People Are Disgusted By These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate Confront My Mom Over A Fridge Mishap?
“I currently live with 3 other roommates and we have this set rule that we have our own shelves in the pantry and our own sections in the fridge.
My mom came down to visit me for Labor Day weekend and she decided to bring me some groceries since I have been telling her that it’s been hard finding time to cook between school and my jobs.
She ended up bringing a lot of groceries that were going to fill up the fridge so she decided to rearrange it in order to make the space more efficient. I let her know the bottom shelf was mine and that she should leave the rest of the stuff alone.
What ended up happening was that when I wasn’t looking she had thrown away some leftovers which I didn’t find out about until later when my roommate texted our apartment group chat and asked about the leftovers. She was understandably upset and said she would like to be paid back.
I texted back letting her know about the mishap and said I would be happy to pay her back for the mistake.
She then proceeded to text me saying “Hey I’m not mad at you but I would like to speak to your mom before she leaves”.
I didn’t respond to this text because when she had sent it I was asleep but she sent another text an hour later asking again “What time does she leave?”
I responded to her when I woke up and said once again I was sorry for the mishap and would pay her back for the food but didn’t think it would be a good idea to talk to my mom and that we should just leave the situation as is especially since my mom was leaving that day.
Was my response rude or should I just have let her speak to my mom about the whole fridge situation? For context, my response to her texts was as reads “I’m sorry about your food being thrown away and I will pay you back for however much it was and I talked to my mom about the fridge and just being respectful about the space.
I honestly think it’d be better to just leave it at that especially since my mom isn’t staying long”
My mom has since left and I paid her back for her food but now whenever I walk into the common space she completely avoids me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The typical social protocol is that if someone is a guest in a home that is shared by roommates, whoever’s guest it is, is responsible for them. You took responsibility for her and her actions. That’s as far as that needs to go.
Also, the situation was already resolved and that resolution was agreed to. There was nothing for your roommate to gain from talking to your mom other than a sense of personal satisfaction from lecturing her and engaging in pointless drama. You don’t need to indulge someone just wanting to take out frustration on someone for the sake of it.
Seems like now they’re getting their drama fix by redirecting that energy toward you. You can either give her what she wants in letting this boil over into a confrontation or just carry on unbothered until she sees she’s not getting her fix from you and wait until she finds something/someone else to be confrontational towards.” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But I probably would have let her speak to your mom. Accident it may have been; she still overstepped when she was told not to, and acted quite rudely as a guest. Your roommate speaking up would not be rude or unreasonable.
Asking for an apology isn’t rude or unreasonable. It might be overkill to you and me, but it’s still her food and items that were on her shelves that a guest took and discarded. I’m viewing it as whether protecting mother is worth ongoing drama, or whether it’s needlessly sacrificial. Yes, your mother would be uncomfortable.
But it’s uncomfortable because it’s the consequence of her action and it’s temporary; they’d never see each other again.” StripedBadger
23. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Because Of My Roommate's Disrespectful Behavior?
“So I (f20) and my roommate Moira (f19) signed a lease this last May so that we could live in an apartment for the fall semester.
The problem is that Moira had been living here over the summer for 4 months while I worked back in my home state. She lived with her parents last year so all of the living room furniture, electronics (TV, Series… etc.), and the kitchen stuff (pots, pans, microwave, etc…) in the apartment is mine.
After a bit of acclimation on my part, little things started bothering me. I would wipe things down with a rag using dish soap and vinegar because Lysol makes my sinuses want to kill me. She would then say it’s not clean and then do it over again with Lysol.
The Air fryer which she used once in July when I stayed for a couple of days was still dirty and I didn’t want to clean it but soot from when I opened it on the counter was left there. She then wanted me to clean the tiny spot before I left for my 8 am as I was walking out the door.
I explained what it was and then she disagreed that I should clean it.
She ruined all my non-stick pans and talked to me like I was 5. She was slowly telling me how to fill the Brita and how to spray the counters (with Lysol).
Moira uses all of my items and doesn’t take care of them, and argues why we should share groceries instead of buying our own. I understand she’s never had a roommate, but I feel like you should have at least a little knowledge about what that entails before rooming with someone other than family.
I’m just very tired and want to move out so I can focus on school, but I feel it would ruin our friendship. She also has said she’s never been tested for anything and she would like to, so if her behavior has anything to do with a mental disorder I don’t want to fault her because of it.”
Another User Comments:
“I moved out from an apartment about 3 months before the lease ended as I was not getting along with her and was getting married in 2 months. I had been living with my fiancé for about 2 months and still was paying my share of the rent.
I started to move my furniture to my future home when I discovered she had someone else using my room and furniture. This girl was also paying half the rent so her former roommate was living for free. I never did find out what happened when the new girl came home from work and found all the bedroom furniture, kitchen table, and chairs gone.
Also, most of the dishes, flatware, and glasses were gone. I did get my deposit back at the end of the lease and she got kicked out because subleases were not permitted.” Aggravating-Dust-610
22. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Keep His Promise So I Can Work On My Shop?
“I own a small shop making clothes & accessories for kids. My partner (& baby daddy) is trying to make it big as a streamer.
He made an affiliate finally & then barely streamed after saying he was losing money because barely anyone watched. Mind you he has the option to game every single night after he gets off (7 pm) or I get off (3 pm). I have to ask, more like beg, to have any time for myself or my business.
The only way I get to do my open orders is by having my sitter stay the night or keep our kid overnight once or twice a week. We have something worked out for every week. It works for the most part. He never has to do more than his 2-3 days a week while I work.
Doesn’t do house chores either. I had a sale a few weeks ago that was HUGE. I sold over $700 worth of product but it was a pre-order meaning I had to order fabric & make the items.
My TAT was 2-4 weeks excluding weekends.
My sitter & family are sick with the flu so I missed work & didn’t get time for my orders which are already behind because the fabric was a week late. I asked if I could have time last night or tonight & he had the other night.
I got 10 mins in last night & received a text that he was falling asleep & couldn’t watch our kid & made to stop. I told him that I HAD to have tonight to get some stuff done. I also agreed before that I would have some time on Sunday (both of us are off).
Well, now both are an issue because he wants to stream. He had all week to do so & chose not to. I’m the jerk because I’m expecting him to give me the time he agreed to. My orders have been paid for & I’m getting close to reaching my TAT.
This could ruin my shop which just started picking up. He says he should just quit streaming because I’m ruining his chances. I have done SO much to help him reach affiliates & more. I promote his stuff more than he does himself. I have been so supportive of him & he is not of my shop one bit.
I’m beyond stressed about getting these orders done. So AITJ for expecting the time I was promised even though we were both supposed to get one night for our stuff?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and from your post and comment, I think you’re aware you deserve more.
His response is passive-aggressive and guilt-tripping, not that of a man wanting to make things work. I’m sorry your usual solution (babysitter) isn’t working this time, is it possible to bring in assistance from a friend or family member?” zombiemommy
Another User Comments:
“OMG, NTJ, what a nightmare your partner is though. A true personal partnership means both people should be there to help each other out. It seems like you’re the only one doing anything extra for him and he’s playing around and then whining he doesn’t get enough free time.
Boo hoo, welcome to being an adult. I wish you luck with your business. I know it’s hard work. NTJ to expect some help from your partner but I’m afraid he’s a lost cause. Try to find other child care.” Garden_Lady2
21. AITJ For Turning On The Sprinklers To Get My Inconsiderate Neighbors Off My Lawn?
“Basically what the title says, we live in a court with a large front lawn that’s held back by a retaining wall.
The retaining wall fronts the sidewalk, so it’s about 40 feet away from our front door and about 5 feet from the street/court. Today our neighbors and some of their friends/workers (about 3 dudes) were sitting on the front end of our retaining wall, something they’ve done a handful of times recently.
That area is shaded around the noon time so I assume that’s why. I don’t usually water my lawn in the afternoon, but I turned the sprinklers on and got them a little wet, they quickly got up, looked confused, and left. Now my partner is mad at me because she doesn’t feel it’s a big deal and it wasn’t the ‘nice’ thing to do.
