People Spiral Over 'Am I The Jerk?' Questions
22. AITJ For Telling Tourists To Not Park Near My House Near Historical Ruins?
“My parents’ house is located near Roman historical ruins and is considered a tourist destination. It’s a long aqueduct, and part of it runs about 30 feet away from my house.
This family of tourists with their kids decided they wanted to sightsee these ruins, and many tourists do so every year as well. So far, so good.
They parked their SUV about a foot away from my parent’s house, on the road. I was gardening at the time and heard them all talking going out of the vehicle, so I went out to them and asked if they came to visit our family, to which the father answered that no, they just wanted to see the ruins.
I told him that if that’s the case, this isn’t a parking spot, to which he answered it’s only gonna take half a minute and then they’ll leave (it wasn’t half a minute either if that matters), and that it’s not bothering anyone if it’s on the road, so I told him that a road isn’t a parking place, so he said he understands and turned away to his business to show that he ignores me.
I told him that it was clear he didn’t understand but whatever, and returned home.
Now I feel like a Karen, but it’s also the fact that most tourists park outside our village entirely, or go far enough into the ruins to not be parked where people live, but he decided that my fence was good to park near.
It honestly doesn’t bother anyone, because it’s very boring here as it is, but it’s the fact that he didn’t try to understand my perspective at all that annoyed me. He could have asked if there was a parking spot around, or if there was anywhere they could stay around that wasn’t a living area, I would have answered him, and in retrospect even told him he could stay off the road away from my house, but he stuck to his agenda.”
Another User Comments:
“You admit in your telling of the story that the parking near your parents’ house “honestly doesn’t bother anyone.” So what is the issue? Is it that you just don’t like tourists? In all fairness, tourists can cause problems, but if it isn’t causing a problem and isn’t against the law, I think you’re the jerk.
This isn’t something to take up with a tourist and his family. It’s something you should address with your local town council or other relevant authorities if there’s an issue.” VegaSami3
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. I also live next to a very busy spot where lots of people park, so I understand the pain, but unfortunately, so long as they were parked legally and considerately, you were in the wrong, they have a right to park there. The only thing residents are entitled to do is talk to people if they’re actively parking dangerously or inconsiderately, or idling their engines in a residential area, and ask them not to.
” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. He was right to blow you off. If it’s not a no-parking area then you gotta suck it up. If it is, call parking enforcement. No, you don’t get to police areas outside your property. Even if you do own part of the right of way, you still have to allow parking there as local ordinance allows.
Your family decided to move near one of the oldest, most popular tourist attractions on the globe. Get over yourself or call parking enforcement.” Marty
21. AITJ For Refusing To Yell Across The House When My Wife Calls For Me?
“My wife sometimes yells at me from different locations in our house. She may want me for a conversation or a task or something but it generally seems reasonable for her to be looking for me when she does it. We have a relatively large house, but spend the vast majority of our time together when we are both home.
Most recently, she yelled for me and I was using the toilet in another room, I heard her say my name once at a moderate volume, I was just finishing up so I washed my hands and then walked, quite quickly, over to where she was.
I was jogging up to her in the living room. She was very upset that I didn’t respond out loud to let her know I was.
The argument goes something like this, not exact quotes;
Her: I want you to respond to me when I call for you
Me: I prefer to walk over, I don’t like to yell across the house
Her: that’s not good enough, I want to know if you heard me, I was looking for you (she was walking around the house apparently)
Me: When I hear you I will come over quickly, I don’t like the feeling of yelling across the house so I don’t want to do that
It continues as such. She feels that it is disrespectful of me to hear her but not respond verbally. I don’t like hearing her yelling from across the house or yelling myself (when I need her I will just walk to where she is, if I don’t know I will search).
I understand her perspective, but it bothers me to yell like that. She doesn’t seem to be willing to accept me not doing it her way. I don’t like to feel controlled in this type of situation. I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable by standing my ground, but she became pretty extremely upset with me and is currently not talking to me because of this (this is not the first time we have had this disagreement).
I worry there may be no way for us to resolve this without me just doing exactly what she wants, which also upsets me further as it doesn’t feel there is any middle ground available.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wife and I had the same issue, further complicated by the fact that I would respond to her, but she wouldn’t hear me!
Now we’ve established a new rule in the house – “If I can’t see you, I can’t hear you.” We all follow it, even the kids.” HotLittlePotato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a dog! You shouldn’t have to drop everything at the exact moment that she calls for you.
How often is she yelling for you when she could easily just come get you? Unless I’m covered in flour or paint or something, I just go get my spouse and ask for help. Your home is both of your spaces. It’s reasonable for you to not want to fill your time with yelling.
That’s stressful for most people.” shaylahulud
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. First of all, you’re her husband, not her dog who needs to obey her commands. To say you have to do things her way is incredibly rude and controlling. You’re equal partners she has to respect that shouting makes you uncomfortable.
I suspect she has the kind of personality where she dominates others, likes being the center of attention, and talks too loudly in public disturbing others. It’s also sad that she’s made you feel that you have to run to her when she calls you.
Dogs should come running to a person calling them not a person they love & respect. Good luck with her, I think you’ll need it.” Few-Product-9937
20. AITJ For Not Eating A Dish I Suspected Was Year-Old Leftovers?
“My husband and I (30ish) have a quite large family: his parents, his 2 siblings plus spouses and kids; my divorced parents and their new spouses, plus my siblings and their spouses and kids.
Together we are well over 20 people so family gatherings can be overwhelming for the person hosting. (And yes, my divorced parents and their new spouses get along fine and there’s no drama.)
Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving and as a family tradition, everyone brought a dish.
Usually, we communicate with each other so that way everyone is making different types of food. My sister-in-law (wife of my brother) said that she was going to bring her mom’s famous sweet potato casserole. I thought it was very nice of her since her mom passed away this year and she was honoring her memory by making her recipe.
However, once I saw her dish I truly think she brought last year’s leftovers. Instead of a big pan, she brought several small and medium containers of sweet potato casserole. Although it did not smell weird it was very dry and just didn’t look like a regular one.
I didn’t try it and discreetly told my husband my concerns, who also did not try it.
Once Thanksgiving was over, my mother called me saying that my SIL was upset because she noticed I hadn’t tried her dish. I told my mother about my fears and she said that I’m just too picky with food and there’s no way a frozen casserole could last a year without having mold.
I pointed out that the several containers could mean she cut the “good parts” and left the moldy ones. After an awkward silence, we decided to agree to disagree and hang up.
I feel bad for my SIL but I truly could not bring myself to eat something I am not 100% sure is safe.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s say for argument’s sake that the casserole was made yesterday, on Thanksgiving. If you just decided you didn’t want sweet potato casserole, you’d still be in this situation and you’d still be justified in not eating it.
Either way, the person who made the dish should not be closely monitoring who took some. That’s very strange. Eat what you want to eat at these types of gatherings.” bujomomo
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for not eating something, no one can force you to do that.
You’re kinda rude for spread rumors based on weird assumptions. 1. Frozen food doesn’t go mouldy. It’s preserved as long as it’s frozen. Once it’s defrosted normal food-safe rules apply. 2. You have no idea if it was leftovers. 3. Even if it was, there’s nothing wrong with leftovers.
Isn’t this weird American holiday all about leftovers?? If you wholly believe that eating frozen leftovers is unsafe you’re an idiot but this situation doesn’t make you the jerk.” a_Moa
Another User Comments:
“Honestly YTJ. Not for not eating it. That is your choice.
But you spread rumors without knowing, you caused your husband to also not eat it, and all of this was about your frankly wrong ideas about freezer food. Storing leftovers for a year is no big deal. The quality may be a bit worse, but in no way unsafe.” LittleFairyOfDeath
19. AITJ For Refusing To Go Back To A Club That Made Us Wait In The Rain?
“So I’m 24(M) and my partner is also 24, her friends group is kinda the same age as us.
Last week we went to a club with her friend’s group, I and my partner arrived there a bit earlier and there was no line, so we took advantage and tried to enter to wait for them inside because outside was freezing and also raining heavily.
Long story short, the bouncer denied us entrance because we were under 25, so we waited for our friends.
They arrived almost immediately and the guy who owns the club is a friend and a client of one of the friends of my partner. We explained the situation to the bouncer but they wouldn’t call the owner of the club.
