People Need Help In Navigating Their Tricky "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Food And Getting Upset When It Was Eaten Anyway?
“It’s the next day and everyone won’t talk to me until I apologize. I definitely do not think I’m the jerk here.
What happened? Four of us went to a Halloween party (me, partner, her best friend and her partner). On the way home I asked if anyone wanted to stop for food again (we did drive-thru on the way to the party) and they all said no. I’m pulling into McDonalds and get fries and 6 chicken nuggets.
Perfectly calculated amount of food for how hungry I felt.
My partner starts eating the fries, I expected that. Then her best friend started telling me to get her nuggets, I already ordered and paid.
I say I already asked if anyone wanted anything. I start driving away.
Then my partner takes my box of nuggets and opens them. Firmly, I tell everyone those are my nuggets, I’m NOT sharing them. In spite of that, the girls start passing them around, since I was driving I couldn’t really stop them.
I go on to state my annoyance with the situation, then girl in the back goes “just cause you keep talking about it, I’m eating another one” or something along those lines.
Essentially, she was annoyed that I was annoyed so used that as a reason to eat more.
They literally finished my nuggets and I didn’t get one.
So I pull into another McDonald’s on the way home. The girl’s partner tells me to grab a 10-pack (to replace my 6 and he’ll get 4 for his partner).
He’s going to pay?!?
The girls took food, and now the guy in the backseat is going to replace it? So I questioned that. I ended up taking my partner’s debit card (she did offer). I was holding both of their debit cards and chose to use my partner’s.
But what about the girl that literally ate most of my nuggets??
So then she goes on to tell me I deserved to lose my nuggets blah blah which segways into freedom of speech. She tells me to shut up and that the definition of freedom of speech is your right to speak up against the government, not say whatever you want whenever you want.
I don’t care, I’ll say what I want when I want. She really hates to be called out for her behavior. I compare her to Egyptian cats being treated like gods back in the day and how she always acts like the cat and everyone should worship and listen to her.
Next thing you know, that’s “hate speech” (she is Egyptian Canadian).
Firstly, is that hate speech?
It’s the next day, my partner won’t talk to me until I apologize and says I’m straining her and her friend’s relationship.
I want an apology for them taking my food, which created another argument this morning that she only did it because I wouldn’t stop at another drive-thru to get them food and that eating my nuggets was the only way to get me to stop.
That’s not a good reason in my eyes.”
Another User Comments:
“Sit your partner down and seriously and calmly tell her what they did was not ok and she knows it. They knew that was your food that you PAID FOR. You kindly asked if anyone wanted food and they said no. They proceeded to mock you while you drove them around.
That’s not ok. What her friend did was not ok. If your partner respects you she wouldn’t defend her friend’s actions and the fact she does hurts. Feigning wokeness in order to gaslight and team up against you in the car when you were rightly upset is wrong.
They are not respecting you, esp your partner. And that is not ok. You deserve respect. And no, that is NOT hate speech. You know that. THEY know that and the girl who claimed it esp knows it. It’s called gaslighting and in extremely poor taste I might add.” Minute_Box3852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would have just pulled over and turned off the car, They want to be that disrespectful then they can walk to wherever they want to be because I’m not taking disrespectful little children anywhere. Literally your partner and her friend are both immature children who think the world should revolve around them and are probably the type that think they can do whatever they want because every time they have no one called them out on it.
You said no that should have been the end to it but your partner thought that she can just override what you said and do whatever she wants. She is the real problem here and you have enabled it probably by not saying anything until now.
Like with the fries. You said right away that she took some and you knew she would meaning she’s done this before. But this time she took it too far but she thought she could get away with it because you have allowed it before.
The friend should have never taken anything even if the partner decided to override you and give her some. Again this is probably not the first time they’ve done something like this and that is why even with you telling her no she did it without hesitation because her friend (the partner) was saying yes.
You need to set boundaries with your partner and make it extremely clear that that was not okay in the slightest. That being in a relationship means that you respect your partner and just taking their stuff especially when they said no is not respecting them in the slightest. Also set boundaries with that friend, do not do things for them anymore and do not hang around them.
They sound like horrible people that do not respect you one bit.” afk_scorpio66
22. AITJ For Refusing To Ask My Ex For More Alimony To Support My Current Partner?
“Full disclosure: I haven’t consulted an attorney because I’m not going to do it.
Even though my partner wants me to.
My ex-husband is a good man, he makes a lot more money now than he did then. And he still made a lot then. I initiated the divorce because I just felt like we had grown into different people.
And I wanted to be my own person or see what that person would be if that makes sense. Because I was his other half, or an extension of him in every sense of the phrase. He had the dream, and I had the vision.
I spent my days making his life as easy as I possibly could. I honestly didn’t mind it, or resent him or anything like that. I loved him, I just wanted to live a life of my own. He understood. And I didn’t want to take too much from him.
Our split was amicable and a bit unique because it didn’t involve too many lawyers. Just an alimony ruling, and a personal agreement between the 2 of us. He paid my rent and paid to put me through school before we said our goodbyes.
I currently receive 5100 a month.
Which I think is much more than I deserve since I’m the one who wanted to leave him. But my partner (who isn’t my husband because he doesn’t want to lose the alimony payments but that’s another story) wants me to try and get more, now that my ex’s business is doing so much better.
And that we could be in a bit of financial trouble. Since he recently lost his job.
But I don’t feel right about doing it. Especially since I know he still cares about me, and would more than likely willingly offer his assistance. He’s a flawed, but good-hearted person, and he doesn’t deserve to be taken advantage of so that my partner can live a nicer life.
He was pretty upset after I told him that I wasn’t gonna be taking him to court or asking him for help (because he’d give it).”
Another User Comments:
“So, you’re receiving $61,200/year that you don’t even have to pay income tax on, and your partner doesn’t think that’s enough?
I mean, you’re getting more in alimony than the average US income, and you don’t have to pay (federal) income taxes. NTJ but your partner certainly is.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, good on you for standing your ground. Your ex sounds lovely, and perhaps even still cares about you.
Don’t abuse that. Partner sounds like a bit of a leech. I am confused about why you are with him instead of the man who is willing to provide for you.” LillytheFurkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is tho. Kick him to the curb.
He is treating your ex like a bank account. Won’t marry you because he doesn’t want to lose that income. And now wants you to sue for more? That partner isn’t interested in you. He is interested in your money.” Emotional_Fan_7011
21. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About Favoring My Stepsister And Stepmom Over Us?
“My mom (50F) and my dad (49M) had divorced when I was 11 and my brother 15. During that same year we didn’t see him as much as we had hoped to, well I mean he was getting a new apartment and all of that stuff so it’s mostly understandable.
But the year after that, I was 16 and my brother now 20 found out that my dad had married another woman behind our backs. He acted like it was no big deal at all and we were just overreacting when he took THEM instead of US to our usual TRADITION vacation.
(When he told us he was on a business trip.)
We were furious and heartbroken by that since we didn’t see him as much and we wanted to spend time with him again, but in his case I don’t think he wants to.
In spite of that, we missed him and continued to visit him and ‘our new family’.
Here is when it gets bad again:
About 2 weeks ago I cancelled the 1st weekend due to a school thing coming up. So naturally it moved up to the second one, which was his birthday Saturday and it would just match up perfectly.
Wednesday night he called letting us know that he would have to cancel with us coming for his birthday, he said he didn’t have a lot of money left and he had to spare some for gas.
So my brother offered for him to drive us there. He said it wasn’t necessary and we’ll just celebrate his birthday the weekend after the upcoming one. Nobody was skeptical yet which was a bit stupid.
But anyway, we enjoyed the weeks we had ‘where we were off of parent switching duty.’
The day of his birthday came and we sent him his presents via FedEx, just to get a nice surprise. He was thankful for the presents and it really looked like he loved it. So that made my day A LOT.
Later that day I was looking through social media and I saw that my stepsister (15F) was recording a boomerang with my dad, stepmom and her smiling with a restaurant in the background.
I was a bit mad and sad due to him lying to us about him just staying home this weekend.
My brother called my dad furious about how he always chose our stepsister and stepmother over us and didn’t bother taking us on vacation with them when he was ‘busy’.
I also brought up the fact that he spends hundreds and thousands on my stepsister but refuses to spend 10 on us.
I had to get it off my chest, and I know. I sound extremely spoiled.
He apologized multiple times, but it just feels forced and we honestly just want to spend time with our dad.
But yet it feels like he doesn’t want us anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your father is neglecting you. It’s not your job to fight for his attention it’s HIS job to make you feel loved and wanted. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Just know your father’s doing is not your fault. Him being careless is not your fault. I personally would suggest you and your brother talk it over about how you want your relationship with your father to look like and give him an ultimatum. He does not get to treat you like this.