She thinks I should have asked them nicely to move first if I felt they’d been hanging around there too often. However, at this point, I don’t feel like asking nicely because they’ve always been inconsiderate.
Here are some examples:
- Parking several cars in the court and causing us to drive around them to get to our driveway.
We asked them to stop and they did mostly stop blocking our driveway. However, they still have events every week where all their friends/family park their cars in our court. So we still have to drive around them to access our driveway.
- They were using a small portion of our driveway to drive into their backyard and it was leaving tire tracks on the corners.
I didn’t like that so I put cinder blocks there. They started to move the cinder blocks out of the way to use our driveway. I let them know it was okay so long as they put the cinder blocks back. They would always forget to put the blocks back even though I’d remind them constantly.
Eventually, I replaced them with heavy planters, and now they can’t use our driveway at all.
- They’ve been working on a shed adjacent to our shared fence. Either they or their workers threw some trash over the fence. Not sure but we never brought it up to them.
- Sometimes they shift/move our garbage cans and don’t fix them.
According to my partner and another roommate, I’ve voiced things to them very “rudely” in the past, so now my partner or our other roommate voices my issues to them. For context, neither my partner nor our other roommate have felt that these issues were a big deal. My partner is unconfrontational and believes in keeping the peace so she feels that I was very rude.
My issue is I don’t feel the need to be considerate when they haven’t been considerate to us. I don’t feel the need to deal with them civilly anymore. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your reactions are making this worse. Take a deep breath and try to understand that having good relationships with your neighbors is worth SO MUCH MORE than having nobody set foot on areas of your property that you aren’t using.
Someone messes with your stuff and your neighbors like you? They’ll run them off or at least tell you what’s going on. They don’t like you? They’ll pop popcorn and watch you get some karma.” SillyString111
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The one time you brought up an issue that was inconveniencing you to them, they remedied it…and none of your issues seem to be anything other than you getting annoyed at nothingness.
Grow up, or get a hobby if you have all this spare time to worry so much about what they’re doing.” laughing loving livid
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know why people are giving you such a hard time. Maybe the vibe of different neighborhoods plays a part.
Maybe there are more fuzzy lines for some neighborhoods and this kind of stuff is no biggie. But in my neighborhood, this would be weird. I would never treat my neighbors the way your neighbors are treating you. And I’m not saying this is a catastrophic situation or anything.
I just would never cross any of these lines and expect that other neighbors engage in the same level of respectfulness for me. And I think the barometer just varies depending on your neighborhood.” Robustly_Crumpet
20. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband's Friend For Pressuring His Sick Fiancée To Have Kids?
“My (32F) husband (36M), has a high school friend (36M).
Let’s call him John. John is a typical jock. Athletic, good-looking, popular with girls. But I’ve been around enough to see and hear him being questionable towards women.
To the story: we were in a group of friends, and I was introducing them to my new baby (0F).
Important info: I had a miserable pregnancy. The topic of having kids came up, and John started saying how he and his fiancee (32F) would be the next.
More important information: his fiancee, Janet, is an amazing lady. Kind, smart, gentle. Recently, she has been through a lot: lost her dad and her health has been terrible.
Not going to say what, but she has a disease that causes headaches, weakness, dizzy spells, fainting, and extreme fatigue. She has become more and more emotionally and physically dependent on him. On top of that she (and I) come from another country. It means her family and support system are not here.
Back to the situation: I asked her if they planned to have kids after the wedding, that is in 2 years. I thought that because it gave her time to recover. He doesn’t let her answer and says they agreed they would only get married after having kids.
I am surprised for two reasons: she always said she wanted kids after marriage and her health is not good. She doesn’t say anything but looks sad.
I argue that it doesn’t seem like a good plan and that a pregnancy now could put her health at risk.
He said her “fertility window is almost closing” and that is now or never. I start getting angry, and we discuss it. I ended up saying he is selfish and this decision is only based on his wants and needs and is hurting her. A form of mistreatment.
The room got quiet and we ended up leaving.
My husband later agreed with me, but said it was not my place to say anything. Our friends are mixed, saying someone had to say it, but that I was too harsh. I felt that maybe was not my place and I was being a busybody, but after being through a hard pregnancy myself, without my family, I know how hard it is.
My husband is a great supportive guy. Meanwhile, John leaves her alone all the time to party and enjoy life. He is dooming someone who trusts him blindly into a horrible situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one but you’re NTJ here.
You were looking out for someone vulnerable (from another country, a bit isolated probably, and unwell) and you know her fiance is a jerk. You were trying to do her a favor but will get flak for it because it was stepping over the line and messing in someone else’s relationship.
It sounds like you did the right thing by speaking up though.” Fromasha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ reproductive mistreatment is a thing and unfortunately it’s rarely called out. He’s straight up saying he doesn’t give a darn about her health or desires and just views her as an incubator.
I wouldn’t be surprised if in private he pushes this boundary and gaslights her to make her feel like she’s being unreasonable for wanting to wait. It’s always uncomfortable to be the one to speak up, especially when everyone else is ignoring the problem. But it’s better that she hears it and realizes she’s not crazy if this is something she doesn’t want.” Silaquix
19. AITJ For Spoiling My Kids With Experiences After My Divorce?
“I (41f) have been divorced from my ex-husband (42M) since 2018. It was about as amicable as a divorce can go. We have 2 kids together (18, 15) and split them 50/50. There are no alimony or child support payments on either side since we both take care of them equally.
For about the past 2 years, he’s had a live-in partner and she has kids around the ages of our boys. I’m not going to lie, I barely know them but we’re all cordial, however, I don’t have their exact ages, other than teens. I know she has one college-age, one in high school, and one in Middle school.
So for one remaining bit of backstory – he and I are both also heavy drinkers in recovery.
I’ve been clean for a few years now, working on everything blah blah blah, but I initially found myself with about an extra $900 a month. I’ve built up savings but still wanted to do things I’ve wanted to do.
So as a part of that, I’ve been getting a lot of experiences for myself and my kids. On my weeks we go to concerts, plays, fairs, short vacations (When they’re not in school) That sort of thing. I’m still actually spending less on this than I was on booze, and let’s be honest, it keeps me distracted. The kids enjoy it, and I don’t know how to say this other than attendance isn’t necessary.
It’s more of “this band I like is coming to town, do you want to see them?” and if yes, I take them.
But recently this has been causing issues with his partner’s kids. She has full custody of them, and they’ve been getting jealous of everything my kids get to do during their weeks with me.
I don’t think it’s excessive honestly, not every night or even every week since I don’t have them every week. We go out specifically ‘for a thing’ maybe twice a month, and it gets all of us out of the house.
Today I took them to the State Fair, and came home to a huge text about how much I’m spoiling them and trying to “make him look bad”.
That isn’t my intent. Honestly, if I have any intent it’s trying to make up lost time and keep myself on a better path.
For clarification, none of these things has cost over $200, beyond the concert I took my kid to for their 18th birthday (Those tickets were $200 each, but it was a birthday/graduation gift).
But I’m not going to lie, I’m new to this whole blended family thing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You get to do what you want on your time with your kids. However, I would caution you to find good coping skills because your kids will move on with their lives at some point and you will need to deal with your disease without using them as a distraction.
Congrats on your sobriety.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“Ntj You can spend all the time and money you like on your kids. Just because your ex has a new relationship and there are stepkids does not mean you have to live at their income level.
I would be thankful for my children if my ex was giving my kids experiences that I was not able to afford. The only caveat would be that your kids are not acting like entitled spoiled brats and they aren’t lauding it over the step-siblings.
Sounds like a great opportunity for your ex and his partner to help the stepkids understand that not everyone has the same life opportunities, and just because others may get things they don’t don’t immediately mean things are unfair. That is huge for everyone to understand.
Congratulations on getting and staying sober!!” beginagain4me
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need to defend yourself from your ex or his flying monkeys. There are always people who have a little or a lot more of this or that. Spending energy sniping about someone they supposedly love getting a nice experience instead of being grateful for the special times they can create is very small.
I would either ignore it or say something like “I don’t interfere in your time with the kids and have no interest in your attempted interference in mine”.” NotThisAgain234
18. AITJ For Messaging A Contact On A Customer's Lost Phone To Notify Them?
“I work retail in a small/medium town. But it’s actively growing and there are lots of businesses, and customers often come in with bags from other stores in the plaza.
