People Are Eager To Defend Themselves In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"My sister Ria (34) got a job offer she was ecstatic about it. She has 2 kids, she worked till her eldest O (5) was 2 when she got retrenched. She never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom so it took some time to get used to the different pace. O is going to school and her youngest C (2) is with Ria most of the time. If there's an emergency our mom, other sister or I will babysit for her. When she had the eldest our mom and I were the main babysitters while she was at work. My sister came over all excited as can be and gave us the news. I was happy for her but started asking the obvious questions. I asked her how far the job is? Who would take the eldest to school? And Who's going to look after her youngest? Now I work from home and our mom is retired so also has free time. Ria will most likely ask that we go get her eldest from school and babysit the youngest till she gets off work. She won't send the youngest to daycare because the amount she would be spending would end up being most of her pay. So it wouldn't make sense to work in the first place. Ria got mad saying that I didn't have to be so negative about it and why I couldn't be happy for her. I am happy for her but not at the cost of my free time. Now some of our family says I should've just left the questions for later and that it was a jerk move not to just be happy. So AITJ for asking her the obvious questions." Another User Comments: "No jerks here, she was sharing with you all because she sees you as her support system, and she feels secure in that; she simply could not earn money without childcare, and a resume gap is detrimental so she probably experienced that after just a couple few years. That’s a good thing about you she feels she can count on you - unless it starts to feel excessive for you!! Your asking the questions is normal and valid, they just lack the empathy and support that was needed in the moment. The questions are fine though." [deleted] Another User Comments: "NTJ. You should be allowed to ask these questions because there has been a relationship set up that she uses you as free babysitting. Her rebuffing the question is a problem because it indicates that she doesn't think you deserve to ask these questions, which you definitely do if she's trying to make plans on your schedule. They were immediately pertinent questions. You need to ask them again and if she won't give you an answer, give her a small amount of availability. As small as you are comfortable going, only give her that. She doesn't get to have your time and view it as something at her disposal without regard for you." JCBashBash Another User Comments: "Absolutely YTJ. Your sister just announced she got a job, and the first thing you do is ask questions about child care instead of being happy for her and congratulating her. Did she explicitly ask you to take care of her kid while she works? NO! You just "assumed". She can send her youngest to daycare. Even if it costs her the entire paycheck, it's worth it. Her paycheck may be small now, but if she is determined she will get promoted and her salary will increase. Browse this AITJ forum and see how many SAHMs are miserable, living a life depending on their husbands, with no way to get out because they cannot support themselves and the kids. Your sister is taking care of herself and her future. She is making sure she remains independent and will be able to provide for her kids no matter what. It's fine that you don't want to babysit for her. Set boundaries, tell her you won't do it if she asks. But this post was not about her asking you to babysit and you refusing... it was about your sister announcing good news and you assuming the worst." esk_7140