People Wonder If They're The Ones To Blame In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Immediately Wishing My Brother A Happy Birthday?
“Now I (M20) woke up in a not-so-great mood due to a neighbor using a mower at 7 in the morning, so yes I wasn’t feeling the best a bit frustrated perhaps.
Since I woke up early I got the chance to go on the computer, it’s technically mine but my brother’s (m10) been using it and I’m fine with it since I play Xbox most of the time anyway.
Now here’s the story of why I might be a jerk, my brother woke up, and since it was his birthday I was prepared to get off the computer as soon as I finished my mission.
I also had a lovely happy birthday message all sorted and ready to go in my head, and the second he comes down the stairs after waking up the very first thing I heard from his mouth is ‘get off the computer now.’
To be honest it annoyed me that I didn’t get a hello or good morning so I could respond and say happy birthday and explain that I’ll be off in 5 minutes. Now despite the comment from him, I was gonna say happy birthday anyway, but before I could open my mouth he in an angrier tone demands me to get off the computer cause it was his birthday.
Then he said it again and then again and then again, then my mum decided to weigh in on the conversation and say ‘come on, do it for him.’
He continued repeating the demand and my mum started harassing me cause I’m not getting off the computer.
This all happened in the very first 5 minutes of him waking up. Then she started saying I’m a jerk for not saying happy birthday and it’s all he wants and how I should be an adult and grow up, he’s a child it’s all he wanted from me just to hear me say happy birthday.
At this point I’m really really confused, all I’m hearing from my brother is him asking for the computer and my mum calling me a jerk for not saying happy birthday.
I’m annoyed at this point and I get angry with my mum and try to explain to her that I was going to but the first thing out of his mouth to me was that he wanted the computer not that I say happy birthday.
She kept hurling insults at me and I just ignored both of them. She finally just left me alone after calling me immature and childish, I finished my mission, got off the computer, finally said happy birthday, and went up to my room.
So am I the jerk in this situation? It just doesn’t feel like it to me but maybe I was. Should I apologize? I really don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ.
Everyone has bad days. But don’t take it out on your 10-year-old brother on his birthday.
True, he acted like a bit of a brat. But most kids that age do quite regularly!
I don’t think you need to sit and brood on this. It happened, life goes on. You could apologize to clear the air, but you don’t need to let this ruin your week.
It’s just one of those family squabbles.” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I wouldn’t have given him the computer at all. It’s yours, not the family’s or his. And if he can’t be respectful, then he can not use it at all.
The fact that it’s his birthday does not give him the right to be rude, imperious, or entitled.” User
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
Dude your brother is literally 10 years old. You’re 20. He’s a child who just wants to play on the computer for his birthday and also doesn’t understand why his big brother won’t say happy birthday to him.
Just apologize to that 10 yr old kid and wish him happy birthday omg.” LavaMammoth69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since when does the world revolve around a single individual. This kid’s going to grow up an entitled price and wonder why nobody likes him.
So it’s his birthday. Whoop de do. Your mother is enabling this behavior and is the jerk.” kwt8
20. AITJ For Not Paying For My Son's Friend To Go To Camp?
“I have two sons David (16) and Shawn (14).
David has always been quiet, didn’t have a lot of friends, and is a perfectionist. Shawn is more laid back, easy-going, and doesn’t let anything bother him.
Shawn’s best friend since they were little has been Frankie. About seven years ago, Frankie’s father had a stroke.
He was left severely disabled and Frankie’s mother Beth is now the sole earner for the family. With summer coming up, and knowing things were tough for the family, my husband and I arranged to pay to send Frankie to the same sleep-away camp that we send our sons to.
Save for 2020 when camp did not happen we have covered Frankie’s summer camp every year.
David recently came out to us as gay. We of course accept and love our son, and he was very emotional. He revealed that there had been a great deal of bullying at school and Shawn and Frankie had been among the instigators.
Frankie had asked David if we had figured out that he was a (slur) yet, made comments about him staring at other boys in the locker room, and told him he belonged in the girl’s room.
When I confronted Shawn, he told me it was just playing around, it wasn’t serious, and it was no big deal. I told him that his brother took it seriously, it was a big deal, and it was unacceptable.
I’ve taken away his video games until the end of the school year and grounded him for a month. He has since apologized to his brother.
I called Beth and told her what had happened. She was very dismissive. I told her that who my son is was not a punchline and out of respect for his friendship with Shawn to have Frankie leave David alone.
Beth replied that David made himself a target by being an overly sensitive tattletale. I told her I didn’t want to hear that Frankie had said another bad word about David. She said boys will be boys, they’ll have to work it out, and she’s not getting involved.
The first deposit for the camp was due this week and I made the decision not to sponsor Frankie. I called the camp office and explained that due to bullying on Frankie’s part I would not be paying for camp this year.
Beth does not know that I’ve been sponsoring camp since Frankie was 7 as she is only told that an anonymous donor covered camp for him. The only people that know are me, my husband, and the camp office. When I told my husband what I had done, he understood why but felt bad that Frankie wouldn’t get to go and Shawn would be without his best friend at camp.
He pointed out that Beth would have likely said something if she knew we were paying for camp, but I feel like that’s missing the point. He shouldn’t act that way because it’s wrong, not because we pay for camp.
There’s no way that Beth can afford camp and it’s likely going to affect her job to have Frankie at home during the day. I feel I made the right choice to protect my son but still feel guilty. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Frankie has been bullying your son. You are under no obligation to continue funding his summers at camp. You would, in effect, be subsidizing his despicable behavior towards David, and who knows how many other potential targets, if you paid for him to go to camp.
As for any hardship his mother may face, just as she chose not to intervene in her son’s mess, you should also stay in your lane and refrain from intervening in her mess. You have acted in the best interests of both your sons by removing a tormentor for one and a bad influence on the other.
Your husband should be ashamed of himself as failure to fight against bigotry is the same as being complicit and condoning it. When the inevitable happens and Frankie’s mom finds out that the anonymous donor is not going to provide funds, please provide an update.
Hopefully, both your sons will benefit from some time away from Frankie.” cmnsense_superpower
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Frankie, and his mom played a stupid game and now they won a stupid prize. As to the other’s saying that Shawn shouldn’t get to go?
He has been punished at home for what was said (No video games for the rest of the school year… which would be some time in June as well as being grounded for a month) and apologized to his brother.
If OP was to keep Shawn home it would A) affect her plans for the summer and B) allow Shawn to spend time with Frankie as BOTH would be home. Sending Shawn to camp but not paying Frankie’s way means that Frankie stays home and Shawn is gone.
Depending on how long this camp runs this is a week+ that Shawn and Frankie will have no interactions with each other. Frankie and his mom might even be smart enough to figure out WHY the money suddenly dried up and then with any luck either his mom will finally correct her child… or Frankie and Shawn will fall out leaving Shawn to find more tolerant friends.” VermontVampyre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The boys are 14 and 16. Frankie not attending camp doesn’t need to affect Beth’s work at all, as he is old enough to babysit others which means he’s ok enough to be home on his own.
Will she be upset when she finds out the sponsorship is over? Yes. But anonymous sponsorships can end for many reasons and aren’t personal. In your case, it is for a personal reason but she has no need to know that and the camp should maintain your privacy.
Good for you for standing up for your son. I would minimize Frankie’s time in your home and distance yourself from Beth since she also seems to be homophobic.” Ohcrumbcakes
19. AITJ For Canceling My Plans With My Partner?
“I (24M) have chronic pain (arthritis specifically) and it’s prominently in my knees. Some days are fine, but others are hard due to weather, strain, sleeping wrong, etc. Due to a storm system moving in tomorrow I woke up hurting and had to clean my family’s 1-acre property on my own.
My partner (23M) has been struggling lately, so I’ve been spending almost every moment possible with him to help with chores, groceries, and things like that. I’ve been staying over at his place more than I’ve been home, so my family tries to have me help when I am here, like today.
When I finished and got to sit, my whole body got hit with a wave of pain and weariness, so I told him I couldn’t come over tonight. He works tonight, anyway, and we have plans to spend the next two days together.
He shut down on me, called me a jerk, and kept telling me to leave him alone and about how he’s going to give up on everything, and he’s done with me… Because my chronic pain has me wanting to stay home to rest. He’s accused me of being selfish and making everything about myself because I was trying to explain how I felt and why I couldn’t go over.
He’s called me a monster.
Am I the jerk for canceling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You don’t feel well. I get that he’s having a difficult time right now, but that’s no excuse to treat you the way he is.