If you lose something, it’s unlikely you’ll find it quickly if at all. This is why I was initially comfortable with what I did.
A few weeks ago at work, someone left a very expensive iPhone by accident. After a few hours, she still did not come back for it so I checked if it was locked. It was not.
So I went to messages, tapped on the first contact I saw and left a message explaining where I worked, where the phone was, and asked them to contact her household about the phone(her lock screen was of her kid so my line of thought was that it was likely she had another adult at home).
I did not snoop on the conversation or anything on the phone. Then it went back into the safe room until she came to claim it.
I thought this was a reasonable thing to do as I’ve seen that happen in media, although never in real life had I dealt with it.
She came back in less than an hour later fussing up a storm and calling me ignorant multiple times to my face and to my manager. Turns out her expensive, unlocked phone was her business phone and I had messaged a client. My manager did her best to calm her and get her to leave asap because I was clearly about to cry (I get overwhelmed easily).
My manager made it clear I wasn’t in trouble after she left and we moved on.
Well, this happened in front of a customer who was waiting. When I came back to check her out, she said she heard everything and was appalled at the phone lady’s reaction.
Customer 2 said she would have been grateful in that situation and generally reassured me I shouldn’t feel bad.
When I went home, I told my mom about it and she told me I was dumb to do that but agreed that the phone lady was overreacting when I had good intentions.
I have no idea how to feel about it anymore, but I probably won’t be going out of my way like that again. I can see how I am the jerk and how I wouldn’t be so I’m not going to take offense however I’m judged. Clarifying questions are welcome”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all, she has an iPhone for business and she doesn’t lock it??? You meant well but as the saying goes “No good deed goes unpunished.” You have a cool boss. But don’t do that again. Whoever loses their phone can backtrack their steps.
In her case, however, someone could steal her phone if it doesn’t lock.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The phone lady’s reaction was appalling and she was likely just upset because someone who leaves a phone with client information on it unlocked is a security risk. Obviously, with 20:20 hindsight, it might have been good to look for an ICE contact or just hand the phone to the lost property. I would personally be grateful for anyone returning expensive lost property.
The cursing makes the woman a huge jerk. Her anger was misplaced – she should have been angry at herself and not you. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. iPhone makes it so you can program an ICE number that can be called and texted should someone find your Locked phone.
Its intent is so that EMS can reach a loved one if you are incapacitated, but I’ve used the function on numerous phones I’ve come across to locate the owner and reunite them…. The random woman was a jerk.” Naive-Atmosphere-178
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Toxic Family At My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in a couple of months and my fiancé and I are super excited. We decided to not live together until we got married. Therefore, I’m still at home with my parents in the meantime.
When discussing the guest list some time ago, I originally did not want any of my mom’s family at the wedding. And here’s why. The last time I was up visiting them, it was for my grandmother who was in hospice. I stayed up there to support my mom for 6 weeks.
It was an awful 6 weeks. I slept on an air mattress and both me and my mom were treated terribly by her family for those entire 6 weeks. Despite my grandmother dying a couple of days before we left, I was accused of stealing, and I quote “Eating my aunt out of her house” and my other aunt would continuously ask me “What was wrong with me” since I was single and not married yet.
(I was only 22). The things they said about my mom, and I can go on and on.
Despite all this happening, some years later my mom made up with her sister. But I, on the other hand, do not hold a grudge but chose to NOT spend my time with these toxic MEAN people, family or not.
They have never even bothered with me and the aunt that shamed me for being single, only finally reached out to me after she heard I was getting married.
Now back to making our guest list for my wedding. I did not want any of my mom’s family there.
I think that was pretty understandable. But nope, my mom wouldn’t let it go. I was FORCED to add them on. But I asked for a compromise. I asked, “They can all come to the wedding BUT I asked they please stay somewhere else for my very last night at home.” The night of the wedding I’m gone, so they can do whatever they want at that point.
But now that the invites are out and my mom has got her way, I am now being forced to let them stay here the night before. Mind you, my aunt’s husband has a substance problem and they are heavy smokers which I do not want to be around before my wedding.
Now my mom does not want to come to my wedding because of this. And my dad is completely taking her side in this despite originally agreeing with the compromise before I sent out the invitations.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I completely get why you don’t want them there, and IMHO, your compromise was more than reasonable.
That being said, as it’s not your house, ultimately you don’t get a say in whether they stay there or not, it’s up to your parents, as much as that sucks. I’d recommend getting a hotel. I know you probably wanted “one last night at home”, but is it worth it?” New-Pea-3721
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is wrong for forcing you to invite them. Unfortunately, since you don’t own the home, they have the right to dictate who stays in their home. To me, the compromise would be to get an Airbnb or even a hotel room so that you can be out of the house while they’re in town for the wedding.
Then mom gets her way, you don’t have to be near them, and after the wedding, you can go low or even no contact with your parents for completely disrespecting you and your feelings. I wouldn’t even tell your mom what you’re doing until the day they’re going to arrive.
Just pack everything you might need and let her know as you’re leaving for your temporary lodging.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds like the scapegoat, and instead of growing and realizing the unhealthy dynamic, she continues to lay flatter for them and wants you to do the same.
She will continue to sacrifice you for them, and she will teach your children to do the same. She should be livid on your behalf and cut off people who hurt her child. That’s what real parents do. Also, no one can FORCE you to do anything.
You folded. End of story which sounds just like her. You need to own that. Uninvite them ALL. You are setting yourself and your soon-to-be-formed little family to be just like her. It’s time to stand up for yourself since your mom will not ever.” ConflictOk8020
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Stay At Her Coworker's House?
“To start, my wife and I have been together for a little over 4 years now. We have had rocky times but we have been happy together for the most part. We have a 1 and 1/2-year-old who is our love and joy. Well, she got a job and one of her coworkers, who we will call Beth, became very good friends.
So she would go after work to her house and whatnot and leave me to take care of our son. That was okay until it became an every-week routine 2-3 times a week. So I had some problems with it because I was being forced to stay home by myself and our kid.
While this was all going on, she proceeded to tell me that I was a jerk for not letting her do her own thing and that I was a terrible partner.
So, I’m having a mental breakdown and got very very depressed. I couldn’t express my feelings without her just being cold and distant and not caring.
I, at one point, go through her phone and see a message between her and Beth. My wife says she wishes she could have saved the messages where they told each other how they felt about each other. I confronted her about it and she apologized and said it wasn’t that big of a deal and that it was just situational. She said it was because we were having issues and Beth had just gotten out of a relationship.
The feelings I was told were temporary.
So I was even more depressed after all that. I told her that she should not go to her house anymore after work until she stopped feeling that way, I had set a boundary there. Not only a couple days later she asks if she can go there and I say no, it hasn’t even been a week.
Then an argument broke out and again I’m called controlling and whatnot. So she gets her way again. Now flash forward 2-3 months and she has stayed the night there the past 2 weekends and I am uncomfortable with the fact that she is staying the night there.
She had before I found out there were feelings involved, but now things are different. If I say anything about it then I’m the bad guy and I know that’s how it will go. So, am I wrong in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Sounds like your wife is involved with her coworker – and even if she’s not, who spends the weekends staying at their friend’s house when their family (including a toddler….) is at home? You asked her to stop, and she isn’t. So she’s disregarding you and your feelings.” Lizzydeathstar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m so sorry but your wife is probably involved with someone else. As a mother of a 2-year-old, I cannot even imagine spending 1/3-1/2 of my nights away from him. I know not everyone has motherly instincts, but dang. Start saving everything and building a case for custody of your kid- I hope it doesn’t come to that but if it does your baby should live with you.
I would also see if you can drum up more support- single parenting is ROUGH and it does take a village to successfully raise a toddler. Do you feel close to any friends or relatives who may be able to help out?” neotic_sky
Another User Comments:
“Eesh… NTJ, but that’s not the way to do it. Sounds like you’re both going through something and she’s found a way to cope. It’s not about controlling her but you should both have a totally honest conversation about the state of your relationship… because it sounds like perhaps it’s damaged beyond repair.