Seems like you’re the only one putting effort into this relationship. And of course I’m sure he notices it but does nothing about it. Regardless of being related by b***d if they don’t treat you like family they don’t get that title. I really hope you and your brother consider getting therapy for all the hurt he has caused you.
And take the power back and decide on your OWN terms you deserve to be treated equally Don’t let anybody guilt trip you into thinking that you have to settle for anything less. Stay strong. I also wanted to say if you ever decide to go no contact with him do not feel guilty.
It’s his actions that led up to your completely valid reaction. INFO – what is your mom’s stance on this?” Specific-Ad1764
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, take it from someone who has been through the parent switching thing and is going through it now. My parents divorced when I was about 11, I didn’t really see my dad till I was 15 or so.
Even now as an adult, I’m not close to him. He lied too many times and too many empty promises. But I’m a father of my own now, and my son’s mom and I aren’t together. It’s difficult to say the least, and heartbreaking for me.
I hate the back and forth, but I love spending time with my son. I’m getting married in a few months and will also have an older stepson. Favoritism is usually a bad thing in a situation like this, but I doubt I could ever put anyone over my son.
NTJ, you don’t deserve to be treated like that and you deserve a father who actually wants to spend time with you. Either he will realize his mistake and make things right, or he won’t try at all anymore. Either way, you’re better off.” WolfBeard0104
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your father definitely is. You aren’t going to make him change. The only thing that you can do is stop seeing him, go no contact. You are old enough to just stay at your mom’s. He’s made his preferences known.
Both you and your brother should go to counseling to learn how to deal with all the feelings that come with this situation. You have learned a lot of hard lessons unfortunately including that he cannot be trusted. Live your best life.” Careless-Image-885
20. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Partner's Repeated Late Rent Payments?
“I (36F) have been with my partner (36M) for 4.5 years. He recently moved into the house I’ve been renting for the last 4 years in September. Last month, he was late on rent and didn’t pay it until the 17th, which caused some issues between us.
He didn’t communicate with me at all and once I found out that he was late and had called the property manager to inform her, we had a conversation about him talking to me if he wasn’t going to be able to pay by the date he gave her.
(I offered to cover the difference in this case and he could pay me back). The date he gave the property manager came and went and he didn’t pay or communicate with me about it. When he did finally pay the next day, he told me I was overreacting for being upset that he went back on his word and promised me he wouldn’t have this issue again.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt because this is the first time he has ever moved out and the circumstances last month were a fluke (he switched jobs and his old boss went MIA while owing him his final paycheck).
Fast forward to this month.
He let me know on the 29th that he would not be able to pay until the 3rd and I had no issues with that and offered to cover the utilities in full with him paying me back when he could. The 3rd came and he told me he had paid $400 of the rent and would be paying the remaining $1050 on the 4th and would also cover the late charge.
I said ok and thanked him for being honest with me. Yesterday was the 4th and he told me he was going to run errands and pay the rest of the rent after stopping by his parents’ house. Again, no biggie as he communicated with me.
Today is the 5th and I’ve received an alert from the property management company that the $1050 and late fee still have not been paid. I asked him about it to see if it was paid and if the system just didn’t update and that was when he told me he didn’t pay and would when he could.
I asked if he called the property manager and he said no. I asked him when he would be able to pay and he told me his finances are not my business and that he will pay when he pays. I got upset and started crying and told him he had broken my trust for the 2nd month in a row.
I have severe anxiety and have no family in the state so if we were to get evicted, I’d be in trouble while he could easily move back in with his family. He told me he would pay when he paid and went into our guest room which has his bed and most of his things in it and told me I was overreacting.
I texted him and said that his lack of communication on this shows me that he doesn’t view us as equals and that he thinks I’m inferior to him. He’s now ignoring me and I told him I’d like to talk like adults and that if he continues to ignore me, he can leave the guest room as he hasn’t even paid enough rent to cover that room.
I don’t feel like the jerk but I’m starting to second-guess myself as he is still ignoring me and I know I tend to overreact when I’m upset. So I’m coming here and asking, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I mean maybe his finances aren’t your business, but his failure to pay on time sure is.
That said if they aren’t your business like… what is the future of this 4 year relationship? Certainly doesn’t seem to be living together because he’s not able to act in a trustworthy way. Seems like a long time to be together and still have so little trust/honesty and wanting that degree of separation.
I mean it’s his relationship too and that’s his prerogative, but is this the relationship you want?” bawbness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, those sound like red flags to me. It just sounds like he’s using you for a new place to live. Does he have issues at his parents’?” Chaospiggyblade
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is showing you that he’s an inadequate roommate. Take back your apartment; he needs to move out so you can depend on just your responsible self.” montefull
19. AITJ For Telling My Partner I'm Not His Maid While On Maternity Leave?
“So I have been on maternity leave since the beginning of September and was due 2 weeks after I left work.
I have still been paying the same amount for my share of the bills as what my partner pays even though he is on much more than me.
So he is expecting me to do all of the housework which I don’t mind doing the majority of because I am on maternity leave and I am not working but all I asked him to do is wash a few pots and Hoover the house and I will do everything else, clean all the bedrooms, the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, and the bathroom.
Well, tonight he has just started having a go at me saying that I need to start doing more around the house so I have told him that I don’t see how it’s fair that I pay equal shares of the house and how I am still expected to do all the housework.
He told me it’s because I’m a stay-at-home mum which yes at the moment I am but I am on maternity leave getting money and still paying my share. So I told him I am not his maid and if he wants a maid he needs to hire one or I will go back to work and he can split maternity with me and he becomes a stay-at-home dad which we can do where I’m from.
Obviously, he was very against this.
He started shouting at me saying you live in this home too you should have to pay for shares of the home, you’re not working you should have to do more in the house.
But I also have a three-month-old to look after who has only just started to sleep longer in the night.
So when we’ve had this argument in the past and I have told him I am tired from being up every 2 to 3 hours he told me to sleep when the baby sleeps but then has a go at me for sleeping and not doing enough housework.
And I used to do the majority of the housework even before I went on maternity and before I became pregnant.
But what starts off the arguments is when he starts name-calling and I refuse to put up with being disrespected.
So AITJ for telling my partner that I am not his maid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are taking care of the baby AND RECOVERING FROM CHILDBIRTH! It’s unrealistic of him to expect you’ll do literally everything at home – he also lives here, also contributes to the mess, and you asked him to do really small and easy tasks.” No-Jellyfish-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband isn’t a tool, he’s a whole toolshed. Raising a baby is work, and hard work at that. You are paying your fair share of the bills, AND taking care of the baby, AND he thinks you should do all the housework?
It’s completely unacceptable – please get some friends and family or a counselor involved to set him straight.” HomelyHobbit
18. AITJ For Kicking My Son Out After His Friends Disrespected My Home Rules?
“I’m a woman in her 30s with a son 16 years. His father, my former fiancé, passed away when he was very young so I’ve been raising him alone for most of his years.
My son is extremely independent. He helps around the house without me asking which I love, and he listens to what I tell him, except for one thing.
He’s started hanging around with a group at his school, guys mostly but some girls too, who seem to be the cool group.
I was his age once and I understand that. But now he’s taken to partying (I hope he doesn’t drink or indulge in harmful substances but I can’t be certain), and sometimes stays out late, way late for a kid his age, sometimes past 10 pm partying on holidays.
I’ve told him repeatedly that I don’t like that and to be home early for dinner and bedtime to stay as healthy as possible, but I know for a large 16-year-old boy that he’ll never take his frumpy mother’s words seriously when it comes to his personal enjoyment of life.
To make a compromise with regard to bringing them over, I told him never to bring his friends to my house without asking first if he wants to hang with them at home and he understands.
He’s started bringing them home and luckily they haven’t been throwing parties as my son has requested, but these boys and girls seem very disrespectful.
Talking horribly about the girls in their school and using demeaning and sexist words for them, describing intimate acts they performed with them in disgusting language, and telling my son to partake which he doesn’t. At the same time, the girls that come over don’t bat an eyelid at how these boys talk about their own gender, even partaking in it.
I know all this because their conversations aren’t exactly quiet when they come over.
I’ve told my son that I can’t tolerate this anymore and he says he understands and he’ll tell them to stop next time. But every subsequent time they came over they didn’t stop, they just got worse.
Once, I went up to my son’s room to confront them to stop being horrible in gossiping about the people in their school and 8 of them (my teenager, 4 guys, 3 girls) just laughed at me and told me to chill out. My son didn’t laugh but looked red-faced at that honestly.
The other day, I told my son that I didn’t want his friends in my home anymore and he made one final promise that he’ll stop them. They didn’t stop, and he still brought them over. This time, they brought a substance, the smell was clearly emanating from the room.
