People Ask Us If They're The Villain In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Sister's Children So She Can Party?
“Okay, so my sister (32) has asked me to babysit her two daughters and I said no, even though I have the time to do it. She has three kids, two daughters (4,7) and a son (11). One year ago she told their father to move out because she realized he was doing illegal stuff and being a really trashy father and husband.
He now barely sees the kids and has moved 3 hours away. So she is alone with the kids and I think it’s safe to say, she is struggling. I help out as much as I can, but I have two kids, a dog, and a household to take care of as well, my husband helps me though. Her son has been having a really hard time for years.
This week she has taken him out of school and is trying to find a new school for him. Today she has been to the doctor and got off work for two weeks because she is stressed. When she left the father of her children, she started partying a little. I thought this was fine because she is single and should be able to have some fun.
So I and the rest of the close family have been taking care of her kids every now and then, probably every second week.
She sent me a text earlier asking if her daughters can stay at my house Friday because she wants to have a party at her house. But it didn’t make sense to me that she just got off work for two weeks because she can’t manage and her son is having such a rough time right now, and still she wants to have a party.
In my head, it doesn’t make sense that she can’t manage her job but she can throw a party. And so I told her this and she got pretty angry telling me she just wants to chill for one evening and spend time with her friends and that I shouldn’t judge her. I reminded her that her friends often are at her house and she said it wasn’t the same thing.
So do I judge her too much? AITJ because I don’t want to take care of my sister’s kids so she can party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a little worried about her frequent partying. Her ex is an addict. She may have picked up some bad habits. And having a party after she’s taking off work to rest? Sounds fishy to me. I’m glad you spoke up to her about her parties.
She can be mad if she wants, but it’s probably something she needs to hear.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… although you’re maybe being a little judgy about her taking off work but still socializing – I can see her both being stressed and wanting to host a party; nevertheless, that doesn’t mean you have to babysit.
Where is the 11-year-old in this plan where you take the girls & she has a party?
Seems weird she’d keep him at home for her party.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. NTJ, as far as it’s not your responsibility. If you don’t want to don’t, but it would be a nice thing to do. She is stressed. Hanging out with adult friends and doing adult things is something every single mother or person in general needs. But, stop being so judgemental. You sound like her mother, not her sister.
YTJ judging what she does with her time and what she does that is worthy of your babysitting service.” Comprehensive-Hand60
22. AITJ For Saying My Sister Talks Too Much?
“My sister (19F) and I (25M) moved back home with our parents.
My sister has always been really into politics and activism. My family and I joke that she’s the social justice warrior of our family, but she argues that caring about people’s rights doesn’t make her a social justice warrior.
Fair point.
I had read a lot about a certain topic and was curious to hear her opinion on it, so I asked her to share them with me. She started listing off her opinions and her reasoning behind them, and I countered and challenged some of her points back to her because I didn’t agree. Throughout the conversation, she started getting more and more agitated. (She always gets a little hot whenever she has this conversation with anyone in our family).
I asked her what was wrong and she was annoyed that I kept cutting her off when she was in the middle of talking.
My sister does this thing where she doesn’t just list one or two points when talking and then discuss them, she lists off like 7-8 points with justifications for them, meaning she’ll talk for 5 minutes if you don’t interrupt her (I attribute this to the fact that she did debate in high school and is used to spitting out as many arguments as possible at a time).
There are points she made that I wanted to discuss, so I cut her off to discuss them as she said them. Plus I pointed out that this was hardly a conversation because she had been the one talking for 70% of it!
She said I came to her and asked to listen to her opinions under the pretense that I wanted to learn, which is true, so naturally, she would be the one talking more since she’s sharing her opinions.
I told her this was no way to treat someone in a conversation and that what I had to say was equally as important. She told me that she didn’t ask to hear my opinions, I asked to hear hers, and that this whole conversation was just a trap to argue with her. She also got upset about me saying she talks too much, and that I’d never say that whenever I’m talking to my dad.
The difference is my dad and I normally agree on things, so we’re able to have a respectful and EQUAL conversation. My mom sided with me that my sister is annoying to have a conversation with about these issues, but my dad said I shouldn’t have tried to have this conversation with her because we know how she can get. I just wanted to have a mature discussion about these issues, and she was just dominating the entire conversation, making it unpleasant for me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. God, I hate when people ask me something and then say ‘You talk too much.’ Makes me ashamed and never want to talk again. Don’t do that to your sister. You say she has a habit of doing that, so stop asking her questions you know she gets heated about. It’s mean to ask her something she’s passionate about and then cut her off and not care.
Mean. And a trap. You instigated and then got your mother in on your side for no good reason.
And another point: the difference between your dad talking a lot and your sister is that you agree with your dad. That’s so much disrespect to your sister. Stop asking her stuff if you’re just doing it to disagree and tell her she talks too much.
It’s cruel and she’ll stop talking because of you. I stopped for a YEAR.” IJustTalkLoud
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So basically you asked for her opinion knowing she gets flustered, then when she is talking you interrupt her, making her mad because you don’t let her finish her argument and she is the jerk? Nah Op, you were clearly trying to make her mad and it shows.” Obvious-Somewhere-11
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How incredibly rude to initiate a conversation on a topic she’s openly passionate about and then tell her she talks too much. My family has a bad habit of cutting each other off and all we do is ask ‘can I finish what I was saying then I’ll hear you out.’ And to some people, it’s pretty soul-crushing to be told ‘you talk too much’.
It’s happened my whole life, now I’m ‘too quiet.'” IllustriousMacaroni8
21. AITJ For Looking Up And Contacting A Waitress?
“This happened about a week ago, and we were abroad (if that matters…). We (me and a group of friends) were at this fancy restaurant where you cook your own food. We were served by a lovely and friendly waitress, who even showed us how to best cook their food.
She was really cool and I thought it’d be nice to get to know her better.
She didn’t mention her full name, and I didn’t want to bother her while working. However, while paying the bill I noticed it had her name printed.
Later that day I looked her up and sent her a message asking if she’d like to hang out.
My friends insist that I’m out of line, but I believe it’s fine. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
That’s totally creepy.
She was nice to you because she’s good at her job and wants tips. I can pretty much guarantee that if you go back to that restaurant, someone else (probably big and scary and male) will be your server because she won’t want to speak to you – and neither will any of the other female staff out of wariness of being stalked on social media.” Select-Anxiety-1557
Another User Comments:
“Dude that’s super creepy. I’m not gonna say jerk, I’m gonna say clueless. Women find that creepy. It’s scary to be looked up to and contacted like that because it seems stalkerish. Women get harassed a LOT in daily life. She doesn’t know you, all she knows is some guy she waited on, that she probably doesn’t even remember, decided to look up her information so he could ask her out.
Didn’t even ask her for her phone number or name. It’s weird and creepy. Don’t do that again, ever.
Just ask a woman for her name and number if you like her. I can guarantee you scared her because now she’s going to be looking over her shoulder everywhere she goes for a while expecting some weird guy to be following her.” EmotionalAttention63
Another User Comments:
“Oh yeah, because women just love when creepy dudes discreetly figure out their name and then find them on social media to ‘get to know them better’ (AKA, hit on them). It’s just so great working in a service industry job and knowing that this creep who contacted you on social media can come back to where you work at any time and you have to just serve them with a smile and be nice so that you don’t jeopardize your job.
So great. I know so many women who are looking for this exact scenario. It’s a dream come true.
YTJ. If you want to ask the girl out, then ask her out. Don’t randomly start following her on social media and try to slide into her DMs.” car55tar5
20. AITJ For Using A Clothesline?
“I began line drying in 2020; changed our laundry routine while bored at home. Our house has a large clothesline setup, a previous owner had metal posts set into concrete in the backyard & I bought some new lines to string between them.
This spring, with the warmer weather, begins my third year using a clothesline.
I have real data showing significant energy savings. I can hang 5 loads outside & they’ll all dry in an afternoon. Laundry smells fresh; better than those ‘outdoor fresh’ dryer sheets that smell artificial. When I mow the lawn & hang clothes after, the freshly cut grass & breeze give bedsheets a great scent. Our clothes last longer & look better. We still use the dryer sparingly if we need a garment immediately.
I use a clothes tree in the basement to dry during winter or if raining. I like the ‘green’ aspect of all this.
Since I started hanging clothes again, I found a note taped to my front door from a neighbor I don’t know well.
I make the neighborhood look ‘third world’ like hillbillies live here, my hanging clothes is an eyesore that lowers property values & can be seen by potential homebuyers (there are several houses for sale on my street).
I should use a clothes dryer like normal civilized people.
