People Enjoy Telling Us These Outrageous 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Reporting My Roommate's Unauthorized Partner And Dog To Our Leasing Office?
“I (21M) live with 3 other people (2 21Ms) and 1 (25M). We had been living together for close to two years when one roommate (25M) decided to let his partner and dog move in with us 6 months ago.
This was not something that was previously discussed, and the only thing I had heard from the roommate was that the partner was coming to stay.
I never wanted to assume people’s situations, so I didn’t say anything to resist and let her move in without issue.
The bigger issue was the dog moving in with us. To my knowledge, neither I nor the other two roommates were told about this.
I am allergic and have had plenty of reactions to his fur even though they attempt to keep him locked in their room. His hair can still be seen on most of the belongings in the living room and kitchen.
I still (other than communicating my allergies) did not say anything directly about the living situation and attempted to roll with it, but things kept getting worse between the roommates personally over smaller issues.
We discussed smaller issues like the air conditioning, and any conversation we had led to him clearly saying that he “doesn’t care what anyone thinks” and “we all pay rent” which in his mind meant he gets to do whatever he wants without compromise.
Things got worse in the apartment for all of us, with me not speaking to said roommate for months.
Finally, after feeling like I was walking on eggshells and not allowed to live a certain way in my apartment, the other 2 roommates agreed that he had become too much, and we opted to make the leasing office in our apartment complex aware of the living situation along with my allergies with the dog.
The apartment complex gave him 7 days to fix both the guest situation and the pet situation (both of which are breaking the leases we agreed to) and his lease will most likely be terminated.
I feel bad for the points that we did not communicate to him on the bigger issues like having another person live with us, but I did mention multiple times my allergies with the dog.
We did not feel as if any compromise or good feeling would come out of it because of how dismissive he was of us both in everyday life and over smaller issues like air conditioning use. I’m not happy that the apartment complex only gave him a week to figure this out because he is an international student, but we did what we thought was best for the apartment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it would have been good to sit down and talk about your specific huge grievances (moving in your partner and her dog without consent from all roommates), it does seem that with any other mentions of issues with him, he didn’t give a darn about what any of you thought.
Bringing the management into it was a reasonable idea, considering it sounds like he was violating the lease agreement by having a long-term “guest” and a dog (which many buildings do not allow). I don’t know if he would have listened to any of you if you had brought this up with him.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I do think you should have spoken up and not let this go on for 6 months and you guys could have given him a chance to move out the partner before going to the landlord.
But I think you all just didn’t want him as a roommate anymore, his attitude was terrible and I’m assuming he wasn’t paying extra rent or utilities for his partner. He had violated the lease for 6 months and wasn’t nice enough to his roommates to make them continue to keep quiet.
Not jerks to report him.” Bluemonogi
21. AITJ For Moving Away With My Siblings Without Informing Our Negligent Dad?
“I f/23 moved at the beginning of May with my three younger brothers F/8, J/8, and M/4 four hours away from home. My Dad and Mom had me when they were young and split up shortly after.
I was with my mum most of the time. When my dad was more in the picture again they had my twin brothers. When my brothers were three, Mum found out my dad had been unfaithful to her for months.
They broke up (never married) and shortly after my mum found out she was pregnant again. In the beginning, my dad and mum had 50/50 custody (I was already 18 by that time) but my dad neglected his custody time, so my brothers stayed with us and saw our dad every other weekend.
When my mom gave birth I was with her, there were some complications and my mum didn’t make it. In her will, she declared that she wanted her part of the custody to go to me. My mom left us enough money to live and I raised my siblings while working.
My dad wasn’t at the funeral, never texted, and saw his youngest son after his first birthday. He wanted to be more involved and got them two weekends a month. Over a year ago my dad didn’t pick up the kids from school and kindergarten when he was supposed to and the police found him intoxicated at a bar.
Since that day I have had full custody of all my siblings and my dad can only see them again when he proved to be sober for more than three months. At the beginning of the year, I got a good job offer, I talked with the boys and they were excited about the move, especially the older ones because their favorite soccer team plays here.
I didn’t inform my dad of the move, because I wasn’t legally required to and he hasn’t seen us for over a year but I told my grandma (my dad’s mom) shortly after the move.
Now my dad wants to take legal action because I took his kids away and family members are calling me a jerk because I am taking him the opportunity to be a dad.
But he isn’t a dad, he never was.
And I may be biologically their sister but I am their mum, I raised them, I changed their diapers, I cared for them when mum died and he was intoxicated somewhere and I am their legal guardian. So am I the jerk here?
I don’t think so but the rest of my family thinks I am and even a few of my friends say that I should have told him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Remind your dad and all his flying monkeys that you have full legal custody and as such can do what you feel is best for *your* family.
Further, remind him that this is the case because he failed as a father. If he gets his act together, you’ll entertain visitation, but he’ll have to come to you. And if he steps up and then breaks his children’s hearts again, he’s done for ever.
There will be no more chances.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Firstly, congratulations on the new job, I bet your mom would be so proud of you! And I’m so sorry you had to be there for that. Your father doesn’t care about being a father when it doesn’t suit him and that’s not what being a father is.
You’ve practically been a mother since the custody thing and have been looking after your siblings and your father has disappointed them so much I’m sure they think of you as the parental figure more! You shouldn’t feel bad for leaving to provide a better life for your siblings, your father can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.
You have 100% custody and it’s your choice what you do now. Best of luck babes.” Familiar_Room_9318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stepped up when your siblings needed you most, taking on the responsibility of raising them after your mom’s passing.
Your dad’s history of neglect and irresponsible behavior, including being found intoxicated when he was supposed to pick them up. You decided in the best interest of your siblings’ well-being, and your commitment to their upbringing is admirable.” Babesmichelle
20. AITJ For Defending My Sister From Our Co-Worker's Harassment At Work?
“For context, my sister, Lisa (20F), and I, Walter (18M), both work front-of-house positions at a local Asian fusion restaurant, where this conflict started. It happened over two days and started when a coworker, we will call him Steven (23?M), waited until the end of the day when there was no one else in the kitchen, and used that time to ask her if “she was done letting the other servers do all the work” and that “she needs to step up her game or she would get fired,” and compared her to a former coworker, Jack (21M), who was let go for his lack of work ethic.
The way Steven spoke to Lisa made her very hurt, she spent the last hour of her shift visibly upset and at one point even crying while she finished her side work.
The following day just before closing I approached Steven before he left and asked him why he would say that to her.
This erupted into yelling as he asked me what Lisa told me and said that she wasn’t doing her job, and continued to yell as I walked away to help out a customer.
Even after we both went our separate ways at the end of the shift, he continued to spam text, call, and Facetime Lisa, Jack, and me, even though none of us had spoken with Jack in months.
He ended up calling Lisa and me a total of 18 times and was spamming a group chat with many messages that did not make sense. I have copied one of many messages below:
“ What’s up, bowling crew!
Gossip Girls* Nice setup! Good Game! STRIKE! Don’t forget to introduce yourself with a handshake.🤝 It draws them in. Sweet whispers!!! Best set up – snake them in and trap them.
NTS – Don’t be yourself.
People will take advantage of you and will never like you 😉 Also, think before you talk and never talk to anyone unless they talk to you! Don’t be honest, give compliments, be kind, or be genuine because they already perceive you negatively.
Play the game and learn that manipulation is the only way to win, right? I’m foolish and behind the game huh!! Hahahahaha Hey guys, don’t forget to screenshot this and show and tell all your friends!!!!!!!!) Remember to just say I don’t know what Ur talking AbOUt!
Yes. I’m nice and kind-hearted. Jk I just faked it right…. These #s aren’t even u guys hahahahahaha. Hook, line, and sinker. I’m a waste of life, y’all won. Happy now 😀 Hahahahaha music to me earssssssssssssssassssssss “
My manager and my boss both saw the entire situation and had seen her crying the day before which never happened. I explained to them exactly how it went down and my boss did not seem happy with Steven.
Would I be the jerk if he gets let go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Steven’s behavior is unacceptable. Given that your manager and boss witnessed the events, including your sister’s distress, and your boss seemed unhappy with Steven’s behavior, there will likely be consequences for him.
It’s unlikely that you’re the jerk in this scenario. You were defending your sister and addressing inappropriate behavior.” sassy_sam4
Another User Comments:
“Steven’s message sounds unhinged and I’m getting “nice guy” vibes from some of the phrasing.
Has he tried hitting on your sister or expressed interest in her in any way? If she’s turned him down and his behavior has escalated to this, he could present a danger to her. Even if he hasn’t, his targeting of her could put her in danger.
