People Seek Judgment On Their Most Disputed "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Reminding My Husband's Friend That I Make More Than Him?
“My (30F) husband (32M) has a friend ‘Mike’ (36M) who fancies himself the wolf of Wall Street.
Mike got some funds when his grandpa passed away (150k) and blew it all very quickly in ‘get rich quick’ schemes as well as trying out day trading.
He’s currently working in a call center while still trying to make it big. He has no inheritance funds left.
The issue is that Mike is really bad at making financial decisions and so he keeps losing funds, but that doesn’t stop him from repeating over and over that ‘next year’ he’ll make his first million (he’s been saying this for 5 years).
I wouldn’t mind his attitude as much except he constantly belittles me and my husband, looking down on us for our car when he doesn’t have one or saying that ‘smart people work for themselves’ as a dig to our jobs. He finally made income last week (2k) and he came over for dinner.
He was on a huge high from making it and was more arrogant than usual, talking about how he was going to buy a really expensive car and wouldn’t be caught dead with the car we own. He then kept saying ‘I made 2k in 15 minutes, nobody else at this table can say that’.
He then proceeded to try to give us financial advice, which consisted of him putting down mine and my husband’s jobs (he makes the same amount as my husband and way less than me).
I got fed up with his attitude and said ‘Mike, we didn’t make 2k in 15 minutes but I do make 100k a year which is about 3 times what you make and I never blew 150k, so I really don’t think you are in a place to advise on finances’.
He stormed out and said I was a jerk, my husband thinks I should’ve been nicer since I know how he is.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know how he is. Now he knows how you are. Let that be his problem.” sepher32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He got a reality check and didn’t like it. Don’t dish if you can’t take it return. Typical bully behavior.” AITAPS5-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “You know how he is” is a phrase used by people to excuse bad behavior. It’s not okay and we need to collectively stop accepting that bad behavior is okay because “that’s just how they are.” Guess what, that’s how they’ll remain until people start calling them out on their bull.
Good for you OP for shutting it down. He deserved it and maybe (hopefully) will be a bit more humble moving forward.” ShmamBo88
22. AITJ For Kicking Out My Entitled Maid Of Honor Before My Wedding?
“I’m a newlywed (27f), and I had only two bridesmaids because I kicked one to the curb a few months before the big day.
My friend Tara (name changed, obv) and I have known each other for about 8 years.
We have always gotten along because I don’t mind playing second fiddle. She’s quite friendly, and confident, but also a bit spoiled. Nevertheless, I never let it bother me much.
When my partner proposed, I asked Tara to be my MOH. She was ecstatic and we made plans for her to fly down to pick out dresses with the other girls.
Red flag, but when Tara arrived to stay with me, she asked what I made for dinner. I said, “you know I don’t cook” but she was very unpleasant and put out that I was not hosting her properly.
The next day, we did brunch with my flower girl (my daughter) and bridesmaids at this cute tea shop.
She refused to interact with anyone, even after I paid for everyone’s food. She ignored my little daughter’s attempts to talk and asked when we could leave.
Our plans were to go to the dress shop, which I reminded her of, but she said she didn’t feel well.
So I said okay, we will send pics.
So the rest of us go and have a nice time, and Tara does not respond to my attempts to pick a dress. Finally, we get home and she is watching a horror movie in the main room, and eating chips.
When I come in to share about our day, she shushes me and says “Can’t you see I am trying to watch a movie?” Then Tara starts up another movie, turns the volume all the way up, and tries to shush everyone.
She continues being so demanding and rude, I have a panic attack the next day, and – annoyed that she was not being hosted properly – Tara left. She said everything made her too “anxious”.
I actually have an anxiety disorder so I know how that can be, but… come on. Don’t try to use that as an excuse to be a jerk to people.
When I got better, I got Tara and told her that since everything stressed her out so much, she should reconsider being my MOH.
I want you to come as a guest, but you are relieved of your duties.
She kept asking why… Finally, I said, “If you are causing this much trouble now, I don’t want you around me on my wedding day. You are being selfish and spoiled, and if no one has told you yet it’s like being around an entitled child.
You need to change that.”
She still came to the wedding, glaring daggers and dropping mean comments.
After the wedding, she started calling me every week to tell me how I ruined that experience for her.
Finally, I just snapped and said, “Well I meant it!
And you can call as much as you want, but that just shows that I was right! Don’t call me again about this.”
Haven’t heard a peep. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So you ruined the experience of YOUR WEDDING for her? Tara’s entitlement is truly next level.
NTJ and congrats on your wedding!” AlmostSouthern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. GOOD FOR YOU! You should be proud for standing up for yourself and not letting her be the narcissistic drama queen she was obviously dying to be! Congrats on the wedding!” Alarmed-Hamster-4047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s good she showed you her true colors early. If you haven’t figured it out yet, the friendship (or what you thought was a friendship) is over. Best wishes for a happy marriage!” QuinGood
21. AITJ For Using My Theatre Voice To Scare Off My Friend's Annoying Neighbour?
“I have performed in amateur theatre for over 20+ years and can now project my voice quite a distance thanks to many of the roles I’ve had (this is important later).
Two weeks ago I was staying at my friend’s house overnight because I was helping with renovations and it was just easier to stay the night and finish the reno the next day than make two return trips (plus his wife is a great cook).
They have told me many stories about their annoying neighbor across the road who complains when their kids are playing outside or that they don’t like seeing so many cars parked on the street when my friends are hosting a dinner party.
So, Sunday morning at 7:15 there is rapping at the door and I open it as I was up making coffee.
It is the old witch neighbor telling me that I have to move my work truck now (parked in front of my friend’s house) because she has guests coming for lunch at 11:30. Never being at my best this early on a Sunday I go full King Lear on her raising myself up and giving her a death stare “Begone you feculent hag!
And take your miserable & selfish behavior with you!”
She screamed and ran away (pretty good burst of speed for a 66-year-old, lol). I woke up everyone in the house, the neighbor’s dogs on both sides went crazy barking and a few people came out of their house to see what was going on.
I just waved and said sorry.
My friend thought it was hilarious but his wife thinks I am the jerk for waking up their kids and disturbing the neighborhood so early on a Sunday morning.
So AITJ for scaring the old bat and waking up the neighborhood (They haven’t heard from her since then)?”
Another User Comments:
“Look. Are YTJ? Certainly. Was it hilarious? Absolutely. Is it keeping her away? Looks like. I think the pros outweigh the cons on this one.” Im_a_surly_duck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a Sunday morning. The neighbors and the kids could go back to sleep.
It was rude of the neighbor to come to their door at 7:15 in the morning for an 11:30 a.m. lunch. I think what you did was great and you probably did your friends a favor being that they have not heard from her. You might, of course, apologize to the wife in order to keep that great cooking coming your way.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Paying Full Vet Bills After The Neighbor's Dog Ate My Food?
“This week, I (28f) hosted a family gathering. The people there were my sister and her family (4 in total), my brother and his wife, my partner, and mine and his parents.
I live relatively out in the country, so it’s not exactly common for whole properties to be fenced, usually, it’s just fences for animals.
Since it was nice out, we ate lunch outside. Some of the food wasn’t immediately brought inside after we ate, including some desserts that were mostly chocolate, and a bit of fruit.
I figured the food would probably be fine being left out for a little bit, and if not it could just be thrown away. The food was covered, too.
After we ate, we went down to the small pond that’s on my property for a little bit (probably half an hour/45 minutes).
It has a nice dock and view of the trees and is a great place to spend some time.
When we got back up to where the food was left, the neighbor’s dog was on the table, eating the food, and had ripped the covers off.
I got my neighbors and they apologized but asked what the dog had eaten. I told them that some of the food was toxic to dogs (chocolate, grapes, etc.).
They started freaking out and rushed their dog to the vet. Yesterday they contacted me and asked if I would pay the vet bills.
Their dog survived but needed extensive care and had racked up quite a bit in vet bills.
I offered to pay a quarter of the bills, but they wanted all of it because the food she ate was mine. I told them if they hadn’t let their dog on my property it wouldn’t have eaten my food.
They said that it had accidentally gotten out and they didn’t mean to, and that I should pay all the bills. I then made a remark about how they should pay for the food the dog ate, but they weren’t amused and got more upset.
I told them a quarter or nothing, and they’re still upset about it and want me to pay more. I did leave the food out, though.
