People Reach Their Limits In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"It is hard to summarize everything, but I (24m) and my fiancé (24f) are getting married in December. We have been engaged since June and before I ever proposed to her I informed her family and mine that it would be a quick engagement. We cannot wait and eagerly look forward to our wedding day. I am taking care of the honeymoon all by myself okay? I am a travel nurse so I make good money, but we are also trying to buy a house and start our lives together. During the whole process my family has acted like my wedding is an inconvenience. My fiancé is 4 hours from where my family lives. She has grandparents who are unable to travel long distances due to age and health. Most of her family is also local to the area as well. My family consists of my mom, older brother, older sister, younger brother, and younger sister. They are all well and able to travel. Whenever we were looking for a venue the only thing my mom was worried about was the fact that it was not local to her, but to my fiancé. Additionally, when choosing the date my mother has brought up how it was not ideal for school schedules, work schedules, etc. Rather than the mentality of “It’s a wedding and it’s something to remember forever”. My fiancé and her family are taking care of the wedding. She has been working hard to ensure that our day is special. During the whole process, my family has been more worried about themselves than me or my fiancé. Example: My sisters being bridesmaids haven’t even asked to see my fiancés's wedding dress and acted like they couldn't care less whenever she got the dress, but wanted to get upset whenever the maid of honor ordered a dress that one of them wanted before they did. They have not offered to help with anything at all, but complain or make it about them in every area. Example: My older brother (29m) is a nurse practitioner and he had told me was planning on giving to the honeymoon, but when I was getting everything planned and paying for everything I had asked him how much he intended to give because I was budgeting it all out as it’s valid information to have and has to be done beforehand. He got mad and told me he doesn’t even want to help anymore.. he won’t even respond to my texts or calls and he’s the Best Man. I’m just disappointed in my family because they want to have a say in EVERYTHING but yet have not offered help while my financial parents are picking up working overtime to do the most they can. I can keep going, but it is to the point where others are more supportive of her and myself than my own family. It’s making me want to not involve them in the wedding and have no part with them." Another User Comments: "YTJ. Hun, it's YOUR wedding. Like, I don't know exactly why you think it's crazy important to everyone else as well, in that everyone should be pitching in to help do...something. What are they going to help with from 4 hours away? And of course, everyone is more worried about themselves in this context; it's human nature. OF COURSE, your family feels slighted that it's local to her family and not them. OF COURSE, your sisters are more worried about what they're wearing than your bride. OF COURSE, someone is going to get offended when you very rudely ask them "How much money are you giving us?". You come off a bit delusional here" Aggravating-Item9162 Another User Comments: "NTJ based on your telling of this story, but honestly it sounds like there's more to this story from their side, based on the way you describe their behavior. For example, why the total reversal in your brother's attitude? How would they describe the situation differently than you do? Also, you should pick the wedding date and location that works for you and your fiancée, but, if there are people in your lives that are important that you want in attendance, you should take their availability into account as well. But a wedding that's 4 hours away, on a weekend, really shouldn't be overly inconvenient for most people's school or work schedules, especially if you give them enough notice that they can change their schedules around it a bit." gordonf23 Another User Comments: "YTJ here. Your family is treating your wedding like an inconvenience because it is inconvenient for them. You didn’t consider your family in any of the planning or the logistics. You and your fiancée may have been willing to expedite the engagement but that doesn’t mean your family, who is 4 hours away and all in the wedding party, is ready or prepared for a 6-month engagement. People take a year to sort out their schedules and plan logistics. And no, a free Airbnb doesn’t make it easier when they still have to get there. If you were going to have a 6-month engagement you either make it much smaller with less of a wedding party, or you take care of everything like ordering bridesmaid dresses so the people involved don’t have to. This was a special occasion for you, but you don’t get to inconvenience others." heyitsta12