Trying to get her to be honest is going to be the hardest part but if she can do it, then you can both be civil with each other. Her saying you are controlling by trying to stop her from being involved with someone else is pure gaslighting.” ObsessesObsidian
15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Estranged Sister To Take My Child For A Month?
“My sister offered to take my 3-year-old with her home to Chicago for a month to help me out.
My (30F) older sister (48F) lives in Chicago and we live in North Carolina. I am the youngest of 9 and I never formed a relationship with her.
I tried a long time ago but it just didn’t work out.
A little background of our relationship:
In her childhood, our mother allowed some bad things to happen to her, so I genuinely believe that she took her frustrations out on me instead of our mother so I try to give her grace.
In my childhood, she treated me like a step-sister. She treated me like I was a nuisance to be around. She would call me names and would pick at me about the smallest things. She would show blatant favoritism by getting my cousin gifts and not getting me anything as a child.
She would do this in front of me. She would talk down to me. She never tried spending quality time with me. Whenever she would talk to me, it would always be about what I was doing wrong. There’s so much more but I would be typing all day.
Now that we’re older, she doesn’t even call me. I have called her on numerous occasions to check in on her. For example, when she was admitted to the hospital because she had an allergic reaction AND when she almost cut her fingers off, I called her.
When my daughter was in the hospital, she never called to check on me to see if I was okay or to see if my baby was okay. If anything she made me feel guilty for being in the hospital with my child while she was having HEART surgery.
She asked me, “Why has our mother been watching your children for 2 weeks” … they knew why. When I reminded her about my child’s heart surgery, she said to me, “Well. Your other children miss you and you need to get them. I’m not sure why you’re so concerned about your child in the hospital. She won’t remember any of it when she gets older.”
She asked me why I said no. And I told her, “I’m not leaving my child for an entire month with someone I don’t trust in an entirely different state. I don’t even KNOW you. You’ve never shown empathy towards me or her in the past and you expect me to leave her with you.
I would never in my life do that.”
Now everyone is calling me a jerk because I hurt her feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so proud of you for telling the truth and holding a healthy boundary!! I am so proud of you!
Dysfunctional families rally around jerks and bully survivors. Their behavior of bullying you confirms who they are. How do they even know what you said to her? Hmmmm? Did she run to them to tell them and gang them up against you? How is any of this THEIR business?
It’s not. You did well to get away from them. Good job! Ignore the haters! Anyone calling you a jerk who is not HER is being manipulated. The best way to respond is, “I know you know better than to believe everything you hear”.
And “ I wouldn’t be discussing our private business with anyone”- if they ask you to dish. You’ve got this. Good job.” kitkatcoco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For what it’s worth, I have a great relationship with my sister. If, however, she wanted to take my three-year-old for a _month_ my answer would be no. My daughter has never been away from us for more than a few days – a month would be far too stressful for her.” Gloomy_Ruminant
14. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's A Bad Mother?
“I (25f) have my personal feelings around being an eldest sibling, and feeling parentified by my single mother (50f), but I always try to be sympathetic and extend my understanding. I can comprehend why she had to rely on me from a young age, and even though I feel all of my needs were neglected by her absence, it’s not like I want to cut her off.
She’s my mom.
But honestly, this post doesn’t even really concern any of that. What annoys me is the way she treats my younger sister (22f).
My sister and I had traumatizing childhoods that included homelessness and being subjected to our parents’ addictions.
We responded to it very differently. I was parentified so my needs were minimized and I tried to make myself as compliant as possible to appease my mom and earn her love which I felt like I never had. My sister however was very vocal about her disdain for our environment and the treatment she received from our mother.
They were always fighting.
Long story short, they are not close now that my sister and I are both adults. My mom has always treated me like a therapist and often victimizes herself to me to trigger my rescuer complex. She always laments to me about my sister and how she feels “manipulated” and like she’s being made to be the bad guy.
I refuse to get involved anymore because I have been their mediator my whole life.
But at some point recently, I got fed up with it. I told her that I have the same mental health issues that my sister has and that I never asked for help because I saw how she treated my sister when she was vocal about her own neglected needs.
My mom started crying and told me she was sorry. She said she doesn’t know how to talk to my sister and that she feels heartbroken at their lack of contact. She said she has always felt guilty about the way we grew up but doesn’t know if it’s possible to make up for it.
I told her if she couldn’t even reach out to my sister to apologize, she would be a bad mother. I told her the fact that she’s felt bad about it and yet never acknowledged how her behavior affected us before now is disappointing.
She hung up the phone and we haven’t spoken since then. Now I feel bad for not allowing her to make things better.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you struggled so much growing up. It sounds like your mom’s been through a lot, too, but that doesn’t excuse mistreatment or neglect.
She needs to accept responsibility for her choices, and that means being accountable to you and your sister. As a mom, I know how hard it can be when your kids say, “You messed up, and it hurt me.” But it’s also very, very necessary if you want your kids to be happy, healthy, and whole and if you want a positive relationship with them as you both grow.
I wish you the best moving forward and hope your mom can take this time to reflect and make better choices.” Impossible_Zebra8664
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You DID give her that opportunity. You told her the truth, unvarnished. It’s her move now. Stop feeling sorry for your mother, she could have done numerous things to make this all better, even just a little better.
She is more concerned with continuing to present as the one who is hurt. Which is just crazy.” SubjectBuilder3793
13. AITJ For Scolding My Son For Using His Disability As An Excuse?
“My son (he’s 8) has cerebral palsy. One thing we taught him is never to look down on himself. While we recognize he has limitations, and we make accommodations for him, we make sure he knows he’s not defined by his disability and that his disability doesn’t make him lesser than anyone else.
As he grows older, we try to teach him to be more independent, as much as someone his age should be.
He is 8 years old now. He’s a smart kid and usually gets the highest grades in his class. He is liked by all his teachers and classmates and has more friends than I ever had.
I’m so proud of him. He is well-behaved both at home and at school.
But lately, he has started acting strange. I think it all started around 1.5 weeks ago. He started avoiding all his responsibilities. He used to make his bed with our help, but now he’s refusing to do so.
He stopped picking up his plates after dinner and started leaving his stuff around. I’m afraid he might also stop doing his homework because, for the last two nights, he didn’t want to do it.
Whenever I confront him, he straight up says, “I can’t, I’m disabled, I have Cerebral Palsy.” One time he even said, “I can’t, I’m stupid,” and laughed. I was shocked. I told him not to use that word.
I asked him if anyone told him that, and he said no. I told my wife, and we contacted his teachers, but he hasn’t told them anything either and he’s behaving well in school.
Last night, he didn’t pick up his plate after dinner again.
I sat him down and told him to pick up his plate, and he screamed at me. He then again said he couldn’t because he’s disabled and useless.
My wife immediately started to comfort him with “No, you are not.” I was frustrated with him acting out.
This time, I decided to be more direct and strict. I scolded him, saying that he was only useless if he acted like he was. Then I said, “Now stop using your disability as an excuse and pick up your plate.” His eyes teared up, and my wife took him to his room.
She thinks I’m a jerk for scolding him and raising my voice at him. I didn’t even notice I raised my voice, but that’s what she said. AITJ?
I should add that he has a rather mild case of Cerebral Palsy. He’s not wheelchair-bound, though he needs crutches.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He’s 8. He didn’t come up with all of that by himself. Who is telling him that he’s the R-word? Who is telling him that he can’t do anything because he has a disability? Instead of getting frustrated and telling him something he will hear from other people his whole life (that he’s “using his disability as an excuse”), you should track down where it’s even coming from.
It’s a new behavior. Has he started spending time with a grandparent? Does he have a new teacher or aide? Talked about a new friend at school? Started watching a new streamer?” CarCrashRhetoric
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I have cerebral palsy and grew up with a parent who refused to take I can’t do that because of my disability seriously.
His lack of care caused my disability to get worse and left me with lifelong pain. He’s 8 and coming to terms with the fact he’s never going to be like the other kids and it’s hard. Also, someone is feeding him this language and I wonder where he’s getting it from” Unicorn-Teatime.
