People Try To Make A Point In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Insisting My Mother Stop Referring To My Stepfather As 'Dad'?
“My stepfather passed away a few years ago. He was a wonderful man, and I loved him dearly. I feel for my mother, who lost him sooner than expected. However, I never referred to him as Dad didn’t want to, and made it clear to my mother that I didn’t wish to do so.
Yet, she continued to refer to him as Dad.
I called him by his first name for the majority of our relationship. He didn’t seem to mind and never asked me to call him anything else. I respected him greatly for this. As his time drew near, I started using an in-between term, partly because I knew he didn’t have much time left. My mother made a big deal out of this.
But even before then, she had started referring to him as Dad. This confused me. I had a dad, a flawed man who left behind many wounds and voids before he passed away at a relatively young age. That’s partly why I don’t want to call anyone else Dad: I held out hope into adulthood that my dad would change and become “my dad” again, but he didn’t, and then he passed away.
I’ve accepted that, as best I can, but the term Dad still conjures hurt, longing, and unanswered questions.
Despite explaining this to my mother numerous times over many years, she still casually referred to my stepfather as Dad, before and after his passing.
Today, I’d had enough.
My mother texted me this morning: “Tomorrow is two years since I lost (his name). I bought a 2-liter of (his favorite soda). … Why don’t you get a can or 20 oz. And have a drink with Dad? He loved you like a (biological child).”
I replied: “Mom, I got to where I’d call him (in-between term).
I have asked you a billion times not to call (his name) Dad to me, and you won’t respect that. I loved (his name) — (in-between name) — and I’ll drink to him today. If you can’t refer to him without calling him Dad, don’t refer him again to me.
I love you, Mom.”
She didn’t respond.
I know it’s a particularly difficult time for her, but my mother should understand why I don’t want to use the term, Dad. I’ve told her so many times for so many years. AITJ for making an ultimatum of it on the anniversary of my stepfather’s death?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom can deal with this in therapy, but you deserve respect as much as she does–and your request is completely reasonable. You were not disrespectful to anyone in that response. You loved your stepfather, and you remember him. He just never was and still is not ‘Dad’.
For your mom, this is like just punching herself in the face. Why must she disrespect you and your request–*and the actual, loving relationship you had with this man*–with this language? It’s not one slip, it’s something she has done repeatedly to you.
You are right in your feelings, and you should hold the boundary.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Well, you’re def not a jerk for asking your mom to respect a repeated, logical, and legitimate boundary. She may need some therapy because it kinda seems like she wants to erase the existence of your biological father in her mind and feel like she has a normal family when it’s not true… You may also need therapy for all you went through.
Especially if you want to become a parent one day tho Maybe a bit of a jerk for the timing but well you are hurting too in this period and it’s just kinda a sad situation…” etorei_nymph
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mother, in her grief, wants to hold on to an idea she has gotten stuck into her head.
Sounds like you had a great relationship with him despite her always pushing the moniker. You handled it about as best you could given the circumstances and maybe your mom, once she has the time to process this reality finally will stop. You can well hope.
Sometimes a jolt of reality is all it takes and that is what you gave her.” PumpkinPowerful3292
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Borrow My Current Figure Skates?
“I (16f) figure skate.
The season to skate with friends is approaching, so I have a bunch of friends who want to go to the local outdoor shopping center where they will be setting up an outdoor rink soon. I have a current pair that I use, and my old pair is broken down and not suitable for me to use for the skills I practice BUT suitable for simple skills/recreational things.
They were formerly the skates I used for competition and practice etc. so they are WAY WAY better than recreational and rental skates most people may get just for one season.
Broken down just means that someone at a competitive level wouldn’t use them (unless they want injuries in) but these are skates that were $1000+ (!!) when they were purchased…so definitely good enough for casual skating even in their current condition.
My friend whose mom is really close with my mom wants to borrow my skates because we want to take cute pics for Instagram and I said OK to her borrowing my old skates if they fit her feet. However, she wants to borrow my current skates because I mentioned that they were broken down and she seems to think that it means “trash”.
My mom wants to let her borrow my current skates because her mom keeps asking my mom to let my friend borrow them. I said no but my mom said it’s just skates and she will get me new ones anyway in a few months.
Yes, I admit my mom said she would replace them especially since I probably have a couple of months left before they are broken down but I don’t think anyone understands that even with the same skates + blades there is still some adjusting for me to do when I get new ones.
But honestly, the real issue is that my friend always gets what she wants from me because my mom always tells me to be the “bigger person” especially since my friend has her mental health issues. This is not the first time that I have had to sacrifice something for her and even worse, she will always end up copying me by getting the same thing later.
It’s not an issue about money FYI cause we are all in a well-off area but I just don’t like being copied cause I’m weird like that. My mom says I should let those kind of things go because friendship is more important than my ego.
AITJ for not letting her borrow my current skates?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to set boundaries with both the “friend” and your mom. Tell mom “Mom I’m disappointed in you. Why do you care about Friends’ wants more than my boundaries? I must get good at enforcing my boundaries so I’m not taken advantage of.
She can borrow my old skates. Not my current ones.” Mom: You don’t understand. You should be the bigger person… OP: I’m going to stop you right there. This is your argument every time I say no to Friends’ demands. Being the bigger person doesn’t apply here. I’m enforcing my boundaries.” Tell your friend old skates still work better than normal recreational skates. You view them as broken because they’re no longer competitive level. Does she want to borrow your old skates or none of your skates? BTW your mom is doing her a disservice too. The world won’t cater to her. The sooner she gets used to this the better.” ApprehensiveBook4214
20. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Husband's Breakfast?
“So here is the thing: My (32) and my husband have two kids (2;4). For a couple weeks now I attend college after being home for the kids for 4 years now.
They go to Kindergarten. The last weeks my husband was often unhappy that he didn’t have any breakfast he could take to work with him and I told him several times he would have to make himself some the evening before because time is tight.
Besides getting kids ready for school and taking care of him (he had surgery and his wound needs some care every day and as I’m a nurse I gladly take care of it) I also have to get ready myself now. Everyone wants something from me and in the end, there is just no time to make some bagel or something.
He often got angry about it but let it go.
So last Friday I told him that he has to make himself some breakfast the night before (as many times before) or won’t have any anymore as I take care of everything myself already. If he wants some breakfast he now has to step up for himself as I’m not his maid or mom.
And if we want to be loving Partners he can’t blame me for it and treat me more like his maid than spouse. So yesterday evening came and I reminded him to make himself something. He went to bed without doing so while I cleaned up the rest of the house (just a quick 10-minute refresh) and made myself food for the morning.
Put it in the fridge. This morning time was short again. He did bring the kids to Kindergarten. Before he left the house he saw me packing my breakfast in my backpack and he asked me where he was. I said I don’t know. Did you make yourself some?
He said no and claimed I was being petty and made myself some but not him.
I said I reminded him to make himself some or he wouldn’t have some. We went out of the house stressed about it.
Yes, I could have made him some but if I don’t do it like this he will never step up for himself.
Now I feel more like his mom than ever as I have to „educate“ him about such simple stuff but feel like I have to.
Hope I raise my son better than that.
But AITJ for not making takeaway a takeaway breakfast but me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even understand this question. I’ve never heard of anyone making breakfast the night before. Why doesn’t he just have a couple of slices of toast or a bowl of cereal at home like everyone else? Why does anyone have to make anything?” Bayoris
Another User Comments:
“My ex-husband used to go to the butcher and buy one filet in my favorite marinade and cook it. I would come home and think we were having steak but he only got one steak for himself. LOL! It was not funny then and it’s not now because it was such covert BS.
He would not admit to doing this on purpose. He would deflect or act like this was normal or like he just didn’t think of getting me a steak too even though he made a special trip to a free-standing butcher shop in the next county over that happened to be my favorite.
Lesson: Even when you are legally bound to someone by marriage or blood — When they SHOW you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.” Long jumping-Tie-2964
Another User Comments:
“I feel like some men still think this is 1900 and kitchen work is women’s work. He’s an adult, he’s capable of making his food without having his hand held.
These are modern times, women are busy, and you already told him it’s his responsibility. That’s disrespectful that he chose to ignore what he didn’t want to hear and expect you’d still do it despite what you clearly said. He’s so determined not to make his breakfast that he goes to work mad and hungry.
Unnecessary. To add stress for you, whining about it, is even more lame. You’re doing the right thing. Partners are supposed to compromise and share the load. Not dump everything on one person.” strawberrdies
19. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Constantly Buying Gifts For My Daughter?
