People Question Their Actions In These Riveting "Am I The Jerk?" Scenarios
24. AITJ For Not Backing Up My Wife After Our Son Almost Got Hit By A Car?
“My family & I (me, wife, & 2 kids under the age of 10) live in a condo & the entrance to our block is in the parking lot.
My son is rambunctious & is at the age where trying to hold on to him is a game of ‘catch me if you can’. On that fateful day, my SIL was visiting, so we went out for a meal & were on our way back to our unit. My son was running around the parking lot (WHERE CARS DRIVE) & I kept asking my wife to hold on to our son since I was carrying our daughter.
But my wife was with her sister further front & told me that it was my turn to watch him.
I got anxious as I heard a car behind us, & as I reached out to grab my son’s hand, he darted off & ran right in front of the car. My wife & SIL screamed, but the car stopped in time & my son just stood in front of the car crying while we were frozen in shock.
The driver of the car wound the window to ask if we & our son were alright. When I said yes, she asked if we could move our son because he was blocking the road.
My wife flipped as I picked up my son & handed him to my SIL. She started screaming at the driver saying that she needed to apologise, but the driver just shook her head in disbelief.
My wife didn’t let up, & threatened to call the police while blocking the car. The driver told her to do it, & to call the condo management at the same time so she can show them the dash cam footage. It was a mess & I grabbed my wife’s arm, forcefully dragged her away so the driver could drive away.
My wife then asked me how could I ‘let that woman get away’ & I called her an idiot because it wasn’t the driver’s fault & we should be grateful the driver stopped in time. My wife then got mad at me & told everyone who would listen that I was a terrible father & husband for not backing her up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like she’s lashing out because she might be embarrassed about what happened. You don’t say how old your kid is but there is nothing wrong with a backpack leash. I NEED one for my 2-year-old or else he would be doing the same thing that your kid did.” ayriana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no such thing as turns when both parents are present, even if one is visiting with another adult. Honestly, your wife knew better because she knows your son is still learning traffic manners and isn’t doing great at them. She should have told her sister they would talk inside and taken responsibility for one of the two kids.
This is not hard, it’s just parenting.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The driver wasn’t in the wrong for driving on the road. She’s probably just upset because of the shock of realizing her kid could have been killed because she wanted you to handle both children. Also… Two parents, two kids. It doesn’t matter “whose turn” it is when you’re in a dangerous situation.
If your hands are free, then you’re the one helping.” adriesty
23. AITJ For Reminding My Aunt That Her Son Is Actually Her Neighbor's Child?
“My aunt (mom’s sister) was married to my (now deceased) uncle who unlike our family was well off and worked in a successful company. Everyone already knew that my aunt married him for financial security since she was younger but they were one of the happiest couples in the family surprisingly. She struggled with infertility all her life and she and her husband couldn’t have kids of their own which was devastating (I’m in the same boat right now).
The thing is their marriage survived not just that but also when my uncle impregnated their neighbor. My aunt decided to stick around still, they worked things out and my aunt ended up taking and raising the baby who’s my cousin and whose name’s Adam; he’s 24 years old now and calls aunt ‘mom’.
Like I mentioned my husband and I have been dealing with infertility for 4 years now.
We want kids so badly and we’d already tried most options except for adoption which will be our final decision. We met my family at dinner to announce that my husband and I are adopting soon. Everyone seemed excited for us except for my aunt who got quiet then started talking about how irrational we must be for considering adoption while we’re still young and have the chance to have our own kids and said that we should never encourage basically using women’s unfortunate circumstances to buy their babies off them and think we’ll love their babies more than them just because we have financial security which had me and my husband looking shocked. She basically shamed us for trying to take a baby away from their mother and called us cruel for taking this route.
I was livid!!! At this point I just looked at her and said “Well, at least my husband didn’t go and impregnate the neighbor seeing he’s so desperate for a baby” and reminded her that her son Adam (who was sitting at the table with us) was actually her poor neighbor’s son that she bullied into giving away.
But who am I to judge, right? She was stunned, speechless. Adam suddenly got up from his seat looking angry and stormed off. His fiancee followed him out.
My aunt then started yelling at me asking what in the world I was thinking to say this in front of Adam. I argued that it was the truth and besides she was being a hypocrite by shaming us for something she already did.
She kept calling me a heartless insensitive jerk for dragging Adam into this and hurting his feelings in front of everyone like that. Mom, dad and my husband got involved and I was told to leave and not return til I prepared a sincere apology for not only my aunt but Adam as well but my husband said don’t you dare do it but seeing more of my family especially mom agreeing that what I said was disrespectful and out of line I’m thinking I might have gone too far with what I said here.
It’s either I apologize or I’m officially excluded from the Christmas celebration this year.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. While your aunt totally deserved a reality check, you did so at Adams’s expense. You brought an innocent person into this, which also puts you into jerk territory.” Rich_Restaurant_3709
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Except for Adam.
WOW poor guy, you need to apologize to him right away – you know that, right? Sounds like he was an innocent victim of your (awful) response to your aunt’s truly dreadful comments. After that, the way I see it, you and your aunt both owe each other an apology for being insensitive, rude, and cruel.
She started it of course, but then you descended straight to her level. Pro tip: next time someone starts being horrible to you like that, simply get up and walk out. Don’t respond – just leave them with their own terrible words echoing in their heads. Then you’ll get all the sympathy, everyone will make them apologize to you.” Dangerous_Loquat_326
Another User Comments:
“ESH… however I would have done the same thing. And I’d die on that hill. Excluded from Christmas? Fine with me. You’ll never see your grandchild. I’d apologize to my aunt when my aunt apologized to me for being cruel. She doesn’t get to judge you like that in front of everyone and then just sit there and not have her own dealings doing the same addressed. Yes it was bad Adam was there and his parentage discussed like he should have shame for simply existing.
I might apologize to Adam for insinuating he has anything to be ashamed of. But also explain you won’t be shamed for doing the same thing. I personally tend to go for the jugular when someone hurts me on a very sensitive topic, so I may not be the best judge here. But don’t apologize to your aunt until she apologizes to you first. If your parents want to die on this hill, let them.
Never accept disrespect from anyone. It sets a precedent that’s hard to undo. Good luck with the adoption! Ps: I’m adopted and I’ve had a most amazing life!!!” Alienne8r
22. AITJ For Threatening To Report My Ex To The Police For Keeping My Game?
“Over Black Friday, I bought 2 games (Mario Kart 8 and FF7 Remake), but due to an Amazon mix-up, it was mistakenly sent to my ex. A few days ago, she let me know a package for me arrived! I apologized for the mixup and asked her to forward it to me when she got the chance.
She was a-ok about it and promised to send it by the end of the week. I got the package, but the one game was missing.
Me: “Hey! I didn’t see FF7 here, is that coming separate?”
Her: “Nope! You get to buy that over! ”
Me: “Haha, ok, but really, is it in a separate package?”
Her: “Nope! It’s my tax for helping you!”
Me: “Ok ok, all jokes aside, you are sending it, right?”
Utter silence
Me: “Hello? You ARE sending it, right?”
I get a phone call, and she asks if I’m mad. I said I will be if she’s serious. She gets defensive and sleazy about trying to keep the game.
I’m trying my hardest to reason with a 30-year-old woman about what stealing is, and I reach my limit. Her father is a great man and still keeps a good relationship with me, and he unfortunately needs to act as her moral compass sometimes, so I say:
“Do I REALLY need to get your father involved for you to do the right thing?
Like I’m dealing with a 14-year-old?”
Her: “You wouldn’t DARE get my father involved in this!”
I hung up within a second and called her father. Poor guy was pleasant as a peach, happy to hear from me, asking how the winter is treating us in PA, and I had to cut through pleasantries to let him know his daughter just committed a federal crime, opened up mail addressed to me, and stole part of its contents.
The man is a former cop. His tone grows low and defeated, and he tells me he’ll talk to her. I apologize for dragging him into this and promised to catch up later.
While waiting for her to call me back, I filled out the police report but didn’t submit it. She calls, and in typical fashion, starts playing the victim:
Her: “Gawd, if you’re going to make SUCH a big deal over your stupid precious video game, I GUESS I’ll send it to you…”
Me: “Nuh-uh, you are NOT going to make me the bad guy for being upset over you opening my mail and stealing from me. Not happening.”
Her: “Fine, I’ll send it to you, only if you APOLOGIZE for inconveniencing me!”
I go full “My-Father” mode and yelled:
“Get messed up. You either send it to me, or I press Send on this police Report.”
She panicked and relented.
So…! Was dragging her father in and going nuclear the wrong thing? Could I have handled this better? I’m sure, though I’m holding back a lot of emotions here.
Did I get threatening too quick?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly sometimes the only thing you can do to “check” an adult is to get their parents involved. I think you handled this about as best you could given the situation. You did her a favor by not actually reporting the crimes.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She literally admitted to stealing your post in the messages. Also, delete her address from Amazon ASAP. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with her….” scouseredsan
Another User Comments:
“I mean it might be a little over the top, but you met her ridiculousness with a higher level of ridiculousness, so t*t for tat I suppose.
