People Hope For Magic Fixes In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Move Across The Country After My Husband's Aunt's Death?
“My [36F] husband’s [37F] very close aunt [51F] recently passed away after a year-long battle with a terrible disease. His parents [76M & 72F] are heartbroken — the aunt was my MIL’s much younger sister, who was more like a daughter to her and my FIL.
My husband didn’t necessarily see her as a sister—he has an older sister [40F] who he is much closer to than he was his aunt, who had a lot of problems with heavy drinking and emotional instability—but he acknowledges that his parents feel that way and feels IMMENSE guilt for not being in closer contact with her over the past few years.
He has also resented that his aunt and I never got along (for lack of character count: she was not nice to me and he acknowledged this previously.) He has implied some blame on my part for the wedge between them.
In the wake of this devastating loss, his parents and sister want us to move back to their area, which is directly across the country from where we live.
My husband is also guilty of not being there during his aunt’s final months (other than a few visits on weekends), so he is inclined to do what his family asks.
I am opposed to this move for a few reasons:
1. My husband’s job is here.
He is in a specialized field and it wouldn’t be easy to find a new job, especially in a different state. Meanwhile, I am a stay-at-home mom of our daughter (7F). If my husband quits his job, we’ll have zero income. We have robust savings that could get us through ~6 months, but using them to upend our lives seems potentially irresponsible.
2. Part of why I’m still a SAHM is because our daughter has social-emotional struggles. She’s suspected of ADHD, with a diagnosed panic disorder. She has finally settled into a nice routine at school and home. I’m very concerned that a sudden major move, ripping her away from her known routine, friends, and safe places will set us back months in her progress.
3. His family is devastated, but they don’t have an acute “need” for help that we could provide. They want the comfort of their son nearby, which I sympathize with, but I don’t think it’s a good enough reason to, again, upend our life again.
4. I’ve always heard you shouldn’t make big changes during the first year of grief.
My rejection of this idea has upset my husband, and he’s barely speaking to me right now. He’s been withdrawn and cold.
At the same time, my SIL sent me a harsh text message, ripping me apart for being so selfish in the face of their overwhelming grief.
She says my parents have gotten enough time with us (they live in the same city we do now), and it’s my husband’s side of the family’s “turn.” But my reasons for not wanting to move across the country have nothing to do with my extended family; it’s for my nuclear family’s stability.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—this does not even make sense. Adults do not drop their lives, uproot kids from school, or quit their jobs in emotional times, especially during tragedies. Death is a natural part of life, and we will all have to deal with it.
Though no one will handle it stellarly, guilt and pain are the worst relocation advisers I can think of.” yago1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Advocate for your daughter. My condolences to your husband’s family but life is for the living. Your husband’s priority should be his daughter, not his parents or his sister.
It’s in your daughter’s best interest to stay where you are. Full stop. She’s the priority.” Remarkable_Duck_2714
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your immediate family’s needs (financial, job stability, personal stability for your daughter) are more important than his parents’ need for comfort. If it were me, I would give up a family vacation this year and tell my husband to use his PTO for an extended visit with his parents.
They will get the time together that they want, but it’s likely some of the expectations of what it would feel like to live close would be tempered in the process.” JeepersCreepers74
20. AITJ For Swearing And Disciplining My Nieces After They Broke Glasses?
“I’ll start by saying I love my nieces (7F twins, wife’s sister’s children) but they’re challenging.
Two weeks ago the whole family took them to the theater. After the movie, we decided to go for coffee, got sweets for them and coffee for us, each cup had a shot glass of sparkling water, actual glass not plastic.
One of my nieces sat next to me and started playing with empty shot glasses, spinning them on their side and stacking them up. I said stop, said she could break those and get hurt. She kept on, I told her to stop again, and so did her mother.
I took the glasses from her.
She moved to her father’s side on the other end of the table, across from my wife. Went at it again with empty glasses over there. BIL did nothing. I told her to stop from afar, she stacked them.
My wife was worried it would break as it was pretty unstable, told her niece to stop, and tried to take them away but the stack collapsed, 2 glasses hit the floor and broke. At least nobody was hurt.
SIL scolded my niece, and BIL said it wasn’t my niece, it was my wife’s fault.
SIL apologizes to my niece and jokingly scolds my wife.
I didn’t think it was funny and asked what do you meant by “my wife’s fault”. The niece was told to stop multiple times by different people, had glasses taken from her, and went to get more but you just sat there.
My wife tried to take those away before anyone got hurt and it’s her fault?
BIL says my wife touched it last, which pushed me over. I said, “This isn’t flipping Jenga”. The way I see it, it doesn’t matter who touched it last, niece should have stopped it when told to.
If anything it was BIL’s fault for not doing anything after the niece didn’t heed others. BIL and SIL both got cross with me, hadn’t heard from them since.
The wife says her sister and BIL talked to her and expect me to apologize for swearing in front of the girls and for judging how they raised them and that our invitation to niece’s birthday party next month is pending my apology.
Wife says I’m the jerk: they’re not my kids to discipline, it didn’t bother her to be blamed and she wants to go to the party; I should just admit I’m wrong and say sorry. My wife’s parents were there at the time, they think I was right and are glad someone said it, but won’t get involved as they can’t risk being uninvited.
I’m going to apologize anyway so my wife goes to the party. I still don’t think I’m the jerk, but maybe I overdid it (suppose I shouldn’t swear in front of children). My patience is running out with my nieces’ terrible behavior though and their parent’s leniency, but they’re barely 7 and I don’t have kids so what do I know?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Foul words can slip out of my mouth fairly frequently, I get it. However, if you’re around children, you should do your best to refrain from using such language especially if that language is not used in and around their home in their daily lives.
It’s not fair for you to speak in such a way if the parents try to shelter their kids from that kind of language. As for the glasses though, your wife should not have been blamed. I applaud you for standing up for her. While I am a firm believer in not disciplining other people’s children, I do believe the parents are in the wrong here.
You are in a public establishment with property that is fragile. They should not have been playing with the glasses in the first place.” TheSunAndScooby124
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here Did your wife knock the glass stack over, or what? You worked hard not to say so.
You tried to stop a behavior, but the parents allowed it. At the point she went and did it on her dad’s side you two should have stopped trying to intervene with the kid. You should have asked her parents to stop her. Your BIL/SIL sound crappy, but you can’t control that.
And it sounds like your attempts to help not only caused exactly what you feared….you dropped the F-bomb in front of young kids.” UrbanDryad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you probably should’ve maintained the boundary of not cursing in front of the kids (assuming that’s a boundary that’s been set out previously) you didn’t do anything wrong by scolding the kids.
I would apologize to BIL and SIL for that, and *only* that. They need to discipline their kids. You shouldn’t have needed to step in at all, but you did for the good of everyone. Emotions happen, and stuff slips out, and that’s a thing to apologize for.
On top of that, you probably need to talk to your wife about letting her sister and BIL walk all over her so she can see her nieces. Sounds like SIL is using them as leverage so that you both behave however they want.” Important_One_8729
19. AITJ For Refusing To Co-Sign An Apartment Lease For My Unreliable Friend?
“So about a year ago me(22) and my fiancée (now wife) (20) were looking for a place to get out of my mother’s house. My friend was in a bad place and asked if he could move in with us when we found a place, I asked my wife if she was ok with it and she said that she was.
After we found a place and he moved in we set the ground rules that if he was staying with us he needed to help with rent. (Which was about 400 per person) and he did. After working for about 3 months he met his current partner and a couple of months after that asked if she could move in with us.
We said we didn’t have a problem with it she just had to help with rent and utilities, which she obliged, a couple of months went by and there were no real issues they kind of just did their own thing and stayed in their room.
(The only issue was that she never helped with cleaning the apartment or cooking)
He quit his job about 2 months after she moved in after leaving me, his partner, and, my wife to pay the rent while he stayed at home playing video games.
When it was time for the lease to be renewed we all sat down together and I asked if they were going to stay through the next lease term.
They said they would and we left it at that, the next day I was at work and he texted me saying that when I got home he wanted to talk.
When I got home he informed me that his partner missed her family and wanted to go live with them again (they live just 10 minutes away) and she wanted him to go with her.
I told him that we just had the conversation about renewing and that if they left it would be hard on us to pay the rent since we were planning our wedding.
He said that he would help us if they moved out (which they didn’t) and when he moved out that was kind of the end of it all for a bit.