I go up and yell at all 8 of them. They just stare at me all hazy. I look at my son and I’m really angry and yell at them to get out of my house and stay away. They must have been scared by that or my facial expression because they quickly took off.
My son apologized and started crying and I yelled at him again to go. He did and went to my parents, his grandparents where he still resides. They told me off for sending him away and said I may have damaged my relationship with him but I’m too upset with my son for not respecting my boundary on this.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your parents are idiots. What the heck? They should be chewing his rear out too. None of this is a little thing. Your parents should absolutely be backing you up. The fact that they aren’t is what’s damaging your relationship with your son.
They are making an excuse for inexcusable behavior, and confusing him about what is appropriate behavior. I probably wouldn’t have kicked my son out. That might have been a mistake, since your parents are idiots. Instead you should have called all those kids’ parents and told them exactly what kind of kids they raised, and let them know they aren’t welcome at your home anymore.
If anything, hopefully those kids won’t hang out with your son anymore, and he will be forced to find a more appropriate group to hang out with.” Fuzzyhat246
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard being a single parent to a teen. But your first and most important job is to BE HIS PARENT.
Set boundaries and YOU follow through. Stop thinking he is a good kid with bad friends – he is ONE OF THEM. Get him out of your parents’ home – he can’t have this escape route. Ground him. Take away his phone. Turn off the internet.
Be. The. Parent. YTJ for allowing this behavior to begin and letting it continue.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for kicking your kid out. He’s 16, meaning he has a not fully developed brain and is a giant mixed bag of hormones and emotions. He’s also a human.
That combination means he’s going to make mistakes and also explains why he probably didn’t feel comfortable standing up to a whole group of kids. It also explains why boundary testing has happened because it’s literally expected in healthy teenage brains. You can discipline him, sure, but screaming at him and kicking him out just hurts your relationship.
That’s not discipline, that’s just trying to make yourself feel better by lashing out and results in you teaching him that your care for him is conditional. Zero healthy upside. You can ban those kids from your house, you can say he’s not allowed to hang out with them anymore, you can have some discussions around the substance and why that’s not okay, you can set clear expectations and consequences if he breaks certain boundaries, you can even talk to him about how you feel.
But screaming and kicking him out just makes you a jerk.” karlamoonstonesofen
17. AITJ For Dealing With A Harassment Incident Instead Of The Incoming Manager?
“I need some big help with this.
Today was my (32F) last day as a manager at a department store and during my last week I was getting the new manager (20s, M, calling him Chris), someone who comes from a different store, acquainted with training while helping two other new hires, one M and one F, both late teens, in my department.
I’m calling them Gerry and Gina.
I learned from Gina that Gerry did not have reliable transportation yesterday and asked Gina for a ride home. During the ride he made several unwarranted passes toward her which made her feel uncomfortable. I immediately pulled Gerry aside to converse with him about this and he admitted everything, but said he wasn’t going to act on what he said.
I made him aware that what he did was unacceptable, even the fact that he didn’t have transport that day and asked him what happened. He was vague, saying he just didn’t have it that day and he had it today.
Something felt very off about what he said and I asked what car in the employee lot was his.
He singled out my car. I asked if he was sure that was his and he said “yes”, to which I enlightened him he singled out my vehicle. He was stunned silent for a while before confessing he lies about having a car and that he needed friends to take him to and from work.
I had to take this up with HR and they opened an investigation. Later that day, he was let go.
Here’s the problem: Chris is unhappy I dealt with this instead of him because he lost a rep for his first week and he would have, in his own words, “been his driver for a week until he got his own car”, which he said he has done many times.
The unwelcome advances were also unacceptable to him but since he was going to be Gina and Gerry’s rep next week he argued it was his job to deal with it since I was outgoing.
I told him it didn’t matter who got to it first as long as it was addressed quickly, and bringing Chris into the fold wasn’t my priority; Gina was.
I am still on payroll as a manager so my duties are still as such. Chris countered by reminding me that my role during the last week is to help the company make a smooth transition from me to him, meaning he was supposed to take charge.
I left feeling split between whether I overstepped and was a jerk or if Chris is wrong here. I need this cleared up so I can move on to my next position with a clear conscience: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has been the incoming manager who has had to “clean up” whatever messes the previous manager checked out on, I would have been grateful for a predecessor who actually worked until their last day.” kdani17
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like the new manager is only mad because he would have done things differently… which is kinda scary for Gina and the other women who work (or shop) there. Makes me wish he wasn’t about to be made manager if he lets things like that slide.
Could very possibly be a liability to your work too. NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So basically Chris would have just let it slide. I feel bad for the women who have to work in his department. Chris also doesn’t get to tell you what your role is.
He sounds like a complete tool who has issues with women in the workplace.” emccm
16. AITJ For Kicking A Student Out Of Online Class For Constantly Interrupting?
“I’m a teacher. The restrictions in my city have not been lifted, so classes are still online.
I have a student named Rosa (21f) who is very smart. She participates a lot in class and sometimes for a long period of time.
She can be quite annoying, but I like her. She is a nice girl and I always appreciate a student who is interested in my class. However, she is not well-liked by her classmates, presumably because she can be a bit of a know-it-all.
I also have a student named Carlos (21m).
He is the jokester of the class and very liked by everyone. I like both Rosa and Carlos, and I do not treat them any differently.
A few days ago in our class, Rosa was having one of her monologues. This one was interesting, and actually contributed a lot to the topic of the class, so I didn’t interrupt.
However, Carlos started to interrupt her as a “joke”. I didn’t find it funny, so I told him not to do it again and asked Rosa to continue.
Carlos kept interrupting her and I could see that Rosa was beginning to get upset and embarrassed. So I texted him via Zoom chat: “Interrupt Rosa one more time, and I’ll kick you out of class.” Well, Carlos ignored me, so I opened my microphone and said “Goodbye Carlos.
I hope this teaches you that we don’t interrupt people in this class, much less make fun of others,” and I kicked him out of class.
The whole group is mad at me. They cannot take this issue to administration, because the teacher has the power to kick a student out of class, so they decided to organize a protest for justice for Carlos, and now they refuse to enter to class until I apologize to Carlos for humiliating him in class.
I can see why maybe I am wrong; calling him publicly wasn’t the best approach, but I don’t think I was this much of a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hold class anyway (I bet a couple will still come on for the class), and then have a quiz on that material. Be firm on this.
And don’t let them get in your head. You know you were in the right. I can’t stand people that have no respect like that. And you gave him fair warning. You’re the teacher. They can either respect you and respect the classroom, or they can leave.
You do NOT have to tolerate anything you don’t want to (within reason of course. I’m mostly referring to blatant disrespect).” frannyfranfran5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We all know a Rosa, Rosa’s are annoying as all get out, but we all should’ve learned back in high school that it just means that person is interested in learning and that’s not a bad thing.
Carlos humiliated Rosa, he doesn’t get an apology for facing the consequences of that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t let the students bully you into apologizing for a totally justified boundary. Hold your ground, start marking them absent from class or whatever it is you are allowed to do to that effect and tell them you will still be expecting them to keep up on the material whether they show or not.
Maintain the boundary or they will know they can just gang up on you to get what they want.” PurpleProboscis
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate Stay 2 More Weeks After He Was Supposed To Move Out?
“I have been living with this dude for over 5 years. We’ve always had issues like any other people that live together but recently things just went downhill.
For background: he never tells me when something bothers him, he just acts moody and pretends for me to read his mind. Whenever he needs to tell me something he never does it face to face, he texts me and then hides. He never cleans the house even though he’s the one that spends more time using the communal areas.
He’s incredibly cheap, never wants to put money for stuff, and he only takes care of the stuff he bought. I had to buy all the furniture in the house cause he didn’t know if he would “stay for long” and it’s been 3 years.
We had a fallen out a couple of months ago and I told him that if we couldn’t agree on some ground rules it might be best for him to move out.
3 months ago he told me he was moving out on October 1st and I agreed. I made sure all the paperwork was ready for him to be able to go and signed a new contract with the owner starting the day he vacates.
Now he texted saying that he wants to stay 2 more weeks past the 1st. That he “did the math” of how much that would be to stay in my house those days with such audacity, like giving it for granted. I have asked for time off from work to clean the house and change the room he sleeps in now into a game room and I have some friends from out of state coming to stay with me and help do the heavy lifting.
We are one week away and not only I can’t change my plans but also I don’t want to. Like I said he has no furniture and the stuff he has he can store it at a friend’s house. He has friends in the city, his significant other, and has money to pay for a hotel if he needs to.
