People Forget Their Manners In These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories

"Me (M27) and my partner (M30) bought a house last year and moved 9 km from the city center. Now my in-laws are considering buying a house 1 km from us compared to the current 5 km distance between us. For some context. When I met my partner five years ago he was the biggest mamma's boy I had ever met. He had moved out but had every dinner at their house 7 days a week and lunch on the weekends. This meant that every free night back then was spent with his parents. Shortly after seeing each other, I found out he was texting his parents good morning and good night (every single night). Furthermore, he was updating them throughout the day which meant if we ever did an activity he would text before we left the apartment, when we arrived at our destination, when we left our destination, and when we arrived back home. If they didn't hear from him within 2-3 hours they would be called several times (pretty extreme compared to my relationship with my parents). So his relationship with his parents has been a huge struggle in our relationship. Last month he even went on a business trip to Asia and when he was so exhausted one night he didn't text them goodnight. Which meant my MIL texted me and asked if I had heard from him. Again, he is 30 years old, on a business trip on his 6th day (of a 12-day trip) and when she didn't hear from him a single night she texted me to ask if I had heard from him. Fast forward 5 years and he has finally and truly left the nest and I can live with the remaining dependency on him his mother and can tolerate his mother's dependency on him. Yes, ''tolerate'' which I know will make me sound like a jerk to you. Anyway. Back to the issue. With this as background information I'm afraid that them moving so close to us will make him relapse into the mamma's boy I met five years ago and potentially ruin our relationship because I told him so many years ago that his behavior/relationship with his parents was a huge turn-off and I needed him to be a MAN (I know this may sound like I'm the jerk again but his former relationship to his parents IS too extreme for me. The only thing I could see was a five-year-old little boy going out into the world for the first time). WIBTJ if I said to his parents that them moving so close to us is not the best idea?" Another User Comments: "Yes, YWBTJ. Who do you think you are? You can't refuse to let them move near you, you're not the boss of them. The most you can do is discuss it with your partner and ask him to suggest they don't. It's up to him whether he does or not, and even if he does, they could certainly still make the move. Where you wouldn't be the jerk is after they move near you and you set boundaries about them visiting you." HoshiJones Another User Comments: "YWBTJ- you can’t tell people where they can and can’t live. You can and should have a conversation with your partner about if they move closer to you, and what boundaries you guys should set. No drop-ins, no key to the house, they don’t get invited over every night, partner isn’t the repair person who drops everything to help them out. Being closer doesn’t mean that you see them more. But you and your partner need to have a conversation and he needs to communicate limits to parents." travelkmac Another User Comments: "In my opinion NTJ... as long as you express this to your husband, not his parents. You can't tell them where to live but you absolutely should be talking about this with your husband. He needs to know what you're worried about and come up with a plan together with you for if they do move so close to stop him from backsliding. My husband has an extremely dependent mother and he had to go to NC because no boundaries were being respected. Your husband doesn't sound even remotely close to that, which is fine, but you need to know before they move into your area what he IS comfortable with as far as boundaries go. Dinners with the parents once a week? Or are they going to want more? Are they going to be visiting more often or expecting him to stop by more? You two need to know where some of your lines are beforehand." Ok_Potato_718