(We live in a very small city, there was no line, and the club maybe makes 100 people a night)
Our friend tried contacting the owner but with no success, so while the bouncer understood the situation, and we tried contacting the owner, they let us wait outside the whole time, while nothing was stopping them from at least allowing us to wait at the entrance where it wasn’t raining.
After that, we went to a pub near the club and had a great time there.
Today we had another hangout scheduled with her friends but we didn’t know where we would meet yet. Then they told us that we were going to the same club and that this time they would let us enter.
Maybe I am a little snob (so I have been called by my partner after what I’m about to tell you) or something, but I refused to go to a place that not only refused me at the entrance, that’s not the problem because I understand the policy, but made us wait freezing outside and under the rain.
She then got offended, and told me that I am a snob, and if it had been my friend’s group there I would have gone”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go No jerks here. The bouncer was doing his job and it’s harder for them to manage the situation if he lets a big group of people inside.
He’s No jerk here. Your partner’s friends earnestly thought there wouldn’t be an issue and it sounds like they’ve resolved the matter to some extent but they’re not jerks for there being an issue at the door and wanting to go again. And you’re not a jerk for not going somewhere where you didn’t feel welcome or have a good experience with.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“If it makes you feel any better, I waited in line at a club for 1 hour, and when it was our turn to go, the owner of the club decided that she didn’t recognize my friend from her ID. Sure it was a couple of years old, but it was her ID and she was recognizable.
The bouncer then tried to vouch for my friend as he knew her, and that it was all good. But this older lady just didn’t care. This club has now been closed for several years so the joke is on her. Being a jerk isn’t good for business.” myCatAteMyPetMouse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but neither is the bouncer. Having been a bouncer the number of times I’ve heard I know the owner has me honestly like idgaf. I know him too, he pays me to do my job, so unless he tells me himself idgaf who you are.
The owner has confirmed this, if he wants to let someone in he will let me know. If you know the owner call him, on speaker, so I can hear him call you a jerk” Mediocre-Upstairs339
18. AITJ For Proving My College Degree To My Coworker And Making Him Look Bad?
“I (32M) work in an office where everyone has at least a bachelor’s degree (this is relevant). Most of my coworkers have their degrees framed on the walls of their offices, and some also have pictures of them at their graduations; in fact, I think I’m the only one who doesn’t.
I’d rather decorate my walls with pictures of my wife and me on trips we’ve taken. I also didn’t even attend my college graduation (not much for ceremonies), so I don’t have any cap and gown pictures, which has never bothered me.
Recently a coworker- we’ll call him John- started suggesting I didn’t go to college and lied to get this job. The accusation was so ridiculous that I ignored it, but that just seemed to convince him more. He started saying dumb stuff like “Must be nice to have gotten this job without doing any real work”, “I wish I could’ve gotten this job without student loans”, and “If you’d gone to college like the rest of us, you’d understand”.
I tried ignoring him, thinking he probably just wanted to start drama, but eventually, I could sense our other coworkers beginning to think John might be right since I wasn’t disputing it. I figured I’d just bring in my darn degree and put an end to it.
Now, here’s the thing: I did well in school, enough that I graduated with “first-class honors”, which my diploma says. I’ve never mentioned this to anyone at work because it didn’t feel that important- the degree itself is what matters. However, when I brought my diploma in, my coworkers focused on the “first-class honors” thing.
I kinda became the hotshot of the office that day, which was weird. My boss insisted I add it to my wall, saying it “looked good for the company”. My coworkers then began teasing John about the whole thing, pointing out that HIS degree doesn’t say anything about honors, and saying it was a dumb accusation.
Now John is angry and calling me a jerk, saying I made him look bad with the whole “honors” thing, and saying I could’ve found some other way to prove I graduated without bringing in the degree. So, AITJ for bringing my diploma into work to prove I graduated and making John look bad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it’s a shame his bullying made you feel a response was necessary. I think next time you should put him in his place without needing to bring in “proof!” And there probably will be a next time, because he’s insecure and childish.
I think laughing at him and saying “It’s pretty sad that you’re so bad at your job you need to frame your diploma and put it on the wall to prove you’re educated instead of just being smart.” Or, “it must be embarrassing that you don’t have anything else you’re proud of to hang on your walls, but you do whatever you need to feel good about yourself.” That’s just what came to mind for me.” Major_Barnacle_2212
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Look After My Partner's Ex's Untrained Dog?
“My partner of 4 years and his ex broke up like 8 years ago because she was unfaithful to him several times. They also had a kid together (he’s a teenager now). I currently live with my partner and have done so for the last 3 years but every summer his ex asks him to look after her terrier dog.
This dog is untrained like crazy. It was never my partner’s dog either, he has no connection to this dog except the fact his ex/his son’s mum owns it. She never bothered to train it. It chews everything to bits and all 3 previous times we have had him my partner ends up in a bad mood because the dog has ruined something else.
For all 3 years, I’ve tried to tell him he should say no to having it. Especially after I moved in but he never says no. He doesn’t want to ‘make a scene’ but it’s so clear how much it bothers me.
It bothers me because she still expects him to do things for her just because they have a kid together.
I understand anything related to their child. But this is HER dog, not their old family pet also SHE was unfaithful to my partner and broke the relationship so how dare she expect us to take care of her untrained dog whenever she wants to jet off with her new partner for a holiday?
I have made it clear that I don’t feel comfortable having the dog in our small flat (with no garden) for multiple reasons:
1. The principle of her expecting us to do it
2. My partner’s inability to say no and stick up for us/himself
3. We have small caged pets which would be at risk if we had the dog at our place
My partner got angry with me today when I voiced yet again that I don’t want the dog in our flat (he also dislikes this dog by the way) but he just won’t tell her no.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner should stand up for himself and you and set boundaries with his ex.
To me, this is honestly to the point that unless the kid was asking for a weekend with the dog, it’s laughable to watch it for the ex. That’s not something that exes do unless it’s a family pet, which as you point out, it’s not.” PrinceOfHungary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and there are ample really good pet sitting services available these days. The dog’s chewing has already cost your partner money, so either he can put that money into a pet sitter at his awful ex’s place instead to preserve your peace of mind and your actual pets’ safety, or he can tell his awful ex to pay that money towards a pet sitter herself.
For some reason, he’d rather get angry at you about it instead of plan a solution and execute the plan. That bears some thinking about — he prefers you to be miserable when he should prefer you to be happy and relaxed. What’s up with that?
Or does he like tacky melodrama and so create it? Yuk.” cadaloz1
16. AITJ For Considering Kicking Out My Autistic Brother Who's Taking Advantage?
“My brother (25M) moved in with me (30F) and my husband (35M) a little over two years ago. At the time, he was homeless, unemployed, and in a tough spot. The arrangement was supposed to be temporary until he got back on his feet, but here we are.
We’ve helped him a lot since then: he has a car, his own room, and his cat is up to date on all its shots (a condition of moving in). We’ve also ensured he has access to medical care and flea/tick treatments.
He does pay rent and helps with household chores, which I’m grateful for.
Since he moved in, my husband and I had our first child (1.5F), and we have a second on the way. While we technically have the space and the extra rent money is nice, I feel like we’ve done all we can for him, and he’s becoming… entitled.
Right before Christmas, he totaled his car and scrambled to get a replacement. After helping him with his first car, I wasn’t willing to help again. Less than two weeks later, he got fired from his fast-food job for smoking on the premises. When it came time to replace his car, he couldn’t afford to buy one outright, so he used his last paycheck as a down payment on a car my husband and I told him he simply couldn’t afford.
Between his car payment and insurance, he now owes over $650/month.
He pays us $1,000/month, which includes rent, utilities, cat food, flea/tick treatments, and occasional dinners (he eats with us 2–3 times a week, sometimes more). He smokes, which we’ve repeatedly urged him to quit—not just because it’s expensive, but because it makes him lazy and irritable when he runs out.
Now, he’s behind on rent. He’s already missed one month and is about to fall two months behind because it took him a month to find a new job. I told him to prioritize his car payment and insurance to avoid ruining his credit, but he still spends money on smoking and gaming.
I convinced him to pick up a second job to catch up on his bills, but I feel increasingly taken advantage of. I’ve brought this up with him calmly several times, but his response is always, “I guess I’m just a bad person.” That’s not my intention—I just want him to take responsibility.
