People Demand Our Opinion On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Putting All My And My Partner's Pictures Together?
“My partner and I have been together a little over 2 years, lived together for one. We have normal arguments, like every couple, but it constantly seems like I’m being accused of ‘not loving him’. I put pictures of us together yesterday, vacations, etc, on their own shelf, pictures of everyone else on another.
I like our pictures to have their own ‘space’, makes it special to me. He sees that as ‘I don’t love him because I separate him’. But that’s not what it is at all. I hold ‘us’ in our own category of romantic love, it’s special. But he won’t listen to me, he shuts down and won’t speak to me.
He thinks me not wanting to have kids right now until we have a little more security is really me saying ‘I never want kids ever’ (he really wants kids).
I have tried so hard to explain my reasoning for things he misunderstands, but he never gives me the time of day. Won’t try to be romantic because ‘most girls like it when you talk dirty, not sweet, I don’t know how’. It’s so frustrating. I feel like everything I do is misunderstood and misconstrued.
He told me yesterday he doesn’t believe I even love him, and that he’s starting to not love me too.
But I do love him. Immensely. He talks to friends about me all the time whenever we have an issue, other women mostly, who all like to tell him that I am ‘using’ him and am ‘good for nothing.’ He’s immediately swayed by the words of others but won’t listen to his girl. He used to constantly ask me if I talked to other people, was very paranoid, and even cut off all my guy friends because I didn’t want him to worry.
Meanwhile, the majority of his friends are girls, which I have zero problems with- cos I trust him. I know some of this comes from past relationships he has had, but I feel like at some point that shouldn’t be applied to me anymore. I moved cross-country for him, left everything behind for him, and I still get called a ‘moocher’ by the girls on his discord.
I am not saying I am innocent, I can have an attitude sometimes, but it’s mostly because I feel like I constantly need to be on the defensive with him, cos he’s always accusing me of doing something I am not. I’m tired though. Why should my pictures and my frames, and my memories and keepsakes be a trigger for him?
I don’t know what to do, cos he won’t talk to me, and won’t believe anything I say anyway, so I bought a ticket back home for me and my dog, removing myself- since I seem to be the problem.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He is emotionally manipulating you. His stance is that unless everything in the relationship is done on his terms, you don’t love him. He is constantly playing the victim (like with the picture argument, which is just ridiculous) so that you constantly feel like you need to apologize and prove your love. He keeps you so busy feeling like the bad guy, that you don’t have a second to think about whether you are ok with how he treats you or what you need from the relationship.
Removing yourself (and your dog) from the situation is the best thing you can do. Not because you are the jerk, but because you deserve better.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS MAN
This is toxic, manipulative behavior — and even if you still love him, he straight-up told you that he isn’t sure if he still loves you!
Time to wrap things up and get yourself back to a safe place with people who care about you! (Please make sure the dog comes with you for the dog’s safety.) Even if you cut off friends/family previously for this guy, please don’t be afraid to reach back out to those people to ask for their help — maybe some have moved on, but there is always someone in your past who still cares about you.
Take care of yourself! NTJ in the littlest bit.” gb22518
Another User Comments:
“You are certainly NTJ.
He clearly has some kind of paranoia issue and is being steered away from you by his female friends. If he was going to continue acting like that, then maybe it’s time to realize that, though you love him and stick up for him, he is not going to do the same.
Staying with him is only going to make it worse. If he wants to mend it and settle the issues, then I would give him the chance to let it out. If he is unapologetic about his behavior though, then it’s just mental at this point.” RedEmissary
22. AITJ For Not Labeling Seasonings In My House?
“My husband and I (25F) went on a trip this weekend and my sister (20F) has been house/dog sitting for us while we are gone. She calls me today asking what seasoning is inside this unlabeled shaker I have in my cabinet. She says she has been using it as salt this week and just got a good look at it and realized it didn’t look like salt.
I told her it was MSG that I use for cooking at times. It came in a 1lb bag so I bought a generic shaker off of Amazon to put it in. She was annoyed at me and told me I should label my stuff especially if I’m planning on having guests over at my house for an extended period of time. I rebutted that it’s my house and that the residents of the house know what it is and I just really didn’t think about telling her about it before leaving.
I also have other shakers labeled salt and pepper in the same cabinet that she could’ve also used. She got even more annoyed at me for saying it was my house and told me I ruined her breakfast. AITJ for not labeling my stuff?
Before anyone says anything, she has no allergies and MSG is safe for consumption. She is fine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if there are ones labeled in the same place then she should have just used those.
That said I really would advise labeling things without labels because if you forget about something and need it at some point later you’ll have a hard time figuring out which one it is. Happened to me recently with a jar of duck fat we use to roast vegetables.
It got mixed up with our other grease jar and that is not the sort of thing you want to mix up. Labeling saves so many possible mixups.” Mystic_Arts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are your spices. Not sure why she used a mystery substance regularly without inquiring. My grandma kept all of her spices and herbs in jars with labels removed to preserve the secrets of her recipes.
It worked, too.” Illustrious_Hope2618
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She could have asked beforehand. Calling you and saying ‘hey it’s salt in this generic shaker yeah?’ would have solved the issue right away. Or she could have simply sprinkled a bit on her hand, tasted it, and there she would have been realizing it does not taste like salt.” NmlsFool
21. WIBTJ For Avoiding My Mom And Her Newborn?
“My mom (42F) just had a baby (0F) this morning. I am the oldest of her now 5 children, and our ages span from 22 to newborn now. My parents have been divorced since I was 7 and this is my mother’s fourth marriage. I’ve never had the best relationship with either of my parents, but it’s been especially rough with my mom. Several times were growing up that she would ignore my or my full siblings’ needs because it didn’t vibe with what her man wanted. When I was 13 she gave up custody and moved to a different state to be with her third husband and baby daddy to my brother (8M).
They were together for about seven years, and it was during this time that I both went no contact with her for two years in high school and reconnected. I became closer to her again and enjoyed spending time with her. That lasted up until early 2020 when she told me she was divorcing her husband.
I was never a big fan of him and I knew that she wasn’t happy so I was okay with it.
What I was never okay with was her lying to me, and she lied to me again that day when she told me that there wasn’t anyone else. But the way she was hiding her phone and texting non-stop was a dead giveaway. The next time I saw her she admitted that there was a new guy and they were already together.
It reminded me of when I was younger and she hopped in and out of relationships.
I immediately pulled back into our relationship and haven’t been an active participant for a long time. The one time I tried to say something about my concern for my little brother, she blew up in my text messages and ghosted me.
She would also get pregnant a lot with new guys. She has 5 children now but she’s been pregnant at least 8-9 times.
She told me that she was done with babies after she had my brother. She got pregnant around May/June last year after telling me over and over that she was done and didn’t care what her partner thought. Turns out this was a planned pregnancy from the beginning, so again, more lies.
So onto today: baby is born at two in the morning.
I have not responded to any of the messages with pictures or commented on any posts on social media. I haven’t contacted my mom at all and don’t plan to until she reaches out. I honestly wasn’t even sure of the baby’s name until about a month ago because I’ve been so uninterested and uninvolved in the pregnancy in spite of her trying to include me.
I have no bad feelings towards the baby herself. She didn’t choose to be born. I’d never do anything to hurt her. I just don’t want to be around her or my mother for a while. I know this will hurt my mother’s feelings since she seems to think this baby will be treated the same as my brother, but so much has changed since then and I’m an adult with my own life.
So WIBTJ for avoiding my mom and her newborn?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If I were you I would cut contact again. Don’t wait around to be hurt and ignored again OP. Tell her you’re tired of this draining cycle she insists on living over being happy with her children.
I would ask why she hadn’t learned that getting pregnant won’t make her man stay.
It seems a lot like her whole relationship with you is based on her terms and not respect and love for you. She’s already proven she isn’t interested in you when she moved to be with her new husband. That shows where her priorities have always been.
Don’t be surprised if your mother ghosts you or ignores you due to the new baby.
Do yourself a favor and step back.” LordDessik
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you say you’re an adult but you don’t act like one. Families are messy. They are good, bad, ugly, happy, sad, the family will love, the family will hurt but you don’t just cut family out of your life unless they do something that’s completely unforgivable and being non-monogamous, which your mother appears to be, is not a good enough reason to cut her out of your life.
You say you won’t talk to your mom until she reaches out but she already did by sending you pics and she’s been trying to reach out and you’re ignoring her. She’s trying to include you in her life and her younger children’s lives and you act like you couldn’t care less. I hope you realize that you’re in the wrong before you do irreparable damage because remember that she has 4 other children to put her energy into instead of wasting it on you.” flashnight22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like a sick woman who needs mental help, and you and your siblings are the casualties here. You have no responsibility to get involved. You have no reason to be involved with this kid’s life or feel pressured to be involved. If she throws a tantrum about it publicly, maybe point out that she’s done this almost 10 times before, and everyone knows she’ll drop this dude and her daughter in a few years.