“I was out with my daughter, stepdaughter, partner, brother, sister, and Dad at a local shopping center when someone in the group needed to use the toilet.
They went and everyone else went into a shop to look around whilst they were waiting. My 2-year-old was with my sister and I saw them leave the shop everyone else was in, so I asked where are you going? My sister said another shop.
I decided to wait in place for my stepdaughter to return from the toilets. We then can’t find my sister. After searching all of the shops for them we eventually found her and she bought my daughter a new pair of Nike trainers.
A few weeks ago, my sister turned up at the house with a brand-new scooter for my daughter.
She has a habit of buying her something new every time she sees her. At that time, I bit my tongue but called her after and said I would like her to stop. My daughter has lots of toys and does not go without them, she’s only two and will become entitled and spoiled if you keep doing this.
In addition, Christmas is around the corner and her birthday is shortly after, I don’t want her to receive any more gifts before then because it will make Christmas and her birthday extra special. At the moment my partner isn’t working and money is a little tight, I also took my daughter out this morning and treated her to some glow-in-the-dark pajamas- which I said to my sister I should have saved for Christmas but they were cheap and she deserves a little treat.
My sister also turned up with a magazine for her.
So anyway, I told my sister that I thought we spoke about this and I didn’t want her buying things anymore. She immediately put me on a guilt trip saying she wanted to and she and my daughter were excited to show me.
I said I loved them and made a fuss to not upset my daughter. My sister then said she didn’t get why I was annoyed, I wasn’t going to buy those exact trainers for Christmas and she doesn’t care if my daughter expects presents she will keep buying them.
She kept asking me why she couldn’t just buy her things. I said to her you don’t understand that you’ve crossed a boundary and should be apologising not justifying and asking for an explanation. I’m her mother and she answers to me not the other way around.
Anyway, my sister got upset with me and left immediately. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your sister buying your child gifts won’t spoil her. The reality is that you feel bad you can’t spend as much on your child. This is not about your kid already having things – this is 100% about you competing with your sister and feeling you should be the one to give your child the best gifts I don’t understand why you want to have your child go without things that her aunt delights in gifting her because of your ego.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you asked her nicely and explained your reasoning. You set a boundary and she’s choosing to not respect it. People who disrespect boundaries when it involves your child cannot be trusted, because you never know when they’ll feel like respecting your other boundaries or not.
Her options are clear, respect your boundaries, or not see her niece.” Traditional_Buy_8033
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as your boundaries are reasonable (i.e., you’re not denying your daughter any basic life needs), you get to say what gets bought for her.
== Tell your sister that, when your daughter is an adult, she can make up for lost time and shower her with gifts; but not now.” Individual_Ad_9213
18. AITJ For Not Leaving Work To Euthanize A Mouse My Wife Rescued?
“My wife is an amazingly caring and empathetic person who loves animals. She would rescue creatures on the side of the road and we once nursed a box turtle after finding it in our yard having hatched late into winter. Today she was dog-sitting two big Labs and one of the dogs got hold of a little mouse outside.
My wife managed to rescue the little mouse fearing the dog would kill it. I was already at work in NYC where I commute from Northern Westchester (needless to say it’s a long commute). My wife sent me a picture of the mouse she rescued but too much damage was done and I texted her that she should quickly kill the mouse to put it out of its suffering.
Ordinarily, if I were around I would do the difficult deed. My wife was distressed although I didn’t fully appreciate this from her texts. She asked me to come back home so I could kill the mouse but I promptly replied that I was already at work and was sorry she had to deal with this.
My lack of acknowledging her distress via text and refusal to come back home made her upset and now it’s an argument we have to deal with. I don’t know if I was in the same situation and did acknowledge her distress and whether I would leave work to do this.
I guess I wasn’t super busy at work and I could theoretically have commuted back. There are instances where I have calls lined up which would make it more difficult to leave work at that time. I understand that people are different and the mouse situation was distressing for my wife she says it’s now a core memory of hers which is traumatizing.
I guess I could have been more sympathetic to the situation and perhaps responded differently which would have mitigated me being the jerk but I’m still not sure I’d just drop work and go home to kill the mouse even though it subjectively was a very distressing thing for her.
Am I the jerk for taking this position? Or do I need to be more sympathetic and act on it? By the way, yesterday she was stuck somewhere as the car key battery died and I quickly turned around while driving to get the spare key from home as she’d otherwise be stranded (or would need to get an Uber).
I guess my evaluation of that situation was a bit different to the mouse one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a therapist- she has NO WAY of knowing if this will be a “core memory” for her lol. I wish people would stop just saying things they don’t fully understand. You have a job and like you said it’s a long commute, why in the world, busy or not would she expect you to keep driving back and forth??
That makes zero sense. Even animal lovers understand that there is a need to put animals out of their misery so they stop suffering. She needs to recognize if she’s going to save every animal then she needs to learn how to do the dirty work as well.” OutrageousMistake515
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I empathize with your wife. I once had to kill a mouse that was stuck in a sticky trap at my workplace. It was awful. No one else was willing to do anything but the poor thing was suffering so much I finally took it out back and killed it with a rock.
It unfortunately did unlock a core memory for me, but I did get through it. I think she just wants to feel that you understand it was a rough situation for her to be in.” Particular_Lake553
17. AITJ For Refusing To Help Plan My Best Friend's Wedding To Her Abusive Husband?
“My (29F) best friend (29F) and I have been best friends since birth. We are cousins and her kids (9&10) are my godkids. We had a very hard childhood (both extremely poor and hers was even more abusive, almost cult-like). We grew even closer once becoming adults and learning how the actual world operates.
Which is why it makes me sick to think I’d ever tell her not to talk to me about her wedding.
Backstory: almost two years ago she met a guy and secretly shotgun-married him a few weeks later. Since then, she has learned he cannot hold down a job due to excessive calling out.
He is financially irresponsible and puts her in tight situations often. He is very slobby, like a toddler tornado. She has to ask him to even brush his teeth. She has told me (and him) that she doesn’t feel he loves her kids. He is blatantly racist. She begs him to show her affection quite often.
He tells her what she’s allowed to wear and who she’s allowed to hang out with. He refuses to eat most fruits and vegetables, which makes him very sickly, and he refuses to take medicine to help fix it.
She thought about annulling the marriage within a month, but legally couldn’t.
She’s threatened to leave him several times, and quite often calls me crying. At one point, I had to tell her that unless she was planning on actually leaving him, please stop telling me the mean things he does because it was stressing me out badly.
He’s not allowed at my house anymore after a visit where he started lying about me to make me apologize for random things I didn’t do, just as a manipulation tactic. I now decline most plans where he is involved, unless it’s a godkid’s birthday party.
I even celebrated her birthday separately last year, since he would be at her party.
Well, because she never got a wedding ceremony, she wants to plan one now, and for me to be the Maid of Honor. I don’t even want to see his face, or be any part of this, but told her I love her and will support her on her day even though I’m firmly against this relationship.
She is sending me pictures of decorations, and I told her to please not ask me to help plan because I’m very uncomfortable. AITJ? Should I just suck it up and love my best friend enough to help plan her wedding? Or should I stay firm on how uncomfortable I am?”
Another User Comments:
“God no. You should hold your ground and refuse to be involved. I think anything else is indulging a fantasy, enabling someone to make self-destructive choices, and supporting a relationship you know you don’t support. NTJ for being uncomfortable with any involvement.
It’s pretty wild that she seems to actively want to leave him but for now is instead like “Ooh a wedding, let’s do that instead”. It seems like it’s purely a surface-level distraction, something to occupy her mind while she ignores the disaster of a relationship that she has.
It sounds like an ABSURD decision to be making financially (she should be squirreling away extra funds to get out) and I also think it sends an awful message to her kids. I don’t envy you. You’re watching your friend flush her life and her children’s lives down the drain.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“You’re very clearly NTJ and it seems like she is planning this wedding in hopes that he will treat her better OR to get funds because he won’t work. While I understand your feelings, please keep in mind, if he treats her that badly in front of people … imagine how bad it is when no one is there.
Mistreated women are often subjected to gaslighting so intensely that they can no longer think clearly at all. Please, DO NOT pull away from her. You mentioned she was mistreated in childhood. This is what love looks like to her. She has no true understanding of how to be treated properly.
Right now, you are her only lifeline. Yes, that’s a lot of pressure to put on you but one day it could mean the difference between life & death. While I get being MOH is difficult, given your feelings about this … I can’t even call him a man, or person, because he’s so vile but “the husband” Please, be there for your friend/cousin.
