People Request Our Response To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Uninvite My Family From My Wedding?
“My (27M) fiancee ‘Lily’ (25F) and I have been together for 3 years, and are currently planning our wedding. Lily grew up fantasizing about her future wedding, so naturally she’s very excited about it.
However, there are a few concerns I have with her attitude about the wedding. She’s become so obsessed with the planning that she gets visibly annoyed whenever I give my input on anything. It makes me really upset because this is my wedding too and I want to help plan as well.
Not only that, but she refuses to acknowledge the choices I DO make. I have no idea why, but Lily seems to absolutely despise my brother. When I asked her why she said he was just ‘really annoying’.
She absolutely freaked when I told her he was a groomsman. She told me I had to make him a normal guest because she would be uncomfortable with him there.
She said I had to choose another person to take his place because she deserves to be happy on her wedding day as well.
This resulted in a huge fight between us, and I ended up venting to my parents about my frustrations because Lily won’t listen to me about them.
Yesterday Lily and I went to dinner with them and the topic of the wedding came up. Well, to make a long story short, they all ended up yelling at each other over everything that’s happened, and my mom ended up calling Lily a controlling jerk.
Now Lily is demanding I uninvite my parents as well, but I don’t want to.
Now Lily’s mad at me, my parents are telling me to reconsider the relationship, and my brother thinks Lily’s lost her marbles.
AITJ for not wanting to uninvite my parents or brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Your mom shouldn’t have said that, but Lily’s focusing way too much on the wedding, not enough on the marriage.
I strongly recommend that the two of you press pause on the wedding for a year or two at least, time enough to get some counseling, do some talking, and figure out how to balance both your needs and get her thinking about this as something besides Lily’s Big Party.
If she has actual substantive issues with your brother, she needs to be able to voice that; if not, she needs to accept that he’ll always be an important part of your life. Rushing to the altar without resolving this may lead to a whole lot of trouble later.” MonarchOfDonuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to SERIOUSLY rethink this wedding. Your fiancee’s attitude about the whole thing is horrible, and I wouldn’t want to get hitched to someone who treated ANYONE the way she is treating you and your family. I’d have to have a serious conversation about it all because this person is showing a REALLY ugly side.
Being single is better than being married to a dictator. Yes, this is about the wedding, but this level of entitlement and control doesn’t materialize out of thin air. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” MbMinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to run fast, whilst it’s easier to do so without the hassle of getting a divorce.
Lily has shown great disrespect towards your family and seems to be self-absorbed and wants to isolate you from your family and give you zero input with issues that affect you. Whether or not this is a bridezilla moment, it is abundantly clear that Lily is showing her true colors here and you need to think long and hard about whether this is the kind of marriage you want.
First, she dictates the terms and conditions of your wedding. Next, it will be her way only of raising future kids and isolating any kids from their uncle and grandparents. This sounds like the start of coercive control and you don’t deserve to be a victim of mistreatment. Run now whilst you have easier means of doing so.” majesticjewnicorn
19. AITJ For Telling The Truth About My Stepsister's Fiancé?
“I (28F) have a stepsister, Jen (29F). Our parents got together when we were teenagers and Jen and I never clicked. I have nothing against her, we just aren’t close.
From the ages of 22-26, I worked at my stepdad’s company, and Jen worked there too and still does. While working there, I became friendly with a colleague, Pete.
Everyone in the office would joke about Pete having a crush on me, but I never saw him like that and he never said anything so I didn’t pay much attention to the possibility. However, when I started going out with my now-husband, things got a bit awkward with Pete.
When I quit my job, Pete and I didn’t really stay in contact, but we followed each other on social media. It was a few months later that I saw on Pete’s social media that he had started seeing Jen.
Pete and Jen got engaged last year, and my stepdad agreed to pay for the wedding.
A few weeks ago, an old colleague got married, so Jen, Pete, my parents, and I were all at the wedding. Pete was a little over-friendly at the reception, which I put down to drinking. Later in the evening though, I was outside getting some air and Pete came out and basically propositioned me.
I made it clear I was extremely uncomfortable and went back inside.
The next day I called Jen and told her everything. She accused me of trying to ruin her relationship and said that I shouldn’t make the whole situation worse by telling her dad, since I’d already done enough to sabotage her relationships.
I agreed because I didn’t feel I had any right to continue being a spanner in the works.
A week ago I was Skyping my parents, and they were talking about Jen’s wedding. They were talking about Pete and my face must have changed because they immediately asked if something was wrong.
I insisted it was nothing but it turned out they’d seen Pete follow me out at the wedding and had their own theories about what he’d done to upset me, all of which were worse than what actually happened. After 20 minutes of them thinking the worst, I told them the truth.
I begged them not to do anything about it since Jen and Pete worked it out, but my stepdad was livid. He called Jen and they had a huge fight, and he refused to pay for the wedding, or even attend.
Jen has been calling and texting me, and posting on social media about what a horrible person I am for ruining her wedding, and I’ve had messages from her friends telling me how awful it was for me to tell our parents after she asked me not to, and saying how I’ve basically ruined Pete’s career, etc. I’ve tried explaining that letting them continue assuming would have led to worse consequences, but apparently, I should have just been able to hide the whole thing somehow.
My friends say I did nothing wrong, but my stepdad is now not speaking to Jen, and her whole wedding has been canceled because of me, so I do feel guilty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Apparently, your sister doesn’t understand the Streisand Effect (a phenomenon in which an attempt to censor, hide, or otherwise draw attention away from something only serves to attract more attention to it).
She doesn’t want you talking about what happened between you and Pete, but she’s digging herself a hole on social media. By bad-mouthing you on social media, in front of all your friends, family, and coworkers, she’s attracting curiosity. Eventually, curious people are going to find out, and Pete is going to be thrown under the bus.
Keep out of her self-destructive behavior, ignore her, block her, and get a Ring camera at your front door. Let her dig her own grave.” BadkarmaM5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pete propositioned a married woman who is a stepsister to his fiance. Pete is very much the jerk here.
You didn’t go around blabbing.
Your parents had seen a smidge and you reassured them it wasn’t as bad as they had thought. You didn’t volunteer the story. And Jen is mad you saved her from marrying a piece of trash? Sounds like Jen is just jealous of your life and has been for a while.
You had nothing to gain from sharing this with her or the parents. You were only looking out for her which she obviously didn’t want. She probably hates that you said no to him so she’s the runner-up. And he tried again even though they are engaged. She’s mad at the wrong person.
Someone willing to do this will most likely have an affair with someone else.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Pete ruined the wedding! If anything Jen should be grateful that you told her the truth from the jump. Her being mad at you instead of Pete is ridiculous.
Plus you didn’t tell your parents anything, they put two and two together and had their suspicions. Don’t feel guilty the wedding was canceled because Pete’s a creep who Jen and her friends refuse to hold accountable. NTJ.” PravinI123
18. AITJ For Hiding My Partner's Favorite Blanket?
“I (23F) have been with my partner (24M) for 8 months. We have been living together for the past month and it’s been going great besides one weird issue that has been recently bugging me.
For a little backstory, my partner has a blanket that his dad gave him when he was a child, and ever since we first started going out I noticed that he is very close to this blanket, but it’s a lot more extreme once I started living with him and seeing him all the time besides when he’s working.
He takes his blanket everywhere, when we cuddle on the couch or bed, in the kitchen, and sometimes in the car when we go on road trips. There are times when he would cuddle with this blanket over me and it’s been bugging me. After he gets off work and comes home he will go straight and get the blanket from the bedroom.
I tried talking to him about this and he told me that I’m taking it too personally and it shouldn’t even be an issue.
He was at work yesterday, and I decided to hide his blanket in the back of the closet to see if he notices me or the blanket first. Well, he came home and noticed his blanket is missing.
He asked me what happened to it, and I said I’m not sure, and that I’m upset that he didn’t even say hi to me first. He ignored me and frantically tried looking for it everywhere and I told him, is it even that big of an issue and it’s just a blanket.
He became suspicious and asked me where it was. I gave up and ended up telling him that it was in the closet and I put it there to see if he would notice the blanket before me.
We got into an argument, and he said that a blanket shouldn’t make me insecure and he doesn’t trust me now.
He told me to leave. I left, and now I’m at my sister’s house and have been here since last night. My sister’s husband thinks I’m the jerk, and that it’s silly of me to get mad over this. I think it’s deeper than that, but I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The blanket is obviously some sort of comfort object that’s important to him. I’m not going to try to diagnose him or say it’s healthy or unhealthy, but I doubt you’re a mental health specialist with some clear plan of how to handle things so all you did was take something you knew was important to him, hide it from him, wait for him to react the way you knew he would, and then proceeded to play the victim.
