People Feel It’s Only Fair That Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories Get Judged
22. AITJ For Disliking My Partner's Friend Who Ignored Me At A Gathering?
“Recently I (F28) and my partner (M29) went to meet some of his friends for drinks. For context, it was one of his very close male friends, his partner, and another girl who the couple are friends with.
My partner has met this girl, let’s call her Sally, a couple of times over the years. I had never met any of these people before these drinks.
The hangout was overall really nice. The conversation was great, and my partner’s friend and his partner were lovely.
But almost immediately on arrival, I got the impression that Sally was a little standoffish. She interacted fine with my partner, his friend, and his partner, but whenever I tried to ask her questions or make conversation, she wouldn’t really look at me or engage.
Whenever I spoke, she sort of just drank her drink and looked around the bar and didn’t acknowledge me. It wasn’t really a big deal, but I got kind of a bad vibe from her.
At one point she was making conversation with my partner.
She said ‘remember when we met! It was at that party a couple of years back. You were with a girl, I think. But, oh, it wasn’t her was it’ and pointed at me. To me, this comment felt quite deliberate, but again, I wasn’t overly bothered by it.
Afterward, when we were walking home, my partner asked me what I thought of everyone. I said that I loved his friend and his partner, but didn’t really like Sally that much.
He immediately got defensive and angry and asked how I could possibly not have liked her, saying she was the nicest person ever and she’d always been so sweet to him.
I explained that I didn’t mind that he liked her, but that didn’t mean I had to – I tried to explain that sometimes you get a feeling from someone that doesn’t sit right.
He wasn’t having it and said I was being catty and childish.
I felt quite hurt that he was so quick to jump to the defense of this person who’s practically a stranger and implied I’m mean. I’m allowed my opinion, in my opinion. I’ve been wondering ever since if I’m too judgemental and if I should try to be more open-minded when I get a bad feeling.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I could theorize about the history there, but it’s hard to say. Maybe she likes him. Maybe something’s happened between them. Maybe she just felt like a 5th wheel and subconsciously took it out on you. In any case, you were polite in person and simply answered his question honestly after the fact.
I would be annoyed that he was more intent on defending her than listening to your reasoning though.” JennnnnP
Another User Comments:
“My husband’s friend had a sister who was the same and would make snide remarks, met her once before we were married and I just got that vibe.
Told him she likes him and wants him so she would purposely act standoffish with me and act like she was better. Ever since I told him my feelings and I’m not comfortable around her, he makes it a point to avoid her or not encourage any type of conversation with her if he has to be around her for some reason.
I’m not the only one who noticed but my sister did too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder if SO’s exes have also disliked Sally. Because I could understand standoffishness on the first meeting – some people are shy or a bit awkward until they warm up to people.
But bringing up the ex is universally bad manners. Yes everyone has a past but you don’t rub in the face of the new gf on the first meeting. I would tell your partner that Sally might be very sweet to HIM but she was not sweet to you.
And frankly, it is concerning that he is so angry about this. I would have understood “Sally is awkward, please give her a chance to get to know her” but he is completely dismissing you and assuming the worst. That is someone who has a crush on Sally or at best, enjoys the attention Sally pays him.
Also, if the exes have also brought up Sally, you should probably run.” Cherry_clafoutis
21. AITJ For Feeling Excluded From My Partner's Friends' Events, Including A Wedding?
“I (26F) have been in a relationship with my partner (27M) for seven years. We often hang out with my friend group rather than his and are not as close with his friends. I would say I am close with his 3 best friends, but not his extended friend group (which consists of a bunch of guys and their partners).
Whenever my friends have events, he is always invited – whether it is a wedding invite, birthday, cottage trip, etc.
However, on his end, I do not get the same treatment. I have talked to him numerous times about this, and we have made some progress.
I am sometimes included in events with his best friends, but again – not the extended friend group. I do not believe this is a case of them not knowing about our relationship, as I have them all on social media and they can clearly see we are together.
Also, when I do go out with his best friends, they always make comments like, “he should bring you out more! We should do more group things!” His best friends also DM me to make plans together, and I do take the initiative to plan a dinner or something.
So, I really am trying here lol.
Anyways, fast forward to now. He recently received a wedding invitation from one of the guys in his extended friend group. He and this friend golf together and have been in the same social circle since high school.
We both assumed I was invited as well, however, once I properly read the invitation, we realized it said nothing about a plus one. It is strictly a solo invite for my SO.
Honestly, I feel really hurt. I heard that the other boys in the extended friend group (who also have serious relationships) are allowed to bring their plus ones.
I have met this groom 2 times, and have never met the bride. So I understand because they don’t know me they didn’t want to invite me. However, my partner and I have been together for seven years – I am not a new partner, I have been around for a long time.
I also considered the possibility that they might not like me, but the two times I met the Groom, it was in a party setting and both times were pleasant and our conversations were too light for it to be anything negative.
I also spoke with his one female best friend about this, and she told me that it’s rude of them not to invite me as his plus one and that she has been invited to weddings (as her partner’s plus one) where she has never met the bride.
I am just confused about how to feel. Would it be rude if I asked my partner to ask the friend for clarification if he could bring a +1 to the wedding? I don’t want to overstep on anyone’s toes, I know weddings can be hectic.
I also don’t want my feelings to be completely disregarded, especially as I’ve had this issue of feeling excluded by my partner. Would it be rude if I asked my partner not to go? What options do I have – if any?
Also for context – the wedding is not held at a banquet hall, it is being held at a park.
I don’t know if the wedding is small or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like you have been together a month – you’ve been in a relationship for SEVEN YEARS. I’m surprised he’s not said anything before. I would be pretty hurt if I had been in a committed relationship for years and my SO was not invited to events.
It’s also pretty common to invite committed, long-term couples to events like this as a couple! I think at the least he should ask. “Maybe you don’t realize this, but my partner and I have been together for seven years, so we are a committed couple and it hurts when you exclude my partner.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re talking about asking your partner to stand by you two being a unit – which you are. Couples, especially long-term ones, are a social unit. I’ve never been invited to a wedding without my SO, and vice versa – we come as a package deal. So I don’t think you’d be the jerk for expressing this to your partner and asking him to find out what the deal is.
Everyone who is saying things about this being up to the couple and your feelings don’t matter on this is missing the point. The couple is well within their right to invite whoever they want, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a jerk move to exclude the long-term partner of a good friend, especially when others aren’t getting that treatment.
So NTJ, but this is a battle for your partner. If he doesn’t care that you aren’t invited and are being excluded, I feel like that’s indicative of a much larger problem.” falconmama
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – But you need to have a conversation with your partner about this because you are clearly missing some information.
Unless it is a VERY small wedding, it is weird that your partner didn’t get a +1 since they know he has a long-term partner. What does he say when he gets verbal (or at least more casual than a wedding) invites to hang with the extended friend group and their SOs are there?
Is he asking for you to be included in things, or does he just assume no specific invite for you means you’re not invited and he goes with the flow? If this is the case, they may assume if he is not asking to include you (or not just assuming you’re invited and bringing you) that you two prefer to have solo time or you don’t like that friend group.
Even if he usually only hangs out with the core group (not the SOs) of that friend group, it is weird that he wouldn’t get a +1 when they know he has a long-term partner. If there is some reason that someone (or multiple someones) from this group has an issue with you, then you have a right to know what the issue is.
The other possibility, though I don’t know how you would figure this out, is that your partner downplays his relationship with you when he is with this extended friend group. They may be following his lead in terms of what you are invited to. Or he may not be telling you when you are invited because he doesn’t want you there for some reason.
The flip side of that is that he is embarrassed by the extended friend group for some reason and doesn’t want you to judge him based on them. Either way, if he has been telling them for years that you are not interested in hanging out with them 9/10 times you are invited, I could see them getting to the point that they no longer include you, even for things like weddings.
Basically, this is something you need to talk to your partner about.” Forward_Squirrel8879
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Husband's Partner To Have A Profile On My Amazon Prime Account?
“My (42F) ex-husband (43M) and I have been separated for 2 years after 13 years of marriage. My ex-husband, Jason, went on the apps after we separated and has been with his new partner, Susanna, (41F) for over a year.