His getting let go may be the best scenario here to protect you both from him. NTJ, but you might want to ask your bosses to put you and your sister on the same shift for a while so you can arrive and leave together.
Safety in numbers.” Pleasant-Koala147
Another User Comments:
“Well, his behavior went past rude and entered bizarre/mental breakdown territory. So, NTJ. I’d force this issue and inform your employer that if they don’t deal with their deranged employee, you would be contacting law enforcement.
Also, don’t be afraid to call the non-emergency police number in your community if he continues to escalate. That isn’t the message of a sane person.” HuskerCard123
19. AITJ For Wanting My Late Grandmother's Kitchenaid Mixer Instead Of Our Current One?
“My (20f) newest hyperfixation has been baking, more specifically, baking bread.
However, the past few times I’ve made it, I’ve been using my hands, and anyone who has made bread knows that the dough ends up inconsistent, weirdly shaped, and it’s never kneaded enough, making it sort of dense and lacking flavor (because science, in case you don’t know).
So, I expressed interest in a Kitchenaid mixer.
The first issue arose when my partner (21m) mentioned we have a mixer. And technically, we have two. One is a hand mixer, which isn’t really used for making doughs.
Especially heavy ones like bread dough, as it could overheat the mixer, break the attachments, etc. The other mixer is very old, and basically a glorified hand mixer we got from his mom that she got from her grandma (his great grandma) from the 70’s (I think, based on the model, Sunbeam, but regardless, VERY old).
It’s a cool vintage knick-knack, but I’d never want to use it for cooking.
I tried explaining this to him, but he wasn’t understanding my concerns, so I let it go, and asked my Mom if my grandma’s old mixer was in the market for pickup.
Here’s where I may be the jerk:
My grandma died in 2018, for context, yes it’s been 6 years, but there’s still some of her things in my grandpa’s house, as she died when I was 14, so a lot of things I didn’t have a use for until years later, i.e. her car, jewelry, and now her kitchenaid mixer.
My partner and I have lived together for a year, and we recently got a shelf that the mixer would definitely have a home on. I suggested getting the mixer and he declined, saying since we had the space, we should get a new, bigger model.
The models have not changed since my grandma bought hers, it would be free, it has the attachments I would need, and even if a few were lost or broken, it would only be a $50-$100 attachment instead of a $400-$500 mixer, sans attachments.
I told him it would be a waste of money and space, but he insisted that it would be a better purchase since it would for sure last longer. He then brought up his great grandmother’s mixer again, claiming that if I wanted an older mixer, we already had one.
I tried explaining again, but he didn’t want to hear it. If I didn’t want to use his great grandma’s mixer; why should I get my grandma’s mixer? I understand his attachment to the mixer, but he’s never used it.
I don’t think it’s been used since his great grandmother. And the one I would be getting is the mixer I learned to bake with. And to be clear, I’m not suggesting getting rid of his great grandma’s mixer.
Am I the jerk for wanting my grandmother’s kitchenaid mixer, and not using the one we have?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why your partner has a vote on whether you get a free mixer, or even whether you get any mixer he doesn’t pay for.
But relationship issue aside, he’s simply wrong about the KitchenAid. It’s still a fantastic brand, but their old stand mixers are workhorses that last FOREVER whereas the newer models have plastic parts inside that are intended to wear down after X number of years and be replaced. It was a valid design decision, I’m not knocking it.
But objective fact is that a brand new one will not outlast your grandma’s. You will be handing that one down to your grandkids if they have the sense to want it. NTJ. Get grandma’s mixer if you can and put the saved money into a high yield account toward a house payment or something because it’s a big chunk of change that he wants to throw away.” SearchApprehensive35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as your grandfather is ok with passing it on. If your grandmother used it a lot, it might mean the world to him that her granddaughter now wants to use it as well.
As for your partner, what the heck does it matter to him if you get another mixer? Why do you have to justify this to him? Particularly if it’s a gift from family and isn’t subtracting from your household budget, why does it matter?
This seems unreasonably controlling to me. The only way you would be the jerk is if your grandfather doesn’t want to part with it for sentimental reasons, and you tried to force the issue with him.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ those Kitchen Aids are workhorses Mine is over 40 years old, used at least once a week ( during holidays multiple times a day) and works as perfectly as the day I got it. Tell your partner you should use your grandmother’s and you’ll replace it when it dies ( spoiler alert – they NEVER die).
As far as the attachments it doesn’t matter how old the model is – they never change it. Just go get it, I would” Ok_Homework8692
18. AITJ For Considering Leaving My Partner Over His Obsession With Mimicking Accents?
“Me (28) and my partner (26M) have been together for 3 years. We love and support each other and enjoy each other’s company.
My partner (we’re gonna call him Liam), is the smartest and funniest guy I ever met. He is also quite good-looking and very kind, so you can call him the whole package.
He has recently been dealing with some mental health problems (by recently I mean for the last 7 months or so). To shorten the story, he’s been having crazy mood swings during this time, resulting in a bit of a roller coaster of great times and terrible ones.
He’s been in treatment for this, which is still in progress.
He also has a curious personality, meaning that he likes to explore ideas that he sees, to the point where he gets too excited. When he enters into this stage, he often produces a flurry of business ideas.
Examples of this are a video game and a content creator (Instagram).
He also gets bored of them easily and then stops them and changes to the next one (this is important for later.)
For the last few weeks, he seems to have been on an “upswing”.
His mood is great, he’s doing so much around the house, and he seems to be excelling at work. The problem is though, he’s become latched on to this “business idea” which involves him starting a podcast pretending to be both an Indian guru and a Vietnamese man.
This started when he got a call from “Steve from Microsoft” who told him he had “problems with his router”. This was a scam call, but since then, he has been mimicking “Steve” and trying to get the accent right.
At first, it was funny, so I laughed and told him his accent was quite good.
Unfortunately, I think he took my praise too seriously as he continued to, in his words “refine” the accent. He also began to practice other accents and started watching voice-acting videos on YouTube.
Since coming to me with his business idea, he has been using his accents in around 80% of our conversations (including serious ones). I’ve asked him to stop on multiple occasions, but he either says he’ll stop and then immediately starts again, or he just responds with another accent.
Needless to say, this is driving me insane.
I don’t care if he practices his accents, but I don’t want my serious conversations to be responded to by a man pretending to be an old Indian guru.
I think I’ve been very patient, but this is now beginning to affect me.
I’ve begun to think about the possibility of leaving him. Not just for this, but because I know he’ll abandon this soon and I’m worried about what will come next. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to keep repeating to him how you feel until he hears you.
Tell him what you are thinking about doing if he doesn’t stop, too. He needs to know how serious this is becoming. I’m not trying to diagnose anybody here, but his behavior reminds me very strongly of a friend who was struggling with bipolar disorder and in the manic stage.
I hope he’s getting expert help for his mental health issues.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“Someone who cares about you shouldn’t need to have things repeated this often. Lots of indications in the post that OP cares about the partner, but not a lot of indication the partner cares a lot about her. If this is the smartest and funniest guy she’s ever met, and his idea of “smart” is financially useless and “funny” is just racist, then it’s time to meet a wider circle of people. There are going to be a lot of armchair diagnosis around this one, but that misses the point – it’s not about him, it’s about OP.
NTJ. Leave.” peonyhen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I recognize how hard it is when you’re newly diagnosed (or still just in the process of getting diagnosed, or even diagnosed a long time ago – sometimes it still takes me ages) to see the harm you’re doing to the people around you.
But imitating the accent of another cultural group for comedy and/or financial gain is racist. Regardless of his current ability to recognise and manage his impulses you’re entitled to be hurt by it and assert that it’s not something you can tolerate.
Setting a boundary around how you’re ok with being spoken to isn’t the same as not supporting a person.” Larkus_Says
Tell him how you feel and that if he doesn’t sort it out asap then you are done. He might be smart funny and good looking however he’s financially pathetic and you deserve better tbh. Don’t waste your life on someone who doesn’t care about how their behaviour affects you and makes you feel get out and run. Start fresh with someone who deserves you
17. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About His Extreme Frugality Despite Being Rich?
“My dad and I had a huge fight about his problem with spending money.
Some background, my mom and my dad had an arranged marriage, they had me around 4 or 5 years later, mainly because my dad wanted to be more financially stable for a kid (that’s what he says).
Now here’s the problem, my dad is insanely money conscious, the change from a horrible 500usd (only tuition) per year school to 1000usd school made him so mad he only allowed me to buy cheaper stuff that gave me horrible rashes.