Try having a real conversation with him about why it’s important to him and maybe pursue couples therapy to discuss it or individual therapy for him to talk about it with an impartial third party. Bottom line, if what you’re doing isn’t constructive in some way you’re just being a jerk.” VanillaThunder324
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re getting jealous over an inanimate object that brings him comfort and instead of either accepting it, looking into it gently, or ignoring it, you decide to intentionally cause him emotional distress just to prove something you’ve made up with your own feelings. If you want to continue being with him, which might not happen cause if someone hid something very important to me and made me fear that it was gone forever just to prove a point about their own jealousy, I’d not want to be with that person anymore, then I suggest you apologize and try your best to accept that his blanket is part of the deal. If you can’t do that, then get out of that man’s life.” ThanosWifeAkima-4848
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – for starters, everyone knows that blankets and pillows are more comfortable to cuddle than people. They’re lightweight (no dead arm) and you don’t have to worry about waking them up to reposition yourself.
He only has one blanket that he takes everywhere instead of having blankets everywhere like most blanket lovers, so having a special blanket is actually a plus.
Of course, he noticed the blanket first because you weren’t missing.
Right now he’s worried you might eventually let your jealousy get the best of you and get rid of/destroy something that obviously means a lot to him. This may sound outlandish to you, but many crazy people who get jealous of objects (or sometimes just don’t like them) do exactly that.
He’s right to be scared that you’re one of those people because that’s what you’re acting like.” Fkingcherokee
17. AITJ For Letting My Child Watch The Neighbor Mow The Lawn?
“My toddler (1.5m) and I (25f) were playing in the front yard today trying to enjoy what little sun we’d been having and get some fresh air.
We live in a cul-de-sac so we can see everyone’s front yard from ours.
The neighbor’s teenage daughter maybe around 15 years old comes out with her lawnmower and gets to work on her yard. (She lives directly across the street from us) My son loves watching the world go by, he often watches the older kids play on the street and they always interact and say hi to him.
So he runs to our fence with his little juice box and sits down in front of the gate so he can watch her mow the lawn. He wasn’t always watching her sometimes he’d just start picking the dandelions and throwing them around our yard but most of the time he’d just sit and watch quietly.
I kept my eye on him because it’s a low fence and I’d never let him play out front not supervised, I’ve read horror stories of parents letting their kids play out front and getting snatched. I was also just plotting around the garden and looking into my veg boxes to see what was growing.
She kept looking over at my son and then going back to work. I watched her walk over to my fence and she started screaming about how it was creepy my son was watching her and that I need to teach him from a young age not to stare at women or else he’ll grow up and be a creep.
I got up right away and grabbed my son and apologized and tried to say he’s just curious about what you’re doing but she kept screaming at me because she doesn’t like to be watched. I scooped my son up who was crying at this point (what baby wouldn’t cry being yelled at) and hurried to the backyard so he could play there.
She left while angrily muttering to herself about how I’m a bad mother and my son will soon be a creep.
I’m now feeling really bad about letting my son watch her mow the lawn and maybe we shouldn’t play in the front yard anymore.
So am I a jerk for letting my son sit and watch?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is a child who is just learning about the world. He’s curious and fascinated by everything. You can’t really stop him from paying attention to things and trying to figure out how the world works. No matter where you plop him down, he’s going to be looking around and trying to make sense of the world he lives in.
It’s your neighbor who has the problem. Unfortunately, she’s not going to change. What an unpleasant person! I’d teach my son how to avoid her like the plague!” Crazy_Banshee_333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, neighbor girl is either a nightmare of a human or she’s going through something concerning and lashing out.
A normal 15-year-old isn’t going to see a barely toddler-aged child watching them as predatory, and I think it’s concerning that her mind leaped to that with such vitriol.
Your son is a baby, she’s doing something with a machine that generates noise. He’s going to be transfixed! It’s just illogical to get upset about that, let alone to speak to you the way she did.
Honestly, I’d reach out to her parents and let them know what happened.” CP81818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Yikes!
First & foremost, he’s a baby! So, so little. I could maybe see her POV if he were an older child (like, puberty), but a 1.5-year-old toddler is so clearly an innocent baby that this scenario is absurd.
She could have waved politely and smiled at him like most people do when they see a toddler.
Second, you were on your own lawn minding your own business and doing nothing wrong. Your child should be allowed to play in your yard.
Third, she could have responded in other ways than this extreme overreaction.
If it was truly bothering her somehow, she could have gone inside and come back out another time when you weren’t there. She could have politely said what she felt & needed, i.e., ‘I’m sorry, but I feel like you/your son is watching me, could you please not?’ I’d still be annoyed with her and think it was strange, but at least she wouldn’t have frightened your baby.
She could have just ignored it and focused on the job.
I hope I’m wrong, but it makes me wonder if something awful has happened to her. I really can’t fathom any other way you’d connect a young, innocent toddler with creepy older male behavior unless she’s been treated quite badly by men.
I hope she’s okay and was just having a terrible day & a moody overreaction.” MissyBee37
16. AITJ For Saying My Sister Is A Gold-Digger?
“My (M29) sister (F28) came over to visit me yesterday after she had an argument with her partner (M31). She was crying to me about how he bought her artificial diamonds for her birthday even though ‘he knows how much she treasures and values genuine jewelry.’ I told her that maybe she should consider that real diamonds would be too much of a financial strain, but she seemed shocked that I would say this and kept going on.
She told me how he took her to a cheaper resort for their last anniversary, and how this example demonstrates his overall behavior showing a lack of commitment to her. I honestly was super repulsed by the things she was saying and her lack of gratitude. I asked her what she did for him for their anniversary, and she got mad at me and told me to support her instead of arguing.
I told her that her materialistic attitude towards relationships is toxic and she needs to reevaluate it because she honestly sounds like a gold-digger. She lost it at this and screamed at me and called me a massive jerk and left my house. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The truth can be uncomfortable to hear, and people generally have a hard time facing their flaws.
I do question if she’s genuinely a gold digger or if she’s struggling with insecure attachment.
Her complaint seems to be less about how he’s not good enough and more about how what he does is a reflection of how he sees her as ‘not good enough’.
To me, a gold digger is someone who is using someone else for benefits/means/advantage. So if someone is unable to fulfill their desires, then they get dropped. There’s usually some sort of power imbalance.
However, your sister is clearly hurt by this which makes me believe that she has an anxious attachment.
She has desires/expectations and engages in interpretations, if they are not fulfilled it’s a ‘sign’ about how this person doesn’t care about her. It’s usually correlated to negative beliefs about the self and difficulty receiving love, which is unhealthy both for her and the relationship.
Suggesting she see a therapist to help her work on herself might be more beneficial in the long run.” Kawaiidumpling8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is clearly a disconnect in expectations between the sister and her partner. They need to have a serious relationship talk and get on the same page about finances. It does not make someone a gold digger to want real stones in her jewelry. It is not wrong to want to go to the more expensive resort.
What it takes is compromise. If you want expensive jewelry or holiday destinations, it might mean you only get jewelry for extra special occasions because you need to save up for it. You might go on shorter holidays or only go every few years on expensive destination holidays. The guy just cheaping out instead of having a serious talk about budgets and compromise makes him as much at fault as her.
So yes, calling your sister a gold digger and blaming her instead of telling her that she and her partner need to have a serious talk makes you the jerk.” Cherry_clafoutis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Someone could gift me a handwritten card and I wouldn’t ever even consider opening my mouth and complaining, let alone crying over it.
It’s truly the thought and effort that counts.
If your partner isn’t rich enough for you and that’s what you value, do yourself both a favor and break up. This way the money the other person is so generously sharing/giving can go to someone who actually appreciates it… whether that’s themselves or someone else.
I’m a woman and I’ve always been a girl’s girl but the recent narrative being pushed on social media of ‘men only want hot chicks’ & ‘women only want money’ had done some serious damage to both sides.
It’s not always about finding the millionaire ladies… it’s about finding the man who will share $5 even when he only has $5 to share.” InteractionFirst5109
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's New Partner Around My Child?
“I (30F) am a single mom to my son, ‘Felix’ (12M). My sister, ‘Diana’ (25F) was in a relationship with her partner ‘Alex’ (25M) for 3 years. I have to work a late shift once a week and I pay Diana to watch Felix for me. He’ll spend the night at her house.
While Alex and Diana never lived together, he was still over quite often and built a bond with Felix. Sometimes, they’d even do stuff just the three of them when I wasn’t working. It was really sweet. Alex was a really great guy. Our entire family loved him.
Diana ended up having an affair.
