People Love Talking About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"My older sister turned 20 a week ago and she celebrated with dinner Saturday night. I (16m) didn't go with my parents and my brother (15m). I have another sister (23) who went and so did both sets of grandparents and our aunt and uncle. I'm the only family member who didn't show and my paternal grandparents are so mad about it because she was upset. I need to give some background. I'm adopted. My bio mother didn't want to be a parent and I was supposed to be raised by my first dad. But when I was 3 he got ill and after a few months, he was told it was terminal. He didn't have family, being a former foster kid, my bio mother didn't want to take me and her family wasn't interested either. So my first dad wanted to find a home for me. He wanted to be a part of picking the people who would raise me. He wanted to be sure I'd be okay. So he worked with a social worker and after so many different families he found my parents. They already had three kids, my two sisters and brother, and they were open to fostering or adopting. They clicked and Dad knew they were people who would give me a good life. All three of my parents grew close before my first dad died. He made a box of letters, videos, and other little things for me, like his watch and that was supposed to keep me connected to him. My parents always let me access that stuff and I kept some of the letters in my room. 18 months ago a few of the letters went missing and I thought I'd lost them. I freaked but my parents had copies. Then 6 months ago I found my sister (20) destroying the copies. We fought and she admitted she did the same thing before too. She said she hated that I held onto them so much and clung to that part of my life. She said I was meant to be their son/brother and instead I chased after a dead guy. I screamed that I wouldn't exist without that dead guy and if it wasn't for him, I never would have ended up with him. My parents weren't home but Dad came home to us screaming at each other. He stepped in and he kicked my sister out when he learned what she'd done. When my mom got home my parents admitted to me that they only ever gave me copies of the letters and stuff and the originals were all kept safe by them. They said a houseful of kids never felt like the safest place to have them out in the open and copies felt safest. Knowing the original ones my first dad wrote and made were still there was the best feeling. My parents were furious with my sister. I'm still not speaking to her. They're still mad but she's their daughter and I told them they don't need to stop talking to her too but to please respect I can't be around her, which they do. My parents got a lot of criticism for letting me stay home but my grandparents also told me how wrong I was. They said I'm not giving my sister a chance to make things right and I should be more understanding given the emotions involved in adoptive families. They said what I did was worse than what my sister did. AITJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ. Your dad picked good. I'm glad your parents saved the day by having the foresight not to give originals of special documents to kids and also by acknowledging you have a right to be angry with your sister and shouldn't be forced into celebrating her grand accomplishment of... (checks notes) living another year. Your sister needs to earn back your love and support, she's not entitled to it by default. But with grandparents that tell her the opposite--it's everyone else's job to compensate for her errors--I can see why she believes that to be the case." JeepersCreepers74 Another User Comments: "You are so much NTJ! Your sister was destroying your property that she knew was important to you and thought was irreplaceable. How does anyone make up for something like that? Her being forgiven is a favor, not a right. It's fully your choice as to when and whether she's earned any forgiveness. Your grandparents view your sister as a golden child and have ignored the harm she did. Simply not celebrating her birthday is a minor thing. Your grandparents had no valid grounds to berate you for this." extinct_diplodocus Another User Comments: "NTJ are you kidding me? Not showing up to dinner is worse than her ripping up your letters from your Dad? Your grandparent's priorities are out of whack and delusional. That right there tells me that you are less important to them than their "blood" grandchildren. What a load of crap." AfraidTrain9156