I’m gonna text him back saying that he can’t stay. I have made my plans and there’s no space for him, and also it’s not about money. I’m putting my needs first. I just can’t help feeling I’m being a jerk for putting me first. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can ask and you can say no. The point of him giving notice was so that there was clarity. His lack of planning is not your problem. Enjoy your games room.” Cat_got_ya_tongue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask the owner if he can kick him out after the date he is supposed to vacate expires.
Ask also about what the law says about this matter in your country. I would also make sure that he does not steal or damage any of your stuff for revenge against you.” Dronerman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my country, if you continue to live in a rented space for specifically 14 days after the end of the lease, without interference from the landlord… you earn the right to not be evicted. So beware and stand your ground.
Read up on the laws in your country/state.” DancinginHyrule
14. AITJ For Keeping My Neglected Neighbor's Cat After Saving It From A Car Accident?
“So my neighbor of 3 years has a cat. He’s always been an indoor cat up the entire time I’ve known her. About two months ago, for reasons I don’t know, she kicked the cat out of her house and now he is an outdoor-only cat.
Over the course of the month or so, I watched the cat’s condition decline steadily (matting, fleas, getting skinny, etc.). He also seemed really distressed being outside, always begging and meowing to try and get into people’s houses. I felt bad for him and would let him in whenever he came asking and tried my best to take care of him, until my neighbor came over and told me off for trying to ‘steal her cat’.
I didn’t want to cause trouble so I stopped letting him in, but I still fed him. It was painful watching him suffer.
Two weeks ago was the last straw for me. The cat was hit by a car while crossing the road when the neighbor was not home.
I saw it happen and rushed out to him to make sure he was alive (he was) and I took him to the emergency vet. He ended up having a leg amputated and all in all it cost me almost $3000.
I did not tell my neighbor what happened. I paid the price, and told the vet the cat was a stray.
They checked for a microchip (he didn’t have one) and helped me contact the shelter to file a ‘lost pet’ report. I took him home and have not let him outside at all since the accident.
Here is where I may be the jerk:
The stray holding period for my city is 5 days before an animal is considered abandoned and since the neighbor has not claimed the cat through the shelter or asked me about him at any point in the past two weeks, I decided to keep him.
Today my neighbor saw him lounging in my window and came over and said she had been looking for him all week. She demanded I give him back, and if not she would file a police report for me ‘stealing’ him. I told her she must have the wrong cat as mine had three legs and shut the door in her face.
She screamed through the door for a while and then left. Still waiting to see if she calls the cops.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they did call the cops, they would recognize you as the owner because you have the cat chipped and have medical papers to prove you caring for the cat.
And without having to lie, you can simply tell them you witnessed an apparent stray get hit by a car, appropriately waited the grace period of 5 days, and claimed ownership when no one asked about it. That’s legal. Ignore your neighbor. And good on you for giving the cat a good home.” Boring_Ghoul_451
Another User Comments:
“Dog rescuer here. You are absolutely NTJ. Years ago, my husband was working for a company based in a small town. There was a small dog who lived on the next street who was never allowed indoors. The poor thing was always whimpering and crawling under cars to get warm.
That Christmas was the coldest in decades & before we went to visit family, we drove over to check on the dog. She was lying half under a car, shivering. I knocked on the owner’s door & got no answer. The neighbor next door came out & told us they had gone down south for the holidays.
I was furious!! Little dog had no food or water – any water would have frozen anyway – and was on her own in subzero weather. We took her back to our house & gave her food & water & a bed in our heated garage (didn’t want to put her with our dogs until she saw the vet).
When we got back the next day we took her to the vet & left a note on the people’s door saying “We’ve got your dog. Our number is___-__-____. Call us & give us one good reason we should bring her back.” They never called. Little dog lived out her years with us.
Indoors, well fed, no whimpering. Very few things annoy me more than jerks who think dogs are lawn ornaments that require no care. OP, you are not only not a jerk – you are a hero. Never for a minute think otherwise.” TheHouseOnTheCorner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously you told a lot of lies here, which isn’t great, but you did so in the name of saving the life of an animal that was being horribly neglected and abused. I hope the little man is recovering well from his amputation and enjoying his new life in a loving home.” Jyqm
13. AITJ For Asking My Daughter To Be Civil To Her Mother For Her Siblings' Sake?
“So my soon-to-be-ex (43F) and I (45M) are divorcing due to unfaithfulness on her part. She and her affair partner had been together for about a year and a half and she had planned to leave soon.
I caught on to it, got prepared, and then confronted her. This was all 2 months ago. Well, I guess she didn’t expect me to be silent about it and to somewhat “prevent” me from using her unfaithfulness against her, she preemptively decided to disclose it to our oldest and our families to control the story I guess.
Well, it wasn’t a very good idea cause our daughter went berserk.
Since then, she has made multiple public posts about her, basically shunned her, and every time they meet, she screams, curses, and calls her mother all kinds of names. The fact that my ex is still with the AP doesn’t really help the situation.
We have 2 more children, 12M and 7F, and although they don’t understand why their older sister is angry or the situation, they have followed suit. This has really broken my ex because growing up my daughter was incredibly close to me and her mother always felt left out or unappreciated. Once she got into her teenage years, they became inseparable and this situation has made my ex have panic attacks and she has been crying every day from what I hear since I’m still close to her family.
What’s worse is only her sister and the AP are her current support system. Her parents, although didn’t disown her, have cut down contact and have been spending most of their time with the kids which has somewhat helped calm the situation down.
This brings us to yesterday, I sat my daughter down and told her that she is old enough now and is almost an adult so I can be upfront with her.
I understand why she’s upset with her mother and will not force her to interact with her mother at all. She’s old enough to choose where she wants to live and doesn’t have to live with her mother. However, if she does run into her mother, I expect her to be civil for the sake of her siblings.
They are in a very important stage in life and will need their mother as much as they need me. If my ex is emotionally fragile, she will not be capable of performing the role of mother properly. I grew up without a mother, I don’t want my kids to experience the same life.
Moreover, I need a co-parent (I mean my ex, not my daughter), I work as a researcher and although I make my own times and can be there most of the time, I can’t be there all the time.
My daughter didn’t like that and has been living at her grandparents’ (my parents) for the time being.
I talked to my friends and most of them side with my daughter saying that I shouldn’t be defending my ex as she has hurt my kids and me. Furthermore, her actions were most likely to defend/protect me and by admonishing her, I made her feel alone and frustrated. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ BUT you cannot tell your daughter she’s “old enough now” and then tell her how she should or shouldn’t behave with her mother. She’s obviously a lot more hurt than you at her betrayal. She is unable to process that because it’s due to her mother’s unfaithfulness that the girl’s entire family has broken up.
Her anger is justified – she is not responsible for her mother’s mental state. It is the mother’s unfaithfulness that has resulted in this chaos, as well as the mental duress your children are feeling (that you failed to mention even once in your post).
You’re overly concerned with the mother’s well-being and not at all concerned with your children’s well-being. Also, I have zero tolerance for two-timers, so yeah, no sympathy from my side.” sonal1988
Another User Comments:
“Low-end YTJ, she probably needs to talk to a counselor about how to handle her anger instead of being told, “Well, you have to be civil to your mother and I’ll kind of guilt you into it.” And really no sympathy for her mother, these are the consequences of her actions.” risqueandreward
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. This isn’t the type of situation that can be resolved by just saying “Put your feelings aside and be civil.” This is the type of situation in which your daughter needs therapy so that she can work through her feelings in a healthy way.
In her eyes, her mom just destroyed the entire family by having an affair and staying with her AP. That’s major damage and she probably feels like she and her siblings weren’t good enough for mom, and that’s why mom sought out AP. She will need a healthy outlet to work through these feelings, and therapy is the first step to helping her.” AosothSammy
12. AITJ For Accidentally Outing My Trans Sister To Her Kids?
“My sister’s kids were having a sleepover at my place. We’ve always had this picture of my family up from when we were really young, and this was the FIRST time her kids ever asked about it. She has also seen the picture and never commented on it.
They asked who she was in the picture.
My sister started transitioning in high school so I don’t really think of her as “trans.” Like I know she wasn’t always a woman but old pictures of her are just pictures of her to me.
And I sort of assume people know and it’s not a big dark secret.
Naturally, I responded honestly. I told them that was their mom, her daughter said she looked like a boy, and I said she was. I tried to explain that she was a boy but now she’s not and her son thought it was funny, but it made her daughter really upset.
I was surprised she kept it from them.
It didn’t come up again after that, she and her husband picked the kids up eventually and neither kid seemed upset about it. Overall it was a pretty good sleepover.
A few hours later, I have her husband on the phone asking what I said and calling me “insane.” He said my sister is “distraught.” He was saying I outed her and how cruel that was, but kids are pure.
Outing means nothing to them because you can teach them empathy and understanding. There’s nothing to be afraid of, being outed to a kid.
