People Appreciate Our Input On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner Why He's Protective Of His Phone Password?
“My partner and I were lying in bed just being cute and talking. At one point he wanted to show me something on his phone and so I got closer to try to see his screen. He moved his screen away and was like “don’t try to see my password babe.”
I then asked him why he was so protective of his password. I was genuinely just asking but I felt like he doesn’t trust me. And I don’t even think he has anything to hide because he regularly shows me things on his phone so if he was hiding things it’d be too risky to receive a text from someone.
So I trust him.
Well, when I asked he got really defensive. He said he’s not protective and he doesn’t know why he cares so much. I asked if he was like this with his last partner and he said no. She knew his phone password.
So I asked why he was like this with me. He got more upset and got up and left.
I was speaking in a calm tone the whole time and tried not to sound like I was interrogating him.
For context: I’ve given him my phone pass before but he’s just forgotten it both times.
I also don’t mistrust him and have no intentions of reading through his messages. Been together for 2 years. Living together for almost 1. I’m 26 he’s 29.
So AITJ for even asking and maybe pushing for a response a little? Or is what I did totally a normal thing?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to give a vote because this is not a lot of information to go off of. Perhaps when he was with his ex he gave her his password and it backfired with her constantly going through his phone.
Perhaps he doesn’t want you to find his inappropriate browsing history. Or maybe he’s being unfaithful. There’s really not enough context to decide what’s going on. Personally, I don’t want anyone to know my password because growing up my mom wouldn’t let me have a phone unless she knew my password.
She would go through my phone every night after I went to sleep and it made me extremely uncomfortable. I never had anything to hide but it made me feel untrusted for her to search my phone like that. I would just try having a conversation about it and if he doesn’t give any answers then it might be best to leave.” Double-Researcher-42
Another User Comments:
“I mean….Unless he yelled it at you or jerked violently away, “don’t try to see my password babe” doesn’t actually seem like that big a reaction here—sounds like you’re the one who decided he’s super duper protective of his phone password based on one comment and made it into a thing.
As for why he gave his last password to his ex, I don’t know man, maybe it was a bad experience so he decided he wasn’t going to do it again. People are allowed to change their mind about stuff, it’s not necessarily an attack and it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you.
Yes, ideally, he could simply calmly say “you know, I’ve given away my phone password in the past and my ex went through my phone/I felt squicky about it afterward/it’s Tuesday and the moon is in the 7th house so I don’t feel like it today/insert literally any other reason”—but, and this is important: he doesn’t have to.
No is a complete sentence. Respect your partner’s no at all times and in all things, regardless of whether it makes sense to you. Mild YTJ. Drop it. If you fail to drop it, bigger YTJ.” nefarious_planet
Another User Comments:
“Look, unless you have a suspicion that he’s lying to or two-timing you, this isn’t a hill to die on.
I’ve been married to my wife for 20 years. It’s only been in the last 5 years she’s given me the password to her phone or laptop, and that’s only because she almost died in 2017. She’s worked in jobs where she had sensitive information on her phone and laptop.
It was a job requirement she kept it “secret”. Also, she never hesitated to unlock either device to let me borrow it, even having me check new text messages; because she had nothing to hide and I trusted her. You don’t “need to know ” his password.
If he’s getting defensive, maybe he’s had some bad experiences with previous relationships violating his privacy. Use your words. Have a conversation with him when he’s calm. Let him know you have no interest in snooping, you’re just wondering why it seemed to be a trigger for him and that you’re just wanting to make sure you’re respecting any boundaries he has; you just need to be aware of what they are so you don’t accidentally cross them.
So, no jerks here.” DetectiveResident391
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Brother's Sponsored Wedding Due To Privacy Concerns?
“My brother and his fiance have implemented a no photos/videos rule at their upcoming wedding. They don’t want anyone taking unsanctioned photos at the ceremony or reception and only want their photographer and videographer to take pictures and videos.
I thought this was a bit over the top but it’s not my wedding so I’m not going to complain about something so minor.
Now I’ve found out there is more. My future sister-in-law has secured several partnerships and sponsorships from companies for the wedding.
This is for her Instagram and other social media. I’m 100% serious when I say that the guests have to sign waivers giving these companies permission to use their likenesses or images in their ads or promotions. To me, this is too much. There is no opting out because the entire event will be a “film zone” and there is no escaping it.
WIBTJ if I didn’t go to the wedding? My mom and sister say it’s something so minor and not going for that reason is petty. I know of at least 5 companies who are sponsoring and I don’t want photos and videos of me used in their ads.
I just don’t want to be plastered all over social media. My brother has said there are no exemptions because the companies have the right to film anywhere and everyone for the day. I’m uncomfortable with this but at the same time I don’t want to be petty.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not a minor thing to sell your face for Instagram ‘likes’ or whatever they are using. Once you sign it they have the right to use it however they want, in whatever context and you will have no power over it.
We give a lot to the social media platforms of today without thinking that we are not customers for them, but the product they sell to their advertisers. Instagram will never be on your side if the advertiser chooses to use your likeness in a way you don’t like.
Think how easy it is to make a silly face accidentally, what if some malfunctioning of wardrobe happens or something embarrassing you don’t want future employers to see. This issue will follow you. Don’t go.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I was with my young son buying school shoes.
It was when our city had first implemented ‘tax-free’ days for back-to-school purchases. He’s looking at the shoes and I hear on the next aisle “We’re asking parents how they feel about having tax-free shopping”, and recognize the voice of one of the local news reporters.
She rounded the corner, saw me, and asked if I would mind talking on air. I do not like having my picture taken, enough so that the only pictures taken of me in the past many years had been for my driver’s license. This is where for once I was able to think quickly.
I told the reporter that my son and I were in Witness Protection and couldn’t allow our faces on air. She pretty much lost all composure and stammered that she would absolutely not get our faces on film and “we won’t show anything but his feet!” I don’t blame OP at all and NTJ.” laurabun136
Another User Comments:
“If you do not sign the waiver, there’s a chance that they can NOT use your image for any advertising or public displays without consent – depending on the specific laws in your area. However, if you’re a minor, your parents might be allowed to sign on your behalf.
Your mum might want to look into that before dragging you to the event and having all that nonsense shut down just because if one refuses to sign, they can’t legally film there! I’m sure your ‘look at me I’m so important’ SIL and family would be cross if THAT happened!” DaniMW
20. AITJ For Comparing My Wife To An Emu In A TikTok Meme?
“You may or may not have seen it, but there’s a new video going around where a young woman who owns a farm tries to post educational videos on her TikTok, but her emu interrupts them.
She basically says, “Emmanuel, don’t do it,” he might do it, she says it again, etc. Except it’s hilarious because he’s an emu, and she’s so funny.
We’re having some work done on our house, and tomorrow the power is going to be off for quite a long time.
Because it’s going to be very warm (90+F), I decided we should fill up pitchers of ice in the morning for my wife to then fill with water to give to the people working outside because it’s going to be hot. Then I’ll clean out the ice maker when I get home from work, and voila.
Yes, she’ll be home while it’s hot. I’ll be at work. Someone has to be here, and I don’t entirely understand what they’re doing, so it makes sense that it’s her.
The icemaker has been kind of malfunctioning, so the bin is stuck in there, and as she was trying to yank it out of the freezer I yelled, “Emmanuel don’t do it!”
Bad idea. She accused me of comparing her to a farm animal. (But it’s Emmanuel!)
She shows me horrid memes all the time, so I thought it was funny, but yeah, no. Went over like a lead balloon. We sorted it out, and I’ll be getting up early to put ice in the pitchers, but I’m curious AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – (The timing is hilarious, I was just watching Emmanuel videos) Your wife sounds like she was just irritated at the fridge and the irritation got redirected at you. No harm, no foul.” notlucyintheskye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s not a joke about the species, and definitely not a comparison.
It’s more about the behavior, which wasn’t really even behavior specific to animals at all.” Indigoh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We read a story about some sheep that learned to roll on those grates on the ground that should actually stop them from leaving their meadows.
After that, my SO started to call me “Schäfchen.” German for lamb/sheep. Should I feel offended? What you did was the right comment at the right time. You didn’t say “Oh god, you behave like Emmanuel!” You made an inside joke. Maybe she just had a bad day that she reacted this miffed?