I’m gonna go with ESH. Getting the dad involved brings in another person who is being bogged down by your and her drama. Make sure your addresses and such are updated and none of your accounts are linked to her in any way to avoid this in the future. Also, love ffxii lol Enjoy!” adefsleep
21. AITJ For Supporting My Brother's Decision To Replace His Bed With A Mattress For His VR Space?
“I’ve (17F) got a twin brother (17M). My brother, our mom (40F), stepdad (44M), and I recently moved to a new house.
Our new house is much smaller than our previous one, so we had to improvise to save space and fit as many things from our previous house as possible.
That brings us to the problem: my brother doesn’t want his bed from the previous house. The bed was bought around 2 years ago by mom and stepdad, and the bed is really big.
Like, two people could sleep on it without a problem.
The thing is, my brother saved some money from his part-time job, so he could buy himself a VR headset. And since his room is small and he wants space for the VR, he decided he doesn’t want his old bed. He bought himself (with his own money) a small mattress which he now uses for sleeping.
And if he wants more space, he can just fold the mattress and put it by the wall.
Our mom and stepdad are mad that he doesn’t want to use that huge bed that they bought for him. Yesterday, they told him that they’re going to put the bed into his room, no matter if he likes it or not.
He had a “hysteric meltdown” (that’s what our parents told me, I wasn’t there when it happened).
Our stepdad changed his mind, and today said he’ll put the bed in a different room, but that his attitude towards us is going to change. He said that we’re spoiled, and he’s not going to allow us everything anymore.
And that my brother’s meltdown “opened his eyes”. He also said something about my brother being “as hysteric as a girl”. Our mom was there when he said all of that and she was silent.
After he told me all of this, I just went to my room without a word.
I agree with my brother that he shouldn’t have his old bed if he doesn’t want it.
But I wonder, are we wrong? Should we just be grateful for the bed? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your stepdad is being a jerk for no reason and your mom is letting him. This is a fairly simple situation where your brother is behaving responsibly and maturely and with his own money. The good thing is that in a year you guys can move out.
NTJ.” RumSoakedChap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother simply chose practicality over luxury which is a good thing. If I were your parents I’d be pretty chuffed that I raised my kids to value the use of something rather than the luxury. If the bed is only 2 years old it can be sold second hand and your parents could use that money for something nice for themselves.” Katerina1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, new furniture for a new house is super common, especially downsizing, I really don’t understand what their issue is, he’s basically just gifted them a massive bed, which they can either sell for money, or use for themselves. Your stepdad is a massive jerk for the comment about his meltdown being like a girl.
If your brother seems to be having emotional issues in their opinion then the correct response is to ask him if everything is ok and if he needs help. It’s not to just keep blaming everything on him. From the looks of it, neither your parents nor your brother could stand the thought of not getting their own way, the only difference was that your brother had an actual valid reason and that your parents had all the power and refused to budge, so him getting overwhelmed and crying/yelling is SUPER understandable.
You guys are kids, no offense but you’re not full-grown adults, you don’t have the control over your emotions that a full-grown adult has (no really trust me when you reach 30 this stuff gets better) having the occasional breakdown in a situation where it looks and feels like there’s no way out is NORMAL, not some sort of moral failing that means you should be punished. (I’m 18 not a 30-year-old, I just go to uni with 30-year-olds and hear them tell me stories about how much stuff like this gets better, and then went and did my own research on the subject.)” Glittering_Swamp2572
20. AITJ For Siding With My Mom Over My Wife About A Glitter Bomb Prank Cleanup?
“My mom and my wife hate each other. For years I backed up my partner. I have no regrets. She is the love of my life and my mom is a difficult person. They have now reached a place where they can be civil, thanks to clearly laid out boundaries.
(my mom struggles with nuance) One of my mom’s big issues was she didn’t want to be around my wife often and was lashing out, so we made it clear that she isn’t obligated to invite me every time she invites my sisters, but if she does invite us she better be civil. As a result, I see my mom 4-6 times a year, but she is on good behavior.
Occasionally I get jealous, knowing my sisters are over there like every week, but I’ve never regretted taking this stand.
Years ago my wife really wanted to host Christmas, but no one was willing to let her. My mom said she would not be spending Christmas at her house, and my MIL pitched a tantrum and cried for three days.
As a compromise, she hosts her own pre-Christmas, about a month before Christmas. It is pretty much two Christmases, but no one complains. The only thing is we don’t do gifts because that would be a lot of gifts for the kids.
Anyway, my wife had her pre-Christmas Saturday. My sister and BIL gave my mom a Christmas gift, though we never exchange gifts, and just said they wanted to.
It was a glitter bomb and a huge one at that. There was literally lime green glitter everywhere, and then my sister got paged into work (she is a doctor) and my BIL left because they came in the same car. My wife was annoyed, which I fully get. I did tell my mom to stop shaking out her hair and clothes in the house.
She went outside and got as much off as she could.
When my mom came in, my wife told her she needed to clean up. My mom said she shouldn’t have to clean it, because she didn’t bring the glitter bomb and she is the victim (note she is not actually a victim, she plays cruel pranks on people as well).
My wife said it was her daughter, their prank, she needs to clean it. My mom flat-out refused. My wife got mad and said she shouldn’t have to clean it. My mom told her to go to the ER and find my sister then. My wife looked to me to back her up, and I said I agree that my mom shouldn’t have to clean.
It isn’t her house and her daughter is a grown woman, so not her responsibility. My wife got mad at me for taking my mom’s side, and my mom did seem a tiny bit smug. My MIL began insulting my mom, so my mom left soon after.
I was the one who cleaned it, which I get is annoying and my sister or BIL should have.
My wife was annoyed that I didn’t do a good enough job, but glitter is hard to work with. I vacuumed and said I would try using packing tape when everyone left. When everyone was gone, my wife told me I humiliated her and she was so hurt that I would side with my mom, who I agree can be awful.
I validated that she can be, but said she hasn’t been in years and in the moment I don’t think she did anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is a huge jerk. Making a mess at someone else’s home is not a prank. Also a bunch of adults should not be fighting over who cleans.
You should not ask guests to clean but loving family members would volunteer. ESH 2nd thought. I would be suspicious of who was the actual target of this prank. I would guess your mother is in on it.” cinnamngrl
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Y’all are children. You don’t need your wife to go and see your mother whenever you want.
Your wife doesn’t need permission to have Christmas at her house because your MIL and her act like children. What your sister did was a jerk move and how convenient that she got paged right after the “gift”. The only ones who don’t suck are the kids who are in the middle of all that nonsense.” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Why didn’t you call your BIL and demand he come back and clean it? Or at least that he pay for the cleaning service so no one needed to waste their time on his mess? Your wife may be taking out her frustration on the wrong people, but you 100% need to back her in not having any of your family over anymore, because they clearly can’t behave themselves.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Choosing To Raise My Unexpected Baby In My Hometown Instead Of Moving Back With My Ex-Husband?
“I (28f) got divorced from my ex-husband Jon (38m) of 6 yrs in June this year.
In 2019, I was diagnosed with PCOS and after multiple treatments and many complications, was told that I probably wouldn’t be able to have a child naturally. We’d been trying for a baby for 3 yrs and as expected, this devastated us. Our marriage suffered cause while I eventually made my peace with the situation, Jon couldn’t seem to get past it.
I suggested fostering and adoption, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore.
After months of hostility, zero intimacy, and withdrawn affection, I asked for couples’ therapy. He responded that he’d rather have a divorce. He said he’d been checked out for a while and there was no point dragging things out. I was heartbroken, and it didn’t help that I was stuck living with him.
I eventually accepted the end of our marriage, and as we went through the divorce process, I prepared for the move back to my hometown across the country.
Shortly before I moved out, we slept together (I know, I know). It was an impulsive mistake fueled by drinks and loneliness, and he made sure I knew it meant nothing.
Anyway, I eventually moved back and it’s been wonderful. I’d forgotten how much I love being near my family and friends. I was slowly adjusting to single life when I found out that I was pregnant.
YEP. Ikr – what are the chances!?
I told Jon about the pregnancy, and he was over the moon, but; for some reason, he assumed that I would be moving back to live with him.
When I told him that I have no intention of moving back, but rather raising our child in my hometown, he lost his cool and accused me of trying to keep our child from him out of spite. I told him that he could move if he wanted to be closer to his child, but he insisted that he wouldn’t be able to find work out here, and that it made more sense for me to move back because I’ve only been at my new job a few weeks, and it wouldn’t be as much of a sacrifice as leaving the job he’s had for 11 yrs.
He offered to pay for the move, a new apartment, etc. but I turned it down and explained that if I stay, I’ll be able to keep working because my family is here to support me, and that my mum and sisters have already been such a big help with finding a place to stay, preparing for baby, seasoned mom advice, moral and emotional support, and so I feel more confident having them around.