This person lived in an HOA with a bylaw banning clotheslines & wishes the same law would pass here.
When I hang my wife’s clothes, it’s ‘indecent’ & visible to children.
So my clothes decay the neighborhood. This is a clothesline, not a beat-up car on a lawn. So, I washed every dog blanket, comforter, towel, bath mat, dish rag, etc…
in a fit of spring cleaning & hung laundry every sunny day of the week. I showed the letter to neighbors I trust & with my help they started line drying too! Not out of spite but I want that neighbor to see line drying as commonplace & she’d have others to go up against.
The only point I might understand is my wife’s intimates.
She is busty & wears ‘loud’ colors so a red-striped bra with large cups is certainly visible.
If Victoria’s Secret displays intimates on a mannequin & women can wear swimsuits at the beach, why is it a problem to hang laundry outdoors? It’s not even an actual woman showing skin; it’s laundry without a body! Are these kids so fragile that a mere whiff of sensuality in form of undergarments on a line is enough to corrupt them?
What about male undergarments, are my boxers ok to display? I could hang her intimates indoors but I never thought ppl were so prudish. My wife never demanded her intimates dried indoors.
I continue to line dry & wonder what our next encounter will be like. I won’t respond to the note. Stepping back, I’m also realizing this is one of the most ridiculous things I ever heard.
How could somebody accuse clotheslines of these things (e.g. they attract crime)? I’m also looking for judgment. Who is the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor sounds like one of those uneducated snobs who thinks that polluting the planet and not giving a crap about that, but caring more for aesthetic value, is smart. Honestly, they may even be from a generation that has been outright encouraging waste for profit for generations at the risk of more generations.
Well, I have news for your neighbor: There are gorgeous mansions filled with things that have been abandoned. Those things will remain after we are gone. They mean nothing. Their yards were once pristine and now they’re overtaken by grass etc. Look what caring about aesthetics did for them.
Keep your clotheslines! And it’s 2022, if knowing a woman wears undergarments is offensive, they may want to seek out a new century let alone a new neighborhood.
So much hate.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Before we went condo-world (retired, don’t want to deal with maintenance and yard work) I had a clothesline. Now is the first time in like… 30 years… I don’t hang stuff out. Miss it. I can see how it wouldn’t go down in an area of dense dwellings. Plus, we have a lot of trees here, where our previous home was once pasture.
I’d worry about bird poop on the clothes. You know those chirps would organize into formations and make passes over the clothes.
There is some stuff better made for dryers. Bath towels – those dry stiff outside. Undergarments? Yeah, I understand how people shouldn’t be twitter-pated, but I really don’t want my neighbors to see my granny undergarments and my spouse’s tighty whities. It’s a matter of being fastidious.
Pretty much everything else was hung outside. It is a big saving on the power bill.
I hope you do spark a large trend in the neighborhood. With all the babble of going ‘green,’ it’s kind of hypocritical to yap about clotheslines.” ChinSpin_1986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor wouldn’t last two hot seconds in Australia. Line drying is the norm. In the middle of summer, the clothes just about dry faster than you can hang them all.
As for the intimates, how many lines do you have strung between the posts, and are they parallel with the view from the street, or perpendicular to it? I agree that intimates visible from the street shouldn’t be a big deal, but if you’ve got enough laundry to fill a couple of lines, then it can be neighborly to hang the intimates behind the other clothes, so they’re a bit hidden.
(It’s one of the reasons I like Hills Hoist. I can put my tiny clothes on the inner squares, bigger clothes, and sheets e.t.c on the outer squares, and then nobody can see my undergarments, from any direction!)” ReasonableFig2111
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Become Neighbors With My Husband's Childhood Friend?
“My husband and I bought a house in his hometown two years ago.
Now with this crazy housing market, his childhood friend and wife have been searching for a house for years without much luck. They are constantly getting overbid and not closing on a new home. It just so happens that the house directly next door to us just got put on the market and is in their price range. The two stopped by (unannounced) on Sunday before they did a walkthrough of the house.
This spiked my anxiety to the moon.
One, because I hate unannounced visitors and I fear that will be the new normal if they move in. Two, because if I’m being honest, I have never been fond of his friend, Paul. Paul has a lot of good qualities but he has a messed up way of thinking and talking, tends to lie and he has a drinking problem.
My husband and I have distanced ourselves over the past few years because of some scenarios where Paul has stepped over the line.
Now I feel like my privacy, comfort, and sanity will be compromised if they move in next door. My husband agrees that it is too close for comfort but in his words ‘he doesn’t own the street’ and if we tell them we are uncomfortable it will ruin his friendship forever.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I completely sympathize with not wanting unannounced visitors. The rest of your reasons are valid too, so I don’t blame you for not wanting them next door. At least your husband agrees that would be too close for comfort.
But – your husband has a point, you can’t control who moves in next door or where his friend buys.
I don’t think telling them you don’t want them next door would be a good move. It will make things awkward no matter what. If they want the house they’ll make an offer. If you tell them you don’t want them there and they do get the house, it will forever be uncomfortable.
I think all you can do at this point is keep your fingers crossed they get outbid again.
And maybe tell them you need a heads up before they stop by if that happens again.” stubborn_panda26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but prepare to lose the friendship anyway. Your husband is right, you don’t own the streets and you don’t really have the right to tell them what house they can or can not buy.
However, if they do get the house, what you can and SHOULD do is establish boundaries.
No unannounced visits EVER (also, No is a complete sentence, you don’t have to justify your lack of availability), and if they decide to show up, answer the door, say ‘not a good time’ and close it. Your husband will have to be on the same page for this to work though. And if you do have to resort to enforcing boundaries and thwarting their attempts at ignoring them… the friendship probably won’t survive.” s3lece
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you have to understand you can’t tell them they can’t buy that house and if you try to and they do you might be in for lots of misery. Your description of his personality sounds like he would be the type to ‘troll/own’ you. The only thing you can do is hope the sale doesn’t go through, if you see other people looking at it make the neighborhood as appealing as possible for them, and if his friends do buy the house you’ll have to set some really strict boundaries right away.
I mean right away. Do you have a fence separating your yards? You might want to get one now just in case. If you put it up after they buy the house it will look aggressive, but if you do it now it’s not because of them.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, but as others have noted, there may not be a lot you can do.
My only suggestion is to get proactive. If they DO buy the house, lean heavily into setting positive boundaries from the start: ‘We’re so excited to have you as next-door neighbors, this is going to be awesome. But of course, it’s probably a good idea to make sure we don’t get sick of each other since we’re going to see each other ALL THE TIME now… As you know, we have kind of a crazy schedule with work, kids, etc. (change to suit your specific needs), so it’s probably best if we don’t do unannounced drop-ins.
Would love to make plans sometime soon, though!'” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
18. AITJ For Wanting What's Best For My Kid's Future?
“I’m a mom of three, and it’s tough sometimes, but my kids are my everything and #1 priority. I’d sacrifice anything for them.
My oldest (16) is a sophomore, and he performs very well academically.
I know he will do great things. He’s also sporty, which I think is fantastic and healthy. He’s in three clubs, coding club, mathletes, and the cheerleading squad.
Now, the coding club is a hobby club, so there aren’t meets or competitions that need to be scheduled around. So this issue doesn’t involve that. However, both mathletes and cheerleading require huge time commitments, especially cheerleading.
Multiple times, he’s been warned by the coaches of each team that he’s risking getting kicked off the team because he’s not able to honor a commitment. Once, the cheerleading team was scheduled to leave for a competition the same day as a math tournament. He missed the departure time, and I had to drive him there myself, three hours each way. It was a massive inconvenience.
So, we talked, and he agreed he needed to quit a team. He said he was going to take a few days to think and decide, which I thought was very mature. However, he came back and told me he was quitting the math team, which I don’t understand. He said that he enjoys cheerleading more and is closer with his cheer teammates, which is no surprise because they treat him like a prince since he’s the only boy.
However, mathletes will help him get into college, and that’s more important. We talked about it, and I could tell he was getting frustrated. We mutually decided to end the convo for the day. This morning, he was not in a talking mood, so I let it ride. I know we need to talk when he gets home from school, and I’m a bit conflicted. I know it’s important to let kids make mistakes and not always butt in, but this mistake feels too big not to interfere.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for pretending he had a choice when he didn’t. That’s the kind of stuff you pull with 5-year-olds to get them to do what you want them to do. He will still get into college just fine. Grades and test scores along with college essays weigh more heavily for admissions counselors than any extra circular ever will. And by the way, cheerleading IS a sport, just like dance or gymnastics.