He considers clothes to be a luxury so I have three T-shirts and two pants, I have a 100$ phone whose speakers don’t work and a laptop that’s 10 years old. See I’m fine with what I have, it was all I used to be able to have for a long time but now that we’re not squandering for money is it fair that I still have to give up my dreams of master because he refuses to spend money on that?
(I’m 17, and he doesn’t want me to pursue a bachelor’s either, just start a 9-5 with no degree required)
I know that budgeting is necessary but my father is very, very rich if he retired right now it would be easy for him to live comfortably for another 70 years with no costs cut, and I’d understand if we spend a lot, but we..
don’t?? My father refuses to compromise, on anything, it’s to the point where he gives my mom a 600$ budget to keep the house running, plus the luxuries (by the way this also includes stationery and groceries). Every time my mom brings up how he’s not giving us enough he starts to list how much we spend on electricity property tax etc etc and how we’re spending around 14kusd on taxes and non-workable spending I guess.
All of what I’ve mentioned comes to around at the most 30 percent of his yearly earnings, the rest goes to him, his MacBook, iPhone, and even the latest iPad. I’m pretty sure he spends on himself the amount we spend yearly.
He refuses to think critically and looks for quick ways to save cash, the only ones suffering are people who aren’t him so I got mad when he said he wanted to take off our ACs and coolers.
The temperatures reach 42-43 here and our homes are not built to accommodate that. He’d allow only one hr per day anyway but lord he says he wants us to stop using the fans for an hour too now?
I was angry and in the heat of the moment, I told him if he wanted us to be this expendable he shouldn’t have married my mother or had any kids at all. Now my mom’s telling me that I was being a jerk?
Cause this guy has I don’t know sacrificed so much for us. It’s crazy to me that she’s taking his side.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like he’s financially abusing you and your mother. Even if you have to start working right away it might be worth it to get away from him.” sharp-Yarn
Another User Comments:
“You sacrificed a lot for his poor choices. NTJ. He is being selfish and greedy. A father is supposed to put his family 1st – (each member, for that matter, is supposed to put each other first), but it sounds like you guys put him first and he puts himself first. It’s not going to be much of a family when you get older, realize the damage he has done, and no longer have to put up with it.” More-Diet3566
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly get a job as soon as you can, I don’t know what the education route you can go to but if there are scholarships go for it. To be honest I’d be telling Dad I hope he stays healthy and has already set a plan if his health goes downhill cause you will only do the bare minimum, sending him to a home.
One that reflects his budget for others.” GlumPie8709
16. AITJ For Announcing My Pregnancy To Friends Despite Knowing One Friend's Struggle With Fertility?
“K (30) and I (25) have both had medical procedures in the past, both completely by choice. A year or two ago, K expressed that she regretted her procedure to our mutual friend’s group chat and would express her sorrows now and then.
I’ve been helping her through some of her grief but she’s been paranoid that she won’t be able to get pregnant again because of her age and other factors. I’ve tried my best to be sensitive and support her in any way I can.
Now onto the issue: I found out that I am 7 weeks pregnant a few days before my 25th bday. On my bday, my friends and I (K included) went to it to celebrate. However, knowing what I knew, I declined drinks all night, making up an excuse that I was on antibiotics for an infection.
They understood but were suspicious. A few weeks after, we all planned another night out but I told them beforehand I wouldn’t be able to drink again. A lot of my friends understood except for K. She kept prying asking me why I didn’t want to drink all of a sudden.
I had to make up a lie to get her off my back but it seemed she wasn’t satisfied with my answer. After finally confirming I was pregnant and with another social event coming up where drinking would likely be involved, I announced my pregnancy to my friends in the GC.
Everyone was happy for me except K. She didn’t reply at all in the GC. Instead, she privately messaged me and asked me why I lied to her. I told her I wasn’t comfortable telling anyone about my pregnancy yet as it was so early and I wasn’t 100% sure.
She then went on a rant about how unfair life was and that she should be the one pregnant. She stated that she was happy for me but couldn’t help but feel like I betrayed her by announcing the baby when I knew how she felt.
I was dumbfounded. I knew she was struggling but I never knew that she would react like that to something I couldn’t control. She made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to be pregnant or happy because she wasn’t.
I didn’t reply and I kind of just distanced myself from her and the GC. My other friends got worried and reached out to both of us and tried to figure out what was going on. K expressed her sadness and feelings in the group chat and some of my other friends started to agree with her that I was kinda a jerk knowing what she was going through.
I don’t even know what or how to react to all of this rn. Was I the jerk and was I insensitive to the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your choice to decide when to share pregnancy news.
The fact that she kept pressing you about the drinking is weird. What if you were doing 75 hard, going sober, or taking new meds? It’s not her business. You didn’t “lie,” you were maintaining your privacy.
She’s using the phrase lie to guilt you. Also, some more information might help here, but is she currently actively trying to conceive? Why should she be the one pregnant? Either way, even if she was struggling with fertility, that doesn’t void your right to privacy.
She’s being messy.” samlet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does K think she owns all of you and because she can’t get pregnant, none of you are allowed to? This is childish. Yes, she is allowed to be sad.
But this is a her problem, not a group problem. And if the group sees it like that – maybe it is time to distance yourself from them. Write something like ‘I’m sorry, that being pregnant seems to be taboo in this friend group.
Or at least saying to be and not drinking. So I will distance myself and take care of myself and the baby. Wish you all good luck in the future” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that K is feeling upset about possibly not having children and hearing about your pregnancy was hard for her, but she’s going to have to learn to handle those feelings, quickly.
The next ten years are going to have **a lot** of pregnancy announcements in her friend and family age group. It is reasonable that you would share your news with your friends! Since you knew she was in a somewhat fragile state regarding pregnancy in general it might have been kind to approach her privately, but not necessary.
Also, congrats on your pregnancy!” Shandrith
15. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My Milestone Birthday My Way?
“I’m approaching a milestone birthday and my fiancée and I have been planning for 2 years a trip to an area of the country where one of my hobbies is produced. There’s a museum and an opportunity to engage in the hobby etc so it’s a big deal and I was incredibly excited about it.
I told my Mother about the plan and she asked: “well what about me? What am I supposed to do on your birthday? It’s a celebration for me too having you reach (milestone)”. I informed her that she could come and we could have a nice dinner up there but she declined as she was not in any way interested in my hobby.
I informed her it was a lovely area with a nice food scene and we could do that too so she and her partner had things to do but she wasn’t interested. I compromised and agreed to come to her city instead and she was very happy, she asked what I wanted for dinner and I said tacos or something interesting.
She then started insisting I invite childhood friends, it took me some time to explain that barring one or two I had no relationship with many of these people, nothing bad we just drifted apart. I eventually compromised and invited the son of her best friend and his wife and I was like fine whatever it’s no big deal. My local friends however told me that due to the distance to my Mother’s city, they wouldn’t be able to come (we all work shifts and such and I understand, unless you have annual leave more than a day being away isn’t practical).
I was gutted but anyway whatever.
Fast forward a month my Mother informed me she was going to do a lasagne and we would have a quiet dinner party. I tried to ask to please have something different (we love her lasagne but I wanted to try something special for my milestone).
She said categorically no, she didn’t want to pay for anything and would rather make the food. We offered to pay for ourselves so it wasn’t too expensive but she was insistent she was going to cook and she wasn’t going to do anything else.
I left it not wanting to upset her but I was becoming a bit upset feeling like every single thing I had asked for had been binned.
I contacted her today and asked if we could maybe do something a bit different like going to a restaurant or takeout, I pointed out that I had already compromised pretty heavily coming to her City meaning I couldn’t go to my original destination.
She told me “I’m your Mother, this is my anniversary too. But fine you don’t have to come see me” and slammed the phone down.
I’m feeling guilty about upsetting her so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“it’s your birthday, not hers.
It’s cool she wants to celebrate, but you’ve bent over backward already. Don’t feel bad for wanting a special dinner out or something different than lasagna. If she can’t chill, maybe just celebrate with your fiancée and do your own thing.
It’s your day!” Elegant_Elliee
Another User Comments:
“So if you’d just told your mother no in the first place, you would have felt guilty for upsetting her…and then worked through it over time. Instead, you contorted yourself for weeks so your mother wouldn’t hear the word no…and you’re still left feeling guilty for upsetting her.
With people like this, nothing will make them happy except blind obedience. Time to shine up that spine.” terpischore761
Another User Comments:
“Wow NTJ Take the trip you were planning. Celebrate your birthday. You can still celebrate with your Mom on another day.