AITJ for not paying the full cost?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s THEIR Dog, THEY let it out accidentally, THEY failed to supervise their pet.
The fact that the trouble the dog got into happened to be on your property doesn’t make you responsible here. It’s the responsibility of the pet owner to keep their pet safe. Full stop.” Zealousideal-Chance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But for the fact they didn’t contain their dog, it wouldn’t have gotten sick.
You didn’t intentionally feed the dog anything.” duke113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, owner of three dogs here.. You shouldn’t have offered to pay for any of the bills. By their logic, if their dog was run over by a car while roaming around they’d want the driver to pay the vet bills.
Dog got out of their property and was unsupervised they are responsible.” sert965
19. AITJ For Not Feeding My Step-Daughter After She Refused To Eat Her Dinner?
“My stepdaughter Ellie is 10, an only child and very entitled. Independent of entitlement issues we generally enjoy our relationship and do many things together at her request.
The incident in question happened on Sunday. I had a lot of work to do and needed to go in to work. Ellie begged to come with me (she’s legit welcome there). I agreed with the stipulation we eat dinner before heading in because I’d need to power through.
We grab McDonald’s. She picks at the meal she requested saying she prefers to snack. I say fine, whatever, pack it up if you prefer but we’re not eating until I’m done. She throws it away.
I’m annoyed but offer to grab a snack food option to go.
She shrugs and says no she’s fine, we head in to my work, she’s having fun doing her thing. Three hours in she whines at me how she’s starving. I say well you should have eaten, sorry, I need 1 more hour. Her dad texts me 10 minutes later and says why didn’t you feed Ellie?
I rolled my eyes and ignore him because there’s a history here with her texting dad a version and I know I can provide him context in 15 minutes or so when I’m done with what I was working on.
Not 3 minutes later her mom is blowing up my phone with texts and then calling literally 30 seconds after sending.
I always answer her because it’s her kid and I’m not her mom but she demands I take Ellie to get food right now or else. I’m about to accommodate because, again, not my kid but Ellie strolls in with this smug look of satisfaction.
I’m upset, I tell her mom “hey, being hungry seems like a natural consequence of not eating the dinner I already tried to feed her, need to let you go because work.” And hung up the phone.
Ellie asked where we were going for dinner.
I told her we had dinner, took the entire last hour I need while ignoring her tantrum and drove home in silence.
My husband says I’m the jerk for getting his ex up his backside, his ex says I’m the jerk because how dare I not feed a hungry child… but I’m kind of feeling like they’re the jerks for raising such an entitled spoiled brat.
So I’ll let y’all tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and never take her anywhere again. She burned that bridge. Whatever you do, don’t allow her father or mother to put the burden of their poor parenting on you. You will always lose.
There is no explanation that you can give that will be taken because they have created this monster. Let her mother and your husband know that this is a boundary that will not be crossed again. If you are needed for work or anything, she will either need to be picked up by dad or dropped off at Mom’s.
A lot of people are going to say oh she is 10, give her a chance, explain why she hurt you. She doesn’t care. She has been raised to be a jerk and will continue to do so at your expense. Don’t give her any cannon fodder to be aimed at you.
Keep your distance and maintain strong boundaries with this one.” bluepvtstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a brat. Her parents made her this way and you can clearly see that by how quickly they rise to fight her battles for her, instead of taking a moment to read the situation and trust the adult family member here.
She clearly bosses them around and manipulates them and they obviously keep falling for it.” ripecantaloupe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepdaughter is manipulative. But she’s only 10, and her behavior is typical. Her parents should not be accommodating her. If I were you, though, I wouldn’t take her to work with me no matter how much she begs.” General_Relative2838
18. AITJ For Expressing My Feelings To My Mom About Feeling Less Valued?
“I am a teenage girl and was born when my mom was 18. I see my dad like 3 days a year at Christmas. My dad doesn’t want me as much as he wants his other kids but I try not to take it personally.
My stepdad (been in my life since I was 5) is really nice to me, but I don’t think he would care if I didn’t exist, but he makes my mom and little brother (my mom’s and stepdad’s bio kid) so happy and does a lot for me, and for that, he means everything to me.
My mom’s pregnant again and this time I get a little sister!! I’m just a little nervous, but my stepdad hasn’t said anything about having his “first” daughter, so I really do appreciate him being sensitive to me, even though I don’t think he considers me to be his daughter.
My mom is excited for another daughter too, and has been shopping for clothes and putting together a nursery with me, because I am really good at art and am painting a mural for my sister.
She keeps saying things to me like “I am so grateful to be able to give all this to the baby that I wasn’t able to give you” and that she is blessed that she doesn’t have to do it alone, and that she’s really excited to see my stepdad be a dad again.
I know I am being selfish so please don’t think low of me because Ofc I want my mom to be happy, but when she says things like this, I feel like I am worth less and that I am a burden. And then I feel bad for feeling bad because I want my mom to have a good life, and she at least stuck around because she could have left me like my dad did.
Painting is really therapeutic to me so I’ve been hiding away painting the nursery. At dinner today, my mom asked me why I’ve been so quiet and I told her about my feelings, and she got sad and my stepdad had to comfort her. I told her that I love her and was so grateful that she is my mom and for all that she’s done for me, but she was still upset.
I feel like the jerk because I knew she would get sad when I told her my feelings but told her anyway. I think that hurting someone’s feelings on purpose is the worst thing you can do, but I know it’s important to be honest so I am really conflicted. Can you guys tell me, and if I am being one, I will make my mom and stepdad breakfast in bed to make it up to them and finish the nursery at night to surprise them.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, this is probably the nicest thing I’ve read. You have a loving family (aside from the stepdad’s aloofness?), but they hurt you, and you expressed your feelings. Nobody lost their temper, nobody threw anybody out of the house, nobody invalidated your feelings; you were hurt and your mom was hurt but everyone just talked about it, at least so it seems?
This is how it’s supposed to go. If that’s how it went, NTJ. Not everything is going to be easy in complicated families, and it sounds like everyone is doing their best. Good on you all.” annrkea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother needs to hear this from you.
Her words are knives in your soul. She is basically saying that this child is going to get a better version of her than you got. These statements come from a place of insecurity and doubt. She feels that she could have done more for you and likely feels like a failure for the life she was able to give you, BUT that doesn’t excuse saying these things out loud where you can hear them, because she is making you feel less.
She is the adult here. You should express how you feel, even if it makes her feel bad. She needs to remember that you still need her to do her best with you. She doesn’t get to have a do-over with her newest daughter and not continue to do her best for you.
If she tries to turn this around on you, ask for family therapy for the two of you.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! No one here is. You love your family and they love you, it can’t be stressed enough. You are not a burden, based on what you’re doing for the baby already says quite the opposite.
However, it sounds like you feel guilty for being born when your mother wasn’t as well off. Try to remember that you are very important to her and none of it is your fault. I would recommend therapy if you still can’t shake the feeling, happens to the best of us.” SmartPlant7
17. AITJ For Asking My Landlord To Limit His Partner's Presence In Our Shared Space?
“I’m 22F currently living with other roommates, but one of my roommates (29M) is technically the landlord because he owns the property and rents out his 2 spare beds. I’ve been living here for about 3 months and I think he’s been seeing his partner for a bit longer, last time I talked to my room-lord he mentioned her and his past roommates so I assume she was there then.
I have an issue with the amount of time his partner spends at our place. For the most part, she hangs out in his room with him or eats dinner with him, but I’ve been feeling like I can’t even feel like it’s my home without seeing her.
She uses our common spaces, but this became a real issue when I started seeing her using his workstation last summer. She worked from home while he ran errands for a few hours, so I would wake up and see her in our living room doing work without him, and I would feel like I couldn’t even be at home.
Here’s where I’ve been told I’m a jerk. I recently called a roommate meeting with my landlord, and we were the only ones who attended. My other 2 roommates were not there. But basically, I told my landlord that we were all uncomfortable with how often his partner is there, and told him it felt unfair that she was using our spaces.
I guess he talked to her because she hasn’t been over in a bit. My other roommate, who I would consider a friend because we share a double room, commented on her disappearance and I told her that I worked it out. She then got upset that I lied and said she was uncomfortable when she wasn’t.
She also said it wasn’t our place since it wasn’t really our house. I said she was using our resources, but then my RM pointed out that our rent doesn’t include utilities. I still feel like I had a right to ask for my privacy though, even though she wasn’t using my paid-for utilities.