He never graduated high school and has no desire to get his GED. At this point, I feel like I’m enabling him. When he was unemployed, I encouraged him to apply for food stamps, but he never did. We fought about his spending when he used his last few dollars to ensure he had Xbox Live instead of necessities.
During that time, he was eating a lot more of our food, and while I’d never tell him not to eat, groceries are crazy expensive these days.
He recently started a new job, but within the first month, he got demoted for “not picking things up quickly enough.” I don’t know if he’s genuinely struggling or just high all the time.
With the demotion, he’s only earning about $1,300/month, plus an extra $350 from his second job—which is nowhere near enough. I’ve tried explaining to him that he needs to make more because the cheapest apartments in our area are $1,200/month before utilities, but I don’t think he gets it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kick him out. Do you have parents who can support him? How much of his behavior is due to his autism? If you do for some reason choose not to kick him out, you should take much more of his money in rent.
Only use some of it for yourself and save the rest in a savings account for him for his future. He can’t handle money and isn’t responsible with it.” holliday_doc_1995
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think this is as black and white as it would be if he wasn’t autistic.
The majority of autistic adults don’t/can’t work and I imagine he’s finding life very difficult. Yes, he should probably stop smoking but it’s also probably helpful to get through life. He needs to take responsibility but I think it’s easy to forget how much autism can affect someone when they appear to be mostly functioning.
Maybe a ssit-downserious chat before going nuclear. I know you’ve spoken before but he may not realize the severity of the situation until it’s spelled out. And his life is likely to blow up completely if you kick him out. It’s your call but to reiterate, it’s easy to forget how much someone can be struggling, esp when they struggle with communication, understanding your position, etc.” Knorro
15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Son's Ex And Her Children To Move Into My House?
“Ever since my husband passed away, I have been a very lonely woman. I (55F) have one son (27M) and two grandchildren (10M, 2F), with a third and fourth due in 6 months. His first child is from his former partner (25F), while his second child and soon-to-be twins are from his current wife (27F).
My son is a very bright but naive boy; he was head over heels in love with his former partner, and when he got accepted into his dream university, she dropped out of school to follow him and start their ‘perfect’ family. Their relationship didn’t survive the following year.
Despite all the stress and workload of college, my son still paid child support and visited his child. They both moved on to different relationships; my son married a beautiful, kind girl he met in college; his former partner started seeing another man and had three more kids (7F, 4F, 2M) with him.
Earlier this month, his former partner came to him in need of somewhere to live. To put it briefly, her new partner was an awful person. She was 7 months pregnant, had 4 kids, no money, job, or education. His former partner has a mental illness that has caused her a hard time keeping a job, and they have been living at a homeless shelter for the past week.
My son and daughter-in-law were kind enough to let them temporarily stay at their home rent-free until she found somewhere else. My daughter-in-law’s parents work in real estate and were renting out one of their properties, a 2-bedroom house, to them for a reduced cost. My son and his wife had been having financial troubles ever since their daughter was born premature, and with the twins on the way, I thought they would need a larger home.
In the 1990s, I inherited a spacious house from my grandparents, which has 7 bedrooms, and 3 extra rooms that have been turned into an office, library, and art studio. As an otherwise regular middle-class couple, my husband and I were incredibly thankful for their generosity. It’s so large that it can technically be considered a mansion.
And I’ve been living in it all alone after my husband’s passing. I discussed it with my son and daughter-in-law, and we agreed it would be best if they moved in, after all, this house is way too big for one woman.
However, my son’s former partner and her kids would not be allowed to join them.
My grandson would be allowed to stay if he had no other place to go, but the rest of the family had nothing to do with me. Don’t get me wrong, I have empathy for her situation, but at the end of the day, they’re not my family, and I worry about potential tensions that could arise – pregnancy is stressful enough and it wouldn’t be fair for my daughter-in-law to share her husband with his former partner.
I refuse to let my beautiful home become a breeding ground for dysfunction. I talked this over with the parents of my daughter-in-law, and they decided to give the former partner one month to find somewhere else to stay while my son prepares to move in.
The former partner is angry with me for trying to ‘tear apart’ her family. I explained to her that it was MY house, MY rules.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sure, her situation is awful, but you’re not obligated to shelter her and three kids that aren’t related to you at all.
If your son and his wife want to help, then that’s kind of them, but you can make your own decisions. Your points are valid, it would not be a good idea to have your son, his wife, his former partner and so many kids under one roof, especially since she’s pregnant.
I do hope that this woman finds a place to stay and a partner who loves and supports her, but this is not your problem.” The_Fangirl_Ley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – though take off the rose-colored glasses about your son – he has a lot of room for improvement.
“Despite all the stress and workload of college, my son still paid child support and visited his child.” You say this like he was going above and beyond yet he wasn’t even doing the minimum of PARENTING his child and he was all for his former partner dropping out of school – gee, how did that work out for her?
Sounds like he still doesn’t parent as he allows his son to live in a lousy situation and then homeless shelter. Why doesn’t he have at least 50% custody if not more since it sounds like his former partner is struggling? Then to top it off he is having financial troubles, yet decides to expand his family, so he will now have 4 kids (unless you don’t count the first one that he just “visits”).” FormerRunnerAgain
Another User Comments:
“Your son has a legal, financial, and moral responsibility to support his 10-year-old child. It isn’t your responsibility. If your son is meeting his financial obligations but his former partner is still unable to provide for their 10-year-old child, then your son should file for custody and have him move in with you (since you said you were OK with having all of your grandchildren move in).
NTJ but your communication skills could do with some polish. Phrases like “breeding ground for dysfunction” and “MY house, MY rules” are not helpful. Remember that you are talking to your grandson’s mother. Even if she has made poor life choices, that’s his mother and while her other children have “nothing to do with” you, they are his siblings.
He is your grandson and is growing up poor and homeless through no fault of his own. Your son needs to step up to take care of his child.” uwe0x123
14. AITJ For Cursing At A Woman Who Confronted Me For Cutting The Ferry Line?
“So let me preface this by saying that I am at least an idiot. I may not be a jerk, but I was in the wrong at least partially – I started it, even if I wasn’t the first to escalate it. I guess that the consensus will be either YTJ or ESH.
So this starts before the line-cutting part. I got zero sleep Thursday night. I was completely sleep-deprived – and when I haven’t slept in 24+ hours, I tend to get nauseous. On my way to the ferry, I threw up in my car. I tried to aim out the window at the last split second, but I missed and got a lot of it on the interior and my clothes.
I was now not only sleep-deprived but nauseous and light-headed from throwing up. I wasn’t at my full capabilities.
Anyway, I ended up making a wrong turn on my way to the terminal – probably from being distracted by everything that had just happened – and I drove through a series of backroads that ended up taking me to the halfway point of the ferry line.
There were cars on both sides. What I should have done was make a right turn and go to the back of the line – but there was a small opening right in front of me that was big enough to fit my car in.
Tired and sick, I decided to pull my vehicle into that spot in the line.
A couple of minutes passed, and this woman from a couple of cars behind me came up to my window and told me that I should have turned right and entered the back of the line like everyone else – and she wasn’t wrong – I was about to say something along the lines of “Aw shoot, you’re right – I’ll pull out and go to the back” – but before I could speak, she continued, in a sharp tone – “and by the way, I am going to report you to the ferry staff”.
Suddenly, a mix of emotions ran through my head. I ended up saying “Forget you, lady. Go forget yourself.”. She looked at me dumbfounded and walked off.
Afterward, I pulled out of the lane and went to the back, which I would have done even if she hadn’t threatened to report me, and we both ended up getting on the same ferry after about an hour and a half.
We end up running into each other on the ferry. I was in the galley, and she saw me. As I try to avoid eye contact, she smiles and says “Hey, you made in on! Doesn’t it feel good to get on the right way?”.
As she’s walking away, I turn my head and say “You know, if you had just asked nicely, I would have gone to the back anyway.”.
What got me upset wasn’t that she wanted me to move to the back of the line – I genuinely felt bad about that and would have done it anyway.
What got me upset was her tone and that she threatened to report me instead of simply asking that I go to the back of the line. I’ve been taking this ferry for 15 years and this is the first time I have done something like this.