But still… And… why would it be bad to be compared to a farm animal? They are great animals!” EvilFinch
19. AITJ For Asking My Vegan Friend To Make Non-Vegan Food For A Potluck?
“I (21F) have a friend, “M”. A girl in my and M’s friend group has a birthday coming up. We’re planning to have a little surprise party with just a few friends and family members and have everybody bring a favorite dish of hers, like a potluck kinda thing.
M is a vegan and is planning on bringing “lobster Mac n cheese” made out of tofu soaked in fish sauce and vegan cheese. The thing is, nobody else in our friend group is vegan. Not to mention, nobody really likes her vegan cooking. Both I and another friend are gluten-free and yet we are making dishes with gluten in them because the whole point of this potluck is to make dishes our friend likes, not ones that we like.
Plus I just don’t want M to get her feelings hurt when nobody eats her Mac and cheese or makes a fuss out of it.
I tried to bring this up to her saying that she should just make regular lobster Mac and cheese since the whole point of the potluck is centered around our friend or she could just make something naturally vegan like a side salad but she insisted her version was fine and accused me of trying to “undermine” her lifestyle and told me to stop making it all about me.
I didn’t mean to come off that way, I’m just trying to avoid anything that might happen if nobody likes what she’s making plus I wanted her to be on theme with everyone else since the party isn’t about us and while I think she’s being a little ridiculous I’m still worried I might have overstepped. I’m thinking maybe I should have just stayed in my lane or something?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What is the point of a potluck when people with dietary restrictions/preferences can’t eat even their own food? Even if it were my birthday and my friends did this for me, I would think this is SUPER weird to see some friends not eating, like who wants that?
1.) Most people who are vegetarian/vegan choose that diet based on their morals. You would literally be asking your friend to not only bring food she can’t eat but also spend money on something that goes against her values. 2.) Not being vegan doesn’t exclude anyone from trying it.
Vegan food is regular food and for everyone. And you all might be surprised if you try it! Discovered some favorite dishes this way. 3.) She’s a grown woman, you don’t need to protect her feelings. She’s probably expecting it anyways.” aamfbta
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
If you want to control all the food at the party, make it or order it all yourself. There’s someone in every friend group who brings weird stuff to the potluck; the only way to control everything to your liking is to not have potlucks.
Honestly, it’s really weird and over-sacrificing for you to make food you can’t eat just for the party. I would never in a million years expect a gluten-free friend to contaminate their kitchen and make me food they couldn’t eat just because they thought I might like it better than a gluten-free version.
The party is meant to be for all of you to have fun; the birthday girl isn’t going to eat all of the food by herself so it’s unnecessary for all the food to be meant for only her to eat. You’re overthinking all of this.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Most vegans aren’t that way just because of a dietary preference, but because of their morals. You asking her to spend her money on buying animal-based food is asking her to turn on her ethics and participate in something she finds abhorrent.
Plus, eating vegan food won’t hurt anybody. The worst that can happen is that people try it and don’t like it. Which could happen with any dish. And I also somehow doubt that anybody is making any other Vegan dishes for your friend, now are they?
Further, if this is constantly an issue why don’t you just tell her she doesn’t have to bring anything, or have her supply something like beverages or supplies that are innocuous? Because, again, nobody else is going to bring anything she can eat, right? So you’re asking her to bring food for everybody else but making no allowance for her.
I was vegan for years and never had any issues like this because my friends were all respectful of my choices and I was respectful of theirs. You seem like you think her lifestyle is just an inconvenience and not important.” robotnique
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cruel Stepmom At My Graduation?
“I (18f) just graduated high school. I have lived and been around my stepmom since 2011. That’s when my dad left my mom for her, by the way. She has always been hateful and cruel to my brother and me, all while treating her kids like the only pride she has.
When I met her, she was crawling into my house through my dog door to help my dad steal my mom’s TV.
She’s always been insensitive to my brother and me and still consistently talks negatively about me to her 23-year-old daughter. And before anyone suggests I’m the problem, I had not once gone out of my way to disrespect or be rude to her.
We would have fights where she called my mom a woman of ill repute and said “you’re a mean person just like your mother” and I’ve caught her flipping me off behind my back, eavesdropping on therapy sessions, and my friends and our conversations over the cameras in and outside the house.
Never has our relationship been good, and for the past 2-3 years, I have avoided conflict, kept my mouth shut, and invited her on lunches to fix our issues. Not once had she ever been interested in fixing anything, and in all altercations between the two of us, I find myself to be the mature one.
My dad tries to defend her behavior saying “her parenting style isn’t what you’re used to” and the latter. But, she just has a bad attitude towards me and I think she’s just always been envious of my dad and I’s relationship.
We always play fight and mess with each other, and it always takes the attention from her onto me. (Though by no means is my dad a fantastic guy in my eyes or anything, but I don’t try to take his attention off her, I just get bored and mess with him).
Consistently, she would also slam doors and cabinets and leave the room stomping when I’d do this or even if I’d enter the room.
My brother moved out when he was 16 because her behavior had affected him so badly. I continued living there up until around a year ago.
My dad and stepmom also bring up my body and call me fat, etc. I’m also bisexual and they favor telling me that I’m going to a bad place and it’s a choice and a phase and I wasn’t born this way bla bla, and I decided that she didn’t deserve to be at my graduation.
I frankly did not want her there, and I only gave my dad 1 of the 10 tickets. She managed to worm her way into my ceremony anyways, and I’m livid, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “So, how did you two first meet?” / “Well, it’s a funny story.” But yeah, you didn’t want her there, you didn’t give her an invite, she was there anyway, you were upset.
That all checks out. Frankly, she sounds wonderful. Now that you’re 18, you can start working on alternate living arrangements. Away from her. Because she sucks. “Her parenting style isn’t what you’re used to.” Yeesh. “Yeah, I’m not used to evil.”” TheTrueAHWasInsideUs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your stepmom sounds entitled and maybe lacking self-awareness. Sure, this could be an “olive branch” kind of situation, but it is your day and you deserve to make the call. If there was any hope of repairing the relationship, maybe give this some more thought, otherwise, yeet the stepmom from the ceremony.” Unclematttt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have cut them out years ago!! Good grief. Caught them trying to steal your mom’s TV would have been the moment I called the police on them both and had nothing more to do with either of them… but you were a kid so it’s understandable.
Tell them both to go away and go NC with them both. Free yourself!! They sound vile. Well done on graduating.” Global_Monk_5778
17. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Roommate's Sleep Schedule?
“A little while ago, I had someone in my house as a roommate. Said roommate was female, of indeterminate age (she refused to say), and of average build. She had no health issues that I know of or that she deemed necessary to disclose to me.
I am a night owl. I function better at night and I dislike being outside in bright sunlight, as it irritates my eyes. I am also disorganized in an “I’ll get this done, then this, but then I’ll go back to that” manner when it comes to getting tasks done.
She, however, demanded I go to bed when she wanted to sleep. Her reasoning was that she could not sleep if I was up and about. No reason was given as to why my being awake was a trigger for her. I wasn’t noisy. She tried to set a curfew for me so her weird habit would be accommodated by me being there, but that was shut down faster than an Xbox by an angry mom.
She also tried to confiscate my electronics, books, lights, etc. when I was going to sleep. This was also shut down as it was my property and the first time I found her door locked with my belongings on the other side of it, I took her door off its hinges and reclaimed my things, warning her that the next time she did it, I would be calling the police.
I am not her child, in case anyone is thinking this is a post along the lines of that one famous post written from a baby’s perspective. She attempted to parent someone else no more than 5 years her junior. There was also no relationship, physical or emotional.
She’s since moved out of my house and I no longer have contact with her, but I wonder if I was the jerk? To be perfectly honest, I was rather creative in voicing my displeasure with her actions. She responded just as venomously. Please forget the “your house, your rules” thing, and imagine it was an apartment or some similar situation, as I’m not a fan of said argument, having heard it far too much as a child.”
Another User Comments:
“Since you were not overly noisy, none of her demands were reasonable. If you were noisy, her demands were still unreasonable and the only reasonable demand would have been asking you to keep the noise down. She’s weirdly controlling and it’s good you don’t live with her anymore.