My other roommate also said I shouldn’t have spoken for them.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why did you lie about the other roommates being uncomfortable with her being there? Was she being annoying or disrespectful or were you just bothered by her presence itself? If there was no reason other than her just being there, you probably shouldn’t be in a roommate situation at all.” Atzima
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You implicated others in your lie for your own selfish reason. You really come off self-centered, kind of amazed your landlord is appeasing you.” oregondude79
16. AITJ For Losing My Cool With My Daughter After She Refused To Help While I Was In Pain?
“Some background…. We have 4 children (16f, 14m, 12, 7).
It started with me having tooth pain last Monday and my spouse was out of town on a mandatory company business trip. I called the only dentist in my area that my insurance covers and the earliest appointment they had was Friday morning.
So I asked my oldest (16) if she could help me out if I needed it and she said ‘no problem’.
Fast forward to Wednesday. I’m in so much pain that I can’t even talk and I can barely get any sleep. That’s when the problems start.
I asked her to please fix spaghetti for dinner, I had just stocked the fridge over the weekend and meal prepped for the week, so she just had to warm up the sauce and boil the noodles and she blew up. She started yelling ‘why does she have to do it, it’s not her responsibility’.
I couldn’t talk so I typed out ‘I asked you if you could help out on Monday, you said yes, so can you please do it and stop yelling, my head hurts’. She stormed off, yelling more and more and started slamming doors, you could hear her tossing things around her room and even feel the walls shake, all while muttering.
She didn’t help and she didn’t interact with anyone in the house the whole night. What should’ve taken 10 minutes, took 30 because my head was killing me and I couldn’t stop crying. When my second oldest (14) was done with his homework, he walked into the kitchen and told me to go sit down, that he’ll finish up and not to worry.
I went to go lay back down.
Fast forward to Friday, my spouse was already back home and went with me to the dentist. I had a cracked tooth and the start of an infection. I had to get my tooth pulled, a bone graft, and stitches.
They gave me Tylenol 3 and sent me on my way.
The very next day, our oldest (16f) walks in the room and asks my spouse to ‘rub her stomach because she was having cramps’ at which I’m not going to lie, I saw red. I told her to ‘get out of our room with that nonsense.
You didn’t have an ounce of sympathy for me when you saw me in tears over how much pain I was in but you want your stomach rubbed over cramps? Get out and don’t come back’.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YIKES. Ok, so there is a LOT to unpack here.
I can’t say I blame you for losing your cool after her abhorrent behavior but the fact that she acts this way at this age is REALLY concerning. It seems she has absolutely zero empathy skills at all, and honestly she probably needs to be in therapy.
And everyone seems to be giving her horrible behavior a pass because of possible menstrual hormones, as if that excuses her behavior??? Hormones may be a reason for her being awful but they are NOT an excuse. People don’t like men using hormones as an excuse to waive off a woman’s anger so why on earth is it ok to let it be an excuse for her terrible behavior here?
It’s not. She needs to learn how to manage these emotions. It’s not like she is going to get a free pass for chewing out a customer at a job because she is on her period, she’s gonna get fired!
On the topic of managing emotions, you need some work in that area too.
I understand that how she acted was deplorable, but your explosion of anger only solidified to her that it’s ok to lose it when you’re mad. You are leading by example and causing the trait you hate. Your anger was justified but ultimately it’s not going to help.
She won’t learn anything from that interaction other than “If they can explode in anger then so can I.” You both need therapy to help regulate your emotions.” GoddessMistyDomme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m tired over people defending children misbehaving and excusing their behavior just because they are children.
No! Children aren’t stupid, they understand. Being the bigger person here just because you are the parent and the adult only sends the wrong message to children who already are showing this type of behavior. You want empathy, show empathy, you want something give something in return.
Can’t just give children everything just because and then wonder why they turn the way they do. It’s part of teaching as well to make sure they see when their parents need help and provide it without having to be asking for it over and over.” mividatriste
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad For His Selfish Spending Habits?
“My (15F) sister (11F) and I are not on good terms with our father (47M). My mother says me and my sister aren’t nice enough to him and we should at least have a small relationship with him. We beg to differ. My parents are still married and have joined bank accounts as well as savings accounts.
My father likes to go shopping for himself all the time, sometimes spending well over 100 bucks. Money is super tight and sometimes me and my sister can’t pick out the food we want to get from the grocery store. We barely scrape by most months.
Both parents work and get home around 3-5. My father bought himself a boat, motorcycle, and tractor and has a big trailer that we haven’t used in 3-4 years. He almost never uses both the tractor and motorcycle. He has a truck that he also never uses because his work gave him a work truck so he uses that one.
My mom will never tell him no. We aren’t allowed to tell him no unless it’s like a yes or no question.
Now I told my mom I needed some new pants and my sister needed new clothes because we hadn’t gotten clothes for ourselves in about 4-5 years.
We use hand-me-downs most of the time. She told me she couldn’t afford to buy new clothes because my father went on another shopping trip for himself for his boat. Which he uses more often than anything. So I contacted my older sister 18F about us needing clothes.
She went and bought some for my little sister since I told her I could last a little bit longer than her with my clothes. She is also living with her dad (my mom’s Ex) until she gets her own place that she’s working hard for.
My mom found out and told my dad what I did. He was annoyed but that’s just him 24/7. He started an argument and I said that it was his fault and he shouldn’t complain when I was trying to help my little sister. I didn’t say anything harsh I just pointed out all his toys and how we were struggling but he wasn’t.
Throughout this all my mom always remains on his side even if he’s wrong. My mom says I was rude and that was jerk behavior.
I have 5 siblings and I grew up raising my little sister because everyone was too busy for her so I did it.
2 of my siblings have cut off my parents and I plan to do the same when I graduate. My little sister also wants nothing to do with them when she graduates. This isn’t the worst thing they have done but I really want to know if maybe we are in the wrong.
I’ll have a job in a couple of months after my birthday in February. I pay for most of my sister’s stuff and almost if not all my stuff. We also haven’t been able to properly celebrate my and my sister’s birthdays in about 5 years, her birthday is 2 days after mine.
My mom says that’s life and it happens as you get older and she says we’re too expensive, I honestly just want to be surrounded by my family for my sweet 16 but I don’t think I’ll even get that.
AITJ for calling out my Dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being let down by your parents and I’m so sorry. They deserve to be called out. Children are expensive, no doubt – but so are trucks and trailers and motorcycles!!!” Hefty_Candidate_4902
Another User Comments:
“NTJ do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, or friends you can live with?
Report your father to CPS this is child abuse. I’m so sorry for you and your little sister and bless your big sister for helping out. Your mom and father are pure 100% jerks in this. Your mom let y’all down and she doesn’t deserve you.” Cherrygrove-elk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….I am sorry this is happening to you. I can relate to this to some degree. My parents often let things like food, utilities, and other bills go but spent money on cars, clothes, and vacations because my mom hated that we were poor.
I got a car when I turned 16 so I could parent my siblings and a big deal was made of me going to college, first family member to go and they ‘paying’ for it, to find out they really just took out credit cards in my name.
They ran the cards into thousands of debt and said they could because it was for my needs and hey! now I have credit history. I would caution you to start saving money without them knowing, hiding things you buy, and start planning a way out for you and your sister.” Ok-Resource4073
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Move In With Me After She Came Out To Our Homophobic Parents?
“I (23M) have two younger sisters ‘Amanda,’ (17F) and ‘Hanna,’ (14F) who still live with our parents. My older brother, ‘Josh,’ (26M) is in the military. I have lived on my own since going to university and graduating.
Our parents aren’t great people.
They’re loving to us, but they verge on white supremacists and are blatantly homophobic. They’re also very Christian, and because of these things, we don’t keep in touch often.
About a month ago, I was having lunch with Amanda and she came out to me as lesbian.
I told her I was proud of her and asked her if she had told anyone else. She said she didn’t want to tell Hanna because she’s a fair bit younger, and wanted to tell Josh in person. She also said she wanted to tell our parents but was scared of their reaction.
Since this is her last year in school, I advised her to wait until she was an adult with an income before telling them. I pointed out that since they’re very homophobic, she might be kicked out of the house. She asked if, if she told them, she could live with me or Josh.