(My sister got a full-ride scholarship for being an amazing cheerleader.) You are trying to do what you think is best here. You’re wrong. Your child’s happiness is always the best choice, and in this situation, it’s letting him decide what he does. At 16, he’s old enough.” AnIncredibleIdiot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Cheering makes him happy, keeps him moving and active, is social support for him, and yes would make him attractive to colleges – male cheerleaders are something any D1 school needs!
But ultimately you’re the jerk not because you’re wrong but because you’re trying to control this decision for your son. You said it yourself – he’s smart and you have no doubt he will be successful. He’s also 16 and it’s time he begins to make decisions for himself and accept the consequences of these decisions if consequences come. You need to support him so that he knows he can come to you in the future for advice, not harsh judgment or control.” Kitotterkat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In practical terms, there really isn’t much impact from his extracurriculars on his future career, and even if there were, he needs to be able to find ways to make himself happy. That’s going to have a longer impact. If he has balance in his life now with how he spends his time and energy, he’s going to be able to self-regulate as an adult and he won’t burn out as easily as so many people are now.
He isn’t making a stupid ‘I want to try doing illegal stuff just once’ decision. If you want him to be confident in his choices, responsible for his life, and happy both short and long-term, let him do the thing that brings him joy. And take this opportunity to tell him that you were wrong, why you were wrong, and that he was extremely mature and sensible to think it through and choose what mattered to him.” MeanDebate
17. WIBTJ If I Move My Children Away From Their Mom?
“I am a recently divorced father of six (ages 8 to 16). My ex-wife and I separated last January and finalized our divorce in December where I won full custody of all of the kids. My ex-wife was psychologically and verbally awful to me and our children, she also suffers from pretty severe delusions where she completely changes events in her head to make herself look better and is a habitual liar to everyone including the kids.
Shortly after our separation details came to light that questioned the paternity of several of our children. I refused to pursue this during the divorce (they’re my children no matter a b***d test) but the pain comes from her going directly to the children after an argument between her and me out of spite. This combined with her terrible behavior drew a wedge between her and several of our kids.
In April, she left the state to be with a man she started talking to within the first month of our separation. She hardly spoke to the kids and when she did it was sporadic and typically she favored speaking to our youngest over the other five. She came back in October, then left again in December, then came back again in March.
In December, I remarried a woman that is amazing to all of us and who loves the kids and treats them like her own.
In March, prior to my ex-wife’s return, my wife and I began discussing the possibility of moving and buying a bigger house, in a more urban area, with better schools but several states away. We found some possibilities but then she returned. My wife and I are pretty committed to this at this point and we see a lot of potential to help the kids move past last year’s toxic, nightmarish events.
We feel like everyone would be better off with their own rooms, privacy, and the ability for my teenage daughters to begin developing their autonomy.
My ex-wife still has little contact with the kids despite being less than 15 minutes away and passing us daily to go to and from work. The kids (mainly our youngest son) talk to her maybe twice a week and at this point, she hasn’t seen the kids in a few weeks.
She lies to the kids, breaks promises, and sometimes just ignores them in general. Two of our kids refuse to talk to her entirely, and 3 others try to speak to her as little as possible.
So, here it goes: WIBTJ to follow through with this move in an attempt to give my kids a better life? Or should I veto the move so that the kids are close to their mother in case they ever want to try and build a relationship?
Edit: I’ve already spoken to my lawyer and prepared for the next move. Unfortunately, I have to have an address to where I’m going BEFORE the state will consider it. Hard to do when you don’t know what state you’re moving to much less the exact address.
Update: We’ve put in an offer on a house and it was accepted! The kids seem torn but seem pretty excited outside of the predictable ‘I don’t really want to leave family’.
Otherwise, they seem hyped. Now my ex-wife’s family seems to be on a warpath. A lot of flack heading our way right now. But it’s an exciting time and I’m trying to keep my head up and remember that I’m doing what’s best for my kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, talk to your lawyer to make sure the ex wasn’t sneaky about leaving the state clauses, and if all clear take your babies and run.
If you can’t leave the state take her to court THEN take your babies and run.
She doesn’t care about these kids except the youngest and that’s only because the youngest can’t necessarily think for themselves on matters like this, and she wants someone on her side.
You have made a new family, same kids, a better wife, now go make the most of it with them.” VanGoghHo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your obligation then would be to provide means for your kids to see her when and how they want to see her, even if it’s costly. She might also have to travel to see them if she wants to, and that cost might be yours sometimes (eg she has no money to travel but your kids want to see her and you don’t want them to stay with her in her house).
But yes, please provide your kids with a better house, a better school, a better life, etc, just make sure to talk to all of them about it and get their oks. Moving is hard for kids sometimes, so it might take some work.” kiwiparallels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your ex-wife sounds like my mom. If it weren’t for the fact that you just got divorced, I’d swear you were telling my dad’s story, lol.
1st check the divorce agreement before you move. Lots of divorce/custody agreements have a paragraph about not leaving the state with the kids. Even if you have full custody, if she still has parental rights (as in they haven’t been terminated by the state, which would be weird if it was in this case since she seems to have visitation rights which usually indicate parental rights), then you may not be able to move without her permission or court order.
Trust me. When I wanted to go on a 3-day cruise with my Girl Scout Troupe at 17, my dad had to petition the court to let me leave the state because my mom wouldn’t let me go.
But if there’s no such clause or law, then screw it. Pack up and move. Ain’t no use in having someone that toxic in your life. The little ones will cut her off just like all the kids (now adult kids lol) cut off my mom as teenagers.” PinkPixie325
16. AITJ For Disrespecting My Coach?
“My (16M) Dad and my Papa have been arguing a lot lately in the last 2 months. Neither I nor my younger sisters (13F) knew what was going on. Papa would leave and dad would be at home upset crying in bed.
Our Papa moved out last week and I helped him move some of his stuff out of the house to his new apartment. He went to go get food after we dropped the stuff off, but forgot his phone.
I was gonna run out and give it to him before he drove off but I saw this long text from my baseball coach come in talking about how he was sorry for what happened and not meaning to come between my Papa and my dad and that their relationship was a mistake… I left my Papa a note that said I knew and just left and took the bus home.
I had practice yesterday and I just couldn’t help glaring at my coach… just his breathing annoyed me and he definitely noticed. He tried talking to me after practice and I told him to go screw himself. He yells at me that I need to show him some respect and I yell at him that if he wasn’t a piece of trash homewrecker I would.
He kept calling after me but I just walked home. Of course, he called my Dad and Papa cause when I got home my dad told me that I was grounded for 2 weeks. I tried to explain I was upset because of what he did and my dad told me he’s still the adult and that what goes on between them has nothing to do with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your anger is valid, this guy destroyed your home life.
Your parents are going through a rough time right now, and please have patience with them. They still love you. And while your coach may be an adult and ‘authority figure’, he is still human and made decisions that messed up your home life. You’re allowed to be angry at him for it.
The only thing you’re not allowed to be is disrespectful. That’s likely why you got grounded. at the very least, be civil, and keep confrontations about what he’s done to your family private.” kaett
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (mostly). As long as you truly weren’t snooping on purpose. There was obvious tension in the home that affected all of you negatively. You are allowed to be upset at people causing your family such distress.
You could have done it without swearing at him, but to demand respect just for being an adult is ridiculous. Adults still need to behave respectfully and it sounds as if he did not. It’s not reasonable for the adults in your life to just expect you to go along with everything and not question it when the family is in such distress. They’ve left you in the dark and are treating you like a small child.
If you see your father crying all the time then it obviously has something to do with you.” warrinerdot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, your parents may not see it this way, but you have the right to your feelings too and your anger is fair. Your coach demonstrated that he can’t be trusted with the most precious thing to you in the world and that is your family.
He ruined your family. He IS NOT someone to follow as a leader or look up to. Good for you for standing up for yourself. Sometimes that comes at a cost, but in the long run, it is worth it, because of what it does to you on the inside. This doesn’t get easier as you become older either. No, you won’t have anyone to ground you for it later in life, but you may have someone fire you from a job, stop being friends with you, or leave you.
It’s tough, but you have to do it. Never take anyone’s mistreatment or nonsense. Keep being strong.” Maleficent_Can1946
15. WIBTJ If I Don't Help My Family Anymore?
“I’m 24(F) and I live at home with my parents. I pay $750 a month, and that includes rent and my car insurance ($125). I have 3 younger siblings.
Daniell (17), Marisa (16), and Anthony (15). My parents have always made me 3rd parent, and made me attend Parent-teacher conferences, as a teenager they would force me to give up weekends to babysit (always unpaid. They said they paid me by giving me a roof over my head), and once I got my license I was turned into a chauffeur, always taking them and their friends out, taking them to school, picking them up, and if I ever complained I was told to do as I’m told.
