People Want Everyone On Their Side In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Insisting On A Lifejacket And Car Seat For My Toddler?
“I am having an ongoing heated discussion with my fiance about our son wearing a lifejacket on our boat.
To give it some context, he is less than 2 years old and cannot swim.
Recently in the midst of one of these arguments, she told me “I am so embarrassed” as I was putting the jacket on. The part of the world we are in has a pretty lax attitude to these things and her mum often declares that she did it that way for years and nothing ever went wrong.
A 15-year-old boy fell into the water in the harbor we use and sadly drowned this summer.
We also have the same issue when it comes to strapping him into a child seat.
I don’t know if I am being a jerk here by requesting this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your child can’t swim, I see no logical argument why he shouldn’t wear a life jacket. About the car seat thing, get her to watch the crash tests where baby crash test dummies aren’t strapped down. That should stop the arguments unless she is an idiot in the original definition of the word.
A word of warning, the memory of those videos still causes me to have an anxiety response years after I saw them. Additionally, I always have used any safety belts or straps available. The only reason I saw them was because they were running as an ad campaign when I was a teenager.” Saffron-Kitty
Another User Comments:
“Are you in some kind of third-world country or something? It is standard procedure to put a life jacket on the kids in a boat. I’m a boomer and even when I was a child it was totally normal for kids to wear one back in the late 1960s and through the 1970s.
I remember them well, they were orange and had a cloth canvas covering. What’s she going to say if the kid drowns? Something like yeah sorry that your kid is dead as a doornail now, but seriously usually they don’t die, so how was I supposed to know?
Honest mistake but thanks for not embarrassing me with that stupid-looking life jacket though. By the way, the same things apply to the car seat. You are not the jerk but she sure as heck is. You should look up the mortality rate for kids where you are and compare them to the USA and the EU.
Not only should he have a life jacket on but you should also keep one close by where you can get to it quickly and easily.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I teach children to swim for a living and am a certified lifeguard. Please, please, PLEASE put a lifejacket on your child until they are able to: 1) float on their back unassisted (including rolling over from front to back 2) kick consistently 3) lift their face out of the water while on their stomach 4) lift themselves out of the pool or onto the boat.
So many people underestimate the dangers of drowning – it’s almost always silent because being able to splash and scream requires staying on top of the water. It happens in an instant, both to poor swimmers due to lack of strength and skills, and to extremely competent ones, due to medical emergencies.
Under no circumstance should a child ever be in open water without a lifejacket! As an aside, quite frankly no person, regardless of age or skill, should be in open water without a lifejacket. Treading water is one of the most exhausting activities you can do while swimming, and after an hour even the most aquatic of competitors will be struggling, even disregarding any current one might find themselves in.
A lifejacket is the difference between “we lost sight of Jimmy but he’s okay, he just floated around the back of the boat” and “we lost sight of Jimmy, tragic story on the six-o-clock news.” Please, ask your SO to talk to a lifeguard about the need for a jacket.
It’s not for babies, it’s not for poor swimmers, it’s for anyone who doesn’t feel like flipping a coin on whether or not they make it back to shore when something goes wrong.” Clamantes-Daemonium
21. AITJ For Refusing My Son's Offer To Pay For My Dental Treatment?
“I’m a single dad to a 17yo and 9yo boys.
Things are very tight yet my kids have what they need and I believe we do a good job hiding how broke we are. As embarrassing and shameful as it is, I can’t afford to get a crown on a tooth that broke when I was eating steak of all things.
Even with insurance, it’s like $900. So I’m going without it and slowly saving up but it hurts.
My 17yo got a job as a pool lifeguard. He actually makes $21 an hour and works 30 hours a week and loves it. He wants to work even after the summer.
Today he asked how much it would cost to fix my tooth. I said $900 and I have $300. He said he would help pay for the rest. I said you do help by using your own money instead of asking me. He said he has money from his last few birthdays and holidays and side gigs.
I said I appreciate it but you keep your money. He said he has more than enough and can pick up more hours if he wanted. I said no. He said then at least “borrow” it so technically I’m not taking it.
I know he’s angry VERY angry at me but he doesn’t understand how much it helps to have him make his own money.
That’s how I’m saving up. I’ll get it fixed next paycheck. I want him to enjoy his paycheck and not feel like he has to spend it on everyone else.”
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as the eldest child who watched a parent struggle, take the darn money.
I commend you for doing your best and trying to keep your son in the place of a child, but you are causing more harm than you may realize. As the eldest we see and feel everything and when we offer help and it’s rejected it negatively impacts us.
Your son didn’t take his money and go run to buy the nearest gadget, he brought to you to help. He had his own money for the first time in his young adult life and one of his first thoughts was to help you because you’re in pain and it hurts him to see you hurt.
He is stressed and you taking that money and letting him contribute would alleviate some of that stress. You aren’t stealing from your kid, he offered a helping hand and you smacked it away. You rejected him. For me, my parent rejecting my help once I got a job just compounded my stress because I took on their stress.
It was only when I was an adult that I could verbalize how their pride made me feel helpless. You’re a good dad..but you can be an even better one by taking the help you’re offered. No jerks here…for now.” Nomegusta111
Another User Comments:
“Your son is showing maturity and compassion. He knows how much you have done for him over the course of his life and is probably overjoyed at the idea of being able to do something back for you. No, you don’t have to take the money.
And you are NTJ if you choose not to. But would it be so bad if you did? It would give him a sense of satisfaction and pride. Is it such a terrible lesson for him to learn to help family in need instead of wasting his money on frivolous things?
You have done well in providing for him all his life. If this is something he chooses to do with his money, I don’t see the harm in it. It is not as though you asked him or pressured him to give you the money.
The sense of accomplishment it would give him to be able to do this would be his reward. I think you should rethink this and give it some serious consideration.” TeachingClassic5869
Another User Comments:
“This makes me sad. You let your pride keep you from allowing your son to do something kind and selfless for his father.
It would have made me so proud to know I raised a son who was so compassionate and generous but you took that feeling away from him because you had to maintain your facade of a man. And he’s not giving his money to “everyone”.
He was offering to help his family. Please apologize to your son and show him that you can still be a man even if you need help. It shows humility to accept his gift. He’s still learning who he is. Show him that a real man knows when to take help graciously and let him loan you his money if you can’t accept an outright gift. He sounds like an amazing young man.
Make sure he knows you see that, too. Gentle YTJ because I think you mean well. This is just my personal perspective.” forgetregret1day
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friends All Of The Time?
“I am a girl, Amber (16), and I am currently living in Canada. I come from a very good family that, despite not showing it so often, we have a very good economic position.
I didn’t want to go to private school, and my parents didn’t want me to go either.
I want to be a normal girl like everyone else and live the life of an ordinary student.
Anyway, my friends don’t have the same economic level as me, and I avoid talking about my money for any kind of problem that may arise.
They, instead of avoiding it, talk and brag to other people about “having a rich friend”, and I hate that.
They make me feel pressured to pay them for things, and they give me that look that literally screams “you’re going to pay for it, right?” I started to feel used and that they only wanted me around for my money, so I stopped carrying so much cash to school or when we went out together.
They immediately began to look at me crookedly and tell me that “a good friend who has more than us, would pay us if we asked her.” It seems totally unfair to me.
I started to be curt about financial issues and, I admit, I was a bit rude when I told them I was tired of being the ATM of the group.
I told my parents about it and I’m thinking of transferring to a private high school. But, I have this feeling that my friends are not bad people, they just get excited when they see my money because none of them stayed away from me or anything else, they just treat me differently now.
(fact: the last time we went out together, I only paid for my food and a friend told me “I didn’t bring cash because I thought you would pay”). AITJ or am I just a selfish rich?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s disgusting of your friends for you to assume that you would pay.
Technically you aren’t the one who has money it’s your parents and they share it with you. That doesn’t mean by default because they have less it’s your responsibility to pay for them. It definitely seems like your friends want you for your bank account.
And that’s pretty messed up to use people for their money. Have they ever offered to pick up the check for you? If they haven’t this friendship is super one-sided.” Ok_QueerCriticism
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. Girl, you’re being straight-up used and manipulated. Being better off doesn’t mean you should be responsible for funding your friends.