He broke up with her and understandably, cut off all contact with our family. It was really hard on Felix. While I absolutely do not expect Alex to maintain a relationship with him, I also sympathize with my son who had become very attached. Felix does not know why Alex and Diana broke up, he just knows that sometimes things don’t work out.
This all happened 6 months ago.
2 months ago, Diana began going out with a new guy ‘Fred’. They have gotten very serious in a short amount of time and are already moving in together. I’ve since found out that Fred is the guy that Diana had an affair with. I barely know Fred and I’m hesitant to let my son get attached to another man of hers so soon.
So, I spoke with my other sister, ‘Clarissa’ (32F), and offered to pay her to watch Felix the one night a week I work late and she agreed to do it, even refusing to accept payment. When I explained to Diana why I was doing this, she said I was overreacting.
I said I don’t want my son to get attached to another man that will be gone. I also said I don’t want him coming to Felix’s birthday party next month. Diana asked when Fred would be allowed around Felix and I said maybe at the 6-month mark.
Diana is calling me crazy.
Clarissa is on my side, but our parents are siding with Diana. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting her to babysit him. It’s understandable that you don’t want your son to get hurt if and when these men disappear from his life. Six months is a reasonable timeline to show that your sister is serious about Fred.
That said, I think not allowing him at the birthday party is taking it a little far. He’s likely not going to get attached to Fred at one birthday party. Regardless, it’s your/your son’s party and you can invite who you’d like.” Wild_Butterscotch977
Another User Comments:
“A soft YTJ.
I see your concerns but isn’t it better for your son to have these relationships, than not to have them at all? Even if it does not work out in the long run, the experience for your son will be better than not having anything at all. And yes there may be a loss if he leaves, but your son will bounce back and learn that part of life is dealing with losses.
If your sister had an affair once, the chance that she will do it again is higher. But using 6 months is arbitrary. In my honest opinion, you should let him come to the birthday party and let Diana watch him when needed. Of course, if the guy is a jerk and does not engage with your son then she should come by herself to watch him.” ra0928
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting your kid around an adult you don’t know. I probably wouldn’t have mentioned to sister about her man not being around long. That just caused her to be defensive. It probably would’ve been better to frame it like you understand that Sis is navigating a new relationship and you feel it’s best for all parties to have ample time to adjust without having a kid in the mix for the time being.
If sis was to claim that it’s totally fine to keep things the way it is, then you’d have more standing to be a bit more direct in your reasoning. But at the end of the day, no one has the right to tell you who your child should be around.” LoveLeaMel78
14. WIBTJ If I Ask My Brother Not To Sit On My Couch?
“My brother is extremely obese. I don’t know what he weighs but I know it’s over 500 lbs.
It affects him in his day-to-day life and while he’s still mobile, he struggles with regular physical activity like walking around the store. I hope that is enough to show this isn’t some fat-phobia nonsense or something, his weight is a very real concern and debilitating. We don’t see each other super often and he’s going to be in town in a week and stopping by for the day to visit.
I do love him, but I don’t try to force my desire for him to lose weight (again, this is not for aesthetics) down his throat even though I am genuinely scared for him and I try to be very mindful that his weight issues are something I have been incredibly fortunate to never struggle with myself.
About 5 years ago he sat on my couch and snapped the support in the middle. It wasn’t an expensive couch but it was only a few months old and I was really bummed about it. I didn’t ever mention that he broke it (I don’t think he realized he had) because I didn’t want to embarrass him.
I found out later on he did the same to a mutual friend’s couch. Sat right in the center and the supports broke. This last year we used my husband’s bonus to buy a new custom couch. It wasn’t insanely expensive but definitely a splurge compared to our usual $300 clearance furniture because we wanted to buy something we’ll have for a while and it’s hard to find a size that works in our odd living room.
Now that my brother is coming to visit I’m stressed about him breaking it. I have an oversized sturdy chair in the living room that I will try to usher him to but if he starts going for the couch, WIBTJ for explicitly asking him to please not sit on it?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Your brother is not unaware of his size, and I’m sure he has a keen understanding of the fact that not all furniture can support him. Being in a situation where your size causes you to not be able to sit comfortably is embarrassing and awful, but it is even worse to break someone else’s furniture just by sitting on it.
In your brother’s situation, he may gravitate towards larger pieces of furniture because they seem like the most likely to have a high enough weight limit to support him (as well as no armrests to dig into his sides). If you let him know casually that this particular chair is very sturdy and strong, he will hopefully appreciate the heads up and the knowledge he has a safe place to sit.” etraytin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m sorry that you feel the need to ‘soften’ the blow about him being extremely overweight and breaking things, but this is something he really needs. You need to tell him he broke the last couch and you’d like to preserve this one. It’s not fair that you had to pay for another couch because he broke it.
I also think it’s weird that he hasn’t said anything about that matter. I would think that he would be aware that he is prone to breaking things due to his weight.” Sparklingemeralds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He may not have said anything but I have a hard time believing he broke a couch without noticing.
Support beams are noisy when they break. It sucks and it’s awkward, but a little embarrassment from being told you’re afraid he might break yet another couch might be a reality check he needs. Addiction is cruel, but as long as you’re the one paying for the consequences (and the couches), he’s got no reason to change anything.” Cool_Cartographer_33
13. AITJ For Making My Stepkids Eat Dinner In Their Rooms?
“My husband and I both have children from previous relationships. He has a son who is 11 and a daughter who is 9, I have a 4-year-old daughter. My daughter has several severe food-related allergies which means I have to closely monitor the food she eats and what she is around and ensure the kitchen is never used to prepare anything she could have a reaction to because of cross-contamination.
We recently moved to be closer to his children so he could have them overnight more easily so this was my first time with them overnight. They didn’t want the food I was preparing for dinner which is fair enough, it wouldn’t be my first option but we eat what my daughter eats to keep her safe and I wasn’t about to force them so I gave them two options.
They could eat what I was cooking or we’d get them something from Ubereats but they would have to eat it in their rooms and wash up before being in contact with my daughter. Both agreed as we’ve made her allergies very clear to them in the past and they got their meals ordered.
I figured everything was good and my husband had no issues with this either so I thought nothing of it. Their mother when picking them up demanded to know why we’d made them eat in their rooms as if they weren’t ‘good enough’ to eat with us. My husband explained that they’d had the option to eat with us the dinner I’d prepared but they didn’t want it so we’d gotten them takeout but with my daughter’s allergies, they couldn’t eat it around her.
She got really annoyed at this and implied my daughter’s allergies couldn’t be as bad as that and I was likely using it as an excuse and then pointed out that they could have eaten in the living room then if not with us around the table and I explained that I’d been worried about that as my daughter spends a lot of time there and if they’d spilled anything or left any residue it could be an issue and that I’d have had to have done a deep clean the moment they were done eating to prevent any issues.
This led to more arguments from her with my husband taking my side in this pointing out they’d been more than happy as their rooms had their toys and their TVs and their games consoles but their mother insisted it wasn’t the point.
Honestly, I feel awful over this, maybe I should have allowed the living room and just resigned myself to a late-night deep clean?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t force it on them, if anything I think it was pretty nice and accommodating that you offered the takeout. You could have just told them what you prepared was the only option; most parents don’t order takeout because their kids are refusing to eat what they made.
And it sounds like you wouldn’t normally even have the takeout in the house because of the risk to your daughter, so sounds super accommodating.
Of course, the allergy is the main issue here anyway, and there’s nothing wrong with you prioritizing your daughter’s life.
At first glance the title made it sound like you would be the jerk, so maybe the mother needs to stop and fully understand the severity of the allergies.” Jezabel8708
Another User Comments:
“The mom knew when she came and picked them up, so I’m assuming that one of her kids told her. We don’t know what was said; the kid might have just mentioned it to her and it was no big deal to them. Or the kid actively told their mom because they didn’t like it.
I mean, it was their first night over with their dad’s new family. They might have felt pushed away. They might be worried that’s how dinners will always be handled when they’re over. They might have acted like it was great fun in front of you and your husband, but she’s the one they’re going to be honest with.
Moving forward, I’d assume that someone wasn’t happy and make some changes. They are there to spend time with their dad, so have dinner be a time for them all to connect. Have dinner with your daughter earlier and let the three of them eat afterward or have your husband take them out to eat instead.
Maybe you could pack your daughter’s food up and do a picnic with her outside when the weather is nice to give the three of them time to clean up before she comes back in.
I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it, but I’d use the information as feedback to do something different during future sleepovers.
No jerks here.” OliveLovesYou2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: you gave them multiple options, explained long before this was even an issue about your daughter’s allergies, and they never once complained about it. You didn’t even force them into their rooms for the whole night, it was simply until they finished eating foods your daughter may have a reaction to.