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go against the grain here and say NTJ. Let me explain. My brother has cerebral palsy. But the bigger problem in his life ended up being failure to launch because no one ever felt they could hold him accountable.
Like your son, at one time, he was the smartest in his class, but very quickly he figured out the loophole that he could get away with a lot because of other people’s low expectations. You and your wife need to be a united front on this and continue to hold him to high standards.
That said, you should also find out why the sudden behavior changes (but, honestly, sometimes kids just get ideas). You don’t want your son to end up like my brother, 39, and living at home, when he really could have had a career and independence. All those people who let my brother off the hook again and again and again ultimately had neither responsibility for his wellbeing nor respect for his fundamental dignity.” econ historyrules
12. AITJ For Not Trusting My Father's Friend's Job Offer?
“This man has been a friend of my father’s for a long time, and his wife runs a well-known skin and wellness clinic in our city. Their children have settled abroad and aren’t interested in joining the business, even though it’s doing well.
I’ve been out of work for a while, and it seems like, in passing, he might have suggested to my father that I join them.
Although I’m not being pressured, I find the repeated attempts a bit strange.
Essentially, they want me to work with his wife, but they’ve never clarified what my role would be. It feels like the end goal is for my father to eventually invest in their business and help open a new location in the city.
I’ve always been skeptical because, a long time ago, this man betrayed my father. Even though they’ve patched things up, I can’t shake the feeling that this is his way of trying to earn a favor by ‘employing’ me.
You might wonder why he would want a favor from my father.
Well, my father is known to be honest and trustworthy, and they seem to expect some kind of future investment from him.
He’s very persistent, saying things like, ‘Send her to our office; she’ll learn, and we’ll be glad to have someone we trust.’ But he never gets specific about what the job would entail or what the pay would be, which makes it all feel like walking into a dark cave.
I’ve had a heated argument with my parents over this because, despite this man calling me or my father about 20 times, I’ve never met him. My father says I should just go hear him out and then decline if I’m not interested, and he’s never pressured me to do it.
But I don’t even want to engage at that level.
Am I overthinking this? Maybe it sounds innocent to some, but given this man’s history, I can’t help but feel like he wants to have control over someone he knows and use it to his advantage.
A bit of background: I recently returned to my home country after completing a master’s degree in the UK. I wanted to stay with my parents since they’re both nearing their 70s, and there’s no one reliable enough to take care of them in my absence, even temporarily.
We’ve known this family for over 25 years, though there was a fallout about 10 years ago. He’s mentioned wanting me to get involved in marketing, but that’s about all he’s said.”
Another User Comments:
“This vulture is after your father’s money. It’s likely their business is failing, and they need a sucker to prop it up.
Trust your gut, and avoid this situation like the plague. ANYONE who offers someone they don’t know a job, and says they trust a stranger blindly is running a Con, 100%. There’s a reason why their kids are in another country and want nothing to do with their business.
Tell your parents you don’t trust him. Stand up for yourself, and protect your father. NO honest business hires this way. Edit to add: The only jerk here is some strange dude insisting you join a company with people you’ve never met or shown an interest in.
This doesn’t pass the smell test.” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is suspicious that after asking you to come to the office 20 times, they still haven’t given you more info. And it’s sketchy that they allude to your father investing in the business in the future.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Decline before even going. Something is very sketchy. Even if you were employed by them, I feel like they’ll pressure you to stay even if you just want to go to another job. Especially the fact they won’t give you specifics like what you would be doing or the pay would be a hard no from me.” Shakeit126
11. AITJ For Planning To Spend More On My Son's Christmas Gift Than My Daughter's?
“Yes I know it’s September, I’m one of those people who loves Christmas so start planning early. I have two kids, a twin boy and a girl both 16. They’re really close, happy kids, both have part-time jobs, friends and hobbies etc. My daughter however is very very involved in dance and theatre.
She has 5 dance lessons a week, ballet, tap, and street, and also takes acting and singing lessons. When she does shows we pay for her costumes and equipment too and obviously petrol back and forth to and from these classes. She’s not spoiled, she’s very grateful for them all and works hard and while we as parents need to make sacrifices to pay for these we are happy to.
My son however is much more of a homebody. He has a good group of friends, but they will hang out at each other’s houses and play board games, go to the gym for workout sessions, or play pc games online together, as a result, we realistically spend around £1500 a year on our daughter we don’t spend on our son.
We’ve spoken to him before about this and asked if he wants xyz to fill the gap but he’s not bothered about brand names or anything and besides putting half into a savings account for school he barely even spends his wages, he knows if he wants/needs something we’ll get it for him, but he just doesn’t want anything.
So Christmas. We usually spend the same on each child to make it fair, this year however we were planning to buy our son a new part for his pc which means we’d be spending a few hundred more on him than on our daughter.
I know my daughter wouldn’t be bothered about this, she knows she’s lucky to get what she gets and will still get gifts. However, when I mentioned this idea in front of my friend she was horrified. She said it was unfair, my daughter would feel unloved and that my son was the favorite and if I spent more on him I should spend more on her, but to me that defeats the point plus, to be honest, I couldn’t afford that nor does my daughter want that much so I’d be buying things for the sake of it.
I could just buy him the pc part and give it to him as an everyday gift but I was looking forward to seeing his face Christmas morning.
I don’t think it is that big a deal, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your friend isn’t privy to all the aspects of your relationship with your kids.
Besides, it also sounds to me that if one or the other of your kids had a reason to be upset at “spending more on them than me”, you’d come to some sort of arrangement that benefited everyone.” Nevermore_Novelist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my parents kept things roughly even between my brother and me, but “roughly even” meant we each got one large/special thing and a similar number of smaller things–we never knew or cared whether that meant the dollar amounts were even.
A small thing for one might be $80 and for the other might be $40 (clothes are a good example where the cost can vary wildly, or video games). It’s more about the energy and thought you put into it than the money you spend.” Salty-Initiative-242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We have two children with what sounds like a similar dynamic. We always try to even it up throughout the year, but sometimes the one who does fewer outside activities will spend more on them at Christmas or birthday for things like art supplies to make up the difference.
Mine are younger than yours, and the one who does all the activities knows and understands that this is how we keep the amount spent on them roughly similar.” No-Cranberry4396
10. AITJ For Wanting To Involve The Law To Get My Dog Back From My Ex's Widow?
“My mom got 3 German shepherds when I was married to my ex. We had him together for about 3-4 years before we got divorced. All his medical vet records are in my name.
After I divorced him, I moved to Montana for a year, so he kept the dog. My ex and I lived on the street across from my parents’ house. After the divorce, he stayed living there. Anyway, the entire time I was in Montana, he kept running away to my parents.
My ex-husband always had him chained up and hated that he would run away to my parents. My parents would play and spoil him. And he would angrily go pick him up. My ex-husband gets remarried. I come back from Montana and the same issue keeps happening.
My parents’ GS died in March of this year, and that was also when my ex decided I was not going to keep fighting, I was just going to deal with him running away anymore.
So since March, he has been living with my parents.
He never went back and told people he gave him away. His new wife never went back and got him. Fast forward to August of this year, my ex-husband dies. Fast forward to this last Sunday, my GS is missing. My dad is having a hard time, so down and depressed because he thinks something bad has happened. I know there’s no way he could be dead.
He’s a good dog. Stays at home. Protects the home. Waits for my dad to come home and play with him. Doesn’t like strangers. So I’m like there’s no way he just disappeared from my parents’ house. I finally asked my ex-husband’s wife if she had seen him.
And she tells me no. Well, then I get off work. I go look around the neighborhood and he’s nowhere to be found. The widow has moved out from the same neighborhood back to her family’s. I go to that neighborhood and look. She sees my car go by because she’s outside.
Then she messages me saying he’s home with her and she’s going to keep him. Mind you she has two dogs back at my ex’s place that she goes back to only feed every day but decided to take the GS to her family’s place.
I’m about to send her a message saying I will get the law involved if I have to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ get your dog back I’d be full John Wick if someone tried to steal my German shepherd from me, they’re a very anxious breed and a lot to handle, not anyone can have them” Goodcanadiangirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t threaten her, that gives her time to prepare. Take your proof of ownership to the police and get your dog back. Then put up cameras to make sure she doesn’t try this again.” Tannim44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but asking isn’t going to cut it.
