People Try To Understand What They Did Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Talking To My Mom About My Love Life?
“My mom’s always been my best friend and confidante and I don’t have anyone else in my life that I can talk to. She’s 74 and last year she lost her husband, who was her soul mate. But I found mine at that same time. Both of our partners shared the same first name, coincidentally.
Since she lost her husband, I have been withholding from talking about my guy because I didn’t want to bring anything up for her.
I loved my stepdad. He was such a great guy.
It’s been almost a year since we lost him. I’ve been dealing with some extreme health issues since the beginning of the year, and with the help of my partner, I’m finally getting back on track. I wrote a letter to my partner today, to let him know how much I appreciate all of his love and patience for me during this difficult time.
I was planning to make a special dinner and dress up in a cute costume and just make him feel special.
As my best friend, I finally reached out to my mom about my plans and asked her if she would read the letter and let me know what she thought of it. She shut me down immediately and accused me of being insensitive, especially since I used my partner’s name in it.
She literally called me a jerk for subjecting her to my proclamation of love.
I never meant to hurt her, but she is the only person I would talk to about this. She always says she wants me to tell her everything, but relationships and love are now off the table. I feel worse because I had booked a cruise for her and me to spread my stepdad’s ashes this summer and now she’s canceled it because I obviously don’t care about what he meant to her.
My guy is such a big part of my life and now I’m feeling like I can never talk about him. She won’t even acknowledge his existence. I feel like I’m the biggest jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s still grieving and grief comes out in strange ways sometimes. That said, I think maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your mother. You need a support system to be able to talk to, especially now that you don’t feel like you can talk to your mother about certain things.
Nothing wrong with your mother being your best friend, I’m just saying maybe foster some other close friendships too.” bee102019
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t. Your mom should be able to be sad w/o thinking you are cruel. I am sure when her husband was alive, people she knew lost loved ones and didn’t treat her like a pariah for still having her husband.
Give her time. Hopefully, she finds some happiness after grieving. You have your husband in the meantime.” Patient_Criticism231
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can be sympathetic to what she is going through but she needs to be understanding that you fell in love and the name shouldn’t matter. She can’t expect you to avoid mentioning a huge part of your life.” Comprehensive-Tie395
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Apologize To My MIL After She Insulted Me?
“I have a 1-year-old son with my partner and he’s our world but he’s a crazy baby.
He’ll have you chasing after him all morning and especially at night.
My partner works in the morning so his mom comes over after he leaves maybe 3 or 4 times a week. We don’t have the best relationship but I love her because she’s the grandmother of my child and my partner’s mother. I always thought it was important for me and her to have a good relationship so when she comes over I try to spend time with her but she’s a little judgmental so the time we spend talking and chilling together is usually short.
She was over at my house and my son had just woken up from a nap so he had all this energy plus the energy he has just being alive (LOL). I was cleaning and chasing after him (she was too but not so much) so I was just like ‘chasing a kid and cleaning is enough workout for me.’ She said ‘well that’s just lazy.’ I said HUH?
Then she started saying I’m lazy and if I want to lose my ‘baby pooch’ I need to exercise for real and blah blah, just being rude (IMO).
I just told her ‘get the stick out of your butt… it’s just a joke’. I usually never take to her like this but those comments actually hurt my feelings because they know how I feel about my new mom body (I used to be ‘thick’ but I gained like 20 pounds after having my son.
I’m now 145lbs.) She said that was disrespectful, got her stuff, and left.
My partner called me saying I need to apologize because I ‘know how his mom is’ and she ‘didn’t mean any harm’ but that hurt my feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
‘You know how my mum is.’
Yeah, a rude cow. I’m not apologizing for defending myself. But you should definitely be apologizing to me for not defending me yourself.
Don’t EVER make the mistake of thinking ANY woman is going to come into my home and fat shame me and then have the audacity to ask for an apology. And definitely don’t ever make the mistake of EVER thinking you can allow your mother to disrespect me and I’ll just take it.” Resident-Cricket1209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And if she wants to open the door to you to comment about each other’s bodies I’m wondering if she can even compete.
Honestly, I doubt that she would have said that in front of her son. She comes over when he’s not there because she intends to behave badly. It’s a way of taking power over you.
She’s not your mother. You’re not obligated to her. You’re not obligated to tolerate her. I would happily apologize for losing my temper with her wildly inappropriate comments while I explained to her that it probably wasn’t appropriate for her to come over when her son wasn’t there anymore.” Yui_Ma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your MIL and partner are. Your partner needs to grow up and take the side of his child’s mother. Why is she over at your place if she’s not helping? And why the rude comments? Maybe you could suggest that unless she’s polite and kind to you, in front of your kid, she can stay home and not see the baby.
I think she will quickly change her tune. If you apologize – she will always know that your partner doesn’t have your back and that you will accept all her rude judgy comments – and going forward you will face a much greater barrage of comments from her. So dig in, take a stand, and don’t budge. It’s called a healthy boundary. Sorry this happened to you.” DragonFireLettuce
20. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Friend After She Insulted My Parents?
“I am an African student who moved to Canada a few years ago for university. When I was growing up, there was conflict in the area and economic instability so I picked up odd jobs to help support my family and I helped raise siblings and cousins cause it was culturally expected of me.
Some of my friends and I were talking about our childhoods (we come from a variety of cultural and economic backgrounds) and I mention how I would work to help my family economically and help raise my siblings.
One of my friends said that it was really messed up how my parents made me do that. Note: this friend comes from a very wealthy family and has her parents pay for her college tuition and apartment, she has never had a job. I explained that it was quite normal socially and she said it was awful that my parents expected funds and childcare from me.
I didn’t like that she called my parents awful as they did everything they could to give me and my siblings a good life in the conditions we were in. This is where I may have ended up being the jerk. I told her to shut up and that she could have an opinion on what it was like parenting in my country when she stops using her father’s credit card for everything.
This upset her and she walked away nearly in tears. I have friends who say I shouldn’t have made her cry and that I’m a jerk, and some are on my side. One of my friends told me to post on here to find out if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the friends don’t even know where you are coming from, and the fact she thinks she has the right to voice her opinion and insult your parents is just plain rude.” rosesfornoelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were harsh but justified. Many people who are wealthy do not realize the amount of pressure money has on others nor the magnitude of its effects on someone’s life who doesn’t have much. You, yourself, state that they provided you with the best in their abilities given your situation. Being born into poverty or just ‘less’ is not mistreatment, I was raised in a lower-middle-class family and though I never had to pay my parents’ bills there were things expected of me that my wealthier friends couldn’t fathom (choosing a college based on tuition, having enrolled into scholarship programs before my junior year, etc).
Judging your parents based on her narrow perception of the world and labeling them as awful just because they couldn’t provide what seems ‘adequate’ in her eyes is a jerk move on her part. Continue loving and respecting your parents, I can see that you love them a lot!” kimbapi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, yes you were harsh, but she was trying to demonize your culture from her throne of privilege.
She needs to get outside of her shiny marble bubble and experience more of the world.” TCTX73
19. AITJ For Messing With My Partner's Brother's Phobia?
“I (23M) have been with my partner (21F) for a few months now and met her brother (25M) a while back. Seemed like a real macho type, hits the gym regularly, went through some police academy, plays Rugby, and volunteers with the fire department and search and rescue I think. I honestly found him pretty intimidating at first and he definitely fits that protective older brother stereotype but he’s overall a friendly guy and has a good sense of humor.
So my partner’s family likes to get together regularly, does family dinners or outings, and recently I’ve been invited more often to tag along. I noticed that my partner will deal with any spider she sees by quickly relocating it and not mentioning it. I figured since she’s vegan she’s got a thing about all creatures being equal or something. So about a week ago I was hanging out with her family and pointed out a spider near her brother.
The dude went pale and looked terrified. My partner immediately jumps up and takes the spider away then makes sure her brother knows it’s gone. After we left she told me her brother is scared of spiders and for as long as she can remember she’s always kept them away from him or at least made sure he didn’t notice that they were near him.
Plucking them off his clothes and pretending it was lint, discreetly picking them up and tossing them off the deck… I thought it was pretty funny such a tough-looking guy was so scared of spiders his little sister had to protect him but my partner got pretty upset with me for pointing that out and laughing.
Anyway, I figured I’d play a harmless prank. Guys intimidated me plenty of times and like I said he’s got a good sense of humor.