There’s a difference between “selfish rich” (aka allowing someone who’s financially assisted you to struggle/using your finances to brag) and “humble wealth” (using your extra money to treat friends HERE AND THERE/not mentioning it). You don’t sound to be bragging about your wealth or even offering to pay for anything, you just want to go out with your “friends”.
And as you said, you’re not an ATM! Don’t feel bad for setting boundaries OP, these sound pretty healthy and fair.” milkteaentusiast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry they are taking advantage of you. They might be generally good people who are young and naive as well.
You could try telling them your parents cut your allowance because they were mad at how much you were spending (maybe talk to your parents. They might not mind being the “bad guys” if it gets you a chance to just be friends with them.
And if the girls drop you because you won’t pay, then you know they aren’t worth your time. You can also stop going out for food with them, or just invite them over to hang out with basic snacks. Keep a good head on your shoulders, there are good people out there.” Fianna9
19. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister During My Own Crisis?
“The other day my sister (23) and niece (2) came over to my (F34) house for a while. About 15 minutes before they left, the electricity went out in our neighborhood on a 100-degree day, and my jerk partner and I got into an argument, so my sister packed up my niece and left (rightfully so).
Not even 5 minutes afterward, my phone rings. My partner and I are still arguing and, quite frankly, deciding whether or not it’s a good idea to continue the relationship, but I see that it’s my sister so I answer.
Now, I need to give a very brief amount of background here.
My sister is very responsible with her money in that she doesn’t overspend or have outstanding bills. She has a bank account as well as a credit card but has been utilizing Apple Pay frequently. Our city is still a little slow in adapting to other methods of payment, so it’s not always an available option.
For some reason unbeknownst to me, she’s decided to stop carrying any cash or cards in favor of Apple Pay which then puts her in a bind, so she will ask me if I can pay for something and she’ll immediately Apple Pay or Zelle me.
I have told her multiple times that she needs to be more responsible when it comes to this because I won’t always be there to bail her out for this crap. It’s happened at least a dozen times in the last year. Back to the story.
I answer the phone, clearly upset and crying, and my sister says, “I’m at the gas station and they don’t have electricity either so I can’t use Apple Pay. I only have 9 miles left in my tank. Can you bring me some cash?” I said no, why don’t you have a card or some emergency cash?
I’m in the middle of my own crisis and I can’t come right now. So she does that teeth-sucking noise and says “ohhhhhhhhhh, uh-huh, yeah, that’s fine, I’ll be okay, it’s okay” and hangs up on me.
So now I’m really upset.
I try to settle with the jerk in front of me and send her several texts throughout the night to see if anyone came to help her now that I was less emotional/more rational/able to drive (my eyes swell when I cry hard) and she refuses to answer.
I sent her a text today and asked her to see things from my point of view as this isn’t the first time it’s happened, what if I wasn’t in town or something, and that an emergency on her part doesn’t always constitute one on mine, and that I was in the middle of my own crisis, she basically said that she needed to “reflect and reevaluate our relationship as she (sister) clearly expects too much from me (OP) because she’d never leave me hanging and it was inappropriate for me to “teach her a lesson” while her daughter was with her.
At what point do I get to stop bailing her out?!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, I would text her “I need to reevaluate our relationship because clearly when I am a crying traumatized mess, my inability to stop my crisis to attend to yours angers you.
I would like to think that my status as your sister means more to you than the fact you were inconvenienced by your own lack of preparation. I am devastated by my own things, now my sister threatens to, what, disown me because I had to tend to something else that didn’t involve you?
Thanks, sister, for showing me how little I mean to you.” Seriously I would do this.” StraightJacketRacket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You said it herself, her failure to plan does not constitute an emergency for you. Only using Apple Pay and not carrying either cash or a backup credit card is very irresponsible, especially with a two-year-old.
Her reliance on others to come running to her rescue for each minor inconvenience (power outages happen all the time) is rude, and inconsiderate, and can put her and her daughter into dangerous situations that could easily be avoided with proper planning. If she doesn’t want to carry a wallet to house cash or a card then she can get one of those little phone pocket attachment things to carry them.
For the sake of her daughter, she needs to change how she handles her finances.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And my response anytime anyone that usually hits me up for favors tells me they need to reevaluate our relationship….I just laugh and tell them to go ahead and do that and let me know what they decide.
I’m never too worried about it…they usually come around again as soon as they need something. What your sister is doing is a manipulation tactic. Read “Who’s Pulling My Strings” – keys to the castle when dealing with manipulative people.” No-Dragonfly4661
18. AITJ For Wanting To Lock My Disorganized Friend Out Of My Gaming Account?
“I have an old school friend who is very disorganized, years ago he locked himself out of his Origin account so I offered him the login to mine, so we could both play Sims 4.
This worked fine for a long time.
Recently we don’t tend to talk as much, but he still uses my Origin. Personally, I feel like I’d feel guilty using someone else’s account if I didn’t really talk to them anymore but hey whatever it’s fine.
However, a couple of weeks back he linked my Origin to his own Steam account to play a Steam/Origin game. This means I now can’t play any Origin games on Steam unless I make an entirely new Origin. I felt this was a bit unfair so I texted him asking him to unlink it, which he said he would but it has now been over two weeks.
I have continually reminded him but he just says he will and then forgets. On the 19th he said he would do it on the next day but it’s now the 22nd and nothing. I’m now frustrated and tempted to change the password on the account to lock him out.
This would not help my situation with the link and could mess up the game he bought using my origin. So it’s kinda petty, but I’m so bored of reminding him.
WIBTJ if I locked him out?”
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s fine to lock him out to make him unlink.
Or just tell him you will. Also would be fair to lock him out for good, which is up to you. Check that your password recovery questions (guessing origin has them too?) are things only you know first.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were being nice and he’s taken advantage.
If you still want to be nice, give him 24 hours’ notice before you change the password and lock him out. If he does finally unlink the two, still consider locking him out. (Hey man, I think it’s best if we stop sharing. You can either figure out your password situation on your account or create a new account.) Password recovery is a thing and in 2022 everyone should know how to use it.
Or he can make a new origin account. If he doesn’t unlink, change the password. Then wait and see if he unlinks the two accounts on his own since he doesn’t have access to your origin anymore. If he doesn’t unlink the accounts, you might contact Origin or Steam to see what they can do.
I know you don’t want to make a whole new account because you’ll have to rebuy games and start all over.” Writerofworlds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lock him out, then when he contacts you about not being able to log in, you tell him you will give him the new password but he needs to immediately unlink the account to steam.
Then give him an hour and if he hasn’t unlinked it, change the password again.” voluntold9276
17. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Feminine Name To Please My Dad's New Wife?
“I (19M) have a feminine name “Lilith.” I was named Lilith after my mother who passed away after giving birth to me. I was never bullied for having a feminine name (surprisingly) and people around me even liked it so I grew to like it myself.
My dad recently remarried a woman we’ll call “Lola”. Ever since Lola started living with me and my dad she constantly complained about how feminine my name is for a boy and even offered to legally change my name. I was annoyed by it and always flipped her off and told her to back off when she did, but today she took things a bit too far.
This morning she guilt-tripped my dad by saying “if you love me could you ask him to change his name.” Because my dad loved her so much he asked me if I could consider changing my name to something more masculine like Leon, Luke, or Liam.
I honestly hate the names Lola suggested and I told my dad he can get lost because I’m not changing my name. Now my dad is trying to persuade me with promises and gifts and Lola is now not talking to me (thankfully).”
Another User Comments:
“Lilith dude, don’t change your name not even for $300 million and a million alpacas! NTJ all the way. Lola’s a jerk for being manipulative and trying to erase your mom by trying to change your name. Your dad is a jerk for caving to her demands.
If you have any keepsakes from your late mom, better get a lock with key to keep them away from Lola before they “accidentally end up in a wood chipper.”” ElvisCresposblanket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ times a billion. You were named in honor of your mother and you’re now a young adult who seems to love your name.
It’s who you are. Your father should shut down his new little partner immediately – especially since he probably was the one who named you. As for Lola.. she’s insecure, ridiculous, and immature. Don’t engage in any type of conversation about this with her.
