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"My grandparents hosted a family dinner on Sunday. My dad left because "something came up" at work. My sister (16f) and I (17m) were sitting with our cousins when our stepmother corrected us when we said we had big plans for Halloween and Christmas this year because we were going to be with our maternal side of the family. She told us those plans still needed to be approved by her because Dad said yes without running it by her. This is when my dad's family stepped in and told her she didn't have the right to stop us from spending time with our maternal family. My stepmother said as our mom she does, and since our maternal family never speaks to her or tries to befriend her she has the right to say they're not good for us. Then our grandparents told her she's not our mom and the more she pretends to be, the less respect she has from anyone. Then it became a situation where our grandparents and our aunts and uncles piled on her and reminded her that she didn't give birth to us, we didn't call her mom, and they accused her of preying on a grieving man who was 11 months out from losing his wife when she swooped in and claimed us as hers and they rubbed it in her face that neither my sister nor I value her or love her or want her in our lives. It became a huge fight between them and my stepmother stormed out. She tried to make my sister and me leave with her. But we refused to go with her and we said we were staying with our family. Dad was extremely upset when he came to pick us up and he asked me if I stepped in to defend my stepmother and I said no. He asked me why not and I told him I didn't want to defend her and didn't disagree with everything being said. My stepmother asked why I hadn't spoken up for her and I told her that everything they said was true and I would never defend her from anything. Dad was threatening to not give us the extra time with mom's family at Christmas but my sister kind of talked him out of that. But I got lectured two days this week already about 10 years of being a stepmother deserving more respect and value and being worthy of defending. My dad told me I'm a few months away from being a man and I need to act more like one and that means defending the women in our lives, but especially the ones we love. I told him I always defend the people I love when I need to. This made my stepmother cry. It made my dad walk out of the room to calm down because his wife was crying. Dad told me I'm a bad example to my sister. He said the only reason she doesn't adore our stepmother is because she follows my lead and I should think about my influence and that I'm risking a relationship with my stepmother in the future. I should add I have said similar things to her before and to my dad. But they don't really listen. AITJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ. Tell your dad that: "*The more you'd push the narrative that she's a mother figure, the more we'll reject her. No nicknames, no specific moments, no nothing. That goes for you as well. We will respect her when she understands that respect is earned, not given. We get that she's loved by you, we merely tolerate her. She's not our mother, and she'll never be, and if that's a problem for you, so be it.* "" RemoteBroccoli Another User Comments: "Your stepmother crossed the line when she decided to (1) overrule your father behind his back and (2) call herself your mom when you've not agreed to call her that. The family has been seething about her stepping into the family the way she did, and it came out in that argument. Your father lecturing you on "letting" your whole family defend you and your sister, then having their say, is out of line. What did he expect that you would say? She overstepped and was told. NTJ" StellaByStarlight42 Another User Comments: "NTJ. Your egoistic stepmother should understand that losing your mom for 11 months and having her replaced by a new one is already too much for you to handle. She should've allowed you to be ready first before coming into your life when everything is still fresh. Your in-laws just did the right thing and you did the right thing." realellasinclair