The part that gets me is that she has two other dogs that she’s leaving at the old place, completely ignoring them except to feed them, so she can keep your dog from you at her family’s place. If the dog is chipped and you have the medical records, then that’s your dog and she’s stolen him.
Do it right and call the police. Otherwise, good luck proving anything.” 1962Michael
9. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel Our Family Christmas Trip Due To Hotel Room Issue?
“I (F40s) have been married to Jake (M40s- fake name) for over 10 years. We have 3 kids under the age of 8. We are supposed to visit my mother-in-law (MIL) for Christmas.
We’ve been talking about this trip since last spring and I’ve said a couple of times that I want 2 separate hotel rooms due to Jake’s snoring. We haven’t slept in the same bed for over 5 years. For a while, as long as he didn’t drink or smoke and wasn’t sick, Jake wouldn’t snore but he generally wasn’t willing to stick to that for more than a day or two at a time.
He’s slowly gained more and more weight, so now he snores no matter what, but drinking/smoking makes it go from loud to deafening. Well… Jake didn’t book 2 hotel rooms. Instead, Jake booked a suite with 2 bedrooms, but there are no doors (it’s a nice but quirky hotel we’ve stayed at before.) Jake has a habit of forgetting/delaying things like this and then, at the last moment, he twists himself into knots trying to make everyone happy.
In reality, making no one happy but everyone feels bad for him because he tried too hard so we all just go along with him. Jake’s current solution is he and 1-3 of the kids would stay with his mother and I could stay in the suite, or they would go without me.
Neither of these is acceptable to me. I want to be with my family for Christmas, and I don’t see the point in going on vacation but not being together. Jake is upset at me because he and his mother had talked about booking the suite instead of the 2 rooms while I was in the room, but I wasn’t paying attention because I wasn’t involved in the conversation.
There are also a couple of other issues which are making me less than enthusiastic about this whole trip. We’d either have to take a connecting flight or spend about $2000 per ticket (our kids are new travelers so the airport will either be fine or a total disaster), and my MIL has been causing some issues in our marriage (basically Jake and MIL will talk about and plan out things involving our kids or our home, and then not tell me about them until the last minute so I either need to agree or I’m controlling and overly sensitive.)
I wonder if I WIBTJ for canceling everything because we’ve already talked to the kids about the trip and they’re excited, Jake is excited to show the kids the place he spent so much time and loved, and we haven’t gone to visit MIL since I first was pregnant.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Jake messed up for sure, but he’s offering a lot of ways to make it work and you’re saying that you must call the entire thing off with not even a little bit of compromise. Think about what compromise you can make and offer it.
Can you just fly MIL to visit you this year, and try again next year? It would just delay the anticipated vacation but still get a visit with MIL. The kids will be a year older next year which will make flying easier, and it might make Jake realize that he can’t always get bailed out when he goes off-plan.” jeans
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but I think you buried the lede. Jake and his mother decided to book this hotel suite without speaking directly to you. I was unsurprised to learn that there have been other times that your husband has made his mother the decision-maker on occasions when the choice should have been made between Jake and you.
Still, you do not seem to be thinking of ending this marriage and you are going to an extreme. And yes, I did appreciate the fact that Jake has a habit of backing you into a corner with his poor planning/manipulation. It is September.
If the boutique hotel does not have separate rooms available (and confirm directly please) then surely there is another hotel where you can get two rooms. Make that the compromise – but also have a very serious talk about respect and decision-making with him!” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Just admit you don’t want to go under any circumstances. It feels like you are finding any hill to die on here because that’s the fact. He’s offered a solution to his screw-up, but you can’t be satisfied. You’d probably roll with the punches if it were your family.” dfwagent84
8. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Roommate's Dog?
“To preface, I’m not a jerk and I do love animals. If she (the pup) ever whines or asks for food/water/potty and I’m home alone, I’ll take care of her. She’s just a dog, my issues aren’t with her and I do love her.
I’d never let her suffer just because I don’t like pets.
So my roommate (f27) got her dog a few years ago. We hadn’t really discussed it outside of me saying I (26f) didn’t want the responsibility of caring for something (I’m not great at caring for myself, I don’t think it would be fair on an animal if I failed to care for it).
When she came home with the dog I was kind of upset but like it was too late.
So I explicitly stated I would not take any responsibility. No walking, feeding, nothing (again, unless it’s urgent I’ll of course step in). She fully agreed and that was fine but sometimes she will go to her parents with the intent to return the same day and leave the dog at the apartment.
The dog is very chill and just sleeps or hangs with me in the living room most of the time so it’s whatever but she texts at 10 pm having left at 11 am asking for me to feed and walk her and that she’s staying the night and I said no. I told her she left her dog (if she knows she’s spending the night, she brings the dog) and she needs to come home because I refuse to feed and walk her (I actually fed her and walked her at 8 already but that’s beside the point).
She’s mad that she has to drive the 2 hours home in the middle of the night because I won’t help but I set that boundary forever ago and I won’t back down on it. If she had asked before leaving then maybe I would have agreed but forcing it on me when there’s no other option?
What am I gonna do? Let her starve? Pee in the house(gross)? Our mutual friend thinks I’m the jerk here because I should help her out and maybe I should but idk I don’t think I am the jerk for stating I’m not responsible for her pet.
Additional: I guess I also am just starting to feel bad because I know how much work having a dog is (hence why I know I shouldn’t have one) so I feel almost like I SHOULD be helping her out because it takes a lot but I seriously don’t want to”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made your stance clear from the outset. Arranging care for her pet is her responsibility and just assuming you’ll do it because “reasons” make her the jerk.” Brother-Cane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wanted to ask you if you could take care of her dog this one (very infrequent) time, she could have contacted you a lot earlier.
No responsible dog owner leaves at 11 am and doesn’t think of their dog’s needs for ELEVEN HOURS, and then only to try to be gone another 12 hours or so.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your circus, not your doggy. Your roommate should always be taking the dog when she goes out since her plans can change last minute.
She knew the rule before she ever brought the dog home. You and her might ultimately need to go your separate ways if she’s prone to being inconsiderate like this and taking advantage of you.” Global_Look2821
7. AITJ For Wanting To Help My Hoarder Ex-Partner?
“Many years ago I was seeing a guy.
Things ended, not terribly, but we fell out of touch. After about 10 years we recently reconnected over social media and decided to catch up in person (again, as friends). Now when we were together, he lived in a large home with a lot of collections spread around.
Nothing too overbearing, it was fun pop culture stuff, I even contributed a few items. He is currently in a nice (in theory) apartment. It’s not huge but it’s fine for one person. I walked in and was shocked. It was everything that you see on hoarder shows.
He had to walk on paths through items, squeeze through halls, there were leaning stacks of magazines, etc. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t dirty, but not a good situation. At some point, I realized that this was not a studio apartment as I initially thought, but it was a one-bedroom with so much stuff in there that he was sleeping in the living room because he couldn’t get into the bedroom.
I was shocked when I realized this and he laughed and said yeah. Like it was cool, he just has a lot of stuff.
This used to be a social guy who would have friends over but now he can’t because there is no place to sit.
An old friend of his that we used to socialize with passed by with his wife to say hello, and he had them standing on the sidewalk for the entire visit of like 40 minutes. I should add he also has 2 storage units. Like full room rental storage, not a little cage in the basement.
His car is an extension of the house with the amount of items in it.
This was a week ago and I can’t get the situation out of my mind. I know technically it is none of my business but this is a good guy and I care about his well-being.
How do I go about this? Do I have a hard conversation with him, knowing that he trusted me to come into his place even though I am no longer a person in his life? Do I reach out to his family? Say nothing? I need some advice and I can’t ask the people around me because they remember him, and I have no desire to embarrass him or rob him of his privacy.”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk if you minded your business. You are a good person for caring, and maybe want to ask around for resources that would be open for him, without mentioning him. If there is anything, you can mention it to him.