About 2 months ago he called me out of the blue and asked me if I would co-sign on an apartment for him. I told him that I didn’t know because I already had this apartment in my name and that if they didn’t pay I wouldn’t have the money to pay for theirs.
I don’t know if I am the jerk for not helping him after he told me one thing and changed his mind the next day.
Side note: When it was time for my wedding I called him and asked if he was going to be there since he was one of the groomsmen and he said that he couldn’t unless I picked him up and dropped him off after.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His behavior involving your wedding seems irrelevant to me. What is relevant is that you were unable or unwilling to assume the risk of his failing to fulfill the terms of his apartment lease. His not living up to his promise of helping you, though he had promised to do so, suggests that you made the right call.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This doesn’t pass the smell test. They moved out to live with her family and now they need a co-signer? Did fam kick them out because the friend has become a dead-beat living off GF or did GF kick him out for the same reason?
If so, why didn’t he ask if he could stay with you again? This sounds like a friend is running a scam so he can continue his plan of living off of other people’s dime. He knows you’ll not be happy if he’s not covering rent.
Now he is working on legally making it your dime. This would be a hard NO for me. Friend’s proven himself untrustworthy financially. Oh, and can you just arrange a friend an Uber for the wedding?” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“Co-signing is universally a bad idea.
He has not demonstrated any financial stability or maturity. He has been a flake in the past and is likely to be a flake in the future. And then YOU will be stuck with paying his rent. Do Not Cosign anything. And if he can’t find a way to get from his place to and from the wedding venue, he should probably just stay home.
A grown-up human should be able to figure it out for themselves. You may need to replace him at the wedding party or just do without his presence.” No-Stress-5285
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom Over Household Chores?
“I’m 19, still living at home with my parents and two younger brothers.
I graduated high school last year and took a gap year because I was unsure of what to do (still am lol). I decided to start studying and stay at home to save money so I can hopefully move away next year.
The past year I did some volunteering, internships, traveling, working, and whatever you do during a gap year.
I was only at home for about 6 months and during that time I helped a lot with the household. Of course, I always helped with basic chores, but now that I had more time I started cooking for my family more often and also tidying/cleaning around the house.
I was never asked to do this, I feel like it’s just what is fair because not everybody gets to do what I did this past year. Also, as the oldest daughter, I was of course raised to take on responsibility. It’s something I’ve been struggling with as I realized that my people-pleasing comes from that.
My brothers also rarely do any chores, and if they do them, it’s only because someone asks/forces them to. Every time I complained about that in the past, my parents brushed it off or laughed, because “What did you expect, they’re boys!”
Anyways, this led to me carrying some resentment about this whole affair.
Now the other day, I was in the kitchen again, cleaning after I cooked lunch. My mum came in to get something and saw me cleaning a pan or whatever I was doing. She then nagged me for doing it wrong. She does that a lot and I hate it so much because I’m the only person in this household doing stuff they aren’t asked to do and then I’m told I do it wrong.
Usually, I just nod and try not to let it get to me, because it won’t help, but this time I got so angry. I yelled back that I hate it when she comments on everything I do. I said it’s annoying and uncalled for and if I always do everything the wrong way then maybe she should start doing it.
I felt immediately bad because also I knew my mum always did everything when we were younger and now she’s the only one who actually does chores apart from me, so I feel like my anger was misdirected. Of course, it wasn’t in the sense that she is still the one criticizing me when I’m just trying to help, but I’m mainly angry that nobody else ever thinks of helping.
Anyway, I still feel bad for yelling and calling my mum annoying. AITJ for doing so and especially AITJ for even feeling like this or am I just complaining about nothing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because your mother tells you you’re doing things wrong a lot, I think in this case yelling was wafer her to see how her words affect you emotionally.
And it’s also reasonable to be resentful if others who are capable do not pitch in and help. Some of that is just your reality. You have to deal with though.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“You must be so frustrated, I completely understand why you yelled. Yelling at someone is never really ok though.
Ideally, you would have stayed calm and set some boundaries with Mom. With that said, at 19 I would have yelled too! It sounds like a pretty extreme situation though and I understand your extreme reaction.” Fearless_Hippo_1913
Another User Comments:
“I do get the frustration when someone who isn’t doing something tells you how to do it.
It drives me bonkers, and it happens with dishes specifically in my house. That being said, it’s not your house, it’s hers, and your anger was misdirected. This doesn’t seem like anything too big of a deal, just speak openly and honestly and I’m sure it’ll be fine.” cndnsportsfan
17. AITJ For Advising My Friend To Not Rush Into A New Relationship?
“I [F34] have been close friends with Lucy, [F32], for over a decade. We’ve worked together nearly as long and live just down the street from each other. I care about her deeply and have been worried about her lately.
Lucy met her husband Mike [M37] about three years ago. Things seemed fine at first, but after about a year, Lucy started to show signs of depression. Then she announced she was pregnant and getting engaged. I was happy for her because she’s always wanted kids and is great with her daughter, but Mike never quite sat right with me or my husband.
Our feelings about him only grew over time, as Lucy became more miserable and he seemed to care less and less. Lucy seemed to brighten up only when she was with friends or laughing at work, but there was a sadness about her that wasn’t typical.
Since their baby arrived, she’s been overwhelmed. Mike doesn’t help much at home, preferring to watch sports and hang out with friends, leaving Lucy to handle everything. Without the support of her parents and us, she’d be completely stretched.
However, recently, I noticed Lucy was more cheerful and always on her phone.
She’d light up with every notification, clearly excited by someone she was talking to.
When I asked her about it, she told me she’d been chatting with Dave [M38]. They started talking on Reddit about a year ago after an innocent post comment.
They kept chatting but in recent months their conversations have become a daily thing. Even though they’re in different countries, they’re staying up late and waking up early just to talk.
She’s let me read most of their messages, which are mostly just friendly and supportive, with some light flirting, but nothing explicit.
Lucy’s smitten with Dave. She’s happier now than I’ve seen her in a long time. They seem to share similar ideals, music tastes, hobbies, and dreams for the future.
She’s talked to me before about moving back to her childhood home, which is quite rural. I don’t think she’s said this to Dave, but I can see he has mentioned he’d like a similar lifestyle eventually.
Yesterday on the ride to work, Lucy told me she wanted to leave Mike, move back home, and invite Dave to come live with her and start a relationship.
I’m torn. I don’t want her to move away, but if it’s what’s best for her, I’d support it.
However, I felt this is all too fast.
I suggested she should deal with leaving Mike first, get herself settled, and then see about meeting Dave in person before making any big decisions.
Lucy seemed hurt by my response and said she expected more support from me.
She’s been distant since then and I woke up just now to a text saying she’d be late to work today so don’t worry about car sharing.
I feel like I might’ve overstepped, but wasn’t wrong to be concerned, was I?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here what you said is correct, what she’s suggesting is a terrible idea, and I think it’s good you tried to reality-check her. Unfortunately, when people are in a super excitable state like Lucy they aren’t going to take too kindly to having their bubble burst Lucy has gone a long time in a bad relationship and probably not had much to smile about for a long while. So now, that she has something to smile over she’s going to be sensitive to anyone who seems to disapprove You’re not a jerk for saying what you said, you just need to expect that people aren’t going to love you for saying what they don’t want to hear.
Don’t make her feel bad for distancing herself, just remind her you’re there for her” SgbAfterDark.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No you’re very reasonable in what you said. However, I spent a long time in a bad relationship, it screws with my head over time and I can see why she is excited. I can understand.
From the little bit you’ve put that you’ve read, maybe she and Dave would be well suited to each other, but without spending any real time together in person they can’t know that for sure. She should leave Mike first if things are like that, then they should spend some time together, she should go visit him, and he should come visit her.
Get an idea of who each person is. She’s probably so excited she was expecting you to be excited for her too and was shocked/deflated when you were not. She’ll come around I’m sure. I hope it has a happy ending for you all either way.” Agile_Storm978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you genuinely care for Lucy and just want her to make careful, thought-out decisions. There’s a lot on the line especially since she has a daughter. Leaving Mike and jumping straight into another relationship, especially with someone from another country whom she hasn’t met in person is a big leap.