Then again, she had no way of knowing that, so I don’t know… I guess what I’m asking is “I made the first jerk move, but did she go too far by threatening to report me for it without hearing me out?””
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Firstly, I doubt that you were going to go to the back of the line had you not been so publicly called out. Secondly, you chose to cut, and you know you did, so I don’t get why you’re all shocked that people had an issue with it.
Thirdly, you don’t get to cuss out someone when they correctly tell you that it was not cool that you cut the line and have a temper tantrum. You caused your problems here, the other lady did nothing wrong.” ProbablyMyJugs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ massively.
You didn’t ’accidentally’ cut in line, you knew exactly what you were doing. Not only should you have been reported for your deliberately cutting in, but you should also have been reported for verbally abusing the woman for calling out your deliberate actions ” Protective-mama1984.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even in your comments, you are making excuses. You didn’t accidentally cut in line and you wouldn’t have left the line unless you were called out. She should have reported you and you calling her a name was wrong.
I hate people like you. My family is filled with people like you who do the same thing you do. They make excuses on why they did the bad thing like stole from you and when you call them out they act like the victim and get offended because you weren’t super nice when calling out them stealing or whatever” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Moving Back Home After Breakup And Leaving Ex To Sort Out His Finances?
“Me (40 F) and my now ex (39 M) have been together for about 8 years. We met through an MMO and I ended up getting a job close to where he lives and moved from Europe to be with him. 2 years ago we decided to get a dog.
For background, my ex suffers from depression stemming from chronic pain and a difficult childhood. Pair that with high intelligence and you get a guy who has a hard time communicating and showing affection. I was fine with that or at least I have learned to live with the fact that during these 8 years I never even heard an ‘I love you’ from him.
6 months ago he had what we call a wobble. He told me he wasn’t happy, that it felt like we were more roommates than partners etc. Our private life had been pretty much non-existent (both to blame) the house wasn’t as tidy as we wanted it etc. We had a long talk about things and decided to give it a more conscious effort for 6 months and see if we could salvage this relationship.
Well, the hammer fell on Sunday and even though I thought we were in a slightly better place he didn’t agree so we broke up. It was amicable and we are still friends. During these last six months, I have been able to come up with a plan of what to do if we broke up.
As my job would allow me to move back home I have decided to do so to be closer to friends and family. He will stay here and he will keep our dog. He loves this dog and I would never take it away from him.
However, after I move he will have it harder financially and he will have no one to watch the dog if he wants to go somewhere. Now at every turn and every big decision like getting the dog and leasing a car 9 months ago, I have asked my ex if he could afford it if something happened to me.
He is self-employed and although he is doing well for himself one of his clients has had to spend less with him this year which puts him in a tighter spot.
I am waiting for my company to provide me with the new salary etc for me if I would move before I make my final decision but would I be the jerk if I leave the country for him to fend for himself and figure out this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You ought not to live your life at the service of someone else who has decided that you aren’t a part of his. Make the best choices for you. He is happy to keep the dog so let him. If some problem came up, it wouldn’t be your problem.
But if you wanted to, you could chip in towards solving the problem. But at this point, you need to do what’s best for you and let your ex make his own life choices. Which so far over the past 6 months, haven’t included you.” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“Is he concerned about you and your well-being once you return to your home country? Probably not because it will no longer be his problem, just as how he handles his life going forward will not be yours. It’s fine to be friends and show support but you are about to make big changes in your life and you need to focus on that.” Sheshcoco
12. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With A Gym Employee's Behavior?
“I am a friendly person, and am aware I need to be cautious I don’t accidentally flirt with someone. I think I am more worried about being rude to staff (ignoring them, glaring at phone) that I come across as more flirty.
I always try and say hello and goodbye to the people working at the desk and make conversation if it naturally comes up. I also am quiet some days, and respect that they don’t want to talk to every person they see. This casual dynamic hasn’t made me anxious with any other employee.
After going to this gym location for a month or so regularly, I learned to internally brace for this employee to always say something to me that would make me admittedly cringe. Not because it’s vulgar, just cringe like he thinks he’s being so charming about it and like he thinks I am really into it when he calls me honey and talks about my smile.
The first time he came up to me I was sitting down and as he was walking by he changed the settings to something above me trying to be funny I guess. Again acting like we already have some mutual dynamic going on but it’s just built up on his end.
I think he was trying to be funny but such a physical cringe to me.
The second time today I walked in and he was there, I had headphones on so I just smiled at whatever he said. Then when I was working out I saw him out of the corner of my eye in different clothes working out.
I ignore him, and when I move to a machine he walks out of his way to the paper towel holder by me, then a machine facing me in the area. I am uncomfortable so I leave to go In the separate room, and he sits right down next to me!
It was scary because I was trying to be casual and he was just blatantly trailing me when it seemed so obvious I was not into it.
That upset me because if another person did that to me at the gym it would be weird.
If another stranger did that it wouldn’t be cute and I would want to be left alone. I feel guilty for being annoyed because I don’t think I’m better than anyone by any means whatsoever. But him being an employee I think is what makes me so annoyed because there is a subtle power dynamic there, and if he was a stranger it would be a lot more acceptable to be like ‘Hey why are you being weird?’ And come on this isn’t a Bar.
I hate corporate America but it’s unprofessional lmao.
I have social anxiety problems and getting a regular gym schedule is a huge win for me. I just do not have it in me and have considered switching to a farther location.
I don’t even know if he is in management or not, and he will know it’s me if I say something.
Am I being dramatic ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He isn’t acting appropriately, and his position at the organization makes it worse because gyms have policies around this. Handling this type of situation sucks because you just don’t have a ton of good options, whether to tell him directly, report him to management, etc. You could try a few more times being blatantly closed off, ignoring him, keeping your eyes down, bringing a friend to talk to, etc., and may find he drifts off on his own BUT I encourage you to bring mgmt attention to it because quite possibly he’ll just find someone new.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you might want to steel yourself and say something first (another win for you). If he sits down next to you again calmly say – I know you don’t mean to, but you are making me very uncomfortable. I’m just here to concentrate on my workout, but I’ll let you or other staff know if I need anything.
Thanks. And then continue with what you were doing Best case, he says sorry and leaves you alone. He might/could/probably say something like he’s not doing anything, why do think he is doing something, why you think so much of yourself, etc. Then you just say – Good, I’ll just concentrate solely on my workout.
Thanks. And turn away. That should be enough to keep him away. Then if he keeps it up, go to management.” MercuryRising92
Another User Comments:
“Ntj for feeling this way but say something clear and polite and direct to him first before escalating it to management.
You can do this, it’s a public place. Just tell him you know, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t call me honey, I’m sure you don’t realize this, but it’s making me uncomfortable. That’s it. Clear and to the point.
You don’t owe him any further explanation or justification. If he’s like most normal people, he’ll get the message and back off immediately and not pout about it. You are there to work out. If he starts muttering comments under his breath every time you come in makes a big deal out of it, or continues the same behavior, then you go to a boss.
You can do this. You’ll be doing yourself a favor by practicing standing up for yourself and addressing this directly with him first. It’d be very different if he was behaving in a dangerous way or stalking- then you get help immediately. You’ll need this skill in life.” Antelope_31
11. AITJ For Wanting To Catch Up With A Former Friend Despite Current Friends' Disapproval?
“My friends (Nicole, 20f, and Farah, 21f) and I (Lola, 20f, and I, 20f) used to be close with Brenda (21f) until a disagreement on a vacation in 2021 led to a falling out. Following this vacation, we (including Brenda) had a long talk about our friendship and mutually decided that Brenda wasn’t the best fit for our friend group anymore.
We’d unfollowed Brenda on social media and Brenda had unfollowed us.
Recently, Brenda followed Lola and me again. Curious about how she’s doing, we invited her for drinks. We believe two and a half years is enough time for people to change, and we wanted to give her a chance.
Brenda agreed, and we planned a night out.
Nicole and Farah were initially uninterested in Brenda and worried she might manipulate us. We explained our perspective, emphasizing the time that’s passed and wanting to see for ourselves. They reluctantly accepted, saying they just wanted to warn us and wouldn’t want to hear about it if it went badly.
However, a few hours later, they changed their minds. They felt we weren’t listening and accused us of being bad friends if we went through with it. They even claimed they’d never do that to us. Lola and I were confused. We saw it as a one-time catch-up with someone who shared our history, not a betrayal. We also pointed out that everyone had individual relationships with Brenda and should be allowed to decide for themselves how they’d like to proceed (or not proceed) with those relationships.