I say this a lot but you should show your father this thread and also explain to him that you’ve lived your entire life with this name and changing it just to please a random girl with insecurities is completely out of the question and if he/they keep on pushing the matter, you’ll have no option but going no contact with them.
Good luck Lilith! I love your name.” ProgrammerBig6254
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. Next time he asks just respond with “if you want me out of your house/life just tell me that.” And when he acts all surprised, explain to him that just cause his new wife wants to erase your mom doesn’t mean you want that.
Obviously, my response is closer to a nuclear reaction than most. But make it clear you never want it brought up again.” Redwings1927
16. AITJ For Ignoring My Friend After He Neglected My Dogs?
“I asked my friend, “Justin,” if he was able to dog-sit for me because the original sitter canceled. He agreed to do it for free but I offered to pay him anyway.
I gave him the money beforehand so he could buy food and I left for my work trip.
Came home a few hours earlier than originally planned, since there was way less traffic than I anticipated, turns out Justin left as soon as I did.
He didn’t watch my dogs at all; There was poop and pee everywhere but luckily the house had AC so they didn’t overheat. They tore into their food bag, which made a huge mess on the floor but was also better than the dogs starving.
I cleaned up and didn’t call Justin. He came to the house about two hours before I originally expected to. All he said was “Oh, when did you get home, OP?” Turns out he “had” to treat his partner for her birthday weekend, I just told him to leave without even asking for my money back.
We run into each other at the store or on the street (we live like 2 blocks away in a small town) Justin will ask for a high five and I just walk past him. My other friend, Christina, is calling me petty. She says Justin’s a jerk and the dogs were fine, and it’s petty to keep making things uncomfortable by not talking to Justin.
I think him lying about taking care of my dogs is a huge deal, but I know I’m also “dog crazy.” I could forgive Justin easily, but AITJ for not wanting to let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This man lied to you, endangered your pets, had a plan for covering it up, and then, when you caught him red-handed, didn’t even have the decency to apologize.
I’m not sure what is wrong with Christina, but if you think she’s worth keeping as a friend, I would encourage you to give her ONE chance. Sit down with her and explain that just because your dogs survived Justin’s appalling treatment, that does not give him a pass.
He is apparently unable to acknowledge the enormity of his betrayal of your trust… Why should you acknowledge him? If she’s “uncomfortable” with the situation, she should be talking to him and either convincing him to atone for his actions (I think using all his free time volunteering to clean up after dogs at a shelter might be a good start), or dropping him as a friend.
You haven’t given her an ultimatum–which speaks well of you–but if she can’t recognize that your behavior is entirely appropriate, there’s something wrong with her, not you.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“Signing in to say my narcissistic brother would do crappy things to me and then pretend like it never happened. Then when we were around other people he would try to high-five me constantly.
When I wouldn’t respond he’d just say nonsense like I guess I’m not a good big brother if my sister won’t talk to me. And become the victim. Sounds like your situation. Dump your other friend. She sounds horrible and lacks common sense.
I would also make a post about this on social media. He sounds like a hero but is really just a thief and a liar. Happy your dogs are okay. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reason he keeps going for high-fives is because he still thinks he’s in middle school and nothing matters.
By him doing a socially acceptable action and you rejecting him, you seem like the rude one to any onlookers. I don’t know how to describe it but I’ve faced this same issue before and there’s really no way to change public perception except to make a statement at some point of “No. I’m not going to interact with you after you left my dogs to potentially die.
They matter to me, which is why I paid you to watch them. You were so selfish that you took the money to gamble on their lives, and on our friendship. We’re done.” Godspeed to you.” DeerDragon3E
15. AITJ For Expecting My Family To Help Maintain A Clean Kitchen For My Culinary Studies?
“I (M19) am a culinary student. My program is online, which means I’m using our kitchen at home for all of my cooking assignments.
My father (M44) and mother (F42) and sister (F13) contribute the bare minimum to kitchen maintenance and safe to say my kitchen is not up to academic standards. I have to spend a week now deep cleaning it and I need space to do my work in an actual workable environment, so I asked someone else if I could use their space while I get mine back in order, for maybe one day out of the next upcoming week.
A bit more backstory, my family hates cleaning, sees it as demeaning, and often considers “cleaning” to be wiping the dirt into a corner, and they let things get really messy and clean it up maybe twice a year.
I explained the situation to my family, asked for help cleaning, and explained to them how I’d be getting my work done otherwise (since they asked) and they called me “insulting” and that “I made them feel unnecessarily ashamed.”
I explained we all use the kitchen, and all should contribute to keeping it cleaned, including deep cleaning, but apparently, I’m being made the bad guy for all this. So, am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A dirty house is not a healthy environment and can lead to health issues.
Unless your family is prepared to hire a maid they need to grow up. No one likes to clean so that is a completely invalid excuse. Get out when you can and check on your sister often. If it gets too bad, call CPS to protect her.
(Only if it gets really bad do you do this. Maybe if you leave they will see reason and put some effort into the home.)” Unusual_Variant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – parents should be helping with school in what ways they can. Not every parent can pay for education, but surely cleaning up after themselves is a small ask.
I say this as a parent who started saving for my kids’ college before each of them was born. Also, where can I do a culinary degree online? I don’t need it but I’d love to learn. My cooking skills are embarrassing.” DonutsAviator
Another User Comments:
“I am leaning towards YTJ. OP – are you paying rent? It is your parents’ house, they are supporting you and they are happy with the kitchen the way it is. I would think of it as the price of free rent is you have to clean the kitchen to your standards.
It is a pretty good deal that many people would jump at the chance to pay. If you pay rent, consider negotiating cleaning duties ie you will clean the kitchen but never the toilet and bathroom. Otherwise, it might be time to move out into a place where you can maintain the standard you want.” Cherry_clafoutis
14. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mom After She Embarrassed Me In Public?
“It’s my 26th birthday today. We went downtown to check out some stores and get some food. We walk into this clothing store and there’s this girl working there. Thought she was around my age. Told my mom it was cool to see someone my age working as I am nothing but a freeloading bum.
Working on that by the way. That aside, I know her well enough to know what she would do next. She walked up to her and asked her how old she is. The girl seemed really weirded out and kinda hesitant to reply as I can understand.
Then she tells her I’m the one who wanted to know that. I was really embarrassed. Told her I’d wait out front and left.
She followed soon after me. She immediately asks me if I’m mad. I wasn’t and I told her calmly that she made me very uncomfortable by doing that.
She even said that she didn’t tell the girl that I was the one who wanted to know that, which she definitely did. So now she’s mad at me for saying that she made me uncomfortable. I can’t ever say anything like this to her because her mood always takes a turn for the absolute worst. We just got home and only now she’s starting to act normally again.
We ate the food we got in awkward silence as usual when she’s like this. She’ll barely respond if I try to start a conversation then, acting like it’s all my fault as always. Am I the jerk here?
Add on: when we got home she also made a sarcastic remark saying “thank you for the fun day.” Usually, I tell her that when we come home but purposefully didn’t this time.
She said it in a real sarcastic tone of voice. I know her well enough to understand she only said so to let me know she thinks I’m the one who “ruined” our day out. If the roles had been reversed, she would have told me off immediately and she’d expect me to accept it.
But I can’t EVER do the same to her because she gets super grumpy if I do. And then she acts like it’s all my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“Imma say NTJ. If someone does something and immediately asks “are you mad”, most of the time they definitely know the stuff they do annoys/angers people.
The fact that she lied to you (and to that girl, because you certainly didn’t say you wanted to ask how old she was) makes her more of a jerk. Your mom sounds like a lot, my deepest sympathies. She sounds like a huge narcissist who constantly insists on being the person “wronged”.
Unfortunately, there’s no winning in this situation, and I highly recommend getting out of there ASAP for the good of your mental health” clairebearattacked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling awkward, and it’s actually a GOOD thing to tell your mom (or anybody) how you feel.