Then block her, and get yourself a therapist.” Redband-Trout
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law Keep My Son?
“I (22F) and my fiancé (22M) have been together for 3 years now.
Not long after I met my fiancé, I moved in with him and his mom because of my home situation. I already knew she didn’t like me but my fiancé kept begging me to stay with them and that everything will work itself out. About two weeks after I moved in, I had gotten two kidney stones and was bedridden due to the fact that I was in so much pain.
My MIL was very aware of this happening but kicked me out anyway because I was ‘lazy’ and ‘ungrateful’ since I wasn’t cleaning her house.
Fast forward about a year; I start working for her and became a store manager. During this time I was living back with them and everything was actually pretty great, we were getting along and she acted like she loved me.
Six months later, I found out we were pregnant. Two months before I gave birth, my fiancé and I moved out into the country so we could support our family fully and be adults. I had our baby in 2020 so at the time the hospital would only allow two people in the delivery room with me so, of course, I chose my mother and my fiancé and she got mad and threw a fit saying ‘she just wanted to be a part of everything’.
My son was 9 pounds when he was born so he was on the chunkier side as a newborn. She made comments telling me, ‘Oh he might act like he’s hungry but he’s not, you shouldn’t feed him.’ As long as he was healthy, then I didn’t care what he looked like. We have lived in our own home for about a year now and she has only come to visit once and we only live 25 minutes from her.
She has never bought anything to keep in her house for our baby for when we did visit so we have to bring everything.
As a grandmother, I would expect her to have some things considering the fact she wanted to keep him sometimes. she says she doesn’t come to visit because ‘we moved way out here and our house is only 2 bedrooms so it’s too small for her to come to visit’???
She also doesn’t want us to come to her house because we’re too overprotective as parents and she just wants alone time with him. My fiancé and his mother haven’t spoken since Christmas because she won’t answer the phone since ‘we hurt her so badly for not letting her be a grandma.’ We have never stopped her from being a grandmother, she has chosen not to be in his life and I am not comfortable with leaving my son with her and he doesn’t even know her.
I’m a SAHM so I’m always the one taking care of him and she makes absolutely no effort for him to know her, as a parent you have so many responsibilities and I don’t think it’s my responsibility to make sure my MIL is in my son’s life.
Also, my fiancé’s mom and dad both drink all the time and we recently found out his dad was doing illegal stuff for however long and that was another reason why I told her I was not comfortable with her keeping my son.
So I just want to know, am I the jerk for not letting my MIL keep my 10-month-old son?”
Another User Comments:
“Your most important relationship is you and your son’s. Not you and your MIL, not you and your mother… Your son. You are charged with protecting him. I wouldn’t let my 22-year-old son go hang out where someone is doing some illegal stuff, never mind my 10mo.
You’re going to have to grow a very firm spine. If your spidey sense says no, then stick with it. It’s YOUR JOB. Forget about all the opinions everyone is going to give you on how to raise your kid.
NTJ.” impostershop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, trust your instincts.
If she was loving and kind, you would have the sort of relationship where this would be a non-issue.
Sounds like she has some kind of dysfunction that she is blaming on you… you don’t have to take that on yourself.” J********s
Another User Comments:
“This is the most NTJ case I’ve ever read. SHE wasn’t there and is blaming you for a choice SHE made. Your poor fiancé’s parents are so messed up, and they act so entitled. BTW, I hope your son is doing well.
Babies can be a hassle. Your fiancé seems like such a great person despite his parents, so major props to him.” FoxgloveTeaGG
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Doesn't Help Out Where She Can?
“I have a younger sister, 2 younger brothers, and an older brother. When I got married, my wife and I started having kids. I thought it would be great to have my family in the same city because they would be there to watch my kids grow up and if they had kids they would be close to their cousins and we would have lots of help.
My wife is an only child and her parents moved away when they retired so my sister and brothers are it. Out of them, I am the only one so far who has kids or is married. All of them live alone. I thought I would have help but while they ignore my kids they don’t help like I thought they would despite all 4 of them living alone and making a good living and having lots of spare time.
My wife and I would love it if my sister would offer to take my kids more or even babysit them here. Or to help with chores like cleaning or making or buying dinner. Even though my wife and I both have jobs between the cost of daycare, everything else it is lost. My sister has a disposable income and makes a good living but she never offers to help us.
When the schools and daycares were shut down and my wife and me tried to work from home with the kids at home, we could have used some help with babysitting on the days my sister was off but she never bothered to. Even after we did everything short of dropping our kids off at her house all she did was say things like ‘It must be hard right now’ or other meaningless platitudes.
She got mad when I told her she could stand to help sometimes instead of living in her own little bubble all the time and now she isn’t talking to me or my wife. Was I the jerk for telling it like it was? I always try to teach my kids that family helps each other and I would expect the same from my sister but she hasn’t been very helpful despite having the time and means to do so.
My wife and I have basically been left out in the cold and I just told my sister how I felt. I’m really upset at how unsupportive she has been.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… most definitely. It is absolutely nobody else’s job or responsibility to watch or help raise your children. You have no right to expect or assume your sister or anyone else should just jump in and help take care of your children.
Nobody forced you to have them. You chose to have them. You sound extremely entitled and spoiled. How dare you expect her to pitch into your household financially just because she is doing well??? It’s her money… not yours. Sounds like you are regretting your choice to have a family. Maybe you bit off more than you can chew. But regardless it is not your sister’s job to watch or pay for your kids!” Mystral377
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You chose to have kids. Your sibling didn’t. How are you helping your family right now? Why did you go to the younger sister and not your older brother? Four siblings, why just her? Don’t get me wrong, YWBTJ even if you went to your brothers. But, you’re also discriminatory. So, you don’t feel like spending your but your sister should?
Big entitled jerk living in his bubble in which his life comes first. What does the sister plan to do with her moolah? We don’t know, because her needs and wants are outside op’s entitled bubble, and therefore – don’t matter.” Inbar253
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for multiple reasons. First, you never once say you asked your sister to help just that she doesn’t. Do you just expect her to call you on her day off and ask to come over and clean your house?
You’re mad cause you assumed that just because she had free time that you are entitled to it, it has nothing to do with family not helping each other out. Second, you mention that you have brothers too, why aren’t you complaining that they don’t help? Why is your sister the only one expected to cook and clean and raise your children for you? Third, since you’re so good at teaching your kids that family helps each other out, please elaborate on how your actions demonstrate that.
How many times have you offered to help your sister on your day off? How many meals have you made for her or how many times have you cleaned her home?” Easy_Historian_3560
18. AITJ For Still Wanting To Work Because Our Baby Has A Runny Nose?
“Basically the wife (29F) and I (33M) have a one-year-old daughter. I was sick twice in the last week and now our daughter is sick. No, it’s not the flu. Just a basic cold with sneezing, coughing, and sore throat.
To add a bit more context, my wife works a cushy 32hr salary job where she gets to make her own schedule for the most part.
I am just a humble essential worker who works a full-time 40 and my schedule is at the whim of the company’s needs (the company is decent and fairly flexible).
Now, my position is a little important because I work a 3-12 am job where I am the closing manager on duty the majority of the time. Unfortunately, it’s a sucky position to call out of because there aren’t many others to do the job.
I do have sick time and a decent amount… but it’s a slippery slope since I only earn 1hr sick per 40hrs worked.
So, am I being the jerk for still wanting to work because our baby has a runny nose?
Edit: to clarify. This may be hard for some of you to believe, but I usually take care of the baby. I watch the baby from 8 am to 2 pm then I take her to my parents where they watch her till about 7-8 pm.
The wife puts the baby down to sleep at about 9ish. I’m working till 12 am and get home at 12:30 am followed by hopefully sleep at 1-1:30 am. I’m always the one to get up at 6 am with the baby to change the diaper. I get her up, feed her and make coffee for the wife. Rinse repeat.
I understand that there may be more underlying issues at hand, but that’s not what this is about.
The wife and I are always in constant communication whether we agree or not, but this is one thing that we have a hard time figuring out.
2nd edit: It is wrong of me to use ‘cushy’ to describe her job. She is also an ‘essential worker’ as well. Yes, that statement has come from underlying tones from me being irritated. I can recognize that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for saying your job is more important than your wife’s, that’s just ridiculous. And your child has two parents and the two of you need to have a plan for the care of your child when she gets sick because she’s going to get sick a lot before she’s old enough to stay home on her own.” Shaggymaggie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sounds like neither of you wants to take care of your sick child and try to push the responsibility on the other. You two are partners with a child who is relying on you both. Like just take turns. Think back at who took care of the baby last time they were sick. Or who had to take them to doctor’s appointments while the other worker.