You sound lovely and you’ve been a really good partner and I’m sorry you aren’t getting back what you give.
I don’t want to tell you to break up but I will say to be on alert to see if this is a one-off thing or if this behavior is a pattern.
If it’s a pattern, you may want to consider other options in your **ture.
Being a good partner – or even a good friend – means being understanding and supportive when the other needs something, even if it means having to make a sacrifice.
Within reason, of course, and you are well within reason.” TheWineElf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is **ll of red flags. When you’re in a relationship, you take someone as they are – medical conditions and all.
He shouldn’t be protecting his frustrations from you.
Think about it, would you get married? What happens to ‘for better and worse, in sickness and in health’?
You could have a serious chat with him about the reality of your condition. Explain that you do care about him, but that your condition will mean there are days like this.” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for canceling. Your partner doesn’t seem to care or understand the severe chronic pain you are in, nor is he appreciative of all that you do to support and care for him. He is too self-absorbed, selfish, demanding, cruel, and needy to be a good partner for you.
You deserve a partner that isn’t going to verbally abuse you for needing downtime because of the chronic pain you experience from arthritis. This is a lifelong condition and you need to be with someone who understands and supports you.
Not someone who abuses you for not spending all your time with him. A good partner would be asking how to help you when the pain gets bad. A good partner would be supportive of you needing time to rest on your own.
A good partner would recognize all that you do to support them.” pink4pink
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin To Stay Over?
“I (15F) have a younger cousin (10F) who we’ll call Y. Ever since I was a kid I couldn’t really stand her. Her father (my mother’s brother) passed away when she was really young, so my mother had the urge to give her extra attention.
As an elementary school kid who couldn’t comprehend all that and was bullied in school as well, for me it felt like my mom quite literally preferred Y over me. She got showered with extra love and affection, while my parents didn’t really have time for me since they had to work a lot.
Now that I’m older I realize it’s not her fault, but all of that over many years has made me resent Y because it was like that with about every adult.
My 16th birthday is in 3 days. Today, my mom had a video call with Y and, since she had promised Y she could have a sleepover today but my mom ended up not having time, she suggested that she could sleep over on my birthday since they’d come anyway and it would be less work for her as others could watch Y as well.
She did NOT ask me how I felt about that (even tho most people in my family know I don’t really like Y and hate spending time with her) and I made it very clear via gestures that I didn’t want her to stay over.
My mother ignored me completely and she and Y agreed on her staying over. After she hung up I asked what that was about and why she didn’t ask me. She said she doesn’t have to get my permission for having her goddaughter sleepover.
What then broke out was about the biggest fight I ever had with her. I won’t go into detail here, but it got pretty ugly.
Later she told me she called Y’s mom and told her that I didn’t want Y to stay over and made a huge deal about it (I have to admit I told her if she stayed over I wanted to cancel my birthday and the party altogether) and that she’d canceled the plan.
A few hours after that, she told me Y’s mom texted her saying she thinks it’d be better if they didn’t come at all. My mom was pretty shaken up. She also told me that I had gotten what I wanted, even tho that’s not what I wanted at all.
Now my mother will hate me forever, I’m the huge jerk and tbh I don’t want to celebrate at all now. I feel horrible, but I don’t understand why they all make that huge of a deal about me simply wanting my cousin to not sleep over that one day of the year.
Forgot to mention: My mental health has never been worse than it has been over the last few weeks. Almost every day I had was miserable and I told my mom I wanted to cancel my birthday weeks ago because I didn’t feel like having that many people over etc. Now that I was almost looking forward to it, my mom drops that bomb and I just felt like she stabbed me in the back and didn’t consider my thoughts on the matter at all.
So, am I the jerk for telling my mom I don’t want my cousin to sleep over at my birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother screwed you over, and under the circumstances, I would have expected you to postpone or cancel the sleepover if a 10-year-old was forced on you.
It’s disrespectful in my view and really is no different than giving you a present than taking it back. A part of what she allowed you to do as a part of your birthday celebration was this sleepover with your friends.
As for your aunt, it was your mother who poisoned that well and only her. No need for you to feel bad or guilty at all. This was always supposed to be a sleepover with your friends. Your cousin was never on the guest list. It just wouldn’t be appropriate.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Even the closest cousins, without the favoritism and drama, I doubt 99% of 16yo kids want their 10yo cousin there. That’s not ‘cool’, she’s 10 and on an entirely different playing field than you. You talk about 16yo stuff that your cousin doesn’t need to know or hear about.
I’d write a note or send a message to your mum so she can’t talk over you and be open, without the anger as to how you’re feeling that your cousin has always been the golden child and how she may have lost her dad, but she still has her mum.
You don’t feel like you do. You don’t feel like you have a space in her life where you’re the priority, and that your needs have been ignored. You feel for your cousin and you don’t blame her, but you’d like for something to be just yours with just you.” MemesRmylovelanguage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’s a thing some people do where they try to out-compete each other with how good and charitable they are over X (with X usually being a kid who is disadvantaged in some way) and while it can be very helpful to X it can be a problem when they start taking from others to benefit X instead of supporting both.
It’s super trashy because when you’re the person being taken from you are made to feel like you’re selfish and feel guilty but you shouldn’t. Like adults who take their kid’s toys and give them to other kids. I once saw an article in National Geographic about some super awesome charity worker who made her kids go shoeless because she gave all her kid’s shoes to village children.
I just felt bad for her kids who were learning that their own parent didn’t value their needs over strangers.
Your MOM wanted to use you to get charity points on your own birthday so you would do the watching but she would get the credit.
That’s not cool. She threw you under the bus so she would seem less at fault for her own mistake. Even worse.
Don’t feel bad for valuing yourself and your own happiness. Someone has to.” BettyTrubble
17. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up On My Dream For The Sake Of My Friend?
“I (19F) have always wanted to go into nursing. My best friend, Dana (19F), has also talked about going into nursing. She started talking about it when we were 12ish.
I, on the other hand, have wanted to do it since I was about 6 or 7.
Last year, Dana ended up having her daughter, Amelia (0F). Her parents were angry at her for having Amelia out of a marriage and forced her to marry her now-husband, Adam (20M, they were together prior to marriage.
He is Amelia’s dad). She is a stay-at-home mom while Adam works in a restaurant. They actually get good money and are well-off, fortunately.
A week ago, I was talking to Dana about what nursing schools I was thinking about.
She got a bit upset at the mention of nursing schools and asked if we could talk about something else. I was a bit confused but I didn’t care and we ended up talking about other things.
The next day, she texted me and asked if I could stop pursuing nursing.
I asked why and she said that it was insensitive because I know she can’t pursue nursing like she wanted to. I told her that I wasn’t going to stop my dreams just because she can’t become a nurse. She explained a bit more and said that it was rude to become someone else’s dream.
She said it would hurt if she watched me become a nurse while she stayed at home, taking care of her daughter.
I said I understand that it hurts, but she chose to become a mother and that’s not my fault.
I reminded her that I always wanted to become a nurse just like her. I also added that she could be doing online courses as well. She hasn’t texted me since and Adam told me she’s been angry and refuses to even look at Amelia anymore.
He says it’s not my fault and that she’ll come around.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your friend is in tremendous pain–we don’t know the circumstances of her child’s birth, but her family forcing her to marry someone and then stay home is… pretty awful.
We also don’t know your culture, or the practical realities, but my guess is that she feels trapped and as if she’s had to give up everything to be a mother, which may not all be what she wants.
Maybe it’s best to give her space or maybe Adam can take some involvement here and facilitate her doing some nursing courses.
You’re the collateral damage in someone else’s personal implosion.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your poor friend isn’t making sense—let’s hope she comes round. Multiple people can have the same dream. If you have a friend with infertility whose dream was to be a parent, you can’t have children yourself in order not to upset her?
Her dream was to have a job that paid over X and until she does so, you can never ask for a raise? Pursue your career, but see if talking about it less helps her. Remind her she has a beautiful baby and will parent before starting her career, while you’ll likely do the opposite.
And OF COURSE, she can still pursue nursing, although her path will be different from yours.” Zorkanian
Another User Comments:
“Actually your friend is in a really privileged position if she can get her head around it, you’ll do nursing school and you can talk to her about what you’ve learned, and then in her spare time (or multitasking time) she can think over what you’ve learned and do her own study and then when you have finished your degree then her daughter will be old enough for solid kindy or whatever child care and she can start on her nursing adventure.
