People Get Relentless In These 'Am I The Jerk' Stories

"My dad and Rebecca have been married since I (16m) was 7 and my sister (15f) was 6. Quick background: My parents were not divorced when my mom died, but they were going through a divorce. When they first separated, it was because my mom had changed a lot and was undiagnosed with brain cancer at the time, which had caused a lot of behavioral changes. I still remember how big those changes were. The diagnosis came just before she died. While my parents were separated, Dad met Rebecca and they got married 3 months after Mom died. They had postponed the wedding since they were no longer waiting for the divorce. Rebecca had always had a very negative perception of Mom because dad had told her about her behavior before they separated. She said our mom was a bad parent, and she would make sure we knew what a good mom looks like. From almost the beginning of their marriage, she has called herself our mom. Years later, I found out she knew back when she married my dad that she couldn't have kids of her own. My sister and I have never liked Rebecca because of the stuff she says about Mom. Dad knows how we feel, and after he did some therapy, he would tell her to stop. But he also told us that we should understand that Rebecca loves us and feels like we deserve the best, and she might say the wrong thing because of that sometimes. With all that out of the way, I can explain the problem. I have a pretty big friend group. Six of the moms of my friends have made their little mom group, where they can get together, vent, and hang out. I think sometimes they use it to plan who'll host something or volunteer to chaperone some things. The moms in the group all know my sister and I do not consider Rebecca our mom and that we dislike her. My sister is also part of the friend group, so they know her feelings too. Rebecca wanted to join the group so many times over the years and was always kept out. Then a month ago Rebecca approached the moms when she saw them out for coffee together and asked why she was never welcomed in. They told her she was not a mom, and so they weren't going to include her. She argued back that she was mine and my sister's mom. They said we say differently, and that our opinion matters more. They also told her that they were never going to make things uncomfortable for the kids by including her, since it would mean she would be around the friend group for certain group stuff we've done together. Rebecca vented over dinner to us about it, and I shrugged her off when she asked what I had to say. The truth is I don't feel the tiniest bit bad that she's been excluded. But she was upset and Dad told me I should be kinder. AITJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ. Your friends' mothers get to choose who is in their group and who they keep out of it. Since you and your sister, even after nine years of her being married to your father, continue to dislike your stepmom, that is an important consideration for them. No one can force you to like someone who bad-mouthed your biological mother; that is between you and her." Individual_Ad_9213 Another User Comments: "NTJ. When it comes down to it, Rebecca is being excluded as a result of her own behavior, not yours. Had she given you space and not pushed herself onto you and your sister, maybe you'd have a good relationship with her, and the other parents would have included her. But insulting your mother - who was ill and is no longer here to defend herself - is remarkably low behavior on her part. You are absolutely not responsible for her social life." happybanana134 Another User Comments: "NTJ, I think the other moms are putting your feelings first in this which, generally, is what parents should do. Your stepmom's behavior is what caused your feelings towards her. I’m sure it was difficult to handle what your mom was going through before she was diagnosed, but at the end of the day badmouthing her hurts YOU, and she should recognize that and not do it." According_Ad6364