They live separately. I have yet to meet Susanna but my kids tell me she’s normal and kind.
Jason and I separated on relatively good terms, a mutual agreement now that our kids are older. We still talk regularly, because of our kids and because we are friends, but he lives around 40 minutes away.
We also still share various accounts like music and video streaming. I pay for my own Amazon Prime account and share it with my kids and Jason. Jason has his own profile on the Prime account so he can watch his own things. Last week he asked me if Susanna could also use my account at her house, and just add her own profile.
I declined. As nice as Susanna is, and as happy I am for Jason that he has a partner, it feels weird. My ex-husband’s new partner having a profile on my streaming account that I pay for?
I told him I’m okay if she uses it on his account, but I’d rather she not have her own profile.
He told me it’ll mix their watching preferences up and it makes no difference, I’m just being a jerk. But truly I feel uncomfortable with Susanna having a profile. I mean, we’re not all buddy-buddy. It just crosses a line for me.
However, Jason, who tends to have a bit of a more sensitive temper than me, is saying I’m being immature. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell him either they share his profile or he and his partner can go and pay their own account, how entitled from him to even ask for a thing that’d have access to buy things on Amazon too (even if it’s just renting a movie) it doesn’t matter if you can have x amount of screens at the same time, it’s yours and you don’t have to share with her or any adult actually… Just gotta share with your kids if he keeps pushing it.” al3jandraxD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t share my prime with anyone other than my husband, and even he has to enter the code that goes to my phone for login. I have had issues with fraudulent purchases on my account, so no one gets to use it.
I have also had family members constantly ordering stuff on my account after I gave them permission once to order something. I had a constant flood of order emails and I would be asked to forward the purchase emails and had to facilitate returns a few times.
Some of them would even rent a movie on my account, which is automatically charged to my card, without asking. They would usually Venmo me for the purchase, but it annoyed me that they felt entitled to make purchases on my card without asking first. I decided to just change my password and added the setting that asks for a code that is sent to my phone.
Your credit card information is on your Amazon account. Your ex’s partner doesn’t need access to that. You don’t know her like that. Amazon Prime memberships aren’t even that expensive, so they can split a new account if their watching preference algorithm is so important to them.” Lalalabambi
Another User Comments:
“Why is he still on YOUR account? He is 43, He is a big boy, he can pay for it himself. Throw him off of your account today. And to have the nerve to ask if his new partner can have a free account too…….WOW.
The moment he asked, was the moment where he made it clear that he doesn’t see “this” as something nice you do for him, but he sees it as something he is entitled to have. NTJ, but you are one to yourself, have an account for yourself and your kids, if he wants one too, he can get his own.” QYB1990
19. AITJ For Keeping The Water I Paid For When Not Reimbursed By My Workplace?
“For the last year, I have been buying coffee pods, sugar, creamer, and water bottles for the store I work at.
My store manager has always done a “paid-out” in cash in exchange for the receipts, so it was mostly a matter of convenience.
This week I brought in a few cases of water, but was told corporate was ‘keeping an eye on paid-outs’ so she couldn’t reimburse me.
I loaded the water into my personal vehicle but had a few of the other employees complain that I was stealing and that they needed the water (it is not very hot, maybe 80F).
So. AITJ for keeping water I paid for myself, to myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for it. When the store reimburses you, then it becomes the store’s water. They didn’t reimburse you, though. So it’s your water now. You can’t steal what you already paid for. If your coworkers are super thirsty, bottled water is pretty cheap and most stories have drinking fountains or maybe free water from like soda fountains if they have a dine-in deli area or something.” zszal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As others have said, you paid for the stuff. It is your property until somebody else pays you for it or you feel like giving it away. You are NOT stealing it. And if the other employees need water… well they can buy or bring in their own.” MogwaiChampion
Another User Comments:
“Your coworkers had no way of knowing that you were putting the water in your car because the company wasn’t going to reimburse you. So type up a memo and place it where they would get water. Also, send them notice of it on the phones you can send to.
Some will complain but maybe some will get creative. Suggest someone else take over (pick the loudest complainer) and establish a tax everybody can pay to cover the cost of water. But let somebody else take it on. Indeed a vendor who wants to sell water at a markup may have a deal with the person who won’t pay you anymore.
Someone needs to get rid of your cost-only service to get their vending machine business in.” 2ndcupofcoffee
18. AITJ For Losing Feelings For My Partner Who Doesn't Contribute At Home?
“My partner lives with me, she moved in a while back. She had a lousy job that didn’t pay much and was in a little bit of credit card debt, with increasing rent around the country and the fact I own a home I told her to move in and sort her finances out.
Fast forward a year and in that time her older sister (who she lost contact with as a child and reconnected with as an adult in the last couple of years) passes away due to substance misuse, she goes through a pretty depressed period, a couple of months after that she finds a good job with great pay, hours, benefits.
It’s been about 6 months at this new job, and she seems to be doing ok but she does absolutely nothing to help with the house. I have to cook, clean, literally everything, she pays no bills other than her car note, insurance, and phone.
She gets defensive when I ask about her finances, claims depressed when I ask to help me with chores, and I’m rapidly losing feelings because I don’t feel like there’s a team effort here and I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
On the other hand, I really love who she was when we met and before she moved in. I just don’t feel like it’s the same person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as someone with severe depression and PTSD it is her responsibility to move past the grief especially after this long.
I personally have tried antidepressants with varying negative results. Since that didn’t work I had to find something else. That being a therapist and it took me 6 different tries to find one who was a good fit for me. Life is difficult but you can’t just give up and rely on someone else to take care of you.
OP I would try and explain how this is making you feel to her and tell her you are starting to feel disconnected. If she doesn’t start putting effort into making changes it’s probably time for you to move on.” sirdabs456
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think either one of you are jerks but I think she’s being irresponsible at worst and taking advantage of you a bit.
Grief is really tough and there’s no timetable for when you heal but it didn’t just happen a few months ago and she’s had time to get back on her feet. And she’s holding down a job and making good money. So there’s really no excuse for her not to pull her weight.
There’s also no excuse for her not helping with part of the household chores. I’m single and have been through a lot of loss in my life but I never had the luxury of falling apart completely. I still ran my business, I still took care of my children, and I still paid my bills.
Was it hard and felt impossible at times? Absolutely. But adults get up and put one foot in front of the other and get the job done. You have given her a great space in which to heal and get back on her feet. So she needs to make a decision whether she wants to continue to live there if that’s what you want or to find her own place.
But she’s definitely not being a good roommate. And she’s taking advantage at this point. She might still be dealing with depression but refusing to get help with it is absurd.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Technically, NTJ, but there’s a lot to unpack here. I can understand the death throwing her for a loop.
I can understand the new job being a bit overwhelming at first. However, there should have been at least some signs of recovery from these issues. Encourage her to seek out counseling or therapy. She needs to talk with someone. Tell her how you feel, but be careful.
Don’t accuse her. Instead, put it something like “I am worried about you”, or “I have unexpected major bills this month; can you help with (whatever)?” You might have to give her some deadlines or set some boundaries for her. If so, try to do so without blowing up at her.
She’d only get worse (or more stubborn) if you start yelling. Sadly, you might have to tell her to move out. Good luck.” Sea-Confection-2627
17. AITJ For Refusing To Do Dishes At Work Due To My Eczema?
“I (17f) work at McDonald’s part-time. I just graduated high school and I’m currently looking for a better job.
A little bit of context about why I didn’t do the dishes: I have eczema. I have really bad eczema to the point where I get cracks and cuts everywhere and doing dishes is physically painful.
Most of my managers understand that and either do the dishes themselves or have someone else do them when we’re not so busy. You have to do dishes when you’re on headset, which is where they always put me because I keep my drawer perfect and I stay nice to the customers, but also because I’m not friends with the managers that put me on there.
So 2 weeks ago on a Saturday, I was working an 8-hour shift and they had me on headset my whole shift. (Which technically isn’t allowed they have to take me off after a certain amount of hours and I’m not supposed to go back after my break, but I didn’t want to complain to my bosses.) I was working 8 am-4 pm and the second manager (We’ll call him D (27m)) was coming in.