NTJ.” czechtheboxes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In a roommate situation, you’re both entitled to autonomy. I could see her having a problem if you were practicing your drum skills in the middle of the night, but if you weren’t making enough noise to keep her up then it’s none of her business when you sleep.
Her taking your things is just completely unjustified and illegal. Sounds like you got out of a bad situation. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” associaterogue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, holy moly not even close. Even if in a relationship with another person, that person does not have any right to control what hours the other sleeps and sure as heck has no right to attempt to steal property.
By the way, I absolutely love the way you dealt with it. A lot of men assume women can’t do basic things around the home, so a roommate was rather amazed when I also took the door off the hinges. Also because my property was stolen.
I don’t know why people move in with other people and assume that they can dictate their lives. I’ve read on here so many issues like that. People who think they can stop their roommate from having visitors. People that think they can stop their roommate from being awake at of hours.
People who think they can control what their roommate eats. It constantly amazes me. The only thing that you can dictate to another roommate is allowing another person to move into the home or using things that belong to you.” Tricky_Dog1465
16. AITJ For Using My Kitchen While My Roommate's Guests Are Sleeping In The Living Room?
“My roommate has two people staying over at our apartment for a week. They were staying in the living room since we don’t have a guest bedroom. I was fine with this, but I didn’t really think about how they would have drastically different schedules than me.
I went to make breakfast the first morning after they slept over, and they were still asleep. I had to go to work, so I tried to prepare food quietly, but they were still woken up and kind of annoyed. I apologized but I had work and couldn’t wait for them to wake up.
Then at night, I would frequently go to the kitchen either for water or snacks or just to get out of my bedroom which also made them anxious. We also only have a microwave/cooking tools in the kitchen so I couldn’t prepare food anywhere else and I eat dinner late, which also annoyed them.
My roommate then asked me if I could just stay in my room after 9 pm until they were gone but I felt that was unreasonable. Like I wasn’t intentionally trying to annoy them, but I figured if we were letting them stay here for free for a week I should still be allowed to use my kitchen.
I normally hang out in the living room at night to play video games or watch TV and wasn’t doing that, but I figured grabbing snacks and microwaving food was still ok.
I’m trying to keep some snacks in my room but I prefer to keep food in the kitchen since the bedrooms have carpets and I hate crumbs, but I can tell everyone else is annoyed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You live there, you pay rent, they don’t. It’s your space. You are being kind enough to let them stay, for free. It’s one thing to say “hey can you keep it down a little” because yeah, you don’t want to be TOTALLY rude to your guests.
But you still need to live your life and go with your routine and EAT BEFORE WORK. My lord, I can’t believe they actually got upset about you making food before work. Some people…” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your roommate and the guests are overstepping boundaries.
You are paying for the place while the guests are not. If they are staying for a week with all the new rules you should only pay one-third part of your current part of the rent for that week, so two-thirds of your rent should be paid for your roommate or the guests (staying + utilities).
That will be fair (You are not using the living room and the kitchen). If your roommate continues to bring guests, consider moving out. They will not respect your place or be grateful for your kindness: you will have more and more limitations.” 11arwen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. WTF? This is YOUR apartment, not theirs. It’s up to guests to adjust themselves to the host’s household, not the other way around. If your roommate wants to have guests, it’s on him to make sure they don’t inconvenience you. Don’t let him do this again.” JadieJang
15. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Her Unconventional Living Situation?
“My sister Kelly is 5 years older than me.
7 years ago, Kelly started hanging out with an older crowd who had a lot of financial resources. She became particularly close with one woman named Bell, who is a heavy drinker and has a wealthy banker for a husband.
She became inseparable from Bell. They went on vacations, work trips, spent every day together, and often shared a bed. It was very evident they had a close relationship.
My sister moved into a suite that Bell and her husband had in their mansion.
I told my sister not to do it, and that she needed independence and to develop herself. My sister refused because Bell just had a baby, and she needed help to care for it because the husband has health problems.
Well, it’s been five years. My sister and I recently got into a huge fight where she said “you live in the worst neighborhood,” and that I “didn’t have a real job.”
I exploded and said my sister has been nothing but a helper, and that she has no idea how the real world works, and she is 35 and has no chance of having her own family if she keeps living in that strange house.
My sister pays $300 a month for a $2600 suite, and even though she makes $150-160k a year she still needs help from Bell and her husband.
My family told me I was a major jerk. I said I was tired of my sister acting like she’s better than me.
I’ve basically gone no contact and I’ll let my sister figure her stuff out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gets to criticize you but you can’t criticize her? You are supposed to sit silently through her unsolicited opinion on your life but giving her your opinion was wrong?
Yeah, I don’t think so. It sounds like she is actually unhappy with her life and jealous of your happiness so makes herself feel better by trying to make you feel bad. Toxic Gold Digger comes to mind.” familydogsandwine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But because of your comment about her having no chance of “having her own family” if she keeps living there.
It would’ve been no jerks here from me. Maybe she’s happy where she’s at and doesn’t want kids or a husband. You’re telling your sister what to do with her life. That she needs to be independent and develop herself. You obviously don’t like she doesn’t have a traditional relationship.
That isn’t yours to judge. People are free to choose who they love as long as everyone has consent and stops when consent is removed. Is it a good idea to do that? Yes. But at the same time, she’s an adult who makes her own decisions.
If she can manage a job making $150k-$160k then she really isn’t doing too shabby. Honestly, I get a lot of jealousy from you. I have a feeling you made a snippy comment about her life first and that’s when she said what she said.
You’re leaving out your side of the conversation. It’s all about her but you’re leaving things out trying to make yourself look better. It’s not working.” Moonydog55
Another User Comments:
“You’re both being unnecessarily judgy and mean here. You don’t have to agree with their unorthodox setup, but they’re consenting adults who’ve got the financial status to make it work.
Your sister shouldn’t be condescending or judgemental to you either, your worth is not based on your job or money or status. Don’t pick at her decisions, and if she starts sniping at you, then tell her you’re not going to have that and end the conversation.
You both need to take a step back here.” adlittle
14. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Cousin's Wedding Due To Her Fiancé's Age?
“My (25f) cousin “Annie” (29f) is getting married to “John”, who is 49 years old. I know it’s her life, she’s an adult and can do whatever she pleases, but personally, I think this sort of age gap is too much.
I’ve met John once, he seems nice enough but just my personal opinion about the age gap.
Wedding invites were sent out recently, I said that I would not be able to attend because I had some prior commitments. Now, I don’t actually have any prior commitments and just don’t want to attend the wedding because the age gap makes me uncomfortable, but I made that up so Annie’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt.
She called and insisted that I attend, to which I kept repeating that I have something else on that day, but I will send her a nice wedding gift. She said that I was the only one of her cousins not attending and “she was sure I didn’t have anything else planned because I’m a bit of a loner”.
She said it jokingly but it really stung – I’m generally quite introverted and only really hang out with a few close friends, my husband, and immediate family.
I admit I got kinda mad and told her the real reason I didn’t want to attend is because she’s marrying a man nearly as old as her dad.
She got really quiet, said that I was being rude, judgemental, and jealous, and hung up. Annie’s mom, my aunt later called me to say I made Annie really upset with my judgemental remarks and that now everyone knows I don’t care about family. Should I have just sucked it up and said yes to the wedding invite?
Did I overreact to the “loner” comment?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Annie should not have made that comment, but she obviously cared for you to come. I’m not sure why the age gap matters to you, as it has no effect on your life, but you at least tried to be cordial initially about it.
In the end, it was clear Annie wanted you there and I think you should have just agreed to attend in order to show your love and support. It’s only one day.” JillAteJack
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk and I totally get what you are saying.
Usually (perhaps not always) this type of age gap is because the older man cannot find a single woman his age who will tolerate his crap, so he finds a younger, less-experienced (i.e., more gullible) woman to “groom”. Every single time, the young woman is 100% convinced it is different with her, she’s mature for her age and he sees that, he’s not like other older men, etc. I got sucked into that at 20.
I so wish I could go back and not marry that man. And no, it is NOT different with her. She is just convinced it is.” JanetInSpain
Another User Comments:
“Jiminy Cricket! Where do people get the idea that THEIR wedding is an imperial command event?