If it’s her, then u should do it this time.
It does make sense that she should take the day off since you used two sick days already within a week, but maybe she felt like since you were sick, she had to handle everything and the baby on her own. Maybe she felt like she usually is the one going to doctor appointments and staying with the baby while you work.
Her job is not less important just because it’s cushy. This really is u guy’s issue and I don’t think it’s fair to be ur right and I’m wrong in the situation. Communicate better and come up with a plan on how to handle days off for the baby so no one feels as if they are the only one losing PTO while the other is just gaining.” xoxomissjenn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you talk about your wife & your respective jobs. Nothing about your job says it is ‘more important’ than your wife’s job. If she’s working 32 hours a week with a flexible schedule, she is probably handling more of the day-to-day care of your child already.” YMMV-But
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To "Look My Best" For My Wife?
“I’m 26/M and my wife is 24/F, we’ve been married for 2 years. (I know we’re young, we’re from a conservative/religious area.)
My wife is the kind of person who always has her hair and makeup done, and she matches her nail polish to her outfit every day. It takes her at least an hour to get ready in the morning and she does the full routine every day even if it’s just going to be the two of us at the house with no plans.
I have never asked her to do this, she’s just always been that kind of person since I met her. I do admit that I appreciate it, she always looks great.
I don’t dress like a slob or anything, but when I come home from work I like to put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt or a hoodie or whatever.
My wife recently told me that she doesn’t like this. She wants me to “put more effort into looking my best at home” instead of just at the office and wants me to stay dressed in the same button-down and slacks that I wear to the office for the rest of the evening.
I told her that didn’t sound comfortable for trying to relax at night, and she said that her outfits and hairstyles aren’t comfortable a lot of the time either but she wears them anyway to show respect for me and our home.
I told her that I don’t have any expectation that she does that and that I wouldn’t care if she just wanted to wear sweatpants or pajamas or whatever. She said it doesn’t matter if I personally have that expectation of her, but that it IS what’s expected by society and that if she has to do it then I should match to her level, again as a sign of respect.
I asked my sister (29/F) about this because she is who I usually go to for advice. She laughed and said that she never wears makeup around the house and doesn’t care if her husband sits around in his boxers on the weekend. I jokingly told her to tell my wife that, but my sister actually texted her to tell her. They’re friends so my wife didn’t get mad at my sister for saying it, but she’s mad at me for running to my sister to get someone to agree with me.
So AITJ for not wanting to dress up around the house, and was I wrong for asking my sister for advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, especially since you let her know that she doesn’t have to do so for you. It’s nice to dress up and look beautiful, but if it’s uncomfortable then there’s no need to do so all the time. That said, there are a lot of people who like looking nice all the time, and different people have different baselines for how they like to dress daily.
If the roles were reversed, and this was a man telling his wife to dress better daily, that would be a bit of a red flag though. Maybe consider couples therapy, because this might be about more than just clothes.” gallowsserket
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is right that society has unreasonable expectations of women when it comes to appearances, but society is not inside the privacy of your home.
That’s truly the one time NOBODY is around to pass judgment. Also, if she wants to talk about respect, appearances are the most trivial and superficial form of it. Being comfortable and having the ability to turn off in the privacy and safety of your own home is a much more significant indicator of respect.
I’m inclined to say no jerks here; your wife has internalized a lot of chauvinism that was probably exacerbated by the fact that you’re from a conservative area.
She has a lot of pressure on her and she hasn’t come to terms with letting go of it. You’re absolutely in the right to want to be comfortable at home, and the fact that you’re encouraging her to also feel that degree of comfort instead of feeling obligated to uphold unnecessarily and oftentimes even unreasonable standards with you is huge (and, again, far more respectful than keeping up a facade all the time).
You’re also NTJ for talking to your sister. We all have multiple relationships in our lives and need people we can talk to. You wanted another perspective as opposed to someone to gang up against your wife with.
I would recommend you continue to encourage your wife to let her guard down in the safety and privacy of your home. Tell her she’s beautiful when she hasn’t done all her routine.
And compliment things you love and respect about her that have nothing to do with appearance! Show her why you value her as a person so she feels appreciated for who she is and relies less on the messages she receives from society. Your opinion should outweigh society’s.” Objective-Ad5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It does seem, though, that your wife is indeed very traditional in a 1950s sort of way, and expects you to be the same.
I’d suggest setting and down and having a talk with her about what she sees the roles and expectations of the wife and a husband to be, how you see it, and where the two of you can compromise. Also, your sister is one thing, but how do her parents, your parents, and the older generation around you regard these roles and expectations? It might be weighing on her more heavily than you think.” Sunny_Hill_1
16. AITJ If My Boss Tells Me I'm Disrespectful?
“I’m autistic (not officially diagnosed) and have some sensory issues.
Recently I started a new job doing data entry, and my office is not sensory-friendly.
The sound I deal with the most at work is a high-pitched ringing sound that comes from electronic devices. Every device in a room is it a printer, laptop, computer, fire alarm, fan, or copier emits a high-pitched whining, ringing noise that I seem to be the only one who can hear.
It drives me absolutely up a wall and I can’t focus or do good work while being distracted by it. I asked my boss if I’d be allowed to wear headphones while I do my data entry to help combat this. He told me no.
Today I tried wearing my noise-reducing earplugs to work to see if that would help. Miraculously, I was much more productive and was able to do my work.
Partway through my day my boss approaches me and tells me to take off my headphones. I told him they weren’t headphones, just my noise-reducing earplugs. He told me to take them out. I asked him why. His response? ‘Because it’s disrespectful to not be able to hear someone when they’re trying to talk to you.’
To which I replied: ‘But I can hear you talking to me.
We’re having a conversation and I can hear you just fine.’
He simply said ‘Doesn’t matter. Take them out.’ Then he proceeded to speak very loudly to me for several minutes about being respectful in the workplace and how I need to ‘watch my attitude.’
I am baffled. I don’t know what to do to not be living in a sensory-friendly place while at work.
My boss is claiming I am being disrespectful when I try to relieve my issues.
I can’t ask for disability accommodation because my ASD isn’t an official diagnosis due to the fact that my therapist isn’t allowed to diagnose me in my state.
So I’m here to ask: is this true? Is this a sign of disrespect or is there a social cue I’m missing here?
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“To address your question regarding social queues, plenty of workplaces will frown on wearing headphones or earplugs while at work. However, if there’s a sensory issue, most workplaces will try and help you find a solution.
That means you will need to go to the doctor for at least an unofficial diagnosis. Until you have that, from the workplace POV you could be a troublemaker making up a noise (since nobody else can hear it) so you can zone out with your headphones on all day.
Somewhere between NTJ and ‘no jerks here’ – plenty of jerk bosses out there, but if headphones are frowned on here, you need to give them supporting info if you expect them to change before assuming they’re a jerk.” Ok_Two_8173
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need a diagnosis of autism. All you need for an Ada exception is for the therapist or doctor to write a letter saying you have a disability that requires this accommodation.
They are NOT allowed to ask what the disability is. They are also not allowed to deny it unless they can show that it is somehow unreasonable to the company. They won’t be able to do that.” Justanopinion24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; also, when you formally request an accommodation under the ADA, your employer is not allowed to ask for your diagnosis. You don’t have to have a formal diagnosis as long as your therapist will confirm that your requested accommodations are needed.” MiaouMiaou27
15. AITJ For Drinking Soda With My Whiskey?
“So my partner bought me a beautiful bottle of whisky for our anniversary. It cost around £70.
I have been waiting to open it for a special occasion so I opened it tonight as we both had a free evening! We both had a measure each in a small glass and it was really nice. Really smooth in comparison to a lot of whiskies I have had.
I had one drink so decided to pour some Diet Soda into it.
My partner feels insulted because he spent on this whisky for me and it is very expensive. He thinks he could have got me whisky for cheap to put with soda. I understand but I also feel that whisky and soda is a common drink and I will do drink it without, it is a genuinely lovely whisky.
I think I might be the jerk because I didn’t treat the whisky as an expensive one, however, I can see why people would drink a soda with it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
There are two sides to this one…
Firstly, there is the thought that when you give something as a gift, you give up any control over it.
Hopefully, the recipient will really enjoy it and get the full use out of it as you had intended, but occasionally it just won’t work out and a gift will go unappreciated or used inappropriately. So your partner has to accept that he perhaps aimed this gift a bit wrongly and the wasn’t put to best use.
Equally though, it is polite to try and consider the intention of a gift – and when it comes to a nice bottle of whiskey that would mean taking the time to savor it and (at least try to) appreciate why it is better regarded and more expensive.
To take a nice measure of whiskey and then top it off with soda will hide any of the subtleties and really waste the quality of the nice bottle when a far cheaper version will essentially taste the same.
