People Are Pumped To Know Our Thoughts Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Having An Honest Conversation With My Son?
“I dropped my son off at preschool yesterday morning, and one of the other mothers walked by with her daughter.
She is pregnant. My son asked me why she was ‘so big.’ I said that she was going to have a baby, and the baby is inside her for now, but we shouldn’t say people are big, because it can hurt their feelings.
My son asked why the baby was inside and how it eats.
I said babies grow in mommies until they are big enough to be outside, and that mommies eat food and her body turns it into baby food that the baby gets through a tube. Then I poked his belly button and said that was where his tube used to be.
My son thought this was hilarious. We then put his stuff in his cubby, and I left. After school that day, I got a message from another mom saying I was gross for talking like that in the classroom. She said my son heard me and was asking her inappropriate questions.
She said I shouldn’t be talking about pregnancy with young children, especially boys, and I had no right to expose her son to such topics.
I try to respect everyone’s parenting choices, but is it reasonable to police what I say to my own child because your child might overhear?
I don’t think the subject was inappropriate for the public.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you answered his question very well, without involving any inappropriate topics (i.e., how people get pregnant) for a child of that age. Boys need to learn about this stuff as much as girls.
That mother should mind her own business, you educate your child in the way you think is best. You took a perfectly innocent question and turned it into an educational moment, which is great. That other mum clearly has some kind of problem with it, but that’s her own issue and nothing you need to worry about.
Nothing you said was wrong in any way.” AppointmentEastern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure the pregnant woman’s preschool daughter has asked her share of questions already and received some sort of answer. If you hadn’t answered your son, he probably would have just asked someone else, and who knows where those conversations might have led. Being honest (in a simplified way, like you were) with kids about pregnancy (and breastfeeding) keeps them from seeing those things as taboo subjects and acting weird as adults like this other mom is doing now.
The fact she finds it relevant you have a son instead of a daughter is absurd to me. Questions at that age are a lot more ‘where did I come from, how did I get here?’ than ‘what steps will be involved in my journey to parenthood’ and even if that weren’t the case, dads don’t need to be clueless about pregnancy just because it doesn’t happen to them.” thats_not_mustard
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk!
I bet that other mother tells her son that he was delivered via the stork.
You didn’t say anything about anatomy that could be seen as inappropriate. You didn’t say whatever else these idiots think is dirty and shameful.
Maybe that mother should have taken the time to educate her son in an ‘appropriate’ manner about babies instead of scolding you.
That mindset right there is why the majority of men know very little about reproduction.
You are a great mama! Thank you for correcting him to not refer to the lady as big.
Even though he means no harm in saying that, it does hurt people’s feelings. You handled that with poise and grace. I would have lost my patience with that mother.” Schmalmal-bagalbagal
17. AITJ For Reporting A Coworker To The Supervisor?
“I recently started a new job and have a coworker, let’s call him A.
Since I started working here, I realized nobody really talks to A, and everybody sees him as creepy or weird. I have a soft spot for people I believe are ‘left out,’ and A sits very close to me, so I’ve always been friendly toward him.
Since my first week, A expressed his interest in me and I politely declined by lying and saying I was in a relationship, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I was still friendly toward him and I thought everything was strictly friendly. Well, first A invited me to a very intimate event of his, which I did not attend.
He then expressed his interest in us going somewhere alone, which honestly sounded like a date to me, so I again declined.
Recently he again told me he likes me and I told him again I wasn’t interested. I thought that would’ve been the end of it, but the next day he showed me a poem he wrote for me basically calling me his soulmate and expressing his love for me.
This really creeped me out and while I did not openly express my discomfort to him at the moment (I was shocked ), I talked to my supervisor about it.
My supervisor took it really seriously and escalated the issue, which resulted in A getting called to a meeting with HR.
A hasn’t spoken to me since.
The conflict is that some of my friends are saying I should have expressed my discomfort to him first before going to my supervisor because maybe he didn’t know I was uncomfortable. I can 100% understand that but I was honestly just shocked and very creeped out.
So AITJ for the manner in which I handled the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He was creating a hostile environment and it’s not your responsibility to school him. I really can’t stand this mindset that women are supposed to just take crap from jerks like this and wheedle and plead not to be harassed. And what he was doing was outright harassment.
Frankly, I feel as if he should have been fired on the spot – there’s no way an adult male who can manage to get himself to work every day doesn’t know that what he was doing was well beyond the pale. Just today a news story came out about a woman who is no longer living because a coworker wouldn’t take no as no. No idea what sort of escalation to HR went on there, but frankly, given this, if they were smart, they would get him gone – NOW.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told him several times you were not interested, what makes you think that if you told him you were uncomfortable he would’ve listened? A clearly doesn’t understand when to stop. I think you made the right call. Everything he was doing was during work and this was making you very uncomfortable.
Some people really act like they do nothing wrong and then are shocked when things like this happen.
Do not feel bad for A, he is an adult and he needs to understand that actions have consequences. And as for the friends that told you that you should have spoken to A first, they clearly did not think that you saying no several times was not enough, that’s a problem.” PsychologicalKale990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did express your discomfort multiple times, when you told him no. You told him no several times.
Some people like to believe that when someone doesn’t hear the ‘no,’ it’s the fault of the person saying no, but it’s not.
You said no, he continued to pursue. You said no again several times, he continued to pursue. The fact that you didn’t express your discomfort one time doesn’t negate all the other times you told him no and he ignored it.
He knew you weren’t romantically interested in him, you made that clear, and he chose not to listen and ignore that.
He chose to push things repeatedly. Your friends are jerks for insisting that all of your previous efforts to mind his feelings and tell him no are somehow negated by this one time that you didn’t.
Some people like to weaponize the ‘I just couldn’t help myself, I’m so in love’ thing but that’s their problem and not yours.
He could help himself – he could have listened to your first no and respected that, but instead he didn’t. That’s not your problem or your fault, no matter how he may want to portray himself as a poor lovelorn guy who just wants a chance.
You are firmly NTJ.” zenbuffy
16. AITJ For Calling My Mom A Hypocrite?
“My parents were never married. I was a baby when they broke up. Dad was around me all the time when I was a baby though. When I was 5, my mom met her husband. They lived about 20 hours from each other and it put a strain on things so about a year later he moved himself and his two kids in with us.
A decision was made when they got engaged to move, and even though my dad fought to retain custody of me and even though he had 50-50 parenting time, my mom was granted permission to move me several hours away.
Dad didn’t like being away from me so he moved to regain 50-50.
Once that happened, they used the fact he was less financially stable post-move to get permission to move again. It was really upsetting for 7-year-old me. I have always been a daddy’s girl and I missed having him around all the time. He was the dad to volunteer with my class, sign up for field trip duty, and take time to join me for extra curricular’s.
He would help me with homework. He’d pick me up from school on his Fridays. That all stopped because he couldn’t keep following us and making his financials worse. So I had a long-distance plan with him.
But he never stopped being my dad.
My mom’s husband was not suddenly the number 1 man in my life.
I made sure everyone knew he was not my dad. I made sure to talk about my dad all the time. This led to a strain with my mom and often feeling like she prioritized my stepsiblings and later half-siblings, over me. When I was 14 I asked my dad to fight for custody of me.
He won. I then got to have him as my primary parent. A year later I told my mom she made me feel less important than her stepkids and new kids. She told me those were the consequences of my rejecting our family and rejecting the man she loved. She said I made sure everyone knew I was not a true part of the family.
So I had to live with the fact more would be invested in the kids who respected the whole family.
I am now 21, I’m engaged and my wedding planning is going well. My mom didn’t know I was engaged. She found out through another family member.
Then she looked at my social media and saw that not only was dad part of the planning but that my future ILs are playing a big role too. She called to chew me out over it and said I was excluding her from one of the biggest moments of my life and how could I.
She also told me I’d hurt her feelings. I called her a hypocrite for that. I told her she rejected my family, she rejected the fact I was not her husband’s child, and prioritized her other kids over me. I told her she was not important to me anymore just like I was not important to her when I wouldn’t embrace her husband.
My choice of words set her off and she called me childish for throwing what she said back in her face when that was different because she never neglected or ignored me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She found out about your engagement from someone else, went through your social media to find out more then called you to start trouble.
It seems that when she called you she didn’t express any pleasure or joy for you, nor did she offer any words of love, support, or affection. What she wanted was to be involved, whatever that means, even though she’s not really involved in the rest of your life.
I suspect she wants to make the wedding about her and will try to insert members of her new family into it as well.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The fact that she didn’t know you were engaged and had to be told to look at your social media tells you how much she really cares.
She’s not interested in you, she’s afraid of the loss of face in front of other family members, e.g. the ones that told her you were engaged. This is just an opportunity for her to make something else about herself.
