People Get Distrustful In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Mother To Get Sober?
“I (21m) told my mother (42f) that she needs to get sober. She keeps saying I’m “bossing her around” and that she is “a grown woman who can have a drink when she wants to”.
She (along with most of my family) has a horrible history with booze. There was a time in my life when I almost disowned her as my mother because of how bad it got. For most of my teenage years I felt a responsibility for her safety, and have carried her up the porch stairs intoxicated multiple times.
For the past two years, she was been recovering from a DUI car accident. Nobody got hurt and she did her time in jail, and there was a good few months after getting out where she stayed sober. She was on probation at first, where she had to do weekly check-ins to confirm she wasn’t drinking.
Lately, though, her restrictions have been mostly lifted, besides a few online classes. In my opinion, without an authority telling her what to do, she doesn’t care. With probation, she was following rules out of fear of going back to jail, but it’s like the second that stopped a flip switch in her brain told her she was free again.
It started with drinks at restaurants, then shots, buying bottles, getting wasted.
I have never been addicted to anything, I’ve never smoked a single smoke or had a single drink in my life, so here’s where I think I might be a jerk. In a recent conversation with my mom, I told her she needed to quit drinking.
I told her how it made me feel, and how I could see it negatively affecting her already. I told her nobody likes her when she’s drinking, and it makes everyone worried for her, and I told her I still feel responsible for her actions even if she is my mom.
I told her she can’t be the kind of person to have ‘one drink’ and it always ends up the same lousy way every time.
I asked her what sign from the universe she needs to finally stop, besides her kids and the government telling her to, and she told me to stop making her decisions.
She told me I didn’t understand, and that she was a grown woman that could do whatever she wanted. She told me the person she is when she’s drinking is the same person she is when she’s not, and saying one is worse than the other is an insult to her.
I feel like I’m completely right, she is the worst version of herself when drinking and I have years of childhood memories to prove it. But, I also do think she’s right that I don’t understand. I know it’s not easy to just stop, it’s an addiction, not a hobby, but she won’t even admit she has it!
My brother thinks I’m not a jerk, but I was too harsh. I haven’t talked to anyone else about it, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My response would be. Ok Mom I hear you. I love you but I can’t watch you do this to yourself nor can I enable it.
Please consider what I’ve said and unless you want me to take you to an AA meeting I’m sorry to say we will not be having another conversation.” New-Credit-9661
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However, you’re not wrong in what you’re saying, but what does being right get you in this situation?
This isn’t going to make her change. Most addict parents don’t break out of the cycle because their kids explain to them that being an addict is bad. They already have dozens of other reasons they should stop that don’t get through. You can keep doing this if it’s cathartic for you to get your feelings off your chest, but if you’re hoping for actual change you’re only hurting yourself hitting your head against that brick wall.
Maybe someday she’ll get better, but this isn’t how it’s going to happen. Right now you just need to focus on you and what you need.” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear she doesn’t want to change, and as others are pointing out, you cannot force her.
At this point, I would look at enforcing boundaries that involve you disengaging from her when she drinks. You can only control your actions, and it’s clear her behavior is not supporting her or you.” _sarrasri
19. AITJ For Cutting Off Family Who Treated My Nephew Unfairly?
“I (36f) made the (not so) difficult decision to no longer invite my extended family to dinner, parties, school events for my kids, etc. The one exception is my nephew Jamie (18). He is my elder sister’s eldest. He moved in with my husband and me for a while before he turned 18 to escape from his parents and younger brother (17).
Some context/bg. When Jamie was born his parents genuinely seemed to love him. And they appeared, to a younger me, to be good parents. That changed as soon as his younger brother was born. Suddenly my sister and BIL talked about Jamie as a nightmare, said he was an awful baby, they hated every moment with him and his younger brother was an angel and perfect.
This attitude continued. Jamie wasn’t a misbehaving kid or “feral” like he was described, but he ran around, got dirty, and made noise and messes like most little kids. But this was treated like something awful. His younger brother was quiet, neat, etc, etc. They would always compare Jamie to his brother to shame him into being different.
If he spilled something they’d scold him. If he got messy they’d reprimand him harshly for it. The rest of my extended family started acting the same. Jamie couldn’t do anything right. He sneezed, it was too loud. He fell, he was being reckless/careless.
And the praise for his bother was insane. He was a quieter and calmer kid, but Jamie wasn’t destroying things or stealing, yelling, cursing, etc. Even having too much fun got Jamie negative attention and I was told to shut up whenever I’d defend him or tell people to lay off.
I took it upon myself to be there for Jamie as much as possible. The older the boys got the harder it got because Jamie also had his brother trying to get him into trouble or berating him for things. I hated seeing it but I knew I needed to be there for Jamie and avoiding it would do no good.
Nobody showed up for Jamie except for me. I was often the only family member (except for when I married and had kids) who made an appearance at school plays and the like.
When Jamie moved in with us, and got his freedom, I decided it was time to do the same.
My family kept asking me about coming over and when were my kid’s things. Nobody asked about Jamie. Or they’d want to know about parties for the kids. I let it all pile up and then I decided to send an email to the extended family outlining how disgusting their behavior toward Jamie had been and how that meant they would no longer receive any invitations from me.
I got a lot of negativity back with people saying I shouldn’t take *HIS* side when he’s a bratty little jerk who deserved everything he got. I don’t regret defending Jamie BUT did I handle this badly?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“At first I was going to say YTJ but after reading the post, NTJ. “I got a lot of negativity back with people saying I shouldn’t take HIS side when he’s a bratty little jerk who deserved everything he got” He was a child.
It was his parents and the family’s job to love and nurture him. They’re blaming a KID for being a bratty little jerk? That’s what a lot of kids are!!!! Deserve everything he got? He’s a child. He deserved love and compassion. Your family sucks and your nephew is lucky to have one decent human being in his life.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a message for Jamie: Hi Jamie, I just want to tell you that your family is awful and doesn’t deserve a role in your life. Being a part of your life is a privilege, not a right, and that right isn’t granted simply because of DNA.
You have a wonderful uncle who genuinely cares about you. You will go out into the world and meet more people who care about and respect you and you will build your own little pseudo family with these people. Go forth in the world and build a wonderful life despite them.
And if it’s helpful, maybe seek some therapy in the future to make sure you’re not carrying any of their toxic crap with you. It’s their loss that you’re not in their lives. Let them stay over there in their little bubble and make each other miserable for the rest of their lives.
Good luck to you.” Helen_Magnus_
Another User Comments:
“You know, I think you might be the hero Jamie didn’t know he needed! It sounds like your family needs a reality check on how to treat a kid with a little bit of mess and noise.
Sending that email was bold, but it seems like you were tired of sitting back while they threw Jamie under the bus. Honestly, if they can’t see how their actions have hurt him, maybe they don’t deserve a front-row seat to your life.
You stood up for someone who needed it, and that’s commendable. If their reaction is to dismiss your concerns, that tells you everything you need to know about their priorities. Keep being that supportive aunt; Jamie will thank you for it someday!” Just-Custard9449
18. AITJ For Rejecting Contact With My Absent Father's New Family?
“My deadbeat father walked out on me and mom when I (17M) was 1. Never saw him again or heard from him again. He was arrested six times for failing to pay child support, his mom never could get child support out of him (he was never officially working when she pursued it) and she eventually gave up before she died. I was 7.
For the last ten years, I lived with my three aunts (two bio aunts and one aunt’s wife).
In June I got a DM from some random woman claiming to be married to my deadbeat and saying they had kids together and she wanted me to be in their lives.
I replied that I wasn’t interested and to please not contact me again. I blocked the account then too. A week later I got a DM from another account, saying she was the same person and asking me to reconsider. I made my account DM from friends only so she couldn’t contact me that way again.
She then made contact with one of my aunts, who told her to stop reaching out or she would be reported. But she wasn’t giving up. She reached out to another aunt. Got told the same thing. Then she contacted one aunt at work. Then my aunt got a lawyer involved and sent a letter saying she needed to stop.
But that didn’t end it either. We had to save all these attempts she made. And then she showed up at our house. She found the address on some websites using info on my aunt. So I decided we needed to end this once and for all and I told her to leave it because I was not changing my mind.