She’ll have a head start on everyone because you’ve helped her out and you’ll be better with what you have learned because you have reinforced it when explaining it to her. Then one day if you want to have a child well she already has that knowledge so you can talk to her about things related to that AND your nursing stuff which you’ll still have in common.
Hopefully, she can get through the thought that this child ends her nursing career because as someone who wanted to be a nurse I can tell ya now you CAN do it while raising children (I’m not saying I did it but I saw people who did).
I guess you can’t have this convo until she’s ready to hear it though, she just needs to readjust her life based on current circumstances just like we all do when life throws us a curveball.” Chickpeasquash
16. AITJ For Not Hiding My Scalp?
“I (16F) have had a really bad scalp picking problem since I was 10.
I have a lot of scabs on my head and I have to be really careful with how I style my hair so that I can hide them.
It was windy out today so when I went outside for gym, my hair blew all over the place.
The worst-looking sores are towards the front of my head and they were visible.
My friend is a few inches taller than me and she could see the top of my head. She made a face like she saw something revolting and tried to give me a hat.
She said that my scalp wounds were disgusting and made me look like a freak. I told her that I did not want to cover my head. Her retort was that she was only trying to help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your friend wanted to offer a hat because you wanted to cover your scalp, that’s one thing. She’s just being mean and I hope she’s normally 1000 times nicer than this otherwise she’s an awful ‘friend’.
If your condition bothers you it’s something that you can talk to a doctor or therapist about. The thing is though most of us don’t have model-perfect hair, skin, nails, bodies, intelligence, posture, etc, etc. The purpose of real friends is that they build you up, not tear you down.
I applaud you for not being bullied into wearing a hat if you didn’t feel like it.” Sea-Resource5933
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend made a very key choice of words. Her only retort should be an apology. (I know you didn’t ask for my advice, only do what you want, this story just reminded me of myself and what I went through.) Don’t worry it’ll get better.
I had the same issue growing up as well as really bad eczema. Personally, I found if I occupied my hands or put on a bonnet and gloves at night I would do it less. If you are able, also meet with a dermatologist, they’ll give you something to help the scabs heal quicker.
Otherwise, keep your scalp moisturized with light oil. You are beautiful inside and out, this too shall pass.” BananaSignificant771
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, op. Sounds like you have BFRB (body-focused repetitive behavior). I would definitely recommend some form of therapy to see if you can figure out the root cause of your picking, or possibly medications as I hear OCD meds have helped others with BFRB.
I have trichotillomania (compulsive hair-pulling) so I feel you about people’s unwanted comments about conditions they know nothing about.” TheeBustyDragon
15. AITJ For Wanting My Coworker To Be Fired Because Of Bad Hygiene?
“I (35f) and my co-worker (30f) work in a small corporate office.
For context, I’ll add I have no pets however she has 5 cats.
In this office we don’t get a lot of foot traffic but when we do she is their first point of contact. Ever since she started working with us the odor that comes off of her has left a lot of our clients asking my boss and her, ‘where is that smell coming from?’ The smell of something that I can only describe as the heavy smell of cats mixed in with someone who takes a shower maybe twice a week.
And this shower is just to get wet and get out.
At first, we gave her the benefit of the doubt wanting not to judge her since we hired her in August 2021 and we didn’t want to assume that she had the means to clean and bathe herself.
But come to find out she lives in a very nice house with her husband, their son, and their five cats.
It’s now April 2022 and she still smells that way. It’s also gotten to the point where we need to remind her to flush the toilet and clean her menstrual b***d from the seats.
Also, long after she leaves a room the smell attaches itself to the seat she was sitting in and the air in the room in general. My boss is super nice and doesn’t want to approach her with this subject because she doesn’t want to hurt her feelings but wants her to know this is also a professional work environment.
Last week, my boss called some of her previous employers to ask without really asking if any of the deciding factors to let her go were based on her hygiene. 4/5 she was able to get in touch with said yes and mentioned it was also accompanied by how lazy and unmotivated she was in day-to-day operations (we are starting to see that a lot recently).
During a work meeting, my boss shared this information with me and I brought up how difficult it’s gotten to work on assignments in close proximity with her because it makes me and several other clients gag because of her odor.
I suggested having a conversation once about it and if she wasn’t willing to change then she would need to go. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your boss DEFINITELY needs to talk to her ASAP and in PRIVATE. It doesn’t matter if everyone knows who/what the problem is, he still needs to talk to her in private as she will be very embarrassed anyway, any more and she may shut down completely.
Your boss is going to have to be kind but blunt. This has gone too far into a disgusting health hazard and there is no more room for hints or beating around the bush. A simple direct statement from her Boss is the only chance she has.
‘Your personal hygiene is not up to acceptable standards. Your odor is distressing to our clients and this will no longer be tolerated. Here is a list of issues that I want you to read now and sign that you understand, then you may take the list with you.
You will be held to the standards in this list and any transgressions will result in your termination.’ Then hand her a list of basic hygiene standards such as brushing your teeth before coming to work. Wearing deodorant at work.
Wrapping your sanitary waste and place it in the trash receptacle provided in the bathroom. Cleaning any mess from bodily waste with antibacterial cleaner. Etc etc…” Mindless_Contract708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, personal hygiene is a must, especially in an office environment.
I’ve worked service jobs and let me tell you some nasty-smelling people would come in. It got to the point where even at home I could only smell really rank body odor. It just makes you miserable. If I had to work around some of those people for hours I think I’d have quit.” fighting-reality
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but someone needs to be blunt with her. Just a ‘hey, this is an awkward conversation but your personal hygiene is impacting your work and those around you. We need you to shower thoroughly with soap daily, use deodorant, and wash your hair once a week.
You need to ensure your clothes are clean and don’t smell. If this is something that is not possible then we will likely end up needing to terminate your employment as it’s affecting our clients. Please let me know if there’s anything we can do to help you with this.’ And give her the chance to speak.
From someone who’s had to have this conversation with multiple students (as a teacher), some people genuinely don’t know how to clean themselves, especially if she’s a bigger woman – she needs to know she has to clean in between the fat rolls, not over them.
Some people don’t have working washing machines or access to regular electricity – just don’t be fooled by the ‘she lives in a nice house’ until you have had a conversation with her – it could be that there’s more going on and you need to give her the benefit of the doubt.
And don’t take it personally if she gets angry, upset, or defensive – it’s hard to hear, but she needs to hear it.” pikasafire
But either way it has to be dealt with by your boss, in a private conversation.
14. AITJ For Removing My Dog From My Ex's Care?
“My ex and I paid 50/50 for our beloved husky about 5 years ago and after our separation shared custody.
However, this caused her emotional distress resulting in aggression against other animals and eventually a family member. I wanted to put her through a specialized rehoming program that helps huskies with aggressive tendencies, but he was opposed and kept her since January of 2021.
A few months ago I noticed she was smaller than she used to be when dropping off our daughter and recommended a diet plan to get her back to a healthy weight. This weekend I came by for a drop-off and could see several of her ribs, and spine, and noticed her hips were also beginning to protrude.
I told him I would take her to the vet to eliminate any medical reasons she may be so thin and he agreed.
The vet was distraught by her appearance as she knew the dog when I would bring her for annual checkups.
They did several tests to find a cause but found no infection or signs of disease. They determined that she was being nutritionally neglected and warned me not to allow her back in his care or she could very well give up from slow starvation.
He had not taken her to the vet in any of the time they were together and skipped the spay appointment I had set. His plan for her weight loss was to give her medication for worms and exercise her more.
Knowing this, I have followed through with the doctor’s recommendation to rehabilitate and rehome her myself.
So now he is very mad despite my warning that this would be a possibility when he agreed to let me get her checked out.
I am being called names, being told I am destroying his family, that he loves her so much and would die without her. I stood firm and reminded him that I paid equally for her, arranged and attended every vet visit, am the person assigned to her microchip ID, maintain a healthy diet when she lived with me, and that animal cruelty is a criminal offense.
Still, I am being told how awful I am. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if that dog was his family and he loves her so much he would prioritize her care. Not only are you not the jerk. It is your duty and responsibility to take care of this dog and get it to a better life with or without your presence.
Thank you for stepping up and helping the poor animal.” HumbleDot4343
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got her out of that situation. If he tries to get her back, make it clear you will report him for animal neglect because that’s exactly what he was doing.