Your husband thankfully seems to be supporting you as well which is wonderful. Baby momma is reading into this a little too much, but with time she will see how well you treat the kids and hopefully will at least accept your role in the family and at most realize she was wrong and apologize to you.” mer_3300
12. AITJ For Not Making My Child Apologize To The Substitute Teacher?
“My daughter (12) is in middle school and had a substitute teacher last week. According to my daughter, there were some kids in the class who were especially difficult toward the sub. It was bad enough that the sub took down all their names and sent most of them to the principal’s office.
When the regular teacher, Mrs. P, came back the next day she saw the report with the names of the sub taken down and told the entire class to write an apology letter to the sub to be collected the next day. The kids that were mean to the sub needed to write about their poor behavior, and the kids who didn’t do anything were told to write an apology for not stepping in and standing up to the ‘bullies’ on behalf of the teacher.
My daughter showed me her letter and it basically read ‘I’m not sure why I’m writing this, I’m not sorry about anything because I didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not my responsibility to defend the teacher against students because she has all the power’. I told her to hand it in and made an appointment with the principal and teacher.
At the meeting, I explained what happened to the principal and my child’s response. I said that I expected her not to get into trouble for it or have issues come from it because I believe she is correct. Mrs. P asked why I thought this was acceptable, I explained that it’s not a child’s responsibility to stop other kids in class from acting up since not only does it make my child a target for those kids once the sub leaves but it’s not her job to manage and regulate the emotions of her classmates, particularly since it’s against someone who is in a position of authority.
By staying out of it, she didn’t escalate the situation by involving herself in something she wasn’t a part of and possibly making it worse. My child has a responsibility to tell a teacher about bullying, but when it’s the teacher being bullied what do they expect her to do?
I felt like it was also worth mentioning that all the children acting up were boys, so they were expecting the girls to do the emotional labor for the boys by what? Chastising them for misbehaving in class? And then apologizing, like not doing that emotional labor was wrong.
The principal agreed with me and told me not to worry about it but the teacher has been difficult ever since.
I was sure that I was right but a few friends think I’m wrong for taking it to the principal and more than one has said I didn’t have to imply that it was a sexism issue. The biggest thing that has me doubting myself is that I was discussing with a friend that my child stands up to bullies when it comes to other kids being bullied, it’s who she’s always been and I’m proud of that.
My friend called me a hypocrite for encouraging her to stand up to bullies for other kids but not for a teacher. I don’t feel like the two are the same and can’t be compared. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like your daughter had a sound analysis of the events.
By taking it to the principal, and bringing up the gender dynamic of the situation, which IMO was a valid component of the event, you exposed the teacher’s internal bias which I’m sure embarrassed her more than anything which explains her becoming difficult. If she’s open to criticism, then she wouldn’t be acting difficult and instead be grateful for the insight and the opportunity to grow.
Sounds like her problem now. Nice that you have your daughter’s back.” crushedsombrero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your concerns and observations are 100% valid. Unfortunately, people don’t like being called out or being wrong.
Children should not be managing the emotions of adults. Girls should not be apologizing for the poor behavior of boys.
Girls should not be responsible for managing boys. None of this is healthy for kids to learn or normalize.
Other kids are your child’s peers. She is correct in her understanding that a teacher holds power. It’s not appropriate to compare the two. Expecting a child to defend an adult is placing an adult’s responsibility onto her – and if this were a situation with a parent, we would call this ‘parentification’.
I would have a conversation with the teacher and if things don’t get better, bring it up with the principal.” Kawaiidumpling8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s a child who has no authority. The teacher had it. She did the right thing in not saying anything in the classroom itself.
If the principal wanted to confirm the bullying and your daughter didn’t speak up, it would be a different situation.
I would encourage her in the future that if they have a substitute and this happens again, make note of it and speak to another teacher or the principal, where no one can hear the discussion.
She is a child learning how to navigate the world. You cannot hold her to adult standards.” Mundane_Bike_912
11. AITJ For Being Mad That My Sister Went To A Concert?
“So, my (F25) parents are on a 10-day vacation and they asked me to come to their home to look after the house and the dogs. This is usual and has been happening ever since I was 18. My sister (F21) lives with them at the moment.
I’ve been talking about this with my therapist – they seem to think I’m the responsible one and they don’t trust my sister with anything, and she lives her life as if she were still a teenager.
When I told my mom it wasn’t fair that I had to look after the house while my sister did nothing and was already living there, she told me I was right and that she would ask my sister ‘to help’. I don’t think I need to explain that ‘help’ shouldn’t be the word – I think we both should take equal responsibility.
One of the dogs is diabetic. He needs to be injected with insulin two times a day, around 9 am and 9 pm. My sister has never injected him – she doesn’t even want to try. So the responsibility is mine – however, it’s almost impossible to do this task alone because he always moves and barks and growls.
The injection doesn’t hurt him, he’s always been kind of a grumpy dog. So we always need someone to hold him while the other injects him (and keeps the needle in for at least 10 seconds, which is the hard part).
First few days, my sister was nowhere to be seen during the morning and I did my best alone.
Later I started calling her or waking her up (she sleeps until 11 am most days) and asking her to help me. The thing is, I’ve been planning my life these last 10 days around this task – I know I need to be home 9 am and 9 pm every day to do this.
She hasn’t – she goes to her partner’s, a friend’s, and if I don’t ask her she doesn’t really seem to care.
What would happen if I acted like her? – like, I had my partner’s birthday, and I went late because I had to wait until 9 pm – what if I had left, like she has done several times, and left her to inject the dog on her own?
I won’t do this, of course, because I love the dog and I don’t want to harm him in any way. But this isn’t fair, isn’t it?
So, yesterday, my sister wanted to go to a concert out of town. I told her she could go, but only if she was home by 9 pm to help me.
She didn’t know if she was going to make it and didn’t decide to go until the very same day at the last minute. I was talking with a friend when she texted me ‘Hey I’m going to the concert, Mom says it’s fine, I’ll be back at 10 pm and Mom told me it’s okay if we wait an hour to inject him (the dog)’.
I was busy and I trusted her. So she went.
She wasn’t home until 1 am. She says there was a lot of traffic. I had to ask a friend to hold my dog while I injected him with the insulin, and it was OK, but the thing is I shouldn’t have.
My sister should have been here. It’s only 10 days she needs to be more responsible and not party/go to concerts.
I’ve just texted my mom ‘Next time, I’ll schedule a concert the very same day you go on vacation and leave sister alone to care for the house, sounds OK?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents are never giving your sister a chance to grow up or I even think they are not giving her any house chores even though she is staying at home. This way she will never learn any responsibility. And just because you are the responsible one, it is not okay for your parents to take you for granted and leave your sister out of any duties.
Next time just say NO and see what will happen. I bet that they will still blame you, that because of you they had to cancel their plans!!!! And even I hate the word ‘help’ when it does definitely not help and it is her part of the chore.” Normal-Bluejay9388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your entire family needs to hold a meeting and see if you can agree on what are realistic expectations about how much assistance you give one another. If your parents think it is your duty as a family member to care for the dog, then that expectation needs to apply to both daughters equally.
They should not rely on your being a responsible person to let your sister skate along in perpetual adolescence.
The biggest concern here seems to be the health of the diabetic dog. It should not take two people to administer the meds. Ask your vet to show you how to safely administer the injections solo, or ask them to recommend a trainer who can work with you.
Likely this would require muzzling the dog and tying its head up while giving the injection. Your parents should make learning how to do this a requirement for your sister to continue living with them.
If they and your sister are unwilling to do this, then the answer is to board the dog when your parents travel or hire someone to come twice a day to give the dog its meds.
That is a choice for your parent to make. It is not your responsibility.” 4TheLonghaul731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And may I say, as a child of a champion guilt-tripper, that your parents are adults who have many options for dog and house sitting beside you? They are trying to make you responsible for their responsibilities because it’s easier for them to abuse your mental health than budget or make a few phone calls.
This also goes for your sister, by saying she should help you, they want you to parent your sister into getting more responsible. I suggest just being unavailable for any help that makes you feel resentful. You are now an adult and will have a happier future with them if you decide and enforce your boundaries early and constantly.” SavageBeauti
10. AITJ For Giving My Brother's Kids Better Gifts?
“I (38F) have two siblings. An older brother (40M, kids are 12 & 10) and a younger sister (36F, kids are 10, 8, 5). All of us live in NYC so the cost of living is high, but my husband and I have tech/doctor incomes and no kids so we’re very spacious with our budget.