Their anger escalated. They accused us of dismissing their feelings and disrespecting them by meeting Brenda, calling her “a waste of time.” They suggested inviting them or other friends instead, even though they’re unavailable on the planned date.
Nicole and Farah are truly upset, while Lola and I don’t understand their strong reaction.
We don’t think Brenda did anything terrible to us initially, certainly not bad enough to truly shun her forever. We’d like to forgive and forget while they insist on the opposite.
AITJ for meeting Brenda despite our friends’ disapproval? Should we cancel? Are we bad friends for wanting to see her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, it sounds like Nicole and Farah are hiding something from you and Lola. Maybe something else happened between them and Brenda, or maybe they did something to her to cause the initial fight. Maybe they’re just pathetic and weak. I’d ask them to explain *why* they’re making such a big deal of this.” ThinkingInfestation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends don’t have to be friends with Brenda if they don’t want to, but they have no say in who you get to be friends with. I’ve been in a similar situation with a friend that I decided to cut out of my life because of things that she had done (note: she didn’t do anything to me, but her actions towards others were sufficiently messed up that I didn’t want to be associated with her anymore).
We have mutual friends who decided to continue being friends with her – to this day I don’t understand why as I hear she is as toxic as ever. However, it’s their prerogative and none of my business who else they spend their time with.
My only request of them was to let me know if she would be attending any mutual events so that I could decide whether to attend or not, and they respected that. I’ll tough it out for a wedding, but if it’s just a party then maybe I’ll opt out and not go.
In return, I don’t badmouth this girl to them, I just avoid her as a topic altogether. Years later it’s all good – my mind is a lot more peaceful without this person in my life and I still maintain a really good friendship with my other friends because we’ve established fair boundaries.” Croissantal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went through a similar thing; in a Close group from high school of five of us, a big fight happened when we got to college between the four of us and one girl. She leaves the group and is MIA for a while.
She reaches out to all of us with an explanation, wanting to touch base a year or two later. Two of us went for it, two of us were dead set against it and were very “What is in the past is in the past and I don’t wanna revisit that, but if you want to, I support you and am here for you if she messes up again” and that was it.
Your friends are being immature. You aren’t going to like all the same people all the time. They need to grow up.” ProbablyMyJugs
10. AITJ For Taking Back My Spare Phone From My Best Friend?
“In early January this year, I lent my spare phone with access to my Apple account (App Store, Apple Music, etc.) to my best friend so he could bypass his abusive parent’s restrictions on his phone (he’s 18 and independent but they still forced parental controls on his phone) and I told him it was temporary until he got a new phone.
Between then and now, he moved in with me out of desperation to get away from his parents.
I’ve been letting him use my stuff since he doesn’t have much of his own, and my dad put another spare phone on the family plan so that as long as he paid for his portion of the plan, he could have a phone without any parental controls or anything.
But ever since he got that new phone he won’t set it up, he just kept using the one I lent him no matter how many times I asked and begged and pleaded and confronted him about it. He always says I’ll get it back eventually.
Anyway, today something came up and I really needed that phone back and he, again, wouldn’t give it back, and then shortly after, he downloaded my favorite game and said he was just gonna reset the progress on it even though I told him that would reset my progress too.
It doesn’t seem like much but it finally pushed me over the edge and I finally actually got annoyed at him. So I decided to change my apple password and sign out of the phone remotely.
He took this worse than I thought he would, he still wouldn’t give the phone back and started asking if this was the kind of thing I really wanted to do to a friend, and how he wasn’t sure if he was really my friend anymore, and even about smashing the phone to pieces just so I wouldn’t get it back.
He also started talking about how I might try to make plans to move back with his parents and go back to his old life.
Ultimately I decided to give him one more chance because he said that he would give me my phone back after school if I’d let him use my Apple Music one more day.
But when I tried signing into it the new password wouldn’t work, and he said “Great now it’s screwed either way” and walked out of the classroom (we were at school at this point.) About 5 minutes later I was able to figure it out and sign in but when I went and found him and offered the phone back he asked what I was doing, and said he was still deciding if we were still friends and if we were on speaking terms. So I left and went back to class.
I haven’t reset the phone yet in case he changes his mind, but with how badly he took it it’s leaving me wondering if am I in the wrong here. Am I being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad gave this kid a phone but he wants *your* phone and *your* Apple ID and wants to reset *your* game progress?
He has a phone – the one your dad gave him. Curious if it’s not an iPhone and that’s the issue. Your parents need to talk with him if he won’t listen to you. He’s treating you like garbage. Don’t give him back your phone.
He can use his phone that your dad got him.” PuzzlingBLT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your friend is a huge jerk though. You have bent over backward to help him, and he’s just treating you poorly. At this point, you should have your dad ask for the phone back.
It’s not like he doesn’t have another one, he’s just being lazy and stupid.” DogLover-777
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here He’s grown up with abusive parents – his idea of appropriate behaviors is probably off and he’s likely got little idea how to behave when he feels angry or threatened or scared. Maybe speak to your parents to see if they have ideas about how they can support his emotional needs – maybe a counselor at school or something.” Bunnydrumming
9. AITJ For Not Paying Rent While Living With My Unemployed Mom?
“I 22 moved back home with my mom and brother 6 months ago. I had health issues which made keeping a job hard, and couldn’t afford to see a doctor.
I am now in a much better condition, though I still have health issues.
I got a job 3 months ago working 20 hours a week at 15/hr. I do have bills that I pay for such as medical, and insurance, and I buy my groceries of course.
I planned to take what is outside of that and put it in savings so I would be able to afford a place in a year or 2. I’m hoping to move to family in a different country, as I know the cost of living is better there, I just need to save up to get there.
Currently, I have not been able to put any money into savings because I have been trying to fix my credit score. See my mom bought hearing aids under my name in 2020, and has not paid 1 penny for them. She also used my credit card to buy my Christmas present, or herself a Christmas present from me.
Which were tickets to a musical for us 2. It’s old fights I am done battling, and I decided while I am making money, I should go ahead and try to pay all of that back so my credit score can recover. I worked out a plan, and for the hearing aids alone it should take me a year to pay off.
I should start saving up a little bit in March though.
My brother, however, is mad that I don’t pay rent. My mom just lost her job. She only worked 6 hours a week at 10/hr, but she doesn’t even have that anymore. 6 months ago, right when I moved in, my mom received her divorce settlement and put the money in my brother’s account.
She did this so she ccouldget food stamps which we still don’t have. Anyways, he sees that we are down half that settlement and he is freaking out. He says if I don’t pay rent, then I am throwing our mom out on the street.
His stance is that I don’t care if our mother becomes homeless. My stance is, that she is a grown woman, and I’m not paying for her not to work. I am grateful she let me move back home, I know other people my age sometimes pay rent (no one I know, though), but not only has she never asked me to, but it would be really hard for me to even try.
If I pay rent then what would be the purpose of me even moving back home? I am here so I can get secure enough to pay rent somewhere else.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to live rent-free with your parents as an adult. I’m not completely dependent on her, I just need a place to go home too.
However, I can see his point. I did get a job, and she might need help financially soon, though that point hasn’t come yet. I don’t want her to be homeless either. I do feel that I shouldn’t pay her rent because she can’t maintain responsibility for the house until she needs help.
She still has time to go get a job, and I think if I pay for it now, it will create codependency, because I can’t save up to leave, and she relies on me to get by. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It looks to me as if your mother has been helping herself with your funds already.
Let her pay that back, and when she has, she can raise the question of rent, if she wants. You can then decide whether you want to pay rent to your mother or go elsewhere. The point is that this is between you and the homeowner.
None of my brother’s business. He can go and pound cake.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, seems like everyone is in a bad situation here, though different ones. I agree that there’s nothing wrong with adult children living with parents for free IF the parents can afford to support them and agree to do so.
But, it seems that may not be the case in this situation. Living for free with parents who are financially stable while you work on your credit and save up is a very different thing from living with parents who are struggling and headed for a crash for free while you do that.