She sounds controlling and selfish. You already conceded too much. I can’t wait until she makes your wedding all about her as well.” hikergirl26
14. AITJ For Planning Mother's Day For My Friend And Making Her Husband Look Bad?
“Yesterday was Mother’s Day in our country. My husband has been friends with John (not his real name) forever and I also became very good friends with John and his wife Anna.
Last year they became parents to a beautiful daughter and we were asked to be godparents to her. John has to take kind of an exam for his job this week so I knew he would be stressed and maybe doesn’t have a free head for Mother’s Day.
Anna is very relaxed about most things and their wedding was also super relaxed but she admitted that she struggles to communicate if she wants more effort.
That’s why I wrote him a message that I thought Anna would love some attention for Mother’s Day and that I wanted to make something special for her first Mother’s Day.
We could both brainstorm and I would help him organize everything since I knew he had the exam. He said that he was too busy to even think about it. I was annoyed but knew Anna would be sad so I told him that I would organize everything and he only had to put his name under it if he wanted?
He told me that he would think about it and text me later about it. That was two weeks before Mother’s Day. He never texted. So I did something on my own. I made a photo album for her with pictures from the first eight months of their family, baked her a cake, got her flowers and a reservation and gift card for some food place she loves for dinner.
I came over after breakfast, we hugged and she seemed touched. John was sleeping upstairs.
John wrote a furious message to my husband that I overstepped boundaries and ruined Mother’s Day. My husband told me completely shocked. I felt super bad although I didn’t quite know what was wrong.
I called Anna – ready to apologize if any gift was inappropriate. She told me everything was fine and she was happy about my effort but had a huge fight with John. John said I led him on to think I would take care of everything and that’s why he didn’t get anything.
I did offer it but he never agreed or texted me back about it. Anna also said she doesn’t believe him. He didn’t even wish her a happy Mother’s Day before I came (he was sleeping late in the morning).
She also said he watched TV all weekend.
My husband is on my side but some of our friends and John are saying I did make him look bad and that I should have texted him again to ask him if he would put his name under the presents?”
Another User Comments:
“Mild-YTJ but very well-intentioned. You inserted yourself into their marriage dynamic, and it’s not your place to do so. Let’s say your original plan had gone through: You plan and prep everything, and John writes his name on it all.
Your friend is now deceived as to the intentions and care of her husband. You are enabling his thoughtlessness. He would have learned nothing. Are you planning to do this for all future birthdays and gift-giving holidays, and keeping this deception alive?
What you did that is NTJ is show Anna what a caring partner can do when they want to. You’ve called John’s bluff. Maybe he will step up more. Maybe not. In the future, it’s okay to be transparent, not lie, and shower Anna with attention as her friend.
Celebrate that you both love this little girl. Celebrate your friendship. If John doesn’t like looking bad in comparison to you, he can start stepping up his game. If he does that everyone wins.” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did a kind and thoughtful thing for Anna, your friend, on Mother’s Day. You reached out to her husband, John, to offer help in planning something special for Anna, but he did not respond to your offer.
Since he did not respond, you went ahead and planned something on your own to make Mother’s Day special for Anna” sweety_naomi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You tried to coordinate with John. You did quite a bit but John looked bad because he did absolutely nothing.
He put zero thought or effort in. Mother’s Day was not a surprise event. He had months before the exam to plan anything. He did not even bother to say Happy Mother’s Day to her on her first Mother’s Day.
Being busy with an exam that week is no excuse for that.” Bluemonogi
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Partner's Family's First Option For Dog-Sitting?
“I have been seeing my partner for 7 months. I have met her parents on numerous occasions, including family holidays, and even helped her move alongside them recently.
The family will be going on a week-long trip in late June (I wasn’t invited along, which I understand as it is a family trip). Her parents asked me to dog-sit while they are away as they have an older dog that needs supervision, and I suppose that dog resorts and sitters are too expensive – therefore they asked me.
The problem, however, is that I live 40 minutes away from their home, so I would have to live in their house with nothing to do (maybe bring my gaming computer?) while they go on vacation. During this time, I have nothing to do (I graduated from college and will start my job after they return from vacation).
So it’s not that I don’t have the time/ability to do this, it’s just inconvenient. That being said, I might take a different trip with a parent at some point during that week, but I’m not 100% sure that that trip will happen, and haven’t locked down any dates.
I told my partner and her mom that I didn’t want to do that because of the vacation and because I would have to stay at that house for an entire week – away from my bed, gym, and other comforts of home.
I simply don’t want to have to do that.
I also said that they should explore alternatives and if they really can’t find someone who lives closer to dog-sit, or send the dog to a resort then I’ll dog-sit.
I just don’t want to be the first option.
My partner texted me that, because I’m on the fence, and because they “simply don’t have any other alternatives”, they will likely be canceling the trip. I told her that they shouldn’t do that and that I’ll do it if need be.
I’m also confused as to why neighbors or other alternatives can’t be explored in the meantime (her uncle who lives around 20 minutes away has done it in the past, but now has a wife and 2 dogs of his own, so they are hesitant to ask him to do it.
I get that they need to book flights and accommodations now, and therefore need to know what happens with the dog to go on the trip, but I am confused as to how the whole thing hinges on me.
WIBTJ if I didn’t commit to dog-sitting for them while they’re on vacation? I feel as though they are angry and resent me for this right now, but I have made it clear that I will dog-sit if it means the difference between going and not going, I just don’t want to be the first option.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Helping other people isn’t an obligation. Sure it’d be nice, especially considering you likely don’t have anything else going on during that time, but simply not wanting to is sufficient enough reason to not do so.
They shouldn’t have planned a vacation if they didn’t know if they were going to be able their dog taken care of. If they can all afford to go on a vacation they can afford to pay someone to watch their pet.” KelsierIV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As others have pointed out, they booked this trip without having a confirmed sitter in place first. It feels like they are extra judgy and harsh because they’re testing you. After all, you might be a long-term hold for their girl, and well, family.
The family would do anything, so why aren’t you (but also, they’ve tapped out their current family options). Either way you go on this one is going to leave a mark. Don’t do it, but if you also have long-term feels… they’re gonna remember.
In their minds, you had no prior commitments and could have scheduled your maybe family trip at another time. If this is a short-term hold, it’s only been 7 months and they’re expecting more than they should.
I would start to phase out the quality time spent with her family going forward.” Snackinpenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if they can afford a family vacation they can afford a dog hotel for a week. If the dog hotel is too expensive they need to take a long look at finances and a vacation is probably not a good decision in that case.
Do not let your partner manipulate you to do anything you are not comfortable with. This is a big ask and you are perfectly fine to say no. Are they offering to pay you? Yeah, I didn’t think so.” buttpickles99
12. AITJ For Planning To Leave My Disrespectful Roommate Without Telling Him?
“I (24 F) have decided I need space away from my roommate (24 M). Originally, I thought he was a good friend who had the best intentions of helping me out of a bad home life away from my family.
We had it good for 9 months but then out of nowhere, I found him unbearable to be around. He was kind, there for me, supported me emotionally, and became my best friend for a while. But now, he’s sloppy, has no respect for my belongings, or my car, doesn’t clean up after himself, “accidentally” mixes his laundry with mine when I’m doing mine so his gets clean, and asks for money from me.
In the past, I’ve sat him down for a serious conversation about his actions but all he does is apologize profusely clean up his act for 2 weeks, and go right back to his old ways. About a month ago, I informed him I no longer wish to share a living space with him because of his repeating behaviors.
He blocked the door when I tried to leave to get some air. I told him he was scaring me by doing this and about to bring up some PTSD issues I have.
He didn’t move. We argued for hours and I never got to leave.
I hid in my room until the next day. I didn’t bring it up again and then a week later he asked if I still felt that way, out of fear I told him no. I told him everything was fine but, while at work on my lunch break, I looked at apartments and had tours.
I found an apartment I liked and applied for it. I plan to move out when he’s at work and block him from everything. I wanted nothing to do with him ever since that day I felt trapped. I did not leave one bad situation just to get into another.
I tried to have reasonable conversations with him but he turns into a child and throws tantrums when I speak about anything that could mean me leaving.
He tells me my feelings about him are invalid from our arguments because that was the “old” him.
Old him meaning last night, a few days ago, or however he sees fit. At this point, I don’t care about the $2K he owes me for paying for his half of the rent, I’d rather leave in peace without it than stick around and wait for him to pay me back.
On the other side, on his behalf; If I leave, he won’t be able to afford an apartment on his own. His family is states away. If I leave he might become homeless. He knows this too but still chooses to act this way.
AITJ for leaving my roommate without them knowing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can leave, DO IT! His creepy and controlling behavior could take a dark turn very easily. Trapping you in the house and not letting you leave is beyond Red Flag City.
