People Stay Annoyed At Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations

"I've been with my partner for roughly two and a half years now. A few months ago she started talking to an old friend again that she hadn't seen in a while.

They met up a few times for drinks and then my partner invited me along for drinks with them so I could meet her. We all get along really well.

My partner has a male colleague that she's friends with. I've met him a couple of times and we've even been on a couple of double dates with him and his partner.

The colleague and my partner are good friends and have each other on social media and message each other occasionally.

We met up with the friend a few more times for drinks and her friend and I like similar TV shows, movies, and video games.

Her friend added me on social media and I mentioned this to my partner. It's not abnormal, I've got quite a few of my partner's friends on social media. When one of the TV shows was on that her friend and I like she messaged me about it. I told my partner this and replied to her.

We've messaged a few times talking about movies and TV shows etc. My partner told me she thinks it's weird I'm talking to her friend and she thinks I should stop. I asked what she thought was wrong with it and she just said I shouldn't be messaging her.

I asked again for an explanation but she wouldn't give me one.

I mentioned that she messages her colleague who is a man so I think she's being hypocritical to get annoyed at me for messaging a friend. She said it's not the same and that I should stop messaging her friend.

I refused and again tried to get her to explain what she thought was so wrong about it. She just said it's about respect.

I asked why it was different for her to talk to a friend of the opposite sex but not for me to talk to a friend but she just said she's known this colleague longer than I've known the friend.

I said that's not really a reason and she just repeated it was about respect and that I shouldn't be disregarding what she's saying and should be listening to her.

AITJ for pointing out hypocrisy with my partner and refusing to stop talking to a friend?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. You’re not wrong for pointing out the double standard here. It’s only fair to question why your partner can chat with a male colleague but gets annoyed when you talk to a female friend. If she can’t explain why it’s a problem, it’s hard to see her side of things.

Relationships are about communication, and it sounds like you’re just trying to have an open conversation about it." romy_indy

Another User Comments:

"Is it possible there's something about that particular homegirl or the way/frequency that you two interact that makes your partner not totally comfortable?

But subtle enough that she doesn't want to delve into it? Be real honest. Asking because I have one close friend who I would have zero reservations about my SO messaging or hanging out with, and another close friend who...I would not be stoked. I notice my SO probably has similar feelings about my opposite-sex friends and colleagues. I do not message my bff's spouse, even though we have a lot in common. I either send it in the group chat or wait until we're all together in person. A respectful distance, that I know my friend prefers, even though no tension exists or ever would. It's not a straight-up one-to-one. And that's HER friend, as is her colleague. There's too much unknown here to make a real judgment, but I do think you're being kind of obtuse, intentionally or otherwise." halibutcrustacean

Another User Comments:

"Info: Is your partner's friend single?

This matters because I suspect your partner might be wary of her friend's intentions. A single friendly acquaintance of the opposite sex who's quickly becoming a "friend" and texting all the time is definitely cause for concern. I also agree with your partner that it is different from a long-standing friendship with someone of the opposite sex, who has a partner, that was developed over time through work interactions. I do find it a little odd that your partner's friend is texting you, making small chit-chat. You haven't known each other long, and you seem to be at the forefront of her mind. My friend group has been together for a long time and we're all friends with each other's partners. That said, out of respect for my friends and complete transparency, none of us text our friend's husbands or partners directly for chit-chat. I suspect this is common for women to do, so she might be uncomfortable with what her friend is doing. No jerks here but if you care for your partner, I would talk to her about her concerns openly and find a path forward that you are both comfortable with." Pure-Chemistry835