Your excuse that she’s not in trouble yet makes no sense–you’re living there and getting the benefit of the house now. By the time she runs out of money, you may be long gone, but you’ll have been living free on her dime and saving up money while she burned through her savings to keep that roof over everyone’s heads.” GigMistress
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because of your attitude. You say your mom is an adult and should be responsible for maintaining a house. And yet you forget that you are ALSO an adult and thus should also be responsible for maintaining a house, such as by paying rent.
None of that nonsense about how humans only reach maturity at 26, you ARE an adult with all the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of one. It sounds like you just want to take advantage of your mom being able to give you free housing, and then ditch her as soon as you’re able to pay rent to someone else.
What your mom did, taking loans in your name is lousy. But you’re not exactly a model son either ” Cats-in-the-rain
8. AITJ For Choosing Not To Say Goodbye To My Prejudiced Grandfather?
“My grandfather passed away last Thursday and I didn’t say goodbye. Let me explain. I (29M) am mixed race. My dad is black and my mom is native american. My maternal grandfather was against my mom being with my dad because in his words their tribe is dying out and the family should only marry into other native families to keep the bloodline alive.
He was very angry when Mom and Dad eloped and cut contact with them entirely until I was born. I met my grandfather exactly once when I was a few months old, and according to my dad, he spit in my face and called me a mistake, then went back to not speaking to my family.
I had very minimal contact with my mom’s side because of him. A couple of my mom’s siblings did their best to be there for us, but he was pretty controlling, so they could only do so much. Now for the main part of the story.
Last week I got a call from one of my aunts telling me that my grandfather was declining quickly and he was asking to see me. I was extremely confused by this. She danced around the reason he wanted to see me when I asked repeatedly.
I told her if she couldn’t give me a reason I was just going to hang up and she caved. She told me he wanted to see if I deserved to be accepted by the family after all. Meaning he wanted to see if I looked more native than black.
Since my family was so closed off from them, he hadn’t seen even a picture of me since I was a baby. Now here’s where I might be the jerk. I told my aunt point blank that I couldn’t care less about my grandfather or what he thinks of me and that I wouldn’t go out of my way to see someone who’s already rejected me.
She tried to beg me to go, but I just hung up. I told my parents about it and they both agreed it was the right choice to not go. He also asked for my mom, but she didn’t go either. Mom called me when she got the news that grandfather passed, and I was honestly kind of indifferent to the news.
I’ve been getting calls, texts, and messages from my mom’s family saying I should have gone. That I should have let him see me one last time. When I reminded them he had almost three decades to see me as much as he wanted, they still think I’m in the wrong, but most of them have stopped pestering me.
I’ve had the weekend to think it over, and I’m starting to feel a little conflicted. Maybe I should have gone to see him. If nothing else I probably would have given him a heart attack because I don’t look very native at all. I take more after my dad, but I’ve been told my face looks native, whatever that means.
I could use another opinion here.
Should I have gone to see my grandfather before he passed? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes in this life you reap what you sow. If you get nasty with your kin, insult and judge them to their faces, and drive them away, that’s on you.
Now all of a sudden you’re on your deathbed, and you want everyone to come tend to you? Nah, suck it up buttercup. You made your bed now lay in it. Edit: I also initially missed the part of him wanting to see you to deem you ‘worthy’ or something.
Yeah, that’s a jerk move, you’re totally in the right OP.” Potato_wizard_99
Another User Comments:
“Let it go. He’s dead. You can’t change your mind now. You did what was best for you at the time. No need to feel guilty about any of this.
It is perfectly understandable why you didn’t go. If your aunt had said that grandfather has regrets about how he acted, that would have been an entirely different matter. I’d send a note simply stating that you hope his soul is at rest. NTJ.” BoomerBaby1955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dude even when dying wanted to judge your worthiness of being in the family as if that should hold any merit with anyone. He was trying one last time to show off his power and control in the family. He didn’t deserve the opportunity and had no right to ask you for anything after 3 decades of rejection.
Dying didn’t make him special or deserving. He was still the same mean old man he always was.” EnergyThat1518
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Roommate's Partner's Share Of The Rent And Bills?
“I moved in with my roommate after she stated that her partner of years had to move out because the church did not approve of men and women sleeping under the same roof.
Before I moved in, we talked about the rent split and spacing multiple times to which she reassured me that she was good.
A few days into our lease, out of courtesy of a shared space, she had her partner ask me if he could stay at our place for a few days.
I said yes. Fast forward, her partner and his friends would be over constantly. I talked with her to find a middle ground so that she could still have friends but I could find some peace. We came to an agreement that she did not follow leading to another agreement that he did not follow.
I already told her that if she kept on breaking the boundaries, I would become closed off.
The problem came when she started to work and mentioned some guy. Within a short time of meeting him, we brought him to our place. The first day I met him I was shocked as I got no heads up but brushed it off.
But then when I woke up the next day to head to the shower (as my bathroom is not connected/private like hers) I saw him greeting me in his PJs and enjoying breakfast. I gave her 3 weeks of him constantly being over and spending the night before I asked her if we were splitting the rent to which she stated he was sleeping over because he was a nurse too and needed a place to crash in between shifts.
He could go back to his house but it was too far. I told her I was not comfortable with him being here all the time to which she decided he would stay over 2 times a week with updates so that I could not cross their path.
This lasted 2 weeks before he was back to being over every day. With him came his sister (once) and her ex-partner. Constantly, I kept meeting them in the house when I was less than appropriately dressed.
Now, there was a whole fight some dishes and trash which I said my bad too and gave resolutions and told her my own since we were talking about everything at that moment.
In my response, she stated that she had to leave the apartment and cool off because I didn’t outright say that I was sorry and that I would work with her. I sent countless voice notes, each one stating that I was not mad at her or anything that she said, but was under the impression that we were talking about things that bothered us about the kitchen.
To this, she brought up everything, (A/c, rent, current partner, kind acts) even involving her current and ex-partner. I asked to have a meeting to clear the air, but on the day of the meeting, everyone ghosted me. Now, the light bill is due and I paid 1/3 (per her he is in “our” room), but her ex paid the bill and wants me to give him half.
Now she is saying that I am not a nice person because I just won’t pay for the current partner. I am thinking of paying him, but taking it out of the rent. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you guys are living together while she acts like you’re the one sleeping over.
She needs to get over the fact that it is not only her apartment but yours as well now since you both are paying for it. She seriously needs to get over herself and stop being so self-centered. I don’t know what country you’re from, but in my country, when someone sleeps in an apartment for longer than a month, legally they are considered part of the household.
So you have every right to want to split the rent and other expenses between all 3 of u.” No-Potential-747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You communicated your discomfort with the constant presence of your roommate’s partner and attempted to find a compromise, which she repeatedly disregarded. It’s unfair for her to expect you to pay for someone who is essentially living in the apartment without contributing financially.
If you decide to pay your portion of the light bill directly to your roommate and deduct the amount you paid directly to her from the rent, that seems like a fair solution given the circumstances. Roommates need to respect each other’s boundaries and agreements, and it seems like your roommate has not been doing so.” psychogenic
Another User Comments:
“You do realize now (I hope) that this was her plan. She can now say she has a female roommate – you are just her cover for her to continue to live the life her church does not approve of. Go to the landlord and let it be known that you didn’t sign up for multiple guests, including males, for long periods.
Try to get out of the lease. NTJ” Illustrious_Trip5417
6. AITJ For Saying 'Stranger Danger' To My Friend On The Train?
“So, my friend ‘Sticker’ and I were on the train. Perhaps they changed the route or something, but it took a bit longer to get to our destination than usual. My friend was a bit panicked because she thought we missed our stop since she was talking.
I reassured her that I was looking at the signs at every stop and we didn’t miss it. Despite this, she was still panicking. A girl sitting behind us, around college age (18-20?), leaned over and said she was a bit panicked too because she believed she missed her stop as well (we have the same stop).
So Sticker and the girl were just panicking together until this middle-aged-looking man smiled and said ‘No, I think they just changed the route. You haven’t missed anything.’ With that, they calmed down.
The girl started asking us ‘Where are you going’, ‘What school do you go to?’, and ‘When does school start?
(we’re on school holidays)’ etc., and Sticker was having fun answering her. I didn’t talk too much since I’m nervous around people I don’t know. They talked for a few minutes until the girl asked ‘So where do you guys live?’. That made me take a mental step back because we met this girl like 10 minutes ago, and now she’s asking us where we live.