She needs you far more than you know!” SchipperLeeLuv
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for wanting the best for your friend. She is in a toxic relationship, and she doesn’t want to admit it. You are bordering on being a jerk by sort of supporting her idea of a wedding- stand up and tell her the truth.
If you don’t want to be a part of it, don’t! But don’t tell her that you’ll be her maid of honor and then not want to talk to her about the wedding. Very mixed messages. If you choose to support her, then support her.
If you choose not to support her, tell her why. Be prepared for your relationship with her to change if you don’t support her. Friendship is not about always agreeing with her- but it does include supporting each other when you need each other the most.” ChaoticCrashy
16. AITJ For Asking A Woman To Keep Her Non-Service Dog Outside The Bank Due To My Severe Allergy?
“Just saw a post about a guy in an elevator who fears dogs and the OP decided the guy could handle it because it was just a short lift and it wouldn’t hurt him. So I got reminded of something that happened to me last week.
Well, I was at the bank the other day, which is a tiny tiny space of less than 80 (including cubicles, so like a 4-5sm space, which is small) and this lady came in with a humongous big dog that was shedding like crazy because it’s fur changing time here.
The lady paraded it around and I went to ask her if the dog was a service dog. She asked me what that was and I answered by asking if she needed the dog with her for any medical reasons. She said no. So I proceeded to explain to her that I have a quite severe allergy to dogs and told her I thought they weren’t allowed in if they weren’t service dogs.
She threw a fit and loudly exclaimed that she had to wait outside because a girl didn’t like the dog. Which is not the case. I don’t mind dogs and I like some of them. They simply give me allergies. Well, when I approached the front desk, the lady came in again with the dog.
At this point, I was as tired as anything and I wasn’t breathing properly so I ran outside.
By the time I got home, I was breaking out in hives, couldn’t breathe, my whole body was swelling, etc. It took a ton of meds for me to be able to start breathing a bit better, but I still had the hives and swelling.
It took two days to mildly recover from it.
Well, yesterday I saw the woman again, minus the dog, going to the shops. If she can go to the shops dogless, why is she forcing her dog into a small place where the door has to be closed at all times and then has a tantrum because someone tells her they cannot be near dogs?
I wasn’t saying I don’t like dogs, I was breaking into hives in front of her and couldn’t speak properly because I couldn’t breathe properly.
Was I the jerk for asking her to at least keep the dog outside? I hoped she would understand the situation, but she didn’t and got her dog in again the moment she saw me out of sight, even though she knew I was still inside.”
Another User Comments:
“You were just trying to look out for your health by asking her to keep her dog outside since you’ve got a serious allergy. In that tiny bank, you had every right to ask her to take the dog outside. Your health comes first, so don’t feel bad about it.” DonnaPhillips01
Another User Comments:
“Dogs are not NORMALLY allowed inside. Some businesses make an exception for this. I know of some pubs which allow it but they don’t serve food. An EXCEPTION is made for service dogs. It’s accepted that it’s not ideal to have dogs inside, but overall, the pros outweigh the cons.
I don’t have a problem with that. Most responsible dog owners know to leave their dogs outside. If it was for a long time, they should have made provision for that. I WANT TO VISIT MA TAILOR WITH MA PET PIG. RESPECT MA AUTHORITAA! NTJ” Objective-Resident-7
Another User Comments:
“Some places don’t allow dogs. So she doesn’t bring her dog. Some places do allow dogs, so she brings it. I also have some allergies. When you’re the one with allergies, then you’re the one that needs to be accommodated. You went to the bank, where you’re not an employee.
You didn’t just first ask her if she could take her dog outside, but if she had any medical conditions. I think YTJ is for your approach here. You could have gone to someone who worked at the bank. Instead of starting to ask her about her health.
I also don’t see how she threw a tantrum, honestly. I also find it a bit annoying when people talk to their dogs as if they’re people, but that’s it.” DogsReadingBooks
15. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Cancelled My Birthday Plans?
“So it’s my birthday today and for weeks my partner has been asking me to apply for a 3-4 days leave from work so we could go for a vacation to celebrate my 25th. I’m not a fan of my birthday, haven’t been for years, don’t like wishes, and I almost always end up crying.
But this time since he wanted to celebrate it I was considering going with his plan. The only issue is that my elder brother is getting married in November so I’ve already applied for a 7-day leave at work and taking the time off for my birthday was difficult.
For weeks I told my partner to cancel the plan but he insisted; mind you he didn’t do any pre-bookings so I wasn’t so sure. In the end, he succeeded in getting me a bit excited for the trip and I was looking forward to it.
I applied for the leave and in the end, my partner ended up canceling the plan because he was too caught up with his college application and education loan process. I was disheartened but I was okay with it since I knew he was in a tight spot and caught up with deadlines with his application.
I told him, we don’t have to go away but I wanted to go to the amusement park for my birthday. I’ve never been to one or sat on a roller coaster and wanted to do that for my 25th. It is a day trip.
I mentioned it to him multiple times and he kept saying we’ll book tickets a day prior once he has more clarity on his application. A day before my birthday he was busy running between different banks trying to secure his scholarship and he told me that we’d have to cancel the plan since there was a possibility of the admissions office reaching out to him for his interview.
He didn’t want to be outside when he got this call in case he missed it. Mind you, he finally submitted his application on the 10th Oct evening, which is now 11th October at 1:40 am. The chances of them responding this quickly are slim but he didn’t want to risk it.
A big part of me understands but another part of me feels hurt. I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday in the first place, he got me all excited and then canceled. It’s my 25th and I feel he kept dragging his feet with our “plans” so I didn’t make plans with anyone else either.
Now it’s my birthday but I’m sitting alone. I don’t want to get upset at him but I feel like he’s messed up my birthday. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest you make plans with someone else, if not for your birthday itself when you can get a reliable friend to be there for you.
Your partner has no sense of priorities. Sounds like he is all over the place. He may mean well, but you can’t rely on him. If you want memorable moments, don’t rely on him to plan them in the future.” chrestomancy
Another User Comments:
“So he disregarded your initial feelings on the matter and pressured you to do what he wanted. Then once you caved to his pressure, he bailed on you because he hadn’t managed his own time appropriately for the plan he forced you to agree to and his stuff was “more important” than your bday, which you didn’t wanna make a big deal about anyways.
No wonder you don’t like your bday if this is how the people in your life act around it. This guy sounds like a narcissist honestly. NTJ” manonaca
Another User Comments:
“My question would be, how many times has he disappointed you like this?
If it’s more than once, you are not a priority. You are there at HIS convenience. Is this the relationship you want to have? He’s not going to change. You have to decide if you want to spend your life essentially being an afterthought. Might be time to move on and find someone who cares about you and your feelings.
NTJ” mama_d63
14. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Uncle And His Fiancée Who Are Taking Advantage Of My Kindness?
“I (27M) have been living on my own for a while, managing my finances and responsibilities without much help.
A few months ago, my Uncle and his fiancée both hit a rough patch and needed a place to stay. Being family, I let them move in with me. I have always believed in helping those close to me, and I didn’t think twice about it.
But things quickly went downhill. They didn’t just settle in, they started taking over. At first, it was small things: rearranging furniture, taking over common spaces, making decisions about the house without asking me. It was annoying, but not worth a fight. Then, they started using up all the groceries I bought without even pitching in for more.
I am on food stamps, and one day, I realized they had taken my EBT card without asking and spent what little I had left on groceries for themselves, and no, they still haven’t returned it. This hurt me because I was trying to manage my financial struggles, and they didn’t even ask me.
Despite everything, they act like this is their house. They try to tell me what to do with my life. During the day and even throughout the night, I hear them making condescending comments about my choices and career like I am incapable of running my own life.
I haven’t said anything yet because I hate confrontation, but I am at my breaking point. I am fed up with feeling disrespected in my own home. Instead of confronting them face-to-face, I wrote them a letter explaining how I feel, but I haven’t given it to them, because I know they will just turn everything around on me and make me the bad guy.
They have taken advantage of my kindness, stolen my money and food, and are trying to control my life, I am seriously considering telling them they need to move out.
The problem with this, I don’t want to be seen as the bad guy by the rest of the people around us.
I am not worried so much about family as it is just me left, no parents, no siblings, no grandparents, nobody. However, I will look like the bad guy in town, as everybody knows everybody, and my uncle works in the public sector, he served in the National Guard and is now a Firefighter with the local FD, and his fiancée is a nurse albeit she left her job at the hospital a long time ago.