You properly and politely declined the invitation with the entirely polite fiction of a prior commitment. To an ordinary, polite person, that would absolutely be the end of the discussion. And just an aside to cousin Bridezilla there, it is absolutely NEVER polite to demand information about the nature of the “prior commitment”.
Never. And for the purposes of etiquette, planning to watch television is a prior commitment. Your cousin was WAY out of line, she badgered you, insulted you, and then had the nerve to take offense and spread it around when she backed you into a corner and got an answer she didn’t like.
And for her mother to interpret and conflate that into your “not caring about family” is just whack-a-doodle. All of which is an excellent reason to distance yourself from these self-centered, pompous loons. You’re not the jerk.” Difficult-Mix8911
13. AITJ For Banning My Stepson From Drinking Gatorade Because He Wastes It?
“I (35f) have 2 stepsons Gavin (13) and Kyle (11) from my husband (42). They are great kids and there aren’t any major problems aside from this one. We have an issue with Kyle that he will grab a Gatorade, drink half of it, and pour the rest down the drain every single time.
He only does this with the Gatorade. It’s making all of us frustrated because one, these are kind of expensive now and we’re going through them every 2-4 days, and two, Gavin needs them more than Kyle. Gavin is extremely athletic and does multiple sports and needs those electrolytes.
Kyle is more of an introvert and prefers the inside to outside.
Well, the problem, two days ago Gavin had a baseball game and there were two Gatorades left so I told Kyle please don’t drink them because your brother needs them. Well, he didn’t listen and proceeded to drink both of them halfway and dump the rest out.
I was livid and so was Gavin. I told Kyle that from now on he can’t have any more Gatorade because he is being extremely wasteful and these are kind of expensive. He got mad and called his dad and dad sided with me because he was getting frustrated too.
So AITJ for taking away Gatorades from my stepson even though he wastes them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had me at “He drinks half then dumps the rest.” You had me even more at the fact he IGNORED your request for him to not touch the Gatorade, yet he did anyway.
My solution: Tally up the cost of the Gatorade and how many bottles he’s dumped. Half the total. If he has an allowance, take the equivalent away. Obviously, pitch the idea to Dad since he’s clearly on your side in this too.” Derp_Aderpy
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the grain, but I’m going to say ESH. He’s doing it because you say things like “Don’t touch them, your brother needs them more than you.” I wonder if you/your husband are way more supportive of Gavin’s sports than of any of Kyle’s interests.
Do you go to a lot of Gavin’s games? Focus on the wasting money. Tell him to drink half, put his name on it, and drink the other half next time. Tell him that you are buying each of them 5 Gatorades a week (or whatever), and if he uses his up faster, that’s it.
But to say “your brother needs them more,” is absolutely going to fuel insecurity and rebellion in a non-athletic 11-year-old who probably always feels like he’s in his brother’s shadow.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t be soft. He does it over and over again and was deliberately selfish and didn’t listen to you and his dad.
It’s not going to kill him not to have Gatorade. He didn’t want to listen the easy way, so now there are consequences. He can drink water for heaven’s sake lol. It’s much healthier anyway, so you are actually doing him a favor lmao.
I’d just say to set a timeline for when he can get Gatorade back, and you can make him pay for his own until then.” Hoopshooter044
12. AITJ For Wanting To Proceed With My Wedding Despite My Sister Scheduling Hers The Same Day?
“I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now. I planned to get married to him on August 6. I tell my younger sister who presumably told our older sister as they live same town I don’t. Well, I visit my older sister for Easter, and guess what?
She’s suddenly scheduled her wedding for the same day as mine!!! This is so dumb and not the first time she’s done this nonsense.
She always has to be number one. I’m the black sheep so I already know everyone’s gonna go to hers not mine.
What the heck though? I haven’t spoken to my sister about this because there’s legit no way I can go about bringing it up to her that won’t send her into battle mode. I could say hey sister my wedding was gonna be the same day.
She would say something like oh well you shouldn’t be marrying him anyways or oh well I had no idea I scheduled over you oopsies. Even though I know my younger sister told her no way it’s a coincidence.
WIBTJ if I said forget you guys and did my wedding anyway?
WIBTJ if I just cut them off? There’s so much toxic nonsense here my older sister tries to push people to be like her. Gives unsolicited advice just to get upset at you for not taking it. She’s told me to not look so depressed and to put makeup on to look nice and not be gross.
She said I looked horrible and sad. Lmao. Ugh. Yeah, WIBTJ or AITJ? Because I’m definitely not going to that wedding. She knows what she did. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes right? I don’t wanna constantly feel like I’m battling my sister to be the better jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you paid and booked anything for that date yet? Is it possible you can have it on another earlier date – still would not invite any of them but would hate to share a special date with someone that I despise.
Definitely don’t make yourself available for her wedding though – let her know you have something else planned. But you may consider going LC/NC if it will make your life happier and more peaceful. Petty me would lie and tell them that you gave the wrong date on purpose just to see how pathetic they were and leave it like that.” MersWhaawhaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, but I’ve gotta ask: what are the odds her wedding’s scheduled for the same day… and she wants to use your venue reservations? Or wants to share a wedding, like we can get married at the same time, or something similar?
She’d go first, of course, and all the gifts would go to HER or she’d insist they’re ‘joint gifts’ and only leave you with things she didn’t want. Why have both of us pay for catering when she can make it a ‘joint’ thing, and while you’re getting married she needs everyone for pictures, thereby making even more of a ruckus?
I don’t know your family, but I’ve seen the non-wedding equivalent of this elsewhere. ‘Our kids are born in the same month, same age, let’s do a joint party! Only you have to pay for the venue and invite all the guests and party favors, don’t worry I’ll handle the cake–oh sorry, I thought you knew I said I’d only handle MY kid’s cake, it’s the day of I’m sure you can find something to show you care’ and whatnot.
You may wanna stay informed just so you can ensure this DOESN’T happen/isn’t her plan.” InnateRidiculousness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Did you tell anyone else about the date or just one sister? The trouble is if you only told your younger sister (especially knowing your older sister will pull this kind of stunt) and your older sister has already run around with save the date messaged the whole family she “choose” the date first. It becomes her word against yours and frankly people are not going to want to be involved and will go with the person who reserved the date first. And you can’t blame them…if you play into react to this you will confirm your status as the black sheep.
I suspect this nonsense from your older sister is how you ended up with a black sheep reputation in the first place. Are you really going to give your sister the satisfaction of finally driving you out of the family completely…….? She wins if you do.
You need to be smarter and sneakier. You know your sister is like this, why do let her do this to you. You could have given your younger sister an incorrect date..or you could have made sure you spoke to emailed or messaged the family and friends first. Posted publicly on social media so she couldn’t pull this nonsense.
A wedding is supposed to be about having people there to support you. You absolutely can elope but if you choose to go on with a conventional wedding only having you fiancé family and friends the wedding will ensure your wedding is commented on for all the wrong reasons.
Do you really want to spend the big day with everyone gossiping about why your family are not there? It will also likely cause a split with your family that they and you don’t deserve. Back to don’t let your sister win.” Whitestaunton
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Future Father-In-Law's New Partner To Our Small Wedding?
“My partner and I have decided to have a very small wedding in about 3 months’ time. We have only invited people we couldn’t imagine our day without (22 people) and absolutely no plus ones.
(No siblings, aunts, uncles. Just parents, grandparents, and very very close friends).
My future father-in-law recently got a new partner (about 2 months ago), when we were chatting with him on the phone a few months back regarding the wedding she overheard, got excited, made the assumption she was invited, and went out and bought a dress.
When this was brought to our attention a few weeks later my partner addressed it and all was good.
Fast forward to 2 nights ago, my partner and I had come home for the week & were calling family to catch up while we are in town.
My partner calls his dad and they set a date/time but at the end of the phone call his dad goes “I’m just letting you know we’re really upset that xxxxx isn’t allowed to come to the wedding”. My partner just said oh okay, I’m sorry and left it at that.
Last night we caught up for dinner, the partner and his dad arrived and she was visibly upset. She’s downing her drinks in 30 seconds, taking shots at the bar, being very blunt, sitting on her phone, and not even making an effort to chat with us.