If I moved back, I would essentially have to be a SAHM which I really don’t want.
He told his family about the baby without warning me and now I’m being bombarded with criticism from every direction and being threatened with legal action for alienating them from the baby.
I don’t see why I should be the one to compromise after having to up and move my whole life the way I did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ!!! Oh my word, the unmitigated gall of this guy is insane. Tell him to find a different surrogate and to leave you alone. He tossed you aside when you didn’t get pregnant and now wants you to sacrifice everything to be his new nanny to your own child.
Of course his family is behaving like this, they are the ones who helped create that monster. I’m just so glad you were back home with your loving and supportive family just in time. Congratulations on your baby and happy holidays with true family.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If his family is getting aggressive with you, block them.
He ended the relationship. Sounds like he honestly doesn’t even WANT a relationship, just a baby. Red Flag for that. You moved, you started a new life. He can move or not. He made the choice to not be in a relationship with you. He can be the one to move.” EMSgirl1234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he doesn’t love you. He made that clear. You are nothing but a baby-making vessel to him and when he thought you weren’t able to get pregnant, he discarded you. You need to be able to support yourself and your child on your own and not move back to being reliant on him.
He abandoned you once, he can do it again. Let his family threaten legal action all they want. The courts won’t make you move.” Queen_Aurelia
18. AITJ For Not Correcting A Job Applicant Who Badmouthed Me, Not Knowing I Was The Boss?
“I am a woman, but have a name that can easily be confused for a man’s. I also run a business.
About a week ago, I bumped into a lady running down the hallway who seemed incredibly nervous, causing me to spill my drink all over my shirt. She explained she was here for a job interview, and was incredibly frazzled because she had heard the boss was a huge jerk and horrible to work for.
I instantly knew she was talking about me, but the iced coffee soaking my clothes was my main focus, so I told her to follow me into my office and we would get to the interview when I cleaned myself up. She must have taken me saying ‘get to the interview’ as I would show her to the boss’s office, not that I would sit down and start the interview in a moment.
The entire time I was in the bathroom silently trying to dry myself off, she was talking about how she didn’t even know if she wanted to take this job because of how horrible the boss was.
I tried not to engage, because I really didn’t want to stand there and listen to her talk about what an evil person I was, but I didn’t know how to break it to her that I’m Devyn, not Devon.
When I finally got at least somewhat cleaned off, pulled a sweater over my stained shirt, and walked out, she was still going.
I told her we would start with the interview, and she looked confused, but quickly realized her mistake.
I apologized then told her I didn’t think she would be a good fit for the position.
I didn’t care about what she said about me, I had thick skin and had heard far worse than that, she just seemed too nervous and frantic for a job you need to be calm and collected.
She started yelling at me, telling me this was my fault and I should have stopped her.
My assistant has been giving me grief about it all week, and I’m starting to think he’s right. I see where he is coming from, I could have easily corrected her about my gender and status, but at the same time, I needed to monitor who I worked with, and someone this willing to gossip about a person they didn’t even know well enough to know the gender of didn’t seem like a good fit.
Am I the jerk for not stopping her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But speaking as someone who’s been a hiring manager for 25 years, I would look at this incident from another perspective. This has nothing to do with your name, your gender, or a spilled beverage. Any candidate who arrives for an interview already bad-mouthing management should not be working for that company.
You could have canceled the interview in the hallway, which is what I would have done, but despite her behavior, you extended her the courtesy of a private conversation in your office. You did nothing wrong here.” Matilda_Bloomers
Another User Comments:
“She started yelling at you? Yeah you are NTJ. She doesn’t really deserve a job if she’s the kind of person to come into a new workplace, create a clumsy accident, and instead of apologizing for it immediately start talking nonsense about a boss she doesn’t know and hasn’t met to someone she doesn’t know anything about.
People like that are absolutely the worst and if she started yelling at you then imagine the drama she would have caused in the workplace.
“My assistant has been giving me grief about it all week.” Don’t think your assistant should be giving you grief on this? Don’t really value assistants who don’t have your back.
If he can’t see the logic behind your decision and choices why is he assisting you?” asianinindia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for booting her out of the interview. What kind of person walks into an office they don’t know, and immediately starts bad-mouthing management? Even if you wouldn’t be the person conducting the interview, why was she unloading on you?
You could’ve easily told the actual interviewer and lost her the opportunity. Her “yelling” at you is the icing on the hugely unprofessional cake. We need more information though – why do you have a bad rep? Who’s talking nonsense about you?” Jjustingraham
17. AITJ For Refusing To Fire Our Nanny Over Unconfirmed Affair Rumors?
“My wife and I have recently come into conflict about this.
We hired our nanny “Rachel” about 2 months ago to watch over our 8-month-old son since my wife and I work. She’s been nothing but professional with us and does her job taking care of our boy. The issue happened a month ago. My wife has a friend who lives a few houses down who’s a major gossip.
She started telling my wife Rachel had an affair with one of the husbands she was working for right before we hired her. The couple in question is currently separated but they haven’t said why, thing with my wife’s friend is sometimes she has a habit of spreading rumors that are false. Sometimes the truth but you can’t tell with her.
My wife is telling me she’s worried about her working with us and frankly I felt insulted. I asked her if she thought I was capable of doing something awful like that to her and our family. She told me she knows I wouldn’t but she can’t help but feel insecure now since I get home 2 hours earlier than she does every day and Rachel might try something.
We talked about this a few times this week. For one thing, I only have eyes for my wife, I’ve never once in the 10 years we’ve been together shown that I can’t be faithful, and lastly, we don’t even have confirmation Rachel did that. Despite the talk my wife still wants us to fire Rachel.
I don’t believe in firing someone who’s doing their job based on something that may or may not have happened before she was even hired.
Of course if Rachel started acting unprofessional or crossing lines then sure she’d be out the door. My wife thinks I’m being a bit of a jerk that I’m not looking at it from her side and being a bit more understanding of how it’s making her feel.
And yeah I can see the way it looks, but she’s also only taking her gossiping friend’s word, on top of that thinks I’m capable of doing this awful thing. I’m honestly confused and whether my stance makes me the jerk here or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your wife is the jerk.
Ask her how she’d like it if some gossip cost her a job. Even if the girl did have the affair it has nothing to do with her job as a nanny and if I were you I’d be a LOT more upset at my wife!” ChaosNHamHam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – To fire someone over an insecurity that isn’t valid is unbelievably unfair.
I agree with you and would expect that if Rachel crossed the line, you should be expected to inform your wife and fire Rachel. If your wife doesn’t trust that you would tell her the nanny crossed the line, why did she choose a female nanny?” lunasey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but there should be some follow-up to either confirm or discredit the rumor.
I’m sure the wife of the other couple would be happy to give Rachel an endorsement or condemnation if asked. Frankly, a background check on previous work should have been done prior to hiring her anyway.” Repulsive-Baker-4268
16. AITJ For Firing An Employee Who Was Constantly Late And Lied To HR About It?
“A guy I manage is ALWAYS late. 5-25 minutes, every time. Generally speaking, it’s not a big deal and it has no effect on the operation, so I let it slide.
These guys work on call, so even the most diligent guys are occasionally 5-10 minutes late. Most just call me, and give me a heads-up beforehand.
However after noticing a pattern I spoke to this individual and said “if you are going to be late, I need you to call me. Just let me know, that way I can plan around it.”
Next time he is on duty, he shows up 25 minutes late. No call. I find him, and let him know that he is getting a “formal reprimand” and the next time he is late it will be a 10-day suspension. That’s the standard procedure.
He tells me he is sorry, and it won’t happen again.
But then two days later my HR director calls me and says a complaint was filed against me for harassment. The guy was claiming it was the 1st time he was ever late, and that it was less than 6 minutes. Also that I allow everyone else to be late. I explain the scenario to HR but they are skeptical, and make me withdraw my “formal reprimand”.
I’m angry and I start digging through records and security footage for the past 30 days. I find emails where I documented conversations, and 5 instances of him showing up 30+ minutes late. I gather this all and send it to HR. They agree to reinstate the “formal reprimand”. But I insist that we go after him for dishonesty and insubordination, both firable offenses.
So, unless I withdraw those claims against him in the next 7 days he will remain fired.
I am secure in my decision, but I’ve heard some other guys whispering about me being a tyrant.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave him a warning. Instead of saying, “Okay, I get it, you are the boss, and I will change my behavior,” he went to HR and lied. Put you in a bad light and said you were harassing him.
He thought he could get away with that, and bet the farm on the fact that you had no documentation or evidence. That right there is intolerable behavior, and the reward for that is a learning experience that he gets to go find another job and he doesn’t get to use you as a reference since you got him fired for cause, and he doesn’t get to collect unemployment.
Another thing this is to teach him that HR represents the company, not the supervisor or employee. They will act on the evidence and if there is a liability they will act in the company’s best interest.” ForwardPlenty
Another User Comments:
“He knowingly lied about you, put your career in jeopardy, after all the chances you gave him.