So, WIBTJ if I kicked them out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you’re complaining about is called boundaries; you don’t have any and they don’t respect the minimally enforced ones required by common decency because they don’t bother to think about you. Since both of them have jobs, I’m surprised that they don’t pay rent or something towards the costs of food and utilities.
If they had even a shred of respect and gratitude for your allowing them to live with you, you shouldn’t have to ask them; they should have already volunteered to help out. Don’t worry about your reputation with the rest of the people in your town.
It’s better to be seen as a meanie than to be seen as the soft-touch sucker that your uncle and his fiancée are paying you for.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, please kick them out now. There is no need for you to enter into a dialogue with them, it’s your place therefore they can just leave.
It doesn’t matter what other people think either, if your uncle and fiancée are so awesome, they can jolly well sort out their finances and life. They should be ashamed of taking advantage of you.” Kukka63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve been more than generous by opening your home to your uncle and his fiancée, but they’ve completely taken advantage of your kindness.
Taking your EBT card without permission crosses a major line, and you have every right to reclaim your space and peace of mind. You’re not being unreasonable—you’re simply asking for the respect and boundaries that should’ve been there from the start. Don’t let fear of their reaction or public opinion stop you from protecting your home and well-being….” scarlettlovexo_
13. AITJ For Accidentally Revealing I Noticed My Friend's Lip Fillers?
“I have a friend from college, let’s call her Kelly. We’ve been out of school for a few years now and live in different states, but talk regularly and have been able to take a few trips to see each other over the years.
Thanks to FaceTime, we talk face-to-face quite a bit (important).
Kelly is gorgeous and very conventionally attractive, but she has always been insecure about having thin lips. She talked here and there about trying filler, and I knew at some point she would as it became so common and socially acceptable.
Filler isn’t for me (don’t get me wrong I’m vain too, I tape up my forehead while I sleep and all that) and she knows it’s not my style, but I never discouraged her from getting it, I never even did the whole ‘oh but you don’t need it!’ thing.
Just stuck to ‘Oh cool’ and moved on, it wasn’t something we talked about very much.
Fast forward and Kelly is getting married this winter, to a great guy and we’re all super happy for them. A few months ago while we were FaceTiming I couldn’t stop looking at how oddly her mouth was moving when she talked, and realized she had finally gotten filler.
I didn’t say anything and just tried to avoid staring at her mouth when she talked.
Recently we went on the bachelorette trip and this is where I’m not sure if I’m the jerk. A lot of the girls on the trip didn’t know each other, so we were playing some icebreaker games.
Someone suggested never have I ever so we were playing that and having cocktails. Towards the end of the game, I was running out of ideas, so I said ‘Never have I ever gotten injectables.‘ It had no big impact on the game, half the girls were like ‘same’ and the other half were like ‘Wow I love filler.’ We just moved on, no one seemed upset or like it even mattered.
However, after the trip, Kelly and I were FTing and she was mad that I said that during the game. She said ‘I got filler and you couldn’t even tell, what’s your problem?’ Caught me super off-guard, because I don’t have a problem with it, but that made me feel defensive so I just said, ‘I actually could tell you got filler, I just didn’t say anything about it?’ Now she’s all mad and calling me judgmental, when I genuinely was so careful to stay so neutral. So AITJ?
Should I have lied and said I couldn’t tell she had filler, and apologized for an opinion I don’t have?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think that you’re the jerk. I don’t think you said anything rude to her, and you tried to be neutral. I think she just feels self-conscious about having it done.
When people have cosmetic procedures, they have to accept that people will notice. Because they wouldn’t be having the procedure if they didn’t want something to look different. If they’re bothered by the fact that people will notice, they shouldn’t be having the procedure.
It’s like someone getting breast implants and then getting angry that people notice they’re suddenly 2 sizes bigger. It doesn’t make sense to me. NTJ.” Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“The best I can do, extending some benefit of the doubt, is No jerks here.
Only you can truly know whether you had negative feelings about her getting filler and whether you asked the question because it negatively was in your mind, but it sounds like you’re quite focused on her lips and not on a good way. So, while you may be innocent of any nefarious intent, I do not blame her at all for perceiving it.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. Women need to realize that they’re free to get fillers and that people can almost always tell. Honestly, most fillers just look bad. Either way, you were playing a dumb game. She got upset when no one else did.
She then projected that “you couldn’t tell” and you then corrected her. She didn’t like the truth, that’s her problem. Side note: unnecessary body modifications for women need to stop.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Wanting To Change The Locks To My Room In My Parents' House?
“I (19F) live at home with my parents. I previously lived in an apartment, but because of my parents, I had to move back home unwillingly. I won’t give the exact reason, because it is very personal. My parents don’t want me to pay rent, so I don’t.
My mom and I argue a lot because I don’t like her going into my room. It has been like this since I was in middle school. I told her multiple times to not go in my room because I hate it and she always messes things up, but because it is her house, she can do whatever she wants.
By “messes things up,” I mean she ruins my room. In the past, she has thrown away my school stuff, removed stuff she didn’t like, opened all my drawers and dug through every single thing, redecorated my room, threw out my plushies, threw away expensive stuff, and kept all of her clothes in my closet (which is about 6-8ft in length) to the point I can’t even use it and keep all of my clothes in three small drawers and that plastic drawer on wheels you can buy at Target for $15 (that’s like 3ft tall, 1ft in width).
Then, after doing all of this, she would say she was just cleaning.
So, I very much hated her going into my room and wanted her to not even look in it. After I moved back in, she continued to do this even when I was an adult.
The breaking point was when I left for a few hours to take care of some tasks, and I came back to find my room completely different. I freaked out and decided to lock my doors all the time— even when I was in the bathroom just across the hall.
If I’m in the house, she typically doesn’t try to get into my room, but if I’m out, she uses her key (there are two keys to my bedroom lock) and goes into my room. She says it’s to get her stuff (most of which I’ve thrown in her bedroom out of anger), but I know it’s because she wants to snoop.
I’m completely sick of it. It’s like I can’t have peace and privacy at all. Knowing she can get into my room at any time hurts my head and gives me anxiety. I want to change my locks, but I don’t know how she will react.
I was considering completely throwing all her stuff in the closet out first and changing the locks.
The reason I think I would be the jerk is because it is her house and she pays for it.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Girl you need to get out.
At their age, they won’t change unless they want to but to do that they have to realize how horrible they’ve behaved but let’s be honest. It’ll be ridiculously hard and they may act like they want to change but do a sudden 180° out of retaliation.
I say this because I was the same way. I left at 18 and have made sure to not go back.” IcyParking5041
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sucks, sounds extremely controlling, a helicopter parent, and selfish. This is easier said than done but please get out if you can.
She may flip an mf switch when you change the lock, and she might change the lock AGAIN after you did it and accuse you of having something to hide, causing her compulsive need to snoop to get worse. You’re an adult, unfortunately she can’t accept that.
If you can’t move, sit your parents down for a very serious talk and remain calm. Write out exactly how they make you feel beforehand. Get your thoughts together because she will try to diminish what you say. Set boundaries. I hope you can move out soon.
My mom is kind of similar to yours(not as crazy though) and I lived with my parents for a little bit after college and it destroyed my mental health. My relationship is much better with them now that I don’t live there. I hope the same can happen to you soon.
So sorry you have to deal with this.” Some-Mirror88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it won’t do any good to change the locks to your door. You’re right, it is her house, and she has the right to remove them or (even your whole door) if she wants.
What you CAN do is get a wardrobe or a trunk with a lock on it and keep your things in there. Not a pretty or home-y solution but until you can move it’s a way for you to have some privacy. It sucks so much that you had to go back, but sometimes things happen and there isn’t another option.
Speaking as someone who was raised by a mom with a personality disorder, I feel for you. Your mom has zero boundaries and tramples all over yours. People like that don’t change; no amount of reasoning or explaining how it makes you feel is gonna move her or she would already have stopped. I sincerely hope you can move out again soon, for your health and sanity.
Sending you a lot of love and understanding OP.” themoontotheleft
11. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Friend's Dog To The Emergency Vet After Accidentally Stepping On His Paw?
“I was at my friend Seraphina’s place for a small game night with a few others. She has this huge, hyper golden retriever named Ronan, who is the friendliest dog ever but also a bit of a handful. He’s the type of dog that’s always bouncing around and getting in everyone’s face because he’s so excited to see you.