(This is the first time we’ve met this woman). When she walks away we say to his dad, we’re not excluding her because she’s a new item or anything, we just want our day super small, there are lots of people who are not invited and are upset about it but it’s just the way it is.
She’s more than welcome to travel with you when you come for the wedding but I’m sorry she will not be attending on the day. He then goes “oh well if money is the issue, I will pay for her”. We reassure that money isn’t the issue and this is just the way we want it.
She then returned and we stopped chatting about it.
Later in the night my partner and his dad wander off to go get dessert and I mention it to her in the hopes she will realize that we’re not excluding just her, there’s 140 other people who are in the same boat.
I told her the same thing, that she’s more than welcome to come down and we’d love to have her visit but just his dad is coming to the ceremony & dinner. To which she responds “oh I have no issues, (the dad) just thought it was weird I’m not invited. But he will only be coming to the ceremony and not the dinner because it’s not fair I’m not invited and will have to sit in the hotel all day.” I left the conversation at that because I was upset about the last comment.
So what I want to know is: Are my partner and I wrong in this situation? We’re both upset now he’s not coming to dinner and kind of want to turn around and say “you either come to both and support your son or don’t come at all” but that will stir the pot massively.
I’m on the edge of becoming a bridezilla over this. Are we in the wrong for not inviting her? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is your wedding and this woman probably won’t be in your FIL’s life as long as the memory and pictures of your wedding day will be in yours.
I do have to say I would prepare for people to disrespect your no +1 rule, or people who heard about the wedding just showing up. Speaking from experience, we told several members of my partner’s family that since they didn’t rsvp and/or we didn’t have an address to send them invites (because they moved so often and didn’t get back to us when we messaged them) we didn’t have places for them at the reception..
they came to the wedding anyway, made a fuss about being excluded from the reception and my BIL’s ex-partner was in every fricken picture she could get in. My mom was going to kick them out (it was like 10 people) but several of my church friends saw what was happening and made excuses to leave so there would be open tables.
I suggest hiring a literal bouncer with a guest list to guard the entrance.” Chelular07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it is jerky to call someone “a new item” like she is a possession, and I think you should take it in stride that he doesn’t want to come to the dinner.
You excluded his partner from the event, totally fine, and I get it, but he is not obligated to come to the dinner.” writtenincode23
Another User Comments:
“I wanna say please become a bridezilla. Her comment rubs off on me. If she doesn’t want to stay in the hotel, she can go do something else.
I know that you’re all cuddly when you have a new relationship, but she should be able to spend one night away from her partner, especially if she’s an adult. NTJ, and tell his dad (in gentle terms) that if he doesn’t want to leave her alone, he can stay with her in the hotel.” RunefaustBlack
10. AITJ For Snapping At A Discord User For Joking That New Zealand Doesn't Exist?
“I’m from a Pacific country called New Zealand. For some reason, a lot of people (Americans especially) don’t think we exist and it seems to be some kind of running joke.
Earlier this week, I joined some random Discord server regarding film and I mentioned one of my favorite directors was a Māori director.
Someone on the server asked what Māori was, so I explained and said New Zealand is our home.
This person then proceeded to say multiple times that NZ is a myth and that they don’t think it exists. It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal but this guy just wouldn’t stop, so I snapped and told him off for it.
“Stop saying my country doesn’t exist, it’s really not funny whatsoever. I bet if some person from a different country started saying your home wasn’t real you’d get upset.”
The guy got really upset with me after I said that, claiming he was just joking around and that I didn’t need to take it so seriously, but I really just don’t think the jokes are funny and I think they’re ultimately really pointless.
Some other people on the server started messaging me and telling me that I should apologize for being rude to the guy, but I said I wouldn’t unless he apologized for just being annoying.
I don’t really think I’m the jerk, but I’m doubting myself now due to how many server members have been telling me I was out of line and could’ve handled it better, so now I think maybe I could’ve asked him to stop in DMs more politely?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You would be the jerk if you insisted they stop just for your sake, like some sort of joke police. But come on… “I really just don’t think the jokes are funny and I think they’re ultimately really pointless.” This is a Discord with presumably 10s/100s of other members.
Why should everything come to a grinding halt because you think it’s not funny and pointless? I think a lot of people agree that when it comes to comedy, it’s all subjective. One audience might be able to appreciate a funny enough joke, but another might not.
The audience gets to decide if that comedian is welcomed with open arms, or booed off the stage. Just remember, it’s a random Discord server. If someone offended you in your own house? Sure, kick them out with no second thought. But a random Discord server?
Nah, that Discord gets to decide what is/isn’t funny. Ultimately, learn to take a joke. “NZ doesn’t exist” has to be the most inoffensive joke I’ve heard someone be offended by.” thebangzats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Considering that saying that country A does not/should not exist is generally a ploy to people originating from country A, and is often used as a reason to invade/exterminate the population of country A – well… Whether that person was an obvious troll, someone completely oblivious, or both – anything you would do (short of ignoring them) would lead them to more baiting.
So, while your reaction might be considered sometimes immature – their action more than vindicated your reaction.” mithdraug
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. And I will be downvoted for this but I stand by it. It’s the same line of jokes as Hungry Hungary or Turkey So Yummy.
It’s overused, annoying, and the more you hear it the more annoying it gets. So, guy is clearly the jerk. But, just because you got annoyed doesn’t mean you’re justified in yelling at him. For you, hearing the same joke over and over again is annoying, but others don’t know that.
So from the outside, it looked like you snapped after very little prompting.” stunted_jest
9. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My BIL Over His Offensive Mother's Day Gift?
“My husband (25M) co-planned a Mother’s Day brunch with his brothers and parents. I originally was planning on going, but I (23f) am pregnant with a pulmonary embolism, and today I was just incredibly breathless and had trouble sleeping.
My husband told me that it went amazingly and that they all kindly purchased me Mother’s Day gifts. To be honest, I was very surprised because there is drama between one specific brother and me over politics and just general treatment of people. I thought maybe it was a sign that things were mending, but boy was I wrong.
My husband got home and showed me what he gifted me. It was a baby book called “Johnny the Walrus.” If you have ever heard of this book, it is very obviously anti-trans and equates being transgender to a child “pretending to be a walrus.” Long story short, it’s very gross and bigoted. It also feels targeted because my sibling is non-binary.
I told my husband to read it, and he was very obviously disturbed by it too.
I asked my husband to please double-check if BIL knew what he was purchasing or if he had read the book because I am genuinely trying to give him the benefit of the doubt in the situation.
If he did know what he purchased though, I told my husband that it would really hurt my feelings and I don’t feel comfortable having him around my sibling. My husband said he would just outright give him 15 bucks back and uninvite him from the shower.
Am I unnecessarily starting drama? It just is also aggravating because it’s a MOTHER’S DAY gift too, and of all the baby things to gift, it’s this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband are doing the right thing. Your sibling doesn’t deserve to be forced into the presence of someone you know is a transphobe, and it’s important you communicate to your BIL that you won’t accept his trying to teach your child(ren) bigoted views.” sr9876
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband need to come to an agreement on who you want around your kids. It’s better to have this talk now before more drama goes down. (I personally wouldn’t want BIL or people who share his views around my kid.)” Odd_Sky7089
Another User Comments:
“Forget the baby shower, the book, and everything else if you are very breathless and have PE go back to the doctor and get another check. Stop working yourself up over the book and brother-in-law, let your husband deal with it to keep your blood pressure low.
NTJ.” Hot_Success_7986
8. AITJ For Only Picking Up Overtime In Departments I Enjoy?
“I work retail, in a grocery store. I’ve been there about a year if it matters. There’s been some overtime available because sales are up. I only do OT if 1) I want to/need money and 2) I can pick up hours in a different department.
I hate my “home department ” I don’t like my department manager or most of the people in the department, the job is boring, and it’s just bleh.
It’s not like I pick up overtime constantly just every once in a while I’ll go to the store manager and ask if they need help the next day.
So usually I’ll help out in grocery and stock if I come in on my day off. If the only department they need help in is the deli (my department) then I don’t come in at all and keep my day off.
Well, yesterday I came in and was stocking shelves.
The store manager came up to me and asked if I’d mind going over to Deli, but said that it was up to me since I came in on my day off. I said “nah, I’d rather keep doing this”. He said ok and walked away.