Your partner should have expected it but is still allowed to be miffed at your use of the whiskey. Equally, you have the right to use it however you wish, but your choice was something of an insult to whiskey fans…” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“GIFT RULE #1: NEVER GIVE GIFTS WITH EXPECTATIONS
(For context, this is directed at a gift-giver)
It’s a gift. You gave it to congratulate them on something they’ve already done. They didn’t ask you to do anything. You just did anyway. So really it’s for you. At best, you’re even. But they don’t owe you anything. Not a card, not specific handling or any follow-through.
You gave them a gift, transactional over, it is now theirs and theirs alone and you can go home and forget you ever gave anything to them. If they do something to thank you, that’s awesome! But you shouldn’t expect it.
I love whisky and would never do what you did. But it was yours to do with as you pleased. You wanted Diet Soda in it and I’m glad that you did exactly what you wanted to do.
You probably enjoyed it more that way, which should be the point of a gift.
NTJ.” I_AM_HERE_TO_JUDGE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If you mixed it with Shasta or Safeway Select you would not be the jerk. It was yours to enjoy the way you like best.
The guy is the jerk for giving you trouble over it, but he would not be the jerk for choosing not to gift you such a thing again.” No-End3167
14. AITJ For Repairing An Abandoned Piece Of Equipment?
“I have roughly a decade of experience as a Powersports technician and really enjoy fixing anything that is broken.
The story – my business has leased a small warehouse/office space for the last 4 years. A couple of weeks ago I was up in the loft moving some things around when I noticed an old chainsaw mixed in with the junk leftover from what I assumed was a previous tenant.
Without giving it much thought, I brought the saw down the ladder and took it home to repair.
Yesterday one of the guys (Dave) who lives in the apartment building next door came by and I mentioned that I had found the chainsaw and gotten it back into usable shape. I asked if he knew who left the stuff up there and if they would want the saw back.
He said he didn’t know them but knew someone else who might. Dave goes and gets this other guy Tom who says he knows the guy that left everything there 8 or 9 years ago and would ask him if he wanted the saw or any of the other stuff. Great, I say, let me know and I’ll bring it down.
Jump to this morning, the guy who left his stuff there has gotten my phone number from Dave and is calling accusing me of stealing his saw and going through his stuff.
For information, we do not share the building with anyone and the only reason we never put all this stuff in a dumpster is because it isn’t in the way.
I tried to calmly explain that I was in no way trying to steal from anyone and that I was trying to give it to him if he wanted it but he was not having it.
I eventually got angry, hung up, and hauled butt down to the warehouse where he was waiting outside. I gave him the saw and we proceeded to argue some more. I said some not so nice things, including that he’s lucky we didn’t just throw all of his trash out when we moved in. (This included a lot more expletives.)
At this point, he tried to accuse me of theft some more, and finally, I just left.
I was quite sure that I wasn’t the jerk until I got home and started thinking that maybe I should have tried to find the guy before messing with the saw.
So AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“You’re leasing the space, is there any chance at all that this jerk has been paying to store things in the loft all these years? If he had a separate deal leasing that space for storage then he would have a point.
But I would also figure if he did then it would have been in your lease that the loft is not his space. If he’s not leasing the space then he abandoned his property. Considering you’ve been leasing the property for 4 years, he’s well outside of any expectation to be able to collect his property. It’s not his anymore. He abandoned it, and you WNBTJ for not hunting it down.
It’s been 8 or 9 years, clearly, he didn’t care about the stuff. Bet if you’d taken the trouble to track him down to tell him to get his crap out of your property he would have acted like he didn’t know what you were talking about.” CemeteryDweller7719
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The man abandoned the property 8 YEARS ago and now suddenly wants it back!?
By law, I believe it would have been considered yours years ago unless the guy also still held a lease or something on that part of the property and it was being used as paid for storage. Then that may be different.” Odd_Transition222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was abandoned and had been left in a building he hadn’t been renting for around 8+ years, he wouldn’t have known anything about it ever again if you hadn’t started asking folks if they knew who it belonged to.” Dragonr0se
13. AITJ For Not Helping A Stranger With Their Art Project?
“A little while ago I was finished with a run and I was walking home.
It was pretty dark out and I had my headphones on in a residential neighborhood. Suddenly a guy comes out of the alleyway and starts asking for help. I was immediately taken aback as I was just in the zone listening to a book. He asks me ‘for a picture for his art project’. I declined because I didn’t know if it was a setup or something and I’m just walking alone on a dark residential street.
I go to walk by him and he sorta starts to cut me off and tell me about how 10 people already rejected him. I crossed the road as he moved toward me and he said that ‘everyone in the city is a jerk, it’s just a picture’. I told him to get lost because I didn’t like him approaching me after that.
I definitely could have helped him out but I just froze up and suddenly wanted to be left alone.
Now I do feel like a jerk. I think his actions were pretty rude but I didn’t even consider helping him because I just thought it was weird and kinda creepy.
Was I unreasonable? Am I just another jerk not helping out a stranger who needs help with a simple task?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s less than a 1% chance that he was genuinely looking for models for legitimate art projects.
If he wants models for pictures then he needs to be set up somewhere public in the daylight where people can approach him to volunteer or he needs to pre-arrange details with volunteer models for night shoots. Just springing out of an alleyway to ambush people with a request is a good way to get punched, or worse.
Point is, your instincts were most likely spot-on and you don’t owe strangers anything so don’t feel bad about telling someone to get lost if they don’t respect your answer to their question.” braw_mince
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! That is super sketchy! Assuming that he actually did need a picture of a random stranger for an art project, popping out of an alley in the dark is not the means of getting it. Maybe, if he genuinely wants help, try a well-lit, populated area?? He was creepy. I know several people who would have maced him.” CemeteryDweller7719
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Our body knows when something is wrong. You were creeped out for a reason. Don’t let social moral obligation change how organically you felt.
Red flags are red flags. Stop trying to look at them like they’re yellow.” Forsaken-Knowledge12
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Send My Mother-In-Law Photos Of Me Pregnant?
“My mother-in-law had been asking for a couple of months but is obsessed with her weight. She constantly talks about how skinny she was her entire life and how big she got when she was pregnant but how she immediately dropped the weight or whatever diet shes’ doing and how little she eats.
In the 6 years I’ve known her, she’s brought it up on every single visit. I’m completely average (5’9, 145 lbs) and fine with the way I look, currently 5 months pregnant and loving my belly despite gaining 40 lbs already, the doctor says everything is great so why would I stress about it. Anyway, my husband asked me to send a photo because she keeps bringing it up and her response when she got the photo was ‘Wow I feel bad for her, I was big for my pregnancy too, hang in there!’ To which I replied, I feel great and love how I look right now.
It just feels like she’s projecting her weird stuff on me and I can’t stand it. I don’t plan on giving her any more updates about my pregnancy, but my husband thinks I’m overreacting. He’s also incapable of standing up to his parents.
I don’t know if I’m being extra sensitive or what because of the hormones, I feel like this normally wouldn’t make me cry, but I’m having trouble determining if I’m overreacting or if this was actually rude.
It also didn’t help that I got a birthday card in the mail today from her with their last name despite them knowing that I didn’t take my husband’s last name.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. Updating her on the health of the pregnancy ≠ and updating her on your body. She has absolutely no right or reason to scrutinize, comment on, or be kept in the loop about your changing body.
That’s weird. It is normal to update family members about pregnancy milestones (3-month ultrasound, finding out the baby’s gender, or even just a ‘hanging in there, morning sickness is awful’) but the bottom line is you and your husband get to make the decisions about what information you share, and what you don’t.
No family member or in-law has a right to that information. Some people like to keep their pregnancies private, and some people choose to share ultrasound pics on social media.
It is entirely up to you. And it also means that you get to tell nosey family members to back off (although I’d argue that since it’s your husband’s mom, he should be stepping up to set that boundary). Clearly, your MIL has body issues of her own, and it sounds like she’s extremely weight-conscious and has allowed it to take over her life to an extent.
That’s sad for her, but that does not mean her passive-aggressive comments and scrutiny need to be tolerated.
I think first though, you need to talk to your husband. As long as he’s giving in to MIL and refusing to stand up to her, he’s falling down on the job of supporting and protecting you and his future child. This is not going to end when the pregnancy does.
There will only be more opportunities once the baby comes for MIL to insert herself into your business and comment on your body, your parenting choices, and possibly even your child’s body as they grow. The boundaries need to be set now, and you and your husband need to be able to put up a united front in terms of dealing with your MIL’s behavior.