Taking the time to focus on herself and her daughter before making major life changes is the reasonable thing to do. I don’t think you were wrong to voice your concerns even if she didn’t take it well” chillcherry
16. AITJ For Opting Out Of Christmas Due To High Gift Costs?
“My partner and I have an 8-year-old daughter together, and his family is HUGE into Christmas. Most of his family though lives in another state and for the last 3 Christmas we have traveled to Texas to celebrate with them.
Other than our daughter there is only one other teenage boy in the family. The rest are adults. They have always done big Christmas, with a ton of gifts for everyone and I’d say I spend like 2-4k total for all 10/11 people each year which is a financial burden I’ve never liked but have chalked up to it just being the way it is.
They have always been kind to me, but it’s also very clear that I’m an outsider as I’m the only one not related or married into the family. They aren’t rude but I never feel super comfortable there and often get anxious I try to make the most for our daughter and again they aren’t unkind so it’s whatever – I want to add that I didn’t celebrate Christmas growing up and I don’t care much about it generally but I like our daughter gets to do it with her family and enjoy the holidays.
This year though things are different: my partner’s sister had a baby this year and his ex-step-brother ( who was estranged for the last 6/7 years) is now back in the picture with 2 kids. (ages 2/4) these kids live near us but I’ve never met them neither has my partner but his mom is regularly involved and is planning to bring them to Christmas.
So now it went from 2 kids to shop for to 5 kids (2 of which I’ve never met, not related to at all, who is only an ex-step-brother of my partner’s, and they aren’t even close and live with their mother full time).
Everyone has decided this year to not buy gifts for the adults and only buy presents for the children.
With a limit for each child. We also now have to take 2 cars on the trip there and back and I’m going to be stuck driving one of them when typically, my partner and his mom take turns(15-hour drive). I feel as though this is all too much for a holiday that I don’t even like to celebrate or hold meaning to and I don’t like that I have to buy twice as many gifts now to adjust for 2 children I don’t know at all and a baby.
Not to mention the added stress of now 5 kids in one home, with 9 adults. It all seems too much and I honestly want to tell them all that I’m opting out on Christmas this year (out of 8 Christmases only done the last 3, so I haven’t always gone but the first 3 years my partner and I were separated)but I’m worried that it will make everyone dislike me or that I’m being selfish and in the wrong here.
Am I the jerk, how do I handle this???”
Another User Comments:
“I won’t judge this, but rather offer my pov. Christmas is very important in our family, especially for my mum. We don’t have that many people over anymore, but when I was a kid there were so many people that we did adults’ dinner and kids’ dinner separately, so everyone would fit.
I hate big gatherings. I’ve opted out of many birthdays, celebrations, whatever. I dislike people, I especially dislike people I’m not fully “at home” with. I would never skip Christmas. Ever. It would be the ultimate sin to miss it. My brother is married and they split Christmas (first our place, then SIL’s family’s place), and though I would understand if they couldn’t come every Christmas… I would judge them for it, my brother more than my SIL, but still.
And if SIL didn’t go to her family’s place, she just stayed at home. There would be words. I get where you’re coming from, I do, and that’s why I can’t say you’d be the jerk. And when it comes to the money I think you as a family (you and your partner) should go with what you can afford.
If someone has an issue with it, then they’re the jerk. However I feel like not going, would make you even more of an outsider than you already are. ETA: I read your comment about every individual buying gifts. That’s a bit peculiar. I’d say set a budget with your partner and then put it in half and buy what you can with it.
Or buy bigger presents and say it’s from your family, daring to go a little against the tradition.” CinderellaGoneCrazy
Another User Comments:
“You and your partner should have started your own Christmas traditions at home. And what about your family? Do you see them at Christmas?
In any case, it’s all too much to do every year, I can only agree. If your partner cannot simply stay with you and your daughter for the holidays at home, you can forego the fuss. If his family cannot see how inconvenient it is to be expected to do this every Christmas, then they are pretty blind.
If anyone asks why you chose not to go, you can tell the truth, it’s a long trip, the expectations around gift-giving are too onerous and you will enjoy it more if you don’t go every year.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to be a bit harsh here – but have you sat down with your partner and talked through how financially unfeasible this is for you?
That is a RIDICULOUS amount to spend on presents unless you are well off and even then, it just seems like it’s a bit ick to me. If you haven’t talked to him then YTJ. If you just opt out without talking through this, then YTJ.
But honestly, NTJ for not wanting to spend that much money. That’s just ridiculous.” Big-Cloud-6719
15. AITJ For Refusing To Ask My FIL Directly For Permission To Have My SIL Over?
“I (24M) and my wife (23F) wanted to have her sister (10F) over for a sleepover since she’s been asking to stay over a for while now.
A bit of background is that may be important. FIL is a very conservative Christian and her family lives in a small town about an hour away from where we live.
We asked MIL a couple of weeks ago if she could stay over, and there was no issue. My wife went alone to pick up her sister, but first, she wanted to do some other things in the town. On her way there, my wife gets a message from her mom asking if we asked her dad because he’s upset we didn’t ask him directly.
My wife then calls me asking what to do and we conclude that we shouldn’t pick up her sister. My logic was that he was not ok with it otherwise he would raise no objections when his wife told him. It kinda of felt like he wanted us to call him so either he could tell us no, or so he would feel in charge.
We have played that dance before and didn’t want to do it again. We felt bad because, at the end of the day, the person who was hurt was the sister, but we wanted to stand our ground.
So we called MIL in the evening and she said she was coming into town the next day (Sunday) and might be able to get permission from her husband to take the sister, her husband was “thinking about it” (We still haven’t called FIL and don’t plan on it).
It was inconvenient for us since we cleared our Saturday for the sleepover assuming we could get chores done on Sunday. So at 10 in the morning (2 hours before they would arrive), MIL texted me that the sister was coming. It felt last minute to me and almost like we couldn’t say no without being the bad guys.
So anyway sister gets dropped off and we spend the day with her. I asked MIL about the problems yesterday and she said that her husband didn’t us to watch any movies (he’s talking about showing her kids movies like Disney or whatever) with the sister.
So obviously I asked why he didn’t text us or something and I didn’t get an answer. Then I asked how long in advance did she tell her husband that we were taking the sister and she said a few days in advance so I asked her why the problem only came as my wife was driving to pick up her sister.
Again no real answer.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Does MIL have no say in raising her children? Even if he is a Christian, God tells men to love their wives as they love themselves. This man is just an egotistical self-serving jerk using God as his walking stick.
This is on the verge of an abusive relationship and you can be sure the child is also being bullied by this man in the name of God. A real Christian values family values a child, values a wife, and treats them better than they want to be treated” BGS2204.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you handled this perfectly. Going forward, now you should probably ask them both at the same time- MIL and FIL- and then let them sort out the response and what happens next. FIL wants to feel in control of all the situations, and that doesn’t work retroactively, and good for you to not cave to the absurdity of two adult partners BOTH needing to give separate permission for something when it should be safe to assume they can speak to each other and decide what their kid does, and one of them should communicate that to you.
But now, going forward, just ask them both, over text or in person, and if one responds, that is good enough.” fruitfly
14. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Friend's Last Minute Movie Plan Change?
“Me (21F), Sophia (22F), and Beatrice (21F) who are friends from middle school, befriended Reanne (22F) last year, who shares an interest in a particular anime franchise with us.
As it was announced last year that a movie would be produced, we agreed to attend the movie premiere weekend together and cosplay as the main characters. We purchased cosplays together and created a group chat. Outside of this, we were not particularly close and understood that Reanne had her friends/commitments, and she often took weeks to reply to our texts.
Two weeks ago, the movie was announced in our country, and I asked on the group chat if we were free to watch it during the premiere weekend. Beatrice said that she was busy and would not be watching with us, while Sophia said she was free both days, so we agreed on Saturday tentatively.
After 5 days, as Reanne did not reply, I pinged her and asked if she would be coming, but she did not reply to that as well. Two days later (a week before the Saturday of the movie) I purchased two tickets with Sophia and sent the receipt in the group chat.
Two days before the movie, Reanne replied and said that she had been busy with other friends, and apologized for her late reply. She said that she was not free on Saturday and asked if we could get tickets for Sunday instead. As I felt that she was not respectful of my time, I did not reply, and neither did Sophia.
After the movie on Saturday, we replied that we had already watched the movie and cosplayed as a duo, and asked her to attend on Sunday herself.
She called me immediately after and asked if we minded going with her tomorrow, as she was embarrassed cosplaying alone.