Well, Daniell is about to go to prom on Saturday and she graduates high school in a couple of months. She’s moving to a dorm and has been asking relatives to help her buy the things she needs for her dorm. As her sister, I wanted to get her a big gift because I’m so proud of her for all her hard work and dedication to her education.
I bought her a mini fridge that, with a warranty, cost almost $300. I didn’t expect reimbursement from my parents as this was a gift for her, and my parents wanted to get a used one off Craigslist for her to begin with.
The issue is that due to some circumstances, I’m off work this week and since my sister has prom this weekend, my parents expect me to run errands for them and purchase everything my sister needs for prom.
They bought her a dress ($110), and she told them she needed Spanx and a new bra so my mom told me to take her. We found them (totaling $90) and my sister said mom didn’t give her any money. So I covered it and we went home. I told my parents how much it cost and they told me ‘next time just tell her no. She can’t have them’.
I understand that they’re not necessities, but they’re important parts of her outfit and she has bipolar disorder, so I feel we needed to make sure that she felt her best this weekend. Today she has an appointment for her nails and she told me that grandma gave her funds for them, but that we have to go pick up her dress at the cleaners since it was altered and steamed ($60) and that we also need to go pick up her prescription ($85).
My parents expect me to foot the cost, and it’s getting too much. I love my siblings, they’re appreciative and they always tell my parents that it’s not my job to raise them, but my parents say it’s the price I pay for living here, and that family helps family.
They also said we have to cut back on groceries too, but my parents buy bottles of booze every weekend and my father buys mason jars full of substances once a month.
I usually pick up some groceries and as usual, my parents just say ‘you should’ve told the kids no’. I don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable, but I feel like I might be the jerk if I cut them off. I don’t know what to do anymore.
UPDATE: I ended up not picking up her dress or prescription. Unfortunately, my sister’s dog escaped this morning and got her head stuck in a neighbor’s fence.
The chicken wire sliced her ears up and she needed medical attention. Surprise Surprise I was the only one who didn’t have work so I was told to take the dog in. They treated her and the bill came out to $300. I called my parents and they said perfect, we will transfer it to you when we’re off work. I knew that wasn’t going to happen but I didn’t have a choice, the dog needed urgent care.
They gave me $100 and said thanks for helping out. Go figure.
Currently looking for roommates in the SFV, and I hope to move out by the end of the summer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d explain to your siblings up front what’s going on, that you’re saving for your future, that your parents should be covering the bills for them and that you still love them.
They’re old enough to have that chat with, and explain that they should make sure to get funds from your parents in advance for things if you’re taking them out.” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think you’re going to make any progress until you actually just move out. You are spending a small fortune on everything for them, tell them no as long as possible, say you don’t have the money, save up what you can, and get out of there as soon as possible.
You may need a couple of roommates to help you afford a place, but at least then you’ll only be responsible for yourself.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but move.
Transfer all your funds to a savings account and have just enough fuel to get you to work and back each day. Never take your card or money anywhere with you when you are with your family.
Once you have enough get out. This won’t stop until you make it stop. It’s a case of if you don’t want to move then learn how to deal with it because your parents will never change.” MersWhaawhaa
14. AITJ For Wanting To Be In Control Of What Happens In My Yard?
“I work from home, and today I hear a chainsaw start up nearby. I almost ignore it, we’re in the woods with neighbors a little close by, so I’m like, maybe it’s one of them.
But I look and, no, that’s my front yard, that’s my father-in-law, and he’s cutting up some small trees.
I confront him, and I’m like, what are you doing here? Why are you cutting trees down? What’s going on?
FIL: ‘Oh, they’re doing a big burn in town and we’re going around the town finding dead/fallen trees to bring in.’
Me: ‘But I didn’t ask you to do that.
I didn’t know you were. You didn’t ask if you could or text or anything.’
FIL: ‘Well if we had to have asked, we wouldn’t have bothered coming.’
Me: ‘Yeah, see, I’d be fine if you hadn’t!’
He packed it up after that but made sure to run the chainsaw on just ONE more (gotta prove who’s boss, ya know) and then left.
My wife says I need to ‘get used to’ country life and cultural differences, but I did not say anything. I’ve told him not to just show up doing random stuff before and he keeps doing it. But maybe I’m the jerk because I should want help dealing with a couple of small fallen trees from time to time? Even though I’m fine with them.
I know I’m caught up in a control feeling, but, it’s MY land. MINE. If I want that tree hanging sideways, lifeless, and adorned with fungi, that’s MY business, no one else’s. I bought this, it took a long time, and I don’t want people randomly changing it because they’re bored or they want to bring in a big haul of wood to burn for their Town Big Dog ego.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Fallen trees left like that can be a severe danger to small/rural towns, and mass burnings happen for a reason. He should’ve asked because that’s the kind and respectful thing here, but you need to understand why people do these things because eventually, you will have to deal with those dead fallen trees on your property.
It’s not safe.” RiByrne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is cultural differences – he likely sees it as helping his daughter and you, and you see it as a violation of boundaries.
That said, cultural differences aside, it’s ok to set boundaries. The person who needs to set them, though, is your wife. You need to have a heart-to-heart with her about it, about what is and is not ok with your family.
Don’t come at it confrontationally, accept that it’s a cultural difference, but still express that it makes you very uncomfortable since you really value privacy and the right to choose what’s done in your place. Explain that you appreciate him wanting to help, but that you want to have a bit more opportunity to decide what he gets to help with as you may have other plans.
If you can get on the same page with her, hopefully, she can manage the boundaries with him. In the meantime, is there any way you can engage his assistance in a way that will make him feel like he’s contributing/helping his kids but that you’re on with?” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – hard to say if he thinks he’s being helpful or if he’s on a power trip, but you need to learn how to set boundaries with your FIL and also just be prepared to pay strangers if you need any help with downed trees in the future in case FIL doesn’t want to help when you actually need it.
Might be kinda weird asking him for help after telling him to bug off.” NoFleas
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your FIL was just trying to help. That said, he definitely should have contacted either your wife or you before cutting down trees on your land. You sound like a jerk though. I just don’t like people who are rude for no reason.” Impossible-Leek-2830
13. AITJ For Being Angry When My Mom Called Me Fat?
“My mother (37F) and I (15F) were attending my cousin’s birthday party. Nearly everyone in our family was attending. We arrived at the house right when everyone was about to start eating. We started eating with my other aunts, then my aunt & other cousin showed up. My aunt, Bea, (fake name) was a very thin person. So, this sparked the topic of weight between them.
They started talking about how Bea had gotten really thin, and asked about her diet, talked about theirs, etc.
I got uncomfortable really quickly with the topic since I’d been dealing with insecurity about my weight since my mother always pointed out how much I ate. I was minding my own business until my mother brought me into the conversation, pointing at my stomach and telling everyone about how big my stomach and hips are, and generally how fat I look.
I’m bad with the spotlight being put on me, and I am by no means someone people would consider fat, but more on the average side. I started to tear up a bit at being humiliated and put my plate in the sink and left to go upstairs while my mother was calling for me to get back to the dinner table and eat more.
I just sat in a ball for a while upstairs, just talking to my online friends to try and calm myself down. I put my phone on silent mode as well so I don’t see my mother’s contact come up, since I knew she’d try and message me. After about 30 minutes or so, I checked my messages to see what my mother had been messaging me.
Her: (My real name), come down NOW! GO DOWN NOW OR YOU’RE GROUNDED! You’re just misunderstanding my tone! You’re so sensitive. Everyone at the dinner table is fat, are you saying you’re not? Do you think you’re better than us? GO DOWN! STOP BEING SENSITIVE.
Me: I am not going down until I stop crying. You’re making fun of me.
Her: Making fun of you?
I am just saying the truth!
I then left her on read. Later, my uncle came up and attempted to cheer me up. A few months later, she told this story to her partner, then both of them proceeded to laugh at my reaction and about how I felt. His reaction didn’t really surprise me, as he told me, ‘Holy cow, you’re so fat,’ after we met up along with my mother after not seeing each other for a few years.
AITJ for making a scene?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother’s behavior is cruel. Not just at the party, but constantly pointing out that she thinks you eat too much. What on earth does she expect to accomplish by making you miserable?
Could she secretly be jealous of you?
I hope you have a supportive friend or two. Are there any trustworthy adults you can talk with?
Your father? An uncle? A teacher?
I’ve heard about websites for body positivity that might help increase your confidence. Maybe someone else here can recommend one.