I told her I did not want to know her kids. That I’m sure they’re fine and all but I have no interest in chasing blood relatives. She told me I’d regret not knowing all of them and how she could be the mother I don’t have anymore.
This is when I called her arrogant and told her to get over herself, that she’s not that special and neither are they. I told her she has made me never want to have a relationship with them.
My aunt called the police on her and as she was leaving she yelled that I didn’t need to take such a bad attitude toward them.
That she was just trying to fight for the right of her kids to know their siblings so they have a better life than I did.
It’s been almost a week and we’re hoping that’s the end of it. I know people will wonder if my deadbeat reached out and the answer is no. He did call and yell at my aunt for calling the police on his wife.
Even though I’m still upset I’m reflecting on the stuff I said and whether I should have stayed quiet.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only jerks here are Your father. Your father’s wife. Is it a shame you don’t want a relationship with your half-siblings?
Sure, but that is nobody’s choice to make but yours. Blood relations do not determine who your true family is. They are “relatives” not “family” and there is a difference. You made the right decision.” TheGoodJeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said That she was just trying to fight for the right for her kids to know their siblings so they have a better life than I did.
She is showing what a selfish person she is only considering the impact on her kids and selfishly ignoring your many requests for her to leave you alone. You don’t care how knowing your father is being responsible for those kids but never responsible or caring towards you already makes you feel, now she is trying to rub it in your face more, trying to make it your responsibility for them to have a better life than you. Also, the audacity to tell you she could be the mother you no longer have. And if she were trying to be a mother to you she would consider your feelings not just her own and her kid’s feelings.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had to be firm with this woman who wasn’t taking “no” for an answer. Some people want to know other half-siblings when they learn of their existence, and others do not. Either decision is fine. Glad it sounds like your aunts are supporting you in this.” stroppo
17. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With My Coworker's Strange Behavior?
“There’s a guy I work with who claims he is married and recently had a baby.
We had a pretty decent work friendship at the start. We bonded over a couple of shared interests and overall had a great time working together. He called me his bro and even exchanged numbers (we’re both guys).
As we get to know each other more, I notice that his behavior has gotten a bit strange.
For example, one time we were talking, and college got brought up and he told me that he went but never got to finish. Naturally, I asked how come and he just went dead silent with no eye contact (I was talking to his side profile from afar).
I tried asking again in case he didn’t hear me and he rolled his eyes, scoffed, and said I was bullying him. Likewise, if I ask him any personal questions, he will quickly deflect or shut down. He would shoo me away at times when I would come up and talk to him but then approach me later on with a conversation as if that never happened. He would aggressively tease and joke at my expense.
I like jokes but it got a bit much.
So I ended up pulling back a bit because I didn’t want that kind of energy around me. He’s taken notice and now, he’s acting much kinder/more welcoming towards me, he tries to cheer me up when he notices I’m down (never seen him do that for any other coworker), makes comments when I’m in a good mood or not, he hovers around me, shows more interest in my personal life (still never shares his though), etc. I went through a big, toxic situation with another coworker there (was not my fault) and he ended up being the only one to reach out to me, checking up on me and asking if I was doing ok.
I wasn’t expecting that from him.
But the most important detail of all is his constant staring. Throughout everything I’ve said till now, I’ve caught him on numerous occasions giving me looks and glances. It got so strange to the point where he stared me down hard through his car window.
After work that day, I just sat in my car for a bit and scrolled through my phone to unwind. But you know that feeling you get when someone is burning a hole through your face with their eyes? That’s how I felt and so I looked to my right and he was hunched over, just watching me intently from inside his car.
When I started to look his way, he instantly turned his head away and started fidgeting with his radio settings and then drove off. Didn’t even notice he was in his car in the first place. I thought it was the strangest thing ever.
Overall, it’s just making me uncomfortable to work with him. It’s like he has one foot in the door and one foot out. I don’t know what he wants.”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk but I don’t think you’d get a very positive result.
The evasiveness and the intense watching are both red flags for me – I wouldn’t trust this guy at all. Trying to have a conversation about his behavior is just going to get you deeper into whatever mind game he’s playing here.” Sue_in_Victoria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would just keep it professional at work. Your coworker sounds like he has problems with telling the truth. It may not be malicious. Some people just lie without thinking about it. Someone in the comments has probably got a better explanation of this behavior.
I think that we’ve all encountered this.” Appropriate-Algae954
Another User Comments:
“He was in control of the boundaries when you were bros. Now you’ve disengaged and taken that power away from him and he’s feeling… some type of way? Really weird situation.
I don’t think you’re the jerk, but I honestly don’t think talking to him about this is the way to go about it. He’s already acting mega strange to the least confrontational method you’ve used, so heck knows how he’d react if you brought it up to his face.
Not even sure going to HR would do you any good either, because so far the behavior is just weird, but hard to prove inappropriate, especially if he denies it. Maybe just let it play out in the hope that it fades away? And get in your car and boost as soon as you finish your shift. ” AsparagusWTweak
16. AITJ For Wanting To Move To A Cheaper Area And Not Live With My Non-Contributing Sister?
“I’m 30F living in DC doing a post-doctoral fellowship. My sister (22F) just completed undergrad in May and is applying to med school and taking a year off. She retook her MCAT and it had been decided that since she was having a hard time finding a job, she would move back to Texas and stay with our family there.
We are already living together in a two-bedroom. However, the past 1.5 years of living with her have been very stressful because I’ve been in fellowship & she provides no help with cleaning or bills. My salary is already pretty low and not enough to live in DC.
I was very relieved she was going back because I wouldn’t have to worry about my expenses & having to suffer in DC and could now move to Silver Spring MD. Where it is significantly cheaper, closer to work and I would have money left over.
I’m on the phone with my family discussing one-bedroom or studio apartments in Silver Spring so that way I’m also closer to work and reducing my cost. (Mind you the only reason I’m still living in DC is because she was finishing school.)
Then randomly on the phone, my aunt goes oh well well your sister got a job so you have to move to Chevy Chase, MD. I said what do you mean? My sister walked past me multiple times and didn’t say anything. (she didn’t even tell me until 4 hours later at 10 pm I am one living with her) I said well I’m not living in Chevy because it’s expensive.
I had been apartment hunting already for Studios and one bedroom because she was leaving & the lease ends next month. My aunt goes well money doesn’t matter. When my aunt is the first one to throw it back in my face & won’t say anything to my sister.
I said well I’m not going to do that need to get separate housing so she understands what bills need to be split because I currently take on almost all of the bills and she provides no money towards bills she only asks you guys for rent money.
I explained we need to live somewhere within my means and Silver Spring she can take the train/bus to Chevy Chase(maybe 20-30 minutes). Plus the apartment I’m looking at is brand new and the prices. My aunt and mom then brought up her pay of $20 an hour 40 hours a week so it’s $3200 a month.
I’m like that’s before taxes she’s not gonna have any money to even afford anything in Chevy Chase. Then they continued to go back and forth with me and I said I would apply to Silver Spring by myself, but I’m not moving to Chevy Chase & they got mad at me and said I was being selfish.
She doesn’t help clean and does petty stuff It’s very stressful and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. Am I being selfish? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ADULT sister does not need you as her keeper, and would probably benefit from learning how to be independent.
Go on and find a place to live (alone) that works for you. Ignore your family. If they think your sister needs her handheld, they can move to Chevy Chase and hold it for her.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt and mother are pushing their agendas onto you and not considering your financial situation or well-being.
It’s important to prioritize your own needs and financial stability, and it’s not fair for your sister to continue living with you without contributing to bills and cleaning. It’s time for her to learn responsibility and for you to have your own space. Keep standing up for yourself and good luck with your apartment search!” queenalenna
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ! Just think of the peace you’ll have as well as saving money. You do not have to engage with your family on this subject again. When they bring it up, just say “This has been asked and answered. This subject is closed.” And then hang up the phone or change the subject. Also, I’d recommend *not* letting your sister move with you even if everyone says it’s “temporary” until she finds a place.
It will not be temporary. Go fly and be free! ” Blue-Being22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m not really sure why it’s a debate with them at all right now. Your sister is 22. About to go to med school. You’re THIRTY. Freaking THIRTY. A full, at her big girl age, grown woman.