Keep your dog out of your ex’s grasp. Period.” Crycoria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was neglecting an animal and you chose to take over and become her advocate! Kudos to you, keep sticking to your guns. Don’t ever let her back in his care again, personally, I would press charges.” Sariel-Eria
13. AITJ For Maintaining Communication With My Sister's Exes?
“My sister was married for ten years but has now been divorced for about two years. During the marriage, I knew her husband the whole time, saw him as an older brother-type figure, and even lived with the two of them for a number of years.
I knew him really well, and we got along just fine. After the divorce, my sister told me numerous times it was okay that I stayed in contact with her ex-husband. I checked and double-checked with her, and she always maintained that it was okay.
She would sometimes ask me if he had messaged lately and I’d always tell her if he had.
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, that she mentioned it was bothering her if I told her he’d messaged, so I stopped telling her.
Then she requested that I message him and cut off all contact with him because of how much it was upsetting her, so I stopped. But she was getting frustrated with me and saying that I should’ve just automatically known not to message him anymore.
And to be clear, it wasn’t daily or even weekly messaging. It was just once in a while, ‘Hey, how’ve you been? How’s life?’ that kind of thing. We got into a pretty big fight after that one.
Fast forward to now, and she just ended things with the first real relationship since her divorce.
And the same thing is happening again, only she’s told me she’s very hurt by my actions and doesn’t want to speak with me for a while. Her recent ex is someone I knew long before she started going out with him.
We would also message once every while about photography, or just some silly joke. And after they broke up, again, I asked if she cared if there was still contact and again, she said it was okay and I was free to message whoever I want.
What I’m struggling with is how I was meant to realize she was upset and didn’t mean it when she said it was okay.
Again, at first, she wanted me to tell her if he messaged and so I did.
But then she’d get upset and angry and tell me I was intentionally hurting her by letting her know if he messaged, that I should be able to see how much it is hurting her. I’ve stopped communicating with him for good as well, as per her request, but now my sister won’t speak to me after another huge fight where I got defensive and told her she was playing mind games by saying one thing yet meaning another, and I’m wondering if I’ve done the wrong thing here, or if there’s some secret girl code I missed when it comes to exes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless of course, these exes were abusive or something. But since there’s no mention of that, you’re allowed to make friends with the people your sister goes out with and you’re allowed to keep in contact with them.
I suggest just not asking her, and not telling her about it. If she doesn’t know, she can’t get mad at you. At some point, I would also start to consider the possibility of her doing this solely to alienate you.
I wouldn’t go out with my brother’s friends, because I wouldn’t want to ruin their friendship if our relationship went sour. Maybe she doesn’t want you to have friends. Just a possibility.” Lazy-Butterscotch287
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t drop your friends cause your sister is being unreasonable.
Unless the dude(s) were abusing her there is no reason for you to stop contact with them. Just don’t tell her when you do and don’t tell them anything about her. Simple.” VermontVampyre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And to be honest, your sister shouldn’t be dictating your friendships with anyone (including exes).
I don’t think you need to tell her if you talk to them and I don’t think she should ask if she doesn’t want to actually know. Especially for pretty (from what you have said) sporadic and basic conversations.
Maybe that’s an unpopular opinion but it is what it is.” theyhavekids
12. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stay Out Of Our Personal Conversations?
“I have a twin, we’re both 31 and I’m a female. We’ve been super close all our life.
Circumstances from our childhood made us grow a very tight bond early on because we only had each other. With that being said, we’ve never lived separately. We went to the same college but had different career goals. We bought a house together when we were 23.
Shortly thereafter my brother met someone he fell hard for.
After she and I were eventually introduced, we became fast friends. Things got serious between them and she moved in. Before she moved in though, he had a discussion with her about me.
He asked her if she would have an issue with me always living with them. She was absolutely fine with that. They married when we were 25 and she was 30.
Our house is largely spacious enough that we have plenty of privacy, and everyone respects each other.
We’ve lived in perfect harmony for years. Lately, though, my brother’s wife has become almost jealous of our relationship. She’s constantly eavesdropping, or butting in our private conversations. She’ll walk up behind us and repeat something we said and ask what is that about?
We’ll be on our deck and she’ll call his phone acting like she has something important to tell him but really she’s just talking in circles.
To be completely clear, all three of us talk regularly. I’ll hold a conversation with her alone.
Or my brother and I will chat with her in earshot. Most of all, I never pry into their marriage. That’s completely off-limits to me and it’s none of my business either. I respect the privacy they give me and I respect theirs.
I asked her to respect our privacy as siblings, she said that privacy became null and void the day he said I do. He was stunned she said that, we both assured her what we talk about absolutely doesn’t involve anything relating to her.
Most of what my brother and I talk about heavily involves our separate therapy sessions. I’m not comfortable talking to anyone other than him about this stuff. It’s taken me years to actually open up to my therapist. Yesterday, he was in my room and I was telling him about my assignment for the week.
She was standing outside the doorway and said… ‘Oh, you’re in therapy too?’ Quite frankly, that annoyed me, especially after I asked her to please respect our conversations. I told her to butt out of our private conversations.
She said if I need to say something to her husband, I can say it in front of her.
I was upset because he’s the only person I can trust with anything. I can’t handle someone trying to take that away from me.
This was never a problem before and I don’t know why now it is. He said he was going to talk to her and not worry about it. But I don’t want to cause them to have even a simple disagreement because of me.
So I’m going practically lose my accountability partner because she feels threatened by our talks. Maybe one day I could have eventually opened up to her too, but now I just feel like I can’t fully trust her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your SIL is in a very unusual situation; there’s little guidance in the world for how to be in a successful marriage to a man who lives with his twin sister. So, even though she’s being invasive and pushy, I have some sympathy for her.
My feelings are pretty mixed regarding your SIL. I’ve expressed some compassion for her, but I also think that her comments and behavior are yellow flag territory. Your brother’s privacy is null and void now?? That’s an alarming thing to say.
Your brother and his wife might benefit from marriage counseling here. She’s obviously having some feelings about the household dynamic, and I can’t fault her for that. There’s a big difference between privacy and secrecy. How awkward to be feeling like a third wheel in your marital home.
If you’re not talking to your own therapist about the dynamic, perhaps you should consider it.
On one hand, I think that you might have more real sibling privacy if you move into your own place. However, if she’s controlling and abusive, her goal might be to force you to move in order to isolate your brother.
It also seems to me that your brother’s timeline was a little fast—fast enough for her to hide aspects of her personality that are coming out now.
It’s a very complicated situation and ugh, uncomfortable for everyone. I hope that my foreboding thoughts about your SIL are completely off base and that some deep, authentic conversations between the two of them can bring her to understand that she’s not being left out of anything.
Good luck.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s not approaching this the best way, but it sounds to me like she’s realized she got a ‘sugar-coated’ version of her husband’s story/current reality, and she wants to fully participate in his life.
I think that your household dynamic would benefit from actively trying to open up to SIL on a deeper level, like both of you. Unless you think there’s some reason she can’t be trusted, other than that she’s frustrated from being shut out for years.
In this situation where you’re going to continue to live with and be this close to your brother, I think it’s reasonable to ask you to give a bit, or at least to consider it.
I get that neither you nor your brother is obligated to share everything with her.
You particularly don’t have to share anything you don’t want to. But, as someone who has similar trust issues, and who is a little older, I ask you to at least consider opening up more to her, if you always got along before this and she doesn’t even want you to leave.
I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to trust someone else? You won’t ever be comfortable taking that first step, you’re not used to it.
It just seems to me like if you’re going to continue with this nontraditional arrangement, it would go a lot smoother if you include her.
And everything I’m reading about her gives me the overall impression of someone who cares about you, is invested in you, and is interested in getting to know you better. She’s a permanent part of your life, has earned your trust for years, and you’re still shutting her out.
Just to offer a different perspective. Anxiety is awful, and in my experience, the only way to improve it is to challenge yourself, hopefully in ways where a successful outcome is likely. I think you might have seen an opportunity to have that here!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling her to butt out. But I can see how she could feel like you guys are part of a special group that she will never be included in, for literally the rest of her life.
I’m sure she would want her husband to be able to have the type of deep conversation with her, she doesn’t know what is being said she may think that he isn’t opening up to her, and wants that same type of like intimacy (not saying you and your brother are having intimate conversations in an intimate way AT ALL!!)
She should respect boundaries, but I think early on she didn’t realize that starting her life with your brother will never be his true priority and that she will never be close enough to you both to feel fully included. She may have thought that at some point you would meet someone and move out or not need your brother as much or they would start a family and his focus would be on that.
