People Are Eager To Defend Themselves In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"My partner and I are having a baby in September. He had a sister who passed away in a car accident and she was born Sept 12th, and ever since we found out about my due date of Sept 16th he's been saying he hopes the baby comes a little early as they would then share a birthday. This is extremely weird to me, to the point where I want to have my baby in August because I want my baby to have nothing to do with his sister. I don't want to be selfish but this is my first child and I don't want it to be overshadowed by someone I've never even gotten the chance to meet. Not only that but I have had a name picked out for the baby if it's a girl since I was in high school because it's my great-grandmother's middle name and have always loved it. His mother interjected that this would be better suited as a middle name for my baby and I should name my baby Grace or Gracie if it's a girl because that's what her deceased daughter wanted to name her kid if she ever had one. I don't like that they're making my baby more about the dead sister than about the baby itself. I'm not budging on the name as I have had it picked out over ten years and it's MY child. So AITJ for wanting my baby to be an individual and not have anything to do with my partner's dead sister??" Another User Comments: "NTJ overall. However, I wouldn't mess around with the due date just to try to avoid the birthday issue. Let everything happen naturally and with that, if the birthday is the same, that is something you would just have to accept. Naming the baby is tricky. It's not just your baby. And even if your husband was okay with your name before, there needs to be new discussions. In terms of the family, they need to find better ways to remember their daughter. They're two separate people. One, unfortunately gone and one starting out life. Baby should not have to constantly live in the shadow of a deceased family member." Geckosaurus-Rex Another User Comments: "Everyone's a jerk here. It’s not only YOUR baby but it’s your partner's baby as well and as such you have to take his wishes into consideration and both of you have to find a middle ground; you better tell your partner the name you would like her to have soon just in case he doesn’t like it and both of you have to find a new one. Your attitude of “I don’t want her anything to do with the dead sister, I didn’t even know her” is a SUPER DUPER YTJ attitude; you don’t have to know her to know that she is important to your partner. So instead of saying “no not happening" you should be saying "why don’t we give the baby your sister's name as a middle name”. My advice is that you better start to learn how to manage his family's expectations in a positive way since if you go all no no no on them the situation won’t get ANY better but only worse." reddicq Another User Comments: "NTJ, but you’re going to be in for some difficult conversations. You should state very plainly that while you think it’s great he thinks so fondly of his sister and wants to honor her memory, you’re not going to take away from the joy of new life with a shadow of grief masquerading as tribute. And make sure to preemptively cut the legs out of their “disrespect for our dead family member” claim that is sure to follow. “There’s nothing disrespectful about me naming my child, but there’s a tremendous amount of disrespect by trying to force something on me by using guilt.” Ultimately, it’s going to be your call. Tremendous deference is given to the mothers on early baby decisions in the hospital, especially as it doesn’t sound like you’re married. So you can pull that card if you want to go nuclear." wittiestphrase