At one point, I was walking through the living room with a glass of wine when Ronan, as usual, ran up to me at full-speed. I wasn’t paying attention, and when he jumped up on me, I kind of panicked and tried to move out of the way.
But in the process, I stepped on his paw pretty hard. He yelped, and I immediately felt horrible. Ronan limped off for a bit, and Seraphina freaked out, understandably.
I apologized right away, but Seraphina was in full panic mode. Ronan was limping for a few minutes, but then he seemed to shake it off and started walking around more normally, even wagging his tail.
Still, Seraphina insisted we should take him to the emergency vet right then and there because she was worried I’d really hurt him, like maybe fractured his paw or something.
Here’s where things got awkward. I told her I thought Ronan was fine.
He wasn’t crying or limping anymore, and it didn’t seem serious enough to rush him to the vet in the middle of the night. I suggested we wait until morning, and if Ronan seemed worse, I’d cover the cost of a vet visit.
Seraphina wasn’t having it, though—she was really upset, saying I didn’t care about what I did to her dog and that I should take responsibility right away by taking him to the emergency vet.
I get that it was her dog, and I did feel bad, but at the same time, Ronan seemed okay to me, and I didn’t think it made sense to rush to an emergency vet over what seemed like a minor injury.
I didn’t want to spend a ton of money (or time) at a vet for something I didn’t think was serious. So I stood my ground and said we should wait and see. Seraphina got upset and said I was being selfish. I ended up leaving shortly after, and now she’s barely speaking to me.
So, was I being a jerk for not taking Ronan to the vet right away? I thought I was being reasonable, but now I’m second-guessing everything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to learn to be perceptive when you have a dog because they cannot tell you if something is wrong and you cannot possibly bring them to the vet for every little issue.
And Google is your best friend. If the dog was not limping, and not in apparent pain, then he is most likely fine. No need to rush him to the vet.: this can wait to see if the condition evolves. The best course of action is keeping a close eye on it and palpating the paw once in a while to make sure it’s not getting painful or swollen.” IrrelevantManatee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the title, I was all prepared for some horror story. You stepped on the paw of a doggo who could use more training, and the dog was fine. I always feel guilty when I do this to a pet, but it happens.
No need to waste your money and the emergency vet’s time over this. If anything popped up later, that was connected to this, then you should pay at least part of the vet bill, but I think all is good here.” blahhhhhhhhhhhblah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a small dog (4kg) A puppy. And I accidentally stepped on her tail the other day. She yelped like I had torn a limb, very reasonably. And I feel so bad but she was sitting right behind my feet! It was an accident!
But a while later my puppy is fine. And is bouncing around. While dogs cannot tell you they are hurt, if something is wrong, they will whine and tell you their way. And if your friend is that worried, maybe you can pay the normal consultation fee for the vet, and your friend can pay the difference between the emergency vet and the consultation.
But I don’t think it is necessary. And your friend needs to train her dog.” lalathegodzilla
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Do More Work For My Mom After Paying Off My Debt?
“So recently, my best childhood friend (who I’m a bridesmaid for) decided to change her rather low-key bachelorette party to an upscale weekend in Chicago.
This is out of my budget, and I told my mom that I was disappointed I would have to miss out. I wasn’t asking for funds, just telling her I was bummed by the very sudden change in plans.
My mom didn’t want me to miss out, as this friend is important to my family, so my mom and I agreed that I would borrow her credit card for the weekend, do the weekend in Chicago, and then work it off.
My parents are in the middle of moving, so the timing is good as they need help.
The amount of work I owed totaled out to about 17.5 hours based on what I spent and the rate we agreed upon. I’ve been at my parents for the last three days (which is a three-hour drive from where I live) and have worked over 20 hours for them.
The extra time doesn’t bother me, they helped me so I’m happy to help them. Here’s what bothers me.
My mom wants me to come back up next week to help with yard work. Because I recently moved and am still adjusting to my job as a substitute teacher, I really need to be home and working so I can have a steady income.
My partner is also counting on me to work and have a steady income coming in.
When I told her it wouldn’t really be very doable for me, as I have been here for the last three days and I have to make a 4hr drive in two weeks for my aforementioned friend’s wedding, she told me “Well I did give you a bunch of funds and you owe me work.”
She seems to not understand that I have been up here for the last three days working it off, and then some. My mom has always had a hard time accepting my boundaries and we have gone no-contact for periods in the past due to this.
However, she did indeed help me out with the Chicago trip so I could be in the wrong. I just feel like because she has a housekeeper and my dad has a crew of workers because he’s a business owner, they have other people they can rely on, and I shouldn’t be expected to do 6 hours of driving to come help with yard work when I have already worked off my debt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you fell hard into the “parent trap” In the future I advise NEVER borrowing funds from your parents. They will work you to the bone and always have the excuse “Well we lent you funds” even if you paid it back in cold hard cash.
Like seriously I borrowed $500 once and paid it all back in two weeks and for like (6) months my parents acted as if they had gifted me a house even after I paid it back asking for favors left and right and being quick to bring up the funds they had previously lent.
Good luck you’re probably going to deal with quite a bit of nagging for months.” Specialist-Owl2660
Another User Comments:
“I think this is a great lesson for you. Always, and I mean ALWAYS, outline the entire scope of the agreement. “You will let me borrow this much, and in return, I will work this many hours on these specific projects” Sounds like you guys left room for ambiguity and disagreed on when this debt would be filled. Here’s what’s going to happen, whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant.
If you want an opportunity to use them as a resource again, you will go. But you can draw that final line. If you are ok with them pulling back on assistance, don’t go. But the last thing you want is for them to feel ripped off if you are hoping they will help you again.
My dad always told me that if I borrow something, bring it back in a way that they are excited for me to borrow it again. This helped me in some tough positions in life. I wouldn’t burn the bridge. I’d suck it up and help her.
But when I help her, I’d tell her that I’m not helping her because I owe her, but rather that I love her and you see she needs help. This shows her that you can be a resource to her as well.” MouseKingMan
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister Involved In My Pregnancy After She Blocked Me For Not Providing Free Childcare?
“I (28F) am now 3 months along in my pregnancy. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for many years. My sister (30F) had OFFERED to be our surrogate if it’d come down to it. And I would’ve paid every cent of that.
We have always had a rocky relationship so the fact that she brought this up meant a lot to me.
Not long after, she had asked for childcare for one of her daughters. She has a 9-year-old girl and the youngest girl who will turn 1 in a month.
I am a state-licensed in-home daycare. I can’t just take up one kid when I have a ratio to maintain. Also, she wanted it to be for free, which I didn’t agree to. It would only be for a week, sure. No problem.
But her regular daycare lady had an emergency and couldn’t watch the children for that week. I couldn’t accommodate that especially if I needed to remove one paying child for another who wouldn’t pay me. It’s not as if she was asking for care outside of my work hours.
This is my job.
Anyway. We ended the conversation on a good note and had small conversations after that. I never knew how much this conversation had impacted her until recently. To point out, we never set up anything official to have her be our surrogate as my husband and I were still going through our infertility testing and dealing with all of that.
A month after that childcare conversation was her daughter’s first birthday party. It was a 70’s theme and I offered to buy the decorative cookies. At the party, she never talked to us. Not a hello, not a thank you for the cookies and the gift. She had called people over to take pictures with the baby but never us.
Handed the baby off to everyone, not us. She even bought our immediate family matching 70’s outfits, except for us. (Our parents, our brother, and his daughter, and then her family which are the two girls and her youngest’s father) all had matching outfits.
We left there feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed for being left out. I didn’t know what to think but because I’ve dealt with her similar tendencies in the past, I forgot about it. Especially because my husband and I still were focusing on trying to conceive through infertility and I wanted to stay positive and focus on that.
I had messaged her if I could take the girls out to hang out. I was left on read. For the next few weeks, I was left on read or just got a short “no”. If anyone out there is a childless aunt or uncle who adores their little ones, you’d understand how much this hurts.
Finally, I was tired of the lack of communication and demanded help as to when I could see them or more than just a “no” again. She replied “No. It’s just no” and when I tried to call her immediately after, she’d blocked me.
My heart was completely broken. She left me blocked for the next 8 months. I haven’t seen her or the girls in person.
Until I found out I was pregnant. I was so over the moon. I was so high, that no one could touch me.
I immediately told everyone. My parents and brother since she still had me blocked.
To my surprise, my sister had come to my door that day with congratulatory balloons. I was so confused since we hadn’t talked for 8 months. We barely talked since she’d brought the girls with her and I was playing with them until they left. Later that day I got a text from an unknown number.