I’m glad you and your dad were able to overcome the roadblocks she threw in front of you both.
Enjoy your special day and if you get to the end of it without having thought about your mother, give yourself an extra pat on the back.” reddit_user_Keiko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am so glad you have a wonderful supportive dad (he sounds so awesome!) and lovely future in-laws.
You seem to be surrounded by people that truly love you and want what’s best for you. Worry about their opinion (because it will always be based on their love and concern for you) and forget anyone else that doesn’t deserve you. Block your mom.
she didn’t apologize (even then, you still owe her NOTHING) and she doubled down on telling you what you did wrong and how awful you are. That isn’t true by the way. she is wrong.
I really wish you the best with nothing but happiness, love, good health, and great days with your soon-to-be husband, your real dad, your in-laws, and people that are good for you.
You deserve that! Your mom is learning that she won the battles back then, but she ultimately lost the war. Too bad. Remember, you owe her NOTHING.” youreyesmystars
15. AITJ For Putting Mistakes In A Shared Google Doc Notes?
“I (21M) am currently taking Organic Chemistry I. Needless to say, the class is incredibly tough. Luckily though, I have been studying since day 1 so I am doing alright in the class. I am taking the class with a group of friends, so to help them out, I shared the personal notes that I take in class with them via a google doc, and I encouraged them to invite anyone they know.
Recently, one of my friends invited a friend of theirs, let’s call her Jess (20F), who I’ve never really interacted with, but I have a massive crush on. I think she and I would make a great couple, but she’s not really into sensitive smart guys, because on her Instagram, I see all her stories show her out with really jock-like men.
Our third exam is in a couple of days, and as I was going through the google doc, I realized that she was using my doc the most. You can see who looks at or edits the doc on google docs, and most of my other friends would pop up sometimes, but I would see her icon pop up a lot.
I also know for a fact that she isn’t doing well in class, so I got a really good idea. I would put subtle mistakes in the doc so that she wouldn’t do well in the exam, and then I can offer to tutor her.
That way, I can interact with her and talk to her, so that she’ll realize that I have a great personality, and we can hopefully go out together.
I told my friend about this plan, and they called me an ‘incel jerk.’ Personally, I think they’re overreacting because Jess isn’t going to do well either way, even if I don’t put mistakes, so my plan will actually benefit her grades, while also allowing me to interact with her and talk to her.
I think it’s a win-win for everyone, but I was wondering if my friend may have been on to something, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for saying that she doesn’t like sensitive smart guys because the guys she dates are athletic looking. Do you really think that athletic-looking guys can’t be sensitive and smart?
You really think that there are any women who think to themselves ‘Oh yeah I definitely want a guy who’s not sensitive and smart, those things are not my style.’ Like of course, every woman wants to date someone sensitive and smart.
They just ALSO want to date someone who is hot.
And there are people out there who are sensitive, smart, and hot. This is the equivalent of saying that women are attracted to jerks. They’re not attracted to jerks, they are attracted to guys who have qualities that they’re looking for and they may be over-willing to look at one or two traits of the guy who is offering up more of her ideal package than not.
No woman is seeking a jerk because women aren’t stupid. Anyone who makes the claim about women being attracted to jerks, or women not liking guys who are smart and sensitive is basically calling that woman stupid. Being smart is an objectively good trait. Obviously, she wants to date someone smart.
So if she’s rejecting you, it’s not because you’re smart. It’s because she’s not into you for other reasons.
Also, your entire plan is psychotic, and I think that it’s probably fake, but I still wrote my diatribe in hopes that there’s some other person out there who needs to hear it.
Obviously, you sound like an incel but you know that already.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That’s a creepy and manipulative way to go about things.
You could have told her you noticed she was using your document, ask how she was getting on, and offer to tutor her if she would like.
Be honest and straightforward about it. But if your first impulse is to sabotage her in order to trick her into spending time with you, then Jess is better off running in the opposite direction.
Incels complain women don’t date them because they’re not jocks – personally, I think it’s because incels do stuff like this that don’t treat women as human beings to be respected, and the women pick up on that vibe.” ShiveringCamel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re a creep for trying to trick her to interact with her more for the express purpose of trying to date her.
You’re a jerk for thinking about intentionally giving her and your friends incorrect study materials.
You’re a jerk for assuming what kind of people this girl is interested in based on her social media and for having a ‘huge crush’ on someone you’ve never interacted with but judging her for interacting with ‘jock-like men’.
You don’t have a crush on her, you think she’s hot. You know nothing of her personality or interests. You aren’t a ‘sensitive, smart guy’, you’re a creep.” KkSquish17
14. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance?
“I (21m) have an older sister ‘Donna’ (23f) who was conceived during my parents’ marriage. My mom was fighting cancer at the time and my dad couldn’t handle the idea of being alone after she passed away so he started to emotionally move on.
Well, my mom miraculously survived and my dad broke things off with his affair partner wanting to forget the whole thing.
Donna’s mother was really spiteful over being tossed away so she waited until my dad was at his happiest before showing up and dropping the bomb that he had a kid with her.
My mom was furious and heartbroken and almost everyone took her side. After the DNA test and court-ordered child support were established my mom filed for divorce and got almost everything. Mostly because my paternal grandparents threatened to completely disown my dad if he wasn’t generous.
My grandma adored my mom and my grandfather was ashamed of my dad, but he was still allowed to work at the family business. He just no longer had his original family share. My grandparents did this on the basis that if my dad passed away while Donna was still a kid they didn’t want her mother getting control of anything on her behalf.
Donna was welcomed to attend family functions but never with her mom and it was no secret how little everyone thought of Donna’s mom.
Well my grandparents have now passed and according to the will my dad only received $10k and the share that he was originally supposed to receive was reallocated to other members of the family.
My four cousins and I each got $50k plus a share in the family business while Donna just got the $50k.
When asked, it was stated that they didn’t give Donna a share because they didn’t want Donna using it to help/benefit her mom in any way.
However, since she was still their grandchild they wanted to give her something. I felt like since this was their money and assets it was their choice but Donna feels differently, and that since I’m her brother, I’m getting the most pressure to share. I refused because while our grandparents didn’t give Donna a share of the business they did give her the $50k plus present as a kid, paid for college, and bought her a car.
Donna thinks I’m the jerk for not sharing. AITJ?
ETA: Again, Donna not getting shares in the family business was more about keeping her mom away from them rather than actually punishing Donna. Once Donna had them no one could stop her from either signing them over to her mom, giving her mom money from them, or her mom from filing a claim of ownership if Donna died before her.
My grandparents made no secret of how disappointed they were in my dad’s actions, which is why he only got $10k, they didn’t just pin all the blame on Donna’s mom.
Whether Donna actually knew that my dad was married BEFORE she started sleeping with him we’ll never know.
He claims she did and I can’t see why Donna’s mom would ever admit it.
Aside from the presents, my grandparents also paid for Donna to go to private school (under the condition that they give the money directly to the school) and all the fees that came with it so that she could have the same education as me and my cousins.
No, Donna and I weren’t raised together. Her mom had primary custody and I only really saw her at family events or in the summer. Yes, we went to the same school but we didn’t really interact much.
ETA 2: Donna was around two and I was a baby when her mom decided to drop the news and she did it on my father’s birthday.
She found out where his party was being held, waited until after my mom gave a speech about how wonderful he was, and then walked in with Donna exposing him. She was escorted out and the next day my dad received a court summons for a paternity suit and that’s when he confessed that Donna might be his.
Everyone said that Donna’s mom claimed that my dad couldn’t wait for my mom to pass away and regretted that she didn’t. Another reason why my grandparents thought so little of her.”
Another User Comments:
“In most countries, grandparents have no (zero) obligation to provide ANYTHING in their will for a grandchild.
Spouses, children, and dependents yes – grandchildren, nope.
Your grandparents’ will hammered your dad ($10,000) but left $300,000 and family business shares among the 6 grandchildren, unequally. If anyone has grounds to whine, it’s your dad. But he didn’t, right?
Donna got $50K, a college education, and a car from her grandparents, all for herself.
But she wasn’t included in a business that she would have to SHARE with five other folks who may or may not get along with her, including you.
The reason Donna didn’t challenge the will is because she has NO CASE to whine for more.
Instead, she’s grinding your gears, OP.
Make it stop. Tell Donna ‘They did what they did, it is what it is, and I’m done hearing about this from you. If you’re that unhappy about their gifts, feel free to give back the $50K and the car.’
NTJ for holding the line, but totally be prepared for Donna to estrange from you and your family. If she’s that miserable, maybe it would be best for all.” little500HondaCBR
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Here’s something to consider; Donna’s mother was vindictive enough to reveal her daughter in the middle of her Fathers’ birthday, audience, and all.