I told her that many girls cosplayed on their own (the cosplay is not revealing or particularly outstanding), and that I would prefer not to watch the same movie two days in a row. I asked if she would mind watching in two weeks, and we could go with Beatrice as well.
She said that she would not want to be the only cosplayers attending, and insisted on us going tomorrow, saying that I was disrespecting her as I left her behind in the planning. I told her that if she did not reply for more than ten days, she could not expect to be included or have her time respected. She then called me a jerk and hung up.
She called Sophia and told her the same thing, and Sophia just told her no and hung up. Beatrice told us that we had no obligation to go with Reanne but that we could have been nicer, and asked us to apologize. I refused, as did Sophia, and we just closed the group chat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being “busy with friends” isn’t an excuse for not responding to multiple messages over ten days. Reanne was rude for not responding and was entitled to expect you to change your plans or attend twice. She’s lucky you replied at all and you don’t have anything to apologize for.” Queasy-Sport-7234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made plans, gave Reanne ample time to respond, and even reminded her. It’s unreasonable for her to expect you to change plans last minute, especially when she hasn’t communicated for over a week. You were respectful of her time, but she didn’t show the same courtesy.” Chance-Owl-6461
13. AITJ For Telling My Brother He Shouldn't Have Gotten A Kitten?
“I (18) have been at odds with my brother (16) for almost 2 months. Towards the beginning of the school year, he has been wanting a kitten. But I told him that it wasn’t a good idea and to wait until he graduates or moves out so he can properly care for one.
He got one anyway. At the time he got her, he had at least $500 to get anything the kitten needed but instead spent it all on food, games, and going out with friends. He also keeps his room so cold to the point that you get goosebumps from a few minutes of standing in there.
I told him that that wasn’t good for a 3-week-old kitten and asked him to at least turn down the air. Instead, he blocked up the staircase (we live in the attic) and left her in the hall so he didn’t have to.
Of course, I wasn’t going to let her be in the hallway so she’s been living in my room.
I went and set up everything she needed and watched her throughout the day because I did my classes from home. When classes started for him he’d come home and she would run out to greet him and he would step over her and get on his game.
I noticed this and said that if he isn’t going to spend time with his kitten then he can at least do her food, water, litter, and take her on the weekends. He did not instead he took the litter box I made for her, and she ended up ruining my rug, graduation gown, clothing, cover, etc. I had enough and went and stood in his room for 3 hours until I finally got him to buy her some litter.
When it did come he just left everything in the hall and I had to set it up.
Also, both of our cats ended up getting fleas (yes we had a cat before he got one) I told him about it. And he shrugged me off.
I had to do the flea treatment on both of them by myself and my arms and hands got scratched up but at least I haven’t seen more on them. He also has been saying almost daily that he hates me because the cat likes me more.
But he tosses her in my room any time she goes near him. My sister asked me what was wrong last night and I broke down and told her and said that he shouldn’t have gotten the kitten. And as I’m talking to her he comes down upset and says that if I watch her is a problem I don’t need to take care of the cat. He stormed off after and hasn’t said a word to me since But when I went upstairs and closed my door.
She was outside my door crying not even 5 minutes later. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sucks. A little tip if you can’t afford the flea treatment next time: buy a bag of oranges and boil the peels, let them cool off then wipe them down with a rag (using the peel water of course) the citric acid in those peels will melt through those fleas.
Good for at least a month.” User
Another User Comments:
“So I am calling BS on this. 3 weeks old? Yeah, I will take things that didn’t happen. Not to mention you would not put flea treatment on a 3-week-old. So OP was abusing the kitten.
The kitten would not be using a litter box it would still need mamma to clean it.” Catlady0329
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m the eldest of five and have been parentified since age 11 to the point where I’m now 23 and can’t be near my siblings or family without having panic attacks or growing extremely agitated. I’ve also lost jobs because of my feelings of guilt and obligation towards them.
Based on your comments I’m gonna say this LEAVE. They are breaking you and you won’t realize how much until you’re out of there and you’re going to want as much time as possible as young as possible to get better and recover.
If they needed you to stay for money they’d treat you better. Just go. You owe them nothing you didn’t ask to be born or have siblings.” Miserable-Athlete-37
12. AITJ For Cutting Off My Favoritist Family After They Disrespected My Fiancé And Child?
“My brother is 4 years older than me and growing up my mom would always favor him more. She told me when I was 13 years old that my brother was the golden child and I was the silver child.
She bought my brother a brand new truck for HS graduation, but I didn’t get anything; my mom paid for some of my brother’s wedding, paid for their first down payment on their first rented house, and has ALWAYS been obsessed with my brother’s sons.
When they were born she has been with them since day one (she keeps them every day instead of them going into daycare). When my son was born she insisted that he wasn’t old enough to want to visit and that he was “boring” because he was so young.
Mind you she lived 5 minutes away while my brother lived 4 towns over 25 minutes away. She may be visited 2 times during his first year of life and every other time she’s seen him has been by my actions and me going to her house.
My mom missed my son opening presents on his first birthday and my brother was an hour late when he said he was going to come early because they had plans later that day (ended up staying maybe 45 minutes and missed presents too).
I never let any of this bother me until I had to go out of state trip for my cousin’s bachelorette trip. My partner had to work overnight unexpectedly so my mom was the only person who could keep my son. I tried calling them to talk to my son at 3:00 PM and my mother blocked my number and wouldn’t let me speak to my son until 7 PM that day.
As I was blowing up everyone’s phone, EVERYONE sided with my mom and wouldn’t answer my calls. After that, I made a rule that my mother was no longer to keep my son. She didn’t apologize or speak to me for a whole two months.
I finally reached out to my brother and scheduled a lunch and they both apologized to me.
Fast forward two weeks my partner PROPOSED to me at an event my mother and brother weren’t invited to. My mother brother AND stepdad have all blocked my number and socials because they weren’t there.
I decided to go over there after church one Sunday and they answered the door screaming at my fiancé, who was holding my son, and me that we were all dead to them and they didn’t want to see us again. AITJ for not inviting them?
Should I never reach out again? I just can’t do it anymore idk I needed to vent. She also forgot my 25th birthday lol. Am I overreacting? Is family forever AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“Sweetheart I don’t know how else to get you to understand those people do not love you nor respect you.
Please cut them out not only for your healing but also so that your child does not have to deal with being second best to anyone. They’ve already shown you more ways than one that they don’t even like you please stop doing this to yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Whether you maintain contact, or go no contact you will still experience the same toxic behavior. They will hurt you, and it will affect your child !!! If you go no contact they will continue to hate you—-the difference is that you’re not subject to vitriolic behavior!!!
You would be the jerk for maintaining contact. Your family has repeatedly demonstrated their feelings—believe them as they are jerks!!! OP don’t subject your beautiful family to their behavior!!! I know it hurts, and I also know it goes against your heart (belief in the family) however they have demonstrated again and again they do not value you or your family!” lifevisions
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like you’ve faced a lot of favoritism and hurt from your family. You’re not overreacting to setting boundaries, especially when it comes to your child’s well-being. Your mom’s behavior, including blocking your calls and neglecting your child, was disrespectful and hurtful.
Choosing not to invite them to your engagement event, given their history, seems like a reasonable decision. It’s important to protect your emotional health and your relationship with your child. Sometimes, stepping back from toxic family dynamics can be necessary for your peace of mind….” clairemonas147
11. AITJ For Refusing To Watch Photos/Videos Of A Wedding I Wasn't Invited To?
“I heard through the grapevine that one of my first cousins on my dad’s side (his sister’s child) was getting married. It had been planned for months, but neither I (30F) nor my dad got an invitation.
Another uncle (her uncle as well) did get invited and went to the wedding out of town, but we were snubbed.
No one, including this first cousin’s siblings (my first cousins as well), said anything to us – we only heard through word of mouth from other extended family members.
Keep in mind that my dad has a huge family of about 9 brothers and sisters plus their children, etc.
I saw this cousin last year when I attended her dad’s funeral, and we’ve talked periodically since then. As a child, she used to visit us and we always took her around, hosted her, etc. So I’m not a stranger to her.
She has a reputation for being selfish and spoiled (not the good kind – disrespectful and demanding), so when I found out that I wasn’t invited – I was like “screw that then”
I don’t have any issues with her otherwise but my extended family can be mean-spirited at times.