Their family regularly cracks jokes with each other. So last night I was hanging out with my partner and her family eating BBQ. I yelled ‘God, there’s a spider on my napkin’ and tossed the napkin at my partner’s brother. The dude leaps straight up and runs outta there. My partner follows him and he’s asking her if it’s on him and she’s talking to him like a kid about deep breathing and staying calm while looking all over checking for a spider on him.
I start laughing and my partner yells at me to know if there even was a spider. I come clean and her brother starts glaring at me then goes inside.
So now my partner is mad at me and saying I should never mess with someone’s ‘phobias’ and that it wasn’t funny at all. She wouldn’t even leave with me and is demanding I apologize to her brother before she’ll see me again.
It was literally just a joke I thought but she’s taking it really seriously. Like I see them making jokes at each other’s expense all the time and this didn’t seem any different? They even make jokes about her dad’s ‘phobia’ of heights!
But at the same time, the family has a good sense of humor and seems to think I crossed a line so I might be the jerk and missing something here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and the fact that you’re doubling down with ‘uh, it’s a JOKE’ and repeating how you thought they would have had a sense of humor about it and how HILARIOUS it is that this macho man is afraid, is doubling that jerk quota. Phobias aren’t something to mess with. Someone having a good sense of humor does not mean that they have to be good-natured when you’re purposefully trying to terrify and humiliate them.
It doesn’t matter what they joke about amongst themselves – they get to decide that line. You saw that the guy was petrified the day previous and you thought this would go down well?” Hollifo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You wanted to do something to your partner’s brother to bring him down a few pegs. It probably cost your relationship.
‘a tough looking guy was so scared of spiders his little sister had to protect him’
How did you type this and not say ‘I am a horrible partner. How did I not get dumped on the spot?’
If one person is laughing and no one else is, it’s not a joke. It’s abuse, harassment, etc. I assume you were insecure about being less tough, physically weaker, etc than her brother. And you decided to even the score to ‘prove’ you’re not weak.
Abusing his phobia is easy. Your partner’s brother is a mature adult and just went inside. You have remarkedly bad victim selection and lucked out that he did not escalate the situation.
Hopefully, you learn real quick and start apologizing a lot. Otherwise, your partner would be the jerk for not dumping you. You treated your partner’s brother horribly, refused to apologize, and refused to acknowledge you did anything wrong.
Your partner and her family are remarkedly mature.
She deserves better than what you are putting her and them through. You didn’t take anything away from the brother or make him a lesser person by exploiting his phobia in front of his family as you hoped. You just showed everyone who and what you are.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. People’s phobias are nothing to joke about, but you weren’t really joking, you were trying to put down the tough guy.
And it doesn’t matter if they tease each other from morning til night. You are still a guest in their family (although probably not for much longer) and you don’t have much of a grasp of what’s okay to say and what isn’t. Here’s a life tip, by the way: saying ‘it was just a joke’ is what every loser says to excuse their bad behavior.” Background-Ad-4616
18. AITJ For Getting My Son A Puppy?
“I have a 9-year-old son.
His mother and I split up when he was 3. We haven’t always gotten along, but we’ve always co-parented and shared equal time with our son.
My ex developed a fear of dogs after watching her younger brother be attacked by a neighbor’s dog when they were children. It didn’t cause any significant injuries, but she never got over it and still refuses to be around them to this day.
Doesn’t matter the size or breed. She makes her family and friends lock up their dogs when she visits. She’ll leave the park with my son if someone with a dog is nearby. She’s told me over the years that I’m not allowed to have one in my house if our son is there. I (and others) have told her numerous times that she needs therapy, but she doesn’t believe that she’s being irrational. She fully believes that all dogs are untrustworthy and can/will attack at any given moment.
I’ve been wanting a dog for a long time, and I’ve always wanted my son to grow up with one. I didn’t have the time due to work and living alone, but now I’m able to work partially from home so I have the time to train a puppy. My son and I went to two local shelters this weekend just to look around.
I didn’t mention it to my ex because I knew what her reaction would be. On our second trip, we ended up falling in love with and adopting a Blue Heeler mix puppy. My son adores him, and I think he’ll be a great companion to grow up with.
I called my ex privately afterward and informed her because I knew she would blow up, and I didn’t want her ruining my son’s excitement.
She was furious. I told her what’s done is done and I don’t need her permission to have a dog in my own home. She then sent a series of texts saying that I’m disregarding her feelings; that as the mother of my child, I should respect her wishes; and proceeded to send news articles of recent dog attacks. I didn’t respond because I’m not interested in engaging in her fears.
The puppy is staying, but am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if it’s your and your kid’s dog at your house, there should be no issue. She shouldn’t be trying to create fear in your son. My mom was terrified of horses, I loved riding them. She never tried to make me afraid of them.
That being said, deep-rooted fear can make people somewhat unreasonable, but sometimes it’s just terror that they can’t shake.
I think as long as the dog is placed in a room when she comes over, it should be okay. My dogs are big shepherds and scare people because they bark before the lovins begin but I still put them up until I know my guests will be comfortable and avoid the welcome bark fest.” AmFmCoffee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Unpopular opinion I see, but I’ve given it a lot of thought and came to that conclusion.
It actually bothered me so much.
My first thought was your house, your dog, no problem. Then I realized that wasn’t really what the issue is about. The child’s mother thinks a dog poses a significant threat to the child’s safety. She made that very clear to you. You still took your son shopping for a dog, got a puppy, then called the mom to tell her it’s done.
Now your son is attached to the dog so you’ve brought him into the middle of the disagreement between you and the mom knowing well it’s a huge issue for her. The mom’s distrust of dogs may be more than the average person’s, but it’s not irrational. Dogs can and do injure children – however small the likelihood is, it was a risk the child’s mother was not willing to take.
This isn’t a preference to her, it’s a safety issue. If the mother brings something into her home – a pet, an object, a person – that you feel poses a significant threat to your son’s safety, are you of the opinion that since it’s her home your concern doesn’t matter? If you think an activity is unsafe for him and she disagrees, it is OK for her to let him do it when it’s during his time with her?
I don’t know what you can do now except show the mom proof of your child’s safety with the dog – maybe statistics for the breed and an explanation of the steps you are taking to ensure your son’s safety.
But the bottom line is YTJ. You knew it was an issue with the child’s mother and you did it anyway. It doesn’t matter whether other people think a dog is appropriate for your child.
What matters is what each of the two people co-parenting thinks. And one of the two co-parents just proved to the other that when there is a disagreement, he’ll do what he wants regardless of her concerns for their child’s safety.’ TheOpinionIShare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your house it’s not like you’re together there’s no reason this would ever be a joint decision.
You got a dog, it only happens that your son helped pick one out, it’s not like she has to deal with anything to do with the dog i.e walking or feeding it. The most she’ll have to deal with is maybe your son talking about it for a few weeks.” tialaila
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. While she has no say in if you have a dog or not the issue is how you went about the whole thing.
By involving your son in picking out the dog you made it more likely that he will view the dog as his/his and yours rather than yours. And by doing so you have planted the seeds of a possible issue between your son and his mother. And that is what makes you a jerk. Had you just gotten yourself a dog without involving your son you would not be a jerk.” Tiamont42
17. AITJ For Not Going With My Partner To His Friend's Wedding?
“My partner is a groomsman at his close high school friend’s wedding this summer and asked me to be his +1. I was really excited to go at first, but reality hit when I realized it would cost $1k+ for the flight and everything. We both barely scrape by each month (we each make like $35k/year in a high COL city) and I am about to start law school and go into $150k+ of debt this fall.
(As a less important side note, I have never met or spoken to the friend getting married, and my partner will be the only one I know at the wedding; I think he knows one or two other people going.)
I expressed to my partner that in an ideal world, I would love to go meet his friends and support him but I cannot go because I am struggling to justify the costs.
At this point in my life, I have less than 10 close friends for who I would spend >$1k to attend their weekend wedding. I can also see myself missing close friends’ weddings in the future because of cost/law school debt and know I will regret going to the wedding of someone I don’t know.
He was sad when I told him initially but said he understood.
A week later, when my boss told me I could take two weeks of vacation in the summer, I asked if he wanted to go backpacking in Central America with me as my last hurrah before I start my law career. Based on flight prices and housing, I anticipate this will cost about $1k each. Ever since then, he has been really upset and disappointed, saying that I am not prioritizing him.
I feel like I prioritize him in every other aspect of our relationship and was hurt to hear that this one decision is enough to make him question that. This is probably my last window of opportunity to take such a big trip for the next 5-10 years, and I know I will deeply regret spending the $ to go to this weekend wedding (of someone I don’t know in a rural town) over a huge backpacking trip.