I can’t attest to much other than that except perhaps she’s fond of grand gestures to give her a sense of superiority and ‘revenge’.
When you’re given shares to a company (where I’m from), you can simply sit on them and collect dividends for a nice little outside income, or you can get involved in the company.
Donna could pass away before her mother, leaving the mother to contest the ownership of the shares. They could then be sold to outside interests who wish to take over the company or lead to some other terrible interference that could affect the rest of the shareholders, employees, and their families.
You do not want somebody vindictive to you and your family to have a controlling interest in their livelihood. Were Donna’s mother no longer alive, that would be a non-issue… unless the daughter takes after the mother.
Stand your ground on this one. Doing otherwise could spell disaster for the firm and your employees.” itwasallrhubarb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandparents were pretty equitable all the way around in their treatment of their son/your dad (he was not let off the hook with all the blame going to Donna’s mom although she sounds like such a peach) and they had legitimate concerns about Donna’s mom getting a stake in the business and made moves to protect that while still be very generous with Donna.
The bottom line is none of you were owed anything and your grandparents set their very generous will as they so desired. You are abiding by their wishes. End of story.” User
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Have Her Wedding At My Property?
“I (57) retired to South America five years ago. My kids are adults and we aren’t really close. Mostly my fault. I worked away from home so they were raised mostly by their moms.
I bought an acreage, called a Finca, and I rent it out for events.
I have an outdoor dance floor, a pool, and a twenty-person guest house. I also built up some areas for pictures. I live in my own house on the property.
So now the conflict. I refuse to let any of my family stay with me anymore.
I did for the first year and they all took advantage of my goodwill. They would not clean up after themselves, they would pick fruit off my trees and then waste them, they would not listen when I told them not to go in the pool on Mondays because that was cleaning day.
And a whole bunch of other things.
My daughter wants to have her wedding here. My house looks like Casita from the Disney movie Encanto. She is obsessed with it because my granddaughter looks like Mirabel from that movie.
So she wants to have a destination wedding on my property.
Which I would be fine with I think. But then she tells me that her guests will be staying there for a week before the wedding. And that since they are paying for the flights they shouldn’t have to pay for a place to stay as well.
Yeah, I’m not super happy about that. So I say that they can do it one of two ways. They can pay me to have extra staff on hand to clean up after them and cook for them or they can have the ceremony, pictures, and reception here and then stay at a hotel.
I even volunteered to pick up the bill for the hotel. It would cost me more than what I earn from renting out my place but it would be worth it not to deal with the headache of entitled people.
I let her bring her friends down here when she graduated from university and they left the place in shambles.
I found an entire bunch of bananas in the pool. Not a bunch like in a grocery store. Like 60 bananas. They ripped off a plant and threw it in the pool. These were all human adults.
Her mom is calling me a jerk for holding it against her.
My son, her half-brother, is posting about how I’m just a miserable guy sitting down here and not wanting to see my family. Not true. When he came down with his SO I put them up at a nice hotel about twenty minutes away. Why because I had to pay for my pool guy to fix my filter pump because his SO’s undergarments were stuck in it the last time he came down.
I know I sound like a grumpy old man but I don’t think that makes me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them about all the destruction they caused to your property and how much it cost you to fix it and how you don’t want to deal with it.
They can pay for what they have destroyed and perhaps let them stay or just don’t accept them. I get the feeling they only use you for your property and all the fun activities it brings(presumably free or at low cost). Set your boundaries straight and if they brake them cut them off because throwing 60 bananas in a pool, by adults, is simply stupid and disrespectful.
Seems like your family guilt trips you into accepting them with ‘you don’t want to see us’ or ‘you don’t care’. Grow a spine and stand up for yourself because this will only get worse if you keep enabling their behavior.” Lex-OH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, the fact that you’ve had issues with many of these people trashing your property in the past means you could never possibly be considered the jerk in this situation. But on top of that, you were extremely generous and offered to compromise by allowing them to stay there if they paid for staff to cook and clean for them, or offered to cover their hotel bills and let them use the property just for the ceremony.
You weren’t just being reasonable, you were being very generous. They’re being outrageously entitled at this point. Don’t let them use your property, end of the story.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if they cannot respect your property then they don’t need to be there.
Nobody wants to allow guests that are not even paying to leave such shambles and things needing to be repaired because of their attitude. Your actual offer should have been okay. But everyone has to leave a form of payment on file and every time excessive mess or repairs are needed, either the responsible person confesses and is charged or the charge is split with all members of the group.
Then it is in their court if they want to have any function on your property.” eyore5775
12. AITJ For Spending £500 For Two Nights At A Hotel?
“I (f29) am going to my first big concert later this month.
It’s in London and I’ll admit, as a true crime junkie, I’m having some anxiety going to a big city on my own (I’ve never been to London before) but since I understand it’s not healthy, I’m not going to miss out on the experience.
Because of that, I decided that I will go (I’m going on my own) but I will save funds to book a hotel that’s close to where the concert is so I don’t have to travel around London at night on my own.
I thought it was a great solution although painful when it came to paying.
For obvious reasons, the concert was postponed for ages and I was able to save up for the trip. And I booked my hotel a month ago, spending approx. £500 for 2 nights’ stay.
It’s expensive, I’ll admit but I saved up for a while so I can enjoy something as safely as possible.
I was talking to my friend (f31) today and she asked when I’m going and we had a chat and she asked me how much the hotel is as she wanted to go to London next year.
So I told her and said I saved up for a while for it.
She freaked! She told me she couldn’t believe how insensitive I was, how when she asked me to lend her money I refused (she still owes me over £2k, and I wasn’t going to lend her more) and she’s struggling as a single mum and I’m a trashy friend when all this time I was sitting on this money that could’ve helped her out (she wanted a new phone because she dropped hers on a night out and it cracked).
I said that I’m sorry but she still owes me money and that I worked hard to afford this. She kicked me out of her house and now has been telling people what a trashy friend I am.
Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve already given your friend money, you saved to stay in the hotel, and you deserve it.
And even if none of that were true, you still wouldn’t be the jerk, because you are under no obligation to ‘lend’ (cough give cough) your friend money.
Perhaps one of the people she complains to about you can lend her money while you find a better friend.
And the fact that she wants the money, not for rent or groceries but to replace a phone SHE dropped and cracked is the hypocritical icing on the entitlement cake.
Enjoy the concert!” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Money saved for a purpose isn’t money that’s free to just use. You were saving for something. Even if it was just random savings with no purpose, you don’t owe her anything, Whether she already owes you money or not.
It sucks as a parent when you’re really struggling financially but that doesn’t mean it’s on you to bail her out. That’s on her. If she owes you 2k already then it sounds like she’s been struggling for a while and expects everyone else to bail her out instead of finding ways to make healthy changes for her and her family.” beccaann94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The money was never available to her. It’s not a this or that situation. If you didn’t stay in your chosen hotel you still wouldn’t lend her money. You would spend it on something for yourself, as you are entitled to do, and the way she thinks she’s entitled to your money in any way, shape, or form is gross.
She is not your friend, your friend would be happy you’re getting to finally go to your concert. She’s a leach and that’s why she’s mad because you aren’t letting her.
I’ve done London on my own as a young woman. It can be intimidating but I loved it.
Google maps is super powerful for public transport, and there’s an app called Citymapper that can also help you navigate the tube.
Have fun at your concert!” Natural_Garbage7674
11. AITJ For Backing Up My Partner Who Was Standing Up To A Rude Friend?
“I (24 M) have been with my partner ‘Lily’ (22F), for three years now.
I have known since the beginning of time Lily is compromising. She is smarter, makes more money, is more attractive, and is funnier than I ever could be. I really don’t care. She chose me and that makes me feel like a literal god.
However, what I don’t like is certain comments made by others. Neither does Lily.
My best friend ‘Jake’ (24 M) has been seeing a girl ‘Maria’ (24 F) for a few months. Maria constantly talks down on me ‘jokingly’ saying that I don’t deserve my SO and she might just steal her for herself because she’s too good for me.
It gets to a point where she just spends hours harping on me after I tell her to stop. It doesn’t feel good to have someone pick you apart for hours when you’re trying to relax.
Last night we all went out for drinks and Maria started up once again with her comments.
Halfway through her sentence Lily cut her off and said ‘I’m sorry for interrupting you but this isn’t as funny or flattering as you think it is. Quite frankly I think you sound obnoxious.’ Maria went silent and Jake started accusing Lily of embarrassing Maria for no reason.
Lily replied, ‘I didn’t embarrass her; she embarrassed herself’. Jake looked at me for help and I shrugged, saying she was right. I have told Maria a lot I don’t appreciate her jokes and she never stops so maybe hearing it from Lily will help.