D is a pretty chill dude most of the time but this day he just had a stick up his butt. He broke down all the dinner dishes at 2 pm and told me to do them between cars, I told him no and explained why, and he told me to wear gloves.
The gloves go up to my wrist and we’re supposed to fill the sink to our elbows, so I just…didn’t do them. He told me if I didn’t he’d write me up and I just told him “go ahead.”
I called my mom while I was working (I don’t live with my mom) and she got super mad, I could hear it through the phone.
I told her what the shift was like and she got even more upset. My boss told me to sign the write-up paper so I did, I got into an argument with him and when I get angry I cry so I just walked away since it was getting nowhere.
I have a medical condition and even my dermatologist agrees I shouldn’t be doing the dishes, but I feel like I went too far with arguing with him. He talks behind my back when I’m not at work and my other coworkers tell me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a medical condition you have expressed to your employer and they refuse to listen. It seems like even besides that they don’t respect you and aren’t following the rules that were laid out for the job (the headset thing and the talking behind your back.) You are allowed to disagree with your boss.
If they have an attitude towards you and disrespect you, they do not deserve your respect. You are NTJ for arguing back with your boss and expressing your concerns that you have already tried to inform them of. I hope you are able to find a better job that is better accommodating for you!” Chaotic_Fallek
Another User Comments:
“I’m a second assistant in a McDonald’s restaurant, hello! My main priority when I’m at work is really my staff, I want my staff to feel safe and comfortable when they are at work. We also highly support the rule: if a staff member feels uncomfortable about doing a specific duty they don’t have to do it.
It’s the same concept as you can’t force people to work extra time or force them to leave early if they don’t want to. As a worker with a medical condition, there are things you can’t do, and that’s the bottom line.
Your manager should be reported to a higher-up because the behavior is inexcusable. Also, obviously as managers, we are allowed to discuss crew performance but that’s only with other managers, that should never be discussed and vented to regular staff if they have an issue.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, this wouldn’t fly in my restaurant. Reach out to your higher-ups.” ChillinAndGodzillin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure. As a heads up for the future, you are (typically) protected in writing a dissent addendum on any write-up you sign.
The signing is an acknowledgment of the conversation that occurred around a formal write-up, and workers are entitled to contest the statements in a write-up if they feel it was inappropriate (in your case this is clearly true). It’s important to do this because it means he now has to add a document to your file that acknowledges (via your dissent) that you have a known medical condition exempting you from dish duty, that you were ordered to work against policy, and that all parties involved were (or at least are now) aware of those facts.
This is to protect you legally against future write-ups or retaliation.” historyandherbs
16. AITJ For Ditching My Friend After She Invited Someone Else To Our Planned Outing Without Asking Me?
“My friend, I’ll call her Ash, and I made plans a few months ago to go to the fair the next town over that is only open for 3 days a year.
2 days before the fair I got a text from Ash that read: “X is coming too.”
I texted back and said, it would have been nice of you to ask if I was ok with that considering it was a “friend date” we had planned for months.
She said I can’t control who she hangs out with and I’m being selfish. I tried telling her that the nice thing to have done was ask me first and she said “Welp. Sorry.”
I then told her “have fun with X at the fair.” She replied, “so you’re not going now?” I told her I’m going but not with her.
She went off on me and all I answered back with was “Welp. Sorry.” Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had this happen to me many many times by an old best friend in my 20s. She would show up at our meeting spot with her friend, never even telling me someone else was coming.
For me that completely changed the vibe, made me the 3rd wheel at my own planned outings, and was just a bad time. We planned an amazing month-long trip to Europe. A few days before we’re leaving she tells me her friend is coming too.
I tried my best to go with the flow, but it actually did hurt me more than I could explain, to the point where the friendship became so very toxic. All that to say that I understand and no you’re NTJ.” SpeakingNight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had a friend who pulled this on a regular basis. Movie night with just us girls? Oh, she invited Jan. And Mary from work. And Carl. “The more, the merrier.” Fine, whatever. Then it just kept happening. I remember offering to run a tabletop RPG for this friend and three others who were also gamers.
I prepped for weeks. The friend brought FIVE others along with her, who either played these games or wanted to try it out. I noped out of there. It strained our relationship big time. Later, she apologized for that stuff and realized how bad it was.
But to this day, when she invites me anywhere, I ask specifically if it’s just us.” One-Armed-Krycek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even if y’all weren’t beefing, maybe you just can’t handle hanging around that many people. I know I’d be upset and back out too, especially if my friend knew we were beefing.
I have close to severe social anxiety, for goodness sake, I’m only inviting my friend and two of our best friends to my birthday despite people suggesting a party. But I know me, I can’t handle a lot of people, let alone people invited last minute, you’re all good OP.” AngelWithADarkSide
15. AITJ For Going On A Trip After My Partner Took A Family Trip?
“My partner went to Cancun last week with her family. I was not invited to the family trip. My friend and I discussed going to Costa Rica in December and then declined. I didn’t feel right going to Costa Rica while my partner was not taking a trip.
After my partner told me she was going on her family trip, I asked my friend if he still wanted to go to Costa Rica. I only agreed to go on my trip because my partner made it okay to take solo trips since she went to Cancun with her family.
Now she’s giving me a hard time because she went on a family trip, but I am taking a trip as a “single” guy. Am I a jerk for going to Costa Rica after my partner took a solo trip?
I did explain to her that the only reason I am taking the trip is because she created the status quo of taking solo trips.
She told me the only reason she went to Cancun was because I said “go ahead and go,” which is true but I explained to her that I am no one to prevent her from taking a trip if she wants to go.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with ESH. I wouldn’t say she necessarily went solo since she went with family. Not sure how long you’ve been together so it’s hard to tell the appropriateness of her going without you. Which if everyone and their SOs go except for you, I can see why that’d be kind of lame.
But you also suck because your post reads like you’re going on your trip out of pettiness. Doesn’t really make for a healthy relationship to simply be like “Well, you set precedent.”” whitecoatgrayshirt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for going, but what is this business about the “status quo” lol.
You’re both adults and should do what you want. It sounds like the reason you’re vacationing without your gf is because you feel left out of her family trip and think you are each only allotted an equal number of vacations? Also, is a family trip really “solo” or do you just consider it solo because you are not there with her?
You are indeed going by yourself (solo), which is fine… But it is not the same as your partner’s trip. If she’s worried about you being unfaithful, then address that directly. If she wants to go with you, consider it. It’s your vacation at the end of the day so stop limiting yourself (and your partner) with unhelpful and made-up rules.
It seems petty.” Necessary-Highway575
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This relationship does not sound healthy, and it’s hard to figure out who is setting the (very controlling) terms. Your partner is right, she went on a family trip, which is not the same as a friend trip.
It sounds distinctly like you are retaliating with this friend trip because she had the audacity to go somewhere without you. At the same time, you should be able to go on solo trips when you’re in a relationship, so if she’s giving you grief for going, that makes her a jerk.
If she’s the one who’s made it an absolute that nobody in a relationship goes on a solo trip, and your retaliation is because she broke the terms first, then she is the ultimate jerk and you’re just engaging in jerk behavior because this relationship is toxic and you’re engaging on the terms that have been set.
If you’re the one who’s determined that nobody should be going alone and she slid out from under that with a family exception, then you’re the ultimate jerk, and I might reconsider her jerk vote entirely. It sounds, though, like maybe it’s the former scenario?
She’s insisted on this unreasonable set of restrictions, and only she can escape them, so you’re trying to use exception to get out from under her rule without challenging or changing your relationship status? If so, RUN.” Alone-Goose7454
14. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Repay Money I Spent On My Sibling From My College Grant?
“I (F19) am a first-year college student. I got a grant for college to help support me, but I still live at home due to mental health issues. The reason I received the grant is because my parents don’t have jobs so we’re considered disadvantaged. Thus, my parents live off social welfare payments and welcomed their 6th child last year.