As for your mom, do your best to tune her out for the next 3 years until you can escape.
Wishing you happiness and good luck.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother was bullying you for your weight and then demanded you come back to eat more!
WHAT?! As others have said, keep your head down until you can leave.
As you’ve got a few years, you have the time to put a plan into place for what that looks like; do you need to get a job so that you can leave on your 18th birthday? Can you stick it out until you leave for university? Can you afford to continue your education if you don’t get a job as soon as possible?
Answer these questions and you’ll be in a good place when you become an adult.” BigAd6926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She calls you fat, then when you leave the uncomfortable situation she tells you to come back and eat more? That’s a bit weird. As your mom, she should not be picking at you about something she knows you’re sensitive about. It doesn’t do anything except cause hurtful feelings.
If she’s truly concerned about your weight she should talk to you in private. She should not be making fun of you in front of others or in private.” Alpacazappa
12. AITJ For Giving My Unsolicited Opinion To The Woman On The Train?
“This morning I almost missed my train. I was waiting in the first wagon for the train to leave the station. I was near the door where the agent operates and as he was starting to close the doors, he waits for a woman who was running on the platform hoping to catch the train.
Once on the train, she started arguing with him about the fact that the train was further than expected on the platform.
He explained why: on this particular platform, the controlling system for the tickets is a bit further so the train is too.
It was not enough for her and she kept arguing that it was not right and so on.
He responded it was not his fault… She kept looping on this point.
It was early and I felt kind of aggravated by her.
I told them both: ‘there are two kinds of people when they are late for their train: those who think I should have woken up 5 min sooner, and those who blame the train’.
She told me to mind my own business. I told her that since she was talking out loud I heard her and that was enough for me to interfere.
She walked away continuing to reproach me for my intervention.
As I walked to my place, I felt a little guilty and wondered if I was a jerk.
So, am I the jerk for giving my opinion to an angry woman on the train without her asking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not gonna lie, I laughed a bit when I read your response to her.
She was having a go at a staff member, he only could realistically respond with what he said and she was harassing him still, causing a disruption to other passengers and causing issues for the staff. You put her in her place without being aggressive or escalating the situation, you told her the two types of people, implying which she was, and what she should have thought or done instead.
Was it a bit passive-aggressive? Yes. Am I here for it? Yes.
Also to add, who asked her opinion on where the train was located on the platform? Like… really? You are running late, that’s on you, walking an extra little bit to get to the train shouldn’t make you late unless you already were late. Who asked her opinion on where the professionals using the train put the train (in my experience train platforms aren’t too long that from walking to one end to the other you’ll be late).” 1TiredLurker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who make a scene in public and harass workers rely on the idea that they’re somehow doing the right/socially acceptable thing, and they don’t have enough respect for workers for their opinion to matter. Other customers speaking up is pretty much the only way to get across the point that her attitude is not socially acceptable. She walked away after your comments.
You stopped her tirade against that poor worker. Not saying anything only would’ve enabled her to keep chewing him out thinking she’s in the right.” Sarahbeara13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was harassing a person who was not at fault, and the person she was harassing was in a position where they couldn’t defend themselves without getting into trouble for arguing with a member of the public (at least that’s what it’s like in the US, where employers tell employees that ‘the customer’s always right’ and employees get in trouble if they don’t just let customers walk all over them).” User
11. AITJ For Getting Attached To A Kitten?
“So I had recently rescued 4 kittens that were found where I work that have the telltale signs of being abandoned by Mother Cat. They were at least 3 weeks old and I had to bottle-feed them, lying to myself that I wouldn’t get attached. My SIL found out I was fostering them through a shared group chat and PMed me asking about them. She is interested in one of the females and I agree at the time, this was within the first 3 days of having them.
2 weeks in and that same female kitten has really opened up to me and I felt conflicted about giving her up to my SIL, I had already planned on keeping one kitten from the 4 because of my SO. 3/4 kittens have homes to go to, so I ask if SIL would be interested in the other female since I was becoming attached to the one she wanted. She immediately shot down my offer and I brushed it off still feeling conflicted. I know she would be a good home and it’s just me being selfish and not wanting to lose the bond I have with this kitten.
Now the kittens are getting to the point where they are ready to go to new homes and I still really don’t want to give up this kitten.
I ask SIL again if she would consider the other female over the one she picked out and she got upset with me, I haven’t responded in two days to give her my final answer.
I have taken care of the kittens out of my own pocket and have not received help from SIL or another person I was fostering for.
UPDATE: I told SIL my decision to keep the kitten, and she accepted it. BIL changed his mind and decided to not get the other female. So until the litter is ready, they will continue to be in my care.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, edging towards NTJ. It’s okay that your SIL feels possessive but you are the one putting in the work to raise these babies, and you should get to keep the one you chose.
Tell her gently that you love this kitten and are keeping it, apologies but you did try to warn her you were getting attached. If she doesn’t want the other kitten, you’ll find her a good home, but you are keeping your favorite.” BeholdMySideAccount
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You offered her the other female kitten since this kitten is already bonding with you. If she just likes the fur pattern on that one vs the other she can keep looking for another kitten with a similar pattern she doesn’t need to take this one away from its chosen human.
Now if she’s been visiting the kitten and you are both bonding with it then yeah you are kinda the jerk for letting her get attached just to pull the whole thing back. But if you’ve just been raising them and she’s not officially met the kitten or only met once then you are not the jerk for keeping her. Just tell your SIL that kitten is no longer available.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ ~ for a couple of reasons, you agreed to give her the kitten, then bonded, then waited to tell her until AFTER 3 of the 4 had homes to go to, so no matter how you cut it, you’re screwing over someone you promised a kitten to. Rescuing and fostering isn’t about keeping the animals, it’s about helping them find their forever homes and you made that choice so you don’t get to complain that the people you’re homing them with didn’t help you.
If you’re gonna use that in your argument to keep one you should’ve made it clear from the start that you expected monetary assistance.
Finally, now, instead of sending the kitten to its new home you’re ghosting your SIL cause you don’t wanna deal with her. If that were me, you could keep your darn kitten and I’d find one from someone who knew how to keep their word and how to communicate in a timely manner that they had no intention of giving me a kitten while letting me think they were.” DarkObserver0457
10. WIBTJ If I Continue Feeding The Birds?
“I live about two blocks down from a public park.
A few times a week, I walk down to the park and take some food with me to feed the crows. I’ve been doing this for some years now, and the crows have gotten to recognize me, so they follow me from where I live most days.
Today on my way to the park, a woman trailed me in her humvee, talking at me about how the people along the street to the park have had a meeting about how they don’t want me to feed the crows anymore.
Apparently, the crow poop gets on the furniture in their backyards, and it’s annoying.
I told her, politely, that a) these are wild birds that live in the area and have for years (I know of at least four trees that have nests) and b) that the park is a public space for public use. Then I continued along my way, but she followed me all the way to the park, trying to convince me to stop feeding the birds.
Eventually, she turned around when she realized I wasn’t going to stop and went about her business.
I really don’t want to stop, because honestly, that little walk is the best part of my day, most days. It makes me really sad to think about not being able to go anymore.
So I guess, WIBTJ if I kept feeding the crows despite this woman (and presumably at least a couple of her neighbors) wanting me to stop?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just make sure you feed the crows the right foods so they don’t get sick. You’re in a public space. Lots of people feed birds in the park. Outdoor furniture will have bird poop on it whether you feed them or not.” WulfyFox
Another User Comments:
“The problem with feeding wild animals is that they’ll stop foraging for food elsewhere.
Crows are exceptionally intelligent and remember people, so of course, they’re going to stay close. They’ll also begin to attract more of their kind, including other species of birds, to where they know the food is.
Birds drop their waste wherever they happen to be. Bird guano contains all manner of toxic pathogens that can cause serious to life-threatening diseases in humans. Your neighbors don’t deserve the health risks, to say nothing of the chore of having to scrape nasty cloaca droppings off their stuff.
If you enjoy the walk then enjoy the walk, but you need to stop feeding the birds. You can enjoy nature without providing for scavengers.
YTJ.” SamW20910
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Feed the birds. You don’t know this woman, and you have no way of knowing whether she has talked to any of your neighbors. You are correct about the longevity of the wild crows’ nesting, and the park and street are public.
I do hope you are feeding the crows some healthy approved bird food and not bread or other less valuable foods.” Harmlessoldlady
9. AITJ For Planning A Special Trip For Just Me And My Sister?
“The school year is coming to an end and I (19F) decided to do something nice for my little sister (11F). For context, my little sister has been to the hospital three times in the last year, and I always felt bad there was nothing I could do. While she was in the hospital, we tried to find something we could both enjoy from a long distance, and we discovered WWE.