And maybe use this as an opportunity for counseling to get on the same page about privacy, boundaries, etc. before you start parenting together.” sarahh15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your husband need to do some serious thinking about where his priorities lie, and what type of behavior he is willing to subject you to. His mother is being extremely inappropriate and rude, you are definitely not overreacting.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it may not normally make you cry, but it would still make you feel/think the behavior of MIL was off. You don’t need to share anything and even if you were overreacting, which you’re not, your husband should zip it (unless he’s saying something to his mum.)
Enjoy your pregnancy and your amazing body!!” luna_donna
11. AITJ For Going Above My Boss And Talking To My Regional Manager?
“I have worked with my current boss for about 6 months now. We have hung out a few times outside of work, but nothing in the last 3 months. We got along well, but he (my boss) is very controlling. I have to be near my phone 24/7 because if I don’t answer his calls I will be written up.
I have to do all the paperwork, customer service and ordering supplies. My boss is just there for his check while sitting in the office.
I have never complained about all of the extra work, phone calls, or even mandatory overtime which is unpaid. Two weeks ago my boss decided to buy a new car. He needed 8,000 dollars to buy said vehicle. The problem is my boss and his partner could only pull out so much moolah at one time from their bank.
My boss then had the great idea to just take the moolah from the safe at work.
My boss took 1,500 dollars from the safe and then said he would put it back the next day. The next day came and went, and then the next. After two days I requested to speak to my district manager. My district manager brushed me off without even hearing what I need to say.
So I went to my regional manager. By the time I contacted my regional manager a week had already passed by and the amount was never replaced. The same day I called the regional, he put the back later that day closer to closing time after I went home.
When speaking with my regional manager I told him he put the back the day before, but I still want them to check in occasionally to make sure our deposits match what we have in the safe.
Now my boss is claiming I am a jerk and could have got him fired. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your boss did was stupid and illegal; if he gets fired he has no one to blame but himself. Also forcing employees to work unpaid mandatory overtime and be on call 24/7 = 100% jerk.” ScreamInHeart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your boss should be fired, and both the regional and district managers should be fired too.
You should go to the president/CEO and tell them everything.” moondoggie1960
Another User Comments:
“Depending on where you are, ‘borrowing’ could be a felony charge of grand larceny, so you aren’t, in any way, the jerk. Not reporting it could have had serious criminal charges for you as an accomplice, depending on the vigor of the prosecution. If you’d stayed silent, your jerk boss could claim to be ‘shocked’ at ‘your’ theft. So, NTJ.” vortexofchaos
10. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Partner For Stepping On My Backpack In My Car?
“I drove to a restaurant to meet my partner for a date. I did and we had a nice time. They walked to the place so when we were done, we went to my car to drive home. It was light outside.
I had my backpack on the floor of the front passenger seat so that it wouldn’t be so visible from the car window while we were in the restaurant.
My backpack is not very large and there was plenty of room for both their feet and my bag.
When we get home, I see that they have stepped all over my bag and got dirt on it. I was upset by this. I feel that they were disrespectful of my things, and they could have not stepped on them, moved them, or asked me to move them.
IMO it’s a basic courtesy and not something I should have to explain. If I was getting in someone else’s car I would not just step on their things.
They saw it but thought it was fine to step on it I guess? They say it was my bag so it was my responsibility to move it. AITJ for wanting them to be accountable?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s your backpack, you knew it was there, you should have moved it before they got in. Common courtesy to clear the seat (and floor) for others in your car. I assume this was a dinner date so it was probably dark when they got in the car and they probably didn’t realize it was there till after they accidentally stepped on it.
Also, this is a pretty minor thing to be so upset about that you made an AITJ post. Maybe think about if it’s really this one action that you are so mad about or if maybe there’s a deeper pattern of not communicating or feeling like you or your stuff is disrespected, and have a conversation with your partner about it.” penguivini1234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your partner stepped on the bag accidentally and then went ‘oh my gosh! I didn’t see your bag!’ then yeah that’s your fault and nah, accidents happen, but to just be like, ‘Yeah I saw it but I figured it was your responsibility so I just stepped on it without caring’ seems like jerk behavior from a partner. And I do not at all understand the people who think you’re a jerk for tossing your bag in the car before date without having a flawlessly maximized master strategy, or for not double-checking that the passenger seat was spotlessly clean for someone you know well enough to consider your partner.
The question is ‘Am I the Jerk?’ not ‘Am I Flawlessly Perfect in Every Way?'” ScreamInHeart
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, it was your responsibility to move the bag before they stepped on it or at the very least let them it was there. It was their responsibility upon receiving the knowledge of or seeing the bag being there to do their very best to avoid stepping on it.” the_bad_dragontattoo
9. AITJ For Letting My Kids Continue To Play Loudly Outside After A Neighbor Got Mad?
“So my (37F) kids (5m & 3f) were playing outside today for the first time in months. We live in the Pacific Northwest and most of the year is wet and/or cold, so they were really excited to play outside while it was nice-ish today. Now for a little bit of backstory, I’m That Mom™. I expect not only my kids, but the neighbor kids they’re playing with, to be respectful of others’ patios and to pick up after themselves on the commons.
So my kids weren’t in anyone’s space. They were just running around the grass and between trees pretending a troll was chasing them and I hadn’t thought to tell them to keep it down because it was 130pm and outside.
This neighbor is on the second floor and lets her 2 small, reactive dogs out on her balcony. For the first maybe 20 minutes or so her dogs are just freaking out at my kids.
I didn’t think much of it when they got quiet. Then my kids asked me, ‘Mom, what’s that music?’ I shrugged it off, ‘Probably one of the neighbors playing something.’ I guess I missed the hint because for the next 15 minutes the music progressively was turned louder and louder, with occasional pauses mid-track to ostensibly ‘listen’ for my kiddos, before it’d be turned louder.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. My kids were getting upset that someone was mad at them after hearing her yell ‘would you shut up’ out her window. So I called the rental office and spoke to our property manager… who lives on-site… and also happens to have 2 littles… and asked her if there was a sound limit I was unaware of during the day and that one of the tenants seemed to be annoyed about my kids playing outside.
She was absolutely baffled and asked me if they were going on anyone else’s patios. I replied, no, I’m very strict about that. She said then there’s no problem and she’ll look into it.
AITJ for not telling my kids to quiet down AND calling the office about the neighbor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children need open space to play. She has reactive dogs who probably get agitated so she plays music to try to keep them from hearing the kids.
But to yell at children like that is unacceptable. I would ask her if they like children because if they do they’d calm down if she brought them down to see the kids. Obviously not if they don’t like children. Mine loves kids and will bark until she can be with them. Unless your child is screaming constantly then there’s nothing you need to correct.” Ignominious333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on either count. Kids can play outside at 1:30 in the freaking afternoon. And this neighbor needs to be managed one way or the other. Good on you for calling the property manager rather than taking matters into your own hands.” Publius246
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor was being /extremely/ passive-aggressive, even for the pacific northwest… She did not clearly communicate that the noise was bothering her, and to boot it doesn’t seem like you were breaking any community rules.” rueful_pokemon
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister After She Threw Out My Papers?
“My little sister is 6, and understandably, really likes helping her big sis out. I appreciate it, but I have ADHD and like my stuff where I know I put them.
Also due to my ADHD, my bookbag is a mess. There are papers everywhere, and I have a hard time finding stuff. But I know it’s in there, so I don’t flip out about it. Recently, my little sister decided she would do her big sister a favor by clearing out my bag. I would have been fine with this, except she didn’t consult me first and threw away everything.
Including work that needed to be turned in, essays, etc. I was livid. I care about my grades a lot, and this had only made the kettle whistle because of the already bad day I was having. I yelled at her, and she yelled back. Classic sibling feuding. Mom tells me I overacted big time, but my little sister also got her share of punishment.
I feel bad because she is young, but asking before doing is something both me and my mom have been working on with her. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She wanted to help and didn’t understand the consequences for you. You were understandably upset because of the ramifications for your grades. It was a bad day and it otherwise sounds like you two have a great relationship.” FloridaPoodleSchool
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She loves you and she wanted to help and she’s 6. Those are all really, really wonderful things, even if it does sometimes lead to Amelia Bedelia-style consequences.
She’ll gain impulse control and situational awareness to know what’s appropriate and what’s not. In the meantime, maybe keep your backpack in a place where she can’t get to it? Do you have a lock for your bedroom?
That might help give you some boundaries while living with a much younger sibling.” personofpaper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tho tbh I’d suggest talking with her. And apologizing for yelling. Explain why you did, and how it made you feel. Mention you know she was just trying to help and you appreciate that, but everyone herself included has a right to boundaries and others respecting them.” Distinct-Practice131
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You already know yelling at her wasn’t the best choice.
However, your sister needs to learn to not go through people’s stuff, even if she thinks she’s helping because it could be something important that she throws out, as she did this time.
She’s old enough for you to sit down and talk to her about why you were so upset.