To add another layer to the situation, my partner’s parents recently came into money and offered to pay for one of our flight tickets so we would just have to split the other (so the wedding will probably only cost me $600). I struggle to even let my partner pay for me for anything, and he also acts really weird about taking $ from his parents, so I feel uncomfortable accepting their offer.
AITJ for not attending his friend’s wedding? Should I accept his parents’ money?”
Another User Comments:
“I can completely understand him wanting you at the wedding. I can understand him asking his parents to help him pay for you to attend the wedding… but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should YOU be paying any travel or lodging expenses during the trip. I would venture to say you shouldn’t even pay for food during the trip… though that would be up for debate.
If he was paying for the ENTIRE TRIP and you didn’t want to go – then he would have a right to complain about not feeling important to you possibly… and you could take that opportunity to evaluate your true feelings about him – it would be easier too!
First and foremost – none of your personal funds should be spent on this trip and if ever the situation is reversed – then you would pay for the entire trip.
As for your backpacking trip – take it from me (someone who too many times put her own wishes behind those of her partner) MAKE this trip a priority.
I would see all that this brought out in your partner. Question the red flags. Ask the hard questions. How long have you been together? (Rhetorical) Is it long enough that you have seen him in every season of life?
Meaning – you’ve seen him in high stress? In sadness? Under pressure? You’ve certainly seen how he’s reacting in this situation and this isn’t a huge issue but he immediately turned it into one it seems. That is definitely a red flag. Are there any red flags in how he reacts during other seasons? How often does your gut tell you there is a red flag?
How often do you feel something is off? If it’s not that often – then that’s great! But if that ‘off’ feeling is increasing – then it’s time to say goodbye.
I would think of one thing… is there a good friend you think you would have more fun backpacking through Central America with? If so… I would consider taking them.
As a poster suggested earlier – I would search deeply within (possibly with a therapist) as to why you have a problem accepting him paying for you, the help with the parents paying for the trip, etc. There are much larger deep-rooted issues here that should be looked into.
It would do you well to discover them young in your career and before marriage – they can be the foundations and building blocks that cause huge problems later in life. Better to cut the head off the snake now than to let that happen.
Finally… to answer your original question- you are NTJ!!!” Hippycowgirl71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but that’s ok, and this can be a simple fix.
So the fact is you got invited to something and said yes. You then found out the price and opted out, which according to you he accepted, but the reason you gave was about the money. You then were presented with an opportunity to travel, and now at this point, the money is no longer a factor since this is something you want to do.
It’s at this point where you became the jerk.
He is right that given the chance, with the cost being equal, you were willing to prioritize your desires over his. Now let me stress that this is ok, however, this is where you can prove to be a good partner or a bad one. A good partner would accept your SO’s feelings, own your mistakes and explain your reasoning and help him to understand.
There could be a healthy compromise somewhere but it won’t be found without a conversation.” blueicelt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, girl… just dump him. His disappointment at you not coming is fine. His exaggerating the situation and talking about questioning the relationship because you’d rather spend the money on a trip for both of you over a wedding to someone you don’t know is ridiculous.
And the fact that he brings out the tears every single time you try to have an actual conversation so that you two might come to a resolution smells like manipulation to me. This is not his parent’s wedding or a sibling’s. Not even a family member. It’s an old friend. You aren’t even in the wedding so he will not actually have much time to spend with you.
The only one who gets anything out of you spending money on this trip is him.
The fact that he can’t see the difference between money spent on an experience for both of you that you may not have the opportunity to do again, vs a wedding that only has meaning to him, is a red flag for me. His idea of prioritizing seems to be you doing things you don’t want to, with money you don’t have to waste.
And I repeat, you are not in the wedding, and trust that he will not have time for you as a groomsman. Y’all will literally not even be in the event together so why on earth would he want you to waste $600 to look at him standing in the aisle with a bunch of people you don’t know? He won’t even know most of the people there!” Fit-Dependent-9779
Another User Comments:
“This is your last opportunity for a week-long backpacking trip for up to a decade before law school? This seems a bit hyperbolic but regardless, neither of you is the jerk, just both young and have a little perspective and poor communication in your relationship.
You should do your thing. Not taking his parent’s funds to attend the wedding is fine. His being upset that you used finances as the excuse to not attend but then planned some other trip costing the same amount makes sense.
Clearly, you were not honest with him. The ‘you’re not prioritizing me’ seems like a response that if honest or had more self-awareness is really ‘I’ve been getting the sense you’ve been misleading me about some things and it’s upsetting because it makes it seem like you don’t care about me.’
You should be upfront with why you don’t want to go to the wedding and he should be upfront with why he’s upset.
I’m guessing your partner has no idea about your sense that you won’t be able to do anything like this for 5-10 years.
At the same time, you can’t expect if you would reject the money for his trip, that he would accept it for your trip. Despite others claiming your trip was planned for both of you, that’s clearly not the case. At the time you told him about the trip, he would need to decide between two trips each costing exactly the amount of money for him to attend which you have indicated is a stretch for either of you.
So, you gave him the choice between attending his friend’s wedding (which he clearly wants to) or attending your trip (which frankly may not be interesting for him and so would make him just as much a bored third wheel) and is further complicated by your rejection of travel due to finances and now you’re asking him to spend even more money that neither of you has.
THEN his parents step in with an offer neither of you wants to take. From his perspective, it’s an even compromise to take the funds and the two of you stretch to spend $1400 across both your trips which are individually and independently meaningful to each of you, and you are still saying no. The information asymmetry is causing problems.
So, perhaps take time to be upfront with your partner regarding how you really feel about the trips and your priorities, and your concerns.
Ask him to look past the confusion and figure out what’s really upsetting him, then go from there.
First trips are major stressors in relationships and often make or break them as they tend to expose a lot of differences in how each person manages finances, handles unknown or uncomfortable situations, and values differences (prefers to lounge on the beach at the hotel vs going out to explore).
This may very well be that stage for you two. As small a problem as this seems to those outside your relationship, this being a major issue for both of you doesn’t make either of you the jerk. It just could be the sign of incompatibility that perhaps is the better thing to leave behind going into the next 5-10 years.” weethomas
16. AITJ For Spilling My Friend's Secret To My Partner?
“So my best friend found out she’s pregnant. She was super excited and I’m super excited for her cause it’s her first. She only told me and her SO and wants to wait until she has her first appt to tell anyone else. I agreed to not tell anyone but I accidentally slipped up and told my SO about a week after she told me.
They know not to tell anyone.
My friend has crazy good intuition and confronted me about it and I admitted it. She’s angry at me for slipping up and telling them on accident because now they know before she’s able to tell her sister. Her sister is the only family she has, so I understand why she’s upset but they (SO) don’t even know the same people she does because we live in a different state as her and her sister.
My friend hasn’t even found a Dr much less made an appointment.
Like I get that it was a jerk move to slip up and tell my SO, but I feel like my friend is blowing it way out of proportion for an accident?
I’m letting her have plenty of space to be angry about it after I admitted telling them but now she’s calling my SO names and saying she doesn’t want to see them ever again.
My SO and I are getting married next year and my friend is supposed to be my best woman. I value our friendship so much and am telling myself it’s just the pregnancy hormones, but she’s saying stuff that is really hurtful.
So AITJ for accidentally telling my SO that my best friend is pregnant before she told her sister?
Edits for clarification of info: I have been with my SO for 6 years.
I have been friends with her for 7 years. He does not gossip or really know any of my friend’s friends or her sister.”
Another User Comments:
“I kind of want to say no jerks here. I talk to a close friend of mine about really personal things like my mental health and family problems. I think her husband is nice and have absolutely no problem with him, but I don’t have a close relationship with him and wouldn’t want him to know that information about me.
I asked her once if she tells him things like that, and she said she doesn’t. If he ever asked because I seemed upset or had a really long phone conversation with her, I expect she would tell him something along the lines of ‘OP is having a hard time right now’, but not go into further detail.
Others may disagree, but I feel like you don’t have to and shouldn’t tell your SO everything when it concerns personal information about other people they want to keep private.
You might be married but you aren’t the same person. You did not fuse your brains together when you made your vows. You do not want people not to be able to confide in you because they can’t trust you will keep information to yourself. However, in your case, it seems like you just got really excited and slipped up so I do not think that was total jerk behavior.
If you knew she didn’t want anyone else to know but the first thing you did was tell your SO, then YWBTJ. But keep this in mind for the future.” HoldMeBackOrElse
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to be honest. Sometimes your best friend tells you something that is only for you. I get so frustrated when my best friends admit to sharing my secrets with their SOs.