Also Happy birthday! INFO: On the first read I thought it was your mom who called you a ‘freeloading bum’ but what’s up with you saying that about yourself? Is that something your mom calls you or is this something that you’ve internalized? Your comment about ‘a person my age working’ just seems self-defeating, honestly it’s very common to see people your age working (you aren’t 14 or 95).
That comment sounds like you were setting up a situation for your mom to insult you, at the very least you were pointing this girl out to your mother and guiding her attention to the salesgirl. If your mom is a busybody and like you say ‘I know her’ what did you expect her to do?
In any event, you need to get a job ANY job so you can move out of that house asap. It seems like your self-esteem is pretty low right now, whether this is you being too hard on yourself, your mom gaslighting you, or more likely a combination – you need to find ways to get more self-confidence, so you can talk to the women you’d like to talk to.
You also need to set some healthy boundaries with your mom. Her pouting like a spoiled princess is not the way a normal adult reacts.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m saving this post for when someone asks me what narcissistic parenting looks like.
Your mother created an uncomfortable situation for you and the employee then blamed you for it. And it seems like you knew what she was going to do every step of the way in this situation which means she should have known how you would react and just kept her mouth shut.
She ruined your birthday and then blamed you for it.” VROF
13. AITJ For Wanting To Pay My Way Out Of Doing Chores In Our Shared Apartment?
“I rent an apartment in the city with 3 other guys, so it is 4 of us total in a 4-bedroom, 2-bathroom apartment where we all have our own bedrooms and two each share a bathroom.
I literally hate doing chores and I honestly can’t stand doing them even for a single second. I am already chained to my desk and required to work 40 hours a week, not including my time to commute, and if I am a working member of society and I have no money to pay for it, I have always said that I will pay my way out of having to do any chores or housework like cleaning, doing dishes, taking out the trash, etc.
My one roommate complains about this and says that it’s totally unfair that I don’t do anything around the apartment even though I’ve always said that I will pay my way out of it. He says that I still have to do chores no matter what and that everyone else in society does them so I can handle doing them.
But why can’t I just hire a maid if I want to and if I have the financial capabilities to do so? What if I make a lot of money and have a bunch in the stock market so I’m willing to pay from an economic standpoint to have someone else do my housework for me?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. . . and an immature one at that. Since they can afford to pay rent, they also have full-time jobs and a commute time, unless they work from home, and they still do chores at home to keep the place clean. Part of living with roommates is cleaning common areas, doing the dishes, vacuuming and mopping the floors, taking out the trash, etc. Hating doing chores is not a valid reason to not help out.
No one liked doing chores. Doing them anyway is called being an adult. Grow up – it’s time to become one. If you want to continue your immature ways and have other people do your adult responsibilities, then move out. Live alone in a one-bedroom and hire a maid there.
And good luck with any future partners – most are going to be of the “we need to fire the maid. It’s an unnecessary expense – we can clean ourselves!” And, if you want children, what then? Are you just gonna hire a nanny? Have someone raise your kid just so you don’t have to do any parenting because you work 40 hours a week and are tired from that and your commute?” MrsKuroo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can hire a maid for MOST things like housework, bathroom cleaning, etc but unless it’s a live-in maid you can’t not do anything. You share a space – unless that maid puts your dishes in the dishwasher every day and unloads them I call nonsense.
There are things that need to get done every day. With 4 people sharing a place trash likely needs to be taken out every day – so if you alternate that one chore, will the maid come every 4 days? Also, you say “will pay” as in – you don’t currently pay for someone to do your share of the housework.
This is perhaps why your roommate is annoyed.” iKoalabear
Another User Comments:
“I have a question, what will happen when you find a partner and move in with them? YTJ. Dude, it’s time to grow up. No one likes chores, but they need to be done, even if they are extremely boring.
Taking the trash out takes a minute. Washing the dishes 5-10 minutes depending on how much it is. Vacuuming, 10 minutes top. Vacuuming doesn’t even need to be done every day. It’s not hard to take 20 minutes out of your day to clean up and stop your home from becoming a health hazard.
And since you are 4 people, you can easily make a schedule and assign what days or chores you will have. Meaning either that you don’t even have to do chores every day if you have assigned days, or that it might be even less time than 20 minutes if you have assigned specific chores each that you do every day.” Sad__Platypus
12. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Remove Our Daughter's Hospital Picture From Social Media?
“My (27m) daughter (17 months) is in hospital right now. We don’t have answers on what she is being treated for yet but she is on oxygen and cannulised. She’s terrified of any doctor or nurse who goes near her and it’s just breaking my heart.
My wife (27f) stayed the night with her and I had to go home. I woke up to find a picture of our daughter in her hospital bed rough, tired, and upset posted on her social media and quite simply I hate it. I don’t understand why it needs to be on there.
I don’t like posting any pictures of my child online but it’s a concern my wife ignores and has done since she was born. I want to ask her to take this picture down but I’m not sure if I’d be the jerk and make an argument in an already bad situation.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have to vote that way. You’re actually not a jerk. I agree with you completely. But just let it go, man. It’s not worth starting an argument with your wife now. Maybe she takes comfort in discussing this with her friends and family and sharing this with them is an outlet for her.
Maybe she doesn’t have time to call everyone she wants to keep in the loop or knows if she tries to talk to friends/family she’ll break down crying, so she uses social media instead. Maybe she’s hoping someone will see it and that may somehow help solve what’s going on, like a friend’s friend has some pull at the hospital or something, I don’t know.
I get why you don’t like it, I wouldn’t like it either, but just don’t look at her social media feed, rather than starting an argument with her now about her relatively minor oversharing issues, when she’s already scared and stressed out. If you bring this up now, then you’re a jerk.
Bring it up some other time. Best of luck.” ThurmansThief
Another User Comments:
“I understand why she has done this, as it’s a response to stress and she’s seeking support/to rally her community around you all. There’s a legitimate reason for it outside of likes.
However, I’m very much in line with how you feel about sharing images of your child, and especially when they are gravely ill. It’s an emotional trigger to see your baby like that and to know that it’s been thrown out into the world for everyone else to speculate on.
Talk to her, ok? Explain why it hurts and upsets you, and don’t make it into an “I don’t want pics of my kid posted online” conversation. Talk to her about why you need this bit of discretion and family privacy, and try to come up with some solutions so that she can continue to seek support in the way she needs to.
And so that you can have peace of mind. I’m so sorry you’re going through this No jerks here I’m willing your little one a speedy and smooth recovery.” CatteHerder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But is it wise? That’s something that you need to weigh up.
Agreed, it’s not good to post that picture. It’s a jerk move. Your daughter deserves privacy, as do you. But she probably finds it a source of support and comfort. Could you suggest a compromise? A very limited friends list who can see it? Again, only if you feel the pros are worth it.
If you think it would cause more upset than it’s worth, or she’d keep it up anyway, it may be better to let it go (even though you are right). Another option is to ask her to remove it after the crisis has passed.” PeggyHW
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear About My Partner's Dangerous Paragliding Adventures?
“My partner loves paragliding, he started 15 years ago. I tried it too, but I’m just not into it. We now have two cute small boys (3 and 5).
I understand that it’s important to him and I also made my peace with him sacrificing a lot of free time.
However, he had an accident and fell several meters when our big son was a few months old (luckily just broke his wrist and recovered quite well) and last year, he broke parts of his spine when crashing during landing (but also recovered now), when our kids were 2 and 4 years old.
Now he recently wants to start paragliding again – fine by me, but it scares me. So I don’t like to listen to his experiences in detail – and now he’s upset with me (I told him that I’d rather not know too much). AITJ?
Additional information:
- we live in Europe, so insurance-wise we are covered well fortunately
- I would be fully able to provide for myself and the kids if we were on our own (regardless of dangerous hobbies, I always thought to myself to better be financially independent no matter what)
- We have a mutual living will, inheritance contract will follow soon
- Paragliding may seem to be a dangerous hobby, but – as I learned – it is highly dependable if you are able to e.g. judge the weather and assess the risks appropriately. So most paragliders would argue that it’s a dangerous sport like skydiving or (god forbid) base jumping
- It’s not about “forbidding him to go paragliding”, I think in a relationship you should support your partner’s wishes as much as possible, but I just don’t want to listen to him talking about it much
- He’s not a bad paraglider – according also to semi-professional paragliders.