At first, my mom bought everything for the baby but in the last few months, I have paid for its bed, its stroller, its nappies, its car seat, etc. It’s basically like the baby is my child. Most of the money I got from my college grant was used on the baby so naturally I asked for the money back when my mom had it since I was planning on putting half of it in savings for a course I plan on doing hopefully once I graduate and the rest to support myself.
A few days ago, my mom gave me back half what I spent on the baby which I was fine with since I already felt guilty about asking her to give back the money but ever since then, I’ve been getting grief from her about it and then grief from the rest of my family for giving it to her in the first place.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“DO NOT GIVE YOUR MOM MONEY. This is not your baby. Keep the college money for college, not for any other expenses, no matter how urgent. Depending upon the grant, if you end up not going to college, you may have to pay it back.
I know you are struggling with mental health issues, but please please please get yourself out of the house and to school. I have a feeling the change of environment will be good for you. NTJ.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! As stated below that grant money was meant for you!
It was very kind and generous of you to even be willing to spend it on your sibling. Also note, that you should tell your family that money is meant to go toward educational purposes, spending it on anything could possibly have that grant money taken away or cause you to have to repay the organization that provided you the grant in the first place.” lovelovelove1988
Another User Comments:
“I’ve seen this happen with students in the US in Community College where tuition is cheap but they are offered loans and their families see it as free money. You need to move out or at minimum keep your financial information to yourself.
Open your own bank account and don’t let your family know how much money you have. When you open the account have it set up to not mail you statements just have them keep your statements online. Then if you get a grant don’t discuss it.
If your family asks tell them you didn’t get the same amount- rules changed/government cut funds, whatever. You can still help your family if you choose in small ways but take care of yourself.” Individual_Umpire969
13. AITJ For Thinking My Partner Is Lazy Because She Doesn't Want To Be Active After Work?
“My partner (25m) and I (24f) both work full-time. I’m a really active guy and since summer is here I want to get out of the house to do more things like play golf, bocce, or spike ball instead of just sitting inside all of the time.
I get off work at 2 PM and I’m home by 2:30 and she’s off at 5 and gets home around 5:30 so it’s not like she works late. Then she typically comes home to cook dinner and tidy up. Then she just sits around on her phone or watches TV all night until bedtime at 9…
I’ve told her that I’d like her to come out and start doing more things with me throughout the week but she just doesn’t want to. She says she’s tired but I think she’s just being lazy which is what I told her.
Now she’s all mad at me and said that working with 16 four-year-olds all day is “really draining and takes a lot of her energy” so she “can’t do things like that after work” with me which I think is nonsense. Watching kids all day sounds a lot easier than my job and I still have the energy to go out after work.
We’ve been arguing over this for about a week now.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”Watching kids all day sounds a lot easier than my job and I still have the energy to go out after work.” First of all; good for you? Not everyone is built the same, not everyone has the same stamina/ energy.
Calling her lazy because she doesn’t have the same drive as YOU is beyond inaccurate. She works, comes home and immediately does chores/cooks dinner. If she’s getting home at 5:30, and bed is at 9, that’s 4 1/2 hours. You get almost that full-time TO YOURSELF between when you get home and when she does.
You like to unwind after work? I’m sure she’d like to as well. Second; you are being a jerk by undermining and demeaning her work. Taking care of kids is exhausting in every capacity. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, it’s taxing. She works JUST as hard as you do.
YTJ, on so many multiple levels, and very self-centered.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“What is your job? What do you guys do on the weekends? It’s not uncommon to need time to decompress after work. By the time she gets home, you’ve had 3 hours. 16:1 ratio is high for 4 YO.
Are there other adults there? It looks like about 7 states have ratios at 16:1 or higher. That should tell you something as to how difficult it is to “watch kids all day.” You are on all the time with a set schedule that cannot be deviated from.
I’m guessing if you take your lunch at 11:10 instead is 11:00, it’s not going to throw the rest of the day off for everyone else and their families. Lunch 10 minutes late means nap time is 10 minutes late. Which means when parents arrive on time, their child is still asleep or has to wake up early from their nap.
Waking a toddler up early can be like poking a bear. You can imagine how the parent feels about their child being cranky. All because lunch was delayed. Summers are harder because (a) the activities are different and (b) none of the kids have TK in the morning.
Seriously, your SO is responsible for entertaining 16 toddlers: tying shoes, reminding kids to use the bathroom, setting up lunch, cleaning up lunch, laying down the kids’ nap gear, (at a specific place because Anthony and Dominique won’t sleep if they’re next to each other and keep everyone else awake), cleaning the nap gear, gathering students’ belongs based on the parents’ pick up schedule, disinfecting everything once all the children have left. And you want her to be responsible to set up dinner and entertain her adult partner for another 3.5 hours?
I’ve worked at a preschool as a TA for the 4 YO class. I’ve taught 8th grade for 20 years. 16 4 YO is much harder.” ethan_winfield
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I assume she is a teacher. I am too. It’s incredibly draining to work with kids. It’s mentally draining.
I do have a solution for you. If you plan on going out and you want your partner to go out with you. I suggest making plans days prior. That way, your partner can mentally prepare herself. When you work with kids, you are looking forward to going back home and not doing anything.
Just relax and chill. That’s what I do. If I leave work and I have already planned to go out with my partner, then it’s easier. It’s just not easy for me to go back home and be expected to go out out of the blue (not sure if it’s your case).” gw2ismyjam
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Wife When She Tried To Comfort Me After My Dog's Death?
“My m29 partner f26 has a habit of wanting to hold me whenever she sees me cry. I’m an incredibly private person and find it hard for me to even show any emotions, especially negative ones that make me feel vulnerable.
Every time she sees me cry, she’d rush to hold me, rub my back my shoulders, and refuse to let go knowing that I’d rather be by myself.
My dog of 4 years passed away last week. My parents were there at the time and I broke down crying in front of them.
My partner was in the kitchen and she must’ve heard me because she came rushing to hold me but I really didn’t want her to. She attempted to hug me but I snapped and yelled at her to leave me alone. She stood there in shock then exchanged looks with my parents then after that walked away.
My parents didn’t say anything and left after 10 minutes or so.
My partner picked an argument with me for yelling at her and humiliating her in front of my parents when she was just trying to comfort me. I told her I just needed space but she said that we share the same pain because she loved my dog too and is devastated over losing him.
She said that I keep saying I hate showing my emotions yet had no problem crying in front of my parents. I told her those are my parents and they had seen me at my worst so it didn’t matter if they saw me cry.
She yelled that she was my wife and life partner and that I was treating her like garbage and acting hostile towards her for no reason.
She’s been upset about this till this very day and keeps shutting down every conversation I try to have with her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I understand how you feel; I also don’t really like to be touched when I am upset whereas my husband is a hugger so sometimes in moments of distress that causes friction. HOWEVER, we made time to discuss how each of us felt like adults; I explained to him what I needed and he explained to me what he needed and we worked together.
Yelling and swearing at your partner, especially in front of your parents, was out of line. You can communicate your boundaries in healthy ways, and especially in a situation where the other person’s intentions are clearly good even if you don’t appreciate their actions, you should be taking their feelings into account as well.
Being an adult is handling things like grief and frustration maturely; not taking our emotions out on the people around us.” Chronic_Sardonic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have made it known multiple times that you don’t like to be held or whatever when sad and she keeps pushing it.
Why does she do that and not accept and respect you for who you are? That’s weird. She knew full well that you don’t like it and then gets in your face and picks a fight over it? Reverse the roles and you would be labelled a controlling jerk who is trying to change his wife against her will and she just needs space.
Yelling at her is a bit of a butt move but in the situation and with the history, kind of expected.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go against the grain and say NTJ because it sounds like you already made it clear you don’t want her to do that.
“Every time she sees me cry, she’d rush to hold me, rub my back my shoulders, and refuse to let go knowing that I’d rather be by myself.” My partner and I are the polar opposite when we’re upset. I want to be consoled, but instead of comforting me, his response is trying to rationalize everything and give advice.
When he is upset, he wants to be left alone, while my response is to console him. And if we do that we end up making the other one even more upset. So we stopped doing that. Because there’s nothing more annoying than someone you love doing something they know you don’t want them to do while you’re already upset.