Jake said we were unbelievable and overly harsh towards Maria. He called for the check and left shortly after. I don’t care if this damages our friendship but I need to know from others. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If your best friend was your best friend, he would have stopped his SO long before this point.
I assume he had heard, at least, some of Maria’s interactions with you.
Maria embarrassed Maria and only has herself to blame. Lily stood up for you and demonstrated to Maria that she doesn’t like to see you being attacked.
Personally, I think Lily has made a good choice with you.
She certainly doesn’t see going out with you, as compromising. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.
NTJ
Don’t let anyone bully you like Maria did. If she starts again, firmly shut her down.” 101037633
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nicely done, Lily!
She is a keeper, OP, but clearly, she sees something in you so maybe don’t be so down on yourself about how you don’t deserve her. A lot of times people see things in us that we can’t see for ourselves. You two should always strive to be people who deserve each other by how you treat one another, period.
Not about who is smarter, funnier, or makes more money. At the end of the day, that is all completely irrelevant to the actions you each take to keep things healthy between you.
Maria is a jerk. Tell Jake to get better taste. Best of luck to you and Lily.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lily is a baddie! What Maria has been doing to you is not a joke, it’s cruel and demeaning. Jokes are funny for those involved, not hurtful. Lily’s response was entirely appropriate and frankly pretty awesome for her to stand up for you like that.
And don’t be so hard on yourself. Lily is with someone who admires her for what she did, which makes you pretty cool too. It’s such a nice change from stories we see on here of SOs who won’t stand up for their partners.” crumpledspoon
10. AITJ For Telling My Wife That Helping Our Toddler Is A Responsibility?
“So my wife has also been the sort of person who sees helping someone as being owed afterward and will help on her terms. She now does this with our toddler (3) when she asks for help it’s either I will do it after I have finished this drink or send this WhatsApp, or if she does help she will say I will only help if you do this and this for me.
I told my wife helping our toddler shouldn’t be conditional she needs to know if she asks for help we will be there and not conditional on something. My wife’s response was simply I was being stupid and our toddler can do it herself or wait.
Am I in the wrong?
Edit: So an example would be my child has recently toilet trained yesterday evening she went to my wife and asked for help to go to the toilet, she even said she couldn’t hold it anymore and would pee her pants, my wife’s response was I’m busy at the moment I Will finish this cup of coffee, my child insisted she would pee there and then so my wife said okay I will take you but then you have to leave mummy alone for the rest of the night…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The word you’re looking for is ‘transactional’, and you’re right, parents should absolutely never have a transactional relationship with their child because parents have not only a moral and ethical but a LEGAL obligation to care for their child’s needs. A child, on the other hand, does not owe their parents any such thing; particularly a toddler.
What your wife is doing, telling your barely-out-of-babyhood child that she requires reciprocation for anything that she does for her, isn’t just disgusting (though it is certainly that), it indicates a profoundly worrisome psychological perspective on the part of your wife. Expecting to have a transactional relationship removes any emotion from the relationship – it would be a cold and unsympathetic way to approach a friendship with a peer… as an approach to parenting a small child, it is absolutely disturbing.
Does your wife have no maternal instinct? No emotional understanding of her child’s vulnerability and developmental stage that requires her assistance as a guide and nurturer?
Honestly, this isn’t just a little problematic, it’s kind of huge. I would be legit worried about parenting with someone who thinks that helping a toddler should be a transactional situation.
That kind of self-absorption and inability to understand age-appropriate interactions is worrisome. You are definitely NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I got something to say here.
You are absolutely not being stupid. Did your wife actually call you that word? My dude, you are entitled to better treatment than that.
I use the word ‘entitled’ on purpose. I’m a father myself and I’m not gonna claim to be an expert on it, but I try my best. And part of my best is realizing that it’s a delicate balance, but it’s important for us to teach our kids to have some reasonable sense of entitlement, like that they’re entitled to decent treatment from others.
And if they don’t receive it, they have a right to remove themselves from the situation, or stand up for themselves, whichever is appropriate. That’s just a part of loving and valuing oneself. Other things are transactional, sure, and we have to teach them that as well, age-appropriately.
But not everything. Some amount of entitlement is important for them to have self-love and self-respect.
Ideally, along the way, they’d learn that parents are special, and they can trust their parents and rely on them for support in all sorts of ways.
So I’m in your corner.
Your wife isn’t teaching your kid the right things if she’s teaching that everything is transactional. But I’ll add that you aren’t either, in a different way. If you’re putting up with being called ‘stupid’ then you’re not modeling a reasonable level of self-entitlement either.” ziptasker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mindset here is exactly correct and your wife is going to do serious emotional damage to your child if she continues this way. A relationship with your children is not transactional, it is not trading favors; It is her job to care for and assist this child, end of.
Especially with a toddler.
It’s okay for her to tell the child to wait until after she finishes doing something (if that something won’t take long, and presuming the kid doesn’t need help with anything serious), but instilling the idea in her that her mother won’t help her unless she does something for her mother in return?
That’s setting your kid up for some major issues later in life, and will likely cultivate a really bad relationship between her and her mother.
If she keeps on like this, your wife is going wake up one day wondering why your daughter doesn’t trust, rely on, or want much of anything to do with her.” kardiasteria
9. AITJ For Not Removing A Picture Of Me And My Friend?
“So I (f30) have been good friends with ‘Ben’ (m31) since my second year of Uni. We had a couple of tipsy hookups in our early 20s but nothing more. I’ve been with my partner now for a little under 2 years, and Ben has been with ‘Kate’ for about 6 months.
My partner and Ben get on very well.
So a couple of months ago was my birthday and my mates had all chipped in to get me a canvas made up of photos of me with all my friends. One pic is a group shot taken at a festival 4 years ago.
In it, Ben has his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder with a big cheesy grin. It’s one of a few pictures of us together at various parties/events, though the only one of us next to each other/touching. In another group shot, he has his arm around another female friend’s shoulder and she’s kissing his cheek.
So a couple of weeks ago I had a few of my friends back at mine, including Ben and Kate. I had recently put the canvas up in my hallway which my friends noticed immediately and complimented. Kate was quiet as usual but didn’t appear upset or angry or anything, even saying how cute it was that my mates did that for my bday.
I hadn’t given the evening much thought until last weekend when Ben’s flatmate mentioned that Ben and Kate had gotten into a bit of an argument the following day. Apparently, Kate thought the pics were inappropriate and disrespectful to her. I thought she was being ridiculous but figured I should stay out of it.
Yesterday he called very sheepishly and asked that I take the canvas down. That he thinks Kate is being silly but it would make his life easier if I at least moved it into my room or office. I flat out told him no and that he shouldn’t have even asked me but again, he’s just looking for an easy life and said he had to ask the question.
I said no again and he said something along the lines of ‘well, I asked’. I’ll be honest, I have a very low tolerance for insecurities like this (my ex was incredibly jealous which lead to a lot of toxic behavior) but again, figured I should just stay out of it.
I woke up to a string of voice notes from Ben basically saying that she’d flown off the handle and called me all sorts of names. That we’re both jerks for not respecting her boundaries and that it’s weird that I put it up. I basically just told him this entire situation is stupid and that I expect him to take care of it but the canvas stays up.
My partner later suggested maybe just moving it into the bedroom or something to try and keep the peace. I really don’t want to but dunno if I’m just being unnecessarily stubborn. I have a similarly sized picture on my bedroom wall I could swap it with but I really don’t want to.
AITJ?
UPDATE: She knows we hooked up.
She doesn’t take issue with the other pic of our other mate kissing his cheek cause this mate has been married for years (since before that pic was taken in fact) so I guess she trusts that that one is platonic.
Ben contributed to the gift and approved the pics of him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t move it. If you do, you basically tell his SO, ‘the world will bend to your insecurity to the extent other people will arrange their homes around it.’
This wasn’t even a picture of him and an ex (at the time), it’s just him pictured looking close with female friends.
Ben’s partner needs a reality check. He had a life before her, and she needs to accept that. She can voice it makes her uncomfortable, sure.
But her expressing that discomfort doesn’t mean others are entitled to adjust themselves if they feel it is unreasonable.
In this case, it is, because she is essentially ‘jealous’ of a picture of her partner standing with female friends, in a picture, before she was on the scene.
The fact she is jealous about that but seems okay with you and Ben being friends despite you two having a history (not saying there’s anything wrong with you two being friends, by the way) is really bizarre! Like, you’re okay with the girl he has hooked up with prior to being in his life and on the scene (which shows maturity) but you’re demanding people take pictures down of him being tactile with female friends?
