People Spill Their Childish Revenge Stories
41. I Caught The Jerk In A Lie
“When I was in high school, I was very small and skinny for my age. I was a late bloomer so I was about 5′ 1-2″ until my senior year (I then had a growth spurt and shot up to around 6′ 2” tall so I tower over people now).
There was this little jerk named Andy. Andy was the worst. He was one of those little jerks that always verbally and mentally abuse people, but was all talk and could easily be put in his place by most people if it came to a fight.
Unfortunately, I was small enough that fighting wasn’t really an option for me, so I resorted to another form of revenge. One day he came up to me when I was at my locker and started calling me names. I asked him to walk away and warned him that he would regret not doing so.
He laughed at my warning and proceeded to push me into the locker and walk away. Little did he know that I had snagged his wallet in the midst of pushing me into the locker (I was very quick with my hands after 14 yrs of piano and a couple of years of card magic).
Andy was a dealer so I knew he would have a good amount inside.
So did I keep the dough? No, no, no. I needed to torture him. I removed it. Tossed the wallet with all his cards and ID and then turned the dough into the office telling them I found it in the hallway.
At the end of the day, there was an announcement that a sum of money had been turned in and if the owner could prove it was his then they could claim it. By now, Andy had realized that it was his that was turned in after he couldn’t find his wallet anywhere.
He went up to the office to try and claim it, telling them that I had somehow taken it from him and so I was called to the office with him. But Andy, having a good history of lying and other acts of mischief, had little leverage over a 4.0, honor roll, NHS student who was respected by teachers and faculty.
Andy was never given it and after a few days and nobody else claiming it, it was given to me for being an honest student and turning it in. All $140 of it.
He knew exactly what happened, but he could do nothing about it. He was angry for months, but Andy never messed with me again out of fear of what else I could do.
That was some sweet, sweet justice.”
40. Jerk Coworker Likes Things A Certain Way...So I Mess With Him
“At many workplaces, there is that One Guy who is universally disliked. At my workplace, there is a guy who can be summed up by saying that, to call him a jerk is doing a grave disservice to all the regular garden-variety jerks out there.
He wins the b******e bingo – loud, obnoxious, opinionated; always trying to one-up everyone else; a thrower-of-hapless-workmates-under-buses; a teller of nonsense stories that have nothing to do with the thread of the conversation that preceded them and that have no visible ending; bigoted and proud of it, misogynistic and proud of it; he regularly gets suspended from social media sites and is proud of that.
Anyhoo, with all of his other personality ‘features’, he likes to have certain things ‘just so’ – things he’s a bit…particular about. I have ascertained what one of these things is and I engage in a few shenanigans every day, just to get the pettiest of petty revenge.
Every day I am at work, at some point or several points of the day, I go into the lunchroom, where there is a platoon of microwave ovens. I select a cooking time on one or more of them and press the ‘run’ button then immediately stop it, leaving the display or displays showing a time-to-finish rather than the clock.
He hates it, it does his head in, he can’t stand it; I secretly chortle every smoko and every lunch as I hear him complain to nobody about Those Terrible People Who Stop The Microwave Before It Finishes And Don’t Cancel The Timer and he has to do it and Why Don’t They Press It, It’s Only One More Button Push.
Every workday, several times a day. For about a year now.”
Another User Comments:
“I had a similar situation with a workmate and fully admit my behavior bypassed petty, overtook juvenile and ended up being positively childish. We shared a communal workspace and I guess familiarity breeds contempt.
There wasn’t exactly animosity but we differed so much in terms of personality that we were never going to like each other. He was neat and fastidious and kept his desk spotless and my desk was always untidy. He complained to the manager frequently about the mess until I was called in and spoken to.
I tried defending myself saying it didn’t affect my work and that it was how I liked it. Management didn’t care and said that my fellow worker has been diagnosed with OCD and my actions were triggering them. Fair enough. I went back and cleaned up my desk.