I think she sees the reality and now she is trying too hard to include herself.
I know that trauma can do a number on people and I have been there and have seen people go through so much because of it.
I know trauma can bond people and having an accountability partner is great to have, but I guess I’m surprised that neither therapist has ever set a goal of having space to avoid becoming codependent in some way.
In all honesty, I would not have moved in or married someone who would want me to commit to living in a home I would never own, with the intention of living with their sibling forever and not ever really be able to start our own life together.
But that’s me.
Maybe the 3 of you can go to a therapist together to hear each other out. May be beneficial.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say ‘no jerks here’.
You and your brother are not the jerks for expecting private conversations, and for her to not eavesdrop (although it can be easy to have it happen accidentally in a shared living space).
But I’m not sure your SIL is the jerk either. I think other posters have commented on this, but it’s possible she didn’t understand the extent of your relationship prior to marriage (when she was okay with it). I agree with the idea that people in a couple need people outside that couple to talk and vent to.
No one should have ONLY their spouse to serve as emotional support – you need a network of your spouse, friends, family, etc.
But it doesn’t sound like your brother is talking with his wife at all. They ‘talk regularly’ – but do they talk about important stuff?
Or do they talk about ‘how their day was,’ while he’s talking with you about his issues and the heavy stuff? She’s worried she’s not part of his emotional support network. It almost seems like you’re serving as your brother’s ’emotional partner’ – he talks to you about things, that other people would typically talk to their spouse about, and then doesn’t also share it with her.
So your SIL doesn’t feel like she’s in a partnership – she’s just there for the physical relationship, but the emotional relationship between the two of them doesn’t match it. She may have seen this relationship when they were going out and even engaged, and assumed (rightfully, in my opinion) that it would change once they got married. But it didn’t.
So now she’s questioning her relationship with her husband.” ndcollector
11. AITJ For Wanting To Report The Animal Neglect My Mom Is Doing?
“Today, I (30 F) told my mother (71 F) that my father (62 M) should call a farrier to attend to their ‘pet’ horse (18~20 F) since she has a MASSIVE horizontal crack in one of her front hooves (over 2/3). Basically, it looks like part of it broke off at the very front of the hoof, like a clipped fingernail that missed the very corner part.
Anyway, Mom went on to tell me that not only has the horse never been attended by a farrier or vet since dad bought her and her now-deceased sibling over a decade ago but that since they were never broken in, it probably wouldn’t happen.
I stressed that this isn’t good for the horse’s health, since it could lead to more serious problems and that acknowledging there’s an issue and not fixing it is animal neglect, and if I need to have the horse removed so she could get the treatment needed I would.
I even suggested if dad couldn’t/wouldn’t do it try to sell her or give them to someone with horses who would. To say the least, things escalated quickly from there, and when we hung up she was still under the impression treatment for the horse isn’t necessary.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, it can be difficult to get the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals involved with livestock (including horses), depending on where you live. I experienced this before. Many employees just do not have the expertise to make calls or are overly cautious as the laws are much looser for them.
I would speak to a local horse rescue first for advice and how to make these steps for the best possible success. They should know what the limitations are in your area or be able to provide help.” RevolutionaryPin6091
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call whoever you need to call to get that poor animal taken care of. A bad hoof to a horse would be like us humans walking on a broken/cut foot. Except WORSE because horses spend most of their time on their feet and we don’t.” VermontVampyre
Another User Comments:
“Call the ASPCA or other animal welfare organizations in your area. I cannot stress this enough, you’re NTJ for wanting the horse to have medical attention, but treatment is necessary, and if you’re not doing anything about it then you’re part of the problem here.
Yes, your parents will probably know it was you. Yes, it’s probably worth the hassle, since the alternative is letting the poor horse continue to be in pain.” genus-corvidae
10. AITJ For Taking Away My Friends' Access To My PlayStation Network Account?
“I (17M) am a Venezuelan native that came to the United States when I was 11.
Back in Venezuela, my family was wealthier than the average family. I had the latest video game consoles and went to a private school. You get the deal. I kept in contact with my school friends after moving here, most of them the same age as me, some a bit older and some a bit younger.
If you are not aware of the Venezuelan economic situation I’ll try to be as brief as possible: our money is worthless, so my friends back home are often stuck using technology from 10+ years past. The same goes for video games.
I got my PS4 back in 2017 as a Christmas gift, and I was excited to show my friends back home, of course, all of them had PS3s, so they were naturally jealous. Come 2019 and a few of my friends got lucky enough to be able to afford a PS4, don’t ask me the means, they didn’t tell me such, but the case was that they had PS4s, but almost no money to afford games.
My friend asked me if he could borrow my PlayStation Network account so he could download some of the video games I had installed digitally. I of course agreed since this is a friend I’ve known for years, he wouldn’t leak my information.
I gave the information to another friend of theirs, I even went as far as buying them Fortnite Battle Passes, since the Venezuelan currency can’t be used to buy V-Bucks. At first, it was just thoughtful donations, but after a while, they started abusing my kindness, always asking me to buy a certain game so they could download it.
I didn’t think much of it at first, I get them, they get them, everyone’s happy.
But PlayStation changed their security settings so now the only way they can play these video games is if my account is put as the primary account in their PlayStations.
They both take turns in playing games, but the thing is they never tell me when they’re logging in, they just log in to my account when I’m midway through a match and I get logged out of my own account.
They’ve apologized countless times and promised me that they’d notify me when they use my account. But they never do.
This afternoon I tried to log in because I wanted to play a game I got for my birthday last week, but every game I had in my library was locked. I had no access to any of them.
I texted them both to please deactivate my account as their primary account in their PlayStations cuz I had no idea which of the two I was. One told me that he wasn’t home. So I texted the other and got no response.
My messages wouldn’t even send all the way. I am tired of being used as a money machine by my friends, and not being able to use what I purchased with my money when I want to, which is my right.
I’m planning to change the password to the account and not give it to them when I get access to everything back. I know they probably cannot afford these games, but we made a deal and they’ve broken it countless times.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your friends have taken advantage of your stuff and you are within your rights (and, frankly, justified) in revoking it. You don’t owe them your PlayStation account – it’s not theirs and it’s pretty clear that they’re not being considerate of you.
Cut them off of it for a while, it’s not like they don’t have their own PlayStations.” plutolemy
Another User Comments:
“Kick them out, you are NTJ but they are. They’re just using you at this point. Also, keep in mind that should they want to pull something you could lose your licenses.
I had someone hack my account and PS was not helpful at all. Even after resolving it, I got locked out of making my own console my primary and they wouldn’t let me change it back for 6 months. I also permanently lost licenses to a couple of my games and the only customer service was the chat and they refused to help each time, eventually refusing to even take the case.
I told them I had bank statements and they wouldn’t even accept them. Boot them and make the new log in something they can’t figure out.” stinkykitty71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re mooching. They should be very grateful and appreciative of a friend sharing this with them and instead, they’re abusing it.
NTJ at all for cutting them off. If they’d shown basic manners I’m sure you wouldn’t have, but they’re being rude.” maroongrad
9. WIBTJ For Reaching Out To My Partner's Daughter?
“My partner had his child pretty young (he is 30 and his daughter is approaching fifteen) and his ex-wife and he got married pretty young for the sake of their child but the marriage didn’t work out because there were problems on his part (which have been resolved in our relationship, we have a strong relationship now.)
However, back when his daughter was younger, he kept missing visitation and ultimately lost custody of her. He now regrets this decision as he is on his feet and desperately wants to speak to his daughter.
Now, for when the conflict comes in.
I am thinking of contacting her through social media. I am not going to invite her over, just simply inform her of what her dad’s up to and tell her she is going to have a new sibling as I am pregnant.
I’m pretty sure it’s allowed since it’s not my partner contacting her, it’s me and I was not present in her life when he lost custody. I have never met her or her mother.
However, I have talked this over with my friends and my sister and they are unsure if it’s allowed and unsure if this will be good news as they have pointed out my partner missing visitation to the point where he lost custody and probably had a huge impact on his daughter but if my partner can change his attitude toward his daughter for the better I have no reason for why she couldn’t have as well.