Today I came in to work, my boss kept making passive-aggressive comments. “We’re behind today because of a call in yesterday, and even though someone was already here they couldn’t come over and help” or “yeah I guess some people don’t like this department so they didn’t want to give up stocking to help out” “I thought we were all a team but apparently not.” Yes, this is part of the reason I dislike her.
I know it’s not my fault they’re behind, but AITJ for only coming in if I don’t have to work in my department and sticking by that.”
Another User Comments:
“You can do whatever you like outside your ordinary rostered hours. If you feel like picking up overtime then that’s fine, but you don’t have to and you have complete discretion over which overtime options you accept.
If I was your manager I’d be asking myself some tough questions about my management style and team satisfaction but it sounds like she doesn’t get it. NTJ.” Cat_got_ya_tongue
Another User Comments:
“Fellow grocery store worker here. I’ve worked deli and bakery and it suuuuuuucks.
Easily the worst job in the entire store, plus it’s a dead-end position. Nobody gets promoted unless some manager dies/retires. Keep picking up work elsewhere. Keep telling every manager in the store that you want to move departments. Ask the store director to keep you in mind.
Find out where they post job listings and check it daily. Thanks to the great resignation, your store probably needs baggers (courtesy clerks, lol). Bagger pays less than deli but it’s a great place to be if you want to get moved around the store.
Call your union and check your contract. Check to see if you need to keep track of when you’re doing the work of a higher-paid department. Usually, you’ll get 10 – 20 cents extra an hour but those hours go towards your starting salary if you are promoted.” DexterGrant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I work in a deli, and I gladly come in on my off days to help other departments. The deli is always the worst department to be in, there’s always inadequate staffing, 90% of the time they hire managers in the deli who just need a stepping stone for a better job, and they are just dense.
It’s awful working in the deli, and quite frankly, if you wish to help out in another department on your day off, your boss or nobody else can make you go to your original department. And you need to talk to HR about those remarks.
Those are unprofessional and it clearly shows how undesirable it is to work in the deli with a boss like that. Godspeed OP.” Alternative-Space-42
7. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Non-Contributing Roommate Before His Surgery?
“My (39F) former coworker/friend (55M) moved in with my husband (46) and me about a year ago after he got kicked out by his last roommate. He is trying to get on disability. When he moved in, he had a part-time job, but he quit it and another job he got several months ago.
He has no income coming in and pays nothing. He uses food stamps for most of his food. We generally end up footing the bill for food for his dog and two cats and his bad habits. He used to help some around the house, but as time has gone on, he spends more and more time sleeping or watching TV.
Meanwhile, my husband and I both work full time and I’m going to school. (We try to be sensitive to the fact that this may be depression-related, but we both have our mental health issues, too.)
We’ve been talking about asking our roommate to leave for a while now.
He has a significant other, but they don’t live together and his SO doesn’t support him financially. We’re sick of working hard while he does nothing to contribute to the household.
I have two concerns, though. The first is the well-being of his pets if we ask him to leave.
The second is that he has ankle surgery coming up in a few weeks. We’ve been through the surgery once with him before, and the thought of waiting on him hand and foot for several weeks again makes me see red. WIBTJ to go ahead and send him packing?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. What you’re describing is enabling. You had good intentions, you were trying to be helpful but now you’re enabling him. Stop spending your money on his needs, especially the bad habits. Let him know at the end of the month he’s going to need to move out.
Depending on where you live you may need to actually evict him if he doesn’t leave on his own. Consider if he’s rude argumentative or a total jerk about changing the locks while he’s out having surgery and tell him he’s going to need to find somewhere else to stay.
Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud I highly recommend it.” ManofLegacy
Another User Comments:
“This man is using your good nature to play you both. My question would be why didn’t you see what was happening and why have you allowed it to continue for so long?
There’s being ‘nice’ and then there’s being a ‘pushover’. You should have made some firm boundaries from the very beginning so a lot of this situation is on you. Time to get tough. Give him a leaving date and stick to it. What he does is none of your concern.
The animals are none of your concern but if you are so worried about them keep them and ditch him. He’s not going to be happy. He’s about to lose his forever meal ticket. It’s going to be as hard to get him to leave as it was getting a certain political figure out of the office.
But, it’s either him or you and I suggest you choose you. Next time someone comes along with a shaggy dog story. Sit down and worth through everything before you decide to help. Or better still – don’t – I’m not sure you’ve got what it takes to keep yourselves safe.
NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So I work in community mental health and this sounds like a client. Does he have a case manager? If he has no income, is homeless (we categorize staying with friends or family, not on the lease to be in the homeless category for reasons such as this post), has surgery coming up, and is this bad at relating to others….
He should have a case manager. And if they’re good at their job (and depending on where you live) they may be able to find him a place for after surgery or the hospital may allow him to stay longer because he has nowhere to go.
Often people get discharged sooner if they have the support they need… And you’re giving him that. I would talk to him. Tell him it’s time to leave. You can try to explain why but I doubt it would matter. He’s going to be upset.
I would offer to either keep the pets while he’s homeless (and if in a few months he’s decompensated further you could rehome) or offer assistance in finding them new homes. You can still be a good friend while not enabling him.
And lord… If he’s so vulnerable that he can’t even come up with bad habit money….
It’s either a. That he doesn’t have to because you’re a better solution or b. That he is very disabled and needs that help. But he won’t get it without real social work-type assistance and probably not if you’re helping him look like he’s got it together when he obviously doesn’t.
NTJ other than enabling and sorta to yourself.” Original-Metal-1921
6. AITJ For Being Upset That My Younger Sister Has A College Fund And I Don't?
“I (17f) have a sister Sabrina who is three. I was visiting last weekend with my dad and stepmom and she left all her accounts and things open on the laptop and I saw that Sabrina has a college fund. To reiterate, she is 3.
I brought up that I didn’t see a fund for me at dinner.
She told me I should talk to my mom and dad about it. I found this weird because she and my dad have been together since I was 5, I just thought it was so unfair that they wouldn’t have money set aside for me also.
So I brought up her blatant favoritism for my little sister since she already had a college fund at the age of 3.
She gets all mad and says that I’m asking the wrong person. I told my mom when I got home and she said that my dad and stepmom should have money for me for college.
Today my dad calls me and says that I would have to go to a local community college and he would pay 50% of the tuition for college. I told him that it was nonsense that the focus should go to me since they have plenty of time to worry about Sabrina later.
He just said 50% is what I’m getting and I would have to pay the rest or take out a loan. So I called my dad a jerk for favoring Sabrina.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In my opinion? It’s the responsibility of your mom and your dad if they want to provide such a fund.
Not all parents think it is their responsibility to provide a college fund for their children. Maybe when your dad and your mom were together, they did not think much of a college fund, and so therefore did not set one up. It was a different time back then.
Maybe when your dad met your stepmom? They thought it would be a priority for their daughter and they set one up. And it’s not the responsibility of your step-mom and your dad. Ask your parents (your mom and dad) what the deal is. If they wanted to provide funds for your college?
They should have done so. It is their issue … alone. It has nothing to do with your stepmom or your half-sister. If your mom says otherwise? It means she’s trying to throw the responsibility and blame off of the shoulders of her and your dad (you are their daughter) onto your dad’s wife (most likely to feed the fires of the blame game).
In all actuality? It was always the responsibility of your dad and your mom. Do not blame your half-sister or your step-mom for this issue. It rests solely on the shoulders of your dad and your mom. Try not to be too hard on them?
When you were born? Maybe college was not in the works for you back then. Maybe they did not think it was important. Maybe there were other expenses (to spend any available extra money on). Who knows what the issues were? You will never know unless you ask your parents.” Walk1000Miles
Another User Comments:
“Ok so your dad’s wife, who is NOT your mother, took the initiative to set up a college fund for HER biological daughter….yes? And you still have YOUR biological mom in your life…yes? Ok. So you got so upset that your stepmom set up a saving for HER biological child and not you that you ran to your mother and complained that money wasn’t being provided to you by your stepmom.
“I told him that it was nonsense that the focus should go to me since they have plenty of time to worry about Sabrina later.” Oh get over yourself, he offered you money that you wanted and you threw a brat fit. “So I called my dad a jerk for favoring Sabrina.” You said the fund was in his WIFE’S accounts… YTJ.