First, no, she can’t live with Josh because he’s in the military. As for me, I gently but firmly said no. I have a limited income, a tiny flat, and I don’t have the money or time to properly care for her. I again advised her to wait until she graduated to tell them.
She said that was probably a good idea, and we finished lunch without discussing it further.
Last night, I got a call from Amanda, who was at a friend’s house. She said she had decided to tell them because she didn’t want to live like someone she wasn’t and asked if she could stay at mine.
I was upset, but tried to stay calm. I told her that I stood by what I said before and that she can’t live with me.
She started crying and told me I wasn’t accepting her and that I was just as bad as our parents before hanging up on me.
I felt like a terrible brother but that being said, I had previously told her she couldn’t live with me and she only has another term at school before she graduates and can figure herself out without being completely dependent on our parents.
I’m a bit stuck on what to do here, so AITJ, or am I morally fine?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her you couldn’t help her – you can’t give what you don’t have. As much as it sucks that she’s kicked out, it was her decision to come out now instead of wait. Please help her to get in touch with organizations that support LGBTQ+ / queer youth and provide housing so she can finish school.” TiniestGhost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You warned her that you could not financially support her if your parents kicked her out. Being unable to care for someone doesn’t make you the jerk for not doing so. I can’t blame her for not wanting to hide who she is from your parents.
There is nothing wrong with being honest with people you love, so she is not the jerk for coming out. This is a very tough situation and I can understand why she is upset. Even if she was warned, she probably thought she could depend on you to take her in if she REALLY needed it, but if you can’t then there is nothing you can do about it.
Your parents are the jerk in this situation for the very obvious reasons.” dave7243
13. AITJ For Asking To Take My Son On Vacation Without Checking His Schedule First?
“When I (26F) was 19 I gave birth to a boy named Alex, he’s 7 now. I didn’t bond with him at all when he was a baby and even though I loved him more than anything, my life was ruined and his would be too.
I was failing my classes, I couldn’t work and I couldn’t afford babysitting. I gave Alex up to my mom and stepdad and they’ve raised him as their own ever since.
My mom and stepdad took on the role of grandparents and while I wasn’t there for Alex as a baby, he knows me as mom which I am so thankful that my mom allowed. Thankfully my parents are tech savvy so I was able to video call with him every night.
My grades went good, I have a degree, a good job and am in a relationship I hope will lead to marriage. My fiance Jacques (30M) knows how important Alex is to me even though he doesn’t live with me and isn’t being raised by me.
My parents still have guardianship over Alex but he’s started spending a weekend every month at my place. But we still video call good morning, after school, and good night every day. Yesterday, Jacques surprised me with tickets to go with him to his cabin in Ontario for a week.
Jacques really likes Alex and wants to get to know him better. Jacques is really impressed by how smart Alex is and thinks he could get him into the local private school he teaches at. But I’ll admit that Alex doesn’t really know him even if he’s told me he thinks he’s cool.
I know I can’t force love but if Jacques didn’t respect my son even if I’m not raising him I never would be with him. But I also don’t feel I can get married unless Alex is okay with it either.
So I asked Jacques if he could get a third ticket so Alex could come with us and he agreed right away even though it’d cost more.
I called my mom and stepdad and asked if I could take Alex on vacation after Christmas since he’ll be off school for the next two weeks. My mom didn’t seem that enthusiastic about it. My stepdad pretty angrily told me that he, my mom and Alex already had plans for that week and that they did not want to cancel them and that he was really upset and hurt by me asking without even thinking they had something going on.
He told me to go and sort out my priorities before phoning them back.
I talked to a friend of mine after that who I appreciate for being blunt and she told me it was a jerk thing to ask because I didn’t focus on Alex enough to even know that he and my parents might have plans.
And I’ve felt super terrible about it since because I don’t want to be taking my parents for granted. I told Jacques and he told me I wasn’t wrong to ask since I wasn’t demanding anything and that my friend was wrong for saying that I was a jerk but I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – but only a teeny tiny bit. You should have asked if Alex was available before just making plans on a time that he wasn’t scheduled to be with you. It’s not a big deal, you’re by no means the biggest jerk I’ve seen here, but..
you should have asked if he was available from his guardians before you just up and made plans for him.” peithecelt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking at all. I think your parents may be getting worried that you’ll want custody of your son if you settle down with your partner.” Peasplease25
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, a tiny bit. Huge props to your parents for stepping in. Huge props to you for recognizing where you were in life then and looking out for Alex. And huge props to you for wanting Alex to be an important part of your life.
There are three different realities and you initially focused on only the first one.
The first reality is the relationship you are building with Alex, you wanted to further that relationship with him and Jacques, in a way that was thoughtful as it relates to the trip (not the new school).
Another reality is that of your parents. They have stepped in and essentially served as his parents (I think of him as having three parents). They may have already had plans that were important to them. Or that Alex was super excited about. Or both.
They might also have concerns about not really knowing Jacques. And the idea of a brand new school? Now we are talking about a very major change for young Alex. Their concern is that you aren’t thinking of others when coming up with this plan.
That is both fair and unfair. You were thinking about how you and Jacques can best get to Alex better and have a great time. But you weren’t thinking of the alternative your parents had planned. That would have been a great conversation starter — what do you have planned with Alex?
Finally, Alex. The true innocent in all of this. From his perspective, he might have been super excited about the cabin. Or super disappointed not to spend Christmas with your parents. The idea of a new school might cause great sadness (often) or great excitement (rarely).
An alternative would have been to try and figure out something that involves all five of you. Finally, I encourage individual therapy here. Truly, AITJ is not where you want to go for advice on navigating competing views on interactions with the custodians of your child.” tropicaldiver
12. AITJ For Encouraging My Son To Delay Marriage For College?
“I (f50s) have 2 sons, Dan (m22) and Sam (m27). Dan started seeing ‘Fran’ in their junior year. Towards the end of senior year, Dan came to me and said he wanted to marry Fran.
At the time, Dan had multiple college options which he was going to decline to stay in our town and marry Fran. I obviously didn’t support this, I wanted my son to go to college and knew he wanted that too as he’d always been ambitious.
I told my son that he had his whole life ahead of him and he could get married later, but didn’t need to rush it. I told him that if he went to college and waited, even just a year or two, I’d pay for his tuition.
At the time I didn’t know how serious their relationship was as they’d been together for a little over a year, and was scared it wouldn’t work out and he’d waste this opportunity. My son happily accepted this offer and agreed with me that it would be best to wait.
This year my son graduated college but maintained a long-distance relationship with Fran, and they announced their engagement a couple of months ago. We were all ecstatic about it. Sometime between then and now, my son told Fran that I was the reason he waited until now to propose.
I wasn’t aware until Christmas when during dinner, Fran said she wanted to say something. She began saying I paid my son to not marry her and actively tried to ruin their relationship. She then said she was blessed that ‘evil hadn’t won’ and couldn’t wait to have a long and happy marriage.
Everyone was silent and didn’t really know what to say. My son approached me later to apologize and said she had twisted his words but it’s been constantly weighing on my mind as friends and family present all have different opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what Fran did was extremely inappropriate and a huge red flag.
If I were your son, I’d be very cautious now with marrying her. What you did was the right thing. We’ve all been there at 18 and in love and willing to give up our whole futures for “the one”, but statistically those relationships never work out and 18-year-olds tend to have a very naive view of the world.
You simply wanted what’s best for your son, which is to continue on to college and be set up with the best future ahead for his life. You didn’t ask him to break up with Fran, and if she truly loved him and cared for him, she would understand why this was the right thing to do.
Not only did she twist your wanting the best for your son as “evil”, but she also pitted herself against you as someone who does not support their relationship which is not true. If they continue with the relationship, I can see Fran causing a lot more drama between your son and his family.” sour_lemons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You only wanted what was best for your son, and given how ‘Fran’ is acting with a few more years of maturity, I can’t fault you for having reservations about him rushing into marriage with her. It honestly sounds like she thrives on dramatics, and her use of hyperbolic language suggests to me that her assessment that she’s going to have a long and happy marriage is a little presumptuous.” Old-Poet6587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that your son didn’t clear the air when she announced that shows what your future will be like with your DIL. You are now going to be known as the evil MIL and your grandchildren will most likely know you for that too.
You advised him to go on a certain path so he could ensure his future is set with his partner, you didn’t tell him to separate with her. I don’t see a part anywhere here where you actively tried to ruin their relationship unless you omitted something where you attempted to have them separate while they were long-distance.