He also has thought thoroughly about his mistakes that led to those accidents and will minimize those risks
- He has a lot of fellow paragliders to talk to, but he wants to discuss it also with me since I’m his partner”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a lot of people would do everything in their power to stop their partner’s high-risk hobby point blank after two big accidents like that, and you’re not even asking him to hold off on it until the kids are a bit older.
It sounds like you’ve found a compromise to keep your peace of mind to a degree, while also allowing your partner to continue the hobby they love. Maybe it’s hard for him not to be able to share his experiences with you right now, but he has to understand how much harder it is to be a supportive partner when you have lived the reality of being the partner who had to take care for two young kids and their father/your partner and living with the fear that something like that could happen again or something much worse.
You’ve found a way to be able to be a supportive partner and not have an insurmountable amount of fear, and I feel like ultimately while he may not find it ideal, he should be grateful for you! It sounds like you are an amazing partner and a far braver person than I am.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has a family now and with this responsibility. He saw for himself that this sport is dangerous and still doesn’t care. He doesn’t care how you feel. That you would be afraid every time he leaves the house. What if next time he dies?
Or is disabled for life like can’t move everything under his neck? Is his hobby and fun more important than his family and health?! Can’t he find another less dangerous hobby? He can’t still live like he has no family and leave a wife and small children behind.
This isn’t just about him!” EvilFinch
Another User Comments:
“I mean ESH because you went and had babies with a non-committed dude whom you knew was into dangerous activities. Just like marrying a person in the army, you can’t complain when they get shattered into pieces for the sake of the children if you brought children into that pre-existing environment.
You can’t really make him quit now. That’s the terms on which you went into this. Unless before getting pregnant you had a super clear discussion, no babies born if you don’t quit for life, this is equally on you. But yeah selfish dad, who thinks he’s invincible because he survived already.” taylorshadowmorgan
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My College Apartment With My Best Friend?
“I’m having second thoughts about a decision and feel like I’m being selfish and crummy to my friend.
Basically, I’ve known D since 6th grade (both of us are now 18M). When we were 13, I found out both D’s parents are heavy drinkers. D lived with his dad, but he called my mom one night and asked her to come get him because his dad was intoxicated and doing some weird/dangerous stuff.
The school called CPS a day later and my mom agreed to a kinship placement for D at our house to keep him out of foster care. D’s dad went to rehab and got him back a couple of months later.
This happened multiple times through middle and high school.
D would show up in the middle of the night every 6 months or so and he would live with us for a while, then go back to his dad’s or his mom’s, whoever was drinking less.
The last time was right before Christmas last year and D’s been with us since then.
So now we’re starting college in the fall. Campus is 30 minutes away from my mom’s house. I’m the oldest of 4 kids so my mom and dad (they’re divorced) decided to go half in on rent for an apartment for me closer to school.
D was accepted to the same college and my mom spent a LOT of time getting the school and the state to cover his tuition for a while since his parents wouldn’t give her a straight answer about paying it.
My mom realized that they weren’t going to show up for D before summer starts, so she talked to me about his living situation.
She said she would increase her “half” of the rent payments for my apartment to upgrade it to a 2 bedroom for me and D, OR he could stay at her house, OR she could try to negotiate on-campus housing for him.
The thing is, living with D kind of stinks.
He’s my friend and I feel awful about his situation but we’re constantly arguing about even small things. We’re just bad at being roommates. Plus I’ve wanted my own place for a long time, I love my siblings but some quiet would be nice.
I told all this to my mom and she was super supportive and understanding. She hadn’t given D any options yet, so he doesn’t know I’ve said no to us living together. But I feel like a jerk. He’s my friend and his parents keep letting him down.
I’m glad he has my family and my mom and stepdad have been SO cool to him every time this happens. I feel like they did this great thing but now that I’m the adult I’m like NOPE BYE.
Should I make a different choice?
I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me ask you this: can you still be a loving and supportive friend/pseudo-sibling if you guys continue to live together? If the answer is no or it will be difficult, then the KINDER thing to do is not live together so you can maintain a healthy relationship, which he so desperately needs.” okayish_22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like D has other options thanks to your mom, which is good because she’s an adult who’s had life experience and the freedom to make her own choices. Yes, you’re an adult too now but you’re a new adult and you deserve the chance to separate and spread your wings and get to know yourself.
D is a new adult too now, not your child to raise. You can be a good, supportive friend without sacrificing yourself.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“It’s a common problem with people who know one another TOO well. They say the best thing to keep a friendship/relationship from coming apart is, ironically, time apart.
Sometimes you need alone time to process and “heal” in a sense, and if you don’t feel the need to reconnect after a healing session, then there is a problem that has to be addressed (should you wish to, of course). The two of you know each other so well that now you feel the need for a bit of distance, and I think that is a normal thing.
Talk to him, explain your fears, and try to come to a consensus because the longer this problem remains unaddressed the harder it will be for everyone when the stuff hits the proverbial fan. Long story short, NTJ but talk to him sooner rather than later.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Supporting My Wife's Desire To Change Her Post-Pregnancy Body?
“I (25M) and wife (26F) have been married for roughly a year, together for 3. Back in September, my wife gave birth, and she’s been an excellent mother. I love my family, and I couldn’t be more proud.
Last night, my wife expressed her dissatisfaction with certain parts of her body. Given the changes that pregnancy could bring, I can understand why she might not be content with her body. I tried to explain to her that I think she’s beautiful, and as long as it’s her soul, we are soulmates.
She said “that’s sweet, but I’m still not happy with how I look.” I went on to explain that I think she’s beautiful and I can’t see how I got so lucky. However, “if you’re not happy with how you look, I will support you in any endeavor to work towards a realistic goal on the condition that you do it in a healthy way” because I don’t want my wife starving herself, or doing a fad diet that will make being a stay at home mom even more draining, compromising her health or burning her out.
She didn’t seem happy with me, or my response. But I just want my wife to be happy. If she doesn’t change, or if she does it doesn’t matter to me as long as we are both happy. If she’s not happy, I just wanna help her be happy.
But it seems like she might be frustrated with me.
My brother said I’m being too indifferent and she was probably looking for a more straightforward and honest response. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think this is a jerk vs not jerk situation. I think you got caught in a does-this-make-me-look-fat type of situation.
You can’t win and you don’t really know what she’s expressing by what she’s saying. You hear the words as if they mean what they would mean if you said them. She’s not asking for advice or help. She’s unhappy with a post-partum body, as most women are in the months after pregnancy and childbirth.
But I’d bet that that’s not the real issue. She is still recovering from growing and giving birth to a new human. She’s a new mom to that new human who can’t do anything for him/herself yet. She’s never going to get back the sleep she’s lost. Her life and her body will never be what they were before she had a baby.
She may have been the most 100% ready-to-be-a-mom person but she would still have a huge change of herself as a result of having a baby. It’s A Lot!
She probably has some degree of post-partum depression and this is part of how it’s manifesting. While your life has changed by becoming a parent, there’s no way that you’ve had the same cataclysmic physiological & emotional & lifestyle changes that she’s experienced. While exercise and a healthy diet are excellent choices for her recovery, those aren’t the whole answer.
She’s wrestling with a huge change in who she is, and her body is an obvious part of trying to process all of the changes. She might have some body dysmorphia, possibly, and it doesn’t sound any worse in your description than most women would experience at this stage, but it could be that she’s dealing with something deeper or dredging up old feelings that were unresolved.
Unless he’s gone through a pregnancy and post-partum period himself, your brother has no idea what your wife is dealing with. He can sit down. Help your wife by taking up some of the tasks and decisions that sap her energy, like housework, grocery shopping, laundry, pet care, planning/scheduling, etc. Suggest that she talk with her doctor about PPD, since she’s feeling unhappy.
Continue to tell her and show her that you love her, without hinting at any qualifiers. No jerks here and congratulations to your new family!” DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – to be honest when I first read the title of your post I thought “whooo this one’s gonna be a land mine” but honestly if you said what you quoted here, it was a beautiful and loving way to react to a no-win situation.