Apologize for yelling and explain what her help caused that wasn’t good.” TibbleTabbs1114
7. AITJ For Being Upset About The Knife My Husband Brought Me To Open A Toy?
“My husband (37m) is the worker in our family. We decided together that I would be a SAHM (26f), and so I often try to limit asking him to do anything at home so he can actually rest, which is difficult with 2 toddlers.
Anyway, my back was injured from an epidural. Sometimes the pain flares up as bad as it was that day.
It’s been a massive inconvenience for me. I had sat down to open the toy for our 3 yo (who was right beside me) and realized I forgot to grab anything to cut the thing open… Brain fog from pain and ADHD don’t mix well. So I called out to my husband and asked him to grab a knife or scissors for me to open it.
Now, we have like 4 pairs of scissors, but those often go missing. We have a knife block, along with a couple of other knives we keep with the other utensils. I don’t often have all the dishes clean, but the day before I had done literally all the dishes. All the knives were clean. And the knife block is on top of our slightly shorter than average fridge… I’m 5 ft 2 and can see them fine, and he’s 5 ft 10… and obviously has used the knives before.
He walks in with the BIGGEST KNIFE WE HAVE which is also the only one that is serrated. I heaved a sigh, he asked what was wrong and I was like ‘Why didn’t you grab a small knife?’ And he went on a rant about how ungrateful I was and how he shouldn’t have expected better from me. And I butt in with ‘Do you REALLY think the best course of action when opening a toy for an excited toddler is to grab the biggest knife?
The paring knife is clean and in its spot on the block. Even one of the SIX dinner/steak knives would have been better!’ And he just went on about how I should have been glad he grabbed it at all.
I don’t get it? He’s usually the one super crazy one about protecting the kids. I even pointed out that he would be mad at me if I did the same and his response was ‘I’m not too lazy to get off the floor and get one myself!’
But again, he’s the only one working, he had just run a few errands and even signed up for college. Maybe I was being too hard on him when he was tuckered out…
AITJ?
ETA: our toddler was literally crawling on me begging for the toy to be opened, and has a tendency to get way too close when toys are being opened.
Edit 2: for those who have never had bad nerve damage in your back, it affects grip strength.
Bigger knives are heavier than smaller knives. He knew this about my pain and brought me the big knife anyway.
Also, I feel there’s some bias as a lot of people are saying I started the argument. I didn’t. I sighed in frustration, he asked why, and I asked about a smaller knife. I was calm. I wasn’t mad or angry. I didn’t say it with an attitude.
He blew up at me after that.
Edit 3: My sigh didn’t start the argument. He sighs like that toward me often and it doesn’t spark an argument. I ask him what’s wrong, and try to help fix it. Not hurl insults for him not being happy about me helping him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously. You shouldn’t have to be grateful your partner is helping you take care of his own kids and he’s deliberately being incompetent so you won’t ask for help again.
On a more heavy note, there are a LOT of red flags in your story. You have a very large age gap, a spouse who doesn’t help you so he can ‘rest’ (when do you get to rest?), no income of your own or financial independence, and he demands you should be grateful for the bare minimum and then puts you down in front of your kids (he shouldn’t have expected better from you?
Really??).
Do you have family or friends you can reach out to for some support? People who don’t want to see you treated poorly? I would seriously be reevaluating your relationship, tbh. Not ‘just because of this’ or whatever, but because it seems clear there’s a lot going on behind the scenes and you aren’t treated with dignity and love.” rofax
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I was ‘no jerks here’ up until this:
I should have been glad he grabbed it at all. and I’m not too lazy to get off the floor and get one myself!
Behaving as if he has done intense labor for you, that he 100% should have said no to because it was such a pain… for grabbing an item from the next room is weird on its own. It’s pretty standard to grab things for my spouse or kids and vice versa.
Sometimes we unintentionally grab a version of the thing that’s not ideal and get told that isn’t what was needed – I have never seen anyone act as though the person asking should be grateful that we took 3 seconds of their time to do something small and helpful.
BUT THEN when he called you lazy knowing full well that you were in the midst of a painful flare-up of a condition that is from an injury from birthing one of his children that is a hard pass.
NTJ, you asked for something and expected a useful and reasonable tool for the job you were trying to do and he gave you something that was not useful or reasonable. It isn’t as if you threw a fit because he brought you a paring knife with a red handle instead of a blue one. It is weird that he was so offended when you pointed out that wasn’t a good tool for the job.
I’m sure he’s overwhelmed or stressed with applying to college and working a lot, but it’s not okay for him to treat you poorly because of it.
PS: he’s not the only one that works, he’s just the only one who is getting paid.” OutlandishnessNo9868
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The red flags are a-waving though. You decided together that you would be a stay-at-home mom.
You got pregnant quite young, and presumably, you were with him for some time before marriage and kids. Maybe you were what, 21 at the oldest when this grown-ass 32-year-old decided he wanted a child bride? And now you are at home, you feel bad about asking him to do even the smallest thing because ‘he’s the one who is working’ like doing 100% (it’s close to that, isn’t it) of the child-rearing, cooking and cleaning and homemaking while still in pain from bearing his children isn’t WORK, and work that is 24/7 and not a cozy 40 hours a week with other adults and social life.
And he has the nerve to hand you a ridiculously large knife and then make you feel like you’re doing something wrong by not thanking him for making the barest effort and endangering the kids?
NTJ. But more importantly, I am worried for you and this relationship where he is very much in control in all aspects and deliberately sought out a much younger woman and now has you thinking you could in any way be wrong about asking for literally any other knife.
And he says he shouldn’t have expected better from you?! He has so you beaten down and doesn’t like even the slightest hint that he’s made a mistake.
Girl, talk to some friends. Tell them the things he says, the words he uses. It’s not right.” LivSaJo
6. AITJ For Not Allowing Family To Come Over Earlier Than Planned?
“My in-laws are planning to come to stay at our house for a couple of days and they’re driving 20 hours to see us (not comfortable flying at the moment).
We have planned for this for two months, and we agreed for them to come from Sunday night to Thursday morning.
We originally asked them a month ago to please not come until Sunday around 7:30 or 8, as I’m two weeks out from defending my dissertation and I’m working full time. Life is really really busy right now, and I don’t want to have to worry about being a rude host if they show up and I still need to work.
I currently have spent nearly 12 hours a day on the weekends preparing for my defense. On top of that, my friend asked me last minute to be at her wedding next weekend, so we asked them to please leave Thursday morning by 10 am because I have work meetings and then will be busy with wedding stuff all weekend. They seemed fine with this a month ago when we talked about it.
Well, they’re supposed to arrive today, but my husband called them yesterday and they said they would be at our house right around dinner time (6 pm). DH reminded them that we really were wanting them to come around 8 because we have an HOA meeting today, we need to clean and get groceries, and I’ll be busy until at least 8 pm but would be willing to shut off my work when they arrive and resume upon them going to bed.
They freaked out. They said they don’t feel welcome at our house and that we’re making them out to be an imposition. They also said that we’re trying to bookend them into our lives, which I guess I can see but we also have lives outside of them and we do have plans before and after they leave. After yelling at husband, they said they would stay with a friend and MAYBE come Monday morning instead to make our lives easier.
Idk what to do. My husband is on spring break from medical school, so he technically could entertain them earlier, but I know I could really use the extra time before they arrive. We also would like them to stick to our boundaries, but maybe we are choosing a poor hill to die on.
Am I (are we) the jerk(s)?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I honestly feel that you’re all just caught in the moment.
You and your SO are obviously busy, that’s not being questioned. Sounds like you’re both working hard, and every minute you can take to work on this is valuable to you.
From their perspective though, they’re family and they’ve probably looked forward to seeing you and possibly felt 2 hours might have been minimal disruption.
To be honest, 2 hours early when you’re traveling the distance they have, arriving earlier than planned may have been unavoidable. While it’s probably not convenient for you, they possibly feel that you could have easily welcomed them into your home. Heck, they might have been able to use 2 hours to themselves to get themselves in order as you worked.
Think everyone needs a little breather here.” Jamez28923
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 1. These people are your family. 2. They live 20 hours away so I’m guessing you don’t see them often. 3. Your husband is off the entire week and both weekends. 4. You’ve known about them coming for two months but your friend telling you last minute about a wedding seemed to take precedence. 5. An extra hour or two early is the hill you’re trying to die on and it really is a poor one.
You’re trying to fit them into neat timeliness when they just want to visit with you. I would have canceled the entire trip and gone where I’m actually wanted.” 12blackroses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kind of people who freak out about people enforcing previously agreed-upon boundaries are the kind of people you can’t give an inch to or they’ll take a mile. In your in-laws’ position, my attitude would be, ‘I know you’re busy and I’m so grateful that you have carved out this time for us; I know how much work it is to host.’ Theirs seem to be ‘how dare you not make us your #1 priority at all times.’ And they yelled at your husband?!
