People Are Hungry For Answers In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"I (15F) have divorced parents, I spend alternating weeks at each house. I’ve got two half brothers (10 and 9) at my dad's.

In the past two months, my dad has ordered takeout at least 7 times. We use the same account on a delivery app, so I can look through the past orders and get notifications whenever he gets something.

This number is just those deliveries, so it might be more if he gets food any other way.

Not a single one of these 7 orders has been during my week at his house. In the last year, he’s ordered similarly high amounts of food, but I’ve only had it at his twice.

He says that it’s just a coincidence. When I’ve asked him if we could have something ordered during my week at his, he just tells me that I’m free to make something from what’s in the fridge and to stop acting like he’s made of money (he and my stepmom both make a salary decently above average in our area, but they’re not rich).

My mom doesn’t get takeout at all, she’s really big on healthy eating and makes all my meals for me (I make breakfast and lunch for myself at my dad's, and alternate days with my stepmom cooking dinner for everyone). I’m not bothered about not eating takeout with her, so I guess my biggest issue with it at my dad's is feeling so left out rather than the food itself.

On Friday I got to my dad's and noticed a fast food bag in the garbage. I’m not sure why, but I was more upset than usual by it, so I asked why my dad refused to ever get anything with me around. We started arguing pretty badly and I ended up implying that he favored my brothers and asked why he even bothered to have me at his house when he didn’t want me there, which I do understand I shouldn’t have done.

He’s not talking to me at all right now.

I’m worried I’m being a brat by being upset about this. I’m a good cook and the fridge is always full, I’m not deprived of food in any way. I do understand that ordering for 5 people is more expensive than for 4 and that it’s only my stepmom cooking when I’m gone, so, of course, she’ll get tired sometimes.

Accusing him of favoritism wasn’t right, I wish I hadn’t done that. I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk overall for being so unhappy with this and letting it turn into a fight, because it’s a pretty minuscule issue I’m making a big deal of, but a part of me still feels justified and a bit good about yelling at him over it."

Another User Comments:

"NTJ - and your dad giving you the silent treatment is a massive indication he knows he’s done wrong but hasn’t got the arguments to back it up. He’s being childish and petty and although on the face of it, this is a minor thing, he should care that you are feeling neglected - cause that’s what this is really about, isn’t it?

I suspect that you probably won’t be enjoying the take-out food much if you get it (it’s fairly rubbish stuff once you’re used to proper food), but that’s no reason why you won’t want to eat it occasionally, just like everyone else! Punishing with silence is terrible parenting, btw." gromitrules

Another User Comments:

"NTJ I feel like everyone pondering the different reasons that he might be doing this is missing the most salient point. He orders takeout when you're not around because he is too lazy to take on any of the cooking himself.

This is the compromise to stop your stepmother from feeling that disparity in their workload. When you are there, you cook every other night - he had you fill his partner/parenting duties for him. So why would he order takeout? It's very selfish of him and your feelings are entirely justified." daisy_chi

Another User Comments:

"I can't say if he's playing favorites when it comes to the takeout/fast food, but I do wonder why he never does when you're around. I'm more concerned about the fact that you always have to make your breakfast and lunch and then have to alternate cooking dinner for anyone.

I guess every family is different, but that doesn't seem to be something you should have to worry about. The fact that your dad isn't talking to you over this is kind of silly, too. It's up to you, of course, if you feel it's something you should apologize about." Billros23