What?” BoomTheBear86
Another User Comments:
“This is your home. You get to decorate it however you want. And the obvious solution to this problem is that when there are group gatherings at your home if Kate is uncomfortable she’ll have to opt-out. (The same way she’d need to if there was a similar photo of you and Ben at another friend’s home.)
That said, this really doesn’t seem to be about you. This seems to be way more about Ben, Kate, and whether Kate trusts Ben. The photo is what’s pushing the issue to the surface. Either Kate trusts Ben or she doesn’t.
And I’m not going to pretend that it isn’t reasonable for Kate to sorta be – I have a hard time understanding how you can be friends with someone you used to hook up with.
But again, to me, that’s a Kate issue. Part of being with Ben is accepting that you are part of his life.
That all said – I think it’s reasonable to say to Ben that you appreciate Kate’s feelings but that you feel they are something she and Ben need to resolve, that you and your partner have handled your partner’s feelings regarding Ben being part of your life, and that you really enjoy have the picture out where everyone who gave you the picture can see it.
NTJ (but I’d check in with your partner on some of this. he’s honestly going to be the person who understands how Kate feels the best. because he’s been in Kate’s shoes. he may say that the first year with you and being around Ben was hard but at the year mark, he got more comfortable and secure in the relationship.
so maybe there is a middle group- where you move the picture for a little bit to give Kate time to get comfortable in the relationship but it’s clear that it’s temporary.)” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your home, your gift, and your friends. if she feels disrespected she shouldn’t come to visit.
The gift consists of one image she doesn’t like and a lot of others she doesn’t care about of your other friends. The past is set. Done. She is disrespecting your space and your history with your friends.
If she has a time machine she can go change the past. If she doesn’t like to look at evidence of your life she should look the other way or not come to your home.
She’s manipulative and insecure but she is not your problem. Don’t feed a troll. She will only grow stronger and demand more of you and her partner – total red flag for him.” Fancy-Meaning-8078
8. AITJ For Calling My Son A Selfish Jerk?
“This morning my wife is having major surgery due to a breast cancer diagnosis. We are about 15 minutes from the hospital. Check-in was scheduled for 530 a.m. Unbeknownst to me, my wife let my 23-year-old son borrow her car last night.
My car is out of state because I moved for work, so while I am here, we only have 1 car. We decided to leave at 5 am because she is obviously anxious, and doesn’t want any added anxiety caused by running late.
As 5 am hits, my wife tells me my son isn’t home yet from the night before and he has the car.
I am immediately infuriated. I swallowed my anger so as to not upset my wife, but I was livid. She tells me he is 15 minutes out. I said to her, I guarantee you he brings the car back with no gas. He rolls up at 520, and I just give him a death stare and get in the car.
Sure enough, the gas light is on. He said he didn’t have time to put gas in the car. I stop and get gas (put about 15 bucks in just to save time), and we get to check in a little late. It ended up not being a big deal.
My son Venmo me 25 bucks for gas. I proceeded to text him and tell him it isn’t about the gas money, it’s about you being a selfish jerk and not being considerate of your mother’s situation by being late. This is who he is and I have had it.
He is oblivious to the world around him and the people in it. It makes me sick. This is not how I raised him. He has the audacity to tell me name-calling won’t solve anything and to get my wife to the hospital safely and stop texting him.
I am furious. I have had it with his entitled behavior. Am I the jerk for calling him a selfish jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son is old enough that this shouldn’t be a problem. If he has consistent issues with remembering deadlines and doesn’t have an underlying condition (autism spectrum disorder, neuropathy, ADHD) you need hard boundaries set if he’s going to keep living with you.
However, knowing how he can be with not coming home on time your wife lent him the car, knowing she had an early morning appointment. So I can understand why he may think he didn’t do anything wrong.
Letting your stress boil over to the point of calling him a selfish jerk accomplished nothing.
The added animosity in the house is not going to be helpful for your wife.
Boundaries moving forward are key. Either he needs to move out on his own, obtain his own car, or there need to be very strict boundaries about the use of your wife’s vehicle.” KkSquish17
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Firstly I want to wish your wife a speedy recovery and I think that will be possible if she has the love and support of her family. A rift between her son and her husband is only going to cause her anxiety which is the last thing she needs right now.
So you’d best find a resolution as soon as possible.
Your son is 23 years old, a grown man. Borrowing mommy’s car and staying out until dawn shouldn’t be in his wheelhouse anymore. Especially not on a Wednesday night. He should have a job, he should have his own car.
He should know about his mom’s surgery for Pete’s sake.
On the other hand, children are a product of their environment. You claim not to have raised him like this but that is obviously not true because here you are with a son that you raised who is selfish.
But he is right that name-calling isn’t going to help. Have you considered that you are letting your feelings for your wife’s condition boil over and manifest as anger toward your son? Being frustrated about the situation is understandable but what you said to your own child was very unkind.” Virulencer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I’m sorry, but your son is exactly what you called him. I don’t know if this is his mother or his stepmother but makes no difference because she’s having cancer surgery and he feels the need to go out the night before and come rolling in at the crack of dawn, knowing this was your only means of transpiration to the hospital and can’t be bothered with putting gas in the car, so you don’t need to worry about one more thing.
At 23, he should be living on his own and having his own car. I’m angry for you and ashamed of him. I know a few friends who would have either changed the locks and placed their kids’ things on the curb or given their kids a deadline to get out.
This is too much! He’s taking advantage of you.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“Going with ‘everyone sucks here.’ Hear me out:
Your son’s behavior is bad. It’s worse than yours, no doubt. He might have trouble acknowledging his mom’s mortality and dealing with his own fears in this situation but his behavior with the car certainly sucked. His behavior.
But by calling him a ‘selfish jerk,’ you are calling him names – he’s right. And that’s not an effective way to fix issues in relationships. Instead, maybe try naming the behavior and call out its impact on you and your wife:
‘When you can’t get the car home in time for your mother’s cancer treatment because you’re out partying, it communicates to us that your partying is more important to you than saving your mom’s life – and that infuriates me and hurts mom.
That seems like an incredibly selfish act.’
(Yeah, that gas thing sucks too)
The distinction is that you are attacking the (admittedly abhorrent) behaviors rather than your son himself. His identity is not at play, his actions are. Maybe he is a selfish jerk – I don’t know.
But I do know that when you attack a person, you don’t get them to change their behavior and you almost rule out the possibility of improving the outcome.
I’m a 59-year-old fart. When I’m dealing with people in their early 20’s, I try to remember what an incredible idiot I was in my 20s.
We’re supposed to be more mature and able to deal with tough issues than they are. And retain our composure.” dmicah
7. AITJ For Telling My Wife's Brother-In-Law That He Has No Right To Be Mad?
“My wife’s sister married into a religiously conservative family with rigid ideas on how men and women are meant to behave.
As someone who has a gay younger brother, it’s part of the reason I don’t particularly like her.
I was at my father-in-law’s birthday party when I was talking to my wife’s brother-in-law and he brought up his own family drama. It turns out his youngest brother is gay and was outed by their sister.
His parents responded by kicking him out and cutting him off financially. He asked his brother if he and my wife’s sister were willing to let him live with them. Unfortunately, they were trying to save up for a house and have an 18-month-old child, so they said they wouldn’t be able to support him.
In the end, he ended up moving in with his partner’s family and has been attending classes at the local community college while working. His life has been pretty much completely overturned all because his parents love a magic book more than they love their son.
Needless to say, he changed his SIM card, blocked all of his family on social media, and refused to see or speak to any of them.
My wife’s brother-in-law thinks this is unfair. Prior to his outing he and his brother had been close, and he says he tried to make it clear that he had no problem with him being gay.
I told him that this was all well and nice, but his brother had his entire life torn out from under him because of backward asinine superstitions, and nobody in his family was willing or able to help him. Whatever reasons my sister’s brother-in-law may have had, hearing that ‘no’ would have really hurt.
He has every right to be hurt and angry that his entire family left him twisting in the wind, and it’s no surprise that he’s decided to treat all of the ‘no’s’ equally.
My wife’s brother-in-law got angry and said that I was being judgemental because he’s a Christian.
He said that he would have loved to have helped him out but that it just wasn’t in the cards, and it was unfair that he was being tarred with the same brush as his parents. I asked him if he confronted his parents about their behavior, and he said that they needed to stay in their good graces because they’d promised to help pay for college for their daughter.
I told him that while he had valid reasons for his choices, those choices had consequences, and there was nothing he could do aside from living with them.
My sister-in-law has been blowing up the family group chat saying that I was rude and unfair to her husband and needed to be more sympathetic to him.
It’s turned into quite the debate, and a few family members have taken her side and said I need to apologize. My wife says I didn’t do anything other than state unfortunate facts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It doesn’t cost anything to let someone sleep on your couch.