Trust your gut, trust your fear, get out ASAP, and hide your plans well. It’s his fault if he winds up homeless, not yours. He is not your responsibility. He pretended to be nice to lure you into his trap and now he has you.
Escape while you can.” Archival_Squirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stay safe However, if you are on the lease with him, you may want to give your leasing agent a heads up that you are breaking the lease and moving out because he is abusive.
They may allow you to break it no problem if they are nice. But some places don’t care and may still go after you. Depending on the place, maybe wait till the day you leave so they don’t make it worse with him?
Dunno.” Trick_Delivery4609
11. AITJ For Being Upset About My Fiancé's Choice Of Engagement Ring?
“I, 26 F and my fiancé, 30 M have been together for a year and a half now. We started talking about marriage and looking at rings 3 months into our relationship. We knew exactly what we wanted to do and how we wanted to go about it.
In January of 2024, we started doing some ring shopping (before the proposal) to see what kind of ring I wanted. I told him my ring size and the kind of design I liked so he knew what to look for with me.
(Size 7.5, round cut) We decided to go to the pawnshop to see what they had and I saw this GORGEOUS rose gold diamond ring for $999! I had been debating between having an emerald stone or a diamond, but seeing this ring made it easy for me to decide!
I told him that this was the one.
At the pawnshop, they offered layaway options where you can make payments over time and I thought that was a good idea for us to afford the ring! After we left, I trusted that he would get the gist of what I wanted and how to get it.
I had been talking about it ever since I saw it.
Fast forward to now, May, he proposed to me with a completely different ring that I didn’t choose or ever show interest in. Although it was an emerald ring, it was a rectangular design.
The stone in the ring is green but it is not real emerald. The ring is also 2 sizes bigger than my ring finger(size 9). When he proposed to me, I said yes because I love him and it wasn’t about the ring that I wanted to marry him.
It’s like I was disappointed and grateful at the same time.
Yesterday, I asked him what happened to the ring we had been talking about from the pawnshop and he told me that he had put it on layaway.
But when he broke his hand in April, he was out of work for a while and couldn’t make a payment on it… so he wasn’t able to keep it on layaway. However, he has been back to work a month since then and never went to put it back on layaway.
Instead, he bought a completely different ring at full retail price, that can’t fit my finger and I honestly don’t even like it.
His excuse is that he didn’t want to spend money on layaway because we are in the process of moving.
I honestly believe it was just easier for him to get the emerald. I suggested we get a refund on this ring and go to the pawnshop to put the money down on the ring I wanted. He agreed but it wasn’t his suggestion… and he has barely said a word to me since then.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This isn’t about not liking the ring. This is about the fact that the two of you had a discussion – you were clear about what you wanted, it was reasonable, and he agreed. You two were communicating openly about the plan up to a point, but then when he ran into a barrier he stopped communicating with you and decided to just do his own thing.
I think the bigger conversation that you have to have with him is why he decided to cut you out of the decision-making when he did. That type of breakdown in communication when things get tough/don’t go as planned has the potential to be a repeating issue in your relationship.
Also – it is a bit concerning that he bought a ring 1.5 times too big despite knowing your ring size. I feel like there is something he is not telling you about his choice of ring. And depending on the design/metal of the ring, it may not be able to be resized enough to fit properly – and if it could be, why didn’t he do that before proposing?” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You discussed what you liked, you found something you both liked. Just like most posts here are not about the thing someone posts about, this is not about the ring. This is about someone who cared enough to learn your taste and size of the ring, and even put it on layaway… then completely dropped the ball and didn’t communicate with you when he couldn’t make the payment to keep it on layaway.
He didn’t want to put money toward the layaway so instead he bought you a ring that doesn’t fit and you don’t like and paid full retail. I’d be concerned about marrying someone who stops communicating when things get difficult.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to love the ring that is going to be on your hand. He should have talked to you about the layaway and money issues while it was happening, but he didn’t, and that he is defending his purchase of the wrong size and ring is indicative of other issues.
Think long and hard about your future.” SusanfromMA
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law Babysit Our Daughter Because Of Her Drinking Problem?
” I, (25 F), and my husband (25 M) have been together for a while.
We have been together since we were 14 years old and my relationship with his family has been anything but good, to say the least. His mother has never really cared for me and to be quite honest, I have no idea as to what I have done.
I have apologized many times even when I know I wasn’t wrong. I have put myself in uncomfortable situations for him to keep the peace. Just to name a few things, she told him when we were 18 that she demanded he leave me due to not liking me.
She said this too in front of my best friend. She completely ruined our wedding all over her own mistake and instead of owning up to it, she took my wedding dress away from me a few days before our wedding (thankfully, my father-in-law, who is her ex-husband, bought me a wedding dress due to all of our money going to the wedding).
She even ruined our baby shower when she was “not involved”. She was involved, she just didn’t care to consider everyone else.
My husband has always been the silent type and tried to let things go. That is, until right before our daughter was born.
We were being induced late at night and we said that we did not want everyone to feel obligated to be at the hospital so late and be uncomfortable. We felt this was reasonable, especially since we have a lot of people in each of our families with health issues and are also older.
Well, she told everyone that we told her not to show up and she was unwelcome. Not the case. His family began attacking us over it. It went as far as on family Christmas, his grandmother screamed at me in front of everyone for refusing to let our 2 1/2-month-old be passed around after none of them had checked on us and most of them had been sick.
Fast forward, our daughter is close to a year old and she has never babysat for us. I will admit, we do not ask. But my husband has his reasons. He says he is uncomfortable due to a lot of childhood trauma she caused as well as she has a major drinking issue and refuses to put the bottle down.
It was recently brought to my attention that she has told the whole family about this and my husband is not pleased. I told him to handle it how he saw fit, but I felt as if she wasn’t fit to babysit her due to the manipulation and lying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you would be a massive jerk if you undermined your husband on this and sacrificed your child’s safety to appease the family that already doesn’t respect you. You gave a list of horrible things she’s done that would have been unforgivable and justified cutting contact a dozen times over.
Hearing your husband say she’s an abusive heavy drinker who shouldn’t be around your child means that even if he changes his mind, you should be fighting to make sure she’s not around your kid. Cut off contact, if any family members start to give you issues explain why, and then cut them off if they can’t accept your answers.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, drinking is the first and best reason to refuse to let her watch your children. If she tries to tell you she got sober, tell her you have a one-year sober requirement and that she will have to take booze breath tests before and after each visit as well as if she watches your kids.
That should stop her dead in her tracks!” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“Definitely can relate and so sorry you have to experience such things! keep her farther than arm’s length. go no contact it might be just the game changer for you or it could make things worse in all honesty but it will just give you even more of a valid point to not let her do it and be a part of those important moments.
like others said be careful of manipulation or fake genuinty just to get what she wants.” Infinite_Dealer5177
9. AITJ For Being Upset That I Sleep On The Couch While My Partner's Daughter Sleeps In Our Bed?
“So 29 (M) here. I and my 36-year-old baby’s mother live together. We’ve gotten back together about 5 months ago. (Long story but happy as can be).
Before our break, we were together for 6 years.
She also has a 15-year-old daughter. Keep in mind I love her daughter as if she was my own. Unfortunately, her father hasn’t seen her in about 14 1/2 years due to other reasons #deadbeat.
So upon moving in, my son(4 years old) sleeps with her, and her daughter (15 years old gonna be 16 soon) sleeps with her at night in the bed as well.
So moving in wasn’t necessarily planned, it just happened and I don’t regret it.
It’s a 2 bedroom 2 bath at her apartment. The daughter has her room, queen size bed everything, and the master bedroom has baby momma and mine stuff, bed, etc.
The only issue is, my bed is the couch.
Since I moved in, we split the rent, utilities, and everything 50/50. Normally I’d sleep with her in the bed with my son (never a problem) just because my son doesn’t have a room yet. But as for her daughter?
Seems a little unfair to me. I love them all, but allowing your 15-year-old daughter to sleep with a furry animal, and sleep in the bed, when your partner is on the couch, doesn’t sit right with me.
This whole daughter sleeping in the bed had just recently happened before I moved in. But I have great trouble wrapping my head around the mentality of “What am I doing here?”
I feel like I’m couch surfing.
I didn’t renew my nice apartment loft downtown due to us discussing ways we can be together more, how I can help her out more taking the kids to school in the am, picking them up ( I work full time), and side is I see them more.
Which I love.
But we’re partners, together. I’ve mentioned respectfully that my back hurts from the couch but her response is “I can’t tell my daughter to not sleep In the bed with me, I feel she will feel left out.