You need to ensure your son clears this up ASAP or get ready to be the evil MIL.” kingshwarma
11. AITJ For Going On A Skiing Trip I Was Uninvited From Due To False Accusations?
“My friends and I planned a skiing trip for earlier this month. I was uninvited last minute because the wife (Caroline) of my friend (Lucifer) has been telling the group that I’ve been trying to sleep with her husband, which has resulted in the group freezing me out.
The truth is that me and Lucifer have known each other our whole lives. Our families are very close and my dad is his godfather so we spend a lot of time around each other. He is also my boss. However, before he became my boss and before he started seeing Caroline we did used to have a friends-with-benefits arrangement which only a few people know about.
He clearly didn’t think it was something his wife should know about but she found out recently and has spun our past into me trying to steal her husband.
I was really excited for the trip and everything was booked already and I would’ve lost my money, so I decided to make my own arrangements so that I could still go.
We had an overlapping schedule so I saw my friends during the trip. When Caroline realized I was there, she and Lucifer left early. This ended up causing a huge inconvenience for some of my friends since right after the trip, they were all supposed to go and spend time at Lucifer’s vacation home, but since they left early that was canceled and they had to make alternative travel arrangements.
I thought since they had left it would be fine for me to just hang out with my friends like normal but some of them were very angry at me (mostly those whose travel plans had to be changed). I was told by some friends showing up made me look desperate (I feel like this is a great time to mention I went because I was excited for the trip and not for Lucifer like his wife probably assumes) and others said I never should’ve come.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, if there’s actually nothing going on between you and Lucifer (also Lucifer, what?), then NTJ for sure. Freezing someone out of a friend group due to jealousy and paranoia is awful. But that’s if there’s nothing going on between you two.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go with ESH on this one. Yeah it sucks that they all froze you out, but essentially forcing yourself on them on this skiing trip wasn’t the right move. You should have realized that at best it was going to be very awkward for you to show up and that there would be potential ramifications” gherbi2356
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Partner For Bringing Gluten To Our Gluten-Free Christmas Dinner?
“I (25F) volunteered to cook the Christmas Dinner for my family yesterday. My parents are getting older, so I would feel guilty sitting back whilst they did all the work! Also, we have the added complication of my partner (32M) being celiac. I’m used to cooking for us both and making sure everything is safe and gluten-free.
Me and my family are also all veggie/vegan.
My sister (20F) and her partner (21M) have been in a relationship for a few months. He doesn’t have a great relationship with his family, so we invited him to join us for the holidays.
We’d not met him before this.
So a couple of days before Christmas, my sister rang me, saying her partner had been complaining about being ‘forced’ to have meat/gluten-free dinner. I told her that he was more than welcome to bring something for himself and that I’d be happy to cook it for him, but asked if he could please not bring anything with gluten in, as it could make my partner really ill.
Anyway, cut to yesterday and I cook the duck he brought first and leave it to rest. Pretty much the whole time he was lurking over my shoulder, smirking, and making comments about how ‘it must be weird to go back on my values’. I told him that I didn’t mind and that I used to cook some meat stuff for my partner before he went veggie, as long as he bought it with his own money.
Ten minutes before I was about to plate up (the most stressful time) he comes back into the kitchen, saying he’s starving as the food’s taking too long, and wants to eat some of his duck. Obviously I was a bit irritated as it was literally the worst timing, but said okay.
He was about to leave the room, when I saw he’d put the duck in a small baguette. I asked where he’d got it from and he said he’d brought it with him.
I panicked and flew around the kitchen, cleaning up all the crumbs he’d made and throwing away any food that wasn’t covered. I was so stressed out and close to tears – my partner wasn’t diagnosed with coeliac disease until his late 20s and his digestive system is in a bad way.
His doctors have said the next gluten incident could put him in the hospital – with him possibly needing to have a stoma bag for the rest of his life.
We finally sit down to dinner and my family all thank me for cooking. My sister’s partner chimes in, saying that he helped cook.
Well, I completely lost it. I told everyone that not only did he not help, he risked harming my partner by bringing gluten into the kitchen. Everyone was horrified, especially my sister, who had no idea he’d brought the bread. He refused to apologize and said he didn’t realize what the big deal was, which resulted in him getting chewed out by my Mom and Dad.
He ate, excused himself, and holed up in my sister’s room for the rest of the night.
I feel like I might be the jerk for blowing up at him in front of everyone, especially since he went home this morning, telling my sister he ‘didn’t feel welcome here’.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have celiac disease and it’s deadly serious. That partner was so selfish and made some real unpleasant remarks. He’s a jerk. I hope this showed your sister the light.” Lurker_the_Pip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were incredibly clear about gluten and baguettes so obviously contain gluten. He knew that and did it deliberately. I also wonder if he has a bad relationship with his family bc he behaves this way or they are this way as well and HE doesn’t like it but dishes it out anyway.
On top of that, he was just rude the entire time YOU were accommodating him and making snide comments. He clearly wasn’t interested in being appreciative or accommodating. Your sister should break up with him.” Active_Win_3656
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he sounds like a real jerk.
No one “forced” him to have a gluten/meat-free dinner, he accepted an invitation to a dinner at someone else’s home and that’s what y’all were having. You had already gone above and beyond being accommodating by cooking his duck, and had no reason to tolerate him stealing your credit for cooking the meal (especially since it sounds like him getting crumbs everywhere caused you to have to throw out food you’d just made).
Ignoring your request not to bring gluten since it could harm your SO shows that he’s incredibly disrespectful of other people.” DeerStalker013
9. AITJ For Exposing My Brother's 'Nice Guy' Rant And Ruining His Social Life?
“My parents are livid with me right now and my brother is playing the victim to anyone who will listen and I just need to know if I’m in the wrong.
My brother is a typical “nice guy” I would say, despite hiding it quite well to most. He’s not an incel (yet) but he has told me incelish things multiple times.
He constantly complains to me and other friends (he and I are in multiple discord servers together) about how women will never go for him because he’s “The safe guy.” And has even told me multiple times that guys like him are for “women in their 30s once they’ve popped out a few of Chad’s kids.” Online he acts like this all the time but he hides it incredibly well in real life, at least until recently.
He’s always had a hard time finding women to go out with him, especially since heading off to college. He’ll tell me all the time that I would never understand how a guy like him feels being treated like dirt by girls. From what I can tell, recently he’s been getting much more aggressive with the women he meets, and his TikTok is filled with him ranting about girls at his school that won’t go out with him.
Well, a few days ago he posted a chat log on a private server and lost it. Went off on a huge rant about a girl he had been “giving everything” to and saying she was only using him because she knew she could string him along.
How did she string him along? She had been friendly with him this semester, was having trouble, and asked if he could explain a homework assignment to her. He then shot his shot and was turned down.
He made a vague TikTok rant complaining about being used by a girl and strung along with the promise of “something more” and warned guys not to do anything for any girl who asks for help in college.
I made a response to him with just me laughing and showing the screenshots of his discord meltdown and called him a loser.
Somehow though, a classmate of his found my response and shared it with the girl he was texting. And from there, it went viral on his campus.
My parents are livid at me for this, claiming I ruined his social life and cyberbullied him. My brother has banned me from all his servers and has gone on a rampage claiming that I ruined his life.
I feel really bad about this. I removed the TikTok but it got mirrored and people are still making fun of him.
Despite the fact I feel bad, I don’t think I was wrong for doing this. I wish it didn’t go viral but I feel like something like this was coming anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your brother is anything BUT the nice guy. Women generally don’t go out with guys for many reasons.
His sense of entitlement is most likely the cause of his lack of having a partner. He is his own problem when it comes to girls. Yes it wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but you didn’t intend for his college ‘friends’ to find it.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is free to say what he likes, but he is not free from the consequences of what he says. And honestly, researchers have shown that the best way to deprogram “incels”, racists, and other groups like white supremacists is to call them out on it.
When people live in an echo chamber, their behavior becomes worse. Hopefully, he learns from this that actions are more valuable than putting up a “nice guy” act.” Safe-Amphibian-1238
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother isn’t a nice guy. He’s an entitled jerk. If he’s not an incel, he’s incel-adjacent.
It’s very frustrating when people get mad at you for sharing someone’s bad reactions to things…and not get mad at those who had those bad reactions themselves. You didn’t ruin anything about his social life. He’s in the process of doing it himself, by believing that women owe him affection for some dumb reason or another.