It was my sister. She told me the reason she was upset with me was because I wouldn’t watch my niece for free.
She said, “Why would I be your surrogate when you couldn’t watch your niece”. I was livid. The reason that I was pushed away from seeing the girls was because she was mad at me.
I had seen her use the girls like that before (when our mom made her mad many years ago and she refused to let her see them. And even the eldest from her father, even though they have a court agreement and he’s allowed to see her) I just never thought she’d do that to me.
In her text, she explained that she wanted to be there for me during my pregnancy. And that she basically couldn’t go on without me knowing the reason why I was upset even though she had blocked me for 8 months without a reason as to why.
I only responded with an “I didn’t know how much it’d meant to you and I’m sorry for that, but I have a busy and a house to run. I literally can’t afford to take in children for free.” I asked her to understand but once again, she left me on read.
Now that I’m 3 months pregnant, I’m not interested in trying to build a relationship with her or having her involved in the pregnancy. I feel like she “put me in my place” when she kept the children from me. And after countless times of asking to see them, I (very emotional right now) can’t take another rejection if I asked for them now.
I’d rather just keep them all at a healthy distance.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’d be breaking the law if you had more children in a daycare home than you are permitted to have, and you cannot tell a regular client they can’t bring their kid this week because your sister had an emergency.
She’s being cruel to her children, and you don’t have to cooperate with that.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has had a change of heart because you’re pregnant and she knows she won’t be able to use her children as punishment anymore.
She also probably realizes she will be left out of a lot of upcoming events due to her pettiness. Don’t waste your energy on her unless and until she gives you a genuine apology. You should explain to her that she has permanently damaged your relationship and the relationship between you and her children because of her immaturity.
This is not a time to deal with stress from your sister. Enjoy your pregnancy and focus on staying healthy and relaxed.” ogo7
Another User Comments:
“Clearly NTJ. Your sister imagined a scenario in her head about surrogacy and then used that imaginary scenario to get angry about you not paying the imaginary scenario back by providing free child care at short notice.
Your sister sounds incredibly emotionally immature. Sure you could all do with better communication skills but you should limit interactions with your sister til she’s grown up a bit.” User
8. AITJ For Reporting My Roommate's Neglect Of Her Dog And Unsanitary Living Conditions?
“I (20F) recently got a new roommate (18F) this summer in a college apartment where roommates are randomly assigned. We both have dogs.
When my roommate first moved in, things were okay until I noticed she was messy, and her dog was the main issue. I started noticing a disgusting smell in the apartment, and after checking the common areas, I realized it was coming from her room.
I assumed she’d deal with it, but when I confronted her, she bought a carpet cleaner, which didn’t work. The smell persisted, and she didn’t get professional cleaning like she said she would.
She also left her dog alone for long periods, sometimes over 12 hours, during which the dog would bark.
Although annoying, I could handle it. However, three incidents involving her dog were too much for me.
The first incident was when she traveled and claimed her sister would check on her dog, but no one came. I had to take care of the dog.
When I told her to get a dog sitter because I couldn’t keep watching her dog, she finally came back.
The second incident was when she went to the hospital, leaving her dog and a second unfamiliar dog in her room. I have a deep fear of this particular breed because of past attacks.
I couldn’t enter her room out of fear, so I fed the dogs through the door. When she returned, I told her management had taken the stray dog away.
The final straw was the third incident. From Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, her dog was left alone.
The apartment smelled, and the dog’s bowls were empty. I took care of her dog, but by Wednesday, the apartment stench was unbearable. I knocked on her door, but there was no answer. I entered her room and found piles of dog poop, the smell of dog pee, an open bag of Takis her dog had gotten into, flies everywhere, and no food or water for the dog.
I cleaned up her room, fed her dog, and told apartment management. The fly infestation had spread to my room, and my dog was bitten by them, causing him to itch constantly. I could no longer tolerate the smell or the situation.
Management said there was no space to move me, and today my roommate sent me a passive-aggressive text accusing me of things I didn’t do and telling me to stay out of her business.
She said she’s moving out soon. I fired back at her, but now I feel bad that she’s being kicked out and wonder if I overreacted. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t get your roommate kicked out. You reported a genuine and legitimate issue.
Your roommate got herself kicked out because she’s a self-centered entitled jerk. NTJ for that, but you are a jerk for not reporting her mistreat of her dog to animal control” ScubaSuze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave your roommate plenty of chances to fix the situation, and it sounds like you were more than patient with her behavior.
Taking care of her dog multiple times, especially when it was left alone for long periods, was kind of you, but it’s not your responsibility. The neglect of her dog and the resulting unsanitary conditions crossed a line, especially when it started affecting your living space and your own dog’s well-being.
Reporting the situation to management was the right thing to do, as it had become unlivable for you. Unfortunately, she’s being kicked out, but her actions and irresponsibility led to this. You’re not in the wrong for wanting a clean and safe home.” GlintMynx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate is abusing that dog via neglect. Poor buddy. You did the right thing by reporting the mess, but I think you need to report her for animal cruelty to give that dog a chance. Contact your local animal welfare organization (e.g. Humane Society), they will investigate and hopefully at least startle her into shaping up.” Strange_Shallot8833
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Best Friend I Knew About His Marital Problems?
“My best friend (36M) is going through a separation right now with his wife (36F) who I (36M) am also longtime friends with. I was even the best man at their wedding. I didn’t find out about the separation until one day I called his wife to ask if they would watch my dog while I was out of town.
She informed me and my brother who was with me at the time that she couldn’t because she now lived in a small house with cats and her 4 kids. I was floored to hear their relationship had deteriorated to this point. She said that she was surprised that her husband had not told me yet as it had been over 5 weeks ago that she left. I have hung out with him multiple times without him even giving the smallest hint that things were not going well.
Now it has been 3 weeks since she told me what was happening, and he still has not said a word about it to me. I figured he wanted privacy as I would imagine most people would during such a hard time, so I just kept hanging out with him like I normally do.
Now last night my friend and my brother were in the kitchen talking and my brother accidentally let it slip that we knew he was having marital problems. He asked how long we had known. My brother replied roughly 2-3 weeks. He called us bad friends (and a few choice words) for not bringing it up to him right away.
He claims we made him look stupid by not saying anything.
I walked into the kitchen and tried to explain that I didn’t bring it up as he never showed any signs of wanting to talk about it and he actively talked about his wife and kids as if everything was normal. I thought if he wanted to talk about it, he would confide in me when he was ready.
Unfortunately, he did not see it that way. After some more choice words for us, he stormed off and went home.
It now has been a week without any word from him and I fear the friendship that has lasted since junior year in high school is now over.
I feel like I did the right thing by trying to respect his privacy, but AITJ and should have told him from the very beginning when I found out. The small doubt in the back of my mind is keeping me up at night. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that door was for him to open, and he’s completely flustered now that he was “busted” by you for not informing you. He’s right that he looks stupid, but he’s wrong about who is making him look stupid. He’s doing that all by himself.
He’s not handling this situation very well – he was too embarrassed to bring it up with you and was acting as if everything was normal – pretty strong signs of embracing denial. You could attempt to salvage things by letting him know that you’re there for him.” Fartin_Scorsese
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you handled this perfectly fine in my opinion as it is more of a jerk move to bring things up that people aren’t comfortable with. If he was, he would have opened up by himself. NTJ, and I agree with others that he’s embarrassed for pretending that everything was fine when it wasn’t.
It doesn’t make him a jerk that he hid this or lashed out as the situation seems like a big deal for him and he’s having a hard time recognizing and accepting his feelings and the reality. Honestly, two months is not that long considering not only his wife moved out but also his kids, it’s a big change to adjust.” Awkward_Property3043
Another User Comments:
“I would have done the same thing! That being said, clearly your friend wanted something different. Right now, I don’t think the issue for you is “AITJ,” it’s how do I fix this? Regardless of what internet strangers say, the one and *only* opinion you should care about is your hurting best friend’s.
Please, reach out with an apology. Tell him you are sorry you didn’t handle this situation the way he wanted and you are there for him! He’s heartbroken and probably feels alone. My verdict is No jerks here” SchipperLeeLuv
6. AITJ For Wanting Our Bedroom Off-Limits During My Wife's Late Night Socializing?
“My wife (28F) and I (28F) have been together for about 13 years. For almost all of that, my wife has been severely depressed has barely left the house has not ever worked or had friends at all in that time. Recently, she has finally sought out mental health help and is doing so much better.