If he’d told them the trip is canceled and they can come back when they’re ready to be respectful, I would still say NTJ, honestly. Do die on this hill; if you let them violate the agreement and have their way, they will be even worse next time.” ScreamInHeart
Another User Comments:
“Not sure I can give a judgment because they have a point that after 20 hours arriving at 6 allows them time to shower, decompress after hello and then you start at 8.
Arriving at 8 is pretty much straight in and stressful. But you are slammed with legit demands…
But did you seriously tell your MIL you were prioritizing an HOA meeting over their trip? I am neither American nor married and judging by Reddit’s reaction to both topics that is like declaring a decades-long grudge to prefer the HOA out loud. It reads straight-up hostile and I say that as a petty passive-aggressive jerk myself at times…
You clearly have some issues with them which don’t sound totally unplaced but also you sound like you are brattily let it out by the time management microaggressions. You couldn’t one go to the meeting or ask them to email info, while one got groceries or you booked a delivery or curbside and then ordered take out or suggested they all do dinner and then head back?
I get when frazzled simple stuff doesn’t occur to us but it sounds pointed when two whip-smart young adults are handling time so badly it can read like weaponized incompetence to insult or punish house guests.
I don’t know if it is a hill to die on but now everyone has the hump which took more time and energy than trying to triage a situation.
Which your doctor husband whose parents it is can presumably do?
I sort of think ‘everyone sucks here’ but also ‘no jerks here’. All of you are tired, hungry, hyped, assuming, and possibly in the toddler level ‘too tired to nap’ stalemate for good reasons. I guess the verdict depends on the next reaction because the field is open here to go any which way…” IFeelMoiGerbil
5. AITJ For Not Serving My Husband Lunch?
“I cook all the meals, usually 4-5 times a week. I usually am the one who serves the food as well, lunch and dinner and sometimes breakfast, since we both are WFH. My husband does serve food when I’m busy or sick. I’d say it’s about 10% of the time. I expressed multiple times over the course of a few months that I want him to help me set the table, make tea, etc., and not just to come and sit down while I’m setting the table.
He gets defensive when I try to address the issue.
Today I wasn’t hungry so I told him not to wait up and microwave and eat lunch by himself while I’ll be working. He came and asked me to heat it for him, I said he can do it himself, I’m working, which he then did. I ate later in the day.
Later he came and said it was time for dinner. Since I wasn’t hungry for dinner, I said I’ll just have some tea and sat down like he usually does. He prepared a plate and tea for himself and sat down. I asked him if he would make a tea for me as well, to which he replied ‘you can do it yourself’.
Am I in the wrong here? Should I have served him lunch today? Did I bring this attitude on myself since I refused to serve him lunch today?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being childish and you shouldn’t respond to that. Time for him to learn to be an adult and take care of himself. I promise you there are men out there who’d serve you lunch and dinner without even asking.
Your husband should consider that before he ends up living alone, microwaving a TV dinner for every meal.” VixNeko
Another User Comments:
“Ok. This is a very thin slice of life we’re getting here. Is it possible you have a division of duties in which you do all of one thing (cooking) and he does all of another (say, yard work or car work or ?)?
It seems at first glance that he is expecting you to do all cooking and serving it to him. But is it possible that you expect him to do all of the other types of tasks?
Lastly, even if this is the case, everyone needs a break sometimes. This would be a good opportunity to have a real conversation and tell him you don’t want to do it sometimes.
You were both not nice and passive-aggressive with each other.
No jerks here.” philstwin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did create his attitude but he is in the wrong because he is a grown man. He should be able to do it for himself and you. You were busy and he should have offered to do your lunch for you. That’s being a couple.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe do this more so it sinks into his head that it should be both of you cooking and cleaning and everything in between” Lil-peanutbutter
4. AITJ For Continuing A 14-Year Fight With My Husband Over Garbage Cans?
“My husband (44m) and I (43f) have been together for 20 years and homeowners for 14.
My husband insists on keeping our two trash cans in our driveway, right outside our garage for all the neighbors to see. I would like to keep them inside the garage instead.
Here is his only given reason for insisting that the garbage cans remain outside in front of our garage:
Garbage cans inside the garage stink.
Here are the reasons why I want the garbage cans in the garage:
When the cans are outside, usually no one in our family of 5 wants/bothers to open the garage door to walk trash bags out there. Personally, I don’t do it often because one, you have to be adequately dressed to run into your neighbors, and two, you may be captured in unwanted conversation with neighbors while you’re out there. Therefore, we pile bags of garbage (5-6 bags, plus boxes per week) into the center of the garage floor until trash day when we put it into cans and take it to the curb.
Our garage floor literally looks like a trash dump most of the time! When I do open the garage, my neighbors see my trash dump and I feel humiliated and embarrassed. I want to tell them that I would never want to live this way, but I am being forced. He doesn’t care about my embarrassment.
I’d like to park my car in the garage, but the open spot is used as the dump.
If we had the trash cans, they’d use up less space and I’d have room for my car. He says he doesn’t care about parking cars in the garage. I point out that most of our neighbors park in their garage. He doesn’t care. I told him that when it’s cold or rainy, parking in the garage is a big help to me. He said it’s not a big deal to park outside.
I think trash cans in full view of the neighborhood are ugly and rude to neighbors. They don’t keep their garage cans in full view! Everyone else hides their cans or keeps them in the garage. He says he doesn’t care what the neighbors think or want.
I don’t notice any smell from the cans when they are inside. He usually replies that the smell happens when you open the lid to insert bags.
I said that smell is fleeting. He said it isn’t. I say it’s not like he spends any time in the garage. Only when he’s mowing, in which case the door is open. He says he doesn’t care.
Trash bags full of dog poop and diapers on the garage floor is a worse smell than garbage cans that only stink when lids open! He says the cans are worse.
Piles of trash bags attract rodents and bugs. He says they do not and even if they do, he doesn’t care.
Every time I bring this topic up, it ends the same way. He says cans will remain outside in front of the garage and that’s the end of the discussion. However, I will not let it go. Sometimes I’m passive-aggressive and bring the cans inside the garage every day (he removes them every day in response).
Sometimes I try to reason and sometimes I yell at him. Today I sent him a nasty text with pictures of the garbage dump. None of it works. AITJ for continuing to fight about this for 14 years?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Just silliness. Surely y’all could come up with a compromise for the trash after 14 years? Geez, Louise. Let’s fix it right now!!
Trash cans stay outside. Your neighbors do not give a HOOT about seeing your trash cans or what you wear when you take the trash out. I assure you. If it bothers you, take the trash out at night so you won’t be seen. Then your garage is free and odorless and you can park in it. Do you have a backyard the trash can could be in that would resolve literally all of this?
The more I type, the more I wonder if this is a joke lol” Anxious_Bookworm
Another User Comments:
“You are the major jerk here. You’re embarrassed by the trash pile up in your garage, that YOU allow happening because your to lazy to take the trash to the can because they aren’t in the garage. You worry what the neighbors think about your trash cans outside but are ok with piling up trash bags all over.
You want to use the garage to park your car in but won’t stop piling up trash bags so you can. Lady grows up and be an adult, push a button open the door walk to the trash can, and throw away your trash.” Asleep_Ad4492
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The trash belongs in the cans. Either he takes the trash out to the cans and the cans stay outside, or you bring the cans into the garage and put the trash in the cans.
It’s completely unacceptable to leave them outside the cans in your garage. It’s a health hazard.
If he really thinks that the can smell is worse than the actual garbage piling up in your garage, maybe you need to buy new cans.
Whatever solution you choose, you have a right to use that garage to park, it’s your house too.” better_IRL_I_swear
3. AITJ For Possibly Getting My Friend Fired?
“My (16f) stepmom Nicole (45f) is a higher-up at Starbucks with a lot of power in the company. She is great at her job, but often very cutthroat and a ‘by the books’ kind of woman.
My friend Jenny (18f), has worked at a Starbucks location in my town for maybe 6 months. Nicole gets a discount of 30% whenever she orders Starbucks, so she has told me that if I happen to be getting a drink that I should text her and she would preorder for me and I would get a free drink. I am so grateful for this and I’ve asked her a handful of times to preorder for me.
About 3 weeks ago, I was walking to school and decided to stop at Starbucks before class. I texted Nicole and asked her to preorder for me, waited a few minutes, but no answer. Thinking she was just busy, I walked in to order for myself. I had forgotten it was the location that Jenny worked at, so I walked in and was just chatting with her before I ordered. Then, she offered that she could use her discount code for me so that I could get a free drink (Starbucks employees get one free drink per shift).