My other aunt was invited to the wedding and told months in advance, but couldn’t make it.
The day after the wedding, she messaged me saying that she would send me the wedding video link.
A YT video link was created for streaming…but my cousin nor her mom or anyone planning the wedding called to give us an invite or tell us about the date.
I’m sitting here thinking “I wasn’t invited, so why are you sending me a link to sit and watch a wedding that I was excluded from?”
I got mad and told her – “Thank you for reaching out to me but I’m not interested in viewing the wedding”.
Then she told me “Ok, I know it’s still a difficult time for you, I will send you photos instead”
It’s not a difficult time for me per se, but ever since my parents divorced, there’s been a pattern of me being left out of family events and gatherings even though I live in the same area as most of them.
It’s neither here nor there, but I’ve moved on for the most part with my life and career.
Then I told her – “My storage is quite full, I don’t want photos either”
Isn’t it kinda weird and rude to send photos/videos of a wedding to a family member who was not invited?
What was my aunt thinking? She knew my dad and I weren’t invited because we told her beforehand.
I don’t feel entitled to be a guest at anyone’s wedding, yet if I’m not invited or wanted there AND treated as an afterthought, I don’t care to engage or have anything with the couple.
My mom thinks I shouldn’t have said anything and let it go, but I think I had a right to stand my ground.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Instead of saying your storage is full, try saying that you’ve no interest in looking at photos of a wedding you weren’t invited to.
That phrasing of your aunts makes it sound like someone- the cousin maybe or her parents- thought they weren’t supposed to invite you two for some reason. Finding out what that is might be useful to your relationships going forward. Sounds like they have reason to believe you’re not doing well.
Could they have thought you wouldn’t be able to afford the trip, or are you in mourning yourself? Direct communication might be helpful.” JollyJeanGiant83
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like a lie was given to the rest of the family about why you and your dad would not be attending.
I would ask your aunt what she means by you having a difficult time and setting the record straight about not being invited to the wedding.” Liu1845
10. AITJ For Finally Standing Up To My Controlling Mother-In-Law?
“My husband and I are in our early 30s, married for a few years but together for 11.
Throughout this time we often argued due to my ILs behavior specifically MIL. There are many examples I could make, but to sum it up she has been controlling not only to my husband but also to me, even going as far as pressuring my husband to make me do what she wanted regarding situations that didn’t concern her at all, disrespectful towards me, overall invasive and demanding.
You name it. The only thing she has not done is directly insult me to my face.
I kept telling my husband I was over their behavior and to put a stop to it, but he never really acted decisively so MIL never really stopped.
Time after time I would put up a happy front and bite my tongue not to cause drama, but because everything just keeps piling up I’m always on the verge of blowing up whenever I’m around them. I told my husband I’d like to limit contact at least for a while but he insists we go visit.
My husband is also aware of how much I’m affected by this.
Anyway, we meet up and MIL starts with her usual antics, I stay quiet until I’ve had enough and start talking back to her. I did not insult her but I wouldn’t let anything slide like I usually do and highlighted every inappropriate or invasive comment.
She is surprised and asks me what came onto me, I never acted like this, and so on. In a fit of rage (I wasn’t yelling and I spoke calmly and slowly, but my emotional state was crystal clear, you couldn’t mistake it for a lighthearted remark) I told her she’s been disrespecting me for years and this is what she’s getting now, and she made her bed so she should just lay in it.
Things got tense and we left. I’m upset but finally feel liberated for standing up for myself, my husband seems torn, and MIL is obviously livid. My husband has now said that he agrees and understands my emotional state on the matter but also wants to keep the peace and just apologize.
I refused and said I would only be open to revisit the relationship if I see some change and effort to at least be cordial and mutually respectful and I absolutely will not apologize for anything I said because I mean it and would do it again.
I reminded him that he had many chances to stand up to them and that I also said no one involved would enjoy it if I had to stand up for myself, and he never took me seriously. I also said I never insulted her or yelled at her, so apologizing for my reaction to her comments sounds incredibly backward.
AITJ for what I said and for not budging on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for this moment, but you’ve been treating yourself poorly for years by staying with a man who is willing to sit by silently while you are being treated disrespectfully, and asks you to take the poor treatment to keep the peace.
Why did you marry him before this got resolved? At least at this point, you don’t have kids. If he does want kids, then find a good counselor and insist on establishing boundaries with the ILs before you bring a baby into this toxic family.
” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! You are 1000% correct. Do NOT budge on this. Good for you and your shiny spine, OP. Your husband digging in his heels and refusing to resolve this with his mother is making it so much worse. This is not on you to continue to be treated poorly to “keep the peace.” It is ultimately on your MIL to treat her son and daughter-in-law with respect.
Full stop.” pennywhistlesmoonpie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anyone should apologize, it’s your husband. He should apologize to you for not having talked to his mother about her inappropriate behaviors as soon as they started. Also, he might consider apologizing to her for not informing her that what she was saying/doing was inappropriate.
He knew this all along, and rather than do/say anything, he let it fester. That’s all on him.” Individual_Ad_9213
9. AITJ For Calling My Husband A "Participation Trophy Husband" Due To His Absence In Our Family Life?
“Me (f28) and my husband I’ll call him B (m29) have known each other for 8 years and got married 6 years ago.
He’s worked the same job for years (this is important) and even when we were together he would brush me off for his job.
When B and I first got together, it was a fairy tale and also when we first got together he started working his new job (and current one).
At first, he would make sure to make time for me and whatnot but after our first year, he got busier and then started to cancel on me. After we got engaged and then eventually married it happened even more, it was unbearable at times.
When I would talk to him about it his response would be “I make more than you and my job is important, without my travels and late nights we wouldn’t have a nice house or food” or something along those lines. It always made me mad as he only made a bit more than me but I would brush it off.
After a year we got pregnant with our first. While he did come home more and stuff after she was born he started to go do his late nights and work trips again. Okay fine, she was a few months that’s fine but she’s now 3 and starting to ask “Where’s daddy”.
It hurt me as my dad was not that present in my life. As she’s coming up on 4 soon I want her to have a small but fun party with some girls from her dance team (she started soon after turning three as she has also been more moving and dancing if that makes sense and she loves it) well when I told B he said: “what day?”.
I told him his response “I have a meeting that day but go ahead with the party she will have fun and understand why I can’t go”. I got angry and was livid. I started to yell at him saying stuff like how he’s “barely present in our marriage” and now he’s “rarely going to be present in our child’s life.” He got mad and started screaming back and eventually he made a remark about how “Even though my dad was in the house I guess he didn’t love me enough to be present in my life” and that ticked me off so I called him a “participation trophy husband” along as “I feel like a single mother, the man I married is barely in love with me at least that’s what it feels like” and stormed off.
He’s now upset and only really talking to me to ask about our daughter. I feel like I crossed a line because every time I look at him he looks upset. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This man stopped having time for a relationship in year 1 and yet you decided to marry him and have a child with him.
That’s on you. Your husband has no time for a family and therefore he shouldn’t have one. This isn’t for AITJ. It’s for a marriage counselor.” This_Grab_452
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and misguided for using insults as a way of trying to get your husband to want to spend more time with you. Your feelings about wanting him around more are valid.
But you both need to learn to communicate with love and no blame. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“YTJ when someone shows you who they are, believe them. He’s been prioritizing his career since you knew him and you still chose to marry him and have kids.
Now, if he’s providing a high income and a great quality of life so you can stay home and raise your daughter, work around his schedule. I would imagine he’s not working weekends.” MelissaIsBBQing
8. AITJ For Choosing To Stay Home For The Holidays After Giving Birth?
“My husband (26m) and I (27f) are due to have our second child 1 week before Thanksgiving. Our son just turned 1.5 as of posting this. I’ve already let all our family know that not only will we be missing Thanksgiving this year, but most likely Christmas as well.
Our family went nuts upon hearing this news. They understand missing Thanksgiving but are up in arms about us missing Christmas.
My husband and I talked extensively about missing the holidays this year because it’s important to us that our son get to experience them surrounded by loved ones, especially Christmas.
We thought maybe my husband could take our son out to see some family for Christmas but me being left behind with our newborn at home just didn’t sit right with either of us. Assuming I deliver on my due date, I’d be around 5-6 weeks postpartum.