Edit: For all people saying telling her she’s got a new sibling is a bad idea, my partner and I have brought up this point and she always wanted a sibling but due to her mother and my partner not getting along well during their marriage (it was a puppy love thing, the love quickly faded) this obviously never happened.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t think it’s your place to make contact. Your partner should be the one to make contact and ASK the daughter if he wants to meet him. Being 15 and then all of a sudden being contacted by a stranger to meet her father who is also a stranger would be stressful and maybe even traumatic for her.
‘I have no reason why she couldn’t change her attitude’ – her ‘attitude’ towards him is not your decision or her father’s decision or even her own mother’s decision. He made choices that ended up in him losing custody.” Embarrassed_Bus7946
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Losing custody alone doesn’t mean he isn’t allowed to contact her. He’s allowed to have contact with her still given the other party’s cooperation. If he legally isn’t allowed to even talk to her, then more than just losing custody happened and he had some sort of order placed against him.
You are trying to sneak around that behind the mother’s back. Not cool. If you want to contact her, then contact her mom. If you feel like that won’t go well, then it’s probably for a reason. Also, it’s the first time she’s heard from you or her father and you want to tell her you’re her new stepmom and are pregnant?
Get a grip.” DryadsAndSeaNymphs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I think there’s a reason that he’s legally banned from contact and it’s not just cause he missed visitation. I have never heard that in my life. With you mentioning his marriage ending cause of ‘issues’ and then that… I’m going to make a guess the reason he’s not allowed to contact her is pretty bad, bad enough for there to be a protection order or something.
I think you’re intentionally being vague and misleading so people will vote in your favor here. Sneaky sneaky.
No, it would absolutely be gross for you to sneak around whatever order was placed against him to tell his teen daughter whom he LOST for whatever REAL reason that is, that you are pregnant.
You have no idea how she feels about him or her situation and it could feel like to her you’re telling her, ‘look, he’s got a new family now!’ Not to mention her mother won’t know and then the daughter might flip out and cause conflict there, which might be the point.
Like the mother will feel pressured by her daughter to let him see her. It’s just all-around a bad idea. This feels manipulative to me.” ConferenceDecent4222
8. AITJ For Spoiling The Movie For My Partner?
“So, my (20F) partner (20M) and I went to the cinema to see Morbius two nights ago. Part of what I enjoy about watching things is guessing what’s going to happen as I honestly like being wrong when there’s a really good twist in a show/movie.
My partner knows this as we have watched countless movies/tv-shows together. He has shown a dislike for the fact that I am usually able to guess correctly, but this is only when the plot or the twist is fairly predictable.
I suggested we go see Morbius as we had the night free and I saw it getting made fun of online and I wanted to see if Jared Leto’s acting was really that bad. So we go to the cinema and about 15 minutes in I said: ‘what’s the odds that (spoiler).’ My partner gets visibly annoyed at this point and tells me if that is what happens later in the movie he is going to fall out with me.
He’s never reacted to this level before so I thought he was exaggerating as a joke. No. I was wrong. So I’m half right with my predictions and so he keeps his word and falls out with me.
I was meant to be staying at his place that night but instead, we drove home in silence and he dropped me straight home. Since then, he has not texted or contacted me at all.
He has told me before that I don’t seem to understand/read people’s emotions so I am not sure whether I’m just being insensitive to not knowing why he’s acting like this.
I do the guessing thing with all my friends as we find it a really fun part of watching a movie, so I don’t understand why he is so angry at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I won’t say you’re a jerk for talking in the theater (I mean I do it too but it’s more me recognizing characters and saying things like ‘omg it’s Dumbledore!!!’ or ‘oooo I didn’t know the Rock was in this!’ (No those 2 examples are NOT the same movie folks!
So no spoilers there)
However, you’re a jerk for not reading the room. If someone, especially someone you’re going out with, reacts negatively to something you’re doing? STOP DOING IT. If you MUST say something wait until the end and then be like ‘So I guessed this about x minutes in’.
If your partner calls it over from this I wouldn’t blame him tbh. You’ve probably ruined more than enough films for him. Which sucks when you’re PAYING to go see the films.” VermontVampyre
Another User Comments:
“Kinda NTJ but only barely.
I get it, I too like to speculate on movie plot twists as we’re watching, I do this with my partner too, and generally, he goes along with it or ignores me if he’s very into the movie. But some people consider it rude to talk during movies at all, everyone is entitled to their preferences when it comes to enjoying media, and if he’s repeatedly shown annoyance at this behavior well you have these options: continue to guess stuff even if he finds it irritating, keep your thoughts to yourself during the movie (if other people are fine with it then only do it with the people you know don’t mind), or don’t watch movies with him at all.
He is overreacting in my opinion, but if this behavior is a dealbreaker for him and it’s a part of your personality you are not willing to compromise on, then it’s no use trying to get back together, I know it seems crazy to break up over this but hey, there’s plenty of people who enjoy talking during movies so maybe you’ll find someone more compatible.
(and honestly, someone who is willing to drop you like that just cause of a trait they find annoying is not worth your time)” ella-es-chikorita
Another User Comments:
“Hard to say, clearly your partner doesn’t like that kind of thing, and despite knowing that you kept doing it – so for that YTJ.
However, that’s an extreme reaction, so either he REALLY doesn’t like it and you’ve done it so many times despite him consistently asking you not to, in which case you’re really, really the jerk, or something else is going on and this mild annoyance just tipped him over the edge.
So it’s either big YTJ or little YTJ depending on that context for me.” Kilmerval
7. AITJ For Going Through Hormone Replacement Therapy Without My Parents' Support?
“I’m a transgender male, and whether you believe we exist or not my city covers transitional costs and allows people 16+ to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT) with or without parental consent. For over two years I’ve been talking to doctors, therapists, and physiatrists, with no success.
The way the system works here is before sixteen you can start HRT, but it’s very difficult to do so without parental consent and my parents do not support me, but I’ll get into that in more detail later. I just turned 16 a couple of months ago so I’m eligible to start, in fact, I’m seeing my physiatrist for the last time in two days.
My parents do not believe trans people exist. My mother really believes I and other trans people have been affected by social media influencers to hate being women. That we have been made to hate ourselves and that’s the only reason we’d ever want to present differently.
That being transgender is inherently anti-feminist. My mother is more vocal than my father but he shares similar beliefs, albeit less extreme. My mother has always been this way. One of my earliest memories of her was her telling me about ‘men invading the women’s bathroom’, referring to trans women.
I’ve tried to explain LGBTQ issues and what it means to be trans to her but it never reaches her. This post isn’t meant to drag my mother, I do care about her and it hurts that the only way I can find comfort in life offends her.
But, this is relevant background information.
I’ve been dancing around the issue of starting HRT with my parents. I’ve had my fair share of awkward silent dinners and at some point, I just gave up trying to explain how beneficial transitioning would be to my parents and went back into the closet.
I’ve instructed my doctors not to tell them my plans to start testosterone. The story they know is that I’m struggling with my gender identity and I want to take antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds to ‘fix’ myself. I can’t express how much it hurts to lie to them, I wish they would accept me on better terms, but telling them what they want to hear is the only way I can keep things calm at home.
And it worked. Before I employed this strategy she would yell at me, saying she couldn’t believe she raised such a jerkhead, or that I was breaking up our family. I knew she didn’t mean it but those words cut deep.
I can’t keep living this way, going through female puberty was miserable. But I’m afraid if I start HRT, it will destroy my family. It’s more than a fear, I know I will. Honestly, the best-case scenario is if I get kicked out, then at least both me and my parents can be happy.
I just don’t know if I’m in the right here, am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes family isn’t what it is in the movies. But you only get one life. And you should live it feeling comfortable in your own skin.
Whether or not the b***d you come from, understands. Sometimes the best family isn’t b***d. (They’re friends and you’ll meet them along your path). You are young though… try and set yourself up for success. If you know the outcome, prepare yourself for a safe out, save up funds, hold off a little bit if you can, and find a backup place to live.
Just make a plan for your next step, it’ll help you in the long run. One day, future you is going to be so proud of your bravery. Sending love and light.” justjess1217
Another User Comments:
“Beloved, she did mean the cruel things she said – but that is a negative reflection on her and not you.
You are already doing the smartest thing you can for now, which is to take care of yourself while playing nice at home to keep the peace.
It may take a while for the HRT to show effects, but please be careful not to let your parents see.
Keep up with shaving, and watch a lot of vocal training videos so you can learn how to switch between masculine and feminine vocalization. Your voice drop will eventually be noticeable, but remember that trans women can train themselves to speak more femininely, and so can you.