And you know I’m a huge advocate for stepmoms treating stepchildren as their very own but you sure are making a lot of assumptions here, and depending on the situation all stepmom/stepchild dynamics are different… and your last comments seal the deal.” dingthewitchisdeaf
Another User Comments:
“Oh boy YTJ. First off, it’s none of your business if your sister has a college fund. And you had no business snooping into your stepmom’s finances. Your parents, BOTH of them would be the ones to talk to about this. But your parents don’t owe you a college fund.
Most people work and take out loans and apply for scholarships. Your dad is generously offering to pay for community college. Be smart and take him up on it. You can get your core classes out of the way for a fraction of the cost. Though if you’re 17 it’s a bit late to start worrying about a college fund.
Have you even applied anywhere?” sassynickles
5. AITJ For Insisting My MIL Save For Her Retirement?
“I (29f) live with my partner (29f) and my MIL (65f). We are a low-income family and we are renters.
MIL has declining physical abilities due to chronic pain and obesity, and her income is limited (social assistance). She’s almost completely independent, and manages her own finances, just needs assistance with strenuous tasks.
We all moved in together a little over a year ago. My partner and I manage the home and housekeeping, and we help MIL anywhere we can financially. (vehicle costs, cleaning supplies, toiletries, discounting her utilities).
My partner and I are planning to buy our first home 2 years from now.
MIL intends to come with us which was completely fine. Until recently.
About a year ago she told us she was saving 300/month. We commended her but her independence is important to all 3 of us, we didn’t feel the need to get involved more than that.
We found out 4 months ago she has no savings and is spending 600+ on groceries, lottery tickets, and eating out each month. We assessed her finances and found she can cover her expenses, have some spending funds, and save 300/month for retirement care. We feel it’s unfair and disrespectful of her to spend in a way that our budget doesn’t allow because of the sacrifices we make for her life to be easier and more affordable.
It feels entitled of her to spend this way and make no effort toward a retirement plan but expect she will move with us and we’ll foot the bill for her retirement. We explained this to her and she agreed. We came up with a budget we all thought was fair and agreed to do monthly check-ins.
In February she had $1000 of unnecessary spending and saved nothing! We suggested having us open a savings account for her but she insisted she could do it on her own. March, same thing, spent everything, no savings.
A few days ago we told her that as her care providers, we have to do what is best for her, and she’s proving she can’t save for herself.
We insisted that she give us the $300 to put into savings. We explained the account will be separate from ours and she can see monthly statements. We also told her that if she doesn’t agree to this, then she can manage her own finances but that we would go back to a fair 3 way split on all finances, and in two years, when we buy a home, she won’t be coming with us.
She did NOT like this. She yelled at us saying it was unfair, she can do what she wants with her funds, if she pays her rent it’s not our business what she does with the rest. At one point she threw her debit card at my face and said “take everything then!
I don’t care!” Eventually, she agreed with us, but I don’t know that she’s 100% on board.
I feel we did the right thing. To make sure she has enough to pay for retirement care and to make clear that we’re not going to be taken advantage of.
But her emotional state and some of the things she said left us feeling like monsters for setting this boundary.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I guess. If she says she can handle her finances wouldn’t be better to let her live on her own and let her find on her own a person who can assist her?
I mean, she claims she’s independent and she knows how to handle her stuff (obviously she’s not able to handle her own financial situation). She’s doing the double obligation thing, you have to help her because she needs help but you have to respect that it’s her own funds without any questions.
And that’s how she has all rights but no responsibilities in a shared home.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ though 65 is a very late stage to be saving for retirement if she has nothing now. If I were you, I’d take that $300 per month and put it into an S&P 500 index fund.
You aren’t going to get anywhere just putting it into a savings account. As an example, in 2016 I invested $46,738 in an S&P500 index fund. In 2020 I added $17,121. As of today, that has grown to $141,450.” pittsburgpam
Another User Comments:
“I would have her talk to a counselor and get tested for ADHD or bipolar.
I’ve had a similar experience and came to find out the person had untreated bipolar as well as ADHD. Her response of throwing her card and what she said feels like a desperate retreat from the stress and guilt of not handling her finances well.
The more you push the more she will dig her heels in. Also when it comes to finances + family, even if you’re doing it for their own good it normally doesn’t end pretty. (Like asking a friend to help you lose weight, you end up resenting that friend eventually).
Being told that she isn’t handling her finances correctly is a truth, she also more than likely already knows this but is using the funds as a crutch for something deeper. Either to make herself happy or genuinely not noticing until it’s already done. I have bipolar and on a high note, I overspend at times, on the low note I get takeout to try and bring myself back up.
My advice is to seek professional help mentally and financially for her rather than taking the burden on then it turning sour (like it’s starting to). Being on the fence for this vote, I have to go with everyone sucks here. the situation sucks but rather than asking AITJ you should be looking for real help.” Mlady_gemstone
4. AITJ For Giving My Husband The Silent Treatment After He Dismissed My Birth Trauma?
“Last night, my husband and I were watching TikToks after we put our son to bed. We came across one that was talking about the postpartum pain lasting for weeks after a natural birth. I said something along the lines of “oh yeah,” and started laughing because it was a funny video.
My husband laughed and said “yeah, but you can’t really relate since you didn’t have one.” I went upstairs and went to bed without a word. I haven’t spoken to him at all and he’s confused and called me a jerk this morning.
For context: Our son was born 10 months ago. I said all along I didn’t want a c-section. I didn’t want the trauma to my body a major surgery does and I wanted to avoid one at all cost. After 3 hours of pushing, my son’s heart took a turn for the worse and we had to do an emergency C-section to save his life.
I hemorrhaged badly and at one point during the c-section they ordered my husband away because they thought they were going to lose me. I still have birth trauma, I still have birth guilt. I had physical trauma.
This all being said, he knows it’s an emotional wound I’m working on and I know he wasn’t thinking but I know what I will say if I talk to him before I calm down will be not nice and I’ll regret it.
Thus, giving him the silent treatment, mainly for myself but I’m also incredibly upset at him because he knew that’s something I hold major guilt over.
I need perspective, I feel like I’ve lost mine in my own emotions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take some deep breaths. It sounds like you went through such a tough experience. You’re being incredibly courageous in asking for perspective and recognizing that your emotions are in control right now. Wishing you so much peace and healing! Here were my thoughts while reading through… 1.
You probably should be avoiding birth-related content right now until you’re more emotionally stable with your trauma. It’s okay to avoid until you’re more healed. Then you can work on adding back in gradually, in a way that’s healthy for you. 2. You need to set up better boundaries with your husband when it comes to this subject.
Him knowing it’s traumatic for you is very different than him understanding that you don’t want him to talk about it, etc. Sometimes it’s very difficult to understand what someone needs/wants in such a situation and you have to be super clear with him about what you need. 3.
The silent treatment is not healthy for either of you. Saying “I need some time to work through what happened because I’m not handling it well. I do not want to talk about it right now, but I will come to you when I know I can be calmer about everything.
I’m hurting, you don’t have to understand why, but please respect that I am” would be better for both of you.” okayish_22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, you’re full of hormones and everything probably looks bigger than it is. But also it was a really insensitive thing to say when he knows everything you went through to have your son and he knows you’re still battling with the trauma of a deeply scary and painful experience.
I don’t blame you for going silent on him, especially if you didn’t trust yourself in the moment not to turn around and eat his entire head like a giant praying mantis. BUT… it’s not a great communication tactic. He said a dumb thing and he wasn’t trying to hurt you.
Next time, try saying: “That really hurt my feelings and I want you to apologize.”” mrlesterkanopf
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ in that I think you could’ve handled it better. He laughed because you laughed. Was his comment necessary? No, however, you also can’t assume how someone is going to react, especially if you set an example beforehand.
If he was pushed out of the room with you, then you know that he’d obviously got some trauma from that day too, ya know considering he almost lost his wife and newborn child. The biggest issue is the silent treatment. If you simply tell him that you didn’t appreciate that comment, then 9/10 of married men will say sorry and that will be the end of that.