A while ago, my younger sister asked to borrow funds from me. She has 3 kids, and when she got laid off at the beginning of last year, she, her husband, and her kids burned through savings pretty quickly. She asked to borrow around June, partially to send her children to a summer camp they’ve been begging to go to, and partially to float her until she found a job again.
So far she’s only managed to find a part-time job because she hasn’t found a full-time job that pays more than childcare would’ve cost her. For Christmas, I forgave the 25k I loaned her and gave her 2 boys nice winter coats and her preteen daughter a very nice makeup palette and lipsticks.
However, since I’d essentially paid for their summer camp too I thought it would be only fair that I spend a similar amount on my brother’s 2 kids, and for Christmas, I booked my brother, SIL, and their 2 kids a week-long trip to Disney world for their upcoming spring break.
I never told my brother that our sister asked me for help or that I forgave her loan, and I never told my sister about our brother’s gift. It wasn’t a secret, I just never thought it needed to be told. On my husband’s side, we gave his sister’s kids gifts in similar monetary as well.
Recently my siblings spoke about the kid’s spring break plans and my sister is mad I got my brother’s kids a much bigger Christmas gift. I pointed out to her I spent an equal amount for her kids that summer, and forgave her debt, but she’s saying her kids won’t understand the importance of my Christmas gift and just see that their cousins got Disney.
I told her it wouldn’t be fair if I paid for her kids to go to camp and not for our brother’s kids. As a compromise, I told her if she paid me back for their summer camp (9k), I’d pay to add her + kids to my brother’s Disney trip.
Obviously, she can’t do that, but I was angry she was so unappreciative of what she already got from me, and in my pettiness, I also added that it was her failure as a parent to not teach her kids why they can’t go. She keeps saying it was unfair between the kids and they’re going to feel left out.
Even our parents have said that camp is a normal summer activity but Disney is a special experience and perhaps I was being too harsh on her. I could also easily afford it, so maybe I should just include her kids.
I’m not a Disney person, and I’m not a parent so maybe I’m just not getting it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would think that a 9k summer camp is a very special activity because that’s probably twice the money we spent on our summer holiday as a family of 4 and we really splurged after not going for 2 years and we’re not poor. It’s the parents’ job to explain to the kids why things are happening in a certain way and I guess that’s why your sister is angry: the kids probably don’t know that you paid for the summer camp and your gift to your brother had them asking uncomfortable questions.
Also, if your parents think that summer camp is just normal, they can pay.” Infamous_Control_778
Another User Comments:
“A 9K summer camp is not a normal summer activity. Since money was tight, they didn’t need to go to camp this year. And since sister hasn’t found a decent job yet, money is still tight.
Tell your sister that her kids got their special ‘trip’ in the summer. It doesn’t matter if you have the money to send them to Disney, they don’t need to go this year. Explain that you helped her out before and your brother’s family trip has nothing to do with her.
Your brother’s family will have different experiences than her family and they will not always be able to do what the other family gets to do. Your other niblings didn’t go to camp last year, they don’t get to go to Disney this year. Don’t let your sister guilt you into paying for an expensive vacation and don’t pay for camp again.
These are not necessary expenses.
NTJ.” PanamaViejo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are cousins, not siblings. They will have different experiences growing up. None deserve anything you choose to give. It’s all your choice and you don’t owe anyone anything.
If your sister is going to be that entitled, tell her to absolutely not ask for your help in any way going forward.
She can go to your parents since they think you don’t get the freedom to choose who gets what and think a ‘normal’ camp experience she can’t afford is a right, not a gift you generously gave.” OLAZ3000
9. AITJ For Getting A Car Towed?
“I (19 M) live with my parents in a small neighborhood with a few condos attached to the row I’m in.
We rent out 2 spots for both of our vehicles. One day, as my dad was at work and mom was out grocery shopping, I saw a guy parking his car in our spot. I waited a bit, maybe he was just making a 1-minute pit stop, but he was still away after about 5 minutes, and there were a few visitor parking spots available, so I was baffled why he decided to steal ours.
I decided to call for a tow truck and then they came about 3-4 minutes later (I live near a tow truck lot). As the tow truck driver was hooking the car up, the guy came out and saw it. He immediately got into an argument with the tow truck driver and was saying he was ‘only like, 10 minutes!’
My mom got home about half an hour later, and I forgot to mention to her what happened, but 10 minutes after she returned, the guy that stole our spot came to our house and argued with me and mom, saying he was only gonna be there for 5 more minutes. It got heated, but he eventually walked away, still mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You even waited to see whether it was a quick stop. He came out when he knew he was being towed, and he says he was only going to be another five minutes. Even if that’s true – however long you waited, you could always think ‘But what if he’s only going to be another five minutes?’
He’s one of those people who goes through life doing whatever he likes, being completely inconsiderate, and then getting angry when called out.” No_Grocery_1480
Another User Comments:
“He should not have parked in your spot. that being said, at that point in time, he was not inconveniencing you at all.
You were feeling threatened, you got angry, and you took action against him that you viewed as defensive. He viewed it as an attack. A more moderate course of action would have been to put a note on his windshield, stating this was a private paid-for spot and the next time he parked there, you would call a tow truck.
Point out that there are available spots in the lot where visitors are allowed to park. Tell him you gave him a break this time because there’s a possibility he didn’t know. Wish him a nice day. Mission accomplished, no further action needed unless it was getting close to the time when your father would need his space and your mother was already home.
We all want justice when we are wronged, and we all want mercy when we commit wrong. By not showing him any grace, you have set yourself up for the karma you have earned. Everyone sucks here.” Jackstraw2765
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You probably could have waited a few more minutes, but honestly, it was already nice of you to have waited at all.
Even if it’s considered rude to call immediately you would still be well within your right to do so, so waiting at all is a kindness. Waiting a little longer would have been nicer and potentially avoided the whole situation, but ultimately it’s the guy’s own fault for not parking in an open and available spot to begin with.
Maybe in the future, if you happened to see who was driving before they parked you can ask them to move and point out an open spot or something, but again that’s really just you being nice and not something anyone should just naturally expect.” theuserwithoutaname
8. AITJ For Thinking That My Mom Abandoned Us?
“My parents have been divorced for about a year now and since then my mom has met this very nice guy, he has been nothing but sweet to us so I have no issues with him.
When my parents divorced they agreed that throughout the weekdays we would stay with my dad and the weekends with my mom. She lives about 2-3 hours away from us now so it’s a pretty long trip.
For about 2 months now my mom only lets us stay till Saturday.
On Sundays, she was always in a rush to get us to leave which was kinda hurtful but we never asked why. My mom suddenly stopped sending her daily texts which was out of character for her to do and she would only reply when we texted first. Last weekend I asked her if we could stay the whole weekend with them because it was a long weekend since we had no school on Monday.
She agreed to have us over so I was pretty overjoyed to spend some days with her since we haven’t seen her for about 3 weeks.
So on Friday, our dad drove us to her house, he dropped us off and immediately I noticed that their cars weren’t there and the lights were off.
At first, I assumed that maybe she was home alone so I rang the doorbell and no one answered. I told my brother to call her to see if she was even home and he did, she didn’t answer. I started freaking out and assuming that something bad happened to her.
We were out there for about 20 mins when my dad called and he sounded pretty upset.
That’s when he told us that she was in a completely different state. She moved away with her partner without telling us. My brother and I were just kinda standing there in disbelief when she called me.
I started crying and screaming at her for an explanation and what irritates me the most is that she sounded so offended by the fact that I was so upset by this. She told me that she got married to him and now I have 3 new siblings and one that is coming soon, she’s pregnant.
She even had the audacity to talk about how cute the kids were and how the girl even looked like me. That’s when I accused her of abandoning us for a new family which caught her off guard because she went quiet. She said that she was glad that she left us and that was the last time I talked to her.
She has tried to get me to apologize to her but I refuse. Today I blocked her and decided to go no contact with her, and my brother did too. My dad thinks that we’re being a bit too harsh with her but I’m simply too hurt by this.
So AITJ? Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She really just… moved? That’s really hurtful. You don’t say how old you are but I’m assuming you and your brother are between 11 and 16 based on the story and the fact that neither of you is driving yourselves.
Your mom may have every right to do whatever she wants, but she’s a mom to two kids who are at very formative ages and her choice to do this will have a pretty severe impact on you and your brother. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
My sincerest advice would be to just spend time with your dad, and maybe ask to start seeing a therapist if you aren’t already (I know they put me in therapy when my parents divorced, so maybe you’re already seeing someone). But this sounds like it’s going to be a lot to process, and a professional might help.” mathxjunkii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t be too hard on your dad, either. He’s trying to maintain some semblance of a good relationship with her for the sake of you and your brother. Privately, he’s probably at least as disgusted as you are but good parents don’t badmouth the other parent… even when the other parent richly deserves it.
