People Are Quick To Pick Sides In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"I (F25) recently got into a relationship with another woman for the first time. I'm openly bi, though I've only been with men previously and to be honest I don't think many people in my family really believed I was bi because of that. It is still new and I hadn't officially mentioned her being my partner with the family yet. Last night, my sister hosted a small engagement party with close friends and family. I was very very enthusiastically encouraged to bring a partner, but given the fact it's a girl and would be our first event, I didn't want to make a big deal at the party and came alone. For the entire time I was there, my mother kept pestering me about finding a husband. I avoided her, trying to dodge her questions, but I'm not a very good liar and she quickly picked up on that fact. So she enlisted the help of my cousin to stalk my Instagram. I don't post much, but they quickly found me tagged in my partner's posts and put two and two together. It wasn't a bad reaction, but it was the main topic of conversation for the rest of the night. Lots of whispers, questions, and "Love is love" comments. I just tried to take it in my stride and kept trying to celebrate my sister's engagement, but I was a bit uncomfortable with the attention and left as soon as it was appropriate for me to do so. Well. I woke up this morning to a voicemail and a few texts from my sister saying she is upset I ruined her engagement party, by making everything about my new relationship. Not only that, but my mother and several family members who my sister ended up raging at for focusing so much on me at the party for her, have texted me saying that it was my fault they're in trouble. They say I need to apologize and make things right with my sister, so she will stop being so upset with them. That it was only natural for them to react that way to such news and I should have either made the relationship known before the party or done a better job at hiding it. Am I the jerk?" Another User Comments: "Here's your apology. "I am sorry that I was hounded into revealing my private relationship business by people who should have been both adult enough to respect the occasion and my right to speak about my business when I decided it was appropriate to do so. I am sorry and saddened that these lapses in judgment and decorum by those who should have known better tainted my sister's engagement party. I hope that this episode serves to remind us all that even when curiosity is born supposedly out of love and concern, there is still a time and place for everything." NTJ." Accomplished_Two1611 Another User Comments: "NTJ. Let your sister know that it was unfortunate that her engagement party was ruined, but remind her that you did not bring your partner and when your mother asked, you intentionally tried not to answer. So the person she should be texting for an apology is your mother. As for the other relatives. It’s not your fault that none of them know how to mind their own business or don’t have the common courtesy to know that the focus of an engagement party, should be the couple who just got engaged." photosbeersandteach Another User Comments: "Tell your sister that you avoided bringing the partner to avoid a reaction, the family members incessantly pestered you and your cousin instigated the entire situation investigating your social media. Explain that you were made extremely uncomfortable and left in hopes of preventing more of their attention. Conclude by saying you brought nothing up and that fault for the debacle is 100% caused by the busybody relatives that created the debacle. That you are sorry that they harassed you unmercifully and that they caused even more of a spectacle. If she comes around in a few days, OK. If not, tell her that you will ABSOLUTELY not accept false blame again for this same nonsense happening at her wedding. That the only way you can ensure it doesn't happen is to bow out. Of course these same members will rue on and on at the wedding about you not being there because of your bi status and your sister will blame you. You can't win unless your sister decides to not be the jerk." Scenarioing