You don’t need your mother’s or your aunt’s permission to live where you want. You don’t need to be the one living with or providing for your adult sister. She wants to live in Chevy Chase, MD. Cool. Guess she’s going to find herself some roommates to afford things and be forced to live within her means and learn to pay for things, clean, and cook for herself.
If living your own best life without your needy, lazy, mooching sister is selfish you need to own that and wear it as a cap proudly, OP. All the people advocating for your sister to live in a more expensive area need to step up and subsidize her living situation.
Plus, aren’t you ready for peace in your home? Tell your mom, sister, and aunt that your days of living in the same apartment are now officially OVER. Let them all decide to do what they will. Stop being a doormat. You don’t owe her all your money, peace of mind, or living your own life, OP.” moew4974
15. AITJ For Leaving A Party My Friend Invited Me To Because It Was Too Overwhelming?
“I’d like to preface this by saying I (22, NB) am severely autistic. My friend Jason (21M) knows that. He also knows that, because of my autism, I’m not too fond of most parties— I like parties, but with the right type of people, in smaller environments, with “breathing” areas without music that’s too loud, good places to talk rather than dance if you so wish.
I love these parties! Especially if they’re early on in the evening; I hate leaving the house after 9.
Despite explaining this to Jason many times, however, he always tries to drag me into raves. Almost every week he tells me about a rave that’s going on and begs me to come with him.
He begs and pleads and sends me sad memes and whatnot, but I usually don’t budge. Last week, however, he invited me for an Emo night at a club with a nice open terrace. I had D&D that night, but sure, it seemed fun so I went after D&D and it was great!
Despite the time, I found the party ticked everything I like in parties. Jason kept telling me “See how fun it is once you go out?” and I kept telling him “Yeah! Like, you see, this is the stuff I like. Invite me to more of this type and I’ll come every time”.
Just a few days later— Jason invites me to another party. He says it’s a little college party to celebrate the start of the new semester. I’m like… sure I guess! Last time was fun, I think I communicated my issues clearly, whatever. He was also coming to my place the next day.
As I start approaching the party, I notice that everyone in the metro is going to that party. Mostly people who do NOT mesh with me and my style at all, but sure, I won’t judge a book by its cover. I get to the party and… it’s not a little college party.
It’s his University’s start of the semester event. Almost ten thousand people crowded into a concert/rave venue. Worst part: The line to ENTER the party was over two hours long, my friend’s phone was turned off, and he had entered already. This was around 10 PM.
It meant I’d be until midnight myself standing in line for a party I wouldn’t enjoy and have to look for my friend without communication. I simply sent him a text saying I was going home, and when he saw it once his phone was on— just shortly after I decided to leave— he got mad.
He’s not even coming over today like we planned. He told me to cut the line and to come anyway but I was already in the station waiting for the metro back home. He’s been extremely short in all his replies.
Was I too harsh?
I was there already, I could have stayed and tried to have fun. My family says I completely overreacted and I should have been “open to new experiences”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jason lied to you about the nature of the party. He also doesn’t get you at all, despite the good time you had when you went with him once.
He knows your issues about several people, type of party, loud music, time of night, all of it. But he talked you into going anyway. He’s telling you he doesn’t believe your issues are important, and that it’s more important you come out with him to things HE likes, rather than finding something he knows YOU would like.
He left you outside to stand in a two-hour line (and then tells you to cut the line? WTF?) by yourself and then gets MAD when you bail out of this mess. You don’t need to be “open” to this kind of experience. You did not overreact, you acted reasonably, given your other issues.
Jason may call himself your friend, but he isn’t. He’s just into what he’s into and doesn’t care what you’re into. Let him go to his raves in the future by himself. Let him go his own way by himself.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He’s weird for inviting you to such a big event despite knowing you don’t like that. You shouldn’t have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations just to make him happy. ” huskofapuppet
14. AITJ For Storming Out After My Parents Tried To Intervene In My Job Search?
“I (24 F) stormed out of the house and stayed with my partner for a week after my parents tried to have an intervention.
For some context, I just recently graduated from college on August 16th and moved back home. I am currently on the job hunt. I have gotten a good amount of interviews but unfortunately, the companies have not wanted to move forward. This has been affecting my mental health a lot.
But I don’t allow this to hinder my job search. I have been taking my time since out of college to job search and travel a bit. My dad thinks that I need a job immediately and that I need to stop traveling. My mom has been more lenient but now has been up my butt about getting a job.
They both want me to stay home and work part-time till I find something. Which is completely fine and I have an interview tomorrow for a part-time job in the meantime.
The reason my parents got so upset was that I left to go see my long-distance partner.
He lives exactly 2 hrs away which is not too bad. During the time I’m visiting him, I spend the majority of my day applying for jobs or doing research for jobs that want to interview me. I don’t see why this is such a problem because I would be doing the same thing if I stayed at home.
My partner is the only one who understands and calms me down when my parents upset me.
Both my parents were yelling at me before I left saying that I needed a job immediately. They threatened to even take my car away. It’s not that I don’t want a job that I do very very much.
But I just graduated college and I worked all throughout college which was exhausting. My younger sister (22F) who is also in college has never had to work and when she took a gap year she didn’t work during that time either.
Storming out during the intervention might have escalated the situation.
I know important to address my parent’s concerns calmly and try to understand their perspective. Their insistence on me finding a job quickly is likely driven by worry and care, even if their approach feels harsh.
I guess I don’t understand why they are being so tough on me when my sister has done nothing but mooch off my parents and slack in school.
Why can’t they turn their attention to her first?
I really just wanted to take some time to relax and find a job that fits me and pays well. Right now I’m just ready to accept whichever marketing job offers me a position far away from home so I won’t have to come back.
This all has been extremely stressful. Now my mom and dad won’t talk to me. I’m not sure if my actions are reasonable or not. Please help a girl out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Job hunting is a numbers game. Keep sending out résumés, including temporary positions (contract work).
If you aren’t getting interviews, go to one or more personnel directors and ask them what you’re doing wrong. In my own not-so-humble opinion your parents are, at best, slightly neurotic. Live with your partner, ignore your parents, and find a job.” MadJackRacham
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – My son just graduated in June this past year and he is searching for a job. I know that he just spent 4 tough years getting his STEM degree and wouldn’t even think of pressuring him the way your parents are doing. The job market is tight right now so I know it will take some time and I am giving him that time.
But freaking out and trying to intervene when it has only been 3 weeks since you graduated is really beyond the pale. I think your parents are the ones who need the intervention, not you. Maybe you can enlist some other family members for that? So turn the tables on them and do an intervention.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know how it feels being fresh out of college (a long time ago). Rather than part-time work, try a temp agency. I had no idea what I wanted to do after I graduated but I ended up (after a couple of temp jobs) in a temp-to-hire position which was the best decision I ever made.” sickofdriving007
13. AITJ For Supporting My Daughter's Use Of Strong Language To Confront Her Bully?
“My youngest daughter, fake name Tali, 13, has gorgeous red wavy hair.
Think Merida from Brave, bright copper, and mid-back length.
This is her first year in middle school, which started two weeks ago. Tali told me over this weekend that she’s having trouble in one of her classes. There’s a girl that sits next to her that for whatever reason has been pulling my daughter’s hair multiple times in class every day.
This class doesn’t have assigned seating and no matter where Tali sits, this girl purposely sits next to her. Tali has told this student to stop touching her every time, which was ignored. After enduring this torment for a few days, Tali told her teacher who scolded the student.
The girl stopped for a day, but did it again the following day while threatening Tali with, “You better not tell the teacher or else.” This scared Tali that the girl may try to do something to her hair which prompted her to talk to me.
Tali is proud of the unique shade of her hair as the majority of other redheads she’s met are strawberry blonde or deep auburn. For years, she’s been taking extra care of it, hoping to grow past her waist so she is able to donate her hair to an organization that provides wigs for children fighting cancer.
Tali has told me she would be devastated if something happened that prevented her from achieving her goal.
When Tali told me what’s been going on, I told her that next time this girl does it she’s to tell her teacher again, and if the teacher doesn’t get this handled then we will both go to the principal and have the harassment documented and request an immediate resolution.