“
Wrapping my head around this sucks. I feel disrespected and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong. But again, I cover 50% of any bill in the apartment with her and am still, couch-surfing it, am I in the wrong?
Or Is she? Should she put her foot down and realize her daughter isn’t 5 years old anymore? Is it separation anxiety from the daughter? or should I just accept I’m on the couch and hope one day the daughter matures enough to stop sleeping with her mom in the bed and I get my bed back with my partner?
Mentioning my frustration to my partner would usually result in us probably arguing. Which I don’t want but I don’t know what else to feel, or think.”
Another User Comments:
“This woman appears to be using you for rent and utilities.
I suspect she’s keeping the kids in bed with her intentionally to limit time with you. I’m wondering about your self-esteem and why you allow that. You deserve a bed to rest especially as you pay for it.
I wish you well. Sir, you really need a conversation with your partner where you put yourself first, don’t let her guilt you or use your feelings for her children as a tool to keep treating you like a bank and a sofa-surfing visitor” Altruistic_Boss_138
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is concerned that her daughter will feel left out. Left out of what, exactly? Bedtime is -private- time, even if you’re single/alone. I let my boys sleep with me if they were sick, or if there was a really bad storm outside but otherwise, nope.
They stayed in their bed, and I stayed in mine. (Their dad died when they were young) If your partner is not willing to allow you over her daughter as the one in the bed at night, then it might be time for some serious conversation, whether she gets angry or not, and re-evaluate the whole situation.” Taliyahna70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Didn’t she bring this up before you moved in or were you just presented with bedding and directions to the couch? It’s unacceptable and she must know this, so discuss how to phase the daughter back to her room.
It needn’t be an ultimatum but if it doesn’t change then you do need to think about moving back out. And that’ll significantly impact your relationship.” AllInkalicious
8. AITJ For Choosing A Career I Love Over What My Relatives Want?
“I am 19F from India. My father passed away when I was 17, just a few months before my high school board exams. Ever since that, my relatives have become the unofficial moral police in my life.
They try to control every decision of my life. They question my choices, even what I buy or where I go. Short background story: My father was a retired central government officer. I can say that my mother and I did not struggle financially after his demise because we received a decent amount of pension every month and had handsome savings, although emotionally we were crushed. My parents were together for 9 years and were married for 36.
When I say the love I saw between them raised my standards sky high, oh I mean it. P.S.- I was adopted at 5 months, but that doesn’t make a difference.
So, after I graduated high school I decided to pursue a degree in psychology because that’s what I wanted from my heart.
(In my school days I may have wanted to become a doctor but that changed and I soon realized that job was not for me).
So I worked hard and got into one of the top universities in my country (BHU).
It’s a central government college so the fees are very low. I didn’t tell my relatives about choosing this career path because why do I need to? Right? My mother supports me and for her, my happiness is what matters to her.
She says I’d rather choose a career I love rather than settle with a career I’m not happy in.
I shared the news that I got into this prestigious college only after I got there and my admissions were finalized.
After they got to know that news, they were furious (I don’t know why) and screamed at me that I was selfish for choosing a career like this. According to them, I should have chosen a career like engineering or medicine so that I could be established sooner (well it’s India.
All they can think of as a career option is medical or engineering). They screamed at me for being selfish and wasting my father’s hard-earned money on some degree that’s gonna be of no use (dude my college fees are like 2000 rupees a year i.e. like 24 dollars).
They were also angry with the fact that I moved out of state for college but I have many opportunities to go to a renowned uni out of state and my mom is fine with it.
But I also know it would have been good for my mother if I chose a career that got me established quickly.
But the heart’s gotta do what it wants. I’d rather do something I love. And I know that the career I chose requires an MPhil or PhD. So AITJ for being selfish and choosing a career that I love?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they just want your father’s money but they can’t so they are trying to make sure you and your spend less money so they can get it whenever they have don’t let them get in your mind they are typical tradation families. I can tell they are just jerks, screw them, focus on your studies, be happy with your life, and always take care of your mother.” BigShine4706
7. AITJ For Locking The Bathroom Door In The Apartment I Share With My Friend?
“I (M22) live with a good friend of mine (M21) who I met in university, who we’ll call Aaron. Aaron and I get along exceptionally well and have been sharing an apartment since October 2023. This is my first time sharing an apartment with someone (I was in university boarding until now) and it’s going super great overall— I was worried we’d end up having some major differences but everything has been going smoothly and I enjoy living with him.
There’s just one issue and I feel like maybe I’m making a big deal but it’s just kind of weird to me. We have one bathroom, which is one of those combo bathrooms that includes the toilet as well as a shower, sink, etc. When the door locks, it clicks very loudly and can be heard outside the room.
I always lock the door when I’m using the bathroom because that’s just what feels comfortable to me, but Aaron disagrees. A couple of months after moving in he made an offhand comment about how I didn’t need to lock the door each time since he obviously won’t open it when I’m in there.
At the time I thought he was joking so I sort of laughed it off.
Since then, though, he’s brought it up multiple times. Once I realized he wasn’t joking I told him I just preferred to have it locked just in case, and that otherwise, I think I would feel too vulnerable while “doing my business”.
He said it shouldn’t matter either way, since he would never open the door anyway. I told him I knew that but I just like having it locked. I think he interpreted that as me not trusting him or something because he looked kind of hurt and offended.
To be clear he hasn’t tried to pressure me into keeping the door unlocked and I think it’d be weird if he did. But every so often when I’m done using the bathroom he’ll joke about it but with this expression that looks like he’s still a bit hurt.
It feels like he thinks me locking the bathroom door is a sign I don’t trust him to keep his word. I’ve tried explaining that I lock the door when I’m with my family as well, but he says that’s probably because they’re awful with boundaries (and to be fair they are, when we lived in a house without locks my mum would walk in on me all the time).
I have to stress that Aaron is a great guy and other than this we have no issues. This isn’t a major thing and I feel like maybe I’m overreacting because he seems so sad that I don’t trust him.
But it just feels a bit weird to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ asks him to stop bringing it up as he’s making you uncomfortable, and you can reiterate it’s not about a trust issue with him it’s about a comfortability issue with yourself.
“I locked the door even back home at my parents! But dude, you gotta let it go! Why do you care so much what I’m doing when I take a dump?” Turn the joke back around on him.
It’s weird how hung up he is on you locking the door in the bathroom. That is very common behavior.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – if it’s just that he’s mentioned a few times that there’s no need to lock the door.
That could just be a trust thing.No onee locks the door in my house, but we don’t walk in if the doors are closed. If he keeps bringing it up so much you’re uncomfortable then he is the jerk.
Is he perhaps gay/bi and feels you’re locking the door so he doesn’t make a pass at you? Whatever the issue, it seems he sees it as you not trusting him and you like the security of a locked door – just have a proper chat about it and make sure he knows it is not a lack of trust, etc.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Aaron is being the weird one. The majority of people lock the bathroom door when going to use the toilet or personal hygiene, Just because he & his family don’t lock the bathroom or toilet doors.
he can’t badger everyone else into changing. “Aaron, stop going on about this, Like the majority of people in the U.K. , I lock the bathroom door when using it. I don’t plan to change as it’s about my comfort, not yours.
Get over it.”” JSJ34
6. AITJ For Telling My Unemployed Mother To Get A Job Before I Help With House Expenses?
“So, there would be like 30 years of context before having the full grasp on this issue. But I’ll try.
I live in Italy.
One of the European countries that has one of the highest average “out of parents house” age range.
At 29 years old, I am one of those.
My sister is 25 years old, as well.
The issue is my mother and our financial situation.
I am not staying at my parent’s house because I want, but because I still can’t move out.
I am planning to in a bit, but I can’t right now.
From 19 to 26, I did a lot of intermittent jobs VERY short term in nature, and I couldn’t afford to save money.
During this time, my mother NEVER had a stable job, also suffered from depression, and would always ask for money from, external people, friends, sons and daughters, institutions, State money, etc.
When I was young, she would guilt trip me into giving up on the things I wanted to do because “we are a trio and we are in a dangerous situation” so I would give her a lot of the little money I would make and my life would stall so much because she would give the money back in like 5/10 euros now and again, so I wouldn’t be able to do anything.
So I haven’t had anything saved up because of my difficulties in finding jobs because of my anxiety and depression and dealing with my Mom’s depression and anxiety. And she would also ask me or my sister for some of that money so we were always short.
All the while, she couldn’t find a stable job and relied on State welfare and friends and my sister, more than me.