He could’ve swallowed the formal reprimand and done better as an employee, but he decided to be spiteful… and lie. So he gots to go. As an aside, why was HR so wishy-washy about the whole thing? Making you rescind the reprimand before doing an investigation into his claim or anything? Hmm NTJ.” Unlucky-Profession41
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Living Off Her Rich Husband After She Mocked My Hard Work?
“My (25f) sister (25f) and I were very close when we were young, but things changed when our father passed away and our mother had to raise us alone.
She (according to me) has always favored my sister over me.
It wasn’t blatant favoritism, she still cared for me and loved me but my sister was allowed to go to school dances, dye her hair, wear expensive makeup, buy expensive dresses, things which I wasn’t allowed to do. My sister changed, and during middle school she became the popular girl while I was the nerd.
She often ridiculed me during school and I complained to my mother about this. She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation.
All of this built up resentment for my sister inside me. Every day when I went to school, I had to face her bullying. However, I convinced myself that what she was doing right now didn’t matter, that I would end up happier in life because I worked way harder than she did and would end up successful.
I got into my dream college after school and my mother was really happy for me but at the same time my sister had failed in some of her subjects and had to repeat the year, so my mom didn’t want to go out for dinner to celebrate, since it would upset my sister.
Fast forward a couple of years and my sister is getting married to a very rich man.
I was very happy for her and attended her wedding. I had a job and was doing pretty good for myself financially but was under a lot of stress due to high working hours. While I was talking to my sister, she said to me and her friends, how sad it must be for me to have worked so hard for all those years and still be so unhappy with my life while she was enjoying hers.
She told me that I should have worked smart like her instead of working hard.
I got very angry at her and told her that failing school and then deciding to drop out of college was not “working smart” and that not everyone was as lucky as her to be born with a pretty face and get married to a rich guy they met on a social media platform, even though she herself was a loser.
After that I left.
Later I got a call from my mom telling me that my sister started crying after what I said to her and that I ruined my sister’s special day due to my jealousy. She told me to not show my face to her before I was ready to apologize.
What my mom said was definitely true.
My mom’s subtle favoritism towards her, her popularity in school, the fact that she has a husband and I am lonely, and the fact that I have had to work hard all my life and still work 12 hours a day to earn money while she gets served everything on a silver platter while sitting at home has made me very jealous of her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister rubbing her “success” in your face while demeaning your hard work is horrible. And she will likely be replaced once her hubby finds the next pretty face especially if she has the personality and entitlement you describe.” Intelligent-Help8946
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As she has shown you, she is a selfish, mean, and self-centered woman.
No, she hasn’t had to work hard for anything and got by on her looks. Looks fade, you know. A younger woman could come along and replace her with her rich husband that she got with those looks. As for you, adversity builds character, empathy, hardiness, self-sufficiency, and a whole lot of other things. Be proud of what you have accomplished and let go of the resentment.
This is hurting no one but you.” pittsburgpam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She disrespected you and your hard work, insulted you, then flaunted her “success” (marrying rich isn’t anything to be proud of as an “accomplishment”, she’s just leeching off her spouse). You fired back. For your mother to take you to task but not her is horrible.
I’m sure it was all crocodile tears on the part of your sister. Cut these toxic people from your life. If your mother plays favorites, she isn’t worthy of your love.” Alarmed-Hamster-4047
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother's Fiancée Use The Bathroom While I Was In It?
“I (19, I use they/them pronouns) live with my mom, sister, brother, and his fiancée. Keep in mind, our house has 4 bathrooms. Some info, I not only have the only downstairs bedroom, but my room is on the opposite side of the house from the kitchen.
And by my room is one of the full bathrooms. And when you walk out of the kitchen, you have to walk a few steps down the hallway but, that bathroom is MUCH closer to the kitchen than the one by my room.
Anyway, lately, I’ve been getting a ton of flare-ups, not sure what it is but I’ve come to learn that oatmeal baths help a lot.
Today happened to be one of those awful days I had a really bad flare-up. I got an oatmeal bath ready, announced to my sister and brother’s fiancée (who were both cooking in the kitchen) that I would be using that bathroom, and got in. About a few minutes in, my brother’s fiancée started knocking on the door saying she has to pee and couldn’t hold it.
I told her I’m not exposing myself and she can go to the bathroom by the kitchen or upstairs. This went on for a short time, she kept knocking and said “I don’t see the big deal we have the same body parts.”
Maybe 30 seconds later she stopped then she started banging on the door, crying saying she peed on herself and it’s my fault.
Flash forward to me out of the bath and she’s still crying to my brother and told me I humiliated her. Here’s where I’m being called the jerk: My brother and mom are demanding I take her out to lunch as an apology and I told them I’m not apologizing because she all of a sudden has a weak bladder.
(there have been several times she’s had to hold it and never had an accident any of those times) AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if there are other bathrooms available, (you mentioned 2??), she could 100% get herself there. Unless she is incontinent or has some other medical issue, which DOESN’T seem so, she is 100% at fault for not running to the other bathrooms.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 4 toilets and presumably only one was in use for more than a few minutes. Run to another bathroom. Also does your family accept your pronouns? Because talk of we share the same parts sounds like they don’t really.” Senior-Term-635
13. AITJ For Laughing At My Mom When She Expected Free Service At My Partner's Brother's Cafe?
“My partner’s brother owns a small cafe and bakery.
It’s a relatively new place, but I recommend it to everyone who wants a place to go. Everything there is good quality and it’s very cute. It’s worth mentioning that my partner and her brother are very close and my mum knows this.
This past weekend, my mum was in town and decided to visit the cafe with a few of her friends.
In the middle of the afternoon, while my partner is at work, I get a very distressed, angry phone call from my mum, demanding to speak to my partner. I’m very confused and I could tell that she was crying, so I tried to calm her down a little before I tried to piece together what happened.
Once she’s ready, she starts ranting about how terrible the cafe was. She claims that the staff treated her terribly and how my partner’s brother embarrassed her in front of her friends. I ask her to elaborate, and she explains that she didn’t bring any funds to pay because she thought it would be free because she is “a friend of the owner.” Because she didn’t have any funds, she was forced to ask one of her friends to pay the bill.
To be fair, I found this all a little funny and absurd so I laughed. Looking back on it, I probably shouldn’t have done this as this really, really aggravated her. She got mad, and proceeded to call my partner a terrible person “who was never going to be a part of the family.” I got mad, telling my mum that it’s not my fault that she’s broke.
After that, she hung up.
I thought it was fine, but then I found out that my mum left a pretty bad review on the cafe’s website, harassed the cafe, and left my partner a string of badly written text messages. I feel bad because I don’t want my partner – or her brother to suffer because of my actions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should really have a talk with your mother about how trashy her behavior was, considering NO ONE had ever said she would get a free ride there. Also I would more likely apologize to your partner and her brother about your mother’s behavior, and work on getting her to apologize and take the review down.” arachnobravia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apologize to your partner and her brother, let them know that your mother’s actions/words are not your own. Tell your mother that not once was she told that she would get free food, that she isn’t entitled to it. A small family business can not afford to give out free food.” Evil_Mel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Who would show up to a cafe and expect that they’re entitled to free food because they have a connection to the owner without even speaking to someone beforehand? Wouldn’t, if anything, you want to support the new small business of a family friend? While you maybe should have not laughed, your mother is undoubtedly the jerk.
That said, you should do your best to communicate with her and try to undo the damage she’s trying to cause to your relationship and to the business.” bugthrowaway44
12. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Manipulative Ex-MIL?
“So to set the scene…I was with my ex for 10 years, helped raise his two children and we had a son together. For 10 years, I had a great relationship with my mother-in-law. When our son was two years old, my husband left me for another woman.
From that day my MIL completely cut contact with me. I was devastated. Although I had primary custody of my son, his dad and I always were amicable. My son only had regular contact with his grandmother whilst at his dad’s. I tried to reach out many times to my MIL, but no response. For 7 years, she never contacted my son on his birthday unless he was at his dad’s.
For 10 years (whilst with my ex), I heard her preach about the importance of maintaining a relationship with my stepkids’ mum for the sake of the kids, even though she was a substance-addicted awful woman, yet I was hard working and provided a stable loving home for my family. These days my ex and I have a great relationship, along with his partner (the other woman).
We co-parent amazingly which works wonderful for all of us, including our son.
I got a call from my ex MIL wanting to see my son for Christmas. I was surprised yet happy she was making an effort. I invited her to lunch and all went well. She made slight digs at my ex but I brushed it off.
Little did I know at the time, my ex had stopped speaking to her due to her behavior towards him and his partner.
I saw her with my son a few more times. She would speak badly of his dad and his partner and drop the ‘he should have stayed with you’ card. She then had the audacity to tell me he and his partner mistreat my son!
I didn’t believe this. He is the most amazing dad and she, the best stepmum. I realized my MIL was trying to draw me into the same narcissistic, manipulative behavior she had with my ex.