Please, please, please do not believe what your parents say about you. You have the right to live as a man. You have the right to be comfortable in your skin. You do not owe ANYBODY the performance of the gender they want from you.
You will get through this. You will be okay. One day, you will be sitting in the body you are comfortable with looking back on this from a distance. And you will be safe. And you will be loved.
NTJ.” StrikeToast1922
Live your best life for you. You owe them nothing.
Let me repeat that, parents owe their children unconditional love, negating who your child is at their core is abusive.
Harvard did a study. You could try to show it to them, but I doubt it'll help.
https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2016/gender-lines-science-transgender-identity/
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Quit Smoking?
“I am a 17-year-old female. My mom and dad are divorced and I am living with my dad in Colorado. I visit my mom when I have some time off of school and ever since before I was born my mom has had a bad smoking issue.
I and her own sister’s family have asked her to stop for her sake and she won’t quit.
Recently, she got married to my stepfather and he is a good guy, but he smokes more than her which didn’t help with her problem.
During my spring break, I went out to my mom’s place in Utah and she was smoking more than before. Before she moved out to Utah she promised to quit smoking and here she is smoking more than ever and it broke my heart seeing her break her last promise to me about her smoking.
When I came back home, I told my mom I won’t live with her in Utah (this was our plan to happen all the way back since Christmas) unless she quits smoking. She blew up at me and told me she will quit when I quit video gaming.
I feel terrible. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but probably not being realistic either. Smoking isn’t an easy addiction to address. Those folks smoking through tubes in their throats aren’t doing it for no reason. Ultimatums don’t work.
Guilt doesn’t work. It’s going to come down to either interacting with her in spite of this addiction or not. Trying to make her quit won’t work.” niennabobenna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t the parent here. She was totally out of bounds comparing a life-threatening addiction to your hobby.
It may hurt, but I hope it gets better for you.” thezestywalru23
5. AITJ For Going Home Early Due To Stomach Issues?
“I (32F) went out with my friend 32F for my birthday. For the celebration, I reserved a room at a hotel downtown & booked tickets for a show. The hotel was in the city where we hang out all the time.
This time we just got a hotel so we wouldn’t have to travel so late.
The hotel is located downtown about 45 car ride and one hour on the train. I have to mention that the hotel room we were staying in did not have a separate room for the toilet.
There was just a curtain between the bed and the toilet. The night before we discussed how we were getting home since we live in two different areas. I was always going to take an Uber home because I had a gift card and she was going to take an Uber to the nearest train.
I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome & barely drink. But I wanted to have a fun night out especially after everything that’s been going on. During the show, I had a mixed juice tequila shot and a mixed drink.
My friend wanted me to continue drinking but I didn’t want to end up on the toilet all night and morning. I thought I would be fine.
The next day I woke up nauseous and full of cramps. I tried to use the bathroom while my friend was sleeping.
I just couldn’t go because the only thing separating me & from my friend’s bed was a curtain. I knew that my stomach pains wouldn’t go away and I needed to leave.
I was planning to start packing and wake up my friend after I was done to let her know what the new plan was.
I didn’t want to wake her up earlier because I wanted her to sleep in. She woke up and I explained that I was feeling sick and I wanted to get home ASAP. Once she acknowledged that was it, I left. I go downstairs & wait for my Uber.
I let her know that I made it, and thank her for a wonderful night. She texts back to feel better. I sat on the couch all day with ginger ale and soup.
After that, I would get one-word replies to my texts and lots of one-sided conversations.
A month later, she asked for a favor. I asked her if everything was okay between us because I haven’t heard back from her and when I did, it was one-word answers. She let me know that she didn’t like being left alone after spending the night celebrating with me and that I left without discussing it or including her.
I explain that I tried to use the bathroom while she was sleeping but I did not feel comfortable using it. My stomach was hurting. All I wanted to do is be home and use the bathroom w/o anxiety.
She kept saying that she understands but still felt used because I left her in a strange place. Yes, it was a hotel but it was in the city we only ever hang out in. It wasn’t far from home, nor was it in a new city.
We already discussed the plans the night before the only missing piece was breakfast, we were always going to get two different cabs to two different places.
While she was awake, I was telling her the plan, at no point did she say hey, do you mind us going together or can I get dressed and leave with you?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like she’s not very understanding of your situation, using the fact that you were supposed to have been using her as an excuse. You cannot help that you suffer from a chronic condition that you have no control over.
She reminds me of a former friend I had that behaved a similar way. Let her know that if she continues to be unreasonable about your IBS, you guys aren’t going to be friends anymore.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You left her in a hotel, not a bar. She was somewhere safe, and you told her you were leaving. You need to take care of yourself, especially when it’s a medical thing, and it doesn’t sound like she’s very understanding especially since she also pressured you to drink more too.
To top it off, she basically ghosted you for a month rather than directly telling you how she felt. If she felt abandoned and had hurt feelings from that, she should have brought it up instead of waiting such a long time.” Proper_Garlic3171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is an adult. You didn’t leave her somewhere without phone service or a bar or even an Airbnb or a different part of the world. Sometimes things happen and they are out of anyone’s control.
Bad things happen. You already discussed travel plans the night before and thought she would be safe. If she was feeling upset, she could have spoken the day of, the next day, or even the week afterward. She choose not to and she wasn’t even planning to, it sounds like if she didn’t need a favor.
If your friend doesn’t understand that you didn’t do this out of malice then you don’t really need a friend this codependent.” _getgreek
4. AITJ Being Annoyed That My Sister Isn't Doing Anything?
“I, female 14 live with my mum and with my sister and brother.
I have another sister who lives with my dad. (divorced) She’s turning 17 and she suffers from some mental conditions.
Growing up I always did a lot in the household, not too much tho but I’m used to it by now.
Every now and then I go to my dad’s and I help in the household as well but also hang out with my family. My sister rarely ever comes over, so my mum is super happy when she does. But when she does, she never does anything.
At my dad’s she does a few household chores but always complains about doing too much and gets in fights with my step mum and my dad.
So my mum never lets her do anything, she sits in MY bed all day while I sleep on the floor next to my bed on a mattress, and she’s always on her phone.
Obviously, it’s annoying. When she does come to the living room or outside it’s for food and she mostly complains about it. Like sometimes she would complain about not having juice in our fridge or not always having ice cream, so spoiled I swear.
She never had the feeling of not having enough money it’s annoying.
So sometimes I’d ask my brother and her to help my mum and me with the groceries or dishes. I did that today right after I came home after a long exhausting time of shopping etc with my mum and my mum didn’t wanna ask them to do anything.
They were sat down on the sofa watching stuff on the tv.
I went to my brother and said ‘can you help pack the groceries, we just came home and are exhausted.’
I get a ‘but we just sat down.’
‘What have you been doing, sitting down all day already.’
‘No, we just sewed something’ (while sitting btw).
Obviously, I get mad cause my sister is also getting involved ‘and what have you been doing? All you do is sit in my bed and do nothing, just pack the groceries before mum does it.’
‘We will pack it once she does.’
I got even madder ‘just do it now???’
‘No, we will do it after.’ (keep in mind, my other sister was at work and my brother is 18)
‘Okay fine, but if you don’t I’m gonna get mad.’
They did in fact pack them, but not all, my mum did the most. And later on, I got mad at my mum ‘why don’t you make her do anything? She’s not a child’ and she hits me with the classic ‘she doesn’t come over much honey I wanna make it fun for her’
‘Fun? By making her even lazier? She will think it’s just a place for her to sit so her step mum doesn’t annoy her anymore! She won’t come for us or you, but for the laziness, she gains!’ We stopped after a while, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would just stop expecting anything from her, stop interacting with her (literally ignore her), and just definitely don’t get drawn into fights and conflict with her. Maybe you will get a chance to have a heart-to-heart with your mom and tell her how this is hard for you.
I agree with you that this is completely unfair. I’m sorry you are surrounded by immaturity. Just focus on your own well-being and success, really.” CherryWand
Another User Comments:
“She doesn’t live there. Your mom probably DOES want her to have a good time when she’s there.
My sisters didn’t live with me growing up. I lived with my maternal grandparents and my brother, they lived with their dads. They weren’t expected to do things around the house when they came over. It wasn’t their house lol.
They’d do dishes sometimes & little things like that but mostly so my grandparents didn’t have to do it… because they were old.
It was never even really thought for them to help with housework when they were over, everyone just wanted to see each other and chill out and have fun.