This would have been the end of things if the worker had reacted humbly, thankful that he would no longer have to suffer due to his condition, but while cleaning my desk I looked over, only to be met with a smug grin. Not a word was spoken.
CUE PETTY REVENGE. On the wall alongside our desks was a print in a glass frame. One of those motivational pictures with a pretty photo and a word in large print, inspirational phrase underneath. Think it was about determination. About a week after my meeting, when he left the room for a minute, I went over and moved the picture so it was a few millimeters off the square and went back to my desk.
It took a few days but he eventually spotted it and instantly went and put it right. So at random intervals, I would keep moving it and he got quicker at noticing and moving it back. Slightly annoying at best. So to ramp things up, one day when he was absent I took the print from the frame and trimmed an uneven strip from the bottom.
Now the picture didn’t sit square in the frame. If the frame was square the picture was slightly off and if the picture was level the frame was askew. The picture was eventually replaced but not before he spent the best part of two weeks in turmoil.” Naige2020
39. Only Pay In Change? I'll Make You Count Your Coins While Your Pizza Gets Cold
“I used to hang out with a buddy that delivered pizzas. I lived across the street from the store so sometimes he’d pick me up and take me on deliveries because well, it’d give me something to do to cure my boredom.
There was always this one rude customer that we’d always and I mean ALWAYS happen to deliver to and one night, I was in the car all intoxicated and tired of it. He would literally make my friend cry. I was already wearing solid color clothing so I decided to have some fun and grabbed his hat.
He always paid in change and of course: never tipped. We get to his house and I pretend to be a worker. I put the pizza behind a chair on the far side of his porch so he couldn’t see.
‘Sir, I’m going to need you to show me the money.’ He angrily pulls out his lucky bag of coins, consisting of mostly pennies.
Obviously puzzled that there’s no pizza at hand. ‘Ok, I’m going to need you to work with me, you want your pizza? We’re gonna have to count it out first.’ I slurred. He hands me the coins, questioning why I said, ‘we’ instead of ‘me.’ I start counting and then I stop.
I went quiet for what seemed like 5 minutes, ignoring all of his nasty comments. He was angry, raising his voice and fists, similar to a first-grader. I finally said, ‘sir, you have to sit here and count out ALL of your coins, I will not feed you until YOU do so.’ ‘What the heck, can’t you do your JOB and count the goddarn change?’ ‘No sir, new rules.
We must prevent theft.’
His stomach started to growl knowing he had no choice. He gave me dirty looks and eventually, started to wither and count his change.. he was a dollar short. He called the pizza place up, ‘IM GOING TO REPORT YOU TO YOUR MANAGER, WHO ARE YOU, WHAT’S YOUR NAME YOU SLIMY JERK I-.’ I told him my name and said good luck.
The manager answered and said I didn’t exist, making him look foolish. He slammed the door in my face, leaving some change and the pizza he couldn’t reach.
I and my friend ate the pizza in celebration and that guy stopped ordering thereafter. The manager understood, knowing that weirdo used to stalk his wife.
I’m not sure if that’s petty revenge but it sure was sweet.”
38. Eat All The Hot Dogs? I'll Convince You They're Made Out Of Worms
“My 2nd eldest sister, let’s call her L, did some pettiness against my 3rd eldest sister, let’s call her J, over some hotdogs.
During that time, I wasn’t born yet but my sisters have told me stories about their childhood and this is one of the stories. When they were still young, hotdogs were the best part during their breakfast as at that time it was a luxury to get those.
Nowadays it is common. J always managed to hog all the hotdogs to herself. L was upset about this every time hotdogs were served during breakfast. However, L was one of the smartest in her class, so she thought of something to get J to stop eating all the hotdogs.
So one breakfast, everything was prepared and J still hogged all the hotdogs, and L told her a fun fact about hotdogs, which is not really a fun fact. She basically told J, ‘Did you know J, that hotdogs were made up of ground-up worms?’ J was horrified and didn’t eat the hotdogs.