Sticker told her the suburb she lives in, and I looked at her and said ‘Sticker, you shouldn’t tell her that. We’ve literally learned about stranger danger so many times in school before.
The girl and Sticker looked taken aback, and the conversation quickly came to a stop as we reached our stop.
Sticker told me that it was rude of me to say ‘stranger danger’ in front of the girl and it’s not like she’s going to come and kidnap her because she’s a college student. I told her that it doesn’t matter if she’s a college student because we don’t know her and you shouldn’t just tell someone the suburb you live in.
She said that she only told her the suburb and it’s a big place, so there’s no danger and it was still rude because that girl was just trying to be nice. I ended that conversation with ‘Still though, it’s dangerous’ and that was that.
I’m still thinking about that though, so was I being rude?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you’re in the US and on a train, then you’re likely to have been in a relatively major city – DC, Boston, NYC, Chicago. There are a few midsized cities that have trains as well, like Charlotte, NC, but not a ton.
It’s pretty common in those cities to ask someone which part they’re from, because you’re probably not going to find someone based just on their neighborhood in a large city. I would be more on edge about the school question honestly. You’re being cautious about personal safety, which is important.
But telling someone roughly which area you live in, as long as it’s not a small town, isn’t that abnormal or sketchy. ” First-Entertainer850
5. AITJ For Grounding My Autistic Son After He Insulted His Brother's Gay Friend?
“My wife (37F) and I (37M) have 2 sons, Ambrose (14M) and Copeland (11M).
Copeland plays basketball for middle school, a few months ago, Copeland noticed that there was this older man (87M) who would sit alone and watch the games.
After a game one day, Copeland asked my wife and me if he could check up on the man because he looked lonely.
We learned the man’s name, Wilhelm. Wilhelm is a sweet man and was excited to talk to my son, he told us that when he was a kid, he loved and played basketball and wanted to be in the NBA. He said now he watches the games because basketball still brings him happiness.
Copeland asked if he had a family and he mentioned that he had a wife and son but both had passed away. Copeland asked if he could come over and Wilhelm said that he’d like that. Over the past few months, Copeland and now some of his friends have gone to Wilhelm’s place and Wilhelm will share stories of playing basketball youth and his job as a sports reporter.
Wilhelm has given the boys some sports memorabilia he has collected over the years.
On Friday, Copeland was at his house again and was telling him about his friend Callum (11M), Callum does cheer and ballet and has been bullied for being feminine, Copeland and the other boys became close with him and they always try to stick up for him.
Callum was teased for being “gay” despite never coming out, he just ignored it and did not talk about who he liked. On Wednesday of last week, Callum officially came out and admitted he was gay.
When Wilhelm heard this story, he said he needed to go to the bathroom, and he had a bathroom in his bedroom.
Wilhelm was spending a lot of time in there and we were getting concerned.
Finally, he came out with a box and told us about his son Jude. He told us Jude came out at 14, in 1978, and that Wilhelm and his wife always supported him, going to protests way back in the late 70s and 80s.
He then asked Copeland if he knew what AIDS was, explained it, and then said his son died of AIDS at just 25.
The box had some old queer buttons and literature and Wilhelm told Copeland to give the box to Callum.
After we left, I called Callum’s parents, who are very supportive and Callum came over to our house to collect the box.
When Callum was there, Ambrose saw what was happening and was making mean comments directed at Callum, saying it was “always obvious you were a jerk” and making fun of the box that Copeland was giving Callum.
After this, my wife and I told Ambrose to go to his room, and when we sat down with him, he wouldn’t apologize.
We told him he was grounded, and he said it was unfair and that we were punishing him for being “unfiltered” and that made us ableists (he’s autistic), he said he would make “faux pas” due to his disability. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This has nothing to do with autism.
But also, even if it did. He needs to learn that you can’t just call people offensive slurs. Keep up that behavior and the kid is eventually going to annoy the wrong person, and it’ll become a huge problem.” Inevitable-Speech-38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though on the spectrum, Ambrose still needs to learn how his words can hurt people.
I recommend some visual teaching aids about diversity, bullying, and differences. Visual learning is often most effective with children on the spectrum. You might also generate empathy by tapping into Ambrose’s struggles with difference. Education I think is key here. Positive reinforcement will work better than negative, but Ambrose still needs to expect consequences for hurtful speech and behavior.” User
4. AITJ For Suing My Mom's Friend's Son Over False Substance Dealing Accusations?
“My mom (60’sF) has a family friend (60) that has a son my age (30m). We have known their family for over 10 years now and I can safely tell you his son is going nowhere fast. He is a liar and a thief and has stolen many things from family members and friends alike, but because of our parent’s friendship, nothing gets done about it.
There was a period after he had gone to an intense rehab that I stupidly allowed him to live with me and to say it was a mistake was an understatement. I got arrested for something completely unrelated. I had about $500 to my name at that point and was unable to pay the bail myself, so I had to call my roommate who had to call my parents to transfer money to get me out.
The problem was he had them transfer 2x the amount of money because he lied about the amount. I only found this out because my parents were asking me to repay them for the bail (understandable and planned on doing it anyway) and asked for a higher amount.
That was resolved between the parents because we were both poor college students at the time.
After that living arrangement, we parted ways. I have since started a business caring for people’s pets and have been doing very well. I have left the life I had in college where there was a lot of partying and booze.
I have never done any substances, just not my thing, and my family has a documented history of addiction so it would not (and doesn’t) take much to get me addicted to something. I found out recently that he got into some hot water with his parents and told them that I have been dealing with substances.
I found out that not only did he say that, but people were believing him. I have never done substances in my life! This has been having an impact on my business and I have lost several clients because of it. (I know because they told me)
My mom is begging me not to go through with suing him because she is in poor health and the friend happens to be her doctor. I told her I was not going to let him slander me like this, I have an actionable case, and maybe this is the wake-up call he and his parents need. I told her I was sorry, but I was not willing to sacrifice my business for this.
So, is your boy the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a provable case where his lies have hurt you financially. Suing him is the correct course of action here. I’d be asking your mom why she thinks it’s okay for her son to be hurt just so that she can continue being friends with someone.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actions come with consequences, and he intentionally damaged your reputation. While preserving family bonds is important, you have the right to protect your livelihood. Letting someone spread false information without defending yourself sets a risky precedent. Keep in mind that you didn’t harm family relationships he did by deceiving others at your cost” TinyPansy.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he is lying about you and it is causing harm to your reputation and your business, you have to sue him to protect yourself and your livelihood. You should not be expected to pay the price of this guy’s shady behavior just to protect a relationship your mother has with his father, especially when the price is your reputation and wellbeing.” hannahkelli
3. AITJ For Telling My Partner Her Family Couldn't Attend Her Birthday Dinner?
“My partner’s birthday is coming up and I wanted her birthday to be special. We have been in a relationship for 4 years. A couple weeks before her birthday she texted me a list of stuff she wanted to do for her birthday and one of the things was a list of people on it for a birthday dinner.
A little back story is she just got back on speaking terms with her father and her relationship with her whole family is somewhat rocky. So in hindsight, the list was very helpful since I truly wouldn’t know which family she would want invited if having them there at all.
I want to clarify that I did not ask for this list. While trying to plan the dinner I asked for her mother’s phone number and asked her if two family members would be okay at the same table she said she was kinda of wondering that too and she reached out to the cousin who said they would not attend to anything if they other person was there.
She stated she would rather her cousin come than the other person. When I reached out to the cousin she said she wouldn’t be coming for the dinner and I even sent her the list of people invited so she could see they weren’t coming for which she still said she wasn’t going to come.
Her other family members on the list told me no or gave excuses for why they couldn’t make it. I honestly felt sad since I come from a very tight-knit family and decided to tell her that family-wise they wouldn’t be able to make it for birthday activities and she asked why.
I told her how her dad said no and other family members said they were sick and may not be over it in 2 weeks, and some said they would be out of town for the month. I decided to tell her because I did not want her to go to the dinner and only see a few friends and none of her family there.
She then gets mad at me that I ruined her birthday surprise it was supposed to be a surprise and how she would have just rather shown up and only seen 3 people then. From my point of view, I just didn’t want the weekend to get ruined by none of her family’s coming and wanted to let her know ahead of time since she is the one who made the list of the people to come to dinner.