But understand that hoarding is a mental illness that is tough to treat and deal with. Don’t expect him to accept help. Don’t report him, he’ll end up homeless and living in a storage unit or on the street.” Universal_mammal
6. AITJ For Not Attending My Father's Second Wedding?
“My father is getting married to his partner in 3 weeks and I have informed him I’m not attending.
He is now trying to shame me and make me feel bad for not going.
After divorcing my mother 10 years ago, while my siblings and I were teenagers, he moved out of the house to live a bachelor’s life and travel/party. He left my mother because he was not happy coming home to her for years and never told her he was unhappy.
My younger sibling and I were left at home with our mother as he pretty much became hands-off, causing a lot of resentment from her as well as my older sibling.
He met his new partner about 3-4 years after the split when she caught him walking out of a bar and asked him for directions.
She is a divorced single mother, with children slightly younger than my siblings and me, who divorced her husband because he was apparently “low effort” and “lazy”(my father informs me). He likes her because he can go to dinners and parties and travel with her, and she makes good money(which my mother didn’t because she was a full-time stay-at-home mom).
For years he was saying he would never get married again up until about 2 years ago. He has broken up with this woman on several occasions but they’ve gotten back together each time. The last time they broke up was last summer when she was pestering him about marriage and he didn’t want to.
They fought about it until he finally agreed and then he proposed to her last fall during a trip to Italy. I genuinely don’t feel love or any meaningful connection between these two as all they do together is have superficial conversations and drink together.
My father has planned a big wedding spectacle with anyone he knows attending and all her friends (he boasts how she has a lot of friends).
The whole situation has just perturbed me and the longer I’ve gotten to know this woman the less I like about her.
My father knows all of this and my reasonings but says he can “do whatever he wants” and “no one can tell him what to do”. I just don’t think these two make each other happy and they both pursue pleasure to fill this sadness, now they just do it together.
I worry after several years of marriage they will just end in divorce. I do not support this marriage so I’m not going, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s right, he can “do whatever he wants” which includes re-marrying. So can you, including not going to a wedding that you don’t support?
I will say that this will probably upset his new wife and you probably won’t have a good relationship with her moving forward, but it doesn’t sound like that is a big concern.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately, your opinion about your dad’s marriage plans makes no difference and he doesn’t care.
You don’t have to support him, but you do need to keep your thoughts about the success of the marriage to yourself. He is right, he is an adult and can do whatever he wants, although that attitude is usually found in a 20-something, not a grown adult.
Perhaps try: Dad, I understand you are excited about getting married and I wish you well. I cannot, however, support this wedding and will not be attending.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, from what you describe in this post, sounds like your dad is the real jerk and treated your mum pretty badly in the past. It seems like your dad didn’t consider carefully getting married for the second time, so if you don’t like his soon-to-be wife, don’t go.
You owe him nothing.” Kandee_the_geek
5. AITJ For Refusing To Clean My Sister's Apartment And Considering Telling Our Dad?
“My sister (F39) has asked me (F37) multiple times to come to help her clean her two-bedroom apt. I’ve done it often and I’ve been fed up with it because the agreement is that she would help me afterward but always finds an excuse for why she can’t.
So now I refuse to help her clean her place.
Today, she called me to tell me that she was paying someone to clean her place but told them that it was my place. Then she called me saying that she’ll be “getting in touch” with me throughout the day asking questions if we keep or throw it out.
And then the person walked in and then she started saying things like: this is disgusting, I never want to see your place like that anymore, etc. And she called again and said that she’s paying the person 1000$ for a two-day job… but she complains she doesn’t have money.
And then started to say more things like: I’m never paying someone for that ever again, you have to keep the place clean, etc.
Like what? She’s nuts! Not want to take the blame…nothing new but still. I have helped her multiple times at her place (2 bedroom apartment) and she helped me once (I have a 3 bedroom townhouse with a basement).
I find it ridiculous she can’t even admit to the person that it’s her place. About 2 weeks ago, she asked me when we would be cleaning, but I never responded. Because I’m fed up with it always being about her.
I talked to my dad yesterday about her asking about me helping clean and he told me that next time she brings it up, to tell her that she needs to help me with my place first, and then I could maybe help her.
The reason why I say maybe, it’s because every time I go to her place, it’s like a pig pen. It’s disgusting. She has 50/50 custody of her daughter so it’s not like she doesn’t have time. I know my sister and she gives excuses like my 17-year-old son does when he doesn’t want to do something or take the blame for something.
A bit of back story, she has always been a drama queen in our family. She would always make it about her and her daughter, she would play the victim and such, not wanting to take the blame. Even my parents are fed up with the way she acts.
If I decide to tell my dad, would that make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, I guess. Why are you tattling to Daddy? Why do you care about your sister’s apartment? Why are you cleaning it up with her? Why would you expect her to help you?
Just clean your place and not worry about anything else.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. That’s not for you to tell. If you’re refusing to continue to clean your sister’s place and just tell her no that’s your final answer. I’m guessing maybe when you say, she complains about not having money that she asked your father for money…” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, but not sure why you think your dad would care. Paying someone to clean her house because she spent weeks/months messing it up without cleaning it herself is a logical consequence.” SweeperOfChimneys
4. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister Chose My Preferred Baby Name?
“Before I start, I understand you can’t claim ownership of a name, and it’s only a minor issue – I just wanted to get opinions.
Long story short, my sister is 8 months pregnant. For the last several years, my fiance and I were open about wanting to use the name “Julian” to call them “Jules” for short when we eventually had a kid, which we plan to do in the next year or so.
We had mentioned this, and the desire to use “Jules” for short to my sister and her husband several times in conversations over the last few years, and even (jokingly, but seriously) mentioned that name was off limits and we had dibs. They said multiple times that understood and had dozens of other names in mind for their unborn, which they told us about.
As silly as it sounds, I don’t ask much of my family, this was just always a name I loved and wanted for my son, and they knew that. It was one of the only times I can think of that I had said I’d appreciate they accepted my request.
Today, as she grows closer to birth, she says “Oh, I know you want Julian, but we’ve settled on Jules for our child”. She tried to say that they were different names so didn’t see the issue. I was a bit taken aback, like I said, of course, I don’t have ownership of the name, nor even have a child to name it (yet) but had specifically said and asked that they leave me with this name, and they had agreed they wouldn’t consider it.
AITJ for being disappointed and a bit hurt by this? The name holds no significance to them other than liking the sound of it. I find it inconsiderate that despite the dozen or more names they had shortlisted, they disregarded them all, and instead took essentially the exact name I had asked them not to use.
I know it’s only a small issue, but I feel like they almost went out of their way to disregard my small request because it worked out better for them. Obviously, it’s only a name, not the end of the world, but that she would knowingly disregard one of the only things I’d semi-put my foot down on and just decide to do what she wanted instead sort of hurt a bit.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“Hey I know it sucks but why do people share their baby’s name before the baby is born or even exists? Things like this will happen. You can choose to either give the baby the same name (because that does happen) or choose a different name and in the future never share your baby’s name with anyone again.
Also, assuming you’re not pregnant, who says you will have a son in the future? You might only get girls.” flowergirl139
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you meant to write Jules for the name the others decided on and if you told them one name to not choose, well before they were thinking of it, and they choose it anyways, they are the jerk for sure.
If I were you, I’d ask them to reconsider unless you’re cool with your kids having matching names” Time-Respond-3376.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t reserve a name. You may never even have a son. And even if you do have a son, it’s entirely possible that by then your name preference would’ve changed. In the future, keep your name ideas to yourself.
Also – just as you can’t reserve a name, your sister can’t own a name. So if you’re that wedded to Julian, go right ahead and call your kid Julian. My daughter is Olive. My brother’s son is Oliver. They both get called Oli. No one cares.” imitationslimshady
3. AITJ For Reminding My Aunt Her Husband Left Her For A Younger Woman?
“I (18f) and my brother (17m) have an aunt (50s) “Ruby” well known in my family for being troublesome.
My brother, Jay, had a partner of 2 years who has recently broken up with him. I don’t know why and didn’t ask since it’s not really my business. I have supported him post-breakup and provided support and advice and everything in between. My parents and I have all seen how sad this breakup made him and we have all supported him.
A week ago we found out this girl is now seeing a boy two years older than her.
