People Won't Quit In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"My partner and I have been in a relationship for around 3 years and things have been going well for the most part, we are very different people I think the differences between us usually make us stronger and a better couple. I am an avid hunter, fisherman, and hiker. My partner's idea of spending a day in nature is listening to music on her dad's porch with the potted plants, and I don't see why that doesn't count, it's just different. When we first started our relationship, I cut back on my time outside, not consciously, I just wanted to spend more time with her and because at the time I lived pretty far from her, it became a choice of which I wanted to do. However, we moved in together at the beginning of this year, and this summer has been the first summer that she has seen exactly how often I like to be outside. She told me that she felt neglected, and said that she felt like it was a part of my life she wasn't welcome in. Not the case, so I told her that if she wanted to go, anytime, then she was welcome, but I knew it wasn't her kind of thing, so I stopped asking. Because of that, I took her to this berry patch I knew about, and we both had a great time, even if she got too hot when the sun came out, and we had to leave a little earlier than I would have liked. Anyway, we had a couple of small outings like that, berry picking, pawpaw hunting, light hikes, etc. I was invited back to my home State for a hike I have been on many times with friends (Devil's Bathtub if you know it). I asked my partner if she would mind me going, because I hadn't seen these guys in a while, and we could catch up. She ended up asking if she could come, which is when I hesitated. This hike isn't too difficult by any means, but I was unsure she would have fun, based on what I knew about her. I explained that it was a little harder than the hikes we had done and that it would probably be best to work up to it a little more. She got offended, thinking I was saying she couldn't do it, which isn't what I meant. I tried to explain that it might not be as fun for her as the other hikes we had. She insisted it was no big deal, and that she would have a great time, so I decided to trust her judgment and agree. So we go. And it goes about as well as you're picturing. We made it about a quarter of the way through before she started getting upset, it was visible, but she didn't say anything. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but she was just quiet angry, and snippy the whole time. When we got to the car she started crying and accusing me of 'setting her up', because it was harder than she expected, and said I should have told her that it was that hard. I told her that I had, but she said that I didn't explain it well enough and that I made her look like an idiot. In my opinion, I did everything I could to warn her, and she is an adult who had the facts, and internet access if she wanted to double-check her theory it would be no trouble. AITJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ You warned her. You suggested working up to it. She insisted she was fine. This is on her. My partner and I are similar to you two. My partner always tells me how difficult or long a hike is and I decide. She'll tell me if it's super steep too. I don't take it personally. I see it as caring about me and gauging my abilities which isn't a diss by any means. I've bowed out of many hikes. You shouldn't be attached to the point you can't enjoy your outdoor activities. You can enjoy hobbies separately. You can go on easier hikes with her." archetyping101 Another User Comments: "NTJ. Where’s her sense of agency? She’s not a child. She could have checked out the hike beforehand online. Instead, she doubted what an experienced hiker told her and foolishly went ahead anyway. I have super pale skin. You know how I don’t get burnt? I wear a hat and sun-protective clothing plus a ton of SPF. Were you supposed to dress her too? She sounds exhausting." suggie75