It was perfect. We would FaceTime and watch it, every Monday, Tuesday, and Friday, and when she would be home we would watch it together.
Fast forward a few months later, I met this girl at my work (17F) and we quickly became close. (She even goes to my old high school lol what a small world). One day, it was our break, and she asked me for TV show recommendations and I said ‘Oh, I know it’s not for everyone but me and my lil sis enjoy WWE a lot.
It’s actually on tonight if you wanted to watch with us.’ She said yes and I added her to a call and she joined our weekly ritual.
Fast forward to last Wednesday, I saw tickets for Summerslam went on sale, and I bought me and my sister some decent seats, because its only 2 hours away from us and I was like WHAT, it would be fun, and she’s 11 she can handle a 2-hour car drive.
Then I made a huge mistake, I told my friend the good news and she said ‘cool! That will be fun! When do we all leave?’ I was confused and I said just my sister and I would be going because 1, that’s all I could afford with a job that pays 10 bucks an hour, and 2, I wanted this to just be OUR thing to celebrate my sister being healthy again.
She then walked away upset and hasn’t spoken to or texted me for 4 days. So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Friendship is complicated. And it’s nice to have friends. Some friends you can do one tiny thing with. Some friends you can confide everything to. There’s a huge range. The check with friends is not getting closer than is going to work.
You stay a little bit away from that and then you don’t have to bump into their weird stuff but you have someone to do some things with. You discovered something about this friend. I think that’s OK. See how it turns out. But you should probably be too busy to do the TV watching with them anymore. You can find other ways of enjoying each other or not depending on how they come around.
But now you know that they can be pretty fragile and that they project it onto others.
A really aware person wouldn’t make the assumption that they were going too. A really aware person would be happy that you were gonna get to do that with your sister. Especially because of everything she’s been through. So someone with a more fragile personality takes everything personally.
It’s not narcissism but it’s a distant cousin.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for reasons everyone else has said already but I wanted to point out to you what an amazing older sister you are. I had a lot of health problems through middle school and high school, and as I’m sure you already know, your weekly ritual means the world to your little sis.
You have given her so much happiness, hope, and kindness, and I hope that you have a great time celebrating your sister being healthy. Hopefully, your friend comes around, but even if not, there are a lot of wonderful people out there that you will make friends with because you are a very kind and thoughtful person.” biqueen13
8. AITJ For Talking To My Rabbi About My Future In-Laws?
“I’m (25F) Jewish, and I was about to get married in June.
My now ex-fiancé (23M) recently called off our engagement and I’m still trying to decide if it’s my fault or his. So I used to live in a state 1000 miles away from him, but when we got serious I decided to drop everything and move his way. I left behind two great-paying jobs, my family, my medical insurance, etc. I moved to where he was, and we got engaged a few months later (which isn’t weird because we’ve known each other for 3-ish years).
Our mothers never really got along, and it was a big point of tension during wedding planning. Originally, my mother volunteered to pay for everything as long as his family paid for the honeymoon, and he agreed. During the course of my stay with him and his parents (as there was a point we lived in his parents’ house for a while since religiously living alone was out of the question) his mother really, REALLY got in my head.
She insisted I was inhibiting his study habits, that he didn’t know how to say no to me, that I wouldn’t be a good wife, that I was a liar, etc. He never quite defended me the way I wanted him to, so I decided to move back home until he secured an apartment I could live in and he could move in with me post-wedding.
While I was at home, I spoke about the treatment I endured to my rabbi and his wife, mostly for guidance and asking how to proceed forward. They gave me some great advice, and I felt pretty confident when the apartment was finally secured and I moved back to where he was.
We hadn’t even been in the apartment for a month before he came to me Saturday and claimed that he found out I ‘lied about his mom’ to the rabbi and his wife.
Originally, he wanted to schedule a group counseling session to get it ironed out, but then after spending the night with his parents, he changed his tune pretty quickly and decided he wasn’t going to try and save the relationship anymore. He said his trust is shaken, he can’t trust me, he doesn’t love me anymore, I’m a liar, I did this, etc. He left me alone and said he was done, took the engagement ring back, and that was it.
He’s told all our friends he’s not financially responsible for the 8,000 dollars put into a wedding I can’t get back this soon to the original date, as well as refusing to give the ring back (even though in his state, he legally is required to). He also took funds from me to cover honeymoon expenses and refuses to give that back as well.
I was left alone in an apartment I can’t afford on my own, with no support system, no family, no friends, nothing.
Yet, I can’t help but feel it’s my fault for even talking to the rabbi at all about any of it. I’ve been a mess for days, I feel like I lost my soulmate. I don’t know… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry and many hugs. I don’t know what you said to the rabbi, but I know he should never have spoken about it to anyone. That said, I am relieved for you! What if you married him and then had to deal with this nightmare?
The money is a non-issue as is the ring, as is the move, the apartment, etc etc etc. This man was NEVER your soul mate.
A soul mate does not treat their SO like this. You saved yourself years of suffering and/or very expensive attorney fees.
Word of advice, do your best to grieve him quickly AND COMPLETELY, cry, sob, whatever it takes, and then when you are done, do your best to forgive and forget. celebrate your young life and take your time going out with lots of wonderful men until you meet the one that puts you above his mother.
He will likely try to get back into your life with lots of apologies. Go no contact and block him completely.
NTJ” juliaskig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was not your soul mate, if he was he would have stood up to his parents and chosen you. You made sacrifices for him but I’m seeing no example of him reciprocating or even appreciating what you did.
He’s a momma’s boy and she’s manipulative and even if you somehow got back together he would always put her first and always take her side. He has a lot of growing up to do and he can’t do it with you or mommy around bending over backward to accommodate him. This relationship is a lost cause. You are an adult now; start going out with adults and quit going out with children.
As for the Rabbi? Soft jerk for breaking your confidence but I hope he did so in the spirit of pointing out to your ex how toxic his mother is so he might think about distancing himself from her.” Agile-Cherry-420
Another User Comments:
“So my understanding would be that you should go to Rabbi and other elders for counseling and advice. If you actually lied then yeah he would be right, but he also needs to talk it out with you and not just assume the game of telephone did not create an issue.
So I would go with his Mom as a jerk for how you describe her behavior, he is a jerk, and possibly Rabbi did something wrong because he talked about it without talking to you first. Not sure about the norms and expectations there.
As to the financial situation: yeah I don’t like the idea of moving and becoming financially dependent on him. But the two of you entered into a relationship with those expectations and understanding so he is the jerk on that front.
You might be able to succeed in small claims court and at this point, you cannot trust this man, so you need to take care of yourself.
NTJ” glom4ever
7. AITJ For Finishing The Job Myself?
“I saw a post on a local social media community group where someone was asking if anyone had any odd jobs they needed doing as they needed some extra funds. I had been meaning to jet wash my patio but not got around to it, so figured they could do that – saves me doing it, and they get some money.
I explain it’s a fairly large area and will likely take several hours and ask them how much they want, they say they will do it for £10/hour and can come on Wednesday. I think to myself that the payment is a little low but figure I can just give them some extra on the day. We agree for them to come on Wednesday.
Wednesday comes and they turn up as agreed and start on the work.
After 2 hours he is about halfway through but says he has to leave and can come back tomorrow too and finish it. I say that’s fine and give him £30 for the 2 hours (so £15/hour rather than the £10/hour he asked for).
Thursday comes and he arrives a little late, explaining he was cycling over that day but got a puncture on his bike on the way over and had to drop it off at the shop to get repaired as he has some kind of specialist tire.
He gets started on the work and again after 2 hours, he says he has to get off. At this point, he’s about 85% done but says he can come back tomorrow to do the final bit. I say that’s fine. Again I give him £30 for the 2 hours but feel guilty about his tire so ask him how much that was and give him extra funds to cover that too, so £60 in total.
He doesn’t turn up on Friday nor does he contact me.
I assume he can’t be bothered to come and finish off the last bit, which is fair enough.
On Sunday I have some free time so just finish it off myself.
Then a few days later he messages me to ask if he can come and finish it off, I explain that I’ve done it now but thank him for the work and say I’ll have a think and let him know if there is anything else he could help with.
He then sends me a message telling me that I shouldn’t have finished it myself after he had done all the hard work. He complains that I’ve got the work done very cheaply and tells me not to do that to him again.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
His work pattern sounds like that of a substance abuser – splits a one-day job that might net him $75-$100 into several partial days spread over a week or more, with various excuses thrown in for lateness or missed days.