Was it the best reaction? Absolutely not. At the same time, I wouldn’t call you a jerk over it. However, I’d say her being annoyed that you aren’t vulnerable with her is justified to an extent. Unless you aren’t emotional with her because she keeps trying to hug/touch you.” Vixen7-9
11. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Friend For Questioning My Autism Diagnosis?
“I was recently diagnosed with autism (hence the need for this post) and confided this information with my closest friends. Most of them told me “wow I don’t know what to say”, but one of them immediately began questioning me. He asked about my doctor’s credentials (she has a neuro PhD) and asked about what tests she used. Then he looked at each of the tests and even the ones he couldn’t find any problems with, he tried to come up with some.
“So the test she gave you has been proven to be reliable in diagnosing ASD but I don’t agree with the scoring”. I don’t know why he kept trying to fight the diagnosis, which I agree with, and I already told him I think the Doctor is very qualified and did a good job of explaining to me what the tests were for and what the results were.
For context, my friend does not have any sort of psych degree. He works in retail and has an unrelated Bachelor’s.
WIBTJ for getting mad at him? I told my friends because I thought, after knowing me for so long, they should know why I sometimes act the way I do.
I just wanted some understanding, not some criticism. But did I invite criticism by sharing my information?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ simply tell him “I appreciate your concern, but this doctor is infinitely more qualified to make this diagnosis than you are, so I’d appreciate it if you could just be a supportive friend instead of whatever this is you’re attempting to do.
If I feel I need a second or even a third opinion, rest assured, I’ll be getting them from equally qualified professionals.” It’s gonna upset him, but frankly, I don’t think this guy’s friendship is worth this much hassle.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless he is a medical professional specializing in diagnosing autism or other disorders, he can shove it.
Obviously, medical professionals and tests are not perfect at diagnosing this stuff, but you know how hard it is to actually get a diagnosis for autism, especially if you’re an adult? They will not tell you that you have autism unless they are 150% sure.” LazuliArtz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is in NO position to dismiss your diagnosis. Also, behind the scenes, a lot of professionals use peer consultants in determining diagnosis. I.e. my daughter had a speech pathologist, a pediatrician (and blood test for genetic markers /waves), and a psychometrist (her name is on the diagnosis paper – I don’t know the other two).
They conduct interviews with your doctors, family members, and any other individuals (school records, teachers, and so on) to determine your autism diagnosis. Also, the DSM-5 has been upgraded to DSM-5-TR. To dismiss you of your autism diagnosis is being ableist. Sorry about that.
There are a lot of ableists out there.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Telling My Autistic Co-Worker That Her Quirks Are Annoying?
“I (F22) work with a girl (F19) “Kara”. For what it’s worth, we are both autistic. Kara has a lot of behavioral quirks which are mostly harmless, like hand flapping or eating every single food with chopsticks.
However, some of the things she does really get on my nerves. For example, she never says “excuse me” or “ok” normally and instead says “ex-squeeze meee” and “okily dokily” in a really high-pitched voice. She also has a tendency to narrate what she is doing to herself in a fake French accent which is honestly pretty rough when I want to just mind my business without hearing a non-stop livestream of the inside of her head.
But probably the most annoying thing she does is she will insert herself into a conversation between two people who weren’t talking to her to talk about some aspect of her own life tangentially related to the original topic. I always just let her do it because I found it annoying, but not quite annoying enough to say anything.
I also don’t like confrontation.
Recently, however, Kara started telling me how neurotypical people love enforcing arbitrary rules on people, and how they keep telling her she’s being annoying when she’s not harming anyone and just doing what brings her joy, and how it gives her satisfaction to keep doing “annoying” things while they get mad over nothing and how glad she is that I understand and don’t get wound up over that stuff.
Which seemed like a good time to tell her that actually… I find it really annoying as well and I’d prefer it if she didn’t do it.
She then got really upset and told me to explain how saying “ex-squeeze me” or talking in an accent harms anyone and… well… I couldn’t, because it doesn’t, I just find it annoying!
She then told me how unhappy she was when she was forced to mask and how stupid she found it that society enforces basically arbitrary ways of speaking and acting which is, I don’t know, valid I guess. She then tried to talk me into joining her in “unmasking” and I’d told her that actually, I’d prefer if she put her mask back on and she got mad again and basically called me a sellout.
Now I feel like a jerk because I have a lot of the same tendencies as her and I kind of understand what she’s saying but I also find her behavior incredibly annoying and I was just being honest about the way I feel. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How she behaves in her private life is one thing, but if some of these behaviors are controllable and she has been told by multiple people that they find it difficult or disruptive in the workplace, she needs to stop. Most people have a work persona and understand what quirks and behaviors should be left at the door when at work.
The fact that she says she enjoys watching how it irritates others speaks volumes. She is purposely making the work environment less pleasant for others and enjoying doing so.” nemc222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You understand that living in a society requires doing some arbitrary things that suck from a certain point of view.
Also, she is wrong: Doing fake accents can be considered racist, xenophobic, and mocking someone’s culture. (The level of offensiveness would vary between accents.) Being Autistic is not an excuse for being a jerk and Kara is being the jerk for annoying people on purpose and hiding behind her Autism.” ElvisCresposblanket
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Wow, being autistic is rough and some deal better with it than others, nothing new here. I think she needs to understand, however, that “not harming anybody” and “being extremely annoying” is not the same thing. She can be completely harmless and still exhausting and she can’t expect everyone to always be balanced enough to deal with her.
She doesn’t want to mask? Maybe she understands if you explain to her, that sometimes people just find her extremely annoying and “mask” for her sake not to hurt her feelings, and sometimes it’s the adult thing to do to dial it back. Especially the accent thing, sheesh, if there is a god, may he bless your heart, because you are a SAINT.
And there is such a thing as people being uncomfortable around constant sounds, which can also be a facet of autism. And she ain’t helping you.
So if she expects you to let it go, she is expecting you to deal with her quirks, while you are getting shut down about how you feel, and that hardly seems fair.
Sometimes arguing emotions and not rationale can be helpful. Asking her how she’d feel if you expected her to “mask” all the time without her getting anything in return from you may help because that’s what she is doing to you. Explain it to her in her own words.
Dealing with people on the spectrum is hard and can be exhausting, but phrasing it like they do and seeing it from their POV helped me get along with most of them really well. I have a friend on the spectrum who loves cooking with me and sometimes I literally have to tell him “Mike, use your inner voice” because he counts everything again and comments on everything he is doing.
We had a very long discussion about how exhausting that can be, especially when we cook for 12 people and there are 3 of us in the kitchen. At least now he is doing so in a whisper.” Iothil
9. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Amputation Scar At A Wedding?
“I (f22) lost my arm 6 months ago due to cancer.
I have absolutely no problem with that and feel very comfortable in my body.
I’m invited to a wedding in two weeks and when I talked to my mum about what I’m going to wear her biggest concern was my stump. She wanted me to either wear one of my two compression sleeves which are black and blue or to wrap the arm up in a bandage.
There is absolutely no medical reason to do any of it. Everything is healed and you barely even see a scar.
I told her that I probably won’t cover the arm up at all as the sleeves would not match my dress and a bandage is not needed. When I added that I feel kinda offended by her insisting on constantly covering up my scars, she got mad.
That wasn’t the first time we had such a conversation. When I lost my hair due to chemotherapy for example she wanted me to always wear a hat when I was in public. She said my baldness would disturb people and I should care more about their feelings.
AITJ for not even considering how others perceive my disability and scars?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s trying to get you to hide the reality of your body probably because it makes her uncomfortable. People won’t become comfortable with the various ways our bodies are if it’s hidden.
What matters is how you feel and you sound amazingly comfortable. You do you because it’s wonderful that you feel comfortable in your own body. Not everyone is.” 4682458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So many people care too much about their differences, good for you for losing your arm 6 months ago and already not giving a darn.
Your friend doesn’t seem very supportive, and overly concerned about everyone around her appearing “normal”. This situation may be a blessing in that it has shown her true colors and how they don’t match with your values.” Swooonn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mother she should be more comfortable about YOUR feelings than what some rando thinks.