Your best friend has a bond with YOU that is not necessarily as strong as their bond with your SO.” Miserable_Worry_1046
Another User Comments:
“This could go either way. On one hand, yeah you told someone else’s secret and exciting news. But on the other hand, if there was a married (engaged) couple involved, I always assume that one spouse told the other spouse like they’re a unit.
Unless specifically asked not to share with my spouse. Even though I would need to think about that and probably decline being told the information because I don’t keep secrets from my spouse.” PuzzleheadedTap4484
Another User Comments:
“Honestly everyone sucks here, and saying your friend has ‘crazy good intuition’ as the reason you admitted telling your SO seems ridiculous. If you know your SO doesn’t gossip and know he is not ever around people your friend knows then there really was no reason for you to tell her you told him.
I feel like you maybe wanted her to know that you slipped up for some reason, which is weird.
She is overreacting for sure, but using this as a reason to hate your SO seems like there was already an issue with them. She is blaming the wrong person.” kimariesingsMD
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Ex-Roommate Her Part Of The Deposit?
“I (25f), Paige (26f), and Sarah (29f) decided to rent a house together in January 2020 (12-month lease).
Paige is the focus of this post.
The three of us have known each other since college. None of us were close, but we were on good terms. We had to put down around a $4000 Security Deposit, which we split evenly. Around November 2020, Paige had to leave town and was going to return after our lease had ended, and she was scrambling trying to move out early.
We agreed that we would use most of her security deposit to cover her last month of rent and utilities, leaving her with around $300 left.
Sarah and I liked where we lived so we decided to renew with just the two of us, so I told Paige that since we were not going anywhere, she could leave her stuff with us until she could get it out.
After a couple of months, she asked me for the remainder of her deposit. I told her that I would give it to her once she had moved all her stuff out, and she agreed to that. She did not leave a lot of stuff behind, just some furniture and boxes, so I did not mind if it took her a while to get it all out.
I asked her to move out the rest of her stuff around 4 or 5 times over the course of the following year.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: We were hanging out in November 2021, and I told her this was her last chance to get all her stuff out (I would have let her move her stuff out after that, I just thought saying that would get her attention).
I did not explicitly remind her of our agreement, because I did not think I needed to (we made this agreement over text, so she had it in writing). She told me that she was not going to, and I assumed she knew this meant she was forfeiting the rest of her deposit. Turns out, she had completely forgotten about it.
She asked me for the rest of her deposit a few weeks after our lease ended and we were fully moved out.
I will admit, I was not very diplomatic. I told her she didn’t honor our agreement so she would not be getting her deposit back. She was not happy. It was not a serious fight, but she was mad and thought that I blindsided her and should have reminded her more often. I told her that I reminded her multiple times, so it was not on me to make sure she did the one thing you have to do when you move out: move out!
I see where she was coming from, but I thought 5 reminders over the course of the year was plenty. We have not spoken since. Sarah agreed with me that since Paige did not honor our agreement, she does not get her deposit, but some mutual friends of ours think I was petty and should’ve cut her some slack.
AITJ?
Additional Info: She found a home immediately upon her return, and had the budget to rent a U-Haul.
We spent the rest of her deposit hauling away her furniture.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You provided her with free storage – for almost a year!
She could have moved her things. She could have done ‘free to a good home.’ She had plenty of options. She opted to not deal with it.
That had a cost.
As for your friends who think you should have cut her some slack.
You did – she had been home for months – when you finally said, ‘hey, final reminder. your stuff is still here.’ It was so long after she’d moved out that she had actually forgotten that you were holding $300 in exchange for her getting the last of her things out of the rental.
That’s a lot of slack.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you warned/reminded her several times.
Your other friends have no say in this. Sometimes friends think it is okay to take advantage of friends because they are friends, and that’s the worst thing a friend can do.” ConArt68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You DID remind her more than a reasonable number of times. You’re not her mother or personal assistant and it’s not your responsibility to prioritize her life and keep her on task until she gets her tasks done.” Significant-Ad-9758
14. AITJ For Pointing Out My Brother's Poor Life Choices?
“I have a brother. In high school, he joined a sports team and was good enough to go to college to play the sport and then get to play in the professional league after college. He wasn’t like Lebron James/Mike Trout/Tom Brady but he was good enough to have a spot on the roster, to play in most of the team’s games, and to be paid a six or seven-figure salary every year.
His time in the professional league was marked by legal trouble and eventually, he got cut. He signed with another team but had more legal trouble and eventually no team would take him. Now he has a long criminal record, he is bankrupt and broke, his wife divorced him because of his affairs and he has kids with all different women that he isn’t involved with and is a deadbeat dad.
He lives in our dad’s guest room.
He and I don’t talk or see each other unless I travel back to visit my dad. When he started high school I was in my first year of college and was living away and not at home. I graduated college the spring before he started and he went to college, not near me. I could already see the change in his attitude back then even though we didn’t live under the same roof.
Whenever I visit dad all my brother does is complain about how life is not fair after what happened to him. He has done it for years and I just ignore him and focus on my dad. I recently traveled to visit my dad after a long time between visits. Like always my brother complained endlessly about how unfair everything is. I tried to just ignore him like always but it got to me.
One time when he was complaining I told him what was unfair was that he wasted his talent and all the chances he got because there are so many hard-working people who never get a chance to play professionally or have what he had. He stopped complaining for the rest of the day but started up again later on. I didn’t say anything besides that one time.
After I got home from my visit over a week after I snapped at my brother my dad texted me that what I said to my brother was uncalled for and that I should say sorry. When I said it we were alone in the apartment and I didn’t say anything to my dad about it or even bring it up to my brother again.
I didn’t want an argument so I went back to ignoring him.
Was I the jerk? I model myself after my dad. He is my barometer for the right thing to do. But I told my brother the truth. I admit that I would have liked to have all the money he had when he was playing professionally. I’m not immune to wanting money. However, I have a good life.
I’m married to a wonderful person, I’m not in poverty, and my colleagues at the hospital are great. I don’t envy my brother being a deadbeat dad who is broke, unemployed, and would be homeless if it wasn’t for our dad. After seeing the effects of the crisis on hard-working people I have no time for my brother’s complaining and so I snapped once.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your father needs to stop enabling him. As long as your brother keeps himself in the ‘poor me’ mentality, he won’t get anywhere. As you said, there are others out there whose life maybe really wasn’t fair and who have been affected in many ways (especially by the health crisis). However in the end people have choices and people who have been worse off are somehow able to make it even with minimal opportunities.
Your brother’s current situation is all about him and his choices. He needs to take accountability.” sgz8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It seems like your brother wants to be a victim and not take responsibility for himself. You put up with that nonsense and it got to you. I would say that maybe he needed to hear it but he went and tattled to your dad instead.
It wasn’t ‘life’s’ responsibility to take care of his kids, make sound financial decisions, or carry on affairs that were your brother’s. You are in the right and I don’t think you’re a jerk for speaking the truth.” Nalahs_mom29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell Dad that you love him but you have to disagree on this topic. Your brother’s current life is the culmination of his bad choices.
You’ve been listening to his complaints about the consequences of his bad behavior for years. It’s also very telling that he tattled to your dad instead of doing some self-reflection. It’s also time to start talking about what is dad’s long-term plan. Be very clear that any help you would provide is for dad and dad alone. You’re not going to be subsidizing brother.” Flat_Contribution707
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (31F) got invited to be a part of my best friend’s (32F) wedding in October. I’ve known her since we were kids and are still very close. However, the wedding is in New York state, and I live on the west coast in Portland. After some calculations, I’m realizing that between the flight, a rental car, and the hotel, getting to this wedding is going to cost me at least $2,500, likely closer to $3,000 after other general travel expenses are added on.
I have $3,000 in my savings total. It’s taken me months to get to that point and most of that amount was from my tax return or other unexpected windfalls of cash. I’m living mostly paycheck to paycheck paying down various loans. I want nothing more than to be a part of my best friend’s day, but I also haven’t taken so much as a vacation of my own in years, and the idea of draining my entire savings just to uphold obligatory wedding traditions seems outright insane to me.
I broke the news to her a month or two ago that financially it probably wasn’t looking great for me to attend, and she responded understandably with a lot of disappointment, saying she wishes I could be there and offered some solutions to help cut costs. I was hoping for a response more along the line of ‘of course I understand and I wouldn’t want you to literally go into debt just for my own wedding,’ but I didn’t get that from her.