He rushes off after 2 hours rather than powering through a task because the $20 or $30 is enough for his fix. He ghosts you and then reappears, belligerent that you don’t have work for him with an attitude (even though he’d disappeared) because he was already counting on the drink or other stuff that the end of the job would buy.
Might sound fanciful, but we have for many years dealt with a guy who behaves just like the person you hired, OP.
He would furiously take 1/3 of the yard, ask for partial payment, then hurry on off up to the liquor store. He might come back to finish in a few days’ time. Someone who’s simply down on his luck & trying to pay bills would have knocked out your job efficiently – because he’d be on his way to the next job and the next.
You are NTJ at all for finishing off your patio cleaning yourself.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid him more than you agreed, and you gave him money to replace the tire. You’ve been more than generous. If he wanted to finish the job, he should have let you know when he could come back again the second time he left.” hes_got_a_guard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have done this with my roommate’s shovel guys.
When it snows they are supposed to come to shovel her walkway and plow her driveway, and they’re supposed to do it sometime in the morning, so they got to be like noon time and they never came I would just do it so that she wouldn’t have to come home to a snowy walkway. And I would make sure to tell her so she could tell them so they didn’t come for no reason, and they were always super apologetic about it.
They understood that the job had to get done and they didn’t get to it in time. No big deal and it was great because they were never late again after that. They didn’t want to lose the money.” User
6. WIBTJ If I Ask My Neighbors' Contractors To Stop Parking In My Driveway?
“So my house has two driveways. One is off the one-lane back alley that leads to my garage, where my car is parked, and the other is off the main street where my wife parks. The landlords next door are remodeling their detached garage off the back alley. Their contractors who are doing the work keep parking in my driveway adjacent to my garage door.
They usually leave enough space so I can get my car out (except on one occasion where I had to ask someone to move) but they park in my driveway in front of my fence and block my gate to my yard.
I don’t really use the space frequently and honestly, there isn’t a ton of other parking options in the alley but they could definitely park in the neighbor’s (renters) front driveway.
I want to ask them to stop parking in my driveway but I’m worried I’ll be the jerk because there’s really not a lot of other places they could park and I’m worried they could start making even more construction noise in retaliation (my wife and I both work from home).
It’s really not that I need the space but the principle that it’s my driveway and I really don’t want strangers thinking they can use it as a parking space.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your property, they should have asked if it was okay to park there. Especially since it’s not like it was just a one-time thing where they just needed somewhere to park for a short period.
However, if it’s not really affecting you. Personally, I wouldn’t say anything about it unless it was inconveniencing me in some way. But that’s just me, if it bothers you… of course, you have every right to say something about it.” wanttoshinexx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But this is a situation that can most likely be resolved easily by a polite conversation. Talk to the crew, explain they are parking in your driveway, and ask that they not park there. They most likely want to just get their work done and don’t want to cause trouble, and therefore will park somewhere else. If they give you a hard time, then escalate the matter by calling the construction company and talking to the owner or call the town or police.” evelbug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if you’re afraid they might retaliate, simply start using that driveway regularly – alternate between that and where you typically park, so that they see that it’s used. Is it possible that they don’t realize it’s on your property and not a common space? You have every right to ask people not to park on your property without asking.” PNWPainter02
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom After She Got Mad At Me For Taking A Break?
“I (18f) have about 3 reports as assignments to be completed by tomorrow. I’ve been working on it on my laptop for a few hours. (Note that I didn’t do much but honestly as long as I am working on it, it’s fine with me, I have the entire night.)
My mom and sister went to bed.
Well, now I moved to another couch, laid down, and started scrolling on the internet on my phone for a little break, to like get out of that working headspace before getting back into it.
Well, my mom came back for something, saw her teenage daughter on the couch on her phone, and made a remark ‘oh you’re again on that phone’. Her tone was harsh and hateful and she was frowning like she was annoyed beyond anything at that moment. Like she was constantly being disappointed by me (she is).
It stung. Well, I then said, ‘I’m taking a darn break’ looking directly at her, my tone was condescending and reactive.
Then she ‘called out’ on me for being disrespectful and talking about how I never like to take orders or can’t handle a normal comment. That I’ve become this way, whatever she said was like whiplash at that moment because it was so out of the blue. It’s not that I hadn’t already heard the same thing, I have, countless times. It was like it was all pent up and she spat it out.
She said that she always sees hatred in my eyes for her and my dad both, and asked what goes on inside my head and that I don’t care about any of them. To explain my tone of reaction I told her that she straight up accused me as soon as she got in the room. To which she said I’m always this disrespectful and aloof, whether or not she talks to me nicely.
I’m tired of them. But I do wonder, was what I said actually offensive and disrespectful? Was I the jerk for reacting the way I did initially?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You responded in the exact same way she spoke with you. If she’s going to set the precedent that it’s ok for her to talk to you that way then it’s a double standard to expect you to respond differently.
It sounds like your mother has a lot of internalized issues that she’s apparently incapable of expressing in any sort of healthy ways.” CephalopodSpy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Neither you nor your mother respects each other; your comments back and forth do not reflect affection, respect, dignity, love, or family harmony. You cannot control your mother’s words, tones, actions, and beliefs. That leaves you with you.
You can change the dynamics in your relationship by improving your own mental, emotional and spiritual health. Part of your hostility stems from the real inner knowledge that you were slacking and not doing your best work. You are buying into your mother’s apparent assessment of you. You have the opportunity to develop your own self-image, improve your own behavior and find an inner peace that will allow you to respond calmly and peacefully to anything your mother throws at you.
If you do that, you might be surprised at the changes.” Harmlessoldlady
4. AITJ For Not Standing Up For My Mother?
“I (F27) have this cousin (M51) who my mother (F55) has always adored. My cousin came to America about 30 years ago and decided to marry an American woman to become legal. At the time, he was going out with someone from back home. One day my mother called him and said something that insinuated that his partner had two-timed him.
He broke up with said partner and decided to give his marriage a try. He ended up having two amazing children with her.
Flash forward to like six months, he separated from his wife and is now going out with the ex he broke up with so long ago. He was upset with my mother and she wanted to know why. He decided to come over and asked for my mother along with my father and me to be present for the conversation.
He essentially told us that the woman he’s with now told him about some horrid things my mother said to her way back then and that apparently she never two-timed him. My mother swears on her life to have never said that to her and essentially has been upset and heartbroken since then over accusations.
My mother is constantly saying how I should say something to my cousin and tell him that she didn’t do it.
I’m somehow coming out as the bad person for not having backed her up in the conversation. She says she would have done it for me. I hate confrontation, and could never bring myself to talk to my cousin about something that I wasn’t even alive to experience. However I can’t stop feeling guilty over how upset it has made my mom, and the strain that it’s been putting on our relationship.
I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing.
Edit: so I just tried to help my mother see the situation differently by attempting to explain to her that he’s not upset over something she might or might not have said, but because he sees my mom as the reason behind his relationship with this woman having failed 30 years ago. She now just threatened to go to his kids and essentially tell them that their father regrets having them.
I now feel terrible for having said anything because she’s still blaming me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have no way of knowing what your mom did or didn’t say.
What are you supposed to go, go to him and say ‘Hey cuz you should know that even though I was only a tickle in daddy’s pants at the time, I can say with 100% certainty that Mom didn’t say those things you remember hearing.’
Of course not. Cousin won’t take that seriously nor should he, it will only make cousin dislike you. Or if you tell mom to apologize, it will only make her dislike you.
Your only logical play here is to stay neutral – you don’t know what was said because you weren’t alive at the time, you love them both and you hope they can find a resolution.
Say that as many times as you have to.” SirEDCaLot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no knowledge of the events in question. There’s no way for you to ‘defend’ your mother. She is wrong to pull you into the conflict. The way your mother is treating you regarding these long-ago conversations makes me wonder if there is truth to them.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not your monkeys, not your circus. You’re simply a captive audience. There’s no way for you to attest to something you didn’t witness. The most you can do is pass on a message and maybe explain your mother’s current state of anxiety about it.” CoderJoe1
3. AITJ For Drawing Six-Pack Abs On My Comic Book Character?
“For the last several months I’ve been working on a graphic novel. It’s a fantasy comic, but it’s based on real events. It takes place during a wild couple of years I spent in California as a kid. Instead of California though in the comic my younger self is sent to live in a sort of magical fantasy version of Cali.
The plot is based on what really happened to me back then, but everything is elevated to the level of fantasy. Confrontations with bullies become epic duels, the lonely girl next door becomes a princess in a tower, fireflies become faerie spirits, etc. You get the deal.
