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"I (29F) had a brutal relationship with my father growing up. We were close when I was a child but my teenage years were a nightmare. He was mostly verbally abusive, very rarely physically, but the words hurt the worst anyway. The worst part is he doesn’t even remember how bad he was. Our relationship is somewhat better now through the adult years but I spent years in therapy at least partially because of him and the only reason I’m not still in therapy now is I can’t afford it. I’ve forgiven him but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how much he hurt me. I take comfort in knowing that if our universe is limitless, somewhere out there is a version of me untouched by his careless cruelty. But I’m getting off-topic. One time, my mother told me that my father never wanted to have kids, but she wanted to so he agreed. It might sound unbelievable but my mother didn’t say this to hurt me. It might be difficult to understand, but I know my mother and she said this because she genuinely thought it would help. She thought it would make me feel better. It’s hard to explain why she thought that but as I’ve known my mother for almost thirty years I can say confidently I know what she was trying to say even if it came out badly. She was trying to comfort me, but the words did the opposite. It was like everything snapped into place. Of course, my father never wanted kids, that explained so much. When she realized I was hurt by her words she rushed to add that he loved me after I was born, but I already knew that. I know my father loves me but that doesn’t mean he’s a good father and he probably shouldn’t have been one. This was years ago now, but I’ve never forgotten these words. I don’t want children because I don’t think I am capable of being a good parent. It took time for my mother to accept this but as I’m getting older she has finally resigned to it. It came up the other day and she asked me again why I wouldn’t want to, and I said that I don’t think that people who don’t want kids with their whole heart should have kids. After all my father didn’t want kids and he probably shouldn’t have had them. She snapped at me that I needed to forget about that and stop holding on to old wounds, she hadn’t been trying to hurt me. Well, I know she wasn’t trying to hurt me but she did. I would give anything to unhear those words but I can’t. She didn’t mean for it to happen but I’ll never, ever forget that my father didn’t want me. It doesn’t matter if he changed his mind when I was born. She shouldn’t have told me that. Parents don’t need to tell their kids everything, indeed there are some things they should never share. My mother would never call me a jerk but she said I was being ridiculous and needed to let it go, it all happened so long ago and why does it matter if I know my father loves me and she was just trying to help? I can’t just change how I feel though. AITJ for not letting go of words she said nearly a decade ago?" Another User Comments: "If those words still hurt you, they do. Your mum is just trying to get herself off the hook for her cruel remark (and yes, it was cruel, even if she didn't intend it to be). Love is a verb, so your father didn't love you when you were a teenager, thought he may do now. There's no point whitewashing this, and you don't have to pretend it doesn't matter to you just to spare your mum some guilt. NTJ" starkcattiness4433 Another User Comments: "NTJ You feel how you feel, there is no changing that. It doesn't matter if the thing was said ten years ago or yesterday, sometimes it just sticks. And what you were told, although not said in bad faith, did hurt you. It's nobody's place to tell you when you should stop hurting." pelonekogonek Another User Comments: "NTJ. Your mother is a major jerk for ever saying that to you. It’s cruel. I am surprised you have a relationship with either of them. They sound awful. As for the children. I had a lousy childhood and knew by the time I was 13 I would not be a good parent and I didn’t want to be a parent. I didn’t have children. I do not regret it one bit. I have a great life. You can do this, too. Millions of us have. Look up the stats. 47% of people under 50 say they do not want kids. You are so not alone." Straight_Bother_7786