In a broader sense, I’m pretty mystified at the ways the ones we love expect people to spend a lot to celebrate their decision to get married. I want to be there for her, but I also selfishly wish to save this money (either for a safety net or a vacation of my own). Am I the jerk for wanting to set a financial boundary?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sometimes this is just how things go. It’s perfectly legit for your friend to be disappointed that you can’t swing it, and it’s also perfectly legit for you to politely turn down the invite because of finances. It’s natural that you’re both a little upset but neither of you is a jerk!
Don’t introduce all the other stuff about how you think the concept of asking people to travel for a wedding is stupid, because that will make her feel bad and it will feel like you’re blaming her for something that’s not really her fault.
Just acknowledge that your friend really wants you to participate in her celebration, it’s inconvenient and crappy that you won’t be able to come, and send her a small gift or hand write her a beautiful letter to send instead of traveling.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am completely mystified as to why on earth anyone would think that anybody else would have $3000 to spend on going to somebody’s wedding.
What is this? You were probably expecting the response you would’ve given, but you didn’t get it. So now, as quickly as possible, you need to tell them that you’re so excited they’re getting married and you’ve reworked the numbers and you can’t manage it. But you can’t wait to hear all about it. If this is the same caring friend who has a mutual relationship with you?
They should be fine. If they’re not? You will learn who they really are.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s getting married and wants you there. You wanna be there but can’t afford it. That’s adult life, if everyone’s mature about it there’s no reason this should be a friendship ender.
As for the ‘the ones we love expect people to spend a lot to celebrate their decision to get married’ this is very context-dependent.
It’s also important to remember it’s an invite, not a summons & people’s situations change over the year, the married couple isn’t privy to all their guests’ finances during their planning.
Some people would be mortally offended to not receive an invitation, others rsvp NO to destination weddings on principle, and some couples legit can’t have a wedding without making it a destination wedding for at least 1/2 the guest list (which is my situation).
If it’s a long-distance friendship often people will ONLY make the effort to come to see you if it’s for a wedding (but expect you to spend your annual holidays to see them) so maybe that’s why she thought people would attend?” Summoning-Freaks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. $3000 is a huge amount, even if it wouldn’t bleed your savings dry. I have traveled long distances by UK/ European standards to go to friends’ weddings on 3 occasions but never spent that much, and it sounds as if I was in a better position financially than you are.
Also, with 2 of the weddings, I managed to plan a fortnight’s holiday around them.
I hope your relationship with your friend doesn’t suffer over your non-attendance.” User
12. AITJ For Coming In Between My Partner's Friendship?
“I (21) have been with my partner Kenny (21M) for about 2 years. During the beginning of our relationship, when we weren’t very serious about one another, he ended up breaking a massive boundary in our relationship that caused a lot of trust issues (infidelity).
After I found out, we agreed to work past it together. He ended up making the choice of withdrawing from most people to focus on us and our relationship no matter how much I tried to encourage otherwise.
During this time, Kenny’s friend, Aiden, got it into his mind that I wasn’t treating my partner right. He started lying to both of us, trying to cause arguments, etc. It didn’t work, but it caused me to resent Aiden quite a bit, and it also caused my partner to withdraw from the friendship even more.
Due to this, his friend got it into his mind even more that I was forcing my partner to do this and went behind my and my partner’s backs, and got his entire family together while I was gone and had an ‘intervention’ – complete with a 7-page questionnaire about whether your relationship is toxic or not. Surprise surprise, the questionnaire said I wasn’t, according to what I was told.
All of this made me uncomfortable being around Aiden. I told my partner I no longer want to be around Aiden, and my partner decided to follow suit. A little while back, we talked a bit more and decided to both reach out and try to rekindle things with Aiden. Things were going well until Friday night. I had invited Aiden to go on a trip with us in a few months.
He made a remark about how he was surprised I’d be okay with that, so I replied and told him that I was sorry for everything in the past that I had done and that I was truly hoping that we could get along so my partner doesn’t lose his friend. He ended up responding with a very long paragraph telling me that I’m a liar and that I’m not worth it, and that I shouldn’t even be worth it to my partner.
I decided to tell Kenny this, and he ended up arguing with Aiden over this, for 3 days, and then them no longer speaking.
Aiden sent me a text last night telling me, and I quote, ‘You know, friendships shouldn’t be this hard. You came around and ruined our friendship. You shouldn’t have even said anything to me.’
Something to note is that Kenny and Aiden had a very ‘codependent’ friendship before I came along, due to a lot of bullying and manipulation on Aiden’s part from what my partner has told me.
Which is why it’s been so hard for him to cut him out of his life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So just to summarize Aiden tried to break you guys up, was called out on his nonsense, and continued to try and wreck his best friend’s relationship.
And when it backfires and his friend pulls away more because of it he doubles down and stages a so-called ‘intervention’ which surprise surprise didn’t work, makes him look like a jerk, and gets him cut off instead.
Then after all that you talked your partner into giving him a second chance, tried to be nice, form a possible friendship with him and he called you a liar.
And he thinks you’re the toxic one.
Hey kids can any of you say Projection?” Chimera-Prince
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to bridge the gap that had formed between your partner and his friend and it didn’t work.
Although, if your partner was better at balancing his relationships, there would not have been a gap to be bridged. While Aiden is not blameless, I think your partner is the major jerk of the story.
INFO: Why did you apologize to him?” Virulencer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being concerned about a friend and their relationship is fine. What Aiden is doing is not. He sounds very toxic to both you and your partner.
You tried to reconcile, but it didn’t work, he is still a jerk, and now you can continue to live your life without his unprompted opinions.” Feeling_Ad_5309
11. AITJ For Having Friendly Drinks With My Friend's Ex?
“A few months ago I (21F) broke up with my partner. Shortly after that, a close friend of mine (let’s call her Gemma) started going out with my ex. Gemma messaged me about it and asked me if it was ok, which I was perfectly fine with obviously, she’s my ex and I have no more business in her life.
It was a little hurtful for obvious reasons but we’re all adults so I wasn’t going to be mad over that. If they’re happy I’m happy.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I went out with a friend who’s new in town. I wanted to introduce her to some of my friends, so I randomly messaged some of them (with no particular preference, just some people I thought would be a good match with her).
The only person who was available that night was Kara, who happened to be Gemma’s ex. She came to the party with us, and we had a great night, and just to be clear: absolutely nothing happened it was all platonic and friendly.
The next morning, Gemma finds out that I went out with Kara and she flips out. She is furious and blames me because I didn’t ask her for permission before going out for drinks with her ex.
She says it was insensitive of me to do that especially since she messaged me to ask if it was ok to go out with my ex.
But here’s the thing: I feel like this was really unfair coming from her because I generally don’t believe in people having a say in what their exes can or can’t do with their lives, I feel like our situations were not the same at all, there’s a difference between asking if it’s okay to go out with your friend’s ex and asking if it’s okay to literally just go out and party together AS FRIENDS, and if they ended up being together, that most definitely means she must have met my ex behind my back at some point without asking me beforehand, so… WHAT?
I’m just at loss for words at this point and genuinely doubting whether I was wrong in not feeling the need to ask permission to go out with my grown friend, especially considering the whole situation surrounding that night. So tell me, random people, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you weren’t going out with just her, so there was no obligation to message Gemma.
Absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with someone in your friend circle, no matter who’s gone out with who.
Side note – I just want to say that your third point isn’t necessarily true. She may have liked your ex, but there’s no ‘most definitely’ about going behind your back; They may have, they may not have. I feel like you kinda threw that in because you got mad at her for being weird about you hanging with her ex.” flutterby727
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, it’s not the same. You weren’t taking Kara out, and it wasn’t even just the two of you. You were trying to show around a new friend and brought other people along. For all Gemma knows, Kara and this new person hit it off, but it’s none of her business either way.” k-squid
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel Four Times A Year To Visit My Friend?
“My best friend (30F) is pregnant for the first time.
I’ll call her J. J is due near the end of 2022. I’m super excited for her because she’s been trying for a few years and has lost her baby a few times already. So far everything looks good and she’ll be able to carry the baby to term.
I’m 31 with an almost 12-year-old of my own. I’ve been raising her alone for almost her entire life.
I also went back to college in Sept 2021 to chase my dreams. By the time J has her baby, I will be halfway through my second year. I’ll be transferring to a university in Sept 2023 to finish out my degree.
Now my problem is we live in different provinces and she expects me to visit her 3-4x every year so I can have a relationship with her child.