May I recommend buying him a fedora for Christmas?” FerroMancer
8. AITJ For Keeping Our Pregnancy A Secret And Surprising My Family With A Baby On My Mom's Birthday?
“When my wife and I found out we were expecting, we decided to keep the entire pregnancy a secret until the baby was born. It was mainly because my wife didn’t want to “jinx” it as she does have some health issues that could possibly lead to a misarrange or even stillbirth and being my father’s son I am big on long-planned surprises.
When we were ready to introduce our baby daughter to the family, I realized that my mom’s birthday is in a few weeks and she absolutely adores babies and has often told us that she can’t wait for my brother and me to give her grandchildren.
Since the restrictions were picking up and everyone was taking necessary precautions and working from home, we volunteered to have the party in our backyard. We only invited our immediate family and my in-laws. Well everything went amazing, my wife and I were able to go inside and check on our daughter frequently since we were playing hosts and use the phone monitor to keep an eye on things.
Finally came the time for gifts, we went last out of courtesy and gave my mom a funny grandma t-shirt and everyone was so excited that we were gonna have a baby and while my wife was being congratulated I snuck upstairs to get her.
So when my wife asked my mom how excited she was, my mom said she can’t wait and well I couldn’t have gotten a better cue so I made my entrance showcasing our daughter telling her she doesn’t have to. This is where the room basically got divided. My parents and father-in-law were over the moon.
My brother was pretty happy but my sister-in-law (brother’s wife) and my mother-in-law were visibly not happy.
While my mom basically took our daughter and refused to let others even see her properly, both women came to us and told us how it was wrong of us to hide the baby and the pregnancy.
My SIL basically told us how we were bad people to make mom’s birthday all about us and our baby and how it just upstaged everyone’s gifts and efforts. My MIL was upset because she wanted to do certain traditions with my wife during her pregnancy which she wouldn’t get to do now.
My wife and I tried to explain our reasonings and even told my MIL that we may have another child in a few years if we decide to have 3.
After the party, my mom texted me that it was the best gift ever and we announced it officially and again got a mixed response with some friends calling me crazy (in a good way) for being able to keep this a secret (Had baby fever since 19) while some were offended that we didn’t trust them enough to disclose this.
A few of my wife’s friends were upset because they didn’t get the opportunity to throw a baby shower and other stuff. Although my wife and I don’t think we did anything wrong, the mixed response has gotten us worried that we may have ruffled a few feathers unnecessarily.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given “world circumstances” and the medical issues you mentioned, not doing all those traditional gatherings was the safest thing, and keeping it quiet was probably literally the only way to avoid the demands to do unsafe social things without being actively rude to people for months during a global situation.” bloodfeier
Another User Comments:
“The people who are saying NTJ all have valid points. And I mentally understand and can even agree with them but emotionally I keep thinking YTJ. You have unnecessarily hurt a lot of your family and friends. In particular you made the new baby a gift to your mother.
Is your wife’s mother not also a grandmother? By making the announcement about your family, you’ve effectively slapped your wife’s family in the face. Maybe I’m empathizing with your in-laws too much but I’d want to push you under a bus (metaphorically speaking) too if I was put in that position.” 8kijcj
Another User Comments:
“I want to say no jerks here – your kid, you decide. But if she knew her mom would be hurt – which she obviously was – that was not a great way to go about it. Someday your daughter may grow up and leave you to find out important things about her life as essentially a bystander.
Basically, you told wife’s mom that she wasn’t important enough to her daughter to be asked about anything or support her daughter through pregnancy and early days of baby or even find out before second cousin twice removed. You have publicly announced to mom and everyone else that she and her daughter are not close.
I would be devastated if any of my kids did this. Your family might find it funny – your wife’s did not. Likely there will be a permanent rift of hurt feelings there since you won’t apologize. Not that they won’t love grandbaby but they’ll always know you and wife don’t love or respect them or consider them important people in your lives.
And then to top it off – you publicly presented the baby as your mom’s and only your mom’s gift leaving the other grandma and grandpa and family out completely not even able to hold or see the baby because your mom had “her” gift. That last part tips it to YTJ.
To you it was a joke – to your inlaws, it was their daughter and her husband utterly rejecting them as family members. Your kid, you decide but their reactions are very reasonable and actually pretty understated. Your MiL is devastated and they barely said anything.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother After He Brought A Stranger Home While Babysitting My Son?
“I don’t know if I made the right decision and I still have time to reverse it. I don’t want what is TECHNICALLY right, I know I can kick anyone out of my house who is an adult and not paying rent.
I just want to know if I was a jerk for this.
My brother was supposed to be watching my son (3 years old) while I was visiting family. He sent me these weird texts right before I got home until he called and explained to me he had a friend come over, but she started acting really crazy and hasn’t left.
When I got back home, the girl was still there, CRYING. I tried to talk to her but she wasn’t saying anything that made sense. My brother said he didn’t do anything to her, they started hanging out and then she started freaking out.
I ended up driving her home in her car and she explained things a little more to me, but not why she was so upset. She did say she just met him on a social app, and I told her I couldn’t believe she talked a little bit with a guy on a social app and just…went to his house?
I tried to give her a safety talk but she just told me she wasn’t in the right state of mind at the time which confirmed her problem wasn’t my brother.
I told my brother I couldn’t believe he brought a stranger over when my son was there and he said he was asleep the whole time.
I said I didn’t care, you can’t bring strangers over ESPECIALLY for hanging out when he’s supposed to be looking after my son. Then I said having a stranger over is dangerous and he said she’s an eighteen-year-old girl (he’s 20, not a creep), it’s not like bringing a grown man over.
He did that “I’m sorry for trying to have a personal life” thing and I told him he’s leaving by the end of the week.
This morning I honestly feel pretty bad but instead of apologizing to me he’s just avoiding me.
Which is making me not want to go back on what I said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow, that’s very irresponsible. He agreed to watch your son, he can have his personal life of hookups on his own time.” LuluLucy-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s hard to say which part is worse, bringing a stranger into a house with a young child, distracting himself with a friend while he was supposed to be paying attention to the kid’s wellbeing and safety, or whatever he may have done to that young woman.
The fact he’s trying to guilt trip you rather than accepting responsibility is a sign he has not learned from his mistake. The only possible scenario in which he could be NTJ would be if he hadn’t actually agreed to babysit.” Sk111W
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he endangered your son! I don’t care if she’s 18, she was having a minor nervous breakdown in your house. What if she had started trashing the place, or was trying to rob your brother (it happens), or was on substances? The fact that he’s not the least bit sorry means it could happen again.” marla-M
6. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend She's Not Equal To My Fiancé?
“I am 28F and engaged to a great man the same age as me. We’ve been together since we were 16 and got engaged at 24, 4 years ago.
I have a best friend, Angela, who’s also 28.
Angela has barely grown out of the high school mentality. She still acts like she did back then, clubbing every weekend, hooking up, always out with friends, new and old. She never had a partner, she only has had situationships so she doesn’t know how commitment works.
I don’t judge her for that since she seems fine with her life and I’m happy that my friends are being themselves and I get to be myself despite having different interests.
Lately, I had my suspicions that Angela believes that she still comes before my fiancé, just because we were each other’s #1 priority in high school.
I tried to slip in multiple times, without being confrontational that my fiancé and I are gonna be a family soon and how he’s my priority and so on, just to get the message across without having some uncomfortable conversation. She didn’t seem to get it though.
And something dramatic ended up happening.
Angela’s birthday was 2 days ago and she planned on having a celebration tomorrow night. The place she picked was a club with male dancers. I texted her and told her I wouldn’t feel comfortable attending because clubs like those cross my and my fiancé’s boundaries.
It’s not because we don’t trust each other but we just don’t feel comfortable with that in our relationship. Anyone who knows about this boundary has told us it’s a normal boundary. Angela said that I would be stupid to imply that I’ll skip her birthday.
I said that we could hang out the two of us some day and go for drinks but I just don’t feel comfortable attending a club. She said “But I’m your best friend. You’re not gonna skip your best friend’s birthday, are you?”
I said sadly I’ll skip it but I insisted on an alternative for another day.