I am so incredibly happy for her. She has even made friends with a group of women in our area. She’s been going out with them, or going over to their places, but really would like to have them over to our house. I agree that this is a great idea.
The issue is, she would like to have one of these women over at 8 pm this Wednesday to watch a movie. That’s a little tough for me because that’s a work night for me and a school night for our two young daughters, but I agreed on one condition.
That condition is that they stay in the living room/kitchen area and she does not bring her into our room. My reason is that I want to be free to go to bed whenever I want, and I want to be able to have a private spot to exist and relax before bed. Also, my youngest often has trouble sleeping and her being able to come lay with me when she gets scared is important to both her and I.
Well…apparently, I’m being unreasonable. A couple of things my wife has in common with this woman are computer gaming and guitar, the setups for which both are in our bedroom. I understand why not having access to the bedroom is inconvenient…but, it would also be inconvenient to me as I have to get up at 5 am to get ready for work and to get our kids ready for school.
If she ever invites her back on a nonschool night, I’d be happy to allow her in the room. The other thing is…the plan is to watch a movie and they’re not even starting til 8. I don’t see why they can’t plan video games and guitar on another night.
But, my wife hasn’t stopped pouting. Saying I’m never on her side and I’m not rooting for her to finally have friends. Which is incorrect. I’ve been pushing for 13 years for her to make friends, helping and encouraging in any way I can. I just want peace, quiet, and privacy in my bedroom on a work and school night.
I understand it’s her room too, so maybe I am being unreasonable. I don’t know. So, AITJ for asking that my wife’s friend not come into our room to play video games and guitar?”
Another User Comments:
” NTJ since your wife has not been socializing as a married person, she may not realize that asking to take over the master bedroom, especially on a weeknight is not reasonable.
Even having someone over on a weeknight with small children could create excitement enough for the kids. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Honestly, your wife seems “babied” to me. She has never worked and you get up and get your children ready for school? Your request is perfectly reasonable.
If your wife and her friend want to stay up late, then a weeknight is not the time to do it. And maybe you need to put her gaming equipment elsewhere than your bedroom. And the guitar? No way should she be doing that at 8 pm or later on a school night with children.
It is good for your wife to have friends, but her family is still her priority. And why can’t they just watch the movie?” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wife might be dealing with some anxiety about having a friend over. Since you mentioned she doesn’t have friends, she could be worried that this person won’t want to hang out again, which might explain why she feels the need to pack everything into one night.
Or maybe she’s just really excited to finally show her new friend all the cool stuff she’s only been able to share with family. Either way, you’re NTJ. If she isn’t already in therapy, it could help. A therapist might be able to help her manage her anxiety and energy, and explain why it’s completely reasonable to ask for privacy and quiet at 8 p.m. on a school or work night.” YesIHaveSeenHeathers
5. AITJ For Wanting To Evict The Caretaker Of My Grandparents' Home?
“My grandparents bought a vacation home in a small mountain town back in the early 2000s and found P, an older retired woman, to be a tenant and caretaker.
P is expected to do basic things like periodically dust, drip faucets in the winter run dehumidifiers during the summer, coordinate with landscapers, and notify us if the house needs any repairs (which my family pays to have fixed). Importantly, P does not and has never paid rent or utilities.
She lives in the home for free. My grandfather is a kind soul, and she’s friends with some of my grandparent’s closest friends.
Over the past decade, P has become increasingly difficult and has let the house fall into disrepair. My partner and I unknowingly moved there in 2022 and stayed for a year.
During that time we discovered leaks in the roof and windows, rotting siding and porches, mold, etc. Tens of thousands of dollars of repairs.
When we tried to find a contractor P fought us. She insisted that the work didn’t need to be done.
She said that everything was fine. She lied about when major appliances (eg water heater) were serviced. She told us we weren’t allowed to have contractors come into her part of the house, despite giving multiple heads-ups over multiple days prior.
She is emotionally combative towards my family and is generally one of these “woe is me, the world owes me” type of people.
We don’t see any signs of dementia or an altered sense of reality (I work in the mental health field and am familiar with what these look like) that would explain the behavior, although I suspect a personality disorder. My partner and I now avoid staying there because dealing with her is exhausting.
My mom and I want my grandfather to evict her. We feel that she is going to continue to damage the house. My grandfather was initially on board, but now is hedging and saying he feels bad and just wants to wait for things to “naturally take their course”.
AITJ for continuing to pressure my grandfather to evict her? She is financially supporting a disabled sister on only SSI. She likely would not be able to find other housing in the area. I believe housing is a basic human right…but I don’t think that means we need to provide that housing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a business arrangement. She does work and she receives board/rent. If she is no longer willing or able to address major issues with the property, she is not able to receive her “pay.” You guys have a difficult situation and I think you need to involve lawyers to know what you can demand of her and what options you have going forward.
I would recommend that if you want to give her an “improvement plan” to determine if she can stay, you be very clear on all her expected tasks. She would need to document and provide you or your grandpa with proof of all maintenance done and all contractor inspections you require monthly or yearly or whatever.” eowynsheiress
Another User Comments:
“Take your grandpa to the house or at least do a video house tour for him. If he is still willing to pay for its disrepair, it is up to him, I guess, although I would also be frustrated to see a close family member wasting tens of thousands, especially on some unpleasant stranger.
Ask your grandpa this – does he want to be remembered by his family for this “good deed”? If he wants to be charitable, tell him you will help him set up a scholarship for needy kids at his alma mater or something. NTJ.” thepatriot74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and people on here are insane. I think you ultimately need to leave the decision up to the homeowner but this woman was given the best free ride I have ever heard of and is still letting the house fall into disrepair.
Then fighting you guys on actually getting things fixed up? I am honestly perplexed as to why she is so controlling about contractors fixing a roof.” Strong-Panic
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Father Missed My Son's First Birthday For His Partner's Church Event?
“My son turned one this past weekend. On Sunday, my husband and I threw a birthday party for him at a local kids’ venue. We confirmed the date, with both the venue and our guests, a few months ago. One of those guests was my father.
Back when I informed him of the date, he told me he’d come.
A few days before the party, he asked if there was any way for me to reschedule it. I said no, as we’d already confirmed everything with the venue. My father then told me he’d be late to the party because there was an event at his partner’s church on the same day, and she wanted him to attend.
I should say that my immediate family, including my father, is technically catholic, but none of us practice it. However, my father’s partner is VERY religious. Like Jesus as her phone wallpaper religious. Since they started seeing each other (a little over a year ago), my father has been attending church with her on a semi-regular basis.
He has explicitly told me he doesn’t like it, but does it to make her happy.
I told my father I was fine with him being late, as long as he came to the party at some point. He said he’d show up as soon as the church event was done.
A few hours before the party ended, my father texted me the event was still going, and he thought “it would be in poor taste” for him to leave early, so he probably wouldn’t be able to come. I didn’t hear from him again that day.
On Monday, my father called me to explain that the event went on for longer than he expected. He didn’t apologize but asked if I was angry at him, and I said yes.
He said he had no way of knowing the event would last as long as it did, but that’s not what I’m upset about.
I told him he still chose to prioritize an event he didn’t even want to attend over his grandson’s first birthday party, made several other choices that led him to completely miss the latter and didn’t inform me about any of that until the last minute.
All of those decisions were his, so the fact he ultimately didn’t come to the party was his fault.
My father is still refusing to apologize, and insists I have no right to be angry over something he had “no control over.”
I’m starting to feel odd about this.
My husband is on my side, but my sister told me I’m being dramatic.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He made his choice, asked if you were upset, and was told “yes” you were to which he said well actually I was expecting you to placate MY feelings about missing the party and prioritizing my partner (who is an adult) over my grandson.
Don’t. You seriously do not need to soothe his feelings. Say to him clearly once more, “I’m upset you chose to miss the party. Why you missed it is beside the point. It’s not like you were in the ER with a ruptured spleen after a massive car wreck.
You were with your partner. Period”. He doesn’t get a free pass on your feelings just because he values his comfort over yours.” Tough-Combination-37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is an adult, and he chose to attend a different event. He asked if you were upset, and you answered him honestly.
He chose his partner over his grandchild. It’s understandable to be disappointed in him and upset that he made the choices he’s made. He may do this again in the future. I do think hanging onto your anger only eats away at you, though. Doesn’t seem to be bothering him all that much.
Make peace with the fact that he’s going to choose the partner. Adulting sucks sometimes.” Odd_West_8860
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your father had a choice and he made it. Your son’s birthday was not a priority but his partner’s event was. You have a right to feel hurt.