Still I did out her, which I apologized for. I eventually got her on the phone and she said she’s really upset with me but she understands I didn’t mean to cause any harm.
I asked her if she was ever planning to tell her kids and she said she wasn’t sure. I was SHOCKED at that. My sister isn’t typically a dishonest person. AT ALL. Both kids even know they’re adopted. I told her I did her kids a favor, which I believe, and then she said I’m never sorry about anything.
I think outing is horrible, but in this situation, was it justified? My husband also agrees it’s the kind of lie that would have left her children distrustful of her in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That conversation was not your place, period.
You should have told her to ask her parents about it and moved on. I understand that you didn’t intend to cause a problem, but being thoughtless about something can still be being a jerk. I’m glad it doesn’t seem to be causing a permanent rift between you and your sister, but definitely YTJ here.” trashchaos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Big time. That was a conversation for your sister to have with the kids when she was ready. It’s not your story to tell. You could have just deferred that situation to your sister. Now it can’t be taken back and you robbed her of her ability to do this on her terms. She’s the parent and it’s not your place to decide what is deceptive or not when it comes to her identity.” vexingcurses
Another User Comments:
“Yeah YTJ. You say in your post “I told her I did her kids a favor, which I believe”, meaning you aren’t remorseful after all, even though you claim that outing someone is horrible. Once someone transitions, that identity they are is who they are.
It’s wrong to reveal information like that. It’s not her being “dishonest”, your sister is a woman. Not a man. Just like you lie to kids about Santa Claus, it’s not your place to tell them what’s “true” and “not true.”” TuxedoCapybara
11. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend After She Ignored My Fears About Coming Out To My Homophobic Parents?
“My friend (“Alice”) and I are both members of the LGBTQ+ community.
When she came out to her parents, they were very understanding, supportive, and overall accepting. They bought her pride flags and go to pride parades with her.
I, however, am reluctant to come out to my parents because of the way they talk about members of the LGBTQ+ Community (my mom, for example, always makes gag noises when a homos****l couple appears on TV).
Every time something like this happens, I tell them to stop and try explaining to them why it’s harmful but they don’t seem to care.
Alice always tells me I should just come out to them, but I always tell her that my parents, unlike hers, are homophobes who would most likely disapprove of my s****l orientation.
Maybe it’s my jealousy speaking but I don’t think she’d understand my situation.
For my birthday, Alice got me pride stickers. Since I’m not out to my parents yet, I hid them in my room. Yesterday, while I was out with her, I received a call from my mom.
She found the stickers and was furious, ranting about how she wanted to speak with me immediately and how she’s disappointed in me, then she hung up.
I started to panic; crying, making a scene. Alice tried calming me down by saying something like: “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything is fine, my parents were so supportive when I came out, I’m sure yours will be too.” I just lost it at that moment, I screamed at her that our respective parents are not comparable and how she doesn’t need to hide herself around them and so on.
When I was done, Alice looked close to tears and ran off. I feel terrible for screaming at her when she was just trying to help, I guess I just need validation from the internet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is a jerk, obviously.
Alice seems to have completely dismissed and disregarded what you had been saying about your parents and how they might not accept you. She wants to believe everything will work out for you because they did for her, but that’s just not how things work.
It’s understandable that you would be frustrated by how she keeps dismissing you and snap in an already charged moment.” PresentationFew2014
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Alice sucks for pressuring you but I think she did mean well. However, I would have just thrown the stickers away instead of keeping them in my room.
I don’t think you are the jerk because while you did snap at her, she knows that your parents are homophobes and would not support you. I’m sorry, I can offer you Internet hugs and I hope you’re safe. If your parents kick you out or make you feel unsafe reach out to your friends or good family members for support.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained to Alice many times that your family is not as supportive as hers when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community. Honestly I think it was kinda rude she got you pride stickers knowing you haven’t come out to your family.
The way you spoke to Alice could have been better, but it seems she finally realizes that both of your parents are different.” MiraculouslyLala
10. AITJ For Confronting My Sister After She Hired My Partner For A Bachelorette Party?
“I’m 24f and my sister is 26f. I’ve been with my partner ‘Ben’, 29, for 3 years. He’s an exotic dancer. I always knew because I met him when he was hired at my friend’s 21st birthday party.
I’m used to women throwing themselves at him. I can live with it because I know that he comes home to me every night and tells me about his day. He has a no-touching rule about the ‘you know.’ So it doesn’t bother me about what he does.
Here’s the problem. I’m not in his league and my sister uses this at every turn. He met my family a few months after we met and she wouldn’t stop flirting with him. She kept mentioning that I need to be careful of him being unfaithful.
He came to a Halloween party as Aquaman (he’s Samoan with long hair so he looked the part) and my sister made inappropriate jokes. She’d say things like ‘I’ve got $1s in my pocket.’ It was making him uncomfortable so we left early.
I text her that he is a man and to treat him like it. She told me I was imagining things because I’m paranoid he’ll leave me for someone more attractive.
The next time was last Valentine’s Day when her then-partner asked us all on a double date to a small casino opening.
He was awesome so I thought her attention would be on him. She would sneak in between me and Ben as we were playing so she could be near him, she’d ‘blow on his dice for good luck’ etc. Completely forgot about her partner the whole night.
My partner is still friends with him to this day.
Last weekend, her best friend held a bachelorette party that my sister had to organize (as the MOH). I don’t know many details but I know it was the classic bachelorette. I didn’t know when it was, where, or anything like that, so when Ben told me he was hired for a bachelorette party, which he often is, I didn’t put two and two together.
He got home and said ‘we need to have a serious talk.’ I thought he’d been unfaithful at work, so I was on edge. He told me that my sister had used her friend’s details to book him and that he didn’t know she was the one who hired him, or he would have passed it to one of his friends.
She was all over him, giving him money and encouraging him to ‘take it all off.’ She knew he wouldn’t do that. It’s one of the first questions she asked when he met my family.
I drove to her house and confronted her. She told me he was the only exotic dancer she knew and that she had an obligation to hire one for her friend’s party because she was like a sister to her.
I AM her sister. She said he was lying about the night and that she took a back seat. She said it was all in my head because I knew he would leave me. I called her a manipulative jerk for using her friend as a way to get what she wants and for trying to put this on me out of jealousy and she closed the door and called my father, who just so happened to dislike me being with Ben anyway.
They’re both angry at me for making it personal and causing drama in the family.
I’ve just had a talk with ‘Ben’ and we’ve discussed it. I asked if he wanted to take a break until I make my sister not, well, be her.
He didn’t want that. I said I would support him taking legal action against her but he’s convinced him being a dancer sets him back already.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d keep your sister away from your relationship. Not because it seems like you have to worry about him, but you do have to worry about her, and her intentions.
Not only that, but she makes both him and you very uncomfortable with her words and actions towards him. She may try and sabotage your relationship by the sounds of how she’s already being. Time to separate yourself from her for a while.” LollipopThrowAway-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like time to spend less time with your sis and dear ol’ dad. Your partner sounds fantastic with good boundaries and a strong self-esteem, and you should take a page from his book. He isn’t out of your league.
He’s with you because he wants to be with you, and that’s what is most important. Don’t subject him or yourself to your sister’s bad behavior anymore. She is definitely jealous that she can’t stay in a relationship with a decent man due to that glaringly ugly personality of hers.
Keep your chin up and your boundaries firmly in place.” macladybulldog
Another User Comments:
“First off, you’re in your partner’s league. No idea what you look like (but I bet you’re easy on the eyes yourself) but I think I know why your partner loves you (not just why he is attracted to you).
You trust him. You see him as a person. You don’t let his job define him. You look at him and see him, not an object. You stand up for him to the people who do (even your family). Don’t let your sister ruin the wonderful thing the two of you have.
Your partner probably feels so lucky to have found you. NTJ.” Mediocre_Mechanic_23
You and your SO needs to step back from sister and father. Go low contact.
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband's Homophobic Friend?
“”Elmo” is a former friend of my husband who hates me with the intensity of a thousand suns, he tried for years to get us to break up but when it didn’t happen his dislike grew even more.
I am unsure why he disliked me initially but I know a big part of it is because our birthdays are very close and my husband has always prioritized mine. He was always rude and condescending with me, would speak over me, the whole shebang.
It was an issue for my husband since he defended me at the beginning but then I just told him to ignore it, I felt bad for Elmo because my husband was one of his very few friends.
It all exploded when we announced our engagement, Elmo was upset and let everybody know that I was just trying to trick my husband into marrying me because I was a social climbing gold digger.
(Side note, it would be the other way around but Elmo didn’t know that then.) Needless to say he wasn’t invited and my husband said it was too much to keep ignoring it. They still sometimes see each other due to a pair of common friends, we would feel awful to request them to cut him off because that is now the extent of his social circle.