Well, today, I asked her if anything happened. She said yes it happened again. Then Tali tells me that this time the girl yanked her hair even harder than before, which caused even more pain. That angered Tali badly, she immediately stood up in the middle of class, walked straight up to her teacher, and said, “That witch is yanking my hair again!” The teacher immediately moved the girl and is now enforcing an assigned seat for the girl.
Tali is happy with the arrangement. The teacher didn’t scold Tali for her language.
Tali asked me if she was in trouble with me for saying what she said. I told her no, that the girl’s continued harassment and by addressing her anger as such to the teacher was warranted to let it be known she was DONE with this nonsense.
I’m proud Tali defended herself and spoke up against someone touching her body without her consent. When I told a friend of the situation, they were appalled I let my daughter use such language and how I should discipline her for her outburst. I disagree.
So am I the jerk for thinking my daughter was in the right of speaking how she felt in that moment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Former middle school teacher here. If more kids would stand up for themselves like your daughter, the bullies would be hiding.
You should be proud of her. Kids shouldn’t have to be in these situations, but as a teacher, it is often very hard to help. As soon as a kid complains to an adult, they become a bigger target. It’s hard to believe the teacher didn’t enforce assigned seating, at least for the bully, after the first complaint.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Good for your daughter! As for the language, it is developmentally appropriate for kids of this age to experiment with it. It’s part of them developing a sense of autonomy. Learning when to use certain “vocabulary” is part of maturing. If you feel she starts using strong words too frequently it is fine to set limits like “I keep hearing you use ______ a lot, I would prefer you not use that language around me.” RelativeMolasses9135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tali should be commended for standing up for herself. She also effectively used language to get the needed result. It is unlikely that the teacher would have resolved the situation without the use of language as it signaled to the teacher that Tali was ready and willing to resort to other means.
Sometimes escalation is necessary. Your friend is an idiot – both in thinking that it was unwarranted and in thinking that he could dictate to you how to raise your child. I am sure we could make other inferences about him.” Character-Toe-2137
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tali letting off a little steam in the form of a cuss word was understandable. It was an effective way to communicate with all involved that she had reached her breaking point. I’m glad the teacher finally took some action! I’m also glad the teacher and you didn’t focus on the cuss word…the issue here is the OTHER girl’s actions!
Anyway, don’t be surprised when moving seats doesn’t stop the behavior and the next call you get from school is that Tali throat punched her. Don’t freak out about that, either…Tali is almost certainly going to end up having to meet force with force.
This type of bully doesn’t respond to the types of interventions grown-ups will impose on her. She’s only going to get the message when someone dishes back what she’s been doing to others. Maybe someone else will end up being the one to do it, but SOMEONE is going to clock this girl eventually.
Good luck, Tali!” MountainMixture9645
12. AITJ For Secretly Planning An Extravagant Birthday Party For My Step-Son?
“I’m (33M) currently engaged to my fiancée (30F), and we’re blending our families.
I have a son (9M), and she has a son (11M). My son is turning 10 soon, and we’re planning a big birthday celebration for him. This is a tough time of year for us because his mum passed away on his 5th birthday, so I’ve always tried to make it a day filled with happy memories rather than sad ones.
My son has his heart set on renting out a cinema screen to play on his Switch with his friends. It’s a bit extravagant, but it’s something our local cinema offers. He also wants a VR headset and a new iPad, along with a nice birthday meal. I know it’s a lot, but I can afford it, and it’s the one time of year I go all out for him.
The issue is, my fiancée isn’t happy about it. She makes minimum wage, and although she’s moved into my home (which I own outright, thanks to my grandfather leaving it to me), she doesn’t contribute to the household finances or bills.
I cover everything, including groceries, which go on my credit card and I pay off at the end of the month. We’ve kept our finances separate, and she originally offered to pay rent, but I refused because I didn’t think it was necessary.
Here’s where it gets tricky. My fiancée is upset because she can’t afford to give her son an equal birthday party. I offered to pay for her son to have a party that’s just as special as the one I’m planning for my son, but she refused. She feels like it’s something she should be able to do for him on her own, and I completely understand that.
However, I don’t want my stepson to feel left out or like he’s less important, so I’m thinking about secretly booking a party for him anyway. So I was considering booking a party (of equal value but something my stepson wants) but telling him to keep it secret from his mum until the day.
In my head, this would be romantic and show that I cared about him. I would tell my fiancée that I would sort out the party but stick to her budget, so there wasn’t something booked twice. But secretly let her son pick whatever he wants and give him the same budget I did my son.
A close friend of mine (who happens to be female) thinks this is a terrible idea. She believes that if I go behind my fiancée’s back, it’ll just make her feel worse about not being able to provide for her son and might cause tension between us.
She’s warned me that it could come across as me undermining her role as a mother and that I should just leave it alone after offering.
So, WIBTJ if I secretly book a party for my stepson even though his mum doesn’t want me to?
I just want both boys to feel equally special, but I also don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama in our relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s well-intentioned, but YWBTJ. If you’ve had the conversation and the answer was no, respect that. Surprises can blow up in your face, especially if you were told no. This is something that you should sort out with her now though, because is she going to be this way through your marriage?
It seems like something you both should be on the same page for.” cndnsportsfan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is an issue you need to work out with your fiance. She’s already said no to you booking your stepson a party, why would it be romantic to do a thing she asked you not to do?
I don’t think she’s being particularly reasonable with how she’s handling this, but you have to work this out together.” ricebasket
Another User Comments:
“What a bad place you are in. No matter what you do, you are going to be a jerk to someone.
But I would say NTJ. Your fiancé is letting her ego get in the way, not only of giving her son a great birthday, but creating a real blended family where “Her kid/His Kid” becomes just “Their kids”. She shouldn’t treat her son any differently than yours.
And you WANT to treat her son just as yours, but she is preventing you. That will just cause problems and resentment in the future. Those kids need to be siblings and equals.” IrrelevantManatee
11. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Parents' Double Standards On Health Education?
“I had a wildly different set of parents that my brother experienced. For a little context, I grew up in a big church.
We went two or three times a week for services or volunteering for different things. This was very much a typical big church that’s known to shame women and girls for having any kind of desires and their purity is compared to chewed gum or a damaged package.
With that in mind, my parents taught me that my purity is the most important thing I can do for myself. This of course led to a lot of shame within myself any time I had a perfectly normal thought throughout puberty.
I remember one time specifically when my parents found a note my partner and I were passing, planning to “do the deed” on prom night.
Well once my mom found it of course it was taken to the extreme. She called my partner’s parents and we ended up all meeting at church in a small room to talk about why the two of us shouldn’t be getting intimate. That’s right.
His parents, my parents me, and my partner were all in a circle talking about intimacy. Super awkward, and embarrassing, and only added to the shame I still hold as an adult when it comes to intimacy.
Fast forward, I’m out of the house and my brother, who’s 7 years younger than me, is now at the age where the birds and bees talk is relevant.
I was already feeling some kind of way because my parents let him go out with friends and stay out late when I was never allowed out past 9 or 10 and always got the 3rd degree about who I was with, where, and how long. If someone was there she didn’t like or if there wasn’t a good ratio of girls to guys, I couldn’t go.
So come Christmas time, I was very shocked to hear my brother received protection as a gift from our parents. Not only did they never shame him the way they did me, but come to find out, they had done more than just gift him protection.
They had invited his high school partner to go on vacation with him, the four of them had separate rooms, and she was allowed to stay the night whenever she wanted.
I had tried to ask about it but at that point, I was happily married and moved out of the house for a while, it still bugs me how they can treat the two of us so differently.
When I asked, I only got short answers like, “Well he’s a boy” and “It’s different for boys” as if he can’t get multiple people pregnant in a year while I, realistically can only have one full-term baby a year.
Is AITJ for this still bothering me?
Are boys truly different or is she the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Boys are not some different species and your mom is giving preferential treatment to your brother. Your parents have double standards. Plenty of women have the same experience of being shamed for something as “scandalous” as wearing only a knee-length skirt and not a maxi skirt.
The intense intertwinement of religion and sexism is so incredibly damaging. Go ahead and be upset.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. But I find it funny when parents say with a boy it’s different and boys will be boys. Yet those boys are screwing with the purity of someone else’s child.