I have strong family values and grandparent relationships are so important. The next time we spoke she disrespected my ex and his partner for being lousy, abusive, selfish parents and I needed to get back together with her son to sort him out.
I called her out. I would not tolerate her disrespectful remarks and we have a great co-parenting relationship that will never change! Our son comes first!
Then she dropped the clincher… that I am just as bad. I am selfish for keeping her grandson away from her and not making an effort to get back together with her son, I mistreated my stepkids for the 10 years we were together (COMPLETE lie and of course never came up over the previous 17 years!) and that I was an awful parent who cared more about myself and my work than my family!
What the heck?
I told her to to get lost, lose my number, and NEVER contact me again as I will never allow my son to be exposed to such toxicity and manipulation.
I am proud for standing up for myself, but have a pang of guilt at the same time. Am I the jerk for possibly ruining a grandparent/grandson relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there was hardly a relationship in the first place. And I honestly think that if you let her be around your son she would probably try to manipulate him into thinking his father and stepmother are mistreating him or that you are mistreating him and try to get him away from you.
From the way you said yourself that she tried to make you think that your ex-husband and his wife were bad people and then blew up when you didn’t agree with her. I would definitely go LC or NC with her and not let her be alone or unsupervised around your son in case she gets even more crazy and tries to do something.” NerdQUEEN096
Another User Comments:
“What relationship? Do you really want your son to hear how his parents are jerks when grandma doesn’t get what she wants from them? I’m going with NTJ, but next time, think a little more before getting involved with your ex’s family. You didn’t find it weird that after 7 years, she just contacted you out of the blue to see you kid?
You didn’t think about asking your ex what was up with his mother contacting you to see your child? If you two have such a great co-parenting relationship, that’s the first thing you should have done.” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It takes a lot for a child to cut a parent out. Your ex has his reasons.
It’s best that you don’t go behind his back on things like this. You do realize that the things she’s saying to your son about your ex are the things she says to him about you when she’s in your ex’s good books right?” emccm
11. AITJ For Crying In Line At The Grocery Store After A Child Called Me Ugly?
“A few days ago I (22f) went grocery shopping after work. While waiting in line, a mother and daughter (5 years old at most) were chatting right behind me. I didn’t really pay attention to them until the girl told her mom to lean down and she ‘whispered’ the way kids try to “Mom, why is the lady in front of us so ugly?” The poor mother was mortified and immediately apologized to me over and over again and had her daughter apologize as well.
I accepted it and said no worries to ease her nerves because, well, it’s a kid and they blurt stuff out. It happens and her observation wasn’t even incorrect, unfortunately.
On the other hand, I’ve been having an awful week and couldn’t stop myself from crying after turning back around. I have awful self-confidence, and while I knew the child wasn’t being malicious it still hurt.
There were still 2 people in front of me and I waited in line trying not to be too noticeable. While I wasn’t wailing or anything you could probably hear me sniffling, and my eyes were definitely red and puffy by the time I checked out and basically ran outside. My roommates noticed I had been crying when I got home and asked me what had happened, but when I told them they said I was being a jerk.
They said I should’ve just left my groceries there and gone home and that I probably embarrassed the mother even more in front of everyone because I was being dramatic.
To be honest I thought about leaving the line and putting my cart off to the side. I could have done that, left and come back the next day to shop, but I had no food for myself at home and didn’t want to not eat for basically a day since I start work early and can’t afford to eat out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you are NTJ. The child has no filter. She also has a 5-year-old’s perspective on beauty. She did not know her comment would be hurtful. Ignore it. I know it is cliched, but inner beauty is what matters. Your roommates are jerks for how they reacted to you being upset by what happened.” Infamous-Wasabi-9007
Another User Comments:
“Oh NO honey, you are absolutely NTJ for having… feelings!! Your roommates sound like idiots. The only way you’d be a jerk in this situation is if you had shouted expletives at the child and mom (or something along those lines). You are not a jerk for crying when your feelings were hurt.
DO NOT let anyone gaslight you for feeling this way. Sending you love.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh, honey… I’m so sorry that happened. You’re not the jerk for how you feel, or for how you reacted. You didn’t yell at the child and her mom, you didn’t cause a huge scene, you didn’t lash out, you accepted the apology and tried to deal with your feelings quietly – it’s not like you were outright wailing in the grocery line to the point that everyone in the store was staring at you.
And just because it’s developmentally appropriate for a 5-year-old child to blurt things out like that doesn’t make it hurt any less. You were definitely not being a jerk. And you shouldn’t have had to leave all of your groceries and go without food until the next day just to spare the mom some potential embarrassment.
You didn’t do anything wrong – just ignore your roommates.” cillianellis
10. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Friend Who Revealed Our Embarrassing Meet-Cute At My Wedding?
“I got married two weeks ago to my husband.
He’s the love of my life, we’ve been together for five years. It was a small ceremony; it wasn’t entirely traditional, but it was mostly per his culture. The reception was small (30 people) but more Western.
Neither my husband nor I care much about the wedding. We wanted to spend our lives together and have plans, and that meant a legal agreement was necessary, and the cultural ceremony was a big deal to his traditional mother.
It was not a Western wedding so there were no best mans or maid of honours or anything. I invited some family and friends, as did he.
The way my husband and I met is a little embarrassing. It’s funny in the way a lot of embarrassing stories can be years later, but I’m uncomfortable talking about it with people I’m not close with, and the nature of our encounter means his family doesn’t know how we met exactly; they would frown upon it.
I’m not ashamed of it, but I am embarrassed about it.
One of my friends joked they’d talk about how we met in their speech. I said that I 1) didn’t want any wedding speeches except by the fathers, as per the ceremony’s cultural traditions, and 2) I hated talking about how we met in public.
My friend knows this; I have shut down their attempt to talk about it with people I’m not close with before. They also know his parents and family don’t know how we really met.
During the more Western-style reception, my friend had the music stopped, clinked their glass, and gave a speech talking about how we met.
My parents are laid back and didn’t care (my father already knew), and his father (who is also laid back) managed to calm down his very traditional, conservative mother (who was furious and my husband has been scolded by and has had to stop her from scolding me). Our siblings are our age and didn’t care, but extended and older family was not happy about it.
It was a scene; the room literally fell completely silent as my friend spoke.
I was very angry. I asked them to immediately leave, had them escorted when they didn’t, and the reception was cut short because of the mood change. I haven’t spoken to my friend since the day after, when I explained in tears how hurt I was.
I did not receive an apology and I haven’t spoken to them since. Other friends were on my side at first, but it’s been almost three weeks since the incident and even they are telling me to forgive at this point.
I don’t know if I ever will. They say I have a right to be hurt but that I’m overreacting and going too far with it, and that these kinds of embarrassing stories are told all the time at wedding receptions.
I think I communicated clearly what I didn’t want, and my discomfort about the topic was clear before we ever even decided to get married. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made your feelings abundantly clear. Your “friend” made a point to humiliate you in front of your in-laws knowing the damage it would do.
Your MIL now looks at you and your husband differently, you can’t undo that. Even if your in-laws’ views are outdated, that is irrelevant, you asked for the story not to be told in front of them. Your friend intentionally hurt the two of you and it will have long-term ramifications that you have to deal with.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?” MyRockySpine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d COMPLETELY cut ties with such a person. It’s your day, they knew not to do so, and despite not even having an official speech role in the wedding, did it anyway. I view it as a sabotage. Thankfully, many didn’t care enough that you’d be able to contain the impact; but that was NOT thanks to them.
What other things will this friend undermine you on? Can you ever trust them? Why have such a toxic person in your life? I’d not even give them the satisfaction of telling them they’re cut off. Just block them from socials, and ignore where you can’t block them. All common friends who take the stance that you should forgive them, need to be told all the above and if they don’t get it, go in LC.” TwoCentsPsychologist
9. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Complaint-Happy Neighbor?
“I’m 22F in NSW Australia, I bought my land in March. My neighbor is 56?F (B) and owns the house to my right which is on a corner, with how the blocks are my land reaches the road on both sides of her from the top to bottom. (diagonal block)
Now onto the issue.
For the first week after I bought my block, everything was ok. I introduced myself to B, gave her my number just in case B needed to contact me, and went on my way. It was the start of the second week when everything went south, I decided on a Saturday afternoon to mow my block.
So in my dad’s truck I hooked up a trailer, put my mower and whipper snipper on, and drove to my block, I started mowing around 1 p.m., and around 2:30 the police showed up because they received a ‘noise complaint’. I don’t know who actually made the complaint but they showed up as I was mowing, apologized for disturbing me, and left.
Two weeks later I received a letter from our council stating that I was illegally using someone’s (B’s) property as a driveway and I was to discontinue use and remove the concrete curb, I spent three weeks arguing with the council using paperwork they gave me when I brought my land as evidence that I own the 3 meters of land that is my driveway and that I was not responsible for removing the concrete curb as the council put in the curb years ago.
