People Just Want To Be Free Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"I (17F) have 3 younger siblings (10F, 10M, and 6F), with another on the way. All of us are from different fathers, minus my youngest sister and the unborn baby, who are from my stepdad, who's been with my mum for about 7 years give or take a few months. I'm essentially raising my siblings by myself, and I know for a fact that when my newest sibling is born, it will be no different. My mum isn't exactly the most hands-on parent, my birth dad unfortunately passed away quite a few years ago and wasn't granted custody before then, I don't even know who the twins' dad is, and my stepdad is an absolute jerk. When I say my mum isn't hands-on, I mean she doesn't do anything. And this includes making us food, helping with homework, paying for anything school-related, taking any of us anywhere, quite literally everything. She doesn't even let us stay in the house during the day, she quite literally only lets us in when it gets dark and wants us out as soon as possible in the morning. When I first started looking after my siblings more full-time, it wasn't too hard for me to manage, but over time it became impossible to get by without paying for things. It's not like we don't have money - neither of my parents work, but get benefits, and I know for a fact they get money from certain other means. Long story short, this all ended up with me getting a job when I turned 14. When I was about 12 or 13, I made friends with a girl who had recently moved to the area, and over time became really close with her and her family. I used to make pocket money by 'working' on her family's farm, which then turned into a proper job when I was 14. It's a great job not only because of the money but also because during my work hours when my siblings aren't in school, they can run around with my friend's siblings in a very safe area and I don't have to worry about where they are. My hours have increased ever since I started college, I work 3 full days a week now and part-time the other 4 days. I didn't want my parents to know because that money is what I need to buy things for myself and my siblings, and they wouldn't let me keep it otherwise. I don't know how they found out, but last night I came home from work with my siblings and my mum immediately confronted me and started telling me I was hiding money from her and my family that could be used to pay for baby things or could be spent on doing the house up. Usually, when she gets angry, I just let her yell and it blows over, but then my stepdad got involved and I'd just had enough. I started yelling back, telling them that they're both useless excuses for parents and it rapidly just got worse from there and didn't exactly end well. I feel bad, because I do have little bits of money left at the end of my two-week pay cycle, which I usually buy something nice for me or my siblings with, and it's true that could be saved for the baby or used on the house." Another User Comments: "NTJ time a million — You are essentially a full-time parent AND working at age 17? My friend, you deserve to manage the money you make from your job how you see fit! You probably, more importantly, deserve to use that money for fun teenager things instead of stuff for your siblings, but that seems impossible given the situation, unfortunately. Child-rearing responsibilities shouldn’t be falling on you, so even if your mom wasn’t the jerk for demanding your money (she is) she would be the jerk for not parenting her own children, and continuing to make more children for you to take care of." trying2thrift Another User Comments: "NTJ - You mentioned your friend's family, that they are good to you and let your sibling go there when you are working. Can you speak to them? That is not a healthy environment for your siblings or you, all of you are being neglected and mistreated. Maybe they can find a way to get you help, and to get you and your siblings out of that house, while being able to stay together. Regardless that is YOUR money. You shouldn't even have to be using it to provide for any of your siblings, that is your mom's and stepdad's responsibility. Full stop. You are not selfish, that you've given so much of your childhood and time to raise and provide for your siblings shows how loving and selfless you are." Ok-Acanthaceae5744 Another User Comments: "OP, you can’t stay there just for your siblings. Nothing will get resolved. You won’t be helping your siblings or yourself. What you can do is leave, finish your education, and get a good job where you can help your siblings. If you stay, it’s like being on a sinking ship and you are choosing to go down with it. You must make the jump now for the greater good. I would call your Children’s Authority and run a few things past them, such as requiring young children out of the house all day. What is that all about? Where does your mom and SD’s money go if they want your money for the kids? Never leave any of your money at home in your room. They will find it and take it from you. If you can’t open a bank account with just yourself on the account, ask your friend's parents to help you. I’m sure they already have an idea things aren’t great at home. This is just a terrible situation for you and your siblings." Witty-Help-1822