Back then the swim team was a huge part of my life. I was around 14 when I joined and it helped me get in shape, gain confidence, and introduced me to some of my lifelong friends.
Naturally, this became a large part of the comic as well. There are a fair few scenes of me and my friends swimming around, training, going to competitions, stuff like that. Also, over the course of the comic, the character design for my younger self changes as he becomes more athletic. He goes from slightly chubby to having a flat stomach and then to having a six-pack.
I thought this was a clever little way to show the progression of time in the comic. I honestly never thought it was a problem until I started showing the comic around to some of my friends and family.
Most everyone I showed the comic to liked it. Most of my friends got a real kick out of reliving our old adventures in a new way.
My aunt, however, looked at the swimming scenes and was instantly upset. She called them ‘obscene’ and demanded I remove them. When I asked why she told me it was inappropriate to have any sort of shirtless scenes in my comic. In particular, she was upset about the fact that I depicted my younger self with visible abs. The thing is though I did have visible abs when I was that age and so did a lot of the other guys on the swim team.
I remember we all used to brag about how ‘ripped’ we were even though we were really just a bunch of skinny twigs, LOL.
When this all first started I thought that I was 100% in the right. The aunt in question is definitely ‘that aunt’ and nobody really takes her seriously. I’m starting to think I’m the jerk though since she’s been like a dog with a bone about this in our family’s group chat.
She keeps bringing it up and is basically low-key accusing me of being a creep. I don’t think anyone believes her, but people are starting to ask me to change the comic just to shut her up. I’ve also noticed that in other comics and cartoons people under the age of 16 are rarely ever depicted with any sort of muscle definition even if they play sports.
I’m starting to wonder if she actually has a point and so I’m coming here for a judgment. It would take a fair bit of work to redraw those scenes, but if it’s the right thing to do then I will do so without complaint. I just need an objective opinion on this topic.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The comic is your creative baby and it’s like pg rated. If you went into details of other things and made it like x-rated then it would be different.
That kind of comic would be something you shouldn’t show your family. But what you described is creative and you’re doing something you love.” lil-peanutbutter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you were drawing yourself without clothes, that would be a different story.
How does your aunt respond to 16-year-olds without shirts on at the beach or a pool? Sounds like she has some issues she needs to work out.
If I were in your shoes, I would stand my ground. Why does she even care what’s in the comic? She doesn’t have to read it.” JustABugReport
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go with your gut here, you didn’t do anything wrong and it sounds like she is just being ‘that aunt’. I think she might want to double-check the definition of the word ‘obscene’.
It’s too bad people are asking you to change the comic.
They should be supporting you, not trying to appease her ridiculous opinion.” stubborn_panda26
2. AITJ For Ruining Things For My Husband's Tennis Group?
“For as long as I’ve known my husband, he’s been playing tennis with the same group of people frequently. I played once when we first went out but tennis wasn’t really my thing so I never joined in.
Now I realize this is going to sound incredibly insecure but I decided to go along because his friend was telling me about how one of the girls is constantly trying to be paired up with my husband and he jokingly said she was going to steal him from me.
My husband did tell him to shut up and said he was exaggerating. My husband is conventionally attractive so he gets a lot of attention which has never made me feel insecure before but after this conversation, it kept bothering me so I ended up asking my husband if I could play tennis with them.
Up until I joined, they had an even number of people and they used to play doubles a lot.
Now my husband spends most of his time either watching me play or trying to help me get better so their usual routine has been ruined. It usually means the girl who used to pair up with him constantly is left alone.
She and two others have been making remarks implying that I’ve ruined things for them and that I should go to lessons instead.
It’s obvious they don’t want me there but won’t say it outright.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you heard your husband mention playing with another lady and immediately rushed out there it would be different. But if your husband’s friend is ‘jokingly’ warning you about this other girl, I don’t blame you for going. Now you and your husband are enjoying playing so it sounds great!
I like tennis and would love it if my husband wanted to play with me!
The other lady’s response is what really cements it for me. Sure it’d be disappointing that she doesn’t have a regular partner anymore, but it’s immature to gripe that he’s playing with his wife. Unless you are truly awful or everyone else played in college etc. and are playing at a high level, I don’t think anyone should be complaining.
It’s a game that adults are playing in their free time. Time to relax. And time for the other lady to recruit a new partner.” runtsky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not stopping him from playing tennis with his friends, you’re simply asserting that he is not single. Those women are mad because they have designs on your man and you’re ruining their little game.
As long as you don’t forbid him from playing you can play too. Maybe not every game as you don’t want to overwhelm him, but you have a right to remind those women that he is not single and that they can’t ‘steal him’ from you. As long as you’re friendly and not controlling your husband I see nothing wrong with it. Your husband hasn’t said anything bad about it so I doubt he minds.” LiveLovelyLala
Another User Comments:
“Ugh. Get over yourself. If this woman is hitting on your husband – which, by the way, I am not at all convinced she is – who cares!? Do you trust your husband? Is he faithful? Then you have nothing to worry about. Your husband won’t have an affair if he… Doesn’t want to. Despite what many people seem to think, someone hitting on you doesn’t act like radiation – the flirting doesn’t just permeate into you and compel you to have an affair.
Your husband is a grown man with agency, and there is nothing that can make him unfaithful if he loves you and doesn’t want to. Really bizarre that you feel like the only thing that can prevent this is your physical presence.
You don’t play tennis, you’re not good at it, and you’re ruining the dynamic of a group that was otherwise having a really good time.
You’re making it seem like this girl is mad because you ruined her chance to steal your husband when in reality she’s probably mad because she actually likes playing tennis and is now the odd person out, just to soothe your insecurities. You don’t even want to be in this group, you’re just doing it to punish this woman, all based on one guy’s random, off-hand joke!
NTJ and please, grow up.” car55tar5
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Doesn't Want My Sisters To Join Us On Vacation?
“I (21 f) told my father on the phone that my partner’s (23 m) parents wanted to invite them to next year’s vacation.
My partner then proceeded to tell me after I ended the call that he didn’t want my sisters (20, 27) coming on vacation with us. He said it’s because he thinks we won’t be spending time with his family if my sisters come with us. Keep in mind his brother and sister (both much older) and his sister’s wife come on vacation too. Am I the jerk for saying I think he’s being ridiculous?
Edit – his dad was the one who invited my family, I will say the invitation was a little out of the blue but has since brought it up twice. I never had mentioned inviting my sisters once, my partner had brought it up by saying he didn’t think they should come. We just finished talking about it and he says it from his end.
He doesn’t get to see his family every day like I get to see mine (my family lives an hour away, while his parents live 30 minutes and his siblings live a couple of states away). I feel like I am the jerk for not seeing his side of the argument BUT I think he is a jerk for saying my sisters shouldn’t come, and the way he said it.
(Also my younger sister and he have had problems before which is why I thought he was being a jerk and not wanting them there.) He just thinks it’s unfair that the sisters I get to see ‘all the time’ (once a month) get to come when he never gets to see his siblings. I didn’t think he cared because he neverrrr reached out to his siblings.
He doesn’t even have his brother’s phone number saved as a contact or even has it for that matter.
My partner also told me he didn’t want me to even ask my family and wanted me to convince my family instead to go on a vacation as well. But I had mentioned that to his dad and his dad told me to still invite my family because he wanted them to.”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, the invitation shouldn’t have even been extended from him. If the parents are inviting, they should be the ones sending out the information your parents need. Is it just the parents, or is it the family? What’s the area we’re going to? Are we taking a plane, boat, or road trip? What makes me feel off most about your partner’s ‘request’ is that it wasn’t soon after you had finished talking to him it seems and the excuse was a pitiful one.
They’re 20/27, why would they impeach on your time besides fooling with you? It’s a vacation and they’re grown women.
I feel this should be a discussion the parents are involved in before anything goes forward basically. You’re not the jerk, but whoever was in charge of wanting to throw invites around needs to learn to do it correctly.” UnluckyBid7655
Another User Comments:
“SO he invites your parents on vacation… not your whole family.
He wants to spend time with HIS family and not have to divide time with yours as well… YTJ, this isn’t your vacation, this is his parents and they get to decide who goes. And of course, HIS siblings would be going on HIS family’s vacation..” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, specifically because you said HIS parents invited your family to THEIR vacation. This isn’t you trying to shoehorn your sisters in.
It isn’t really his place to dictate who his parents extend the invitation to.” Electronic-Tax4469
Another User Comments:
“A mild YTJ. It sounds like your partner’s parents wanted to invite your parents, not your entire family. It’s reasonable of them to want to be able to concentrate on getting to know your parents without having two more people involved.” CaliLemonEater
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