After I had my solicitor send a professional letter to them, they closed the case.
For the next three months, the police continued to receive noise complaints and now trespassing complaints every time I was on my land. Then three weeks ago I got told by a few people that B is notorious for making complaints about everyone and this was when I admittedly got aggressive from the stress of being a new landowner, having a lot of bills to pay as well as dealing with a mortgage and general stress I was not in a good mood when I next saw her.
Yesterday, I went to my block because there is an old basketball hoop on it and I was looking to see if there was an easy way to take it down without having to saw the pole down and took photos to show a friend who was going to help me put retaining walls in so I can eventually build a kit home.
I parked my car on my land, closed my gate, and halfway through taking the photos B came out with a cane screaming at me to get off HER property and to stop taking photos of her. (I was in the middle of my land taking photos towards the end of my property)
I exploded and shouted, “Shut your mouth you jerk I am on my property, also if you make one more complaint to the police or council about me I’ll file a harassment report against you.”
Yes I realize reading this back I was over the top however the amount of complaints she has made is ridiculous and the fact that she has a track record of this angered me to no end.
I told my family what happened and my mum and dad think I’m the jerk for reacting that way but my brother said she had it coming.
So AITJ for threatening my neighbor?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to make this bad neighbor aware that you know just where your property lines are. Get that solicitor of yours to send her a letter reminding her of where those lines are and telling her to stay off of your property.” Infamous-Wasabi-9007
Another User Comments:
“You should file a formal complaint against her (police and council) in the meantime just to have a paper trail that you tried to de-escalate the situation. I’m not familiar with Australian land surveying but is it possible to have a surveyor come out and mark your land with flags or tape or whatever they use to show property lines?
If that is the case leave the markings up until you can get your fence built and next time she walks over your property line bring out your phone and calmly tell her you’re asking her to leave your property that is clearly marked. If she won’t leave, inform her you’re calling the police and that you won’t stand for being harassed, then follow through.
Good luck!” lilliamos60
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t “threaten” the woman, you warned her. You made it clear that you were done with her nonsense and that, if she carries on, you will seek legal remedies. Your language may have been…a bit colorful but, under the circumstances, understandable.” rapt2right
8. AITJ For Agreeing To Remove A Disruptive Student From The After School Care Program?
“So for backstory, I am an after-school care provider at a small, somewhat underprivileged elementary school in the south. I have been having issues with one of my students, let’s call him Nash (7).
Nash persistently acts out, and recently he has been directing this behavior at me personally. For context, I am on the heavier side, and am also female, and as such struggle with body image issues. Every day after school when I give the kids their snack Nash would always have a nasty remark prepared. He would take his snack and say something like “Ms. OP you’re too FAT for snacks”, or another remark relating to my appearance.
It has seriously affected me both mentally and emotionally to the point where I dreaded going to work and I dreaded snack time even more.
Flash forward to a few days ago when I was approached by a superior who wanted to talk about Nash’s behavior after school. The gist of the conversation was that the school was making budget cuts, and would need to cut a portion of the kids using the school-subsidized aftercare program.
Nash was one of these kids, and my supervisor basically wanted to know how I felt about cutting him and if he was a disruption to the point of bothering the other children. I inquired as to why he was asking (it seemed odd to give him special attention, why not just cut him?) and he said that Nash’s father had recently been sentenced to a lengthy prison stay and his mother had begged not to be cut.
After thinking about it for a moment I said yes, and in retrospect, his behavior with other children generally wasn’t much of an issue, however, I decided that he was making me uncomfortable to the point of hindering my job performance and that it was putting the other children at risk.
When I told my mother though she insisted I had abandoned the child and was behaving callously towards a child in need. I tried to explain to her that it was affecting my job performance (she KNOWS how I feel about my weight) and that I would be doing the other children a disservice if I wasn’t at my best, but she just slammed the door in my face as if I was some sort of child abuser.
Personally, I don’t think the personal lives of these children are my concern, and it is their responsibility not to bring that attitude on school grounds.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to keep the kid in the program. YTJ for thinking a 7-year-old should not “bring that attitude on school grounds”. How many 7-year-olds will tell you “Geez, I’m really stressed about how my family has fallen apart”?
Take some child development classes.” Lucidity74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And for me, the last sentence confirmed it for me. You work in education. You need to understand that what is going on in kids’ lives is going to show up wherever they are. Have you ever considered saying something to Nash about why his comments are inappropriate?
I get it, I work in education too and kids/students can be MEAN. But ultimately they are who they are because of their environment and you need to respond in a way that will support them in the future.” lyndaylynday
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I had a kid take a picture of my butt and post it to social media for everyone to ridicule.
She served her detention, I did not remove her from the class. Funny enough, she came from poverty and had a dad in jail. Kids repeat abusive language they hear at home. Nash is seven and capable of empathy if you make an effort to discuss his behavior with him. You’re the adult. He is a child.
You behaved unprofessionally.” quidyn
7. AITJ For Making My Youngest Daughter Sit Through A Horror Movie As A Lesson?
“I have 3 kids, “Mark” (15M), “Shelby” (12F), and “Hannah” (9F). Hannah, being the youngest of the family, always wants to do what her siblings are doing. If Mark starts playing a new video game, Hannah wants to play too. If Shelby starts wearing her hair a certain way, Hannah will copy her. It’s cute until it isn’t.
Sometimes, Hannah gets in way over her head trying to copy her siblings. A few months ago, she hurt her ankle badly trying to copy a skateboard trick that Shelby had done. If her siblings get to do something that she can’t (ex: height limits on rides have always been an issue, social media, watching/reading certain things) it becomes a whole thing where she gets upset and pitches a fit.
I’ve tried to do something about that, my wife has tried talking to her about it, and even when it’s explained to her that she’s just not quite ready for things that her siblings are, she still throws tantrums.
The other day, Mark and Shelby were out in the living room watching Child’s Play. Our rules as far as watching things in common spaces are that anyone who can’t watch whatever is on has to stay in their room.
It goes for the older kids as well, if my wife and I are watching something they can’t watch, we’ll pause it and wait for the kids to go back to their rooms. I sat down with them for a minute when the movie had just started and Hannah came out into the living room.
I made my other kids pause the movie and told Hannah she had to grab whatever she came for (assuming she was going to the kitchen) and go back to her room. She refused and was nearing a tantrum. I gave in and told her fine, she could stay, but on the condition that she had to sit through the entire movie.
Hannah scares very easily. We took the kids to see Scary Stories when it first came out and my wife had to take Hannah out midway through because she’d freaked out and started crying. I thought this would be a decent learning experience to show Hannah that she can’t always have her way. She sat through the whole movie quietly, but I could tell it freaked her out.
She’d go back and forth covering her eyes and her ears.
My wife wasn’t home for that, and Hannah told her what happened later on because my wife was tucking her in and she asked for the light to be left on and the door open. My wife absolutely lost it on me, telling me that I traumatized Hannah and saying I’m irresponsible.
Hannah hasn’t touched her American doll that she normally sleeps with since, and she refused to come out and watch another (not horror) movie with us last night. Every time I say something, my wife finds a way to make it about how I was wrong for what I did to Hannah. I think it was a lesson she needed to learn.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: not for letting her sit through a scary movie but for not putting a stop to temper tantrums a long time ago. She’s 9. That is way too old to be throwing fits when she doesn’t get what she wants. What are you going to do when you have a teenager who thinks screaming and crying and throwing a fit is going to get her her way?” throwawayValidation1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Hannah is 9, and will hopefully outgrow her bad qualities. You are not nine, and have no excuse for what you did. The thing where movies are in common areas and people who can’t watch the movies can be ejected from common areas is a bad rule in the first place. Put a TV in your bedroom, let people watch Netflix on their own devices, whatever, change that, because the thing where one person with a scary movie can take over the living room is bonkers.
A more appropriate rule is movies in the living room have to be appropriate for the whole family, and people who want to watch things that aren’t can use their own private space. On from there, making your 9-year-old sit through a whole horror movie was a terrible parenting decision. The biggest job of a parent is to try and keep kids from being hurt by stuff they can’t actually handle.
You massively failed that job. I hope your wife sticks you with all the middle of the night waking and crying, and any bedwetting incidents that result.” eaca02124
6. AITJ For Kicking My Stepson Out After He Stole My Late Husband's Ring?
“My first husband passed away when my biological son (14M) “Chris” was 7. I kept a box of precious mementos including his class ring that I gave to Chris.
It means a lot to him and he always wears it on a necklace, only taking it off at night to sleep. I eventually remarried when Chris was 10 to his stepdad “Martin” and he gained a brother “Torin” (16M).
Martin has joint custody with his ex, but Torin spent more time with us after the marriage.
Now, Torin and I don’t have the best relationship. Try as I might, he’s never taken to me and has never really liked me and he’s told me to my face that I can’t replace his mom and sometimes he’s rude to me. Things aren’t that great between him and Chris either as they’re always arguing and Torin likes to pick on Chris.