What your mom did is pretty disgusting. I’m betting she won’t understand why you don’t want to have a relationship with her because if she understood how wrong her actions were, she wouldn’t have done them in the first place. I get why you feel the way you do, but respect the position your dad is in.
If he talks to you about it, listen to what he has to say. Then say ‘We understand you want us to have some relationship with her. She made it clear she isn’t really interested in having one with us. If she ever decides to offer us a meaningful apology and make an effort to have a relationship with us, we’ll consider it.
Right now, we’re just not interested.'” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom chose one of the absolute worst ways to announce that she was going to get married to somebody else. It is very clear that your mother and her partner haven’t given you the opportunity to even meet your new siblings before the marriage.
I suspect that doing that would have given some indication of whether or not there were going to be problems blending families – and some people are so committed to a choice they refuse to see the possible problems attached to that same choice.
Frankly, the way that your mom did this was so cowardly I’m surprised that your dad isn’t angrier at her.
Because if my ex pulled a stunt like this I wouldn’t be just upset I would be LIVID. That said, your dad might be trying his darndest to make sure that you still have a relationship with her, even if he is seething inside, to make sure he isn’t accused of parental alienation (although your mom seems to be doing a pretty good job of alienating you and your brother all by herself).
However, he has to make sure that he has to honor your very much justified anger and not just stuff it in a box. It’s a tricky thing to do.
From my POV, it appears that your mom was very much afraid of your reaction to the news, so she decided to let her absence do the talking for her.
She’s not the first conflict-averse person to walk this planet, but she is a grownup and grownups use their words to talk things through. They don’t just run away and drop the ball and that is exactly what she did. She could have given you and your brother time to digest this by delaying the wedding.
She could have at the very least been open and honest with you as soon as she found out she was pregnant. She’s the one who has to issue the apology, not you.
As a mom myself, I’m going to give you all the internet hugs. What you and your brother experienced – it isn’t right at all.” VioletSampaquita
7. AITJ For Not Lending My Things To The Church?
“I (32f) have dealt with my mom (61f) volunteering me and my things for most of my adult life. If someone reaches out to ask for something she says I can do it and then texts ‘Call me, it’s not an emergency, but important.’ Most of the time I just give in and do it, but constantly remind her how much I detest being ‘voluntold’ to do something.
If the person needs something that I can help provide, they can reach out to me themselves.
Today, I had two missed calls and a text ‘Call me, not an emergency, but very important.’ So, I called her back. She told me that the youth pastor was needing another easel for the service that the youth was putting on and she said that I had one that I could bring.
She asked if I would be okay with that. I said ‘no.’
This immediately ticked my mom off. ‘It wouldn’t hurt you to bring it.’
‘I am not dragging it all over the place.’
‘It would be a big help to me.’
‘It would be a big help to someone else that you could have told to text or call me about it.
You don’t have the right to volunteer my time and my things to other people.’
‘What about all of the things we do for you?’ For this, she was starting to list off a bill she is helping me pay, and the fact we went to dinner for my birthday, or lunches that we occasionally get.
I helped remodel her house, I fix her computer all the time, I clean her house, I do yard work for her because my dad is unable to, and I house sit when they are on vacation (which is a lot), that is just listing a few things that I do for them.
‘You don’t get to try and guilt trip me. The answer is no.’
This youth pastor has access to multiple different routes to get an easel. She does production work with one of the schools as well as the community theater. All that would have a spare easel (used for show postings and such) that she could borrow for the day.
I don’t want my things damaged or loaned out to people to wait weeks or months to get back. If the youth pastor had texted me or called me, I might have been inclined to oblige and figure out how to get my easel (which is not small or collapsible) to and from the church.
However, my mom simply said that I would be happy to take it without asking me beforehand. My sister said that I don’t have to readily lend my things if I don’t want to.
Am I the jerk for putting my foot down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you’ve trained your mom to believe you’ll always say ‘yes’ whenever she volunteers you or your things for something.
It is time to re-educate her. You do not have to lend your things if she wants you to do so. You do not have to give your time if she volunteers.
This will be difficult, but keep telling her ‘no’. Keep telling her to have the pastor (or neighbor, or whoever) call you themselves if they need your stuff or your time so badly.
You might even have to tell your mom that the answer will automatically be ‘no’ if she has said you’d loan something out.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the reason she doesn’t tell them to call you is that your mom enjoys being the one who does the favors for people without having to actually do any of it and instead trying to force you to do it.
And then to guilt trip you, after you’ve told her repeatedly to stop doing this, is really manipulative, yuck. Stick to your guns, and if you feel like bringing the issue to a head, call her out on the fact that she is clearly trying to reap the credit for doing favors for people and not doing any of the giving herself – how un-Christian of her!” Reddoraptor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But at the same time, she continues to do these things because she can. She can because you always comply. Simply put, your decisions to not maintain boundaries have trained her that this is acceptable and is your role in the relationship to the point where she doesn’t even recognize there is an issue.
Set boundaries and don’t reward her for inconsiderate behavior. You aren’t her property, your possessions aren’t her property, and it isn’t your responsibility to make her look good for other people at your expense. Patiently persevere… it takes a long time to reverse these things.” Jean_Jester
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Get A Portion Of My Dad's Inheritance?
“My mother and father divorced when I was 11 yrs old.
They both went on with their lives each remarrying. In 2016 my father had a stroke that fully debilitated him, and he went into a nursing home. He passed away a few weeks ago. When he went into the nursing home, he didn’t have much. Just a few pieces of furniture and personal items. At that time my siblings and I divided that up.
He was divorced by his 2nd wife at this time, so there wasn’t much to worry about there.
We never expected Dad to have any money or an estate after this point, but last week I received a call from the nursing home that he had a substantial bank account.
(He was fully VA disabled and drew a monthly SS check). Imagine my surprise that he has just under 70k in a bank account. I am close to my mother and was just sharing my shock at the account when she pipes up, she should get a portion of that.
Her exact words ‘He never paid child support and I struggled every day raising you’. Well, she did struggle due to her spending habits, but she received a stipend from the government for each of us kids. So no technically she never received child support but she was getting a payment.
There are 3 children total to divide this 70k in question, his funeral was just under 10k, plus we need to hire a probate attorney. So each of us will get just under 20k each… AITJ for denying her any portion of this? I am 45 and the state is Tennessee, so she isn’t legally entitled to any of it after 35 yrs of divorce.
I need advice.”
Another User Comments:
“Tennessee native here. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT give your mother a dime! This money belongs to you and your siblings! If it was meant for your mother the nursing home would have called her and not you. She had a spending habit and I would almost bet you and your siblings were not the recipients of most of those sprees.
They had been divorced for years and your father had already gone thru a second marriage as well. Yeah. Not happening in my book.
Tell your mum to kick rocks and let her go cry to her family that her kids are being mean. Remember when there’s a death there’s a vulture.
NTJ by 1000! This is a few months after I lost my own mum as well. She would have NEVER asked for a dime!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your money. Give your mother none of it. That said, be extra attentive to her and her needs for such things as your time and need for fun.
Maybe find an activity/tickets/event the two of you can do together. Take her for a weekend at Biltmore House in Ashville, NC, a Mississippi River Cruise, season tickets (to whatever she would enjoy), something that uses a small amount of that money to give the two of you unique memories of love.” JustAGal_Love
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Let’s say she sacrificed everything to raise you and spent every penny on you growing up, and was generally an angelic single mom. It sounds like this isn’t quite the situation (seems like she was a little selfish even then) but let’s assume this to look at the scenario in which you might most feel like you should help her.
It’s now 35 years later. You are in your 40s, and presumably, your siblings are as well. You probably have your own homes, families, and careers, and you need to be seriously saving for retirement.
A healthy parental response at this point from her would be for her to be really happy she doesn’t need to worry about you guys as much as she might have thought.
In no way does that healthy parent say, you have 20k you weren’t expecting, give it to me!
It sounds like she might be financially struggling now, but unless she has been actively giving you money for the last 25 years (in which case, yeah, you owe her), this is no longer the fault of her being a single mom.
The child support is also a moot point – she could have fought for it in court when it was relevant.
NTJ. If you feel guilty, set aside some money to use to help her if she ever really gets into a desperate situation, but it doesn’t sound like she knows how to hold onto money herself anyway.” Conscious_Pickle3605
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A House With My Mom And Dad?
“I (23F) am the oldest child and daughter to my (54F) (61M) parents who came here about 12 years ago to give my brother and me better education and opportunities. The American dream so to speak.