Real Christian-like behavior there. It’s not ok for my daughter, but why should I care if my son shames someone else? Hate the double standards there, but so many people still only see the female population as cattle to be used as how great their parenting is.” tiny-pest
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. I had a similar conversation with a friend who expressed sympathy for me because my child was a girl (about 12 at the time). We were talking about pregnancy and I said yeah, but my kid can only come home once a year and say she’s pregnant.
Your 3 boys can come home once a week and say they’re gonna be a dad. The joke’s on you! It’s been 15 years and she still hasn’t come home pregnant lol. Haven’t talked to that friend in about the same time.” AtmosphereOk7872
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s very unfortunate, but sadly common, that boys are held to different standards than girls in several cultures. It’s very wrong indeed. The only reason (and only partly understandable even then) that your parents were especially concerned about you though was probably concern for your reputation as you live in such circles.
Boys who get girls to sleep with them are generally considered ‘lads’ and ‘virile’. The girls who sleep with these boys however are considered ‘easy’ and to have less ‘worth’ than girls who won’t do that. Once you’ve been labeled as that, if you continue to live in such communities, then you will always be looked down on.
It’s appalling and unchristian but it is a very commonly held traditional attitude. And I don’t blame you at all for being upset as that is a major double standard. I’m very pleased you found a good partner as an adult.” cynical_old_mare
10. AITJ For Asking To Wear A Suit Instead Of A Dress At My Brother's Wedding?
“So for context, I’m a 17-year-old girl. I have an undercut and dyed hair all the time. I’m fruity and I hate dresses or skirts.Today, after coming home from work, my family (my mom, my brother Ted, his fiancé Lila, and me) started talking about my brother and his fiancé’s wedding.
They are getting married in May 2025.
I’m just listening to the whole conversation while eating my dinner after work. I then hear my mom ask the question “What kind of dresses are you thinking for the bridesmaids? Are they all gonna be identical or are you thinking just the same color and they can pick their styles?”
Don’t get me wrong, if they were to come out and say to my face, “I’d prefer it if you wore a dress” I totally would, but I’ve always hated them. They’re either fridge-shaped grandma dresses or overly revealing dresses. No dress has ever flattered my body and personality.
During my sophomore year homecoming dance, I wore a button-down with a corset and dress pants. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fully masculine, but I prefer not to be a super “girly girl” if that makes sense. It’s not who I am.
I chimed in after Lila said that she wasn’t sure about the dresses yet and I asked if there was any way I could possibly not wear a dress (I’m one of the bridesmaids) and maybe instead wear a suit of sorts or a tux?
Lilac looked over at my brother Ted and then both seemed fine with it. No obvious disgust or dislike for the idea.
I then see my mom in the background shaking her head and mouthing “Stop it”. Lila and Ted both said it shouldn’t be an issue and they actually have “dresses” that are pants instead of skirts but still flow enough to pass as a dress if I would prefer that since it’s not a skirt and I wouldn’t have to be uncomfortable all night.
I just explained how I felt. I hate the more girly look of dresses and have no interest in wearing any frilly fluffy thing if I have the choice.
My mom just kept motioning to shut up like I was doing something wrong. Lila said that she would see about it, but didn’t seem bothered at all.
My brother just kind of lost interest in the conversation while playing with his fur baby so I’m sure they’ll talk more about it later, but I just feel like it’s now my fault for ruining their “perfect wedding plans” all because of my preference in the clothing I wear.
It would be one thing I think if I wore dresses but just didn’t wanna wear what she picked, but I genuinely hate dresses with a passion. The only two I own are used as “laundry day clothes”.
So, AITJ for asking my brother and his fiancé if I can wear a suit at their wedding instead of a dress?”
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t seem like Lila or your brother were bothered by your request. NTJ for asking. Sounds like Lila is open to discussing options with you. When those discussions happen, try to be flexible. There may be a non-tux option that works well with the look that Lila is going for while still being less feminine for you.
I like the idea of a suit. I don’t see how your request would ruin their “perfect wedding plans”. If they want you to wear a dress, they should tell you that at which point you can decide if you can wear one of the dress options or if you need to decline being a bridesmaid.” Miserable-Arm-6797
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like the couple is fine with you wearing a suit and it’s your mother who is freaked out about it. Bottom line, not her wedding so not her call. If the couple had a problem with it they can tell you that themselves.
If your mother tells you she has a problem with it, tell her it’s ultimately not her decision. If no one bothers you about it, don’t let your head create problems that aren’t there. Sure some great aunt or uncle is going to have some sort of opinion about it, but they can stuff it.
NTJ, the couple is fine with it so no need to freak out.” RikkitikkitaviBommel
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you’re looking for inspiration, there were some amazing pantsuits and extremely elegant jumpsuits for female movie stars in the 1930s and 40s, including some of Ginger Roger’s dance outfits in her movies with Fred Astaire.
They range from very feminine to fairly masculine in style, but are always classy and stylish. Might be worth doing some research along those lines.” Hairy_rambutan
9. AITJ For Refusing To Wear A Skimpy Maid Costume To A Party?
“So I (22F) live with my friend (22F) and she recently met a guy at a beach party. She’s pretty much obsessed with him because he comes from a well-known, well-off family in the area and has a certain level of status associated with him.
She told me they were “sort of” seeing each other and I’ve been supportive throughout it all, as a friend.
However, I’ve met him a few times and I don’t exactly hold favorable opinions of him. I didn’t tell my friend because I wasn’t fully sure of my views yet and I didn’t want to be negative.
Anyway, he’s throwing a party soon and invited my friend, he asked her to bring me along too. He said it was a themed party and that everyone would be assigned a character/style to wear. He sent my friend a picture of our outfits: two skimpy maid costumes sprawled on a bed.
I immediately told her that I wouldn’t be wearing that especially not to a party with a bunch of strangers. Initially, she thought I was kidding but then understood that I was serious.
She said that wearing these outfits isn’t a big deal at all and that I need to stop being so “prudish and serious”.
I told her that it is VERY humiliating that this guy thinks it’s perfectly fine to request two women to wear that to his party (like you’re seriously asking two girls who are not as rich as you to dress up as MAIDS to your party???).
I asked her if she seriously saw nothing wrong with it and she said no. She explained that he just has a weird taste and that it might be a weird rich people thing.
I told her again that I would not be wearing some skimpy maid costume.
Not only is it embarrassing, but it is especially disrespectful to me because I don’t have any sort of meaningful relationship with the guy and yet he thought it was appropriate to include me in this request.
I told her that I wouldn’t be wearing the clothes, wouldn’t be going to the party, and would from now on avoid her new friend altogether.
We had a massive argument and she said that I’m lame, boring, and not a supportive friend. She said that instead of helping her I’m ruining everything and being a killjoy.
When she fed back to the guy that I’m refusing to participate he even asked her if getting paid for it would change my mind.
That made it even WORSE. He told her that I have the right attitude (which makes no sense as I’ve been combative all this time) and that his friends would love to get to know me. I’m just getting angry typing this.
I was pretty upset & told my dad about the situation.
The party is tomorrow night and my friend decided to go alone, and she’s not really talking to me rn. Am I the jerk? Or is she? I feel strangely very guilty even though I’m standing up for my boundaries. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Dearie, don’t you even think about giving in and going to that party! And your friend should run from this guy as fast as her feet can carry her, but she may be shallower than you and she may enjoy being exploited. Don’t you feel one bit guilty?
This is not a good man and far from respectable. STAY AWAY FROM THAT CROWD. And anybody who chooses “Professional Donut” as a screen name deserves to be treated with deep respect and kindness.” MirrorAggravating339
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. You set a clear boundary, and it’s reasonable not to want to wear something that makes you uncomfortable, especially in a situation that feels disrespectful.
Your friend is putting this guy’s approval above your comfort, which isn’t fair to you. Trust your gut, and don’t feel guilty for standing up for yourself.” KendallKismet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is creepy on so many levels. First, the classism – expecting not-wealthy partygoers to wear maid costumes.
Second – the sexism. Your friend is being totally objectified and possibly worse. They are not seeing each other, and there are no long-term prospects for this “relationship”. I shudder to think what is going to happen at this party.” Background-Purple844
8. AITJ For Not Giving The Corridor Code To A Colleague With Bowel Issues?
“I work in a hospital in an administrative corridor.