I mean, he knows people but is not exactly liked around.
Last night, one of the common friends had a pre-holidays party and invited us. Since my cousin “Ricky” is visiting I considered staying home or doing something else, but the organizer said he was welcome to join if he wanted. Ricky is gay, not a big deal for most but it seems Elmo is not a fan although in Elmo’s defense, he might just dislike anything that has to do with me and not be homophobic but god only knows with him.
We were there already when Elmo arrived, he was really happy to see my husband and began making small talk with my cousin when he saw me and made a face, I simply shrugged it off and just greeted him to be polite. Fast forward an hour or two, Ricky talks about his ex and how he misses him but doesn’t think is the right time for them.
Elmo interjects and says maybe he, Ricky, is just wrong. I look at him like what, Elmo says “I’m just saying he should let people know he’s gay before he gets close to them.” Everybody was looking at us now and I just did a ‘clutches pearls’ hand movement and said “OMG, the audacity of a gay person shaking hands with a straight one.” People laughed and I just rolled my eyes and went to the kitchen for more wine.
Elmo followed me and said it was uncalled but he didn’t expect anything else from me. I told him it was not my fault he is a homophobe and probably a closeted gay in love with my husband. He screamed, I laughed and said “at least now we know why you hate me”.
We left and I apologized to the hosts but told them I couldn’t stay there. My husband found it hilarious and doesn’t care about Elmo anymore. The host sent me a text apologizing for the drama, reminding me it was not my fault.
But my cousin feels calling him a closeted gay was uncalled for and if he is I just made it all worse.
AITJ?
Oh, Elmo is 43 btw.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Clearly Elmo has issues. BUT, I truly despise it when people assume that people who do homophobic things are closeted. Most of the time it isn’t correct, and it is a form of stereotyping that I think is homophobic in itself.
While his weird jealousy over your relationship with your husband could be seen as a justification for the comment, I still think what you said is offensive. It was also unnecessary. You correctly called him a homophobe for being weird about shaking hands and that was enough.” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“My vote is NTJ and I won’t go into elaboration as to why because it’s been said by others. But a question, is the whole “closeted gay” comment really using gay as an insult? I don’t think it was necessarily in a derogatory way.
I mean, I’m a straight guy who’s nothing but accepting of gay people. But in this context, it was in response to being challenged after she stood up for Ricky (gay friend) after this person made an incredibly homophobic under-toned comment. I mean, are we denying the reality that there are certainly “masculine bros” who secretly might be curious and use homophobia to stifle their own thoughts?
I don’t think OP’s comment implied anything negative or wrong with being gay.” Ashamed_Topic8280
Another User Comments:
“I’ve reread this twice and still don’t see how you supposedly used gay as an insult?? Had Elmo been a woman, everyone would’ve jumped on him for most likely being in love with your husband, and that’s what you seem to be calling out?
NTJ, but consider dropping Elmo entirely, or ask your husband to officially cut the contact or something, 43 and unable to act even remotely decent with someone he dislikes for no valid reason? The guy needs to move on.” Melon_Slice
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad For Bringing My Half-Sister To Our Therapy Session Without Asking Me?
“So I didn’t even know my dad could do this. I’m so upset about it but I also feel really terrible.
So yesterday was family counseling night and I (18F) enjoy going because it helps get all the secrets out and it makes me feel happy and like my family is normal. But my mom (39F) didn’t go because my cousin gave birth and she wanted to be there to see her.
So it was just me and my dad (44M) going which is fine – we’ve been there alone a lot of times before.
But waiting in the counselor’s office already was my half-sister Eliza (15F) and I don’t know why it just made me upset seeing her there.
I didn’t not participate in the counseling session but it made me really sad and mad at the same time and the counselor figured out what was going on but my dad didn’t and I couldn’t even talk properly. It felt like Eliza was trying to make me look like a villain for not letting people know she was my sister (which I never said she couldn’t tell just that I didn’t want her to) and not wanting to hang out with her (which I don’t).
When we went back home, my dad asked me what was wrong and why I was so quiet and I just yelled at him that he shouldn’t have brought her without asking and I felt like he broke my trust. He didn’t say anything but I could tell I hurt him.
I just went to bed after crying. He came into my room later to talk but I pretended to sleep and kissed me on the forehead and left.
I know I made him feel really bad and I haven’t seen him all day (he’s over visiting my baby half-brother).
My mom told me that I shouldn’t have used the words I did since I’m 18 now and I just feel like a major jerk about it all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this therapy is a safe space for you and he should have asked if it was alright to bring her.
And if your answer was still no, he needs to respect that. Therapy is a space where you can go and work through your problems, not be blindsided.” maddiemandie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get the impression that you need this therapy as your safe space to work on the issues that made the therapy necessary.
Your dad should be aware of your problems with the half-sister and not force her on you in the therapy session. You were yelling because you felt betrayed and couldn’t handle the situation. Please use your next therapy session to talk about that.” Kind-Kaleidoscope358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. You felt like your father betrayed your trust because your father betrayed your trust. It’s also an alarm bell that he made you feel guilty for “hurting his feelings” (!) when you expressed that betrayal. He seems to be really good at doing whatever he wants and getting people to still side with him, and feel guilty for calling him out.
This was 100% a jerk move by your father (your half-sister has nothing to do with this; don’t take your anger out on her; he’ll probably encourage you to). He didn’t tell you because for whatever reason he wanted to spring this info on you, throw you off balance.
I don’t know, maybe he wanted you to be told you were unfair to your half-sister, and knew you’d say no if you knew she’d be at the session, so he lied. That could be one reason, but there are many others. The point is he betrayed your trust and he needs to apologize and never do that again.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Criticizing My In-Laws' Christmas Priorities?
“I don’t like my in-laws.
I’ll be honest, we’ve always had issues. MIL grew up wealthy, and as of right now I would classify them as very wealthy/full-blown rich, but when they got married her family disowned her, and they were poor for a little while. The one thing I actually find very redeeming in MIL is that despite how vain and materialistic she is, she really did love her husband more than the money.
On the other hand, my biggest issue with MIL and FIL is that they love each other wayyyyyy way more than they love their kids, and MIL actually looks down on me for prioritizing my children and makes snide comments that she feels bad for her son.
We were talking about Christmas recently and MIL made fun of people who don’t like materialism because that is the best part. She then told me what she clearly considered a sweet story about how when they were poor FIL worked extra shifts and saved to buy her a diamond ring because she didn’t get an engagement ring.
My husband made a joking comment about how he probably didn’t get anything that Christmas. MIL laughed and admitted that he got something from the dollar store because she did the budget and spent all the money on FIL, and FIL spent all the money he saved on her ring.
She laughed like it was funny, but I didn’t think it was, and my kids looked at me kind of confused because in our house Christmas is all about the kids.
MIL called me out on “making a face” and I was honest and told her that was pretty weird, and in my world kids get Christmas presents first. Some years my husband and I don’t even exchange gifts.
MIL got defensive and said my husband can’t even remember that year but she can, and said marriage is forever, kids leave and have new families. I said that I stood by what I said and MIL seemed upset (she gets very defensive about not being the greatest mom) and FIL said I was just jealous because my husband wouldn’t do that for me.
It definitely made the mood weird and when we left MIL muttered that I like making her look bad to my kids, which I don’t think is true. They are just perceptive and curious and have their own opinions of her.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
MIL is right that kids leave, and the parents’ marriage will go on. Too many people focus solely on their kids and grow apart, then get divorced when the kids move out because they don’t know how to relate to each other anymore. You’re right that Christmas should be about the kids, though, because it’s a magical time for them, and adult gift-giving is often trying to chase the dragon of that wonderful feeling we had as kids…except we can’t, because we adults do all the work!” Moonshae295
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You just sound judgmental as all get out. Clearly FIL was fine with the situation, and the ring was purchased with joint assets. Your in-laws are allowed to have different priorities than you – it doesn’t make them bad people, and it’s no reason to sit around making faces at their fond memories.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning YTJ because you shamed your MIL for your FIL buying her a present and spending nothing on the kids. That was his choice, yet you made her the bad mom. You also appear to be equating $$ with love. Like the Dursleys.
Her kids got presents; she wasn’t some neglectful jerk. Little kids love stuff from the dollar store. Your husband hasn’t wept into your shoulder that he didn’t get expensive stuff and a Dudley Dursley-sized mountain of presents, he was fine and had a nice Christmas.
I tend to dislike people who are “Kids first, always!” Martyring yourself is a terrible way to live, and they wind up a Giving Tree stump of a person in the end. You ARE supposed to love your spouse more than the children, it causes issues when you don’t.