I’d love that but I don’t feel like it’s feasible. I’m planning on doing summer classes so I can work toward my degree faster. I also have 2 part-time jobs because my student loan funding isn’t enough to support my daughter.
I feel like J needs to lower her expectations. I make enough to make ends meet comfortably for me and my daughter but traveling 3-4x per year is a stretch.
My daughter is obviously in school too and her breaks don’t line up with mine. The thought of traveling that much is exhausting and I’m already tired. I’d rather spend my breaks at home relaxing as they are only a couple of weeks long at the most and I don’t want to burn out.
I need to talk to J about this before she gets too attached to the idea but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
My schooling is super important to me, and I’ve worked really hard to make it happen. She even wants me to go to university in her city so I can be close.
AITJ/WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, but why are you making this so hard on yourself? If you aren’t able to live up to her expectations, (and most people wouldn’t be) it’s not about getting her to lower them.
It’s about telling her that what she wants isn’t possible, and then maybe trying to find some common ground. Maybe Zoom calls for a while etc.
If she’s expecting you to be her sole support system, you do need to point out this won’t work. I also noticed that all her ideas involve you going to her, or even you moving there. You’re going to have to be firm that this stuff isn’t happening.
In a way, it’s pretty self-absorbed if she’s forgetting you have your own life and plans, too.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t worry about it too much now, just tell her you’ll be there as much as possible, and hope that she can visit you also, once the baby is old enough to travel. If something conflicts with your schedule or your daughter’s, you just say no, and can’t make it.
I only see my friend’s son maybe once or twice a year, but we do FaceTime and stuff so he knows me.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I hate to be this person but has she always wanted you close even before the pregnancy, or could this be a case of trying to have free baby help or possibly her just being one of those people who thinks everyone wants to see their kid constantly?” dingthewitchisdeaf
9. AITJ For Telling My Ex The Way They Spoke To Me Was Disrespectful?
“I realized yesterday I had a severely flat tire while I was racing out the door to pick up my kids from school. I had to call their dad and apologize for dropping it on him but I needed help picking them up on time.
While he did that, and I was grateful and said so frequently, I arranged for a service to come and put on a replacement tire.
The service all in all cost me £119 plus tax.
I examined the tire and saw that it has a huge screw in it and it was closer to the wall than the center tread so that’s why I decided to go for a new tire vs a repair.
Almost all of my driving is with my kids and I just thought the hassle of getting the tire off, putting on the spare, and getting to a tire center would not really save me anything in the long run.
For context I also considered this in making my decision: a) my last tire their dad arranged to be put on cost £89 and it wasn’t the recommended brand.
b) I’m a tiny woman and I’d have to ask the kid’s dad or someone else to help me get the lug nuts off and replace the tire c) their dad constantly complains about how busy and stressed out he is – I try to not ask for anything. d) I don’t have a lot of disposable cash at the moment so wanted to make a smart financial choice.
So here’s the situation: after getting the kids I told him that I arranged to get it sorted the next morning through service and wouldn’t need much help (just with school drop-off). He kindly offered that he could put on the spare and take my punctured tire to the tire shop (remember this is already evening and they are closed here). I said that’s ok, I explained that I thought it was the prudent thing to do given the situation and that even if it only cost £20 to fix the puncture now I’d likely have to get a proper tire sooner than later anyway for £80-100 so it just made sense to me to do one and done with least hassle.
He kept going on about how he’d fixed punctures in the past and they could last. I’d already ordered it and still felt comfortable with my decision so said thanks but it’s ok.
Ok so the next day he’s dropped off the kids and the tire service shows up. He reiterates his points and asked about the type of tire. I told him I got the Bridgestone type and size recommended for my car.
And in front of the tire service guy, he says to me ‘you’re joking me, that’s ridiculous.’
I said no, I’m not joking, it wasn’t any more expensive than the brand he’d ordered for my car that wasn’t the recommended tire and less trouble.
This absolutely blew up. Majorly and shockingly. According to him, I’m the jerk because I didn’t listen to his suggestion yesterday and made him feel bad by stating my reasoning for the tire service (that I was criticizing his suggestion and him for suggesting to drive on a temporary tire?
By the way, I never said anything critical) and also for telling him I felt his comment to me in front of the guy was disrespectful to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s clearly self-conscious of his abilities and deflecting them onto you. He made a mistake but still got you driving last time, and this time you just want to make sure you take the steps to prevent spending even MORE money in the future.
He’s a jerk for his reaction, you did nothing wrong.” nicohiragasnutbucket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You honestly didn’t ask for any suggestions; you had already made up your mind on what you wanted to do.” Amaya_glass
8. AITJ For Not Listening To My Teacher?
“Today in class my ‘friend’ that I sit next to threw something and asked me to get it. I’m repeatedly asking where is it and she’s shoving me over and over again. I fall over but catch myself and my water bottle falls so obviously I’m already mad. The teacher turns around and tells me to move. I tell him that I was pushed. He then makes both of us move.
I ask why I have to move if I didn’t do anything to which he has no answer and keeps saying move. I’m sitting there like no, ‘I didn’t do anything’ ‘I got SHOVED, and now I’m in trouble?’ etc similar remarks.
His voice is raising throughout this whole ordeal and he eventually says go to the office then and starts walking to his desk.
And I’m like for getting pushed? And he says it’s the same thing every day. I have never been in an argument with this teacher, nor do I act up in his class. He ends up yelling something about the office one more time and I just stare at him and move. The girl then tries making a joke like ‘should get a plastic water bottle’ (mine is a pink flask so it made a noise when it hit the floor).
I reply with ‘don’t talk to me you’re annoying me,’ and her face goes from laughing to straight so quick.
The same sort of incident happens later and I again just pretty much told her to shut up and that she annoyed me. Am I wrong for not laughing at her joke? Should I have just moved? Should I have gone to the office even though I did nothing wrong?
I don’t know but this situation continues to annoy me and I really really don’t want to go back tomorrow.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, I understand you’re mad and it sucks that you got in trouble for something you initially didn’t do, but you’ve got to look at this from the teacher’s perspective too. If I’m in front of a room of 20+ kids and something happens that I don’t have the time or ability to sit and watch cameras to sort it out at that moment, then I’m just going to move people.
End the altercation, and sort it out later. Asking you to move isn’t getting you in trouble. Parents aren’t being called, no punishment.
But here’s where you were the jerk, instead of just moving, you carry on. You argue about it. The teacher asks you to move again. You still argue. Now the class has been stopped for multiple minutes and you’re still not moving.
So higher consequences have to come. You’re told to go to the hall. Nope, you’ve decided again to ratchet things up a notch and still refuse. Now, how do you expect that teacher to do anything but get you in serious trouble? If you had moved when asked you would have been away from the girl which is exactly what you wanted. You could have even just talked to the teacher after class and explained what really happened and I bet the teacher would have explained why they asked everyone to move.
Sorry but YTJ when you choose to keep amping the situation higher and higher.” KraezyMathTeacher
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – The teacher wasn’t blaming anything on you, he was just asking you to move to get you two separated. The man’s just trying to get back to teaching as quickly as possible. However, he should have disciplined the girl horsing around in class, shoving you, and distracting everyone.
The other girl is a jerk, because, well obviously.
And you’re the jerk for arguing with your teacher instead of moving. Next time just move.” fibchopkin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He didn’t ask why you were doing what you were doing, and you weren’t in trouble. He just asked you to move, probably to separate you from the person causing problems. You belligerently refused and copped an attitude.
That’s why you were asked to go to the office. Then refusing to do that was really bad.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Geezus… angry much? You went from zero to 1000 in 5 seconds. Don’t do stuff for this ‘friend’ anymore. And don’t take out your bad behavior and your friend’s awfulness on your teacher. Teacher should be able to manage the class without having to deal with idiots all day.” notquiteright519
7. AITJ For Hating Someone's Perfume Smell At The Gym?
“This woman comes to the gym most early mornings I am there with 1-2 other friends. I run on the treadmill hard as it is still dark outside and I don’t run on roads in dark.
The first time this woman got on the treadmill next to me, the smell of her perfume was so intense, it was in my mouth.
I took my towel and tried to fan the smell away. After her whole 5 min on the treadmill, she got off and the smell was still so strong. I fanned the area she was in to get the smell away. The guy a few treadmills away (who chatted with the woman and her group when they got there) chuckled. There have been times when she has been close, but not next and it’s still awful.