It’s in the middle of nowhere in the hospital (as in not a lot of foot traffic from staff or patients) and as a result, there is a single toilet in our corridor to cover our 5 offices. The door to the toilet is opposite my office door.
We all go on break and lunch together 90% of the time leaving the corridor empty for 30-50mins. We started noticing now and then that someone was using the toilet while we were out. In itself not a problem but the smell and occasional mess (wasn’t always fully flushed or blocked) were awful.
There are no windows so no way to dissipate the smell and the air freshener was irritating.
Over the last few months it’s been happening more and more regularly it can be 3 times a week or twice in one day sometimes. We have no idea who is doing it and there’s no pattern to it, also no one wants to confront the culprit if we did see them so we were just living with it gross as it is.
2 weeks ago all but one of us went on break and a patient wandered into the corridor, was acting strangely, and blocked the colleague in her office, she was pretty shaken up but thankfully we do have panic buttons in our offices. Afterward, I submitted a request for a lock on the corridor it’s one of those key code ones and a bell.
It’s mildly annoying but we get very little traffic outside mail and a few Drs so it’s not like we constantly have to let people in.
It got installed on Wednesday last week and on Friday I got an email from one of the medical secretaries (who works on a different floor) asking for the code for our corridor.
I responded why would she need it? Immediately my phone rings. She explains she has bowel issues that she takes laxatives for and the toilet in our corridor is one of the only single cubical toilets in the hospital and it has the most privacy so she will be stuck without it.
Where I might be the jerk. I told her I was sorry but I didn’t think we would be giving the code to any nonnecessary staff and hung up. The office is a bit mixed. Most are glad we won’t have to deal with the stink she leaves behind but one girl thinks we are being needlessly cruel and it’s not the reason we have the lock so we shouldn’t gatekeep a toilet and one is flip-flopping.
I do feel bad for her BUT she was making our work environment seriously unpleasant regularly.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she has a medical issue that needs accommodation, she needs to speak to her employer about that. It is not your problem or responsibility.
If she wants access, she needs to contact her employer and ask for it. The reason she hasn’t done so is because she knows they would probably say no. She’s an adult, she needs to figure it out herself, unfortunately.” Guilty-Company-9755
Another User Comments:
“The people calling you the jerk are out of their minds.
There is no reason for her to use the toilet on your floor. She must pass multiple bathrooms, based on your description of the hospital’s layout, so she can use one of those. Her bowel issues are no excuse for her to wreck the ONLY toilet available on your floor!
NTJ” Interesting-Goat5414
Another User Comments:
“I’m a person with bowel issues- I empathize with what she’s going through. That said, NTJ. She should go to her supervisor or HR and explain the problem, there is probably a reasonable accommodation to be made for her. They can give her the code if they want to let her use that bathroom, or find her somewhere else to go.
Not your problem to solve.” Aside_No
7. AITJ For Ditching My Friend After She Broke Our Financial Agreement?
“So last month, a friend and I agreed to watch a play in the west end with a ticket costing 35 pounds for each of us.
I asked her to pay me back but she said that she couldn’t due to financial issues she would be happy to cover the meal we would have prior to the show. This would work quite well as it would also have been my birthday weekend, so it’s like a cute little plan.
The day arrives and we decide to go to a gallery. There was a paid exhibition that I paid for too and we had a good time. I remember asking her if she was going to be okay with covering the bill as I know she is incredibly unreliable.
She assured me everything was good.
Well, lo and behold when it came to cover the bill of the lunch, she made me split it 50:50. I vividly remember coming back from the bathroom and seeing the bill right there and all she had said was “I was waiting for you”.
She had no intention as we agreed and had told the waiter to split it in half. I paid obviously. For the avoidance of doubt, we ordered the same stuff basically and the literal difference between the price ticket and the food was like 3 pounds.
At that point, we left for the theatre and I asked if she wanted the tickets as I was going home as I was feeling quite drained (from her behavior). The first reasoning I got was that she simply couldn’t afford it but then she changed it (in less than 10 seconds) saying she was trying to save money.
She all suddenly became quiet and I tried explaining to her the principle that I thought she effectively lied to me and was going to a theatre show for free at my complete expense when I’m too not made of money. She seemed upset and when I asked her if she had anything to say she just said “I don’t know what to say”.
So I left and ditched the plans, just because I knew she had no good intentions and found it quite muggy.
The next day of all this, she called me to apologize but I said I needed time to think about it. I messaged her pouring my feelings out about the situation.
It’s been now like 4 days and she hasn’t replied to my message. Also for context, she once stood me up for a concert that I had a spare ticket for like a year ago. She completely ignored my calls and just apologised saying she couldn’t make it the day AFTER.
I raised this with her as it was disrespectful, and we made amends. She’s doing the same thing of airing me and just straight up being held accountable for her lying. But at the same time she’s making me seem like a jerk, so am I?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had a similar experience with a friend who was always unreliable with money. It’s tough when you feel like you’re being taken for granted. You’re not a jerk for wanting to be treated fairly and having your feelings validated.” UrLilyLane
Another User Comments:
“Why would you make plans involving money with her? She’s unreliable and entitled. But as the old saying goes: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” RandoCollision
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unless you yes continue to allow her to take advantage of you when you are aware she is.
She hasn’t responded because she doesn’t have any way to excuse her behavior.” beginagain4me
6. AITJ For Refusing To Be Involved With My Brother's Abusive Partner And Their Baby?
“I (18F) have an older brother (24M) who I’ve been close to most of my life. We weren’t best friends, but we rarely fought and usually had each other’s backs.
He started working at a retail store two years ago, where he met his now-partner, Nancy (fake name). He began seeing her in February of last year. I didn’t have strong opinions about her initially, but she quickly showed questionable behavior.
My brother told me she was being unfaithful to him just two weeks into their relationship, along with other issues.
While I hate unfaithful people, I let my brother handle his relationship. This continued for about five months, revealing more red flags. Both my mom and I noticed bruises on him, and his personality changed significantly. Concerned, we contacted one of his best friends, who also worked with Nancy.
He confirmed her abusive behavior, leaving us even more worried.
I reached out to another friend, whose partner, Sofia, was related to Nancy and had lived with her. Sofia and her mom confirmed Nancy’s problematic nature, including stealing, home-wrecking, and lying. I became increasingly worried about my brother’s well-being.
Despite my feelings, I pretended to be friendly with Nancy while starting a new school and getting to know my now-partner. Not long after, Nancy pressured my brother into moving out. She’d been living on her own since she was 20 (she’s now 22) with minimal parental involvement, so I don’t entirely blame her for her behavior.
Two weeks after moving to our grandma’s house, my brother visited and nervously revealed that Nancy was pregnant. The news shattered me. I cried uncontrollably, and my parents were also unhappy. We doubted the baby was his.
From that point, I avoided Nancy entirely. On New Year’s Eve, she texted me from a coworker’s phone, accusing me of immaturity and saying she didn’t want me near her baby.
My brother confronted me, and I explained that she was destroying her last family connections. My parents sided with me and asked my brother to talk to her. I didn’t respond to Nancy’s text to avoid giving her more ammunition against me.
A few weeks later, my uncle invited my mom to his house.
We arrived to find my brother, Nancy, my uncle, and his wife, Anna, discussing a social media message where my mom had called Anna mean names because she called Nancy ugly. They sorted it out, but Nancy loudly repeated her accusations against me, calling me spoiled. I lost my temper and told her everything I thought of her.
After that, my parents insisted I be nice to Nancy, but I refused. The baby was born on June 11th. My parents forced me to go to the hospital, but I didn’t see the baby. When my brother and Nancy came to our house unannounced, they forced me to hold the baby.
I barely looked at Nancy.
Now, my parents are pressuring me to be happy about the baby and spend time with Nancy and my brother. But I stand firm in not wanting to be involved.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry for your situation OP, I wish you the best and hope you will be able to share an update that things have gotten better for you.” Spooky365
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the specific thing you asked about. But you need to check yourself and start minding your business more regularly. Nobody likes a busybody.” Few_System3573
5. AITJ For Wanting My Partner And Their Mom To Help Keep The House Clean?
“My (20F) partner (20X) and I both attend college out of state from where we’re originally from, but we used to live in very different areas (myself from LA, my partner from Chicago). We’re likely moving back to Chicago together after college for several reasons, but the main one is that their mom (60ish) lives comfortably in a spacious home that she’s willing to let us live at for minimal rent contingent on taking care of the house while we’re there.