She got disappointed and said she didn’t expect me to ever put a man’s needs over our friendship. I reminded her he’s my fiancé. She argued that him being a fiancé of mine doesn’t mean he deserves special treatment over her. I told her that’s exactly what that means and I reminded her that she’s not equal to my fiancé anymore in such situations because he’s the person I’m gonna marry and have a family with and he’s my #1 priority.
I probably shouldn’t have said that because she claims I’m a jerk and I replaced her when I used to have her as my #1. I apologized for that phrasing and tried to explain what I meant but she wasn’t having it and said I should go cry to my fiancé and she doesn’t need my fake apology.
I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, I just felt like she was pushing me and had a one-sided competition with my fiancé and I said that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set a mutually agreed-upon boundary, and you’re following it. If she can’t understand and respect that, she’s not your friend.
Many people would be uncomfortable having a birthday in a club like that, not just you. If she truly didn’t consider that when she made the decision, that’s her fault. Also, she was the one who pushed you to prioritize between her and your fiance.
If she wasn’t going to be happy with your response, she shouldn’t have put you in that position.” GrymDraig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You two are growing up, it’s life and it happens. How we handle it is up to us. By the sounds of it, you are a good and supportive friend.
Even though the dynamic is changing you are still there for them. Just remember they may not see it that way. All you can do is try your best to remind them they are still important to you but there are boundaries. Hope this helps and best of luck.” blackraz
Another User Comments:
“ESH – this is not about your fiancé being #1 over your best friend, it’s about the fact that your priorities have shifted. You have a boundary that you made (with your fiancé) about going to clubs. You don’t feel comfortable. Your best friend has decided that what she wants is more important than your boundaries, and that’s not okay.
She’s a jerk for making this about your relationship with your fiancé and trying to compete. Friendships and romantic relationships are not the same thing, you can’t judge them using the same criteria.
Why I’m saying ESH and not NTJ is because you also are making this about your fiancé.
It’s not. It’s about a boundary that you have in place. You are also comparing/rating the relationships and stating that one is more important than the other. This will hurt your relationships going forward. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years, together for more than a decade.
I’ve been friends with my best friend for over 20 years. Neither one of them is “more important” than the other. There are times when my friend takes priority, and there are times when my husband does. Your best friend has different priorities in life than you do, and that can make it difficult to maintain the friendship unless you are both willing to understand and make room for these conflicting priorities.
Right now, that doesn’t seem feasible.” chiterkins
5. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Contribute To Our Mother's House Repairs?
“My mother only has one asset, her house. She doesn’t have enough savings to bankroll her retirement. My wife and I pay for it. My wife is a doctor, so she makes great money and we can afford to take care of her. We have been sending her about 2K a month for 5 years now, we also take care of any incidental/emergency expenses.
We have also covered all major house repairs and I have never asked for my sister to contribute as she is not as well off as we are.
My mom wanted to get her finances in order and she asked me to help. She talked about wanting to get her will written.
She said she wanted to give the house to my sister. She has no other asset of note and it would mean that my sister gets almost 90% of her assets. I have always known that mom would skew the inheritance more towards her and I didn’t mind that.
My sister needs it more and we are already doing so well.
I am really upset by this. I know it is greedy to be focused on the house but it makes me feel horrible. I am the one who is always with her when she is sick and she practically cut me off the will.
My sister isn’t struggling herself. She is comfortably middle class, if she was really struggling I would have understood it.
This was about a month ago, the house needs some repairs again and my mom asked me to pay for it. I called my sister and told her that I want her to contribute to half the expenses.
I know it is petty but I don’t get why I should pay for a house which I will never get.
She talked to mom and she is upset with me for asking my sister for money and she thinks it is very petty and greedy of me to ask for money from someone who doesn’t make as much as we do when we could afford it.
I do feel like a jerk, I can understand why she is doing it and if I think about it rationally I can see why she would want to give the house to my sister but I still feel horrible about it. She also feels that I am being horrible by forcing her to pay for stuff and just dropping it on her head.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let your sister repair the house she’s going to get. You’ve paid enough already, she can take over. I’d even go so far as to issue an alternative: The house is split evenly or you stop your allowance since you get no gratitude for your family’s sacrifice.
All of these people are looking the gift horses in the mouth.” iMESSupCOMMONphrases
Another User Comments:
“You’ve been very generous taking care of your mother and helping her keep her house, but maybe it’s time for your mother to sell her house and downsize to something she can afford (or afford with less financial support from you).
Since it sounds unlikely you will get any sort of inheritance, you also should be saving for your and your spouse’s retirement to make sure you both are comfortable later in life. NTJ.” emilianajuana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have heard though, that whoever treats an elderly person the best is usually treated the worst. I saw some of this when my oldest sister was helping my great-aunt.
Also, life throws curve balls. Who knows where you might financially be in 10 yrs.” Efficient_Lobster_30
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Become My Mother's Caregiver?
“Growing up I (24F) had an emotionally abusive father – specifically to my sisters and me as we grew up. We were a family of 2 boys and 4 girls. My mother did nothing to stop him and she sat very quiet in the background of his abuse in fear he would turn on her.
One event that began his abuse was when I was just starting my period (age 11) and I went into the bathroom one evening and my father went in after me. A few hours went by, and suddenly I heard my name being called by my father.
When I come over to him I see he is holding a bin and a b****y pad. He then yells into my face “What a b***d bag you are.” And proceeds to push the bin into my arms. My father went on to shame me and my sisters for any “shameful” situations that we showed growing up such as periods, pain of some sort such as headaches, back pain, or generally any “female-related issues.” So, when I finished high school, I moved out of home and into an apartment and eventually went to therapy and relearnt to feel comfortable and unashamed for being a woman and I stopped contact with my parents.
Recently my mother has had to go into the hospital after a stroke and my father reached out to me, asking for my help with her care. As they cannot afford a full-time carer and my other siblings have already rejected my father (I am the youngest).
I know that I owe them nothing but I feel that I should help them.
On a phone call, my father said he was sorry for his treatment during my childhood and then asked if I could become my mother’s carer and that it would only be looking after her during working hours.
He said that due to circumstances it has been incredibly hard to find a nurse/carer to look after my mother while he is working and that he would possibly have to quit his job to keep up with the fees of the carer either way.
I then asked him about government support/healthcare support and he said “it does not cover everything and that my help would be a ‘God’s blessing’.”
I don’t know how to feel, I don’t want to leave my parents out to dry. But I had to go through years of therapy to recover from what my father left me with.
Currently, I have very little work as I work in the hospitality industry so work is not the issue.
Am I the jerk for not helping with my mother’s care? I don’t know how my parents will get through without a carer during the day or without an income.
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Becoming your mother’s caregiver will put you in constant contact with your childhood abuser. He hasn’t changed, it is just that now he needs something from you. Once you give up your job, move back in and take care of your mother full-time, his abusive side will return.
This is the abuse cycle. 1. Play nice. 2, Become annoyed with little things 3. Yell, scream, become abusive, 4. You threaten to leave, he apologizes, resolves issues, and then back to 1. This is what he did to your mother, and you probably didn’t witness the 2 and 3 part with her, but it was there because he has always been this way.
So he is in his nice phase because he wants to suck you in, but don’t fall for it. Kindly decline the invitation, and help out with money if you need, but don’t get sucked in.” ForwardPlenty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ don’t do it and don’t feel guilty.
Your father was abusive and your mother never helped you or your sisters when you were most vulnerable, why help her when she is? Plus, this is Australia, not America, if your father has to give up work your mum should be able to get support as well as a disability pension and your dad will collect a carers pension.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Friend Who Falsely Accused My Partner Of Abuse?
“I currently live together with my partner (Michael) of 5 years.
For the last 1 1/2 months we also hosted a good friend of mine (Caroline) who moved due to a new job but had some problems with the rental agreement. Caroline does know my partner although not very well, as we only spend a handful of outings as a group.
Now during the first few weeks everything was pretty okay in our home. Caroline took care of a chunk of housework, my partner and I worked and in the evening we would hang out together. Caroline and my partner had very little one-on-one interaction, it was pretty much always the three of us.
However, Caroline started to approach me specifically during times Michael was not around and told me “in her professional opinion, she is concerned about how Michael treats me”. For context, she is a social worker who works a lot with troubled families, spousal abuse, and the like.
I had no idea what she was referring to and when asking for examples, she only said “we will talk later”.
Well that later was last week. My mother called me to come over for some coffee but specifically asked for Michael to not accompany me.