So, right now I am at peace with what my mother is, but I recently told her, when she told me that “I was the only chance to save the house”, and I gave her all the rent money, that I would stop help her until she found a job.
Then I would put my fair share of money into the house.
She answered, “No one tells me what to do or gives me ultimatums.”
My sister agrees with me on what my mother’s faults are but judges my boundaries wrong because she thinks I live and have an effect on expenses so it’s wrong to not put money into the house.
She thinks that I should still put my share but not all, and if she cannot put her share then that’s on her.
So, AITJ for telling my mother to go get a job before I put any money on the house?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here yet. If you are living with her at age 29, it is not unreasonable to ask you to contribute to some household expenses. If you were a minor, the request would be unacceptable.
But it is not unreasonable now. However, you also have the right to refuse, leave, and rent someplace else. I would strongly recommend that option if you can afford it. This is probably only going to get worse.” laxnut90
Another User Comments:
“I am not telling her that I won’t ever help her at all. I am telling her that, if she wants to split rent and expenses in three then she has to find some income, otherwise there’s no guarantee that she will meet her promises without getting to the point of potentially asking for more because otherwise “only you can save the house”.
Because it has always been the case and I don’t want to feel that anymore.” MoussakaChaos94
5. AITJ For Inviting My Brother And Niece To The Circus Without My Parents' Approval?
“I (31F) enjoy any chance I can get to spend with my brother Robert (35M) and my niece Cindy (4F).
With it being summer, the circus has come to the area and it’s a good chance for the whole family to enjoy a day out.
I will say, we don’t get along with Robert’s wife Kelly (34F).
This stems from the fact that during a difficult time, she quit her job and my brother decided to pay all her prior school loans, and debts and bought her a new car as her old one kept breaking down.
Our parents (64F and 65M) immigrated to America and saw Kelly’s behavior as being a gold-digger and using Robert for his money when they worked their way up in their career fields respectively. When we told Robert this, he told Kelly and needless to say, our relationship has been strained since then even with apologies and trying to move forward.
This is Kelly’s right, and so we only really see her on holidays and sometimes birthdays.
The problem lies in that our parents are still somewhat strained with Robert as well. I consider them to be the very prideful “we don’t want to beg to see him and Cindy” type of people.
Because of this, they don’t always like me talking to Robert or believe there’s no reason to talk to him since he spends 80-90% of his time with Kelly’s side of the family and usually makes no effort to see us unless it’s a special occasion.
I know Kelly is his wife and it makes sense to spend time with them. I just miss how close we were and I don’t want to further distance myself the way our parents have.
We all will be in town this weekend and Dad mentioned buying tickets for the circus.
Originally, he told me he would just buy 3 tickets for himself, Mom, and me but I overheard Mom say when I visited earlier in the month she would like Cindy to come just to see the event, but wouldn’t ask Robert as he is dictated by Kelly and her family.
Robert FaceTimed me back on Friday with Cindy and after catching up, I decided to ask if he was free next weekend for the circus. He said he would check his calendar and later texted me he and Cindy could come.
I told Dad today that while visiting Robert is free to come to the circus too with Cindy. Though he hadn’t bought the tickets yet, he gave me this glare/frown and asked why I told Robert in the first place.
I said I brought it up when he FaceTimed me. He dropped it after that and I went back home.
I feel like a bit of a jerk for going behind Dad, but I don’t want to purposely keep things from my brother just because we don’t get along with his wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So doing the math, your niece Cindy was born around 2020. Your SIL quit her job during a difficult time probably to care for their newborn daughter and possibly to keep them all healthy if she was in a career where she would interact with many people throughout the day.
Your parents are the absolute jerks for saying your SIL was a gold digger in this situation. No wonder why your brother doesn’t want to spend time with the family. If you want to be close again, you should distance yourself from your parents rather than from your SIL, brother, and niece.
NTJ for inviting your brother and niece to the circus but kind of the jerk for enabling your parents.” Wren1101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your parents are. Kelly had a newborn in the middle of a difficult time.
Of course, she quit her job. No one knew what was going to happen. Robert acted like a supportive and loving husband and your parents took issue with it. Anything that happened was additionally none of their business.
You have no reason to not get along with Kelly. What you need to do is apologize to her for anything you said or did that led her to believe that you agree with your parents and try to repair that relationship.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a mess between Robert and your parents. Your Parents: They may have had legitimate concerns about Kelly. But the apologies weren’t sincere if they were still mad at Robert. If they’re so prideful that they are okay with never seeing Robert or Cindy again, then they should know that they may regret losing a son and grandchild when it’s too late.
Robert: why in the world would he repeat those words about gold-digging to Kelly? He should’ve set your parents straight if he were truly defending his wife. Instead, he put the blame and responsibility to respond on Kelly so is it any surprise she dislikes your family?
You’re just a person stuck in the middle.” OddEpisode
4. AITJ For Wanting To Rehome A Neglected Dog I Agreed To Temporarily Care For?
“All of the information I have about this woman was provided by her so I have been taking her word for it. I met a woman who had just moved to the area and was in a bad spot, she needed someone to watch her dog because she was trying to find an apartment for her family and was staying in a motel, which didn’t allow dogs.
So the dog was staying in the car, and I was able to take her before it started getting hot here. I agreed to keep her for two weeks, hopefully less as her owner asked. I met the dog in the parking lot and she was very scared and skittish, tail between her legs and cowering.
She contacted me about two weeks later asking me to take the dog, crying because the people that currently had her were going to take her to the pound.
I agreed and picked her up with some food, a leash, and a toy provided by the owner.
A few days into her being with me, she blossomed. Not scared anymore, and I transitioned her to a MUCH better quality food (Purina puppy chow is what she was sent with, we determined she was allergic to it as she had stopped itching since we switched), and she had another dog to play with.
The lady has only responded to my texts once in the last two weeks, I’ve been trying to find out how the apartment search is going and if I can help, I told her I would help her find a motel that accepts dogs if she still hadn’t found anything at the end of the two weeks.
Nothing, absolute radio silence. I know she’s getting the texts because I saw her once since I picked up the dog and she answered my most recent text to my face.
I cannot keep the dog any longer, but I don’t feel like I should take her back to the lady.
She’s a year old, not spayed, has no flea meds, no heartworm meds, and needs her glands expressed and nails cut, not sure if she’s ever been to the vet. I am getting worse and worse vibes as time goes on and am worried that she will not be taken care of if I take her back.
I am worried I would be the jerk if I didn’t return her because of her reaction to the last people also telling her they were getting rid of her, and what if I’m wrong and just rehome someone’s dog that could take care of her and care about her?
So, would I be the jerk for finding a rescue for someone else’s dog if they don’t seem to care about her?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you didn’t tell her ahead of time your plans and allow her to figure something else out.
Times are freaking hard right now. You’ve had her a few days over. Make a boundary like “If you can’t figure something out by x time, I will start looking to re-home her, I tried to help you out, I’m not trying to be a jerk about it, but I can’t keep this pup forever” etc. Also, make her aware of the health issues, etc.” ohheyaine
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. Tell the owner the dog ran away. Throw a ball into the neighbor’s yard and have her chase it so it will technically be true if you like. If you threaten to rehome, there’s a good chance she’ll take her ‘property’ back, and the dog will be neglected and possibly mistreated more.
Rehome the dog, but keep the woman’s leash, bowl, toys, etc, and return it to her with an apology.” notpostingmyrealname
Another User Comments:
“I think there’s a distinction that needs to be made between what’s legal and what’s right.
To be clear, I am not an attorney and I’m just spitballing here. I think from a very technical and possibly legal standpoint you would need to at least send her a message letting her know what your intentions are and then, if that message goes unanswered, I think you would be justified in removing the dog.
I would consider it abandonment by the owner at that point. In terms of ethics and your responsibility to the animal, I think you’d be completely justified in rehoming the dog. It doesn’t sound like this dog has been cared for and this woman sounds flakey but it’s also possible the dog just wasn’t coping well with the transition when you first met it. Option A is the less messy of the two options.
Communicate through text and send her a text summarizing any relevant phone calls if she calls you instead of texting. ” Blitzenstein106648
3. AITJ For Threatening To Cut Off My Parents After They Stole From My Son's Savings Account?
“I 25 (f) have two kids the first let’s call him Goob 5(m) and the second let’s call him Bean >1(m).
Let’s start by saying when I say my parents I mean my dad and his wife my bio mom and dad split when I was young. For a little back story, I have been a single mom the whole time with both of my kiddos not by choice I have struggled hard their whole life to make ends meet and have continued to ask my parents for their support and help with them.