There’s also been a few times Torin was supposed to make sure Chris got home from football practice, but instead “forgot” and left Chris stranded without telling anyone and he’s been forced to walk home a few times because of it (luckily we don’t live too far from the school, but it’s still almost an hour and a half walk).
A lot of the time Martin lets these things slide and tells me it’s just a normal brother’s thing or that Torin is still getting used to me and I usually leave it alone until recently.
In the last week, Chris lost his dad’s ring. We looked for it everywhere and couldn’t find it. Chris has been in literal tears since he lost it.
Today after school, Torin and his friend were hanging out outside and it was getting late so I went outside to tell him it was time for his friend to go home. Torin looked shocked when I came outside and I immediately noticed why, Torin’s friend was wearing my late husband’s ring (Torin had apparently stolen it and given it to his friend).
When I confronted them, his friend didn’t even know it wasn’t Torin’s, and Torin had told him it was his dad’s.
Upset, I couldn’t deal with this any longer and since his dad wasn’t home to deal with him (Martin’s away on a business trip) I told him to pack his things and I dropped him off at his mom’s house.
His dad called an hour ago saying I was being too hard on him and his mom thinks I’m overstepping and doing more than necessary, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think this is an overreaction at all. His almost adult son has told you that he doesn’t look at you as his stepmother or authority figure.
You took him to someone who he does see that way. Please tell me you got the ring back.” (deleted)
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he stole your son’s ring knowing it was important and gave it away to someone else. He is the jerk. You didn’t mistreat him but sent him to his mother’s place.
It’s not a harsh punishment at all to remove him so he doesn’t bully your son. You have a right to hold him accountable as his guardian of the moment. If you are not his guardian then you were also right to send him to his mom. You have more problems than his stealing and bullying if your husband doesn’t think anything wrong happened or that there shouldn’t be any serious consequences for disrespecting his stepbrother.
He doesn’t respect or care about your son.” StillBiscotti1178
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, but your husband is the jerk for not stepping up and letting it get to this point. Your son should be just as much his now and him having to walk an hour and a half because the stepson “forgot”?
Unacceptable. Should have had a very serious talk with him about responsibility then. Now he’s stealing from his brother, prized possessions no less, causing him great distress, and thinks it’s ok to give them away? A line’s been crossed and right now your son needs you to be his advocate because who knows what else he’s been putting up with from him, especially at school away from supervision.
Even if it means pushing back against your husband. Really feel for the kid. Both his mom and dad think you’re overreacting after he disrespected your late husband’s belongings?? Shows exactly where he’s getting it from. Wouldn’t move an inch on this until there’s an apology and some serious changes, otherwise you’ve got bigger problems looming.” ZILLYGUY00
5. AITJ For Advising My Stepson's Date To Focus On Her Career And Child Instead Of Seeing Him?
“For context, my (M36) stepson (M19) lives at home with my wife (F41) and me.
Last weekend, I found a woman (F20s) in my living room after I woke up in the morning. She had slept over in my stepson’s room, and my stepson was still asleep (he normally sleeps in late on the weekends).
When I first came downstairs, she was crying on the phone. I proceeded to introduce myself and ask if I could help with anything. She said that she was on the phone with her mother, who was taking care of her son while she was staying over with my stepson. I proceeded to ask if she knew my stepson through his job, and she said that they met online.
We talked a little bit further, and, due to reasons I will explain, I ultimately told her that she should not be prioritizing seeing other people (especially men like my stepson) and should instead focus on her career and spending more time with her son (she was a single mother).
Here’s the thing. My stepson has been living with my wife and me since he graduated high school over a year ago.
He is handsome, tall, and in shape (due to his full-time work as a swimming instructor and lifeguard). Since he graduated, he has brought numerous women over to our house (at least 20, but I have lost count now and am not always aware due to working sporadic hours).
At first, my wife and I were surprised about how he was meeting them.
He barely has enough time to see people, and uses most of his free time in his room playing video games. When we confronted him about it, he said that he just uses online platforms to set up meetings and either brings them to our house or drives to them.
Last year, he had two pregnancy scares (which he handled himself, but my wife and I were aware).
Furthermore, a few months ago, I noticed that he kept bringing back two different women to our house in alternation.
Although I’ve always been a monogamous, long-term relationship type of guy, I understand the whole gist of young men “sowing their wild oats.” My wife doesn’t seem to mind much as long as it’s safe and consensual. However, I feel like my stepson may not be being completely transparent with his dates, and I certainly don’t believe he is currently a good candidate for young, single mothers.
Am I in the wrong for interjecting and diverting this young, single mother away from her current situation with my stepson? I believe that her son will greatly benefit from her taking a break from seeing other people and spending more time with him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ single mothers are allowed to go out with people, y’know?
They’re even allowed to have one-night stands. You wanna warn her that your stepson is a player, go right ahead. It is absolutely not your place, your business, or anything else of yours to tell a young woman that she shouldn’t see people, much less to imply that she’s a bad mother for doing so.
You don’t know anything about this young woman, her career, or her parenting. You want to do something about the situation, share what you know about your stepson’s habits, and take him in hand if you want to interfere with someone’s life.” elsehwere
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you know, ultimately, so little about this random woman that your advice was presumptuous.
If you’re concerned with your son’s behavior while he lives with you, address it with him. Don’t make weird comments to his one-night stands, who may very well be aware of their situation.” shyfidelity
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you were right to warn her about your stepson if he really is the dog you portrayed him to be.
But you overstepped when you said to her that taking a break from seeing people would greatly benefit her son. You don’t know that. You don’t get to decide that. Or have an opinion on that.” GalileaGalilie
4. AITJ For Warning My Dad's Young Partner That He'll Probably Dump Her?
“I’m 16F and my 45yo dad has this habit of seeing college-age women and ending things with them after like 2 or 3 years then complaining about how needy and clingy they were.
It’s been going on my entire life and it really annoys me, like I feel like if he doesn’t want someone clingy, a woman in her early 20s willing to go out with a guy who could be her dad maybe isn’t the best option. It’s seriously like he’s allergic to any woman over 23.
I’ve made half-jokey comments before about how I think it’s creepy he only sees women 24 and under but apparently I need to mind my own business, even though I live with him full time so the women he brings over kinda are my business especially if he wants to complain to me about them when he ends things with them for being clingy.
Anyway so about a week ago he introduced his new partner to me, and she’s 21 but could easily pass for my age. Like she wouldn’t be out of place in my high school. I don’t know it really bothered me in particular that day so when my dad wasn’t around I told her that if she’s looking for a long-term thing, she won’t get it from my dad because he’ll definitely end things with her before she turns 24 like every single other woman he’s ever seen and then he’ll call her a pathetic clingy mess behind her back.
I didn’t think she believed me, because at the time she laughed it off and said it was different with her, but I guess she thought about it and she ended up ending things with him yesterday and must have told my dad what I said, cos now he’s angry at me for interfering in his relationship.
He also says he’s hurt that I think of him that way, even though literally all I did was tell the truth, and I think if he doesn’t wanna be thought of that way he should stop being like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, your dad’s relationship patterns sound predatory. I’m pretty liberal about age gaps generally, but if you only see substantially younger people and break things off once they’re a bit older, it suggests you like holding a certain amount of power over your partner.
And that’s a glaring red flag. You were right to warn her about that.” MGDarion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He only sees women between 18-23 and then ends things with them? His relationship patterns are creepy and predatory. That’s already enough justification for me. You told her that he goes out with inappropriately young women, ends things with them when they get too old, insults them, and then moves on to the next one, which is true.
She wasn’t different. She wasn’t special. And he wasn’t looking for an actual relationship. It doesn’t sound like she wanted to be a part of what he really had in mind. Also, if his relationships are none of your business then he would stop involving you. He wouldn’t expose you to his random strange women, he wouldn’t talk to you about his relationships.
If he doesn’t want to be viewed that way then maybe he should stop.” ObviouslyObsessed18
3. AITJ For Calling My Wife Crazy After She Screamed At Our Son For Spilling Milk?
“My (34M) wife “Jen” (32F) and I have a wonderful son named “Robby” (7M). One thing you need to know about Jen is that she is a perfectionist. She’s constantly cleaning, sterilizing, and organizing things around the house. This has been an issue in our relationship because I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her.
Her OCD tendencies have gone into overdrive ever since Robby was born.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that she’s diligent when it comes to keeping our home clean and healthy. However, I feel like it’s become unhealthy, specifically regarding Robby. Robby has cried on several occasions because he’s the only one in his friend group who can’t have company over.
He’s rarely allowed to visit friends, and when he does, he has to immediately shower from head to toe thoroughly. I’ve addressed these issues with Jen, but she refuses to see my and Robby’s point of view.
The incident: Yesterday, Robby, Jen, and I were all at home. Jen had just finished cleaning the carpet in the living room and then went to clean the bathroom.