Continue to be supportive and loving and make sure your lovely wife is going to all of her post-natal appointments. Keep an eye out for postpartum depression and keep being the loving spouse you seem to be. New mommyhood is really hard (frankly new parenthood is) and she may just be feeling down.” Not-Creative-0921
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But since she still seems upset, why not try something like the following “Honey, I’ve been thinking some more about our conversation. It’s really important to me that you are able to love your body just as much as I do so I want to support you in getting there.
Are there some things we can do together or as a household to make reaching your goals easier?” Then suggest a few things: Making sure she gets time on several (3-4) days each week to exercise alone without the kid/kids. Taking up a new, active hobby.
Budgeting for a gym membership or piece of home exercise equipment she would like. Agreeing not to bring tempting or de-railing foods into the house. Participating in selecting recipes, making, and eating lower calorie meals together. Nightly family walks” Alarming_Benefit_968
8. AITJ For Buying An Expensive Gift For My Mother-In-Law And Not Telling My Wife?
“I got myself in a predicament. For context, I’ve been estranged from my mother for 12 years (since I was 16). My wife and I met 8 years ago, immediately her mother took me in like a son. Not to be all mushy, but she’s the mother I never had and I’ve always honored her as such.
She’s a very special lady, I lucked out in the in-law department.
Last month I bought two iPad Pros. One for my wife and one for my MIL, both specifically intended as Mother’s Day gifts. They were on a special, one per customer.
I bent the rules and brought my friend, gave him cash to buy one so I got both on sale. The receipt from the purchase I made was tucked away in my glovebox. Later I hid the iPads at home. My friend forgot to give me the other receipt, really no big deal I told him to hold onto it.
I was at his house last night, and he remembered to give it to me. I shoved it in my pocket and went on with what we were doing.
Sometime today my wife found the receipt in my pocket as she was doing laundry. I got home and she asked, “Did you buy an iPad?” I told her it’s a gift for her mom because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for her.
This woman completely flew off the handle, accused me of trying way too hard to get people to like me. She said, “Why is my gift of flowers and a card not good enough for my own mother? Why do you have to out-gift me?
How about you go find your own mother and buy her something for once.”
Honestly, that last one hurt the most. My original plan was to give my wife her iPad over breakfast. Tell her I also got her mom one, so it would be a gift from us both.
Then we would both give it to her mom over dinner since that is our plan for Sunday. But now my wife has made me feel like a jerk for even buying her mom one.
So, AITJ for out-gifting my wife?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
I feel like there’s another issue going on there that’s making your wife upset, because that seems like a very dramatic response. Very jealous-like. I’m really stumped as to why she would be upset, maybe when you explain that it is a gift from the both of you to her she’ll calm down.
It would either be jealous of the attention you give her mom or that her mom gives you. Or she could be jealous because she’s worried that her gift isn’t going to be as great as what you got her mom. My main problem with all of this is that she intentionally hit below the belt, I hope this isn’t an ongoing thing that she does when you guys are fighting, but the situation definitely didn’t warrant it.
Give it to Mom anyway, because I’m sure she deserves it.” MsCocobutterkisses
Another User Comments:
“Kinda wished you had said, “wait till you see what I got you.” Maybe get her a card too so you get something slightly more than her mother haha! NTJ, maybe just wait it out until Mother’s Day then after she gets her special moment explain the situation clearer so that she understands your approach.” Chickpeasquash
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She blew up aggressively at you for sure, and there’s no call for the insults. Better communication is needed on her part 100% though based on the things she said I wonder if this is a pattern for you.
But in her defense, she doesn’t know she’s also getting an iPad. She just sees evidence of a large purchase you made for her mother without discussing it with her or telling her about it afterward. You hid it, albeit for reasons different than what she thinks.
I’d probably be a little suspicious as well with only that information at my disposal.” DorothyZbornaksArmy
7. AITJ For Uninviting My Friend After She Took Back Concert Tickets I Paid For?
“Back when Taylor Swift Eras tour tickets were released, my friend Sadie said she would grab us tickets and I’d pay her back. We made concrete plans and I was excited. I’ve been a Swiftie for years but haven’t seen her live. I had to sell my Rep stadium tour tickets back in the 2010s because my mom was dying and I needed the funds to help pay medical bills.
I booked the hotel.
This past weekend I was having a little get-together for a bunch of friends and Sadie was of course invited. At some point she pulled me aside and told me that she had news, she is leaving in September. I was heartbroken!
We’ve been friends for years and I love spending time with her. I got weepy and hugged her a bunch and said that we needed to get all our thrifting trips in over the summer and hang out as much as we could.
Then she broke the news that as a way to bond with her sister before she left, she was going to be taking her to the Eras tour instead.
I didn’t know how to react. She stood in front of me and Venmo’d my payment back.
She was like “I know you understand.”
I said that this was a sneaky move and honestly really bad of her, and I don’t understand how or why she would do that to me.
She got defensive and said that they were under her name and that she didn’t “owe me” anything.
I was like yes, they are your tickets. Legally, you can do whatever you want. But this is still a really bad and sneaky thing to do to your friend, knowing that there is no way I will be able to get my own tickets at this point.
She just kind of shrugged and said “Sorry, but I figured you’d understand.”
I asked her to leave and told her to please not come back for the 4th of July party next week. I said I needed to process this and that I’m really disappointed with her and how she’s treated me.
This is a girl who I consoled through breakups, job losses, pet losses, etc. She looked shocked and asked if I was serious.
She ended up stomping off and leaving and texted me later to tell me that she’s “around” if I want to apologize for making HER feel bad about taking her sister on a “bonding” trip.
I’m honestly heartbroken that I’m going to be watching “my” show on a grainy livestream instead of being there in the stadium with everyone. I was looking forward to this so much. I checked the resale sites and had a sad little cry about it.
I am wondering if I am completely wrong to have just uninvited her. Is that too far? If it was in, say, a month or two, I don’t think I would have. I just need time?”
Another User Comments:
“Might as well blow this friendship all the way up!
Take her to small claims court for the cost of a replacement ticket. She paid for the ticket with the understanding that you pay her back. Hundreds of thousands of groups are getting tickets using this method to score tickets and seating together. When she claims that the ticket was never yours, hit the court with the paper trail: payment, refund, hotel reservation.
Why would you pay her for a ticket and book a hotel if you weren’t supposed to go?” Prestigious-Bluejay5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not a Taylor Swift fan by any means but this is a really bad thing to do to a close friend.
She definitely could’ve told you while she was planning this and not tell you at all public event. This was something planned for the two of you and she changed it because of her circumstances and considered you at the last minute. You don’t need to bond with siblings before you move it’s not like people leave forever?
I totally understand your pain OP as it seems this was planned specifically for the two of you, and she offered to order the tickets but you paid her. If you had known this would happen you could’ve just gotten the tix separately when you bought them.
She is bad for this, especially since I know those tix don’t run cheap and that’s a ton of funds for her to just make a decision for you” Original_Breakfast36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had an agreement. She buys the tickets and you pay her.
She bought the tickets. You paid her. She owes you a ticket. Yes, she refunded you, but you would be successful in small claims to sue for breach of contract. The remedy would be to enforce the contract, or award damages which would be the difference in cost between what the original ticket was and what they are now.
Did you get a refund for the hotel? If not then she straight up messed you over. “You have been a really good friend to me. I know you were really excited for the concert. I know you paid me and I know you booked a hotel.
But here’s your money back and I’m giving the ticket to my sister. I know you’ll be disappointed and I know you can’t afford the scalp prices. But I think you will understand! (That I’m a terrible friend.)”” RonStopable88
6. AITJ For Buying A Motorcycle Instead Of A Shared Car?
“I (25M) am an electrician who lives in a shared apartment with my brother and two friends.
We have been very fortunate with the location as we live very close to both a train and bus station. For a while, everyone would just use public transport to get to their jobs/school. After a while, everyone got frustrated with the poor reliability and the cost of public transit.
This led to the idea of a joint car purchase because my brother and our two friends could not afford to buy cars on their own due to their salaries. Everyone was on board with the idea that having a car would make things easier for us all.