We are from South Asia (around India). As the oldest daughter I of course have always had a lot of responsibilities and I was always expected to be the perfect child. So I went to the college they wanted me to go to (close to home). I got a full ride (including housing) so my parents would not have that as a burden.
I worked really hard in high school (also expected of me) and the scholarship was my way of showing them gratitude for everything they have done. Everything in my life has been according to the things my mom wanted me to do. My career, my lifestyle, my friends, no relationships/who I go out with, etc. I never really had a problem with it until I did a few things without my mom’s approval.
I got a cat when I was living in my college apartment. She absolutely lost it. This was around 2020 and we were all told to evacuate and go back home as classes went online. My mom would not allow me to bring the cat as she was scared of my cat and concerned about what people would say.
I ended up having to rehome my sweet boy (my roommate took him) and to this day it’s a heartbreak I will not get over.
I wanted to start living on my own after college. That’s when things went down. She brought up society and how females in my culture don’t live alone.
Regardless I stuck with my decision and started living on my own. Well for my mom she still does not approve of it and still brings it up as this could be viewed as a very shameful thing.
If you have not noticed the pattern yet: my mom cares A LOT about societal opinion.
Now moving on to the current issue. I have saved up enough to buy a home. During college, I worked 25-30 hours weekly while being a full-time student because I did not want to be financially dependent on my parents. So I have saved up here and there and after starting my full-time job last year I have enough to buy a home.
The issue now is that my mom wants me to purchase a property that is big enough for all of us (me, Mom, Dad, lil bro). She wants me to pay the mortgage on the home while they pay for utilities. I should also preface that my parents already have a home of their own and their mortgage is $1200.
My mortgage would be over $3200 if I got a house as big as she’s wanting. She also wants me to pay most of the down payment and she will not sell her house as she plans to just rent it out.
I have told her several times that I DO NOT want to live with her.
Like I already help them financially a lot. But I want to have my own property and continue to live on my own. She calls this selfish and emotionally blackmails me as to how family should stay together and how I am a bad daughter.
I feel very very guilty when she tells me these things So am I a selfish jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, your mother sounds very toxic. It would be better for you to go low contact/no contact with your mother. Make it clear that as a mother your happiness should be more important than what some strangers think and that you will not tolerate having her pushing outdated ideas about women onto you.
I also want to add that them expecting you to move them into your home with basically no rent is absolutely ridiculous and that they’re basically leeching on you and being emotionally abusive.” Moon-spirited
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of her moving to another country to find a better life for her children is necessarily going to be that her children pick up the culture of the new country.
She can’t pick and choose, taking only the economic opportunities but keeping you behaving exactly the way you’d have to behave if you were back in her original homeland.
In this place, in this culture, you have no duty to live with your parents when you’re grown, and it’s actually expected that you won’t.
You have a duty to make sure they’re all right and take care of them if you can and they really need it, but the key to this is ‘only in the ways that both you can and they really need.’
If they have other options for a place to live, you have no duty whatsoever to let them live in your house.
If they didn’t have other options, but you couldn’t do it because it would drive you around the bend, then you still wouldn’t have a duty to live with them.
In this case, they own a house, which you said they would consider renting out if you’d allow them to live with you.
That means they’ve got another option for how to live, so you are absolutely free to say no to them.
Of course you feel guilty anyway, though! They’ve trained you to feel that way so that they can make you do what they want. You’re going to need to be firm anyway.
Therapy might be a good tool to help you.
P.S. Get another cat! Not only are they wonderful (I have five), but it’s likely to make your mom want to live in your house less.” VoyagerVII
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT the jerk. I would buy a small place but tell them you are renting.
They want half of your house while keeping their entire house to themselves. Not fair. If it were me, I think I would buy a small place for myself. If you have money to buy two and rent one, do that. You put yourself through school, not them. I’d lie, tell them whatever, 401K or whatever.
Even if you bought a house with a suite for them, I suspect they would still not want to pay their share. I can’t imagine telling my daughter, who put herself through university, with little help, but still worked part-time the entire time at uni, and has student loans, that she owes me free housing.” ArsenicSurvivor
4. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Wedding Party?
“I’m getting married and for my bridal party, I chose my best friend to be the maid of honor instead of my older sister. The maid of honor has the main job of helping the bride keep her sanity intact and I didn’t think my sister would be available to do that (she has two kids in school and can’t drive due to epilepsy).
So I placed her second and deemed her the Matron of Honor.
For the bridesmaid dresses, I told each girl to pick a floor-length dress in their specific color, but they can choose the style. However, before purchasing ANYTHING send me a picture for approval. I told them to pick out silver shoes and stud earrings.
For my dress, I picked one out with off-the-shoulder draped sleeves, illusion cleavage (small), and a sweetheart neckline.
Time goes on and I approve things for people. In the group chat, the other girls want to see what everyone chose. My sister posted her choice (that I had never seen before that moment or approved) and it had off-the-shoulder draped sleeves, illusion cleavage, a sweetheart neckline, and a thigh-high slit up the front.
I tried to be supportive of her choice even though she never got my approval and it was going to be cold that time of year. She then tried to pick out bridal white heels with white rhinestones, which I declined. We found silver ones. Then for her earrings I approved them, after which she said they were her ‘something old and something new’.
Kind of rubbed me wrong, but moving on.
My fiance is mad about all this and thinks she’s trying to upstage me because she never had a wedding. He asks me to tell her to change dresses. So, I meet them both halfway. I told her we would close the slit with binder clips (inside the dress) and she would wear a shawl for the pictures and ceremony, but afterward at the reception, she could take off the binder clips and shawl and be gorgeous on the dance floor.
She became quite livid and told me I was being unreasonable and that the only reason I wanted her to cover up was so ‘I wouldn’t have competition’. So I kicked her out of the wedding party and since she has a habit of being vindictive, I uninvited her altogether.
I didn’t want drama. There is A LOT more that went on, but this is the gist of it.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll never get why people shoot themselves in the foot like this. Kicking your sister out of the bridal party is one thing, but the whole wedding is not going to hurt her as much as it will cause a disruption at your wedding.
You’re going to field so many questions about her throughout the ceremony. Your parents will also be fielding their share of questions. She is family and worse she is disabled family. It won’t matter what she did. Nobody will care what she did and for years they are going to remind you of what YOU did.
Why would you willingly sign up for all that drama? Invite her to the wedding as a guest. And then have a good time with the many other guests that are sure to be at the wedding and stop worrying about your sister. Nobody is the jerk here, but you do need to think before you react.” pohono
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The ‘the bridge has to shine the brightest’ has always struck me as narcissistic. It is supposed to be a celebration of a couple’s love and commitment. As long as the bride and groom are clearly identifiable, who cares if someone is prettier than either of them?
Traditionally neither bride nor groom show off for the wedding looking to get hit on.
If you objected to your sister getting a dress that matches yours, you should have said so as soon as you saw it. Instead, you gave her tacit approval and then took it back after talking to your fiancé.
Presumably, he only objected after you explained to him what was wrong with your sister’s choice. Which means you were just putting your objections into his mouth in an effort to not look like the bad guy.
You have started a war that is likely to have fallout for your wedding and definitely for your life after the wedding.
You provoked your sister and then booted her to prevent her from retaliating. That is seriously heavy-handed mistreatment of a sibling. You are right that it is heartless. It is also unforgivable. You did not want to put in the time and effort to reason with your sister, so you thought creating a grudge for life was a good idea?
Your sister is in a great position to ask people to blow off your wedding in sympathy for her. If she is vindictive as you say, she will probably plan a counter-event just to pull people from your wedding. Her biggest target will be your parents and any other family members.
You’ve made yourself easy to paint as a bridezilla and she will use it against you.
As a rule, if you think your treatment of someone will provoke them to be vindictive, you should seriously reconsider how you are going to treat them.” dlaugh1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the compromise you offered was really something she should have accepted. But I feel like there are strange vibes around.
You were quite OK with her dress, as long as the accessories were not too bride-like, and only worried about the temperature. After you approved the dress, your fiance was getting mad about her upstaging you. You told her to do some removable alterations for the ceremony to calm down your husband which resulted in a fight and now she won’t attend at all.
Don’t get me wrong, it is totally your right to disinvite her to avoid drama and she should really have been able to compromise. But I wonder if your fiance is much better. He should have asked you if you are OK with her dress, tell you you will be the most beautiful bride, and left it at that.
It should not be your job to tell her to alter a dress you already approved of to make your husband happy. Maybe your sister is difficult and desperate to marry and a little bit jealous, but nevertheless, she might be your children’s beloved auntie one day.
