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"I (18f) have some friends, the ones related to the conflict are: “Aiden,” “Abby,” and “Jane”. The ones that aren’t directly in the conflict but need a name are: “Rose” and “Dan”. (All are assorted 18f or 18m). More relevant context: Aiden and Abby are in a relationship and tend to share the same brain cell as well as fan the others’ flames (in the sense of causing them to be angrier). So last week, I made brownies for myself. I never bake, so I decided to send a picture of the brownies to my group chat with a bunch of my friends. Abby responded with, “Mmm, I really wish I had brownies.” I’m a sarcastic person, so in response, I said, “Why do you think I made them?” Dan answered my question as if it were literal, so I explained that I was being sarcastic and meant it as “I’m making the brownies because I wanted brownies too.” So Aiden then messaged, “Well, are you going to mail her some?” (I’m currently on the other side of the country.) And I said, “Nah, she can bake her own brownies.” I didn’t feel like it was too much to ask because brownies are pretty easy to make. All of a sudden, Aiden said that I was being harsh, and then Abby joined in, saying that I was being rude. I tried to explain that I just felt like brownies weren’t that hard to make, and I said that if Aiden wanted her to have brownies so badly, then he could make them for her. They got even more upset with me for that. Then Abby sent me a message saying that she didn’t appreciate how I was treating her, Aiden, or Dan. Aiden chimed in, saying it’s rude to bake something and not at least say, “I would offer you some if you were here.” At this point, I felt it was inappropriate to address this in the group chat with what I thought were five people who had nothing to do with this. So, I chose not to answer the messages and hoped they would message me privately to figure it out. Rose called me later and told me that despite saying nothing to me, Jane is also upset. She told me that they were talking crap about me in a group chat I’m not in. The thing that made me the most upset was that they were saying things like “Someone call her so she can’t escape it.”, “She’s being such a jerk”, “Her partner is influencing her.” Obviously, it hurt to see this side of my friends. I deleted social media and ignored all their messages. Am I the jerk for this situation?" Another User Comments: "I mean, "she can make her own brownies" could be interpreted as being harsh. (If you read it as "she can make her own darn brownies.") You could have said "you should make some, it's super easy!" But the bottom line is that they're just policing your tone. NTJ for not delivering the perfectly crafted fake offer of sharing brownies. Sheesh. It's natural for friends to grow apart after high school. You don't have to remain in immature group chats forever." jillian512 Another User Comments: "ESH. The sarcasm was completely unsolicited, and you literally just started being rude and going off on your friends for no reason. Your friends actually seem pretty legit, and you’re lucky to have them. They believe in dealing with conflict directly, and they weren’t talking behind your back; they were trying to get you to have an honest conversation about the issue. You sound a lot like you think you’re better than them for some reason, and pretty much every other comment here has pointed out 1 million and one better ways that you could’ve said anything. You basically opened with “hey go screw yourself teehee.”" Aggleclack Another User Comments: "When someone says "oh I would really love some brownies right now" and the one who baked them would say "why do you think I made them?" I would assume (maybe wrongfully) that the why in question means you made them to share them with your friends, not because you'd also love some brownies at that point. On the other hand, I wouldn't ship perishable goods halfway across the country in this economy. ESH, you sound like a bunch of 13-year-olds." MastrKoesh