I didn’t think too much about that, since Mom does not approve of my relationship with Michael. Anyway, when I arrived it was my Mom, my Dad, a friend of Caroline and me and Caroline. And they set up an “intervention”.
Caroline had told them that Michael is abusive, that I’m was unwilling to accept that and that it was necessary for them to help me get out of my relationship.
She brought up some examples of that “abuse” and talked about how she sees these things all the time in her job. Her examples however, were factually wrong, grossly overstated and some just… plain stupid.
The whole thing spiraled out of control, Caroline and I got into a shouting match, with my Mom supporting her.
Eventually, my Dad stepped in and I left angrily. On my way home I texted Caroline that she has three days to get out of my house. No surprise, my Mom took her in the very next day…
When Caroline showed up to get her stuff, she again began to talk to me about how she knows what she’s talking about, how I should listen to her opinion because she is a social worker and so on.
Honestly I pretty much just ignored her, however I was thinking if maybe I should at least give a short notice to her workplace. Because if she evaluates my living situation as an abusive household, based on completely nonsensical examples, while harking on and on about her professionalism, I do wonder if she has also overreacted in her workplace.”
Another User Comments:
“I might be unpopular here. As a social worker myself, it’s impossible to “turn off” everything and anything you’ve learned in your job. Now, the tough part in this is that with friends and family, there are biases, you can’t be objective.
But you can’t ask social workers (or the like) to just sit stagnant and shut up if they do see warning signs in friends and family. They have personal lives that they are allowed to live and they can still try to help people they are close to, just as anyone can.
It would be awful to watch a friend be abused (not saying you are, just making a general statement), and I couldn’t say anything out of fear of losing my job. Anyway, it absolutely sounds as though she overstepped and I personally wouldn’t keep her as a friend.
But to go after her job seems more malicious than anything. Poor judgment with you does not mean she would have poor judgment with people she doesn’t have an attachment to. Unless there is evidence that there was some malice on her part due to bigotry.
Those are my two cents.” cfssw
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – just flat out. Like if she reported domestic violence going on then yeah, fine but don’t cross that line – it’s a personal issue, not a work issue. That doesn’t mean your friend isn’t a jerk- they clearly are.” Flaky_Fee8314
Another User Comments:
“I understand you not wanting to hurt her career but think about all the people she might be damaging with her lies. In my opinion, you should report her. If you still aren’t convinced, when you meet her, tell her she has to get out of your mother’s house and do whatever you can to get her to admit that your mother bribed her to try to manipulate you into breaking up with your partner.
If she was bribed then you should absolutely report her.” ScaleSuitable
2. AITJ For Nursing My Niece Without My SIL's Permission?
“My SIL and I gave birth around the same time this year, so we have babies of similar age, just that mine was born a month earlier than hers.
2 days ago, my brother and SIL came over for lunch with their 4-month-old. Everything was cordial between us till then.
After lunch, SIL and my brother handed over my niece to me for babysitting so that they could attend a formal event held by SIL’s extended family near my location.
During the time they were gone, my niece started crying because she was hungry. Unfortunately, we ran out of formula and don’t really rely on it in our household as I nurse my own baby most of the time.
I really did not have any other alternative except to nurse my niece which I did a few times because they were gone for quite long.
They came back and me and SIL had a casual conversation till I told her that my niece was hungry and we ran out of formula, so I nursed her.
SIL looks at me sternly with a hint of disgust and berates me for nursing my niece. I did not retaliate because I was too shocked at why she would be so agitated when all I did was feed her child. If I had formula I would have used it for my niece but I ran out of it and it was only me, my child, and my baby niece.
How am I going to leave them alone and then run to the supermarket to buy formula? I don’t have two seater baby prams either so I can’t bring them along to the supermarket. If SIL had a preference she should have brought some formula in the baby essentials pack she passed to me.
There were only diapers, rash cream, and a pacifier in the bag she gave me, no formula powder. So am I just supposed to let my niece be hungry till they come back? I don’t know what she expected me to do.
SIL has not been attending my calls since this and honestly, I feel bad, I want to apologize but SIL has not been responding.
This got me thinking AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if your brother and SIL left you with pumped milk or formula and you went against that and nursed you’d be the jerk, but they left a baby with you for hours and didn’t leave any food for her.
Your options were to let an infant become hysterical from hunger or feed her.” Debaucherous-Me
Another User Comments:
“I’m on the fence here because it does seem wrong for someone to nurse someone else’s baby without permission. BUT it was SIL’s responsibility to pack formula for her child to make sure the child could be fed. I’ll go with ESH because there could have been communication about this prior to SIL leaving or you could have texted her to let her know.
Still, you’re a new mother with 2 babies to watch and probably exhausted.” And32012
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You for nursing a baby without permission from the mother. There are diseases that can be spread via nursing. The mother for obviously not having anything planned for their baby.” phantom_67
1. AITJ For Wanting My Adult Daughter To Move Out And Support Herself?
“I (38f) lost my job last year and since then I have been unable to find another job that pays the same amount. Found a job but have a $40k pay cut. I am selling my house and downsizing.
I have moved into my partner’s condo, which is 1100 sq ft.2 bds and 2 bths, w/ my 12 y/o but my 19 y/o has remained in the house while most of the house has been packed up. My house is 2300 sq 3 bds and 3 bth. The new space is much smaller for 4 ppl but we plan on getting a bigger place once my house has sold.
My 19y/o hardly works, she does DoorDash here and there. Always begging for money. She doesn’t know that I know but she also asks other family for money. Usually says she needs food, food delivery, and gas. These are things she should be able to afford as she has no other bills to pay.
She doesn’t want to go to college, even though her father has given her his GI bill from the military. She mainly hangs out all day and wants to become a singer and/or influencer. She doesn’t contribute to any bills. I gifted her a car last year when she turned 18 and not once has she paid her car insurance (as she promised) and has never paid the taxes on the car.
I paid mainly b/c everything is in my name. 3 months ago she asked my partner if he would pay $1500/mo for her to rent a place for a year. We told her no.
I talked to her dad and he told me that she complained that the move was out of the blue and that she just found out.
Her dad knew that this was a lie b/c I had discussions with him about my plan to downsize 6 months ago. She also asked him to pay $1500 a month for an apt for a year. He said no. She also complained to him that she does not want to share a room with her sister because she feels they don’t get along.
She asked her father’s parents if she could move in with them because of all of this. Her grandparents plan on officially declining her tomorrow; they are waiting for me to have a sit down with her first before telling her.
She lied about being pregnant in an attempt to manipulate her partner’s parents into allowing her to move in with them (they have a huge spectator home).
But that scheme blew up in her face and his parents requested she stay away from their son. She doesn’t know I know about the faked pregnancy and the convo with her dad and grandparents.
I want to tell her to move out and support herself.
She has a month to figure out what she’s going to do next. I will tell her she can join the military, just like her dad and I did, or she can go to Fla where my family lives but she will have to work; my family won’t tolerate her laying around all day hanging out.
I would also start the process of transferring the car title to her so if she fails to pay taxes or insurance, it would solely be her responsibility. She won’t get a steady job or go to school. Not using the GI Bill is leaving money on the table.
She continues to lie and doesn’t realize many of us know about it.
WIBTJ if I told her she needs to move out?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I’m going to assume you raised this child. It sounds like you are reaping what you have sown.
Your daughter obviously is a jerk for being a leech, but she didn’t magically become this way overnight. You have enabled and fostered this behavior, and now you’re shocked Pikachu that she isn’t a productive member of society at 19.” waitingforjune
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your daughter needs a reality check, although I can’t help but wonder how she became like this? Is there an undiagnosed medical/mental issue perhaps or is she just a lazy moocher? Either way, lying and trying to manipulate people makes you a con artist, and that won’t fly with strangers.
Family will only tolerate it so long as she’s about to discover. I feel a bit bad for her, however if you’ve warned her previously, then chances are, she’s no one to blame but herself. Also, you’ll want her away from the younger sister, bad influence.” DragonsLoveBoxes
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – your daughter needs to be gradually pushed into adulthood not thrust to the wind to fend for herself. My advice, tell her when you get the new place if she wants a room she’ll be paying rent, you can factor the car insurance into it.
If you want to be an A+ parent, take that money and put it into a savings account. If she actually pays you every month, she’ll have some money set aside to move out while learning how to pay bills without the consequences of permanently messing up her life in a relatively short amount of time.” Perfect-Year
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