I lost my right leg (above-the-knee amputation) to cancer a couple of months ago. The only weird/funny reaction I’ve had in public was by a little kid on a trip to the store. She was maybe 3ish. Chattering away at what must have been her grandmother as they walked past the aisle I was sitting in my wheelchair in.
She. Stopped. Dead. Her mouth hung open and I thought I could read her thoughts: “No leg? Where did it go? Fell off? NO ONE TOLD ME THIS COULD HAPPEN!” Then Grandma said something else and she popped out of it and wandered off as if nothing had happened. I thought maybe she’d ask (or get upset/scared), but no. She soldiered on as though she’d seen Cthulhu himself and just decided, “Ya know what?
No. That didn’t happen. Nothing happened AT ALL.” May you also become some kid’s cryptid. It still gives me the giggles.” CirrusMoth
8. AITJ For Wearing Moldavite Jewelry That Makes My Roommate Uncomfortable?
“I recently ordered some Moldavite after failing to find it at any rock and gem fairs for over a year and when my roommate found out she was shook. I always wear cool rocks because they’re cool and help with my anxiety because I can fidget with them.
I was talking to my roommate and she told me to keep it away from her and that she’s dead serious because she believes in the more spiritual side of crystals (which I’m fascinated by and respect but don’t believe in personally).
I ordered it because as a little kid, I was obsessed with space then it moved to geology and moldavite is where the two quite literally collide so I’m very excited. I’m just trying to figure out if I’m a jerk for wearing it if it’s gonna make her anxious or if it’s okay because it’s my jewelry on my body that I got because it has significance to me.
And if it were a cross or other religious thing she was telling me made her uncomfortable I feel like it would be seen as much worse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I even googled Moldavite and spiritually it’s not like evil or anything. Just don’t make her touch it or pick it up.
When you’re not wearing/using it keep it in your own room.” Malphas43
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From someone who is fascinated with the spiritual side of crystals, the thing about moldavite is that “it finds you when you need it.” If she actually knew anything about it she would know that it “walking” itself into her life (meaning she didn’t go out of her way to find it) means she needs it most right now.
Being around it will be a good thing for her if she’s someone who truly believes in the spiritual side of crystals.” DifferentAverage5995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate needs to manage her own feelings in this case. What she believes in is her own issue.
Think about it as if you were wearing a religious symbol on a necklace and your roommate wasn’t of that religion or actively dislikes that religion. She would still have no right to dictate what is on your own body.” tatersprout
7. AITJ For Planning To Bake Despite My Mom's Ban Due To My Brother's Mistake?
“I (20F) would say one of my biggest hobbies is baking. I absolutely love making things for myself and for others, and I like to give baked goods as a way of showing thanks and appreciation.
Because of this, I tend to bake pretty often, and I use up a lot of ingredients.
For this Easter, my older brother (22M), who I don’t like at all (he’s just a terrible brother who won’t accept his own mistakes and the consequences of his own actions, and blames them on other people), wanted to make a cake for the family.
Although I wanted to make my own cake, I was like, “Fine, let him do whatever, it’s not my business.” He was also planning on making his own frosting (which I didn’t know at the time), and he needed powdered sugar to make it.
However, we were out.
He immediately started blaming me for not telling everyone that we were out of powdered sugar and that I ruined his cake because of it. The last time I had used powdered sugar was almost 9 months ago (I had run out of powdered sugar while making my own frosting at the time, so I just made some more by blending up granulated sugar), so I wouldn’t have remembered by this time that we were out.
I also didn’t know he was planning on using powdered sugar in his recipe (I didn’t know what recipe he was using or what he planned to do with his cake, I only knew he was making a cake). I told him that it was his responsibility to check if there were enough ingredients and that my parents had called him earlier in the day asking him if they needed to buy any ingredients while they were at the store.
He hadn’t mentioned powdered sugar at all to them. I also told him he could just make more, but he stubbornly said no.
My mom (53F) favors my older brother a lot, so she mostly sided with him. She said that no one was allowed to bake anything in her house anymore because of this.
This made me undeniably angry. I have to lose another one of my own hobbies because my older brother is incompetent? (For context: I was also a painter and was pretty good at it too, but we’re not allowed to buy any more paint sets and art tools because my older brother spent thousands of dollars on supplies that he ended up ruining himself and ruined our basement).
I didn’t think it was fair at all.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I still plan on baking stuff anyway. I was planning to make some cookies for my professor who helped me get an internship at a lab, and for my friend who helped me with a bunch of homework assignments and made me feel like a normal person.
I already told them I would be making things for them (I had to ask if they had any allergies, so that’s why they know), and I’m not the type of person who falls back on their word. My mom said that she would kick me out if I did this, which would leave me with no money and no help to get me back on my feet.
Do I risk baking, or do I lose another one of my hobbies?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll say you’re NTJ. You are breaking your mother’s rules while living in her house and people here will chime in and say “her house, her rules”. Usually, I’d agree, but I think your mother is being unreasonable here.
She didn’t ban you from baking because you were not paying for the ingredients or because you were creating a mess. If either of those were the reasons for doing so, I’d agree with your mother. But, she’s stopping you from baking because your brother faced a minor inconvenience.
And it’s not the first time she’s done something like this. She doesn’t allow you to paint either because of your brother’s actions. Your brother is the golden child and you’re the scapegoat. It’s not just an issue of slight favoritism. Try to get out as soon as you can, because it’ll only get worse.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother sounds….interesting. Making you give up things you like because of your brother’s irresponsibility and going as far as to threaten to kick you out if you do them is toxic behavior. It sounds like your mother is an enabler and shields your brother from the consequences of his actions, and probably has for years.
One of the most basic steps when it comes to cooking is to make sure you have all the ingredients in the correct amounts; your brother failed to do this, and it is his fault and his fault only. The fact that your mother responded in such a way is honestly terrible.
I’m sorry that happened to you, OP.” Load_Altruistic
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your parents royally messed up with raising your brother and instead of owning up to that fact and holding him responsible for his mistakes (i.e. racking up large amounts of debt on video games), they’ve just decided to punish and restrict you since they still have control over you even though you have given them no reason to indicate that you will turn out like your brother.
This also has elements of Golden Child/Scapegoat as well as sexism blended in. I understand changing your parenting style from child to child if you see something is not working but if they didn’t want you to become financially irresponsible like your brother, they could have taught you about budgeting, make sure you understood the importance of credit scores and how to avoid predatory lending practices.
Instead, they’ve just decided to remove your financial autonomy which, ironically, might only increase your desire to spend your money irresponsibly once you do finally gain control. The way your parents are going they are going to have one son who is dependent on them because they are always enabling his behavior and one daughter who is either low or no contact once she finally gets her freedom.
Your little brother will be the tiebreaker. NTJ.” InfamousNoise8
6. AITJ For Choosing My Partner Over Attending Family Easter Dinner?
“Last year my (f22) fiance (m24) came out as pansexual. We sat down and we decided we wanted to open up our relationship and allow one guy to be with us.
He’s mostly just my fiance’s best friend with some benefits here and there.
Well a few months ago my dad found out and he accused my fiance of being unfaithful to me and that he was hurting me. And I guess he went and vented to his sister.
I got a message today stating that myself and my partner are not allowed at Easter dinner tomorrow.
I messaged my aunt and she confirmed my suspicions that my dad vented to her. And she stated that I am always welcome and that she loves me but my fiance is not allowed in her house.
This hurt, I’m not going to lie. I have been with him for almost 5 years and we are super happy together.
Am I wrong for telling my aunt that while I appreciate and understand her and my dad’s point, at the end of the day my relationship is my relationship and I’m not going to go somewhere where my partner isn’t welcome.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Not that your family needs to know all the details, but I feel like it would make a huge difference. Without knowing the context (as in, you having an open relationship), it’s quite obvious how your partner looks in their eyes… If he is about to marry you and they see him with another person, it’s quite clear to them that he is unfaithful and they don’t want to be around a person who hurt you (or so they think).
Once again, it’s your personal decision how much you decide to tell your family, but it seems like they didn’t have any malicious intent, it was simply what it seemed to be for them.” No-Jellyfish-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your relationships aren’t their business.