Today she was next to me and I couldn’t take it. It makes it very difficult to run at hard speeds. I fanned a few times trying to be discreet, but today was the worst. I actually ran with the towel over my face. When she got off, I fanned the air after she left. She looked back and saw me doing it. I felt really bad.
I felt like every time I looked in her direction she was giving me the evil eye.
AITJ or is she for wearing so much perfume at a gym?
If I am the jerk, how do I not be one? She’s never on for more than 5-10 min, should I just move or******* up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but honestly I would still just move away until she leaves to save yourself the discomfort of running with the towel on your face.
I could understand someone putting on a nice-smelling deodorant for the gym, but not layering on the perfume. People are going to sweat and work, not be seen and smelled.” BKDOffice
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, the problem is real, it was the delivery of the message that I have an issue with. I’m sensitive to many scents. Many years ago, I was at a gym where many patrons would do the ‘spray a wall and walk through’ method of applying scent after showering.
After the third time, someone had a reaction, one actually had to have the paramedics call, and management banned the practice. Maybe ask the management of your gym if they can make a policy against scents. Or fake anaphylaxis.” Pspaughtamus
Another User Comments:
“Maybe you could ask the gym about their policy on wearing heavy fragrances in this sort of environment. There are many places where strong scents are discouraged. Perhaps if they were aware that someone was wearing a strong enough scent that it was actively disturbing other gym goers they could put up a sign or something.
I don’t think anyone is the jerk here. The gym-goer with the perfume likely just doesn’t realize how strong it is to those who are with her. You are NTJ cause you were not trying to offend, and it’s normal to want to remove a heavy scent from your immediate area if it’s disturbing you.” Responsible_Tea8318
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yes, it’s inappropriate to wear a lot of perfume/cologne at the gym.
But, use your words! If she approaches a treadmill next to you while you’re already running, politely ask her to use another treadmill and tell her that you’re very sensitive to perfume and that she wears a lot of it and it makes it hard for your to finish your workout. Or, move yourself. Or, get a fan and point it at yourself to blow her perfume away.
This is also a good reminder to never change how much perfume you wear once you get nose blind to it. Most people who wear entirely too much fragrance got there by spraying on more and more after their own brains stopped registering it. It’s understandable, but it’s also super rude to smell that much.” ghostforest
6. AITJ For Moving Out After A Heated Argument?
“My roommate (20F) seems rather unsocial and shy at first so I (20F) try my best to make her feel comfortable in college by helping out wherever possible.
The first two months are alright. She seems really close with her mom, meaning they talk multiple times during the day. She does seem to never go out of the room. But she tells me that she ‘was’ a short-tempered person, the kind who makes a scene in public when things don’t go her way.
Once when I was meeting my partner after a really long time, I asked her if she would go into the side room which is empty for a short while, she goes but with a look of disgust and immediately calls up her mom to complain.
I try to go talk to her but she ignores me and then snaps at my partner when he tries to talk. So we leave and later I tell her she should’ve just told me straight up if she was uncomfortable. She says she doesn’t like to leave her space. I accept that but she continues to ignore me for a few days after that anyway, at which point I don’t bother to talk to her either.
She apologizes a few days later saying it was an impulsive reaction. I decided to give her a second chance. Everything seems normal until one night when it’s very late and I’m trying to sleep she’s up talking to her partner on the phone quite loudly. I ask her to speak in a lower voice. She ends the call and I sleep. She ignores me again.
This happens a few times about random stuff and I make sure that I’m rarely in the room and if I am I put on earphones and ignore her constant ranting to her mom about everything.
She’s the kind of person who ends up saying rude stuff to people and about people without really bothering if it’s hurtful. She complains about a few common friends to my friend and me constantly.
She ended up yelling at a classmate once because he was doing a group project without informing her of what is going on. So I realize that everyone basically hates her.
One day our entire class (20ish people) was going out for someone’s birthday treat. We all eat and leave because it’s quite late. My roommate stays back because she didn’t get her cold drink and calls the bday guy after we’ve left to send her funds to buy it.
He refuses because the party’s over and she goes back to the room alone sometime after us. When I finally go back she starts screaming at me about how rude we are to have left her like that and how we should’ve waited for 5 minutes. I ask her if she didn’t see 20 people leaving and expected us to babysit her and always make sure she was with us or if we need to wait for her and check if she was done eating.
She says we don’t involve her and that she’s always super nice to everyone. A heated argument ensues and I leave the room and move out to the side room with all my stuff the next day.
Should I have stayed and tried to set proper boundaries or reason with her? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not really anyway. You asked her to leave a common area of the home so you could be alone with your partner.
(You should have asked her ahead of time. That would have diffused any potential for negativity.) I get that roommates sometimes ask such things of one another. That doesn’t make it reasonable, though. You were rude to her. She was rude right back. (Plus she is a drama queen and expects you to put up with her pugnacious attitude. No thanks.) And now the two of you have this hostility between you.
Moving out is certainly a reasonable option, rather than staying and having more hostility. You don’t owe anyone additional patience with their absurdities. She’s not your child. You don’t have to stay and fix her.” Traditional-Corgi223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she wants to cash in on friendships that don’t exist, you tolerate her because of proximity. Your inability to cut her out of your life completely isn’t by choice.
Her demanding certain treatment simply because she believes herself entitled to it doesn’t create an obligation in those around her.
You gave her several chances to work through the problems in your relationship with you, her choosing to continue using the same tactics is entirely her responsibility.” 3tzamani
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friendship seems so toxic. Moving out was probably the best thing you could do for the both of you, especially you cause she honestly sounds like a real pain in the butt to deal with.
Glad you are now out of the room and are able to successfully distance yourself from her.” Feeling_Ad_5309
5. AITJ For Parking In Front Of An Establishment?
“My co-worker and I are split on this.
We work for a small business that is in a strip of other businesses. The parking lot is owned by the landlord, so no individual business owns or has a claim to the parking spaces.
This morning there was nowhere else to park when I came in, so I parked right in front of the door of our next-door business. Not ten minutes later, the (manager?) of that business pokes her head in the door and tells my co-worker I need to move my car because I’m in a spot her customers should be using.
This makes no sense to me – her customers regularly park in front of our door, too, and elsewhere in the parking lot. That’s obviously the ‘prime’ spot but… not a big deal, yea? Also, I’m not sure how she knew it was MY car. I’m fairly new and it isn’t like the car has the business name on it or anything. So she was watching me?
Creepy to boot.
I declined and my car is still there, but my co-worker said they usually just avoid parking there because she ALWAYS comes and bullies us about it.
So AITJ, should I move the car just to make nice?
Edit with new info: She called to harass our business owner about it. LOL. The car is now moved, but we’re still interested in responses.
I actually posted this for my co-worker.”
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ if there were no other spots I think it was fine for a temporary solution, but in general most employees park away from the doors to leave those spots for customers. We will stack our cars at my office to make sure there are at least two spots for clients, and when I worked retail back in the day we were always told to leave the first few spots open for customers.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but really this is the landlord’s call, not the tenant’s. If it is reserved parking then it should have signage. If there are time limits again signage. If employees are not allowed to park in the lot then that should have been made clear to all employees and tenants. All I am hearing is assumptions and not actual rental agreements.” Agitated-Armadillo13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if there is a mutual understanding or agreement between businesses in your area about not parking in front of other businesses if you are not their employee or customer.
But if there is no such understanding then that manager is just a jerk and you are NTJ.
She has no legal rights to those parking spots and if she wants to have authority over those parking spots then she should talk to the landlord and not harass other people.” decaname
4. AITJ For Charging A Wedding Guest For Bringing Her Uninvited Kids?
“I had my wedding last weekend. It was a small wedding at a small venue that has a strict capacity due to fire codes. One of my guests showed up with her 2 children, who were not invited, not in the RSVP, and obviously not on the seating chart. She came in and decided to seat them at her table, taking away the spots of my other guests who were actually invited. A small commotion broke out when she refused to give those seats back, and the venue manager noticed and said that we’d be charged a fine for exceeding capacity, as stated in the contract.
When I got the bill, I sent it to her and asked that she pays for it. She claimed that it is not her fault and that I should have factored in unforeseen charges when budgeting for my wedding. And she couldn’t find a babysitter, so she had no choice, and I should be grateful she took the effort to attend my wedding anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and wow, that guest had a lot of nerve.
‘She claimed that it was not her fault.’ Well, exactly whose fault did she think the thing THAT SHE DID was, then? God, I love people who absolutely refuse to take any responsibility for their own actions. Of course it was her fault. She literally did it. And now she can deal with the consequences of actions that are hers and hers alone, which are a bill from the venue for exceeding capacity.