If there were utility or food cost issues, they could have arranged for the brother to work to pay his way. Either through extra chores around the house (extra beyond the upkeep of his own space, cleaning up after himself) or actual money.
If the brother was able to get a job, then living there and paying reduced rent would have helped them save up even sooner.
His excuse has more holes in it than swiss cheese no wonder the brother is mad.” littlebitfunny21
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. while I can see your side, your BIL wasn’t financially able to take in his brother and it’s not fair you’re putting him on the same level as his parents.
He’s also trying to make sure his child has a future, which is the only reason why he didn’t call his parents out on their awful behavior. College is expensive, he shouldn’t have to risk his kids’ future over this issue.
It honestly sounds like your BIL is stuck between a rock and a hard place and it’s not really your place to judge his choices.
BILs younger brother chose to cut off your BIL just because he couldn’t house him, not because BIL rejected him. He shouldn’t be held to the same standards as the parents and he shouldn’t be put in the same bad light as them.” ManicPanicPeach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
BIL is being willfully obtuse. His brother isn’t a child who needs someone to raise him. He’s a young adult who can be reasonably expected to contribute to the household in the medium future – after he has mourned for the family that abandoned him.
BIL is relying on easily addressed logistical issues as his pretext for turning his brother away. He should absolutely not be surprised that adding ‘but it’s not cause he’s gay’ is met with some skepticism.” admweirdbeard
6. AITJ For Saying My Ex's Daughter Will Always Be My First Baby?
“I (F/28) started going out with a guy back when I was 20, We’ll call him Matt.
Matt at the time we started going out was 27. Slightly inappropriate, yes, but that’s not that relevant to the story. Matt had a daughter, Sally, who was 4 years old when we got together (is now 12). Her mom (Kate) and Matt split when Sally was 1.
There wasn’t any drama, they share custody. I wasn’t fully on board the step-parent thing when I was 20, I was very young. But when I met Sally we kind of fell in love. Because my school days were very short and with a lot of self-study, I’d often take her sick days.
And I had plenty of time to play. So we bonded quite fast.
Kate and I were on good terms. We weren’t friends, but we respected each other, and I did my best to abide by her rules. Matt and I split after 3 years together.
It was a tough decision, mostly because of Sally. Matt knew how much Sally and I loved each other and we decided I should still stay in Sally’s life. We had a lot less time. But I was thankful. As time progressed I’d still see Sally at least once a month, being a sitter if her parents were out and taking her out to play if she asked to see me.
When I graduated, she and Matt were there along with my then-fiance and when I got married to my now husband last year, she was the flower girl. She’s a preteen now, and we’ve gotten closer because she finds it awkward talking with her mom and dad about all the changes she’s going through (I only talk to her about things I know her parents already discussed).
She’s always welcome at my house and has a key. Kate and I don’t really have any contact. I only talk to her when I’m at Sally’s or Matt’s birthdays. As always, she’s not interested in me.
I’m pregnant with my first. I decided to tell Sally and Matt last weekend.
Sally was really excited. But afterward, she’s been distant in answering my texts. Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to come to my house. She agreed and I asked what was wrong. She didn’t want to say it at first, but then said she was just sad I was going to have a baby.
She always wanted a baby sister and never had one. I understood she was also scared she and I wouldn’t be the same. I hugged her and said she would always be my first baby, and that she was still as welcome as she’d always been.
And my baby would love to have a big sister. She was really happy.
Matt called me and asked about my conversation with Sally. I told him the truth. He told me Kate was furious with me. That she and Sally had been drifting apart, and I was making it worse by basically accepting Sally as my daughter.
Sally had gotten really mad at her mom for being angry and had moved to her dad’s temporarily. My husband says he understands my view, but that I have to remember Sally has a mother, who might feel she has competition now that Sally is in the phase of her life that she is.
Matt clearly thinks I need to back off now. I still haven’t heard from Kate. Sally is sad she’s not allowed to see me.
AITJ?
Edit for clarification: I didn’t see Sally once a month. I saw her at least once a month.
Especially since she grew a bit older it’s been more weekly. And during summer breaks we go hiking for days together, once she stayed with me for 2 weeks while both her parents were on vacation. I still haven’t heard from Kate.”
Another User Comments:
“‘My husband says he understands my view, but that I have to remember Sally has a mother.’
I think your Husband sort of hit the nail on the head here. The more healthy adults around a child to love on them the better, in my opinion.
But styling yourself as a ‘second Mum’ figure when you’re not involved with Sally’s father, so not a StepMum, and Sally has a present and involved Mum is tricky. In my culture, we call the adults around us ‘Aunt’ and ‘Uncle,’ even for family friends, etc. That allows us to have these close loving relationships like you have with Sally without overstepping on the parental roles.
You might have to check that this is really coming from Kate. It could be that Matt has a new girl who dislikes being overshadowed by an ex who is incredibly involved despite not being the mother of his kid. But either way, if the parents have asked for space, it does no harm to respect that & stay in touch with Sally via phone calls every few weeks.
And then after the baby arrives inviting Kate, Matt & Sally to meet your baby as an ice-breaker. No jerks here.” excel_pager_420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may have used words that inflamed Kate, but your heart was in the right place by reassuring Sally that your and her relationship will always be special and that it will not be harmed by the arrival of your own biological child.
Let things cool down a bit. Then, talk with Matt about how best to reinforce that Sally’s biol mom is Kate and that you have no wish to undermine THAT relationship.
And at some point, you need to discuss with Sally the complexity of her relationships among her various parental figures – biological, step, and ex-step.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, probably just stress talking
It takes a village to raise a child, especially a preteen/teen. You are a wonderful person for staying in contact with this girl and forming a healthy and positive relationship. And your heart was in the right place to reassure her that your relationship with her would not change even with your new kid.
Kate and Matt are probably very frustrated and stressed out with raising Sally and 12 is the age when at least one parent is on distant terms with the kid no matter what. Kate is probably holding on for dear life trying to keep a positive relationship, parent, and stay connected, and probably feels jealous you’re having it easier and feeling threatened. And Matt is doing his job by backing her up and being her partner.
I suggest taking a few days to let emotions cool and offer to talk to both of them with some coffee and snacks. Let them know you respect their relationship with Sally and how important she is to you are well and what you were trying to reassure her about.
It doesn’t sound like you knew anything about what’s going on at home so making that clear will probs make a big difference. Anyway, congrats on your future gremlin and on keeping a 12-year-old happy with you. You’re doing good!” ClassyCrafter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – providing security and comfort to a child who’s had a fairly disrupted parenting arrangement should always be the first priority.
If she’s drifting from her parents that’s very sad but it’s not the result of having alternative places to go: if you were an aunt or even just a family friend that could still happen and you’re not trying to displace her mother at all, you’ve been very clear in your stepparent role.
Both her birth parents should understand that in allowing you to form a strong bond with their child this is a situation they created and that it really isn’t a bad thing. You can all help Sally to rebuild the bonds with her mother by supporting each other’s parenting styles and maintaining boundaries that are agreed upon between the parents.
Stopping her from seeing you at this stage will only make the child resent her parents all the more because from her perspective it will look like they have chosen for her to be lonely and that they care more for their own jealousy and insecurity than for her happiness – and that will happen more, the less she is allowed to see you.
It seems like you need to explain to the parents that loving her is something you give to her, not something you take from them. Either way, they need some family therapy to sort this out, and you can’t force them to do that but you could recommend that they do it on the grounds of rebuilding their relationship with their child rather than on the grounds of their adjusting their position to you – I think a responsible therapist in this situation would be likely to represent the child’s best interests and honor and reinforce the strong bonds she has with all of you rather than to help her parents cut you off because it would be impossible to cut you out after so many years without damaging the child’s mental health at a very critical time in her development and also further damaging her parents’ own relationships to her.” redcore4
5. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Aunt For Outing Me?
“I (31m) am gay, I have been out of the closet since I was 17, and my niece (15) and nephew (17) have only known for three years now that I’m gay.
I was never allowed to tell them because ‘kids shouldn’t be confronted with things like that,’ according to my aunt and my grandparents.
I went along with it as I was living under my grandparents’ roof, they took care of them whilst their parents were at work, and I didn’t see the harm in it back then. I thought it was utter nonsense no matter what. I had no say in it as I was no caregiver of them.
Three years ago during a very casual lunch, I said I was going to the zoo with a friend. My niece and nephew being the age of ‘oooh is she your girl’ type of things, I played along and said yeah. At that very moment, my aunt said that ‘OP has a significant other like character X from this show we watch’, which is a gay character.
They were a bit surprised but it lasted for two minutes tops.
I however was fuming on the inside.