This was when we started hunting for a used car. Every time I would find a nice car with low mileage and within the budget, they would all back out for one reason or another. This happened even when the car in question was one they found, they would talk and talk but never buy.
This happened several times, at one point I simply got fed up and abandoned the idea of buying a car with them. Because I still wanted to have a personal vehicle I decided to buy a motorcycle. I was able to buy one right off of the showroom floor along with riding equipment for 12K, the bike comes with storage containers on the side and back.
When my roommates found out about the bike they became really upset. They are now saying that they have found a car and are going to buy it but need me to help cover the costs. I straight up told them that I no longer have the money to help them.
This led to them complaining that they have no easy way of getting groceries, going to school, and visiting their/my parents. They have also started claiming that soon they will not be able to do anything due to public transit and school costs. On top of that, I have to deal with both their and my parents demanding me to return/sell the motorcycle because they told them about it.
I told them I have no intention of doing that and they are on their own now.
Am I the jerk for buying a motorcycle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Communal cars very rarely work out well. However, you agreed, found more than one and they backed out.
You already paid your penance. They are mad that you have your freedom (without having to cater around them and their use of the vehicle) AND now they have to pay more, per person, for a car or get a cheaper car. NOT YOUR PROBLEM!
Keep your motorcycle and your sanity. Good luck.” dalekmasterplan
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. Your roomies sound indecisive and passive-aggressive. It was also smart to get a bike and not a car. That said, the original idea of sharing ownership of a vehicle is so absurd it’s hard to believe anybody thought this made sense.
Welcome to gasoline wars. “There was half a tank when you drove off”. Or “That’s not my dent, it’s yours”. Or someone moves out and wants their full payment back. Or 2 people need to leave early one morning. Oy. Don’t do that again!” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are not required to buy/share a car with anyone. I actually think it is a REALLY bad idea. 1 person will pretty much claim ownership and will always use it while everyone else just pays for it. Or 1 person will damage and wreck it and then everyone else is out.
Plus, they had their chance and they kept backing out and jerking you around. Should you have told them prior to buying the motorcycle that you weren’t interested in car sharing anymore, yeah. Unless you were just walking by the place and made a spur-of-the-moment decision.” Forseti555666
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Relatives To Invite Their Taxi Driver To My Wedding?
“I (28M) am getting married to my partner (29F) next week. A few days ago while talking to guests about RSVPs my dad’s aunt and cousin told my dad that they will be taking a taxi to the wedding and want the taxi driver to come to the wedding with them as a guest and later take them home.
When my partner and I heard we were really upset. They did that without asking us first if we’re ok with that, which we are not. We don’t want some stranger to appear in the photos and each invited guest costs us 150$.
My dad and grandpa are on our side and tried talking with them 4 times suggesting alternatives like order one taxi to get to the wedding and one taxi to leave, or simply paying the taxi driver to go somewhere else while he waits, but they won’t budge.
So after the 4th attempt at talking to them today, my dad told me that we either just let them invite their taxi driver or he can tell them that under no circumstances we allow them to invite him, which will cause them to not come and they will not talk to our family ever again (yeah, they are that dramatic).
As I mentioned earlier my dad is completely on our side and will do whatever we choose.
So WIBTJ if I tell them that they cannot invite their taxi driver even if it creates a family explosion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is possibly the strangest wedding guest request I’ve ever seen and I hang out in Bridezilla and wedding shaming groups for funzies, so I’ve read a lot of them.
It’s like they forgot the purpose and concept of cabs. Driver picks you up and drops you off. Did it occur to them that this poor random driver wouldn’t want to attend a wedding and miss a full day of income for their 2 cab fares?
This is beyond bizarre. Honestly, I think they’re straight up lying to you and are just trying to sneak one of their friends into the wedding who would be willing to drive them there and home. There no other reasonable explanation.” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taxi driver can go get food, sit in the car listening to music, read, play games on his/her phone, go for a walk, or whatever to pass the time. Your wedding your rules. Don’t let your dad’s aunt and cousin tell you who is going to your wedding.
Let the tantrum begin. Just like you would with a child, you don’t give in because they will have a tantrum. If you do it will make the next incident even harder to get control over. You’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to defend your boundaries from those who would stomp all over them.
It will only get harder if you’re seen as a pushover. Also, you don’t need dad on your side, doesn’t matter, you are an adult, no need to take a census of who agrees with you on this. You are an adult who can make up your own mind.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So…are you sure that this isn’t someone they know and just don’t want to admit it, and so they came up with this ridiculous story about the taxi driver? After all, you figure the taxi driver, if he’s even willing to do this, is going to charge them hourly to wait (in my city it averages like 30 bucks an hour), so it’s going to cost them that, plus the fare, if he’s going to just chill for the whole wedding.
Also, have they pre-arranged a taxi a week in advance, with a specific driver who agreed to this silliness? That seems unlikely. NTJ no matter what you do, and they’re being jerks expecting anyone to invite a freaking taxi driver. But if you do care about them, and want to see if there is a resolution here, maybe ask if this taxi story is a cover and one of them has a lover/partner who they want to bring.
Either that’s it, and you can make the decision based on the truth, or that’s not it and they’re really this insane and you can proceed as planned.” LiLadybug81
4. AITJ For Expecting My Sister's Husband To Take Care Of Her After She Got Intoxicated?
“Last weekend my (f23) sister (f40) and I went to our sister-in-law’s (f27) house because she graduated law school and had a little get-together.
We drank too much and my sister and sister-in-law ended up throwing up. My brother took care of SIL, and I took care of my sister until her husband got there that’s when I got back to my own partner and continued my night, however, I see my sister’s husband and he is just drinking and I am like “Are you gonna take her home?
Did you put her in bed?” And he said “I don’t know.”
So I go, I help her clean up, make her tea, and prepare a couch for her to crash on (after consulting with my brother about where we can let her lie down).
Then I kind of complained to her husband because I was like “you should have helped her” and my dad says I am a jerk because her husband “went to work” and “was too tired to deal with her.”
I didn’t respond and we were all tired (and he had just gotten there, he was the only sober one).
I think he is a bad husband but my dad says I should have just helped her and not complain about it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone and your father know that it is a WOMAN’S duty to be on-call 24/7 365 days a week to care for everyone else while it is enough for men to be on duty.
only at work of course, 8 hours every weekday and every other hour they are entitled to slack and be free to do whatever without ever having to have any. responsibility for anyone else. I am not surprised that more and more women getting out of a relationship choose to stay single afterward – just like men statistically desperately hurry up to find a new caretaker/maid to use.” Willbewithyousoon
Another User Comments:
“Torn but leaning towards no jerks here. More just a bad situation. At 40 she should know better than to get sloppy wasted but stuff happens. Her husband clearly finished work later than everyone else and arrived to his wife already being out of it.
Should he have helped? Yeah. But if he thought the situation was handled because you were already on it when he got there then I wouldn’t call him the jerk for not jumping in. Are you the jerk for pointing out he should have helped?
Not at all. If anyone is the jerk it’s Dad. He commented on a situation he wasn’t helping with to defend the person who wasn’t doing anything.” Eldarion1
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You were the one partying with your sister, which leaves you at least partly responsible for the people you are with.
Your sister’s partner was not there and had no say in her actions, however, you watched her drink enough to get into such a state (and probably egged her on). Her partner however was pretty callous over her situation. Part of being someone’s partner is helping to care for and protect them (even if you are not the cause), so to just ignore her is not appropriate.
I am however very sympathetic for someone just arriving after working all day to be told ‘we acted irresponsibly, your partner is in a state, and now we want to continue acting irresponsibly while you have your night ruined by having to care for her.'” nrsys
3. AITJ For Quitting My Job And Inspiring Others To Do The Same Due To A Company Move To Quebec?
“I was born and raised in the province of Quebec. Quebec is one of the most, if not the most racist places to live in all of Canada. Their prejudice is primarily based on language, if you do not speak French or bow to French “superiority” you are a second-class citizen.
Hardly a year goes by without the government trying to introduce bills to attack non-French speakers/citizens. It is because of this that I left after becoming a certified IT professional and never looked back.
The situation:
For over 5 years, I have been working as the head of IT for a small company.