Of course, I’m not oblivious to how good of a situation this is, and I’m incredibly grateful she offered this to us.
This is where my problem with this plan arises: her house (when I went to visit recently) was pretty messy. The kind of mess where clothes are on the floor in the kitchen and pots are left in the bedroom.
Cardboard boxes everywhere, non-emptied cat litter boxes, various forms and documents on various surfaces, etc. From what I’ve gathered from talking with my partner, her house usually looks relatively messy, but some external circumstances before I arrived caused it to get worse, which I can completely understand.
However, my partner and their mother both have very severe ADHD, even after taking their medication, and I fear that I would end up being the one to clean the house every week (while I don’t want to play the mental health card, my own moderate OCD plays into this fear.
I should also mention that our mental health has caused some minor conflicts in the past, but we have a really solid line of communication that has prevented anything from blowing up).
I’ve brought up the idea that, if I were to live there long-term, I would appreciate the house being cleaned relatively soon after I moved in, which they were very open to, and said their mom would love the help with cleaning the house.
Of course, I would help with that, and I’d also be happy to lead the charge on that if that’s what they need, but I want the process to be theirs more, with me just being the one to help out with the manual labor.
However, I’ve been hesitant to bring up my second concern of becoming a cleaning person for the house when I move in, largely because I don’t think my partner will take it well. In the past when I’ve tried to help them clean their dorm room and keep it clean, they’ve reacted poorly and with discomfort, which I’ve tried my best to be kind to.
But because of these reactions, I’m scared to get even more involved when it comes time to live with them fully, and I’m afraid that I may end up silently doing most of the work and only delegating when I’m at the end of my rope instead of when it would be beneficial for everyone else.
WIBTJ if I made my partner and their mom help me keep the house clean before and while I live there?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m curious about the circumstances that have someone leaving clothes on the floor in the kitchen and pots in a bedroom.
If you’re planning on living there I’d get used to the idea of being a full-time maid if that’s how they live and if you’re not interested in that because I highly doubt this 60-year-old woman and possibly even your significant other will change your accommodate you.” MrChaddious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t move in unless you’re prepared to be the full-time maid. Mom doesn’t mind living in a pigpen and her son appears to be cut from the same cloth. The only way I would move in is if it was rent-free with utilities included in exchange for housekeeping.
Do a big cleanup and then keep on top of it, that way you can bank some money.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk but seriously, why would you want to go live in that place? She expects you to be the cleaning person.
My 11yo kid has ADHD and he keeps his room clean and takes care of his stuff. Don’t you dare to excuse those pathetic slobs with the mental health card?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You will be 3 sharing and the mess will not be majority yours in any case.
You should ask that a budget be allowed, paid by all 3, for a cleaner to come in every week to start and maybe less if the house stays clean once you are there. If they refuse, you could choose to live mainly in one part of the house, and set yourself up a mini-apartment perhaps, and leaving the parts of the house that they refuse to keep tidy as their responsibility.
NTJ but you should really get a cleaner hired before you move in for good.” hadMcDofordinner
4. AITJ For Attending My Estranged Brother's Wedding After Being Invited?
“I (33M) recently attended my younger brother’s (31) wedding, and I’m struggling with something that happened there.
I’m aware that reaching out to the internet for advice isn’t always the best decision, but I realized this issue involves a lot of personal bias and feelings within my family, which is why I could use some outside perspective.
A little backstory: My brother and I didn’t have the best relationship growing up.
I wasn’t a good older brother to him or our other siblings, and part of that was because I was an immature, insecure kid who targeted my brother specifically a lot. I was downright awful to him at times. We come from a conservative family, and while that’s not an excuse, it was part of why I behaved the way I did.
This didn’t change until we were both adults, but I’ve since grown up, realized how wrong I was, and solved some internalized problems. I have apologized to him several times over the past few years. He’s been polite, but things have been distant.
I only see him on special occasions like family birthdays and holidays, but even those are rare.
A few months ago, I got an invitation to his wedding, which surprised me. I hadn’t spoken to him about it, but after talking with my sister, I decided to go.
It felt rude not to. At the wedding, I mostly spent time catching up with family, and after a while, I went to say hi to my brother when I saw him at the gift table.
That’s when things took a turn. Before I could even get a word out, he already looked uncomfortable.
We exchanged the usual pleasantries, but there was this underlying tension I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Then, out of nowhere, he told me he hadn’t wanted me there at all. He said that while his husband had insisted on inviting me, he wasn’t ready to have me at such an important event in his life and that I should’ve known that.
I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say and was embarrassed. The conversation ended awkwardly. Feeling embarrassed and unwelcome, I left the wedding early and spent the rest of the day overthinking everything.
It’s been a few days, and I haven’t contacted my brother since.
My other family members are split, with some saying maybe I should’ve known better. I’m unsure if I should reach out to him or just give him space. It’s not that I don’t understand why he feels the way he does, but at some point, I feel like his resentment is making things worse.
It’s putting our family in this awkward position where people start taking sides, and it feels like I’m constantly being judged for something I’ve already apologized for multiple times. I don’t want our family to keep seeing me as the person I used to be, because that’s not who I am anymore.
So, AITJ for attending his wedding when I was invited, but not welcome?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…for attending a wedding you were invited to, but overall YTJ. “At some point, his resentment is making things worse, putting your family in an awkward position”. No, you did that from years of mistreatment towards your brother.
(Which I am going to guess is because your brother is gay). Now, that you are grown up, you just expect your brother to forgive and forget? That is never going to happen. You may be cordial from now on, but I do not think your brother is ever going to get over what you did in his formative years and you are never going to have a close, brotherly bond.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“YTJ just because you apologized it doesn’t take the long-term mistreatment away. You admit you were horrible and you think a few apologies will fix it?! You’re wrong. You are being judged because of your actions. These are the consequences of your bad behavior.
If you say you’re a better person prove it. You don’t prove it by saying he is creating issues with his resentment. Wrong thing to say and think. This is your mess. Don’t you dare put any of this on him? Give him space.
Don’t try to convince others you’re better. Show them. Give him time. You owe more than a few apologies” AvocadoJazzlike3670.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You did not receive an invitation addressed to you and you did not RSVP. You assumed you were included in a general “family” invite and just showed up.
Your brother is right in saying that you should have known better. While I’m glad to hear that you have grown up and realized you treated your brother unfairly in the past, your change in attitude doesn’t automatically entitle you to his forgiveness.
It is not clear to me that you have made any sincere efforts to make amends. I think you still have some more growing to do.” Used_Mark_7911
3. AITJ For Speaking In Different Languages To Accommodate Hotel Guests?
“I (32F) work at a hotel on the west coast. Our town is a tourist destination for the beach and other notable spots. We get people from the States, and especially from other countries, which is what’s important for this story.
I have always gotten along with my colleagues, but recently I have been getting flack from one coworker (m50s) who we will call Brad, who is one of our somewhat recent additions by pure nepotism (possibly relevant).
I dabble in multiple languages, learning the basics, especially for the cultures we see frequently (i.e. French, German, Spanish). I take great pleasure in learning the history of places around the world and love learning new things through my work, so when I get guests from a place where I know some of the languages, I tend to welcome them in their language and help explain hotel rules/paperwork, and I have yet to have an experience where they were offended. Rather, they have always been grateful, especially when their English is not as good.
It has always gone smoothly, but Brad has been raising issues with me for “not speaking normally where everyone can understand.” I have never gotten in trouble before for doing this, especially since I am the only native speaker who can effectively communicate with our non-English-speaking workers.
More and more often, he tries to take me aside after hearing me not speak English, saying that I “shouldn’t be pretending to be something I’m not” (I don’t know what I’d be pretending to be?) And that it’s “extremely” offensive to the rest of our front desk workers who only speak English and cannot understand what I am saying, because in his words, “how do we know that you’re telling them what you should be?” (like where the pool is, what time breakfast is, etc).
It really is such a ridiculous thing to be so bent out of shape over, but I do try to reassure everyone that I am just helping those who don’t understand English very well, and that honestly it’s a good way to make connections and even get return customers (some of my favorite return customers are foreigners who I have helped before).