For the majority of a decade, I could not be who I was around my godchild and her brother. I had to lie about who my ex was and lie about who I was and my aunt took away my chance to tell them.
It really broke the relationship I had with her for me. It seems minor but it really hurt.
Now lately she asked me what happened between us because we used to be very close. I did move countries for my job but even then she noticed a difference.
During our video call, I told her the truth about how much she hurt me, and she started laughing it off. When I didn’t respond to her laughter she started calling me immature and for me to get over it. I told her she’d never understand and that I will never forgive her for it.
She called me a petty little gay, meant for banter and I just hung up.
She told my family and my grandparents are putting a lot of pressure on me to get over it. They really are people that can’t handle strife, especially within our family, but I refuse to budge on it.
She didn’t even give me an apology, not even one she didn’t mean. I admit I snapped at my grandparents and told them to get out of my business which they seemed to have done.
But AITJ for holding this grudge?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have a right to your feelings for as long as you need to feel them. She is a messed up person who is not much if a loss. But at some point, it may be time to give up. your right to be angry.
That’s what forgiveness is, giving up a right so that the anger doesn’t eat away something in your soul. It will always be your right. Any time you need to feel it, you will be able to. But setting it aside is something you will do when you are ready, and not before.
She has not repented. She has not changed her treatment of you. An apology is only a small part of repentance anyway. The big part is repairing the harm and changing one’s behavior. Maybe when she does that, you will be ready to set aside your right to be angry.” Sonsangnim
Another User Comments:
“This is complicated. She wasn’t the jerk for telling if she didn’t know how much it meant to you to be able to tell them. They are her children (yes?) so she gets to tell them in a way that works for her.
She was the jerk for forcing you to lie to her children all that time. Honestly, I don’t think you’re hurt because she told them. I think you’re hurt because she dropped it in casually after making such a huge deal out of it for years.
One minute she’s ‘don’t tell my kids,’ and the next minute she tells them you like men as if it’s not the big deal she’s made it out to be.
I think you should have called her out on it sooner instead of letting it fester.
She might actually have done it that way because she’d been laying the foundation to tell them and this was a good time. She might have been trying to convey that your s*******y is so normal, it doesn’t warrant a major conversation. It’s impossible to say, of course, and if you’d called her out sooner, you’d know.
Once you did tell her how much she hurt you, she could easily have apologized and said she hadn’t meant to hurt you. Instead, she dismisses you. I would suggest that you write her a letter explaining your feelings on that day, and about having to hide who you were from her kids, and about how little she seemed to care that she caused you such pain, and in fact, dismissed it like it didn’t matter.
Basically, a letter lets you say all you need to say without interruption and without forgetting anything.
NTJ. It takes a lot of courage to voice hurt, and to have it tossed back in your face just doubles down on the pain.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Them more than you.
Them: It seems there’s been no thought or foresight of the consequences of your upbringing and how that has affected you throughout your life and into adulthood. Also, the laughing off the issue once you made it clear that it wasn’t a joke, wasn’t a small issue, and really hurt you is not cool.
For you: Absolutely makes sense and is valid to be angry. But oddly also there’s still a relationship with your grandparents who demanded you hide your identity for years. It seems like some pent-up anger at all of your family is being directed at your aunt and this singular incident.
She outed you, wrongly, but it sounds like how you explained the incident it wasn’t with malice or anything like that, she simply didn’t realize it wasn’t her place to do that.
Some family dynamics can’t be repaired, but in your aunt’s case it doesn’t seem like she was the primary catalyst for your identity suppression around your family thought (wrongly) at that moment, and when trying to give playful banter, that she was being supportive.” PrfsrVChaos
4. AITJ For Refusing To Work At My Mom's Workplace?
“I’m 16, and I just finished my national examinations. Yesterday night my mom asked me if I would like to take up a part-time job at her workplace arranging books and putting them up on the shelves in the nearby bookstore for the new school year for University students.
(My mom doesn’t work in the University itself) The pay would be $8.50 hourly which I didn’t mind considering this is my first ever job. I would work from 10 am-5 pm, with unpaid lunch breaks from 12 pm-1 pm over 6 days. The total comes out to $306 for me.
I was pretty excited because I would be able to buy a better phone for myself with the money I saved in my ‘Piggy Bank’ as I have been using an iPhone 6 for 2 years or so now. Since it was already nighttime, I didn’t really check with my mom about things like what would happen to the money or where I had to go, so I waited till the next day to ask her those questions and told her to sign me up.
When I asked my mom whether I would be able to keep the money for myself the next day, she told me that I already had a decent amount of money saved ($150 or so) and that I wouldn’t need it.
When I told her I wanted to use the money to buy a new phone, she got mad and said that I was being greedy by stashing so much money away that can be used for things like groceries.
So I told her to forget it and I wouldn’t take up the job anymore. Now she is even madder because only a handful of people signed up and the bookstore really needed all the help that they can get and it looks bad on my mom for backing out of the job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is financial mistreatment in the making.
What is with parents who think kids owe them something for giving birth and raising them? You work; she keeps the money? Nope! That’s not how this works.
You are a child.
She is responsible for providing for your care. You are not responsible for paying for household expenses. If you take a job, the money from that job is yours. Get your own bank account; put the money there and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT allow her access.
She should be encouraging you to get a job and start saving for your future, not telling you to get a job and I’m keeping your money.” Misha2468
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom was very deceptive in how she asked you. If she had asked you ‘Do you want a part-time job and give me all of your earnings,’ your answer would have been different and she wouldn’t have had to ‘back out’ at her workplace.
If you do the work to earn the money, it’s your money.
Maybe I’d make an exception if a family is very poor and in desperate need of money to put food on the table. I think it can be appropriate for older children of working age to pitch in to help in a situation like that.
But even then, the conversations about working should be honest from the start, not deceptive.” BogBabe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You said you aren’t poor – kids don’t always have the best judgment and especially right now money is getting tighter for most people.
However if she did need you to take up a job to support the family – it’s fair for you to get to keep at least half of it.
If things are so dire she needs the whole amount then she should have communicated that and seen it as a favor she appreciated.
If you honestly aren’t poor then she’s ridiculous and that’s terrible.” littlebitfunny21
3. AITJ For Eating Anything I Want?
“I (M51) live with my wife (49) and three kids. A girl (24) and two boys (21, 14). I paid the mortgage, I pay the bills, and I pay for groceries.
My wife works band her money goes for our vacations and retirement. We are happy with this arrangement. She makes about $85,000 a year. I make more.
My daughter has a job that she got after college. My middle kid works part-time while he is in school to pay for extras.
All three of my kids will graduate their undergrad with no debt.
I work weird hours and shifts. I am writing this at 3:30 in the morning because I just got home.
There was a note waiting for me on the fridge berating me for eating a box of firecracker shrimp I found in the freezer and made myself for supper yesterday.
Apparently, it was something my daughter had bought for herself. There wasn’t any note on it in the freezer or anything.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. But I think it will be the last time. I am thinking of talking to my wife and asking her to tell my daughter that anything in the freezer or fridge that isn’t labeled is fair game.
Or that she has to start paying for all of my groceries that she consumed.
Because she does not buy the basics. She eats all the groceries that my wife buys. I don’t really have a problem with her living here rent-free and eating my food while she saves funds.
I have a problem with him calling me a jerk for eating food I found in the freezer in my house.
I should probably add that in the past I have found out that, more than once, ‘food she got’ actually just meant food that she added to the grocery list that I paid for and her mom shopped for.
AITJ?
Edit: Just spoke to my wife and daughter. The shrimp was purchased by my wife using our budget. It was frozen shrimp, not takeout. My daughter has now agreed that if there is food that SHE PURCHASES WITH HER OWN FUNDS she will label it and I will not eat it.
And I will make sure that the boys know as well. As for rent I still want her to save her money. Kids have it hard enough these days.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you approach it as ‘Please label anything that you want to reserve especially for yourself,’ which can be discussed as a house rule for anyone.
But I think everyone sucks here.
You claim to be fine with the arrangement… but the ‘in my freezer in my house,’ and specifying that it’s you that pays for bills, and not your wife, definitely makes it sound like you feel entitled because you’re the breadwinner.
Why is it relevant that your kids aren’t paying for college except to basically give another reason why your money is so important?
If you aren’t okay with your 24-year-old daughter living there rent-free and not paying for groceries, that’s fine. She’s 24. But then don’t say you are… that’s the root of this.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not so much for the actual series of events but for being 51 years old and having raised a family but still thinking everything is yours just because you paid for it.
If your kid wants something special, it’s completely normal to put it on the family grocery list. Yes, she should label it if she’s saving it for something down the line.
This is how grown-ups function – ‘don’t touch the broccoli, I want to make soup with it this week.’ But you need to cut down on the ‘my money my house my food my fridge’ crap because this is your family and not a bunch of refugees you took in temporarily out of the goodness of your heart.