At this stage after my first pregnancy, I was still in diapers and struggled greatly getting out of bed and moving around the house. I couldn’t imagine sitting in a car for a few hours as we go from place to place seeing family. When we broke the news to family that we wouldn’t be traveling for Christmas we in the same breath, let them know that our door is always open and anyone is more than welcome to come see us.
This was taken as us being extremely selfish.
Our house is quite small so we can’t exactly host a lot of people at once which is the point many family members made. My grandma, who was the most vocal about this, hosts every year due to having a large home.
She claimed it’s easier for us to come to them and see everyone in one place rather than everyone coming to us in our cramped house over an hour away. I pointed out that they’re just ONE side of the family we have to see.
My husband dealt with his family so I can’t speak much to the specifics of their reactions. Both my husband’s and I’s parents are divorced and remarried. We collectively go to 5 places each holiday to see the whole family. When we tried explaining this to everyone, it was like they had blinders on saying “Well you can just see them another day” as if they have the highest priority.
This is the point where my husband and I put our foot down with each of our own families stating firmly that we WILL be home this Christmas and anyone is welcome to come to US.
Now the family is divided with half understanding where we’re coming from, and the other half feeling like we’re robbing them of seeing our children on such a special occasion.
It’s making me second guess our choice to stay home and bond if we’d be the jerks if we stuck to our decision.
So, AITJ for staying home this Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Do not cave to their guilting. They are behaving inappropriately.
If you aren’t comfortable traveling, that’s it. End of sentence. You are NOT obligated to take your very young children on an extended road trip or whatever it is, not to mention I’d say limiting exposure to new person germs for your infant at least might be another consideration.
You don’t have to justify it though. They will need to get over it. If you care to, tell them you will plan to visit later in the winter, after the holiday, at a time that works better for you (of course this will not be a perfect swap as presumably a lot of others are coming from away to the holiday gathering), or make no such compromise and just be like “Look if you can’t be kind and considerate, this is the end of the conversation.” Hold firm.
People like this will not relent but you do not need to give in. Do what’s right FOR YOU and YOUR FAMILY.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and this is not the last you will hear of this discussion. It sounds like this might be the first time that you and your spouse have put your feet down and bucked a family expectation.
First off, good for you. Secondly, be prepared for them to ramp up the guilt and such while they deal with their feelings around things being different this year. You are right to set limits. Not knowing what country you are in makes it difficult to determine the amount of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but since you don’t feel that Christmas is achievable, then that is all that matters.
You’ve said that you can’t do it, so, you can’t do it. They may never agree with you and they may stay salty about it. That is a them problem, not a you problem. You are in no way obligated to show up to a family gathering just because it is happening.
With 5 families in the mix, it may be a good idea to start setting up a rotation or whatever and start setting expectations sooner rather than later.” Mysterious-Froyo-909
Another User Comments:
“Are these people adults? I don’t get why they cannot think of YOU instead of only themselves.
There will be holidays to celebrate every year and your children will be seen by all. NTJ but think about making your life simpler and not attending both Thanksgiving and Christmas away from home. You could alternate, and at the same time create your holiday traditions at home with your husband and children.
Today, video calls allow easy contact with people from all over. And you could use the money you spend on travel for other things as well.” hadMcDofordinner
7. AITJ For Confronting My Friend After Being Left Alone At A Tattoo Convention?
“So I (F31) have a best friend Alex (F29) who has a partner Gene (M29) and so given that, I third wheel almost all the time with her and Gene. Usually, this is fine when we’re just hanging out or watching a movie but it does get awkward sometimes when they’re off talking about an interest that I don’t share, or cuddling, or whatever.
It’s been an issue before of me feeling like a third wheel and like Gene doesn’t trust us to hang out alone or something, I don’t know. But we’ve talked through it and things have been okay.
Alex and I went on a four-hour trip away to the city to get matching tattoos at a convention this weekend, and Gene came with us.
I’d asked if he was coming before, and Alex had said “Yeah of course I’m not leaving him behind. Why would you ask that?” Kind of confrontationally. I said that I was afraid that they would go off together during the tattoo convention and leave me alone, which has happened before and is not a thing I wanted for a matching tattoo experience.
They said that of course, they wouldn’t do that and that they were hurt that I’d even thought that about them. I apologized and we moved on.
Well, that’s exactly what happened. The tattoo booths were quite small, standing room only, so when Alex got her tattoo, Gene and I made sure to switch it off so that someone was always with her.
When my turn came, she sat with me for a bit, talking, which helped take away the pain of the tattoo for me. Then she went and looked around the convention, which I had no problem with. Then Gene decided that he felt left out and went to pick out his tattoo and sign all the paperwork, so of course Alex had to be with him for that.
By the time she got back, mine was over.
I was really upset and told her so because we’d talked about this. She and Gene both said they didn’t know it would be so quick, they didn’t want to have a huge wait for Gene to get started on his, etc. I was upset because he could have waited for my turn to be done but he HAD to do it right then and take Alex’s attention, and she let him.
I’m aware I sound jealous. I’m aware that there’s nothing really to be done. They were apologetic the first night but I think now they’ve talked it over between themselves in the way couples do and have decided that I’m overreacting. Alex has been acting cold to me since, turning down invitations and not responding to messages.
Was I wrong to get upset? I usually don’t, I usually move on pretty quickly because I’m just happy to have a friend, but this hurt me. Was I the jerk to confront my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There are people who are incapable of having their own life while in a relationship, there is only the relationship and nothing else.
It’s not healthy, and it gets very annoying very quickly. However, the only thing there is to do about it really, is to have a conversation of “it would be nice to see just you sometimes” and if that doesn’t fix it just let the person go.
Unless, of course, one is ready to always be the third wheel, but it doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying the position.” CinderellaGoneCrazy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. My take is that you had a chance to say something when your friend was with you initially getting your tattoo, but you were fine with her leaving to go around the convention.
That was the time to remind her that you didn’t want to be left on your own. And your friend is not making you any kind of priority and it does hurt and you were right to say something about it. But as far as getting upset, you were just not accepting the new reality.
That they are in their world and yes, it’s a selfish one.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might have overreacted if this was an isolated incident, but given the situation, it sounds like it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
It’s completely understandable to be frustrated and honestly, a little hurt that you aren’t able to just have “best friend” time without Gene around. I don’t know about you, but my gal pals and I don’t have the same sort of conversations when our significant others are third-wheeling.
I would ask her over for some “girl talk” (and some good food/wine because that’s a selling point for me at least), and just explain that it’s not that you never want Gene around (unless Gene sucks then he can kick rocks), but that you miss having just some girl time where you can chat and enjoy time with your best friend.
Hopefully, they realize that it’s okay and super healthy to do things without each other.” vroomvroom96
6. AITJ For Honking At A School Bus Blocking Traffic For 10 Minutes?
“The week of Labor Day, I was driving into work around 8 AM.
Around this time, school buses have been going out to pick up students to go to school. While driving on one of the main roads, I was behind a school bus. Whenever the school bus stops, I make sure to provide about 3 car length distance, just in case the school bus needs to reverse for whatever reason (My old high school bus did that when dropping off kids in my old neighborhood).
When the bus stopped, I saw it picking up elementary-age kids. With them were 2 adults. When the kids walked to the bus, the adults followed. I understood because, as a father, I could see wanting to make sure the kids got on safely. After the kids were on the bus, the adults stayed by the bus and started talking to the driver.
Maybe they wanted to make them aware of something or ask a question. Didn’t seem like a big deal. HOWEVER……
10 Minutes later.
The adults are still talking with the bus driver. I don’t know what the conversation was, but 10 minutes had passed from when the bus stopped to pick up the kids.
This was only a 2 lane road so the bus was stopping traffic going both ways. The number of cars that were backed up went farther than I could see (when we finally moved, the cars went back almost half a mile or more). At this point, I thought it was ridiculous the amount of time it took for this conversation, especially when you have traffic stopped going both ways.
So I honked my horn to signal that there were a lot of cars waiting to go but couldn’t because the bus had the stop sign on. Keep in mind, I could see through the back bus door and all the kids were in and sitting within seconds of getting on the bus.
Then other cars started to honk as well. One lady then backed up to look in my direction and gave the hand-up signal to say, “Hold on, I heard you,” but continued to converse. I did honk again because at this point, in my mind, this is a conversation to have when you are not blocking a road.