Robby wanted a glass of milk, so he poured himself a glass and went into the living room to watch TV. At some point, Robby accidentally knocked over his glass, which spilled some milk onto the carpet. I was in my bedroom, the next thing I know, I hear Jen screaming at the top of her lungs.
I rush into the living room and see Jen screaming at Robby while he cries in the corner. He looked terrified, he just kept frantically apologizing and shaking. Jen screamed, “I JUST CLEANED THIS CARPET! WHY DIDN’T YOU DRINK THE MILK IN THE KITCHEN?!” I stepped in and told Jen to calm down, it’s just a little milk, no big deal. She continued to yell nonstop and started aggressively cleaning the milk while scolding Robby under her breath.
I told Robby to go into his room so Jen and I could talk alone. After he left, I told Jen that she shouldn’t have screamed at Robby like that. She defended herself by saying that he knew the rules and should’ve known better. I told her that he’s a little boy who made a mistake that anyone could’ve made.
After things continued to escalate, I realized that there was no getting through to her. I yelled, “Robby and I are sick and tired of your nonsense. Robby can’t even be a kid because he’s constantly terrified of you. I’m not gonna sit back and let you do this to me and Robby anymore. You’re crazy!!”
She was dead silent and just went back to mindlessly cleaning the carpet. I spoke with Robby and eventually calmed him down by taking him out for ice cream. After we got back from ice cream, I saw that Jen had locked herself in the spare bedroom. She refuses to acknowledge me and hasn’t spoken to me since yesterday.
For the first time in years, I saw her go a whole night and morning without cleaning. I’m starting to feel like I went too far, but I was just trying to defend my son. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen this goes way deeper than Jen just having a cleaning issue, it’s become obsessive and she needs professional help because she’s obviously only been getting worse.
She’s traumatizing your son for simple mistakes and ruining his childhood by isolating him from his peers. You need to make serious and immediate changes, starting with deciding if Robby living with her is actually good for him, or if you need to find a way to distance Jen until she gets her head on straight.
I know this platform has a chronically online “just divorce them” take on most marital disputes, but if this is how she continues to behave I’d honestly describe her behavior as abusive in which case both Robbie and you need to get out for the sake of your mental health and well-being. If she’s finally able to approach a conversation reasonably and get help and actually improve then by all means do what you feel is right.
Normally I wouldn’t advocate for yelling at your spouse, but from what you’ve said you’ve tried communicating with her multiple times for an ongoing issue and her behavior in this incident was absolutely abhorrent and if yelling is what it took to get it through her head that she was in the wrong or to at least de-escalate the situation long enough to attend to your son then so be it.” InkGeode
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I gotta admit I don’t like calling people “crazy” but in this case, I gotta say I wouldn’t react much differently. Well, actually, I would react slightly differently… I would say that she has to go to mandatory mental health counseling or we’re talking divorce time. And I wouldn’t be remotely joking.
Your wife is mistreating your son. Period. As his father it is your job to protect him, and that is your first duty above all others. If you don’t, you’re going to have a kid that grows up with all kinds of issues, or minimally a lot of resentment that he wasn’t allowed to have a normal childhood.
If you want your kid to walk away at 18 and never speak to you two again (her for being an abuser and you for being her enabler) well, keep on doing what you’re doing…” Issyswe
2. AITJ For Wanting A Paternity Test After My Wife's Joke?
“We’ve been together 3 years, been married 1 year, and have an infant. Relationship has been the best of my life and relatively smooth throughout – no red flags. Our child is healthy and happy. We’re in a pretty great familial situation currently. We are blessed to really have no real stresses or anxieties.
We were at the grocery store and my wife asked me not to purchase something because of potential BPA in the item (a chemical that can leach into food and impact fertility). I joked that I clearly didn’t have issues with fertility (since we had a kid as soon as we started trying), and I’ve been consuming that item regularly.
Then she joked, “well maybe our kid’s not yours.”
It took me a second to really process what she said, but once I did, I got very sad and upset. I initially told her, “don’t joke about that,” and “why would you say something like that?” And I stopped talking the rest of the time at the grocery store.
But once we got to the car, the idea had built up enough in my head that I told her I’m going to get a paternity test immediately (I’m shopping on Amazon for one as I write this). She pushed back and started going down a number of defensive vectors, from “why don’t you trust me?” to “is your reaction saying something about you I should be worried about?” To which, I replied, heatedly, “I understand the idea is ludicrous, but you suggested it, completely out of the blue, and now it’s out there.
And there’s no way to put this question away ever again except to actually get a test.” After a few rounds of this, she acquiesced and left me to go look for a test.
I trust my wife, she’s a fantastic person, a successful professional, a great mother, etc. But I had never even fathomed that our child wasn’t mine until she made what was, in all likelihood, the worst joke and retort in history.
Am I overreacting? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The escalation here is really fast to me. She makes a joke at the cash register and by the time you get to the car it’s a major issue. That doesn’t seem like you trust your wife especially since you started this joking interaction with the joke about your own fertility.
Her joking retort seems completely normal to me. Your response, to ask for a DNA test within maybe twenty minutes is not at all normal to me and may damage this supposedly fabulous relationship. Soft YTJ. Take some time to reflect on your reaction and communicate with your wife. You both need to have a conversation about this.” Born_Ad8420
Another User Comments:
“Are you the kind of couple that makes each other the butt of the joke? Because if so, dude you totally set yourself up for the joke. You basically started it by joking about your own fertility. You’re not really a jerk for stressing yourself out over this but I think if you take a step back and recognize the sequence of events: wife asking you to not purchase a product with possible negative effects on your fertility (implying she wants to have another child with you), to you joking that it’s obviously not a problem you need to worry about, to her joking about the paternity you’ll see it was a pretty logical line of riffing off of each other.
I understand this hasn’t been a specific joke for you before but if you have a general playfully-giving-each-other-crap relationship I think you’ll recognize it wasn’t that deep. Either that or you don’t actually trust your wife and you should probably try and work through that with her.” literaryworlds
1. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Overweight Brother Who Made My Life Terrible?
“When my little brother Teddy was born, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.
According to my mom, he wasn’t breathing for at least three minutes. Since then my parents often used that as an excuse for Teddy’s behavior. My childhood became a living nightmare with Teddy.
“Give Teddy your candy! He died coming into this world!”
“Let him play with your friends! He died coming into this world!”
“Let him open your presents! Teddy almost didn’t have a birthday!”
I had to put up with Teddy’s tantrums, abuse, fits, and bad behavior. If I touched a single hair on his head, I got punished while Teddy got away with whatever he did. It became so bad that when I was 15, I moved out of the house to live with family members away from Teddy.
My contact with my parents and Teddy is limited. Currently I’m 35 and Teddy is 26. When he was 18, he decided he wanted to be a competitive eater which turned into just eating. Teddy now weighs almost 600lbs.
Because of his weight, he can’t hold a job and lives with our parents who still cater to him and pay for everything.
Since Teddy requires round-the-clock care, my parents hardly leave the house. They weren’t present at my wedding, only see the grandkids if I bring them around and all family events like dinners have to be held at their house because it’s hard to move Teddy. A few days ago Teddy suffered a bad fall that put him in the hospital. My husband and I at least came to see him.
My parents complained that the hospital wasn’t feeding him enough, didn’t have a wheelchair big enough for him and naturally, they didn’t want to hear anything about his weight. It would be easier to turn water into gold. To make a long story short, my parents pulled my husband and me aside and asked for a large amount of money for Teddy’s care.
They said that they didn’t have money to keep caring for him and were having to dip into their retirement funds. They even suggested that once Teddy is cleared to go home, he move in with us because my husband and I are well off with a bigger house and so “We can get a break because we have to care for him all year round while you just visit.”
I said no. My husband told them absolutely not! We both work full-time. Our kids are enrolled in sports and dance. We made it clear that Teddy would not be moving in with us nor would we be moving our schedule around to deal with him or giving them the money even though we could afford it.
“He’s your brother! You almost didn’t have a brother!”
We left the hospital. My mom later called me, berating me for abandoning the family and Teddy and demanding money. I told her I would not care for Teddy under any circumstances. Even if something happened to her and my dad, I would not care for my brother and he’s her problem.
Not mine. My mom cursed me out over the phone and hung up. I do feel a little bad because Teddy is my brother but he made my life a nightmare and my parents refuse to take any responsibility for his behavior. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “he can’t hold a job and lives with our parents who still cater to him and pay for everything”
They enabled him to get to 600lbs, close to his death. He’s not much longer for this world. These are based on his decisions, which you are not responsible for. They need serious family therapy to see how their behavior is leading to the death of their son. They can’t just help him get close to death then pawn the problem off on someone else.” KittyKittyMuffinPile
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. Your parents have done your brother a great disservice and did not prepare him for the real world. There is no way you should take in your brother. I do feel bad for him, but this is not your burden. If your parents truly cannot care for your brother, he belongs in a care facility.
You should not be paying to care for him.” GreatWhiteNorthExtra
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