I gladly accepted and was super grateful. I watched as she asked her manager if that was okay, and she said it was fine. So she rung me up (the drink was like 6$), thanked her, and left.
2 days later, when I still hadn’t received a reply from Nicole, she texts me something along the lines of; ‘I’m so sorry, I was driving when you texted me and I forgot to reply, let me know next time and I will preorder for you.’ And I said it was no worries, that I had gone to Jenny’s store and she had gotten me a free drink anyway so it all worked out.
She had known Jenny worked at that location and we talked about it frequently.
Then yesterday, I get a text from Jenny asking if I had told Nicole that she got me a free drink. I said yes. She then said that she’s in a lot of trouble at work and that Starbucks considers sharing your discount code as theft, that she now has to have a meeting with some higher-ups, and that she could potentially get fired. She also said that since I am Nicole’s ‘daughter’ it’s a conflict of interest and that it makes her look even worse.
I felt so guilty and was profusely apologizing, saying that I hadn’t even thought about it and that I just said it in passing. I didn’t think it was against the rules because I had seen her ask her manager for permission and she said it was fine. She kept saying that she can’t lose her job as she has to pay all of her bills and that she’s basically screwed if she gets fired. I asked her if she knew that Starbucks considers this theft, and she said she knew it wasn’t supposed to be done, but she didn’t think it would escalate this much.
She also told me that if Nicole knew that Jenny was telling me all of this, she could get in even more trouble. So I can’t tell Nicole, and I don’t know what to do.
I am kind of upset that Nicole ratted on Jenny, but at the same time, I’m not surprised. Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – companies get weird. But stepmom could have told you to tell your friend that it’s not allowed. Trashy thing to elevate it as high as she did.
Could have just been made right and moved on with life.” 4cougs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lesson learned not to share any Starbucks-related talk with your stepmom. If your friend is fired, she can’t get in worse trouble by you if you confront your stepmom. She basically broke your trust when she used your info to report on your friend.
Also, how is it wrong for your friend to give you her one free drink per day, but it is okay for your stepmom to use her 30% employee discount and give the drink to you?” Spa-Monkeys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t your fault because you didn’t know. I also think Nicole is way out of line here because Jenny actually got permission to do this.
On the upside, if this is in the US, there are a million jobs out there right now so if the worst happens, she will be unemployed for five minutes.” SimplySam4210
2. AITJ For Telling My Son Not To Cry?
“My son is 8 years old and is recently starting to go around the neighborhood more and have fun with his friends. We live in a pretty peaceful and friendly suburb so I let him play around the neighborhood with his friends, within a certain boundary that all the boys’ parents enforce. They generally like to bike around the neighborhood or play football at a nearby park.
They are constantly running around, racing each other on foot or bike, making small scrapes and bruises quite common.
Yesterday my son was just leaving the house on his bike when he fell in the middle of the road and scraped his knee. I saw the whole thing from the window and saw him start to cry in the middle of the road, making no attempt to move away.
I rushed out and told him to stand up and walk to the side of the road, which he did, and then picked up his bike and wheeled it to where he was sitting. I saw his wound, which was a very light scrape, and went inside to get some water and a bandaid. At this point, he was still crying, so I gave him a tissue and told him to stop.
I told him that crying when injured helps nobody, especially not you. When you are injured in any situation, you need to assess the situation you are in and respond accordingly. I showed him some basic first aid on how to use the bandaid, making him do it himself for the first time. He stopped crying pretty soon after and got on his bike and left since it was a very minor wound.
When I got back inside, my wife asked why I didn’t put the bandaid on and I told her what happened. She got mad at me, claiming that I was teaching him toxic masculinity and not to cry, and she didn’t want to raise our son like that.
The thing is, I am not telling him to never cry, but only to avoid crying when physically hurt or injured. Crying when in a precarious situation is an easy way to further injure yourself.
As he gets slowly more independent, he needs to be able to assess the dangers around him and take care of himself when I am not there for him. Crying for light pain is something that most people grow out of, but what I am really trying to teach him is that you must always be alert and ready, not crying and unaware.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-
This kid was lying on the road and upset… And so you help him. You’re great at that point… Every other part of this was so great. Care, attention, fostering independence nurturing all of the doing was right… The talking was the weird part.
He’s crying afterward… While safe and being cared for and you tell him that he ‘must always be aware and alert’… That’s absolutely not a thing.
Humans are never always aware as alert’. You sleep. You’re not awake and alert… does that mean you’re in danger?
Crying doesn’t generally endanger people. This is a little kid. Chill out with the hypervigilance.
Crying absolutely helps when injured. It can alleviate stress to the injured person and often is an involuntary sign of distress. Crying when injured is how people know to rescue people in danger.
Crying out for help and crying tell other people something is wrong or distress is occurring. Crying is a non-verbal communication tool that is valuable to humans.
Also ‘stop crying’ doesn’t make people stop crying. You’re not the boss of eye ducts and no one’s eye ducts are gonna listen to you. The only thing you did was pretend you can control other people’s bodies and preach inhuman levels of hypervigilant behavior to a mildly injured child who would have chilled out in five seconds without your lecture.
How often did you tell him as a baby not to cry cause he needed to be aware and alert or he was going to put himself in further danger? That’s how silly you sound right now.
Now your kid knows if he’s hurt he can’t cry around you. Smart call. Good luck with the lesson you just taught him.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your phrasing, but not the basic idea.
Teaching your kid to make sure they are safely out of danger (if possible), especially after an injury is important, and him sitting on the road makes it clear that he is used to someone coming to save him. Knowing that getting up and moving to the sidewalk, and hopefully moving his bike too, is basic safety.
That said, your phrasing, especially telling him not to cry, is not good.
He can cry, but while he does it, he should get his butt (and bike) somewhere safer to do so. Also, I really hope your explanation was in more kid-appropriate language than you used in your post. Telling an 8 yo to assess the situation and respond accordingly is meaningless to them. Telling him that sitting in the road because he got hurt isn’t safe and a car may come along and not see him will make a lot more sense at that age.” Suspicious_Ad9810
Another User Comments:
“Very light YTJ.
It’s understandable that you want him to learn and understand how to do a little self-check and wound care when he gets hurt, but you also shouldn’t say things like ‘crying helps nobody.’ Especially because medically speaking, that’s inaccurate. Crying releases endorphins in the brain that help us to calm down and feel better overall. It’s GOOD for you to cry if you need to.
So yes, teach your son some basic first aid. Show him how to dress his minor injuries. But there’s no need to tell anyone not to cry.” Munchkin737
enough that injuries caused by play seemed insignificant. Maybe rather than telling him not to cry, tell him why he's gonna be fine & his tears would go away because he actually felt better rather than because he shut down his feelings. The important thing here is to teach him to regulate his emotions.
1. AITJ For Talking Back To My Manager?
“I work at a restaurant and today my manager scolded me for what he called being negligent.
When customers order, I do the calculations in my head. I study mathematics at a high level so I find no problem in doing such simple equations. I have memorized the prices of individual items and I factor in taxes and calculate the change in my head.
My manager was watching me today and asked why I wasn’t putting it through the till and said I need to use the till to give the correct change, but I find that far too simple and easy especially as it would put my brain to sleep.
I told him this and he told me to just do it the way he told me but I feel he is just intimidated by my intellect.
A co-worker said I am in the wrong and people have started calling me ‘boy genius’ in a mocking tone.
Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The till isn’t there just to calculate change, most also generate a record of the transactions and provide an expected balance for the coins drawer.
Generally, the main reason people bypass the till is to avoid creating a record so they can pocket to steal from the business.
If you continue, at the very least you will open yourself to blame for any discrepancies that may come up.” Away_Breakfast_1652
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Inputting in the system also keeps a paper trail so they can make sure isn’t being stolen.
It also helps manage inventory and stock so they know what to order. There are tons of factors involved it’s not just the right change.
Don’t have such a big ego. Nobody cares that you can do it in your head. Use that brain for something better. Do the job so you can get somewhere where your brain will be better used.” Flowerfuls
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is exactly how people steal from restaurants, don’t ring in a order, pocket the moolah, and the drawer still balances with no record of the transaction taking place. Back in my fast food days, this is how we paid for our after-shift beers (the night manager taught us and encouraged this practice, looking back I was a jerk for going along with it but didn’t want my coworkers to hate me for being a buzzkill).
Also, the till is used to keep track of inventory and sales trends and is used to calculate labor percentages for the future. You could find yourself very short-staffed if the sales records show far fewer sales than were actually made and it would screw over all the staff. I get it’s annoying when you can do the math in your head but it helps everyone to just******* up and do it.” Cheezy_Beard
Your attitude is obnoxious. You were hired to work a specific job a specific way. Jobs can be boring. Get over yourself. If you can't handle following directions, you may not be as intelligent as you believe yourself to be.