‘She couldn’t find a babysitter, so she had no choice.’ There is always a choice. In this case, the choice was staying home with her kids, which would have cost her nothing, and would have cost you only the price of her meal instead of an overcharge from the venue manager.
‘I should be grateful that she (made) the effort to attend.’ There is… that weird thing where people have no comprehension of what gratitude is supposed to mean.
No, she is not important enough to ANY wedding as a guest for you to need to feel ‘grateful’ that she showed up with two uninvited guests and cost you an additional bill from the venue. You do not have to feel ‘grateful’ for that, LOL. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that it’s only in AITJ that people are expected to feel ‘grateful’ for others causing them stress, money, and other disadvantages.
Obviously, you are NTJ, but your guest most certainly is.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – She obviously sucks, and I really hope you cut her out of your life after this, however you are the jerk here as well. Not for charging her though, for not kicking her out, or having your husband kick her out, or having someone in the wedding party kick her out.
You knew the rules, and instead of kicking her out, you did nothing. Your hopeful ex-friend is right, it is not her fault, because YOU did not do enough to stop it.” jeremycb29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had so many options with regard to her actions, and she chose to be trashy. She could have asked a family member to babysit or organized a babysitter in advance (I assume this wasn’t a last-minute wedding), not attended, or even just contacted you, explained, and asked for options/what you can manage in terms of attendance – instead, she turned up and basically went ‘You should be grateful that I graced you with my presence.’ Ooft.
OP, you deserve better friends.” CalypsoContinuum
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She absolutely should not have come. The unforeseen lack of a babysitter means she stays home, not bring her kids. But you also chose to allow them to stay rather than having them asked to leave. You didn’t tell her she would be charged for bringing them both and give her the chance to go instead.
At that point, you chose to accept the situation. So she’s the jerk for coming and you are for charging her.” Internal_Progress404
3. AITJ For Saying My Best Friend's Family Is The Family I've Always Wanted But Never Had?
“My parents divorced when I was 5. I cut contact with my father and his side of the family 5 years ago, and on my mom’s side, there was my grandma and my uncle. Also, my mom and I live in Italy, my uncle in Russia, and my grandma in our home country in Eastern Europe.
Before I cut contact with my dad I would be his trophy daughter whenever it was his weekend without putting any effort into bringing me up. As you can imagine I don’t have a normal family but I do love everyone on my mom’s side of the family very much and wouldn’t trade them for anything. I do have a best friend that is basically my sister and I’ve met almost everyone in her family (grandparents uncles, aunts, cousins, everyone) and there are a lot of people.
They also live very close to each other.
My mom picked me up from practice and was talking on the phone with my grandma. Somehow the subject of my best friend’s family came up and my grandma asked me why are they so important to me. I basically told her and my mom that I consider them the family I never had but always wanted. My grandma started to curse me out even though I said I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
My mom told her to shut up because she was already aware of this and said it was only because they never reprimanded me. I didn’t want to say it out loud, but it was because I was actually treated like family by them. They ask me about my day as if I was one of them, let me talk about whatever, and even give me advice without turning everything into an argument and my best friend’s dad even told me he intends to let me use his vintage car (his most prized possession) for my wedding day one day.
I was on the verge of literal tears as I’ve never had that relationship with my bio dad.
Anyways once my mom and grandma started talking about the reasons why I care about my best friend’s family so much, I stopped trying to explain myself and started feeling guilty ago so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah unfortunately YTJ. It sounds like your mom and grandma care greatly for you and it was probably a slap in the face to them because they interpreted that as they didn’t do good enough for you (although I know that wasn’t your intention).
I’m sure it’ll be fine though and maybe just be mindful of phrasing next time.” Nerdlife91
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your choice of wording was the problem. Like someone else said, referring to your friend and her family as an ‘extended family’ or saying they treat you like part of their family would have been fine. Your response left mom and grandma feeling like they don’t measure up.” Kitty-Wrangler
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I don’t think you intended for it to sound this way but let me translate. ‘I wish my family was better’. They probably had to work twice as hard at everything since you come from a broken family only for you to tell them you wish they were more like the neighbors. It comes across remarkably petty and harsh.” User
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Son To Be Out All Night With His Friends?
“So my (44F) son (17M) and his friends hang out every single day and all of his friends are allowed to be out how long they want to (we live in a very small town with 600 people in it).
He always calls and asks if he can come home later but I almost always say no because I don’t want him running around town all night. Because of this, he tells me that it is unfair because everyone else is out and having fun and because of me the others have to adapt to it and give him a ride home because I’m not driving and picking him up every night.
He also has his own car but it is broken at the moment so it usually isn’t an issue to be able to get home. He has never come home wasted or done anything stupid while he is out, but I always stay up until he comes home in case something would happen on his way home. He is very mad now because I scolded him for coming home so late the other night.
After all, his friends wouldn’t drive him home and I said he should have thought of that before he went out with his friends.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. pretty normal for him to want to hang out with friends. pretty normal for you to be concerned. I will offer you this though, if he’s never done anything to make you worry give him a little space!
If he messes it up then go back to the previous curfew.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son is a year or less away from being a legal adult. Soon he’s going to go away to college, at which point it will be up to him to decide how to manage his time. It’s better he learns this skill now when his education is free than when he’s in college and paying for it.” GlassSandwich9315
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Would never give parenting advice but my parents gave me leniency with the understanding and agreement that the second I messed up, I was consenting to more restrictive curfews.
You’re definitely NTJ for not wanting your kid out all night, and your position is reasonable, but I say let him be with his friends if that’s what he’s really doing.” TheRealJohnGalt22
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Get his car fixed or pick him up. His friends drop him off when they are ready to, if they are allowed to be out all night then there is no way you should expect them to abide by your rules. You shouldn’t have yelled at him. Pick him up or fix his car.” Money-Pop-5262
1. AITJ For Telling My Friends To Disconnect From The WiFi?
“I am the main provider of the wifi and the only reason my roommates and I have wifi is that I got it. Right now we have 2 different router/modem sets and this is because I’m trying to figure out which is best for me. I paid for all of this.
For the first 3 weeks we lived here, they never had a problem with having no wifi, I did though!
I would constantly mope about it because I used to work and have school Monday-Friday from 8:30-6:30, so I was never able to be home to have it installed, eventually, I got it though. They thought I was being over dramatic because of this. I just missed gaming.
Yesterday I was playing Fortnite and I was lagging so badly, I couldn’t even hear my friends on the mic and couldn’t build.
I yelled, ‘Yooo! Someone get off the wifi!’ and moved on. They didn’t get off. I walked upstairs to tell them to get off. They were watching Netflix, both scrolling through social media, AND listening to music??!? Plus one of their significant others was there, I told them it was unnecessary to have this many applications open, and to either use the other wifi or close stuff.
Wifi got back to normal and I was good. When I was done I walked upstairs to hang out with them and they were clearly upset. They got mad at me for yelling at them. Then said I’m too invested in gaming if I’m going to get mad about wifi.
AITJ?
Note: We are all females.
Edit: I yelled at them from my room so the house could hear.
When I walked upstairs I didn’t yell.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re paying for the WiFi, your needs get prioritized with respect to the WiFi. It doesn’t matter if your roommates believe that you’re using the WiFi frivolously; it’s yours to use. It’s ironic, too, that your roommates believe you’re too invested in gaming but their use of Netflix, social media, and music is not an issue.
I’d change the password on the WiFi and not let them back on unless and until (i) they apologize, or (ii) agree to split the cost.” He_Who_Is_Right_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You, for storming into where your mates were and demanding that they get off any applications they were on. Yelling from the other room is understandable if you’re mid-game but it sounds like you might have been aggressive about it at the moment.
Them, for leeching off of a service that not only did they say they didn’t need but that they do not pay for nor help you with. I’d recommend (if your provider has it) an app that can take off or limit device time (that way wifi can be off for everyone else during your peak gamer hours) or if you don’t want to share, change the password.” snoopdoggo-exe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You’re paying for the wifi, from what you wrote on the post it seems you might have to take a day off to be able to have the provider come in and install it. Have they offered to help you pay for it?! I would set up some ground rules if you’re ok with them using it while you’re not home, and then once you are gaming they need to be logged off.
At the end of the day, you pay, your rules, easy as that.” HistorySweet9902
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Text or call them instead of yelling across the house because that’s rude. And if they’re going to use the wifi, they need to respect your rules or pay for it on their own. To be honest, I would change the password and just keep it to yourself.” SolutionLeading
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