People Get Creative In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"I (M32) have been with my partner Sarah (31) for 7 years and living together for 5, and she is my soulmate, we’ve been through a lot together and see eye to eye on our life plans, this includes marriage. By this I mean we both never wanted to get married, we’ve been quite happy living our life as it is. Sarah and I were raised Catholics and as such marriage is important to both our families, however, we were never very devout people and eventually left the church altogether. It’s important to note that we each had our process before we met, and it just became another thing we agreed on as part of our lives. Anyways, we both had our issues on this matter regarding our families, this intensified when we told them we didn’t have plans to get married. Recently I received an offer to work overseas in 2024, this is an upgrade in every sense, however, due to company policies I can only take Sarah with me if we’re legally married. Since it’s only legal we don’t have an issue just doing it, it would be like any other government procedure. We tried to keep the marriage part a secret, but we made a mistake when our family found out and as expected everyone lost their mind. They tried pushing for us to have a small wedding so it wouldn’t take much time to plan and offer to help, but knowing our family this was a lie, so we didn’t budge and told them they could come to the courthouse with us and that’s that. As we were planning things, we got the news that Sarah’s grandma was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and the first thing she asked was to see her granddaughter get married. I don’t mean to sound harsh, she is ill, but I find it a bit annoying that she used her disease to force us into a traditional marriage. Anyway, we agreed and one month into planning the budget went through the roof, suddenly every single family member had to be invited, we needed to take a catholic seminar, the works and it doesn’t show any sign of stopping. We’ve literally been planning for one month and the fights have been non-stop so we were thinking of just eloping and dealing with the aftermath for a few months before we move but since grandma is the one who made the request, we’re thinking we might be in the wrong, so are we the jerks?" Another User Comments: "NTJ - raised catholic though, so I get where your family is coming from, but ultimately this is your choice. Is there not some sort of compromise where you at least have a wedding but ditch the pre-Cana classes and scale down this whole ordeal?" jrm1102 Another User Comments: "NTJ Per Mayo Clinic, thyroid cancer is considered non-life-threatening and very treatable. I looked it up because I have known several people, even one young teen, with thyroid cancer and knew it was very treatable. They are playing the cancer card to manipulate you." nemc222 Another User Comments: "NTJ - if you choose to elope. What I would do (personally) is go back and give them an ultimatum if you’re willing. Grandma, what would you rather do: Option one: we have a small wedding with x amount of people. Set budget. No catholic Seminar. Or Option two: we elope at the courthouse and you come as a witness. And if she refuses either or tries to add to option one, then you’ll go to the courthouse. And that way if she wants to guilt trip over it being her dying wish - well you tried and offered a reasonable small wedding. She refused to compromise. At the end of the day, I think she’s more interested in the “catholic wedding” than they are in being part of “Sarah’s special day”." chatterchick