There’s that whole therapy thing about “family of origin triangulation” and the many, many problems that arise when a person is closer to their children than their spouse. The other end of the spectrum, where the couple is so schmoopsie-cutsie-obsessed with each other, to the neglect of the kids, is equally boorish and damaging.
But, your husband appears to be happy and healthy, and you don’t mention any of his siblings or their spouses have issues, so I don’t think they went too far in that opposite direction to the point of causing harm. You do sound jealous and like you’re using self-righteousness to disguise it, and you are purposefully making MIL look bad to your kids.” millac7
6. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Using My Childhood Nickname?
“I am a 21(M). So, yesterday was my step-father’s (whom I’m close with) birthday, and we all decided to go out to a nice restaurant for a meal. We all got together at my stepdad’s place.
Now, to provide context here, I have a nickname that everyone who knows me uses.
It’s what everyone refers to me by, and I’ve used it since I was 7. It’s ‘Cross’. Yes, that is actually it in real life. I like it, mainly because when I was a kid it was one of those ‘cool-sounding words’ to me (I was a weird kid lol) and it shared one thing in common with my actual name; they both start with ‘Cro’.
Just before we were preparing to leave, my step-sister asked me to go get her phone. She said it like this:
‘Hey, Cross. Could you go get my phone for me? I left it in my room’.
I said yeah, sure. I quickly ran upstairs to get it from my sister’s room.
Once I found it, I exited the room only to find my mother at the front of the staircase. My mom told me she wanted to have a private talk with me before we left. I asked what about. She said, ‘Honey, I think it’s time you let go of that silly nickname.
You’re a grown man now. Grown men don’t use childish nicknames like that.’ She said that she doesn’t approve of me using that nickname when I’m an adult and that she would like me to tell everyone to start using my real name.
I told her no, not happening.
I’ve used that name my entire life. Besides, I use my real name for important stuff like signing documents, applying for jobs, etc. She told me that it doesn’t matter. I told her if it doesn’t matter, there’s no problem with me using it. It’s not harming anyone.
She got upset and asked me if I didn’t appreciate the name she gave me. I said no, and told her that ‘Cross’ is just something that stuck to me. She got upset, and told me that she’s not happy that people still call me that, and I told her that’s her problem, and walked off.
This had repercussions later, she was quiet the whole night and was sulking mostly.
When we got back to the house, she said that she had something important to discuss. She told them that I would like them to stop using ‘Cross’ because apparently I feel belittled by the name, and that I don’t want to be treated like a child.
I got annoyed at that, and snapped at my mom, and said ‘Get off my case. It’s a name, why are you making such a big deal out of it?’ She started crying, saying she was only trying to help me.
Everyone left after that.
I don’t think I was in the wrong but my mom has been calling non-stop, saying how mean I was and that I embarrassed her in front of everyone. A few aunts, and my grandma are telling me that I was out of line, and that my mother was just trying to look out for me.
My grandpa, step-father and sister are telling me that my mother is making a big deal out of a name, and to not worry about it.
I still feel I’ve done something bad. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nicknames are nothing to freak out like that about, and the fact that she is trying to make you feel so awful for something so small is truly jerk behavior.” AshIsShamed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because she’s your mom, doesn’t mean she’s always right. It’s your name/nickname and therefore your choice. Her problem with it is her choice and hers to deal with. Sounds a bit attention-seeking/controlling on her part to insist that you, a grown adult, use a name that she wants you to use.” BubblyVariation4104
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She blindsided you in private about it and you were patient and polite. Then she chose to lie to other people about it and you called her out on it. The “just trying to help” argument is such a trashy cop-out that people use.” J********r
5. AITJ For Taking Back My Laptop That My Mom Gave Away Without My Permission?
“I recently got a laptop as a gift for a sports event I won from my father so I gave my old laptop to a close friend of mine whose family has been going through some financial troubles.
Two days after that my mother asked for my old laptop. I told her that I had given it to my friend. Well, that didn’t go down well.
Apparently, my cousin’s family is having financial troubles as well and mom promised to give my cousin my old laptop.
She asked me to buy it back from my friend with the money I had saved up but I refused.
The next day I couldn’t find my laptop when I came home and on asking my mother she told me she had given it to my cousin because she still had her classes online while I was having in-person classes.
Well, to be clear, she is attending online classes of her own will. Her school offers both right now and she chose to study online because it had been more ‘enriching’ than normal classes.
I relayed the whole incident to my father. He got upset and told my mother she needed to get my laptop back or he will.
My mother refused and said he could buy me another laptop if he wanted but my cousin’s parents couldn’t afford even one. My father got really mad and drove to my cousin’s place and asked for the laptop back after explaining the situation.
I got my laptop back but some family members have messaged me and said that what I did was wrong and selfish and my cousin called me a jerk.
My mother has been really vocal and asked me to hand over my savings so that she can buy a new laptop for my cousin to lessen her humiliation. My father said that she would get over it but I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If mom is so concerned about lessening her humiliation, maybe she should go into HER savings to buy a computer for your cousin.” MogwaiChampion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both laptops were yours and no one even asked for it, your mother assumed and made promises without consulting you and then stole your property when you didn’t read her mind.
I’m glad your dad got it back for you, if your mother is that upset about the situation she can buy your cousin a laptop just like your dad could just buy you one.” Massivesigh100
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like at all. Your mother sounds like the real jerk, and your oh-so-poor cousin has more than just a few options.
No school offering online courses is without a library students can use, or even better some have rentable laptops. Tell your mom to suck one and buy your cousin a laptop herself if it’s that serious. Also, please lock up your belongings as your mother seems the type to sell some important items out of spite.” PeeInMyAppleJuice
4. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Mom's Engagement Ring To My Step-Brother For His Proposal?
“My mom died when I (27M) was 9. My dad remarried sometime after. His wife had 3 other kids so it was definitely a major adjustment. Me and her son “B” (28M) shared my tiny cramped room all our teen years and it was rough. We didn’t get along at all.
It was a relief moving out when I started university and never looked back. The only person I stayed in contact with was my dad and my older brother (35m). Our relationship with our dad is a bit strained for many other reasons aside from how he handled everything back then.
I’ve seen them a handful of times over the years. Last time was at my dad’s for his birthday over a month ago. I was told B has a partner that he’s been with for 5 years and he wants to propose. My dad says it would be a beautiful gift if I gave him my mom’s engagement ring that she specifically left to us.
It was my grandma’s ring which was given to my dad when he wanted to propose to her. That’s a thing my family’s done and so that’s why he’d think it would be a nice thing to continue on since now he’s ready to get married.
I told them both no. Not just because B isn’t one of my mom’s kids but because I want to keep the engagement ring to propose to a future partner. My brother doesn’t believe in getting married so that’s why the ring was passed to me.
It was always meant to be used by one of us. I gave these reasons along with the fact it’s part of a family tradition on my mom’s side. B got pretty mad and so did my dad because he says B is my brother therefore part of the family (and the tradition).
I said no he’s not. He’s someone I had to be roommates with as a teenager but we’re not family. The story would be different if it was my brother who wanted to use it because we’re actually family, my brother agreed with that too.
My dad hasn’t left me alone about it. B’s only bothered me a few times about it and so has my dad’s wife. Basically think I’m being a jerk since this would be a meaningful gift as a way for me to finally consider him my family and it’s a nice tradition for the new generation.
And it’s not like B is short on money to buy his own engagement ring. Seems to be they really wanna push this because it’s part of the tradition on my mom’s side. Which I don’t get why he needs to be part of it.
Much less take my mom’s engagement ring. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Clear NTJ. You said it yourself, that ring was meant for either you or your brother to use. Your mom’s intentions were clear. Even if you didn’t plan on getting married, it’s a keepsake that was gifted to you, by your mom, a woman your stepbrother never knew as a parent.
It’s cruel of your dad to be pushing this when he knows you are planning on using it – they don’t have the right to demand to be included in family tradition when it means taking something so meaningful away from you. It’s your ring to propose with.” hecatescharm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This has nothing to do with your step-brother or frankly your father. The ring was left to you and your brother by your mother – who I assume never even met your stepbrother – so apart from anything else if you gave it away you wouldn’t be following her last wishes.
It’s very weird how the rest of your family seem to think that they can co-opt another family’s traditions – and possessions – simply because your stepmother married your father – who wasn’t even part of the family with the tradition until HE married into it.
Very strange and honestly, I’d want nothing to do with any of them. Personally, I would sit your father down – or write him a letter – and reiterate everything you’ve said previously but stress that you will not be changing your mind on this, and if he continues to push this then he will damage your relationship further.
If he continues to harass you then it might be time for a period of no contact.” history_buff_9971
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that’s your mom’s heirloom which was left to you. It’s never going to have the same significance for someone who doesn’t even know her?