Due to the size of the company, I am the only one in this role and I am also the only one who holds the certifications and training to fill this role. For the past three months, the company has been thinking about moving to Quebec.
From the moment the idea was pitched I was a vocal opponent citing how much a negative impact the move would have on the company and its employees. My concerns fell upon deaf ears as the decision to move was finalized.
This was when I handed in my resignation and made it clear that I would not be assisting in any capacity with the move nor would I step foot into Quebec.
Upon the news of my resignation getting around several of the people who worked under me quit as well citing my objections. This has led to the company losing 90% of its IT staff. At first, they tried to coax me with increased benefits and a better salary however I made it clear that I would not be returning even if they stayed. This did not sit well the owners and his family who I know well have been sending me angry emails and voicemails.
They are accusing me of sabotaging them and ruining their lives.
Am I the jerk for quitting and inspiring others to do so as well?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ. Canadian here, Quebec is practically its own mini-country. Not just with language preferences and prejudices, but there are also different tax laws and labor laws.
I feel like it would have been a huge pain to stay with the company because of this. If those other staffers didn’t share your objections they would have stayed. It’s not your fault they left too.” OrbofProtection
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for saying people in Quebec are racists because they are trying to protect their language and culture in an ocean of English speakers.
It’s not like people ostracize anglos or persecute them. This has nothing to do with a so-called sentiment of superiority, quite the opposite; French speakers were treated poorly by the Anglo elite up until the 1970s. Are you serious?? Who feels superior here? And to the people downvoting me, why don’t you go read a bit about the history of Canada and why there are two founding cultures and official languages and how that went about?
OP has every right to not move with his company when they relocate, but blanket statements about 8 million people are cheap AF.” Neonberri
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being such a bigot about Quebecers. Also for spreading bigoted information to your coworkers and subordinates. You may hate French Canadians but holding the position you do — plus referring to nationalism as racism — is an example of bigotry, pure and simple.
Not wanting to relocate doesn’t make you a jerk, but generalizing about a people as you have sure does.” whiporee123
2. AITJ For Threatening To Install Gaming Toilets Instead Of Funding My Niece And Nephew's College?
“A while ago I came into a moderately large sum of money through some punt investments (penny stocks, crypto, it’s not important). Large enough for me to pay off my 2 (well kinda 3 now) bedroom, single garage (now converted into a living space for my flatmate) house.
My flatmate and I co-habit well, him paying market rent basically covers a sizeable chunk of my rates and a few other living costs, so I only really need to do 20 hours working retail a week to avoid hemorrhaging funds from my investments.
This formerly freed me up to act as a babysitter quite often for my niece and nephew, but now someone quit at my job, and I’m left working a 40-hour work week that I don’t really need. The extra cash I’m just throwing at my niece and nephew in the form of cinema tickets, board games, and Magic the Gathering cards (parenting protip: Get them into the MTG trading card game and they’ll never have money for hard substances) things of that nature when I do babysit.
Anyway, my sister found out that my “being swamped with work” is really me working a 40-hour work week (contractually I’m on “part-time,” with a minimum 20-hour stipulation in the contract, but no technical max.) cause they haven’t hired anyone new. So I’m sporadically doing 40 hours a week filling unaccounted-for staffing slots.
She then tried to grease money out of me, saying “if you can live on 20 hours a week, you can set up a college fund for your niece and nephew” which, yes I absolutely could, but I wouldn’t be able to take them to movies and such as often.
I explained this and suggested I half my “spoiling money” on them and set up a trust fund that I would control for them which would be accessible to them on their 21st.
My sister responded that “it would be better to just front 10k.” To which I replied, “there’s a YouTube channel that installed a gaming computer in their toilet cistern.
For 10k I could do that twice over, one for me and one for my flatmate. One upstairs, one downstairs. Push this further and I’ll do it. and it’ll come out of the money you insist I stop using because you thought you could get it to go to you.”
I know my sister. I know she’ll push the issue. My flatmate knows a plumber, I’ve got a tech guy or two, we can legit get this done on 10k in weekly installments of like $100, and my flatmate is down to do it. Would I be the jerk if I got this done?”
Another User Comments:
“OP can use their money however they like, but I think they are making a dumb, passive-aggressive choice to prove a point here in place of having a real conversation with their sister and establishing boundaries. Torn on judgment here. Sister is definitely a jerk for presuming to tell OP how their money should be spent on her interests, but I can’t 100% endorse OP’s decision here and fiscal irresponsibility in general (windfall good times aren’t sustainable).
NTJ? Everyone sucks here? Justified jerk? Think this needs to play out a bit.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“It’s your money to spend how you like, so I am required to say NTJ. But personally, I think you’re just avoiding being a responsible adult. Not because of the toilets – those sound awesome, to be honest – but more that instead of holding a real boundary with your sister and being your own person, you’d rather let HER control YOU.
Because at the end of the day, that’s what is happening. You’re willing to spend $20k in a way you would not have otherwise spent it, due to your sister’s actions. Don’t do it. Do not let her dictate your actions with the money, in any way.
Also, word of advice: get a financial advisor. I don’t know you or your circumstances, but you sound like those lottery winners who go broke in 5 years. You’re young, but eventually you’ll be old and need money to survive in retirement.” witcher_rat
Another User Comments:
“I will say NTJ, but there are literal other things you could spend your money on that would still get the point across just as well. You’re not obligated to give money to your niece and nephew (but can if you wish), especially when it seems more like she wants you to give her money under the guise of it being for the kids.
Make that trust. It sounds wiser than letting her near any kind of cash. Seriously, please don’t do gaming toilets. That is a terrible idea.” YarnAndMetal
1. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Ex To Leave My Easter Event?
“I (36f) hosted an Easter event at my home with my best friend. My partner’s (41m) family decided to come and join us. Not a problem! His child’s mom and I don’t have a good relationship because she’s chosen to be disrespectful throughout our relationship.
I tried to be nice in the beginning and invited her to my home where her daughter was spending Christmas so they could be together and she accused me of trying to set her up. I didn’t have time to be childish so going forward I told my partner she wasn’t welcome to my home until we could have a conversation!
IT NEVER HAPPENED!! His family shows up at my home on Easter with his baby mom. I asked why she’s there and who invited her because she has to go. She tells me his mom invited her. I addressed the mom and let her know it’s not okay and the BM is not welcome!
She gets upset and starts yelling about how she didn’t like how I handled it and to pack her food up so they could leave because I don’t want them there. I told her that’s fine because they can’t just bring anyone to my home without making sure it’s okay.
She tries to tell me she’s family and goes where she goes. I let them know I don’t care how the dynamics of their family work it can’t come to my home.
His sister tried to tell me my and baby mom’s problems are in the past and I can’t be mad with them.
Although no one was considerate enough to call and ask if it was okay. They somehow tried to make me the issue. His family chose to leave the baby mom and I continued my day. Later my partner told me I was the problem and he didn’t need to have my back because they didn’t do anything wrong!
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Question – why are you with this guy? He clearly prefers his ex over you. His family also is backing up his ex and clearly disrespecting you in your own home. If they are crossing multiple boundaries now when the two of you are just in a relationship, I can imagine what they would do after you both get married. Before having a talk with his ex, you need to have a talk with him and set some very strict nonnegotiable boundaries in place.
NTJ.” ProfileElectronic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely not the jerk and it is rude of them to invite her without clearing it with you first. People don’t get to invite other people to your house that is considered extremely rude. Especially since she had been rude to you before.
And quite frankly your partner should have had your back on this. But for his mother to storm out and act this way is absurd and very entitled. Good for you for standing up for yourself because they need to figure this out and it is not your problem.
But again people don’t get to invite people to your house without your permission.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. By the sound of it, your partner’s family didn’t know she was unwelcome and figured it’s a family event, she’s family to them so she’s welcome.
I get that you don’t want her in your home but she was already there and instead of being gracious you caused a scene and ruined the day for everyone. What you should have done was be polite to the baby mama and afterward take aside your partner’s mother/sister/whoever and tell them you have issues and that you aren’t comfortable having her in your home so in the future please do not invite her.” Aggravating_Ad9046