The bus then left and we could all resume going. However, the lady decided that she would walk in my direction getting upset that I dared to honk at them. What transpired was just a roll-by of yelling and each person giving the finger to one another.
Not proud, but the amount of frustration for people who think they are entitled to hold up everyone else for their own personal reasons just irked me the wrong way. I have to ask, am I the jerk for honking at the bus?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the bus was truly stopped for *10 minutes*, that is a ridiculous amount of time to be blocking traffic *both ways*. It sounds like you just did two short, polite honks to get things moving. I can’t imagine many scenarios that warrant that long of a conversation between a parent and a driver that couldn’t wait for later; if it was truly something that serious, I imagine that child either shouldn’t be on that bus, to begin with, or it is a conversation the parent can have with the school/district/transportation office and not a contractor bus driver.” Visible_Car_8547
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was annoyed this morning when a parent held up a bus for 2-3 minutes blocking a major road. Then just sauntered off the bus as if there weren’t 20 cars waiting on her. (Saw a funny shirt the other day that read, “I had my patience tested … and I was negative.”)” Ok-Boysenberry-4994
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Even if they had a very legitimate reason to need to stop the bus driver for that long, they should still feel bad for holding up traffic rather than getting into an altercation with anyone/everyone that was inconvenienced. When I was a kid, I remember it was always considered to be on the parents to inform/educate bus drivers about their child’s special needs if they had them … and the only time you could catch your child’s bus driver was at pick up/drop off.
(At my school the bus drivers were freelancers, so the school kind of looked at it as ‘not their problem’ when it came to that stuff). So, for example, I could see it being possible for it to take 10 minutes to explain something like “these are the symptoms to look for with anaphylactic shock, my kid has an EpiPen in their front left backpack pocket, the basic of how to administer it are…” etc. And it feels *really* important to get that information out before the bus driver left. But, oh boy, would I be bowing my head and shouting apologies at every car that passed for holding them up if that were me.” SupermarketNeat4033
5. AITJ For Blocking My Uncle After He Broke His Promise To Pay My University Fees?
“I am a female orphan and I have lived with my grandparents for most of my life.
I recently completed my high school education and I was supposed to join university within this month. Living with my grandparents, they have not always been stable but they managed to get me through primary and high school. My uncle, who is my mother’s brother, is very financially stable or so I would think.
When I realized I could get into university I was very excited and all I needed was the fees, so I called my uncle as he’s the only family I know that would have been capable enough to help me.
This was in July when I told him I could work around the house they have in the country where I live for a little fee till I could maybe afford 50% to be admitted to school.
He said no, that I could go and just stay there for a while take care of the house and I should not worry about the fees because he will pay. Fast forward to two weeks ago after being in the house, and taking care of it, I called to remind him that I would be reporting to school on the 2nd which was yesterday as it was the first day of admissions.
So he said money has been tight lately but he’ll see what he can do before then, so he was not able to send me any money for school and I asked if he could even get half of it as it’d be enough to get admitted. He went on and on about how I could always join later and school was not going anywhere or I could try to get a job.
I live in Africa, and our whole system is completely different than where he stays in America, I cannot get a job without a degree, even a waitressing job I would need a degree, so I then asked if he could pay for the house-sitting I have been doing and I could try to figure it out from there, he did not respond to my texts but his wife’s status had videos of them and their children where they were showing off presents they got them talking about “the joys of parenthood”.
Mind you the whole posts were some tablets and slippers and cups which would have cost more than 1000 dollars, my school cost 650 dollars for a whole semester, I was begging for a mere 250 and I do understand that as I’m not their child it might have been too much.
I decided not to say anything because I am not entitled to it, I just blocked their numbers and I am currently on a bus today heading back to my grandparents, though I know it would probably be a relief to them I think it was best I did not explain myself and just quietly removed myself from the equation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You predicated your school year fees based upon his promise to you in taking care of the house. He has let you down. Whether you are their child is immaterial, he made a promise to you and he broke it.
You need to tell your uncle if you cannot rely on him to keep his promises to you you will just have to find another way to fund your college. So that will mean you will no longer be able to maintain his house any longer.
And then you will have to move on. Sorry, you have had to go through this and it must be disappointing. I don’t know but maybe you could start a GoFundMe that your family could contribute to get at least the 250? May be worth a try.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry your uncle reneged on his affirmation that he would pay your university fees. Perhaps blocking his number was a little over the top but my opinion is that you are wise to just delete from your mind any expectations or hopes of financial assistance from him.
Proceed in arranging your future as if he has no involvement nor ever will. Best wishes on finding alternative funding.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would have let him know I was no longer watching/maintaining his house as he reneged on the agreement.
Otherwise, if anything happens to the house/property, it will be on you, and for much the same reason you left, one party in the agreement unilaterally decided not to do their part without informing the other.” ArchLith
4. AITJ For Enforcing The Move-out Date Of Someone I Took In?
“My partner Jack (22 NB) and I (21 F) took in someone we’ll call Grace (21 F).
Grace and Jack went to high school together but weren’t close. Grace has been sending Jack messages every few months for the past five years with troubling thoughts and plans. Jack has learned to set boundaries, but Grace doesn’t respect them.
Grace was living with an abusive family when she said she would be homeless and might harm herself over it.
Concerned, Jack and I offered her a place to stay for two months. However, Grace kept extending her stay by about three months each time. We live in a one-bedroom apartment, and the leasing office noticed Grace’s extended stay. They’ve given us until October to have her move out.
When we informed Grace, she did not take it well and responded by crying in front of our fridge, which has effectively held our kitchen hostage.
Grace doesn’t have her own space due to our small apartment, but we set up a bed for her in the living room.
Despite this, she doesn’t respond to our attempts to communicate and continues to engage in concerning behavior including threats towards her wellbeing
Several issues have arisen:
1. Comments on Food: Despite knowing I have a history of disordered eating, Grace continually comments on what I’m eating.
2. Lack of Independence: Grace frequently asks what “we” will be having for every meal. When I tell her that Jack and I will handle our own meals, she simply skips eating. She refuses to cook and I must constantly prompt her to do her laundry.
3. Conflicting Information and Lies: Grace has given conflicting information about herself and us. EX: When Jack confronted her about a hurtful comment she made about my food, Grace denied it and accused us of lying.
4. Lack of Effort: Grace has made minimal effort to find work or secure an apartment.
She only applies to very specific jobs and has saved about $5,000 but hasn’t been proactive in finding work or a new place.
I also have Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) and other issues, which make it hard to manage the mess in our apartment. It’s overwhelming for me, and I struggle with having a cluttered space.
Additionally, Jack and I value our privacy, and Grace’s behavior has made this difficult. She has expressed inappropriate interest in our private life and even spent time in our bathroom while we were intimate.
I told Grace that if she engaged in concerning behavior again, I would take her to the hospital. She stopped after that.
We extended her move-out date by a week, which is this Wednesday. Grace is financially able to stay at a hotel, but I feel guilty about enforcing the move-out date. I was once in a similar position and had to hit rock bottom before making changes.
I don’t want to enable Grace, but I need to protect my own well-being. Am I the jerk for enforcing the move-out date despite her situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is just my opinion and what I would personally do. I’m not saying you should do this.
But I would put her stuff on the porch and not care about “tenant” laws. She can’t afford a place to live, therefore she can’t afford a lawyer to go after you. It’s not your problem or responsibility if she refuses to eat.
Not your responsibility if her family is abusive (which honestly is honestly completely BS. This friend sounds like she’s lost her marbles). Not your fault if she can’t afford a place to go. Get rid of her before she changes the locks and won’t let you into your own home.
It’s been happening all over the place. The police won’t help you because it’s a civil matter. It’ll take thousands of dollars and months to years to sort out in court. Get this loon out of your home and block her on social media and on your phone.
You aren’t a bad person if you put your foot down with someone who is boldly taking advantage of you.” Katiew84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She hasn’t hit rock bottom. She’s using you, and you’re giving her a buffer from it. Kick her out.