I mean, what’s your father thinking of? Why can’t his own mom (your stepmom) give him her own ring?” Wendypoupee
3. AITJ For Firing My MIL's Friend Who Told My Kids She Was Their Real Mom?
“I (26F) am the mother of two kids (4F and 3M). My husband (27M) and I both work office jobs. Due to this, we need someone to watch the kids while we aren’t home. We mostly had babysitters but a few months back my MIL (48F) suggested that her friend could watch them for free.
I told her it wasn’t necessary since we could afford a babysitter just fine, but she insisted. I didn’t really see any harm in it after she kept asking, so I gave in and her friend (45F) started babysitting our kids.
Everything was perfect for the first few months, she was always on time and always fed my kids and put them to bed at the time I suggested. My kids seemed to really like her, but about a few weeks ago my oldest came to me and asked me if I was their real mommy.
I was confused, and asked her what she meant.
Well turns out, MIL’s friend had been telling my kids that they were her babies, and when they protested saying they weren’t, she would yell at them saying that I was just their money maker and that she was their real mommy.
I told my husband about this and he hired a babysitter on the spot. Then he and I called my MIL and told her about the situation, we told her that we weren’t going to have her friend over anymore because it made us uncomfortable.
We even told her what my kid had told me.
Well, MIL didn’t take it well. Over the phone she started screaming, saying “my friend doesn’t have any kids or grandchildren, so your kids are the closest things she’s had to it, and you’re going to take that away from her?!”
My husband and I tried to calm her down, but after a bit we just hung up.
I received a photo of MIL’s friend crying on MIL’s couch later that night.
I feel horrible for making her upset, but I don’t like how she was telling my kids these things.
I understand that she doesn’t have kids, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior.
But for my peace of mind, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything you underacted. Would your MIL ever help your friend see them? To the point of taking the kids behind your back?
I’d take them to a few sessions with a therapist. They were clearly confused and the damage this unhinged woman did can run deeper than you know right now. Kids internalize that kind of stuff.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your job to provide a stranger with pseudo-grandkids.
The hand that rocks the cradle level craziness here & I can’t believe your MIL thinks it’s ok for her friend to try to alienate your kids from their parents (that’s a crime btw). I would never allow that woman near your kids again she is unbalanced (& mil isn’t far behind).
I would not allow MIL to have the kids unsupervised at her place, IMO she would invite her friend over while you weren’t around to spend time with them, that’s a possible abduction waiting to happen.” Competitive_Tea2413
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that is honestly terrifying.
your kids must have been super upset if it got to the point where they were confused about whether you were their mom. not having children or grandchildren is not an excuse to go all hand that rocks the cradle! I would be very weary she doesn’t try to come around the house and maybe consider some outdoor cameras just in case!” latefordinner__
2. AITJ For Refusing To Overcook A High-End Steak For A Friend's Partner?
“So, we did a bit of an extravagant Friendsgiving this year as I lucked into a strip loin of A5 Wagyu for a price that was unorthodox levels of cheap (My friend works for a high-end meat distributor and received it as a gift).
It was a tight-knit event with only 10 of us there, mostly couples including my friend who only started seeing a girl within the last couple of months. We had an array of dishes but I was responsible for cooking the meat. Steak is about the closest thing I have to a religion and I take it very seriously.
The average steak for me takes about 4-5 hours to prepare and cook from the sous vide to the cast iron, to plate though sometimes I take as much as 3-4 months butter aging or dry aging my meats to be certain that they are perfect.
These were genuine A5 so I only sous vide them after cutting them into two-inch steaks. There was pretty perfect enough for one each but I also made jerk chicken, mandarin duck breast, and a nice cut-off cherry jalapeno salmon. I had quite the spread.
I sous vide them to medium-rare to be sure the fat was well-rendered but informed them that if absolutely necessary, I’d bring them up to medium on request.
Well, here comes the new girl to the group. She sees the first person cut into their steak and sees pink and she is just mortified. Immediately she accuses him of eating raw meat and stresses that the steak should be, “Brown all the way through or else you’ll get sick.” I informed her that this wasn’t the case and that these steaks were actually cooked to the ideal temperature for the cut.
She immediately demanded that I cook hers till it was brown all the way through and I firmly said, “Not a chance.” She proceeded to get angry and yell that it was her steak and she should have it how she liked. I told her that there were plenty of other meats to choose from as well as a plethora of side dishes that she could have but her steak was not being made well-done in my house.
She said, “Jerk.” Then she got up and started to stick the steak in the microwave. I shot up and grabbed it out of her hand first at which point half of the steak fell onto the ground. My dogs quickly got to it to which I said, “Well, at least it went to someone who wouldn’t disrespect a good steak.” From there, there was definitely tension from that end of the table.
They ate a little bit then hurriedly left.
Since then, my long-time friend and his new partner have blocked me on social media and my phone number. They’ve even gone so far as to block the rest of the people at the table and cut off all ties.
Yesterday I received a PayPal invoice from my old friend for $25 that just said, “Pay for dry cleaning of her dress.” I don’t think anything actually spilled on her, I think it’s just more drama but as of now I’m ignoring it and, unfortunately, probably washing my hands clean of an old friend.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“She was a terrible guest and you were an obnoxious host. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t even eat meat above a medium rare temp, but when you choose to cook for someone, you don’t get to dictate how they eat it.
You’re gifting them a dish and they can do how they will with it in the manner they enjoy it. The fact you’d rather have a dog eat the meat than the guest is pretty telling how inconsiderate and controlling of a host you are.
ESH.” Boring_Ghoul_451
Another User Comments:
“YTJ assuming this is even real because I can’t fathom someone being this much of a jerk to their friends. You weren’t the one eating the steak – she was. She can have it however she wants. The fact that you not only refused to cook it to her request but then grabbed it away from her when she attempted to cook it further herself, makes you a complete and total jerk in this situation.
And the fact that you’ll give $120 steak to a dog before you’ll let a person eat it well done is just ridiculous.” strikingfirefly
Another User Comments:
“What, actually, is your issue? There are some people out there who have a problem with meat that isn’t brown through and through.
Why do you take it upon yourself to demand they eat it your way or not at all? It’s like you forbidding someone to use salt, ketchup, or mayonnaise on their fries because you think they need to be eaten “pure”. However, the way this “lady” acted was beyond rude, too.
Which is why I feel very comfortable to call this ESH.” melympia
1. AITJ For Siding With My Wife After She Insulted My Sister's Profession?
“My parents hosted an early Christmas dinner yesterday as they are going away on their dream trip in a few days.
My wife “Francesca” and I went, and my sister “Alice” was there too.
Francesca and Alice have never been close. Not for any particular reason they’re just very different people with different views on things.
Francesca is a cardiac surgeon, one of the most senior at the hospital she works at.
Alice is a nursery teacher.
Francesca owns a huge collection of clothes, dresses, and outfits. However, she rarely gets to use them because she works such long and unpredictable hours. For my parents’ dinner she wore a new evening dress she bought and her best pair of heels.
She was a little overdressed compared to everyone else but she likes it that way.
Towards the end of the evening we were all a bit tipsy. Alice questioned why Francesca feels the need to “flaunt her wealth” and wear “fancy dresses” everywhere she goes.
Francesca responded, “it’s almost like my job requires more skill than babysitting children all day”.
Alice got very upset and did a nasty impression of Francesca walking around in heels and “looking down” on everyone. She then pulled one of Francesca’s shoes off her and waved it around.
Francesca panicked at this because those shoes were EXPENSIVE.
I thought the impression and the shoe thing took things way too far. I got the shoe off Alice and gave it back to Francesca, and told Alice her actions were completely inappropriate.
My parents intervened at this point, saying that both of them were being “immature”.
Obviously Francesca shouldn’t have said that about Alice’s job, but Alice’s response was despicable. She did an impression of Francesca to humiliate her and then took an expensive shoe from her.
Alice said I was a “terrible brother” and that she doesn’t want anything to do with me after I sided with Francesca.
I think I did the right thing. Yes, Francesca shouldn’t have made the comment about the job, but what Alice did after that was much worse.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. As always, when two total jerks go toe to toe, everyone present loses.
Alice has no business vocalizing her jealousy over Francesca’s lifestyle during a family dinner. And if Francesca was 1/10th as intelligent as she thinks she is, she would be able to handle that kind of slight without denigrating Alice’s career and escalating the situation.” gw2kpro
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Your wife the most. Your wife is a snob and you should have told her so. Your sister is in an honorable, valuable profession that frankly, does not pay what it should. How dare your wife mock her for it and how dare you not say something to her.
If I were sister, I would lose your number. Yes she should not have taken the shoe off, but teachers get mocked so often, I can see why she would have snapped at your pretentious wife.” LingonberryPrior6896
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