He could have chosen not to go, or to sit in a part of the church where slipping out would not be an issue, or simply told the minister beforehand that it was his grandbaby’s birthday and he may have to dip out. He chose to be with his partner, not his grandson, ouch.
I am sorry. Good luck having this conversation in a way that helps your dad make better choices in the future. Hugs.” Electrical_Motor_892
3. AITJ For Attending My Son's Soccer Game During My Ex-Wife's Visitation Weekend?
“So, my ex-wife and I have been divorced for 3 years. She lives out of state and I have sole custody of our two sons.
She has monthly weekend visitations and this past weekend was her visitation weekend. She works remotely and could move back nearby, which would let her see the kids more regularly, but has chosen not to, and for now this is the arrangement.
Our younger son is in first grade and plays soccer.
I’ve been supporting him by attending all of his games this season. It was his 5th out of 6 games, and since my ex-wife was with him for her weekend, I gave her all the information she needed for the game and packed his soccer gear to make it easier for her.
I decided to show up at the game because I wanted to support my son like I always do. I decided to sit near my ex-wife and older son to show that we could be amicable and put our son first. At some point during the game, she noticed that my younger son was giving 50/50 attention between her and me and seemed to get upset.
She approached me and aggressively told me, “You need to move down the field because I want this to be a special moment between me and my son,” and said, “You move or I will,” right in front of both our sons. Not wanting to escalate things, I moved further down the field and cheered him on from there for the rest of the game.
After the game, I approached my younger son to hug him and tell him he did a great job. I then walked to my car, which was parked two spots down from my ex-wife’s. She followed me there to confront me and said, “Thank you for moving, but that was extremely inappropriate!
You know what you were doing, and it will not happen again!” She said this loudly enough for our sons, who were in her car with the door open, to hear. I stayed calm and simply told her to go be with our sons and that I would see them tomorrow when I picked them up.
She replied, “You’ll be hearing from me about this!” I just quietly got into my car and drove away. This was yesterday and I have not heard from her yet. She was upset and in the future, I will not be sitting near her to avoid any more confrontations.
So, AITJ for attending my son’s soccer game and potentially overstepping during my ex-wife’s visitation weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Both of my sisters have kids, and both have split up from their dads, and both have done what you did.
They attend dance hockey and horse lessons as a group some of the time, sometimes they don’t, but there is no anger or animosity between them no matter whose week it is with the kids. Your ex needs to realize that this WILL happen. There is no way around it.
She and you made two humans together, and are both involved in their lives. Sometimes your paths will cross, and as they get older and their schedules get more complicated, she will have to figure out how to share time with all of you. This is what happens when you split up from the person you had children with, and if she refuses to grow up and accept it, she’s going to be the one making everyone’s lives miserable.
She’s also free to attend the games when it’s your time with the kids, I assume?” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My parents and step-parents attended many soccer games for their kids with exes around. It’s about THE KIDS. Do they love hanging out? Would they always sit together, nope, but sometimes they did.
Now they have grandkids, and there are times they’re still together. When you have kids with someone, even if you’re divorced, you’re linked for life. You can choose to put your kids first or yourself. Sounds like your ex is in the latter category.” WitchyWoman77777
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Wife At Family Gatherings?
“My ex-wife and I had problems, 7 years of marriage, she made new work friends and started going with them all the time.
After a while, she started getting weird with me. Eventually, it came to a head when she was on a trip and I called her out on a lie. She blew up on me and when she came back from her trip she said she was done.
She was getting her cell phone plan, bank account, and place to live.
After she moved out she wanted to play the game off trying to keep me on the side but still go do whatever. I was not up for that and I was just over it for the year she was just ripping me apart and tearing me down.
So eventually I started talking to someone else. Then the accusations started flying she started telling my family and anybody else all these made-up stories of me. Enough to where my family starts acting strange around me. At this point, I always speculated something was going on with one of her co-workers toward the end of the marriage but she denied and I had no evidence, she would just make me sound crazy.
Then one day I logged into her Instagram because I had an uneasy feeling and bam the guy, I suspected and her were chatting. I scroll up to March and there it is. He sent her a meme about sending inappropriate pictures and how good that behind looks before hitting it from the back.
Several chats of them talking about them hooking up and making fun of me. So I exposed her to everyone and he was married as well. My family did a 180 on her after that.
But now I’m starting to distance myself from my family because they treat my new partner like crap.
But they still invite my ex-wife to family gatherings or certain birthday parties and Christmas. It’s very awkward we came to a place where I can talk to her peacefully for our kids. I just don’t feel I should be forced into these events with her there when there’s no reason for her to be there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You did everything right. If it was me I would not attend any gatherings if she was there, none. I would ask if she is going to be there and then decline the invite. If you show up and she is there I’d just immediately leave.
You should have zero obligation to have any interaction with her other than dealing with the kids.” Timely-Profile1865
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Have a serious talk with your family. Put your foot down. There is no need for them to invite her to anything at this point.
Not after her sneaking around and lying. I assume you have shared custody? She gets to see your kids on her days. Not your family days with your family. If they want to see her, they should do it on their own time. If your parents won’t listen to reason, stop coming to family events and just enjoy your time with your kids on your own.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“Forget your family and your ex-wife. You said and exposed the truth and they’re still doing you like this. You don’t need them and the sooner you fill your time and space with people who are 100 with you, you’ll be better off.
And you should be honest with your kids about your feelings and what certain people are doing and making you feel. Kids see through stuff and are very sensitive to other people’s feelings. We only grow colder when we grow older.” Classic-Joke-9486
1. AITJ For Refusing To Buy An Expensive Concert Ticket And Telling My Friend She's Not A Professional Singer?
“I work while completing my postgraduate degree. My family doesn’t have the means to support me financially so I’m pretty frugal, I avoid debt and always have emergency savings just to be safe as there are no other backup options (in fact I’m the backup option for my siblings at times )
I have a close friend Rani who is the opposite, she’s easygoing and doesn’t care about being in debt or living paycheck to paycheck as YOLO. The difference is her mother works overtime to pay her bills regularly so she doesn’t worry about debt being a problem.
Rani likes karaoke and has recently joined an Indian music group as a guest participant (last few months), they’re apparently holding a concert now and Rani is insisting that I purchase a ticket and go to watch her sing. Ticket for this concert is $70.
I told Rani that this was too much and that I wasn’t in a position to be able to spend that much, especially as I recently had unexpected costs which she’s aware of.
She kept insisting that I should go, that she knew I could afford it, & that I was being a bad friend, the ticket price was cheap, etc. I told her if it was so cheap, she could give me a ticket but for me, it was not cheap.
She then started complaining that I should be wanting to support her, that I never support her when she wants to go out to these big events (Not true, in the last few years I’ve gone to quite a few “events” that she insisted I attend, each costing 80-150, though I don’t go to every single one due to how busy I am + cost factor ).
This is where I may have messed up, I told her that it wasn’t a big deal if I didn’t go, and when she said “Come on I’ll be singing” I said “Yeah but you’re not an artist/singer, you’re doing this for fun, it’s not like this is your career”
She got really angry at that and said “Just cause you can’t sing, doesn’t mean I can’t hold a concert” She called me a jerk, among some other names. We haven’t talked since and I’m wondering AITJ for saying that. The cost was the main reason why I couldn’t go but she kept pushing and wouldn’t accept that being as valid and I think I made a careless comment, I didn’t think she’d be offended since singing is a new hobby she’s picked up and it’s never been more.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I was with you but you kinda lost steam at the end. ESH Obviously, she is a jerk for not taking no for an answer and badgering you to come when you repeatedly said you could not afford it. But, despite whatever you *meant* to say, what you said to her near the end was rude and not warranted. While you would have been fine had you either shut the convo down or stuck to the main reason you can’t come, you switched gears into something more personal against her.” applebum8807
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The most expensive concert ticket I’ve ever bought was $70 and it was for the Mars Volta *reunion* tour. Most national touring acts don’t charge anywhere near that much. I don’t know what world this person is living in that $70 is a reasonable cover charge for an event.
Compared to like a $1k Taylor Swift show or something maybe but she plays for hours and has an enormous production budget. What other events has she been a part of that were $80-150? This is wild.” honestcharlieharris
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She shouldn’t have pressured you.
You shouldn’t have minimized something she enjoys. FYI you can be an artist without pursuing it as a career. Honestly, that’s most artists. The majority of creatives do not make enough profit from their work alone to sustain themselves. The stereotype of starving artists exists for a reason.” Mobile_Following_198
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