And it’s also not up to you who’s expected to do these things. Not to sound like a jerk but give it a few years and you’ll realize how dumb this all was, coming from a 19-year-old who moved out like 6 months ago.
All the ‘I do more than you’ fight w my brother seems so stupid now.” Hairy-Memory8069
3. AITJ For Changing My Password?
“A couple of days ago I had given my account info to two of my friends so that they could play a game I had bought.
Earlier today I got a text from my friend asking me if he could have my account too so that he could also play the game (I would say that I am sort of close to this friend but not enough trust to give him the info.) I had told him no but he kept insisting for me to give it to him, after we kept going at it he gave up and stopped asking.
Later in the day, I’m playing and he joins the party and tells me ‘Hey look what I’m playing.’ I go and look and see that it’s the game he wanted off my account. I ask him ‘oh God, dude did you buy the game’.
He then tells me ‘no friend #2 gave it to me’. When he told me this I got really mad so I ask friend #2 why he gave him the info to which he tells him ‘cmon man it’s friend #3 it’s fine dude why are you freaking out’.
After he had said this I got really mad, ‘You told me you weren’t going to give the info to anyone but you gave it to him anyways.’ He said, ‘but he kept bugging me about it and it was getting annoying so I gave it to him.’ At this point, I’m gonna log off and not play but friend #1 tells me ‘Why don’t you just change the password’ when he told me this I got on my phone and changed it right there and sent the new info to friend #1.
This is where friends #2 & 3 are mad at me for changing the password and start saying things to me about why I couldn’t just keep it so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for cutting your friends off because they betrayed your trust. Soft YTJ to yourself for sharing your password in the first place.
I don’t necessarily agree with what was said earlier about it. My concern is most people reuse passwords for various accounts and now that information is known by other people. I work in IT and the hammer is about not sharing passwords and with the huge spike in hacking, you’re exposing yourself.
And I speak from experience because some of my info was compromised and I have to change several passwords. Just protect yourself and don’t share passwords.” bikephlyer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend betrayed you and gave out your password to someone else.
That is just not done. It is like a slap in the face when you did a nice thing for him. This sort of behavior is why I never give out my passwords to anyone, not even my bestie of over 15 years.
She has never given me one of her passwords either.
The only way we might have shared a password to something is if we were both paying for it. Otherwise no. We take our online security seriously.” KarenMaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sharing accounts is generally a bad idea – as someone mentioned, it’s against the terms of service of just about every service, so if the platform/host detects suspicious activity the account can end up banned/suspended. May also find out if one of your friends likes using shady apps – which can also send your account to bansville.
And lastly, yeah, the whole fact it may end up with your account stolen – some services you may not be able to retrieve the account, others you have to go through a process to get it back.
So if you do want to still go ahead and trust someone with an account, you have to really trust them so your account doesn’t accidentally end up in bad standing.
Friend #2 proved they were absolutely a liability.” quenishi
2. WIBTJ If I Tell My Neighbor To Make His Dog Pee Somewhere Else?
“I (pregnant 23f) am becoming uncomfortable with one of my neighbor’s actions. Every time I, my partner (22m), or my dog cross paths with this guy he stares at us with a disgruntled look on his face.
We’ve never had a conversation with him and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t live in any units adjacent to or next to ours.
One time we ran into him in the hallway and his dog, a golden retriever, playfully came at me and almost jumped on me so I aggressively (I am visibly pregnant and want to avoid any kind of injury) backed away to make space between us.
He was trying to control his dog so my partner and I backed up to give him even more space. We even apologized to him and smiled. He just stood there tussling with his dog in the middle of the hallway.
He said nothing to us, just his usual stare, and eventually made his way out of the building.
So onto the issue. We live on the first floor in a front-facing unit. In front of our window is a small area with mulch, a few bushes, and some decorative rocks.
Occasionally we would see him bring his dog 2 feet away from our window, allow the dog to pee and reward it with a treat.
It’s weird that out of all places to take your dog to pee, he decided to bring him 2 feet from our window.
No one else (that we’ve noticed) brings their dog that close to our window. We don’t even let our dog pee in the area.
And yes he knows we live there because we ran into him and his dog as we were leaving which caused him to quickly pull his dog away.
Today I was sweeping and just happened to look out of the window and boom there he was 2 feet away from our window giving his dog a treat for peeing.
WIBTJ if I said something to him about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as others have said, it would probably be better to go to the complex manager regarding this issue.
Regarding dogs that like to jump up a solution that generally works on larger breeds (honestly I’ve never seen it not work myself) is to bring up a knee towards their chest. Basically directly towards them, their paws don’t really find good purchase on a knee so they tend to drop back down.
Just raise a knee every time they jump up, no harm to the dog, and saves yourself and your clothes.” sanguineophanim
Another User Comments:
“I would talk to the complex first. But I’ll tell you what I live in a complex full of dogs and they legit pee everywhere.
I have a back patio with bushes and little trees and dogs always pee there. So talk to the complex instead of the guy. Probably safer. See what the rules are and tell them what is happening. NTJ.” throwawayyy9867_
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ But I don’t think it would go well. You’d be better off talking to the apartment complex management and see if they can put a designated doggy pee area somewhere away from your window.” SoMuchMoreEagle
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Little Sister To Attend My Birthday Party?
“I recently had my sixteenth birthday party, and my partner who we will call Kay insisted on bringing her seven-year-old sister, who we’ll call Katherine.
Keep in mind the party was a small picnic with me and six friends. Me and my best friend who we will call Tom talked to her on facetime, and told her that we would all benefit from Katherine staying home.
Kay became really upset and told us ‘Katherine doesn’t have a lot of friends, I just want her to socialize.’
Then one of my other friends who we will call Connie offered to watch Katherine during the picnic, which drove me up the wall because I just wanted Connie to be able to relax and have fun!
I’m only angry because Kay always brings Katherine to hangouts, and argues with us if we don’t want Katherine to go.
Eventually, I decided to lie by telling her that it was actually going to be at a local restaurant, hoping she would agree to not bring Katherine, but she still said that she would.
Eventually, I told her that it was going to be a reserved table with only seven seats, and she literally would not be able to bring Katherine.
When we were picking her up, Tom and I told her ‘change of plans, we’re still doing the picnic.’ This is when she got annoyed. She was so angry that I lied to her, and is still telling me that I’m ‘awful at planning’ and ‘awful at communication’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle ‘everyone sucks here’ in your case. It was a special event for you so your girl should have understood when you said you didn’t want her sister to come (and honestly she shouldn’t bring her 7-year-old sister every time a group of 16-year-olds wants to hang out anyway.) You tried to reason with her and she still insisted on bringing her sister and got defensive so she is clearly a jerk.
I think you still slightly suck for lying rather than sticking firm to your boundary (although I can see how you might have felt backed into a corner). I think it would have been better to continue to communicate why you don’t want her sister there and to let your girl know, that if she can’t come without her sister, she can’t come at all.
This sounds like a bigger issue you need to address though. It’s not normal to try to socialize a 7-year-old with 16-year-olds. They are in such different stages of development that it really makes no sense. It might be okay for her to bring her sister on occasion, but it should definitely not be a regular thing.
It would make me not want to hang out with your girl at all.” alt546789
Another User Comments:
“I would say everyone’s the jerk – because you shouldn’t have lied. But it sounds like the only other option here would’ve been to uninvite Kay, your girl, entirely.
I think that’s something even a lot of adults would struggle with, having to uninvite a partner from a birthday party of all things, but add in the extra pressure that comes from being a teenager and navigating a social life I can understand why you’d try to avoid that.
So NTJ from me. It’s your birthday party (and a somewhat important one), you shouldn’t have to have anyone there you don’t want to. Also, if she wants Katherine to socialize then she should’ve arranged playdates with Katherine’s peers, not dragging a 7-year-old to hang out with a bunch of teens.” KZWinn
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, You lied to kay and she shouldn’t be bringing a 7-year-old around a bunch of rowdy teens (unsupervised?), especially in 2022.
I don’t see in what world it’s a good idea to bring a very young child with you, and risk exposing them to stuff an adult would (mostly) be mature enough not to do in front of children.
However, You also lied to your partner, and that sets a precedent that points to the possibility you might lie to people a lot if you were okay with lying to her face about it so casually. I think that requires more explanation, if it’s just a one-off thing you decided at the moment because you didn’t want a minor (rightfully so) coming with you, then you’re NTJ.
If it comes out that you’re a recurring liar, YTJ and she should find someone else to be with.” WhenCodeFlies