Giving him the silent treatment means that he realized that he did something wrong, but doesn’t understand how or why it was wrong. Is he exempt from being a jerk? No, but you can’t assume that he knows what he says is wrong.” largefather66
3. AITJ For Spending The Day With My Partner's Friend After She Cancelled Our Plans?
“My partner planned for the two of us and one of her childhood friends (Jamie) to go to an amusement park.
My partner rainchecked and her friend hit me up and said that the two of us could still go if I wanted. I did, so I texted my partner to make sure she was cool with it and then we went. Well, Jamie and I had a ton of fun together, and we decided to make a day out of it and also went to see Top Gun together, spent a few hours at the boardwalk, and then she treated me to dinner at a nice seafood place.
For some reason my partner was upset. Little did I know that all day she was blowing up my phone asking why she was looking at Jamie’s “flirty” insta stories about how much fun her friend and I were having together without her.
She says that she didn’t know that the two of us were going to do all that stuff and that she would have said no. Still to me, that’s her problem for saying she was cool about it and then getting upset later.
At the end of the day, all I did was hang out with a friend and I think she’s being ridiculous at the moment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. So, let me rephrase it for you. You went on a day out with your partner’s childhood friend who posted pictures of your day all over social media and you’re wondering why your partner is upset?
Old and married so maybe I’m looking at it differently, but I’m saying everyone is at fault here. Your partner was at fault for assuming you would understand that her “yes” was actually a “yes within very tight limits”. You’re at fault for taking an inch and turning it into a mile.
The minute you two decided to “make a day out of it” is when you should have checked in again. The original ask was to go to the amusement park without her. You ended up going to the amusement park, went to the movies, went to a tourist attraction, and then went on a nice dinner date.
No wonder she’s upset. She was okay with the amusement park. She was not okay with the rest of it.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She said she was cool with it but she was monitoring social media so clearly, she wasn’t okay and then got upset at you.
She’s the jerk for that. You told her you would go to an amusement park and ended up having a day-long outing with another girl, dinner and a movie included, without even thinking of checking in with your partner. Unless you were born yesterday, you absolutely knew this wasn’t going to go down well and are now gaslighting her.
You’re the jerk for that. Jamie decided to hit up her friend’s partner to propose to go out together without her… without checking with her first, then turned that outing into a day-long outing, and made sure to document it in a flirty tone on social media.
She’s the jerk for that. You’re all super immature so I hope you’re all under 18. This is a non-issue but you all have a lot to learn about how to interact with other people you (supposedly) care about.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let me guess – Jamie texted you after the hangout to tell you how much fun she had and how she really hopes you can hang out again soon.
She also probably said your partner is acting just so crazy and there’s no reason you can’t be friends. She may even be telling you that you don’t need your partner if she’s going to be crazy to you. You’re young so you probably don’t know, but there is always a Jamie.
It’s the friend who’s jealous of her friend and her relationship and is definitely interested in the partner. When your partner rainchecked she saw her perfect opportunity. She asked you to still go and I’m betting suggested all of the other plans for the date (let’s call it what it is) like dinner and a movie.
Did she know your phone was on dnd? Perfect opportunity to cause tension between you and your partner by posting all the cute stories all while under the guise of “she said it was fine.” Other people suggested this, but I want you to go back through your day with Jamie and think about if all those things happened while your partner was out with another guy “friend” while you were unable to get ahold of her, but instead just watch it unfold on Instagram if you’d really think it was no big deal. You’ll get it one day or when Jamie makes her move.
Good luck.” ckb251
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother And SIL For Criticizing My Parenting?
“My wife (31f) and I (30m) had a baby 4 months ago. My wife has been suffering from PPD and she’s had a lot of breakdowns here and there and it was just so heartbreaking to see. I decided to give her a day to herself and take care of the baby.
So I took a small leave from work, gave her my card, and told her to do what she needed to do for herself.
My brother (35m) and his wife (34f) came over the same day she was out for a visit and asked me where she was.
I told them she was out doing her own things and they asked why I was babysitting the baby. I told them it wasn’t babysitting when it’s my own child and I was giving my wife some time to herself. My SIL scoffed at me and told me she should be home like a good mom and my brother laughed and agreed saying that taking care of a baby is easy.
I got upset at him and told him “of course it’d be easy for you because you live with mom so you could just dump the baby on her.” He and his wife got upset and started yelling at me so I kicked them out and told them to never come back unless they apologized.
I told my wife about it and she was sad that I fought with my brother because of her but I reassured her that I didn’t care because she was important. I got a call from my mom saying she agreed with me but told me I was a bit harsh for what I said to him and I can’t help but feel like a jerk for that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an awesome dad and husband. Your brother and SIL should be taking notes from you instead of offering their unsolicited advice. Part of being a good mom is being in the right headspace. You were allowing your wife to do just that.
Your brother and SIL need to butt out and let you parent YOUR child. They can go back to mom’s house and keep doing what they do.” Serious-Currency108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… wtf where do they get off telling you how to parent in your own home?
This was not harsh at all. Your wife is struggling and you did exactly the right thing by giving her some time to take a break and relax. It was one day, not a month! You were also right – you aren’t “babysitting”, this is your own child.
Honestly, more men should take the occasional day off to bond with their babies, and I respect you a lot for doing this. Your wife is being a good mom by understanding that she is struggling right now and she needs to be kind to herself and take some breaks, for both her health and the family’s health.
You are being a good dad by supporting her. The fact that your mom agrees with you tells me that they consider parenting easy because they do exactly what you said they do – leave that responsibility to Mom. Your brother and SIL are really angry because you forced them to confront their own failings as parents and made them feel inadequate (and rightfully so!).
This response was definitely not too harsh either, as they need a reality check and those are often not nice. Good on you for standing up for yourself and your family, and showing them how to properly care for their children as well.” krempel47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I didn’t suffer from PPD but once I was given clearance I wanted to get back to the gym (I wasn’t going for my pre-baby body, I just wanted to have some time for myself) and my youngest would scream. He’d been refusing bottles and pacifiers since the day he was born, but we thought this would be a good opportunity to try again.
Eventually, my husband had to call me because he was worried all of the screaming and crying would be bad for the baby. He did call it babysitting once with our oldest which put my teeth on edge.” forgetfulsue
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Nephew At My Birthday Brunch?
“My (28th) birthday is on Monday and I have plans to have brunch with my parents and partner at our apartment.
My brother (39m) and my sister-in-law (40f) travel or go visit friends every few weeks and leave my nephew (9m) with my parents. My mom never says no as it’s her “grandmotherly duty”. My nephew is pretty spoiled and coddled by his parents and my mom so he’s a bit of a whiney, clingy kid.
My mom is also glued to him whenever he visits, which I get, he’s the only grandchild. However, it’s to a point where she goes up and plays in his room with him the whole time during family gatherings. I got told she was too busy reading him a story the last time I tried to chat with her at Easter.
Anyway, my brother apparently asked her today if she could watch him this weekend and she said yes and told me he’d be coming over for brunch too. I really just wanted it to be her, my dad, and my partner and I know with my nephew there she’ll just go off and entertain him the whole time and fuss over him.
So I told her I’d rather not do it and just reschedule and she got all upset about it and refused to change plans and told me they’d be showing up anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your partner should tell her that you’re not going to be there and wish them a nice brunch.
Honestly, it’s ridiculous and she is taking it a bit too far and I’m sure the boy’s parents are taking advantage of your mom who can’t (won’t) say no. Your mom has no right to be upset. Until she’s willing to change, I would make a point to not go around when that kid is around in the future.” PenPenLane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her you won’t be there. That you and your partner are going somewhere for drinks and adult conversation. She agreed to your plans and then decided it was ok to change them on you. Seriously, don’t be at the house at the supposed gathering time.
When she calls, “I told you we wouldn’t be there and we would reschedule to a time when nephew is not there.”” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“”So I told her I’d rather not do it and just reschedule and she got all upset about it and refused to change plans and told me they’d be showing up anyway.” Please go out to brunch with your partner.
It’s your birthday so you have the right to celebrate it in any way that you want to. Your nephew and mother need to know that the world doesn’t revolve around him and that your mother can leave him alone at times during his visits.
Rescheduling an adults-only brunch is not a big deal. NTJ.” PanamaViejo
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