They’re clearly trying to ‘look out for you’ in the absolute worst way possible and frankly, they should trust you to know if you’re happy or not. You are in no way a jerk at all.” noyeahthanks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your relationship is your business.
The only thing that your family needs to be concerned about is that you’re happy and treated with dignity and respect. It’s obvious you are. It may be less than optimal to be cut off from the rest of the family right now, but they’re cutting the ties – not you.
You’ve politely declined to not be where he isn’t welcome, and that is the best option for now. They’ll likely come around in time.” Therx73
5. AITJ For Telling My Unemployed Partner To Be Productive?
“I F(30) have been seeing my partner M(31) for 3 years and we have been living together for 2.
Our relationship has, for the most part, been great & we had been planning a future together.
In December my partner decided to take some time off in between work contracts which I fully supported. Initially, it was only meant to be a few weeks however, it is now April and he has not & shows no intention of getting another contract job anytime soon.
What makes this situation worse is that my partner has spent the last 4 months playing PlayStation/ watching movies and on his phone every hour of every day (literally). He doesn’t help around the house and if he does, he needs to be prompt to do so and will do a quick ‘30 minutes’ and then return to the sofa.
I WFH and I am a very ambitious and hardworking person so seeing my partner act like a teenager is unbelievably frustrating and off-putting. It has taken a toll on our relationship as I am starting to view him as less of a partner and more of a child.
I have tried on a number of occasions to speak to him about this and encourage him to go back to work or at least use the time to be productive (read/learn a new skill and so on) however, he reacts either very defensively or tells me ‘next week’.
Recently, we had a big argument after yet another week of him playing video games to which he told me that he’s happy and I need to stop nagging him and ruining it for him. His argument is that as long as he can pay his pay (he can from savings), I should leave him be.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s cool that he can still pay his share of expenses. But he also needs to do his share of household chores – without you having to beg and plead with him to do so. Taking time off work does not mean he gets to take time off from being a functioning adult and partner.
You are seeing a new side of your partner. While you need to accept that this is part of who they are, you do not need to continue the relationship now that you know that.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, time for a full conversation about expectations.
Paying his side of the bills is great as long as he can from savings, he doesn’t necessarily have to work as long as he is able to do this. However, there is more to earning his keep in the house, tell him what chores you expect him to help with and tell him this needs to be put in place now, it’s not about ruining his fun but about preserving your relationship.
If his fun time is more important than helping you then I think you have your answer as to how important this relationship is to him.” Solaris_0706
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went through this with my ex-husband. You need to have the talk, and you need to be willing to take action if he doesn’t get off his duff.
Or accept him as he is with this being one of the biggest warts of all on his character. And I get that he might, potentially, be struggling to get the lead out now that he’s had some downtime – or be waiting for the right opportunity, but his savings won’t keep him going forever and you can’t be left holding the bag for both of you.
I get the impression there’s little legitimate effort to find a new contracted spot. That’s the most troubling part. If he was really trying to get something, even a part-time something temporarily, it would show at least some level of commitment to returning to work and keeping his savings from going out the door without replenishment.
Best of luck to you, OP. And I hope for your sake that you’ve standards enough to take action if the situation doesn’t change.” modrost-morja
4. AITJ For Reporting My Noisy Neighbors And Their Kid To The Leasing Office?
“My (36f) husband (35m) and I have lived in the same apartment complex for 10 years and never had a problem with other neighbors making noise.
Back in February, we had new neighbors move in above us (we’re on the first floor). It’s a woman, her partner, and her 2ish-year-old son.
The issue is that the parents let the kid stomp and jump anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours every day. It’s annoying. I can deal with the kid crying and screaming because it’s quite muffled and not really audible but I can’t handle the stomping and jumping.
I can literally hear it with my headphones on and the volume turned up. My husband can feel the vibrations from the little boy doing this. It even causes our blinds and wall hangings to shake.
My husband has gone and talked to them twice.
The dad always answers the door. The first time he said sorry there was something wrong with his son (he didn’t elaborate further). The second time my husband went and talked to them, the dad said he should calm down soon as he gave him melatonin.
After talking to them, the noise stops for a few days and they’re right back at it. We’re both getting increasingly frustrated at this and finally told the leasing office. The leasing office called them and talked with them. It kept happening again, so I contacted the leasing office again.
This time the leasing office left a written notice on their door. The mom was livid. She came to our door, husband just missed her as he was using the bathroom. He goes up and talks to her and she says “really, over a kid?” and then shuts the door in my husband’s face.
Now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk. On one hand, yes it is a little kid, but I think that the parents should be more self-aware and not let their kids do that for extended periods of time, especially after we asked them nicely not to do it.
I’m conflicted. I feel like a jerk and I don’t want them to get evicted over this but at the same time, we’ve never had an issue with noisy neighbors before. I just think it’s inconsiderate of them. I feel like a jerk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There can be expected a certain amount of noise from the neighbors, but not that much that even headphones don’t cover it, or that much that it makes stuff in your home vibrate. “It’s a kid” is a lousy excuse – the kid has parents, and it’s the parents’ job to see that the kid doesn’t make any disturbances.
If it cannot be reached, it’s also the parents’ job to move to a location where such disturbance doesn’t bother the neighbors. In a similar way, dogs bark, but if one has a dog that disturbs neighbors, it’s on the owner to come up with a solution, not on the neighbors to tolerate.” Ijustlivehere4awhile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You deserve peace and quiet too. So because he’s a kid, you need to deal with this b.s.? They need to control their kid and be more mindful of their surroundings. They’re not the only ones living in that apartment building, nor should they feel they’re entitled because they have some kid.
They’re lucky you didn’t call the cops on them. They cannot be evicted if their kid makes normal noise at normal hours….HOWEVER! They can be evicted if their kid continues to make unusually loud noises at odd hours for lengthy periods of time.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“I actually think NTJ for the issue – noise issues are meant to be reported to the community management if they can’t be resolved by the residents. However, as others have pointed out, there’s not much else that can be done once you’ve reported it.
Sounds like your building may also have really thin construction and no sound/movement insulation which means anyone moving in upstairs could create noise issues for you and your husband Perhaps you and the couple upstairs could share contact info and let each other know when the noise gets too loud?
Whether it’s an adult doing HIIT in their living room or a kid running around and stomping, apartments have caveats. Shared walls and floors mean everyone should be conscientious. I’ve had to get rugs/carpets and use slippers in my own apartment to minimize the noise from regular walking for downstairs neighbors.
Also creating quiet hours with neighbors so that everyone can sleep late at night, and giving advance warning about workouts or dinner parties Ideally they would try to find a solution with you rather than just ignore and be defensive.” pasifaya
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Family Move In After They Abandoned Me Years Ago?
“About five years ago, my husband was unfaithful to me and then abandoned our family. It was an incredibly difficult time. I was left alone to raise our son, who was just 11 at the time. None of my family members offered any help or support.
We were essentially on our own. The only person who helped us was my father, who was a great support system both emotionally and financially.
When my father passed away two years ago, he left me a significant inheritance. This money allowed me to buy a house and provide a stable and comfortable life for my son and me.
Since my husband left, my son and I have become very close. We’ve been through a lot together, and our bond is incredibly strong. I would do anything for him.
Recently, some of my extended family members have fallen on hard times and asked if they could move in with us.
Given our history, I was initially hesitant. I discussed it with my son, and he was very much against the idea. He remembers how nobody was there for us when we needed them the most and feels strongly that they shouldn’t benefit from our home now.
Understanding his feelings and valuing his comfort, I decided to tell my family that they couldn’t move in with us. Now, they’re upset and accusing me of being selfish and ungrateful. They say that I owe them support because we’re family. I don’t think I’m a jerk and honestly don’t care what they think as long as my baby is happy but I still want to hear other people’s opinions.
So, AITJ for refusing to let my family move in because my son doesn’t want them to, especially considering the way they treated us when we were the ones in need?”
Another User Comments:
“Make it awkward. Send a group text or chat and tell them that you will give them the exact same level of support as you got when your husband was unfaithful and took off and you were left raising a child on your own.