My aunt’s ex-husband divorced her a year ago because of personal issues. He happened to start seeing a younger woman (20s) who he met after they divorced. Contrary to what you may be thinking right now, he did not divorce her just because of this woman, he divorced her because she was being a jerk to him and he happened to find someone else after.
We were having dinner together and Aunt Ruby asked my brother Jay how his partner was. Jay awkwardly said they broke up and she’s seeing an older guy. Aunt started laughing hysterically. She started going on a rant about how she knew that girl was too good for him.
My poor brother was just awkwardly sitting there and no one even tried to defend him. I was trying to tell her to stop. Then Aunt said “No wonder she wanted to break up with you because older guys love young girls” I snorted. I said that’s so true.
(I don’t think it’s 100% true, I was being sarcastic but I said it to support what I would say next)
I said her husband did leave her for a younger girl so that IS true. I told her she shouldn’t be talking. My aunt got so embarrassed and stayed silent for the whole dinner.
My brother laughed and my parents didn’t say a word. Which is weird since I expected them to reprimand me. Looking back on it I honestly think they agreed with me lol.
I didn’t yell or scream or anything like that. I said this comment in the most normal, maybe sarcastic, voice.
But I’m regretting it because I feel rude.
Am I the jerk here?
Wow, this is blowing up lol. Since it’s getting attention, I wanted to address a few things.
1. No, I don’t know for sure whether my uncle was seeing younger women behind my aunt’s back before the divorce.
I don’t think it matters. Actually, if it really was true then it would make Aunt’s point even stronger because “older guys love young girls” right, Auntie?
2. While I personally don’t think it is true all the time, it was more of a move to point out how Aunt’s statement described her own situation.
3. My parents have not brought up the incident yet. I think they were both secretly waiting for someone to call her out but too scared to do it themselves. Especially my mom (her sister) who grew up alongside golden child Ruby. I’m not going to get into the whole thing here but that was the dynamic summed in one sentence.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an aunt of young kids, I can’t imagine ever making fun of them for anything – let alone heartbreak. Your aunt should’ve been called out a long time ago and now that you are grown she will be.
Good for you, I’m sure your brother appreciated it.” Butch-Cass-Sundance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt was laughing at what happened to your brother. Good on you for telling her to stop and then giving her a taste of her own medicine. Your parents should have stepped up, but you did.
I hope that in the future you both can avoid any more dinners with this nasty woman.” Frogsaysso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It would have been rude if it weren’t the response to your aunt’s behavior. She was delighting in hurting your brother and wouldn’t stop.
You just used her words/thoughts against her. If she didn’t like what she heard, she has only herself to blame. Yes, I suspect your parents were silently cheering you (but probably won’t admit it).” swillshop
2. AITJ For Discussing My Miami Trip In Front Of Less Privileged Classmates?
“I really need an outside perspective because something happened the other day, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. For context, I (21F) go to one of the top universities in Bogotá. Some people call it a “rich kid” school, and while it’s expensive, I wouldn’t say that’s completely accurate.
Anyway, my friends and I are pretty tight-knit, and we talk about everything: our plans, vacations, the usual. We’ve got this tradition where we go to Miami every year during a long weekend. It’s nothing crazy; just some shopping, partying, and relaxing. So the other day in class, we were chatting about the trip, deciding where we might want to stay, where to shop, and stuff like that.
We weren’t even being loud or obnoxious about it.
Out of nowhere, this girl in class, who I don’t even know that well, just loses it on us. She stands up and starts going off about how we’re “dumb little rich girls” always bragging about our lifestyle and how we don’t care about real issues.
She then starts rattling off stats about poverty in Colombia, and inequality and accuses us of spending money that could feed entire families. To top it off, she randomly complained about how we mix English and Spanish when we talk, which felt completely irrelevant.
The whole class was just stunned. Even the professor didn’t know what to say.
My friends and I didn’t respond because, honestly, what do you even say to something like that? She was practically yelling at us before storming out of the room.
Now here’s where I’m confused: after this whole thing, a bunch of people in class started acting weird toward us.
Some even called us “insensitive” and accused us of flaunting our privilege, which is bizarre because none of them ever said anything before. I later found out that the girl is on financial aid and comes from a tough background, and yeah, that sucks, but is it our fault?
I swear I wasn’t trying to brag. We were just talking about our vacation plans like anyone else would.
Look, it’s not like we don’t care about issues in Colombia. Of course, we do. But is it so wrong to have a conversation about a trip without turning it into some political debate?
I’m really struggling to understand if we did something wrong by just talking about our trip, or if she was completely out of line for turning it into something else. Would love your thoughts.”
Another User Comments:
“Take a deep breath. You’re not the jerk in this situation.
You and your friends have a travel tradition. You’re continuing it this year. Maybe you’re very wealthy — I don’t know, and it’s none of my business. But wealthy or not, you don’t have to devote 100% of your life to a vow of poverty and public service.
Don’t get me wrong: it would be fantastically generous and laudable if you did that. But that’s just not the reality of the overwhelming majority of people, regardless of their financial status. You’re planning a vacation. You talked about it with the other people going with you.
You don’t need to bear a cross for the entire world. NTJ” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“I understand being on the less privileged side and hearing people around you planning expensive trips etc. This is something most people will have to go through most of their lives.
It’s a jealousy thing which is normal IMO. She shouldn’t have exploded on you like that though. That was wrong but I think she was feeling the pressure of poverty and got angry without your knowledge. You are NTJ though. You didn’t do anything wrong and you wouldn’t feel bad for having the privilege to do these trips.” CupcakeMurder86
1. AITJ For Calling My Ex Ignorant Because My Son Doesn't Want To Play Football?
“I (35) female, have 2 boys, 11 and 9yo, with my ex (37) Male.
My 11yo, GG just started 6th grade middle school. He chose to be in a band to play the trumpet and pre-athletics to play basketball and soccer in 7th/8th grade. For context, my ex and I split up 8 years ago. The kids live with me and only go stay with my ex every other weekend.
My ex lives with his siblings (all men). Everyone who knows my ex knows he has very misogynistic views. My son GG has been in sports since he was young and has always favored soccer and also loves music. He’s always been described by his teachers as a very charismatic and confident student.
This morning my ex, we’ll call him Tony, messaged me saying he was not having a good day.
When I asked why he said it was because he doesn’t like that GG doesn’t want to play middle school football and compared him to other boys around him and said GG is not on the same level as other boys because he doesn’t want to play football and every time he tries to “toughen” GG up, he walks away.
(I’ve taught my boys that when someone is disrespecting them they should walk away even if it’s an adult. I also don’t condone violence but they know that it’s ok to defend themselves) Then he followed it with “It’s because they’re around you too much”.
My ex was also mad that GG chose trumpet over percussion. My ex did not play sports and dropped out of high school sophomore year.
This isn’t the first time that I get messages like this so I was pretty annoyed after he sent me this message again.
I replied “GG is a normal kid. He likes music and sports and the fact that you’re upset because he doesn’t want to do football annoys me. He wants to play soccer and basketball. Just because he doesn’t want to do football doesn’t make him less of a boy and the fact that you think so, shows your ignorance.” He replied, “You’re a girl so of course you don’t see anything wrong with it smh.” My ex thinks that the epitome of manhood is playing football.
I think that it’s better to let him make his own choices so he doesn’t lose interest. My son is happy with his choices and is very excited to be playing trumpet and basketball. I reached out to my best friend and my parents and they all seem to agree with me but he still thinks I’m wrong.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re supporting your son in pursuing his interests and standing up for himself, which is exactly what a good parent should do. Football isn’t the measure of manhood or character. Encouraging your son to follow his passions, whether it’s music or basketball, is key to his development as a confident and happy individual. Your ex’s outdated views on masculinity don’t get to dictate how your son should live his life or what he enjoys.
Keep cheering for your son’s choices; it sounds like he’s thriving with your support.” sophie_alive01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your husband need a reality check re: men in sports! Shaq O’Neil would be amused at what he thinks of basketball vs football.
Miles Davis might dispute his trumpet player vs. drummer ideas. In other words, his dad is ignorant AF! Has he ever ventured beyond his backyard?” Ok_Conversation9750
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