If you want them to feel like boarders in their own home, keep reminding them you paid for everything and can take it away and they only use YOUR food and shelter at your discretion.” DrDerpberg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is very generous of you to allow your college grad, no student loans, adult-child with a job to live there rent-free.
It would be wholly reasonable for her to kick in for (at least) groceries every month. If she buys specific food for herself, she needs to keep it out of your fridge or put a note on it (and she better have a receipt showing how she paid for it).
She does NOT get to claim food bought by ‘the house’ as hers and hers alone, because she asked Mom to get it.
This is some seriously spoiled, privileged behavior. Dad – time to put a stop to that bunk!” BonusMomSays
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Son A Second Middle Name?
“I have two sons. My oldest son is named after my husband’s grandparents who raised him and his siblings and are the only family they had growing up.
My younger son is named after my late dad who passed away and his middle name is my maternal grandmother’s maiden name, as a way to honor the woman who advocated for me at times when nobody else did.
My dad passed away when I was 6 years old.
I was very young but his loss had a very negative impact on my life for many years, made worse by my mom remarrying quickly and her and my stepdad’s attempts to fill the void my dad left with my stepdad. It was my grandma who told them I needed therapy, who actually found a therapist and paid for her.
She was the person my brother and I both spoke to about dad when we didn’t feel like bringing him up at home would be well received. By the time she had talked my mom into agreeing I needed therapy, I was already 9 years old and honestly felt so very lost and frustrated.
In saying all that my stepdad has never been a bad guy. He clearly loves my mom, my brother, and me. He worked hard. He offered to help my brother and me get into college, offered to pay for college, and offered to pay for our weddings.
We never took those offers. But they were there. He was willing to adopt us which we also turned down. He wanted to share his last name with us, which we didn’t want. He could be pushy but not as bad as others on here have shared. He very much worked at being a dad to us and making us feel like his kids.
We never wanted that but I can see that he did do everything a dad or parent might do.
That’s why the name of my younger son came up. My brother named his older daughter after our dad. Now I am naming my younger son after dad.
I have honored two people from my husband’s side and two from my side with my younger son. He feels unappreciated. Especially because my brother’s younger daughter has a middle name after our mom.
My stepdad and mom asked me if I would consider a second middle name to honor him.
To make him feel like he is seen and respected as a dad in our lives and a grandpa to our kids. He told me how much he loves me and how much it would warm his heart to be loved enough for that to happen.
I said I didn’t want to give my son two middle names and that I appreciated where he was coming from, but my son’s name is already decided on.
My stepdad left upset and my mom told me I could have just given him a second middle name to make ‘my dad’ (how she addressed him) and wouldn’t even have to use it, but instead I hurt him deeply and I should be ashamed of myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your child, your rules.
I do feel really sorry for your stepdad though. He has the right to feel that way. Rejection in any format hurts.
Your kids will never get to know your father (they will know of him through your stories, but won’t get to experience his love or make memories – I am in the same position I know that though hurts).
So if you want a loving grandfather role filled to go alongside their only grandmother, (especially since your husband doesn’t have anyone on his side to fill that role) then I would approach the conversation with some tact and kindness for the sake of his relationship with the kids and the positive impact he can have in their lives, should you allow it.” Ok-Macaron-6211
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know. I guess technically, no jerks here. You can choose to name your child whatever you like, and no one should try to decide for you.
That said, you didn’t have to consider your stepdad your actual dad, but you barely seem to consider him family and he has been there for you in every single way that counts.
You didn’t have to forget or stop loving your dad in order to care about your stepfather, that’s just a choice you made. It’s nice of him to keep trying despite your constant rejection and dismissal, maybe he’s a better person than me, but I think I’d be keeping my distance, I probably wouldn’t be babysitting.
He’s done enough over the years while getting nothing more than ‘he’s never been a bad guy.’ No dude, a lot more than that. He provided for you, loved you when he didn’t have to, and has continued to while you’ve shown him little more than politeness.” MagicianGOBBluth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I am appalled at your mom’s behavior. She keeps referring to him as your dad and tries to force your hand by guilt-tripping you. She is the only jerk. I can’t even fathom why your brother honored her when naming his second child.
On another note, do they know life isn’t over? Like, you could have other kids, and maybe give another name later. But asking someone ‘honor me by naming your kid after me’… Cringe really.
Maybe him being a grandpa to your kids will bring you closer.
I had 4 grandpas growing up since both grandmas got remarried, and not-blood-related grandpas were incredible and really changed my life for the better.
Try not to blame your stepdad for the manipulative behavior of your mother. It must be tough loving kids their whole life, for them never to really make feel like they love back.
But if your mom hadn’t tried to replace your dad, and just allowed your stepdad to be just that, it would just have been so much better. Of course, you can’t express love and affection towards him since they act like if you do, it means he has replaced your father in your heart.
What kid would let their father die in their heart?
Maybe have a one-to-one talk with your stepdad? Tell him that you are grateful, that you know he’s loved you and you felt safe and he did a good job of being a stepdad. But you need him to accept to be that.
A stepdad to you. Because the father role has already been cast and the more he tries and forces his way in, the more you’re gonna pull away
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I wish you the best for your son.” Dont139
1. AITJ For Saying My Friend's Wife Has No Sense Of Humor?
“My wife (25F) and I (29M) were hosting a small lunch party for our friends. We’re also new parents to our little boy who is three months old.
During the beginning of the party, my wife was away at the shops looking for some olives because, for some reason, they were all out almost everywhere we checked.
My son has a pretty funny and chaotic birth story. During labor, I got kicked out of the room for around fifteen minutes.
Before you guys come at me with pitchforks, let me explain. My wife was laboring and her mother and I were her birthing partners. I went to use the bathroom quickly and came back, and my wife who was obviously in a foul mood (who wouldn’t be) asked me if I enjoyed walking around while she couldn’t get up.
Obviously, I took no offense because she literally giving birth, so I apologized. She then said ‘i don’t want your apology, you did this to me,’ and I made the fatal mistake of chuckling. I immediately got kicked out by her while my MIL laughed her head off.
I went to get a slushie for her (approved by the doctor) and I ran into a laughing nurse who was looking for me (sent by my wife) on the way back. When I got back to the room, I gave her the slushie and she was happy.
At the party, before my wife returned, my friend asked me to tell his wife, Molly, the story. His wife is eight months pregnant and the thought of labor is stressing her out a lot, so my buddy wanted her to hear a light-hearted labor story to ease her fears.
I told the story and we all had a chuckle, except for another friend’s wife, Cassandra. She did not find it funny and immediately started to berate me for ‘making a joke out of my wife’s pain’.
I tried to clarify that I was not making a joke out of my wife, but in fact, the situation as a whole because let’s be honest, it was a funny situation.
She continued to insist I was making it all about myself so when my wife got back, she clarified that she also found the story funny and she wasn’t angry with me for sharing it. Cassandra was not happy with my wife’s response and she kept insisting it wasn’t my story to tell.
I was kinda annoyed at this point, so I told Cassandra that it wasn’t our fault she had no sense of humor. She was extremely offended by this, so she left the lunch party, taking my friend with her. He is now insisting that I apologize to her because her intentions were pure (advocating for my wife who made it clear that she was fine).
I refused and he called me a jerk. AITJ?
Edit: Cassandra, the one who had the problem is not pregnant. Molly is the Pregnant one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Clearly, you unknowingly hit a nerve in your friend’s wife. She got worked up and took offense – ostensibly on behalf of your wife, even if your wife herself was fine with it.
Maybe you didn’t need to go all the way and say she has no sense of humor, but I understand the feeling. If she didn’t find the story funny, she could just not laugh, but it seems she got some issues that were triggered by your story.
Your friend is a jerk for calling you a jerk though. So it seems like they are a good match for each other.” FocusedContrast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife found the story funny and wasn’t angry at you at all.
She got angry because she believes that your wife would get mad at you for making a joke about her pain when you only joke about you being kicked out by her because you chuckle.
She even got madder when she found out that your wife wasn’t mad which probably made her embarrassed that she use the ‘it’s not your story to tell’ card. I believe your wife is ok with you sharing it as she thinks it’s funny also.
No need to apologize.” poqimo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… The easiest thing to do would be to apologize. She’s pregnant, full of hormones and, you’ve said it yourself, anxious. Even if her sense of humor is usually impeccable, fear screws with that. Your friend, on the other hand, is being a dutiful husband, at the expense of being a friend.
Again, first-time father, hubby to an anxious soon-to-be mommy. Cut them some slack. Apologize and avoid joking with them, at least for a while and about this subject matter.” Neomerix