Simple as that, and they will either get the message and leave you alone or start pandering on with excuses. If they start with excuses, I’d go even more petty and use the same excuses back at them. Them: Oh well we didn’t know it was so hard for you and we’re past that now.
You: I didn’t know it was so hard for you, and well, you’ve already lost your house so we’re past that now. Hilarious that they all come out of the woodwork now that you have money. Idiots, all of them. I’d mess with them so badly just because they sound like absolutely awful people.
NTJ though, by a long shot. I will add though, whatever you do, do NOT tell them that it was your son who influenced your decision. He does not need the flying monkeys to start attacking him, and while it is admirable that you sought out his opinion because it’s his home too, don’t throw him under the bus, even by accident, with these people.
They will go for him if they think it was “his fault” they don’t get to exploit you.” theworldisonfire8377
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Where were they when you were down and hurting and needed help? What about their nephew? Seriously, they have some balls to dare accuse you of being selfish.
Actually, you know what, they’re right! And you have the right to be selfish, for the happiness of you and your son. You were both there for each other when the stuff hit the fan and you held strong. Hold strong now! If they can’t figure it out on their own, like you and your son did, that’s not your problem.
If later on, you two find it in your hearts to actually be benevolent to the family that shunned you, Kudos. But don’t do it out of guilt or a sense of obligation. No one owes anyone anything. Wow, that story got me heated because I can personally relate.” UltimatelyCoolDude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When your child, who is also your roommate (in the sense that this is his house, too, and he has a voice in what occurs there) is set against this idea, LISTEN TO HIM. The issue of how unsupportive they were is not even the main concern, from my POV.
The problem is that disregarding his input on this will destroy your relationship because you will be telling him that you care more about these relatives than you care about him. Additionally, it doesn’t sound like there is a firm exit plan for moving these relatives out of your house quickly.
Don’t do it, I’m begging you. My sister tanked her relationships with 2 of her 3 still-at-home kids by disregarding their wishes about moving some relatives in. She ended up having to kick the relatives out very abruptly (causing BIG problems) because her sons were dangerously depressed at what they perceived as their mom favoring others over them.
It didn’t matter how much one-on-one time she spent with them, the outings she planned with her boys or the restrictions she had in place regarding the house guests. Once the perception was in place, their conviction that Mom didn’t care about them has been impossible to shake.” ChocolateCoveredGold
2. AITJ For Leaving After My Friend Invited My Ex Over Without Warning?
“I have a son with my ex.
He didn’t want a child as he wanted to focus on building his business. We broke up and he wrongly assumed I had given up the baby even though I tried contacting him once our son was born.
I ended up moving back home to my dad’s during my pregnancy because I had no other choice.
Things were bad and getting worse. I didn’t want to keep exposing my son to that type of environment so I asked my friend if I could stay with her temporarily so I could move back to the city and get my career back off the ground.
She agreed to let me stay and also promised not to tell my ex I was staying with her. However, once we actually moved in she started trying to convince me to at least talk to him. She said he regretted hurting me but I told her I never wanted to see him again.
She ended up telling him anyway and inviting him over without warning me. I was upset and angry, especially when he tried speaking to my son. We ended up having an argument and I told him he chose money over us so not to pretend he gave a darn about our son now.
My ex said I was being unfair but I don’t think I was.
Both of them tried to convince me to let him help but I was so angry I ended up leaving and ignoring them. They’ve both been texting and calling me trying to find out where I am, both of them claim to be worried, but I’ve continued to ignore them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for this situation, but potentially a jerk in another way. Your friend is a total jerk for inviting your ex without your knowledge and against your permission. That was extremely disrespectful and wrong of her to do. She broke your trust, and I feel that you are perfectly justified to leave as you did.
However, you may be the jerk if you continue to reject your ex’s attempts to communicate with you. If you truly want to support your son in the best way possible, you should speak with him and potentially take the support he is willing to provide.
It appears that you are blocking yourself and your child from him because of how you feel toward him, but you must consider what is best for your son. You don’t appear to be in a good financial situation, and your son would likely benefit from support provided by your ex.
However, this communication must be done on your terms. It was not ok to have your ex’s presence sprung on you while you were unprepared. I would recommend meeting with him in a neutral area (maybe a coffee shop) and discussing how and why he wants to provide support for your child.
You seem like a great parent who is doing all you are capable of to support and protect your child, but I urge you to consider setting up a meeting and discussing your son with your ex.” Hatchid8900
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because they caught you unprepared. However, you absolutely need to sit down with your ex for a rational conversation about support and his involvement with your son.
Regardless of his position when you became pregnant, he does have legal rights in this situation, as do you. You should be getting financial support, and unless your ex was abusive or something, your son has a right to have some sort of relationship with his father.
It would be much better for all of you to work this out together and avoid some long legal battle. I know it’s raw and you’re justifiably angry, but try meeting him somewhere neutral and without your son to discuss what he is proposing.
You might even consider hiring a mediator if you feel the two of you cannot have a civil conversation about the situation.” 2lhasas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you had a safe place to go. How old is your son? Leaving when your friend overstepped her bounds by inviting your ex over seems appropriate.
The whole drama could not have been good for your son. Now that your secret has been exposed, it’s time to be grown up about it. Make arrangements for someone other than this friend of yours to watch your son and agree to meet with your ex in a neutral or public space.
If there is any possibility the baby is someone else’s, come clean. Tell him how even though you were not planning this pregnancy, you really wanted this baby. Let him know truthfully when and by which means you tried to contact him and apologize for not trying very hard.
(You knew you could reach him through friends.) Let him know your fears at the time and your understanding of his feelings toward parenthood. Ask him if that is an accurate representation of his feelings at the time and if they have changed. Remind him that you didn’t seek child support or ask anything of him.
If your ex is sincere about wanting to help out or be a part of his son’s life, he should go through the courts to establish paternity. He has a right to see his son and a responsibility to contribute to his upbringing as a parent.
Time to stop running and hiding. Don’t deprive your son of his father because things didn’t work out between the two of you. Maybe if you forgive him for not wanting to parent when you first got pregnant and he can forgive you for the silly game of cat and mouse, you can come together and co-parent.” GladysKravitz21
1. AITJ For Calling My Friend To Retrieve The Child She Unexpectedly Left With Us?
“My (19F) two friends (20F) and (20M) and I were hanging out in my friend’s apartment.
We were all about to go home after finals.
Our other friend (19F) randomly came over to the apartment with a child (5F) and said she was babysitting her. Then our friend, after an hour, suddenly disappeared and left the girl here.
I called and asked where she went, and why she didn’t bring the girl.
She said she went somewhere for a bit and was just leaving the girl with us.
She didn’t return for several hours, and the girl started asking for food. We didn’t feel like it was good to give the girl junk food for dinner, but we weren’t going to take her out to a restaurant, and none of us know how to cook, so we had to call our friend several times to come get the girl.
Our friend arrived angry, demanding to know why we couldn’t watch the girl for a few hours and had to bother her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck???!!! SHE was babysitting this child. She gave you NO warning that she was leaving the child with you.
YOU were the ones that were BOTHERED. If I were you, I would try to find the identity of that child’s parents and let them know what happened. She should NEVER be allowed to babysit ANYONE!!!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the actual heck?
You should have reported this friend’s negligence to the police, so they could track the parents and make them aware that your friend is completely and selfishly neglecting their child. That’s not okay. And that raises a lot of red flags about what your friend was off doing that was so important.
In case anyone thinks it sounds drastic to suggest reporting this, that’s endangering a child. There’s no telling where else she would potentially drag this child and drop her off to be alone. It’s not her kid. If it was mine, I’d be knocking your friend senseless.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but to be honest your escalation needs stepping up. 1. When you called her the first time, your answer should have been “If you’re leaving this child with me I need their parents’ contact information to check with them.” If she refused your follow-up should have been “I either call the parents or I call the police.” 2.
If she hadn’t given the parents’ contact information, you should have called the police even if your friend came back to claim her. I’m not being funny but you and your housemates got made unwilling accomplices in child endangerment. Whoever this child’s parents are, they NEED to know what their babysitter did.” DazzlingAssistant342
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