I also have had problems with my dad’s wife taking money from me before and using it for things that were not needed. (Example: when I was about 14 I had 140$ saved up to take driver’s ed that next school year from working all summer with my grandma and she took it to buy a new purse) When Goob was around a year old my dad had set up an account for him at the bank that we both used and at the time I was making roughly 300(USD) a month despite that over the years I had ended up putting around 2,000 in there.
Yesterday I went to the bank to fill out some unrelated paperwork for myself and out of curiosity I checked Goob’s account and there was only 98$ in the account.
When I had set up the account with my dad the goal for Goob was to be able to get what he needed to when he was 18 and no one could touch it until then.
My dad and his wife had gone behind my back and changed the account to where they could access it. I was not supposed to see it but I saw the money coming out of my son’s account and directly into my dad’s bank account.
I told them over the phone what I saw and how much money was gone and told them that if they did not get the money back into Goob’s account and get the account switched to mine and my son’s name only they would not be able to see either of my children.
I started that account for my son so that he could start better than I did when I was young I didn’t start with anything and I didn’t know how to do anything that an adult should be able to do and I wanted a better life for my son and my dad agreed. My dad also lied to me over the phone saying he had no idea what happened to the money.
I have put up with a crazy amount of bull s**t with these two and only want what is rightfully my son’s to be given back to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am sorry that you have to deal with this.
Even more sorry that your dad has participated in this, even if he was not paying attention to what his wife was doing. You certainly deserve better and so do your kiddos. You set the parameters for your children and who they are associating with and I would not want mine around the family thief, who dares to steal from them.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they took from your kid, lied to you, and committed fraud in the process. That’s not ok. But honestly, I find your threat to be pretty tame. Your father has made his choice, and it’s not you or your children.
I honestly would be threatening to report the fraud if they didn’t return it within a set time. Also, please get your credit checked. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a line of credit or something with your SSN attached to it.” raging_olive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of whether you get the money back you and your kids need to be NC with these two people. Your stepmom took from you when you were a kid and it doesn’t sound like your dad supported you then.
Now you find out that both of them have lied to you AND took money from your child. Then your SM had the nerve to say that you were acting like a B. Nope, these people have no boundaries and no decency and they aren’t the type of people that will benefit your children in the long run. ” saintandvillian
2. AITJ For Skipping My Sister's Award Ceremony After A Fight With My Mom?
“I (25M) am currently in New York for my sister’s (22F) graduation ceremony. I got in with my mom and we stayed in the same (pretty subpar) hotel. Today, my sister is getting an award for her performing arts school at a ceremony today ahead of the actual graduation.
My mom (50F) and I met in the lobby this morning, and she was already in a sour mood because the hotel gave her the wrong room and couldn’t get it changed until later today.
We went outside to call an Uber when I noticed on mom’s phone that she put the pickup location in a spot that would require a ten-minute walk.
I tried to explain this to her, but Mom insisted it was the right pick-up location. It wasn’t. She tried it again from another location, and the same thing happened, with her getting mad every time I tried to explain why.
Eventually, she gave me the phone and said “You figure it out if you know it so well!” I finally set the app to come to our location, but in the case of really bad luck, the driver canceled after 10 minutes of waiting.
Mom chastised me for doing it wrong and she decided the problem was where we were standing.
We then spent the next 30 minutes walking around New York looking for a spot she thought we be good. We stopped outside a Mariott, and I tried to remind Mom to set the right location on the app.
Tried is the term to use, since she told me to shut up before I even finished. At that point, I had enough and just sat back and let Mom do what she wanted to do. Big surprise, she set the location wrong again.
She asked me why that happened and I said “I could have told you if you didn’t tell me to shut up”. That set her off and she told me to find my way to the awards show.
I told her I wouldn’t be going now because of how she’s been speaking to me today.
After texting my sister that I wouldn’t be making it because of a fight with Mom, Mom responded first with demands that I show up.
She called me selfish for not going and excused her behavior by saying she’d been thinking about my dad, who passed away two years ago. She brings up my dad every time she realizes she lost an argument, and honestly, I’m tired of it and find it to be wholly manipulative.
This isn’t my first argument with my mom, and I even wrote about another story on this very sub. Her constant belittling of me is getting exhausting, but at the same time, I feel I should have toughened up and gone to the awards ceremony today.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sadly in this situation YTJ. Because you should have been there for your sister. She was the one awarded and I’m pretty sure she was hoping to see you. I do understand the difficulty with your mother but if she is unbearable you should call your driver.
You choose to depend on her, you choose to let her get worked up. You should go LC with Mom, but please don’t let your sister suffer for Mom’s actions. You choose to let your sis down, because of your mother.
Therefore YTJ. Apologize to your sister. She was the victim of your fight with your mother.” ChapterPresent4773
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you missed your sister’s award ceremony because of a fight with your mom? Seriously why? You could have just gone there on your own and seated yourself far away from your mother and celebrated with your sister.
Instead, you bailed on your sister because you couldn’t manage to ignore your mother? You didn’t even need to “toughen up”, you could have just been there but not next to Mom.” Waste-Phase-2857
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately while I understand the frustration.
YTJ. Today was about your sister and you let your feelings about your mother ruin her day. I’m sure Mom wasn’t in a great mood at the event either. Your mom was taking her frustrations out on you, which is unfair.
I hope you can both put it behind you for her actual graduation ceremony. And maybe just ask the subpar hotel to order a cab” Fianna9
1. AITJ For Being Upset With My Dad's Inconsiderate Behavior At A Closing Restaurant?
“My dad and I (22M) were driving back from a camping trip to the city after a long day of hiking, and our arrival time was expected to be about 9:45 pm.
I was driving back, which was about a 3-hour drive, and we agreed on going out to get pizza in the city and that he would find a restaurant that was open and looked good. There were plenty of options available for restaurants, but he picked this particular place that looked good, but had a closing time of 10 pm (I didn’t know this at the time as I was driving).
We arrive after a long drive into the city, quite tired after a long but fun 3-day camping trip. We get to the restaurant, and just one guy is working there, who appears to be in high school with a broom in hand ready to close for the night.
I ask him if he is still open, and he hesitantly says yes, but asks us if it’s to go, I say yes as I don’t want to be that annoying customer staying until closing time. My dad cuts me off and says no, we will dine in, and the poor guy says I can give you paper plates I guess, I am feeling very uncomfortable as we are in a city with DOZENS of restaurants within a 5-minute drive from us.
Then we get to order. We are ordering at the counter, and my dad wants to share a pizza with me, we agree to each pick half of the pizza that we both like, and we will grab a slice from each.
My father, who I think knows me quite well, orders the only pizza type I hate, which is pineapple for his side, and I said, “Really?” And he said “Just try it it’s really good as if I’ve never had it before lol.
I just was like whatever and ordered one we both liked for the other side. After the guy took our order, my dad felt bad for me I guess, and said “You know what, let’s do the chicken” which was nice because that’s something I like, but he kept complaining about switching for the next 10 minutes, I wouldn’t have said anything else about the pineapple, nor did I ask him to switch.
Then, my dad wants to order a drink. He starts asking the poor guy what his beer recommendations are, and which ones are local. This kid is probably 16 years old, has school tomorrow, wants to go home, and my dad is asking him about beer recommendations 15 minutes before they close.
We sit down, and I express all this frustration to him, he gets furious at me and refuses to talk to me for the rest of the trip. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father sounds annoying. First for being so demanding and inconsiderate of the restaurant worker, and so unreasonable given the plethora of other options available, and secondly for being petulant and punitive towards you.
I’m assuming that when you say you ‘expressed all this frustration’ you did so in a mature, respectful manner, you didn’t call him names, yell, make a scene, attack his character, or any of the other things that might make his anger at you more reasonable.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here On one hand they are open until 10. The owner wants people to spend money until 10. What the employee prefers is kind of irrelevant, and it’s not like they are not being compensated. I assure you they all understand that the rule is they stop allowing new customers in at close, but they don’t leave until the last customer does and they finish their closing duties.
That being said, as someone who worked his way up in and eventually ran a nice restaurant before going back to school, I can say with certainty that every employee there, be it one person or the whole closing crew, wants to be able to leave as soon after closing as possible.
So I see both POVs here, and I don’t think either is more right than another.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand the “furious” part, and suspect there is some context we’re missing here. Maybe you guys were just in a bad mood.
But as for the specific conflict, he’s right and you’re wrong. If that restaurant is open its employees are being paid and its proprietor wants to be able to serve you food and get paid. Who cares if your server wants to go home?
He’s at work, his job is to serve you pizza and make beer recommendations (however bad they’d be coming from a teenager).” wittyidiot