It is not his job to help create a rift in your family the very day your families come together to celebrate you.
I hope those are not the first attempts to interfere with your relationships. Take care!” thanktink
3. AITJ For Making A Scene At The Cinema?
“When I was a kid I would sometimes spend an entire day at the theater. I would plan it like a military campaign. I would do the math on start times, run length, and estimated time of ‘coming soon’ ads.
This was before all the commercials at the movies. So if the movie I paid for ended at 4:30 I might go hide in the bathroom until 4:50 so I could see a different movie that started at 5:00. I never did this with brand new movies that might be sold out.
I’m including that because I fully understand the desire to see a movie for free.
These days however the closest theater to me is a big 12-screen behemoth. And while they do have a couple of smaller rooms where they play standard films they mostly have theaters with bells and whistles. IMAX, 4DX, 3D, you name it they have it.
And it all costs extra.
I took my kid to see the new Antman movie and each ticket cost almost $18. We got there with enough time to get our popcorn and stuff and head in.
We were going to sit in the seats that move and rumble along with the movie. And they are in the best spot for the screen.
And since they are assigned we could show up whenever we wanted and still have the best seats.
But there you’re what My Cousin Vinny would call ‘yours’ sitting in our assigned seats. I politely explained that we had paid for the seats and that they needed to move. They wouldn’t move.
My son said just to leave them but then we would be sitting in someone else’s seats. All the seats are assigned these days.
I asked them to move a few times more but they wouldn’t. My son went and found a different place to sit and I went to get the manager.
By the time I got back, there was some lady giving my kid crap for sitting in her seat.
The movie was delayed while the manager dealt with the kids in our seats and they were kicked out when they didn’t have tickets.
The movie was pretty good but my son says that I shouldn’t have caused a scene and gotten those kids in trouble for something he knows for a fact that I used to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Stop using your child as a moral measuring stick. You already know that the movie theater experience of today’s mega theaters is not the same as yesteryear’s small town 2-3 screen theaters. The seats are assigned, and someone took your seats. You went through the proper avenues to address the issue.
I think the bigger problem is your child losing their spine when confronted with a minor confrontation. I don’t know if your child is suffering in other areas of life, but maybe get them an appointment with a therapist. The last 3 years have been rough on all of us, but most of all children.
Help build your child’s confidence to stand up for themselves.” SysError404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t get them kicked out because they had no tickets, you asked them to move, and they refused so yeah definitely don’t just let it go. You paid for these seats and as you’ve seen the trouble is you take other seats, they might be taken, and then you end up being yelled at, in trouble, etc.
They could have simply moved to another seat and you wouldn’t have kept bothering them… so it’s their own fault for not just moving somewhere else.” Crazyandiloveit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for those seats and those kids should have moved. They also should have known that the ‘best seats’ are usually always booked ahead.
In the past, you got away with it because there were no assigned seats. Now that there are, you need to be smart about what seats you steal. I’ve never done this, but it would make more sense to wait until the movie starts before taking an unoccupied seat or maybe even check online to see if any were available still and then sit in those since the website literally shows you which ones are up for grabs.
Those kids were just being stupid about it.” DriftPacifica
2. AITJ For Asking My Brother For Half Of His Inheritance?
“My (18F) brother (25M) and I have the same dad and mom, but dad passed away from a freak car accident right before I was born (my mom had me 1 week after dad’s funeral). My dad had been really good about saving, and my grandparents passed away before he left the inheritance at about 100k total. My mom was the executor of dad’s will, and he stated that upon his death, his money would go to his beneficiaries.
My mom kept it in an account since then, so it’s had 18 years to get interest. However, mom passed away suddenly, everything was covered funeral-wise under her life insurance because it happened at her work, my brother has not released my half of my dad’s passing inheritance because ‘technically I wasn’t born and I’m not entitled to it.’ He called me a jerk because he has a baby on the way, and now I’m taking away from my niece’s future when I don’t need the money because I’m joining the Army anyway.
My few living relatives have also been calling me a jerk because I’m focused more on money than the grief of my mother passing and how dare I want to take my niece’s future away from her.
So am I the jerk for asking my brother for half of his inheritance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not ‘taking away from your niece’s future’. That’s not your job or your father’s job, that’s your brother’s job to provide for HIS daughter’s future. I’m all for helping family but your niece has fewer rights to that inheritance than anybody right now, that statement is only to make you feel guilty for trying to claim what is rightfully yours.
You should definitely try to fight it, your parents wanted their children (plural) to be taken care of with that money and that includes you.” SugarPriestess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Not having been born yet at the moment he died doesn’t make you less his child. In fact, you had less benefit from your parents’ support — presumably, your mom already paid for his education and wedding if he wanted/she could, so I’d say the argument that you deserve more is stronger.
That you’re being called money-grubbing just proves they plan on grubbing your money. And boohoo the grandkid — it’s always hit or miss if a baby gets the support of a grandparent, it’s nice but really, parents should support kids.
You deserve the support of a parent more than the baby deserves the support of a grandparent.
Brother should take care of his own kid.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is just greedy. You weren’t born before your father died so you don’t get any inheritance? Nope, not how that works. (Tell your brother to research Jett Williams if he thinks that not being born yet will hold up in court.) Unless your father stated in his will only your brother inherits then he’s not going to win.
And is he really trying to argue that you aren’t entitled to a portion of the inheritance because you weren’t born yet but he wants it to go towards his own child that isn’t born yet? Really? Your brother is just really greedy.” CemeteryDweller7719
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Clean My Room On A Saturday?
“I (16f) live with my mom (47f). We have always had very different ways of living. I prefer to let things get really messy and then clean them up and she prefers to clean as she goes.
As a high school student taking a couple of advanced classes, my week can get pretty stressful, and I figured out early in the year that I need something to look forward to during the week, aka what I call a ‘rest day,’ where I do absolutely nothing all day but read, watch TV, and eat snacks.
Right now, this day is a Saturday, as I have school during the week and work on Sundays. My mom has never understood this. Today (Saturday) I agreed to do a couple of small chores but stopped there. Earlier, she asked me to clean off my dresser and bed, a task that would take at least an hour, so I politely told her that today is my rest day and I’m not doing it.
Also, my neck and arm are really hurting because I apparently did something while doing another chore, so I wasn’t having it. She got mad and said that it wouldn’t take me that long and I should just do it. I told her no, repeating that I need one day a week to just decompress and do nothing.
She then started yelling that then I need to pick a day to do the cleaning.
I decided on Wednesday as that is normally my most free day of the week. She then started lecturing me that she doesn’t want to hear me complain come Wednesday. A few hours later she saw me on the couch watching a movie while she was mopping and said ‘You know, I was planning on doing some of that cleaning together, but if you do it later, then it’s just going to be you.’ She then started lecturing me again about how she doesn’t get a rest day and kept muttering under her breath and trying to get me to do it today.
So, AITJ for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your mom is trying to teach you to be consistent. That’s really important to learn and make a habit. Cleaning your personal space needs to be automatic, and deeply ingrained, so you don’t feel it’s a chore. It’s just how you live.
Also, it’s easier to clean when others are cleaning, and so much more difficult when you are the only one tidying up. She shouldn’t rely on you for that support, but it sounds like she missed it dearly.
Finally, a rest day is always much more restful when you don’t have your tasks hanging over your head.
You can wake up a little early, take care of your stuff, and have the rest of the day. Or just clean consistently during the week so Saturday isn’t looming like a pigsty.” lyan-cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All people deserve to rest. I understand wanting a day to relax.
Your mom deserves a day of rest, too. But she can’t get rest if you don’t start doing your chores without being nagged. So if you say Wednesday is your day, then you need to stick to it. She’s angry because she’s stressed that Wednesday will mean more fighting and you not holding up your end of the bargain.
She probably doesn’t have time to fight with you on Wednesday. So if you don’t clean Wednesday, then I’m changing my vote to YTJ.
Also, you have to find a better way to manage your mess. If you have plans to go away to college and live in the dorms, roommates won’t take kindly to living in filth all week.” MeepersPeepers13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if you wanted Wednesday to be your cleaning day you should have set that up before declaring Saturday your free day considering it’s more important than an entire day of recreation. Your preference of letting things get messy is not going to be sustainable when you go grow up and have a roommate either in college or an apartment, or if you live with an SO, or even if you live alone.
Your mom isn’t going to clean your own place for you and your roommates aren’t going to tolerate messiness either, so you need to get into the habit of cleaning up now before you end up living like those people on those hoarding shows with dead rats under piles of trash.
Cleaning can be relaxing too anyway, I find it as such and listen to music during it.” Superb_Board1848
