People Give Us A Lot To Think About In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"So, my dad (48M) died suddenly while I (20F) was studying abroad about a month ago from a heart attack. He was my bestest buddy and we would do everything together: go for drives, play uno, watch XMen, etc. Before he died, he told me that he did not under any circumstances want my mom at his funeral. I told my mom this the night she called me to tell me he died, and she said ok but was very upset by it. My mom and I have never had a good relationship but due to my sister asking me to let her come and my mom's family members saying that a funeral is about the living and not the dead, I decided to be nice and allow her to come as they'd been together for 30 years. However, when my mom was married to my dad she was very abusive (hitting, scratching, threatening to divorce all the time), which is why I couldn't understand why she even wanted to come. Yesterday, my mom kicked me out of the house because we got into an argument. I had already been saying that I changed my mind about her coming a week before the argument because I did not want people who cared about my dad to see her there. I was planning to send her a message (along with some other things about how much I despise her) telling her not to come to my dad's memorial. My aunt (mom's sister) says that it's not my place to tell my mom how to grieve. I disagree, I think she can use the money she got from taking life insurance out on my dad to go on a nice vacation instead of showing her face in a room of people who despise her, AITJ?" Another User Comments: "I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. It really is painful especially since it was sudden and unexpected. Soft no jerks here - grieving is so individual and I understand your pain. Instead talk to your mom, tell her that you want to respect your dad’s wishes, and offer to do something individually with her to memorialize your dad. If that doesn’t work, you really need to consider if this is the fight you want to fight, and fight, right now. I’m sure your dad didn’t think he would be gone this soon, but him asking you for that “favor” was not a position he should’ve put you in. It’s not a kind position to put your child in. Do NOT send her a message telling her how much you despise her. You are so raw right now. Instead, write her a letter with everything you want to say, but do not send it. Your feelings are real and your grief (which includes anger) is going to be really loud right now. Give it a year at least and then revisit the letter, I can almost guarantee your feelings will be a bit different. In the meantime seek grief counseling, after losing my mom, I went to a grief group at my church it was helpful, individual counseling is great too and your counselor can help you to have a constructive conversation with your mom. Hang in there OP, again it’s so hard, but you will get through this. Although the pain doesn’t fully go away, it lightens and you will smile again." olive_us_here Another User Comments: "NTJ. While funerals are primarily for the living, the wishes of the deceased should be respected where possible. Add to that the implication of past disrespect and conflict and you have even more reason to ensure she isn't present. You're the person dealing with the most grief atm. If she would be a hindrance to your grieving rather than a benefit/support, or at least neutral, she should NOT be there. (Although I will add that no one, absolutely NO ONE, should be required to have a person who abused them at their funeral. That is the sort of request that should absolutely be respected.)" Icy-Consideration47 Another User Comments: "NTJ. "Before he died, he told me that he did not under any circumstances want my mom at his funeral". You're honoring your dad's wishes. If they have no relationship in life, going to his funeral against his dying wishes is pure disrespect to your dad. Perhaps that's what your mom is intentionally doing. Also to kick you out of the house over a disagreement is pretty harsh, especially when you're mourning your dad." archetyping101