I don’t know, I feel like I was in a lose-lose situation and if I let her show up with only 3 people from the list her weekend would’ve been worse. We got into an argument where she told me she was so tired of repeating herself but nothing like this had ever come up before and how I kept trying to justify what I did when it was wrong.
I just thought I was doing the right thing but looking back maybe I wasn’t.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t have known how to accommodate such a dysfunctional family situation either. Sounds like she has not had good relationship role models. If she wants to change the pattern, she needs to work on communicating better with you. You were in a lose-lose situation.
Any future marriage and kids would only complicate the family dynamic. You need to talk about how family things will work in the long term and how she will avoid shooting the messenger, putting you in the middle, or putting you in the firing line.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s a far safer bet to give someone a heads-up in that situation. I feel like the vast majority of people would rather have their disappointment in advance, where they can deal with it privately rather than in the middle of a restaurant!” InannasPocket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s imagine for a moment that you didn’t tell her. She comes to her “surprise party” with the anticipation of seeing a large group of friends and family. Imagine how crushing it would be to find out *at your party* that none of your family came.
It’s sad and her anger is misplaced. She’s really upset with her family but unfortunately, you’re the one who’s on the receiving end.” Longjumping-Lab-1916
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom After She Ignored My Pleas To Stop Discussing My Single Status?
“My mom and I are close, but in a very mom way, she knows exactly how to cut me where it hurts. Today, I snapped, but I don’t know if I’m the jerk, or if I was right.
I’m single. Have been forever. Despite this, I managed to save and buy my own home – my biggest pride and joy.
Mom pressured me for years to get on the property ladder because – I quote – ‘when you get divorced, you’ll want your name on the deed’ (note: I was single when she said it, and have never had a long-term relationship… one of many ways she digs at me.)
I’ve been dealing with severe depression lately, to the point things have got pretty dark over the past few weeks. Mom is aware, and thinks I need to ‘snap out of it’.
Today, she called to check in but seemed determined to fight. She poked me about why I quit my job, where I was getting money from, and what I planned to do with my life.
I told her I wasn’t in a good place.
Out of nowhere, she asked if I was secretly seeing anyone. I said no, so she proceeded to explain how a friend’s daughter met someone online, moved in with them, and even got pregnant, only for the guy to leave.
Hee ‘only was with her because she had her place’.
I knew where this was going, and I told her clearly to please stop – but she carried on. Told me it was in my best interest to not tell anyone I owned my place so I ‘wouldn’t be lured into the same situation’.
Again, I told her enough, and to stop. But she kept going, saying she didn’t want me to be used. I told her again: “Mom, I love you, but this is now hurting me. I’m lonely, and this is getting hurtful. Please stop talking.”
But she just kept going.
I’m bad at being with someone at the best of times, and I am extremely lonely, but now’s not a good time to even try. I’m at an age where my friends are getting married and having kids, and I’m just… alone. She’s told me ‘I always have her’ (she’s divorced and hasn’t been with someone for 20+ years) and I feel like I’m her crutch sometimes because she doesn’t like going to events alone, so I’m always there to be a plus one.
It got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I got so mad at her, maybe too mad. I yelled at her on the phone to please be quiet, I couldn’t deal with it, please could we talk about something else, I’m sick of hearing about how single I am, and how being framed in her mind as someone who could be used like that is hurtful.
Please stop. I never swear at my mom like that.
When she didn’t apologize and even tried to continue after I yelled, I hung up and texted her how hurt I was she would ignore me so obviously, how it felt cruel, so to please leave me alone to cool off.
She tried calling me and I hung up. Now she’s saying I had no right to talk to her like that and how everything she does is for me. But it didn’t feel like that. It felt like a consistent reminder and a conversation that was going round in circles to continue reminding me.
I know I may have gone too far, but AITJ? And if so, how do I fix it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother thinks she means well, but what she means is *She gets to say whatever she wants and you have to take it because she is your mother.* Stick to your guns and establish boundaries.
Mom, I don’t care what you think. If you persist in doing this thing I have told you hurt me, I’m going to hang up the phone. Then do it. As many times as it takes for her to learn:” OaktownPirate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried over and over both to get some understanding or to change topics and she keeps coming and coming. I know these personality types and she knows exactly what she’s doing. I think your instincts are correct that she uses you as her crutch while showing no interest or concern for you.
You don’t owe her an apology, she caused the eruption. She owes you many apologies. I hope your life, especially the depression, turns around. I know it’s not easy, I’m a diagnosed manic myself. Stay strong!” burn_as_souls
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might love your mum but she seems like she doesn’t have your best interests in mind and she’s being kinda selfish.
Like, a true friend, in part, is someone who helps you be a better version of yourself. Your mum just seems like an unhealthy person to be around or talk to at this point in your life. If I were you, I’d probably be trying to keep a little more distance between her and me, while I try to work on getting to a healthier and happier place in my life.
It’s harsh, and probably a little scary, but it might be for the best.” EmperorKittyMeowMeow
1. AITJ For Choosing My Parents' Wedding Song For My Own Wedding?
“So my (25F) fiancé (24M) and I are getting married at the end of summer.
My mom (45F), my mother-in-law, and a couple of friends were dress shopping and afterward, at lunch, we were all talking about wedding stuff.
My best friend asked if we picked a wedding song yet and I said yes and named the song. Everyone awed and said they loved the song but my mom’s eyes snapped at me and she said “Seriously?”.
I asked “What?” and she responded that it was her wedding song with my father. I honestly had completely forgotten, my parents got married when I was 2 and had an extremely toxic 18-year-long marriage. My parents fought a lot and didn’t speak of how much they loved each other so I honestly didn’t remember.
To make a somewhat long conversation short, my mom essentially said I’d curse my marriage if I made that my song, said I was being disrespectful, and that if I didn’t change the song she wasn’t coming to the wedding. My friends and mother-in-law were just awkwardly sitting there and I told my mom I had no intentions of changing my song and she abruptly left.
My mother-in-law ended up saying she could see both sides but reminded me it was my wedding and I could do as I pleased and apologized for how the convo went. Later my mom texted me reiterating everything she said at lunch. I called my dad and asked him if he would be upset if I used the song, he said no then asked why, and I said I was just wondering.
He asked if my mom was upset and I repeated that I was just wondering.
I don’t know if I should change the song now. My fiance said we could do whatever I wanted and he also said he could see both sides, I love my mom but we have had a very complicated relationship my whole life and she was extremely manipulative and dramatic growing up, so I’m not sure if this is that or if I’m truly being insensitive.
And to add I’ve heard her listen to the song while cleaning after she and my dad divorced, never mentioned it was their song then so I don’t understand why she is suddenly triggered.”
Another User Comments:
“I wanted to say no jerks until I got to the part where your mom threw a hissy fit and 100% is being one.
Your wedding song should be something meaningful between you and your s/o. And you know…there are only so many romantic songs out there, you’re bound to have the same one as someone else eventually. Your mom shouldn’t factor into it. Requesting you change it because she has bad associations with her wedding is fair I guess, but demanding?
Calling your wedding cursed if you use it? Threatening to NOT COME if a single song is played? Naw. That’s just childish and petty. I wouldn’t bow to that personally. NTJ. We can’t tell you if you should change the song or not, her presence and its value is something you have to gauge, but you’re not a jerk for picking the song nor would you be one for keeping it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, how could you possibly remember a song from when you were two? Second, there is no such thing as a cursed song. Your mom is being unreasonable and self-centered. She’s been divorced 6 years! Call her bluff. If she wants to act like a child, let her.
“So, you’re seriously going to hold your breath until I change the song? Fine. Blue goes with my color scheme.” And have passwords on your vendors in case she gets petty. Warn the DJ. And get security!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mom sounds super dramatic.
To be fair, I can understand why she is having big feelings about you planning to use that song. But she could have spoken to you privately (and calmly) about her feelings instead of causing a scene and throwing out ultimatums. I think you need to be ready for your mom to continue to insert drama and chaos into your wedding planning (and possibly your wedding).
Some people just cannot handle other people being happy or other people being the center of attention. People always think that since weddings are happy occasions everyone will be happy and act as their best selves. But that is not always the case. You might want to temper your expectation for how your mom will handle this time in your life and maybe even consider limiting her involvement.” Forward_Squirrel8879