Now, while my manager has never cared before, lately she has asked me “for the sake of everyone” to just speak in a way everyone can understand. I know it’s because Brad has used his connections with management to make a fuss, but I genuinely don’t understand what is so bad about helping guests understand in a way that’s more comfortable for them, especially when we are supposed to pride ourselves on ensuring guests’ comfort.
I have tried talking to Brad about this, and to other colleagues as well, to see if what I’m doing is truly making them uncomfortable, and I am getting quite frustrated. I’ve stopped for now, but it makes me sad to see our foreign guests struggle.
I genuinely don’t know where I would be the jerk in this, but maybe I am for creating tension in the workplace.
So AITJ for speaking in other languages at work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your manager is the jerk – if you want to escalate, REPORT your manager, tell top management in writing he is forbidding you to accommodate guests/customers by talking to them in their languages, and he is demanding you stop.
And you need management to rule. But ignoring him is best. Find another job.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“Find a hotel that is willing to pay extra for a front desk employee who can speak multiple languages. My mother worked at a place that paid an extra $1 per hour for each language.
The test was just to be able to check someone in, give them the run down, and answer a few simple questions about the general area. There was a bellman at their sister hotel across town who passed the test with 10 or so languages. This was the early 00s so his base pay was about less than his bonus pay.” 10qwertyuiop10
Another User Comments:
“Merciful Poseidon. It’s the first time I’ve heard of someone working in the hotel business not understanding the importance of knowing the languages spoken by guests. This Brad is stupid. Or, more likely, he’s from the old guard of schemers who see more promising colleagues as a threat to his position.
If I were you, I would report this situation to the company management. Because, essentially, Brad is a saboteur.” gjklopart122
2. AITJ For Telling My Dad I Feel Disrespected When He Prays For My Conversion To Christianity?
“So I (31M) am an atheist. I grew up Southern Baptist but never found comfort or community in the church.
When I was around 16 I started asking questions to the pastor and his answers tended to feel like cop-outs and ultimately led to “just have faith”. It didn’t make sense to me so I left and mostly consider myself atheist. I do occasionally do some meditation and pagan-adjacent rituals to help ground myself and feel a sense of control when I know things are beyond my control.
I know I’m not manipulating the world with magic but it helps give me a sense of control when life gets too chaotic. Praying is the same thing.
Growing up my dad never went to church but after I graduated college and he got sober, he dived deep into religion.
I’m happy for him and happy it’s helped his sobriety but he can be a bit much sometimes. He knows I’m an atheist and while he claims to accept it, he has vocalized that he wishes for me to come back to the church and restore my relationship with god.
To clarify, he’s cool with me being gay it’s just being atheist that bothers him.
Last weekend I was visiting my dad and I was telling him about this guy I was seeing (by the way I’m gay. Surprise!) and how even though we have a difference of faith we respect each other.
My partner is Christian and was raised catholic. My dad asked what I meant by that and I explained how we wouldn’t belittle each other about what we believe nor try to convert each other. I mentioned how I had stipulated that while I don’t mind him praying for my well-being and positive outcomes, I don’t want him to pray for me to become Christian or anything of the like.
My partner agreed and we are good on that front.
My dad then proceeded to tell me that every night when he prays that he prays I find the light and become Christian again. I told my dad that this feel disrespectful to me and while I can’t change how he prays I don’t like that he prays I convert.
This made my dad angry. He accused me of disrespecting him by telling him how he could and couldn’t pray and that he just wanted me to be happy. I asked him, “Happy as what?” That made him more mad. He yelled that I had no right to control his prayers and that I should be grateful he prayed for me to be happy.
I told him I was happy being an atheist and I didn’t want to change that. He screamed that he didn’t want me to change but to just start believing in god again. I yelled back that doing that was changing.
He got upset and told me to get out.
So I left and went home. Now he’s blowing up my phone and saying I’m a jerk for not resolving this like adults, I don’t think adults solve problems like this but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So he just wants you to be happy as long as it follows his narrative?
The only one acting immature is him If he TRULY wanted you to be happy he would accept you as you are and respect that you’re not religious This is why I can’t stand fundamentalists because it’s their way or the highway but meanwhile if they do something even slightly hypocritical suddenly they find an excuse that their religion allows it Keep being you OP and if your dad won’t accept it maybe it’s time to limit contact with him” ColdstreamCapple.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d tell your dad that he shouldn’t have even told you the contents of his prayers. From his point of view, surely they are between him and his god. His *telling* you that he prays for you to become Christian is different than him simply doing it in private.
Once he involves you in what should be a private act he can’t then complain about you giving your opinion on it. It’s no longer a private act. It’s no longer just about his prayers to his god but about how he hopes his *telling* you this will influence you.
Well, he got an answer that he didn’t want, but that’s on him. He is the one who involved you in the content of his prayers, with an agenda in doing so; not the other way around.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you are an atheist does it matter to you if he prays to a god that doesn’t exist?
It’s like dropping pennies in a wishing well. You have a right to be an atheist and he has a right to believe but you have to understand that per his belief system of course he is going to pray that you start believing in god.
I think it’s more important that he accepts who you are without pushing his beliefs on you. What he prays for is his business, he needs to keep his prayers himself. Honestly, I don’t know why you would date someone who is Christian since you are an atheist. Relationships are difficult having that big of a difference between you on such an important subject is going to cause issues.” beginagain4me
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Parents For Locking My Cat In Rooms?
“I (19F) live with my parents. I have a 1-year-old tabby rescue cat. Her name is Moomin and she has a weak hind leg, caused due to an accident as a kitten. She is by all means a perfectly healthy cat, but sometimes has trouble balancing or jumping due to her wobbly leg.
My cat is quite possibly my most precious friend, I am kind of overprotective over her, the first few months I had gotten her, I refused to let her out of my sight. She is also very attached to me and refuses to leave my side when I am at home.
She hates when I lock my doors with her outside the room which is why I keep my door ajar for her to come and go. She has hurt herself sometimes, trying to open locked doors.
My mom and dad love her a lot but they aren’t as attached as me.
One thing they do is lock her into places. This has happened multiple times – once in the wardrobe, multiple times on the terrace (which is the scariest since we have wild civet cats near our area), in the kitchen once, and in many of the rooms in the house.
I think it’s because they aren’t used to checking every room before locking up. My cat however gets easily spooked when locked into enclosed spaces. It’s also terrifying for me to imagine her hungry and thirsty, stuck alone. When I’m at home, it isn’t an issue, I always go look for her when she’s not there begging to be petted every 10 minutes, but when I am at university I worry that she might be stuck somewhere without my parents knowing.
I have had multiple fights about this when I’ve come home from university to scour all over the house, only to find her stuck on the terrace, yowling away. Every time, my parents tell me they’re too busy to check what she’s doing throughout the day.
Today, I had a very high fever, and I could hardly get up to feed her, but I managed to somehow clean her bowl, give her food, and clean her litter box before crashing (around 5 am or so). When I woke up 3 hours later, I didn’t see her sleeping next to me like she does, so I tried looking around for her.
My mother told me to go back to bed because she last saw Moomin in my dad’s office, so I believed her and went back to lie down. Something bothered me however so I got up like 10 minutes after to look again. I looked all over the house and finally managed to find her sitting inside our storeroom, cobwebs hanging in her whiskers and meowing at me as I let her out.
I was so angry at my parents, especially when I saw her gulping down water because she had to be stuck inside for at least 4 hours without anything to drink, in a dusty dark room, and especially because my mother had lied about her being with my dad in his office.
I had a yelling match with my mom and dad who told me I was ungrateful and that they would not tolerate me complaining about how they treated my cat. All I want is for them to check before closing the doors of a room.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it really shouldn’t be that hard to at least take a glance before closing the door. This is the cat’s health and safety we are talking about, so it’s pretty important too.” two_hours_too_long
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand the frustration why it led you to yell at your mom, you can just talk to her again and make some sorry also for that and talk about how can you avoid this thing not to happening again.” y2kdreamxoxo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You won’t take care of your cat yourself. Your parents are not interested in taking over for you. Rehome her to a more responsible owner, you are not giving her a good home.” Excellent-Count4009
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