She had enough money for accommodation and if she doesn’t want to spend it all she’ll find a job pretty fast. She will just keep doing it!” Top_Most_3528
3. AITJ For Leaving My Partner's House After Her Kid Made Me Mad?
“Today my partner asked me to bring her a soda and I ended up staying the whole day. She has a 5 year old and she was being wild all day which is totally normal for her. She’s usually in my face constantly and doing things that tend to get on everyone’s nerves but as far as I’m aware that’s typical 5-year-old stuff (I don’t know a whole lot about kids)
Me and my partner have been seeing each other for about 5 months and me having no prior experience with kids I have a hard time disciplining her when she does anything bad but even when I do she doesn’t listen to anything I say. I’m usually good at pushing her off me or telling her no when I need to but my partner usually has to back me up for her to actually stop.
This tends to be a big issue when my partner leaves the room because she ends up acting a lot worse when her mom isn’t around.
I can handle most things but I am extremely grossed out by spit and unfortunately, my partner’s daughter knows this.
So tonight we were all making stuff out of duct tape and I was working on a mask. My partner walks off for about 15 minutes or so and her kid starts getting really hyper and climbs all over me, I’m asking her to settle down but that only makes her laugh and act worse.
She then spits all over her hand, looks me dead in my eyes and smears it all over my barely constructed duct tape mask which is on my face… I get more stern and tell her to stop/back off as I rip the mask off my face and throw it on the bed. Ultimately this is what has me extremely heated but I just sit there and try to calm down.
She then proceeds to throw my mask on the ground stomping on it and grabs some scissors and starts cutting it up.
At this point I don’t say anything and I’m over it I just want to go home. I’m very overwhelmed with how I feel and when my partner comes back I tell her I need to go home and I leave.
Once home I text her and tell her that I was sorry for leaving suddenly like that, told her what her daughter did and just explained I was overwhelmed. She doesn’t reply and I ask if she’s mad. She tells me it doesn’t matter and for me to enjoy the rest of my night.
I’m unsure how I should have handled it. I mean sure maybe I should have stayed but this isn’t the first time her daughter has spit on me knowing I can’t stand it and I’m still really new with kids so it was just a lot and all I knew was I wanted to exit the situation so I could think clearly.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re in a relationship with a kid who doesn’t want to share you with her mom. Why is gf bailing for 15 minutes if this has happened multiple times? If you haven’t communicated that these issues are happening to her, that’s also a big issue.
The kid isn’t going anywhere. So you guys need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Whether that’s figuring out what boundaries need to happen or if this relationship just might not work.” Kennyissad
2. AITJ For Sticking To My Diet And Workout Routine During A Friends Trip?
“Four of my friends all have flexible jobs or are off for the week, and Sasha’s uncle has a hunting cabin he said we could stay in. (Respect to Jed, he’s the best). We just spent our first night/day together and it was great, except that Vivian says she’s uncomfortable because it feels like I’m not relaxing/enjoying the trip.
I think I’m uncomfortable being told what to do, and that working out and dieting is important to my job. I’m a model, this isn’t something I can just blow off.
She had approached me about this more mildly before we left, making a few comments about me ‘eating real food’ and I just redirected it with a comment about how I was looking forward to getting some smoked venison from a nearby farm.
She seemed pretty annoyed, saying I ‘knew what she meant’ and should ‘make sure to relax and indulge’, and that if I ‘wouldn’t stop looking in my mirror enough to enjoy myself, she’d break it.’ Which seemed. Weird.
But I moved on and didn’t think about it until today.
I worked out this morning while she was sketching in the main room and when we got dessert at lunch, I ordered another drink instead. I also skipped out when we got ice cream, and I think that’s what finally set her off because it looked the most awkward.
When we got back, she pulled me aside like a teacher reprimanding a student, which rankled me to start with and then started in on how I was being weird, uptight, and snotty. I don’t think I’m being any of those things and told her so.
She said I needed to stop working out in the mornings and act like I care more about my waistline than my friends.
I might be the jerk because she seemed genuinely upset and had brought this up before, and I brushed it off. Also, I am being kind of petty here.
A), I could go somewhere else. I’m sure there’s a library or even just some park pavilion nearby where I could work out and then come back to the house. B), I could probably get away with not working out for the week, though then I’d have to watch my diet even more and it’ll suck to get into the full routine again.
She says I’m being high-maintenance and making everything about me – that I’ll be ruining the trip for at least her and her partner and probably make everyone else feel uncomfortable. I’m not trying to interrupt the trip here or anything, just chill without ordering food sometimes!
But also, I’ve been told I’m high maintenance/self-obsessed/vain a lot and I’m trying to work on that, so maybe this would be a good step in the right direction even if I don’t HAVE to listen to her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is weirdly controlling. I have to believe she’s jealous of you. Seriously consider doing yourself a favor and pull away back on time spent with her. You don’t have to be vain or self-involved to work out on vacation and/or watch your diet.
She’s making her weird issues *your* issues. Stop letting her. And stop going on vacation with her. You’re wasting your precious time and money just to be monitored and harangued by someone who needs therapy.” User
Another User Comments:
“Would she be equally as mad if you didn’t get the ice cream because you had a milk allergy??
That’s insane for her to be controlling your vacation free time. She sketches, you work out. Some people can’t relax until they’ve worked out. Some people just don’t want dessert. Keep working out and dieting and enjoy!” mollyodonahue
Another User Comments:
“So I don’t know how extreme your ordering choices are. But the fact is that I have new health concerns and I have to make the same choices… No dessert and smaller portions, and no booze… I still want to spend time with other people but haven’t had anyone accuse me of ” making it about me” In my mind making it about me would be telling others they shouldn’t make the choices they are making, or belaboring the fact that I can’t join them because I need to work out.
Honestly, I guess the question is… Does she have a previous or undisclosed eating disorder… Or does your making sensible choices make her feel bad about her choices… Her lecturing you about your choices is making it all about her, not the reverse. NTJ” AmethystSapper
1. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Acknowledge My Career Success?
“I (35 f) have been seeing my partner (37 m) for just over 2 years now. On Thursday, I presented a project I’ve been working on for 6 months to the VP of my department and received glowing reviews from him which is huge for my career.
This is the 2nd glowing review I’ve received in the last month on something I’ve done, so I’ve been feeling really good about my job recently.
On my way home from work, I called my partner to tell him about it share my good news, and ask him how his day was.
For about 10 minutes he complained about all the things that have been going wrong recently. I listened and sympathized and told him I was sorry that those things were happening. It wasn’t anything bad or serious, just people being stupid and difficult for various reasons.
When he was done, I shared my good news and he didn’t acknowledge it, just started talking about something else that was going wrong.
I shut down and stopped listening to what he was saying because he completely deflated my pride. I felt ignored and unacknowledged so I spoke up and said that the news I just shared was a really big deal for my career and it felt terrible that he didn’t acknowledge it.
This caused an argument about how he was going to acknowledge it eventually but didn’t in the moment I shouldn’t have said anything because he was in a bad mood. Later that night, I sent him a picture that said “Just a reminder of how cute I am even when you’re mad at me” trying to smooth things over.
I was left on read. The next day, I texted him when I got out of work “I hope you had a good day today, I love you” and he responded several hours later “Thank you”.
After about an hour, I called him (I was at the bar and drinking, probably not the best time to call someone) and asked if everything was ok because I said “I love you” and he didn’t say it back.
He insisted everything was fine and I “think too much” and then we got into this 30-minute discussion about how the person in the bad mood matters more than the person in good news, and it’s hard to be happy for someone when you’re in a bad mood.
He also argued that he tells me he’s proud of me all the time and the one time he didn’t, I had to bring it up, and “sometimes the best thing to do is not say anything”.
My argument was that we both messed up and I could have been more empathetic with him but he also could have been more empathetic with me because this was a really big deal for me.
This also upset him because of the above “Sometimes the best thing to do is not say anything”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is he always like this? He seems very dismissive and very adept at turning things around to make them your fault. Maybe you could have found a better time to announce your news, but that’s not the core issue.
What’s the point of having a partner if they’re not your biggest fan and aren’t open to discussing communication? Overall, does this person make you feel better or worse about yourself?” GRidgeflyover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not “both mess up”. He messed up and is trying to turn it around on you.
YTJ to yourself if you continue the relationship with this man. You will never get any more from him than you just received. That should not be enough for you and I don’t give a darn how much you love him, it is irrelevant.” Stormy111161
Another User Comments:
“He is a jerk…it’s a relationship. you’re allowed to be happy and celebrate… CONGRATULATIONS on kicking butt at the presentation …2 in a month…that’s great. Don’t forget to add this to your performance evaluation and when you ask for a raise in a year” TimeRecognition7932.
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