Every breakfast from then forward, she would skip on the hotdogs, and L? L got to enjoy all the hotdogs she wants.
It wasn’t very long until J started eating hotdogs again but not hogging it all after knowing that hotdogs were not made from ground-up worms. Just to say, don’t hog up one food all to yourself or someone may ruin your meal be it a truthful fact or a false claim.”
Another User Comments:
“They may not be made of ground-up worms, but many people would be disgusted by what parts of the pig they’re actually made of.” WikiWantsYourPics
37. Good Luck Trying To Keep The Peace With Chickens Running Loose
“One of my roommates in college didn’t get along particularly well with the dorm RD. They weren’t actively hostile or anything, but my roommate thought that the RD was kind of a smarmy moralist with no sense of humor.
I wouldn’t have said so at the time, but he was completely right about that.
Anyway, my roommate grew increasingly annoyed at the way the RD would handle various alleged infractions, so when he saw an opportunity to throw a gigantic monkey wrench in the RD’s smarmy plans, he took it.
I lived on the ground floor of our dorm. One morning, we woke up to a rather confused ruckus coming from the floor above us, a ruckus that seemed to rapidly spread outside. Turns out somebody had released about half a dozen live chickens in the hall.
So that was exciting for them, I guess.
Anyway, it was ascertained pretty quickly who the perpetrators were. Some guys from another dorm. My roommate thought that this justified a revenge prank in kind, but as it hadn’t happened to us, it wasn’t really our place, you know?
And the guys upstairs weren’t of the sort to take that kind of initiative.
But what really did it was that the RD got everyone directly involved to agree to a meeting at which donuts and hugs would be exchanged and everybody would make nice.
There were vague threats about disciplinary action if the boys didn’t play nice. My roommate considered this to be a horrific violation of pretty much everybody’s dignity, and we weren’t even part of it. He was definitely right about that one. But as soon as he heard about it, he pretty much vowed to do what was necessary to prevent everybody from humiliating themselves in this fashion.
So. Around 3:00 AM the morning before this ‘exchange’ was to take place, he ganked a microwave from a different dorm, grabbed something from our hall fridge that had been in there so long it was practically a biohazard, hauled both over to the perpetrator’s dorm, and ran the leftovers on ‘High’ for five minutes right in the middle of the hall.
And he left a note taped to the microwave that read ‘Thanks for the chickens.’
Well, the perps wound up throwing the microwave out the window (they were not on the ground floor), but even so, they had to walk around with their sleeves over their mouths for the next few days.
Needless to say, my RD’s plans were foiled, but I’m pretty sure he was the only one at all sorry about that.”
36. Blame Me For Breaking Your Jump Rope? You Won't Like The Way I Fixed It
“When I was 8 years old a girl at school tried to lasso me with a skipping rope. I broke free and broke her skipping rope in the process.
She proceeded to tell on me to the teacher.
Probably because she was a good girl and I was a little jerk (evidence of this fact in a moment) the teacher believed her and ordered me to either fix the girls skipping rope or buy her a new one.
Sensing an opportunity, I said I’d fix the girls skipping rope. It was one of those hollow rubber ones a bit like a hose with rubber handles at either end. The fix was to stuff the ‘hose’ back into the handle fixing it in place with crazy glue.
I however used inferior wood glue so that the handle would break off again.
I know what you’re thinking… A sub-par repair job does not make a very good revenge story. Well, she soon figured out what 8-year-old boy she shouldn’t mess with when the handle broke off and the grape juice I had filled the entire length of skipping rope up with came flying out all over her and her silly little skipping friends.”
35. Dump A Heavy Rock On My Lawn? I Hope You Enjoy Your New Rock Pets
“When I was a youth there was a product called a Pet Rock.
This product was mostly a clever marketing gimmick. The box the rocks came in had air holes so they could breathe. They also came with some twine to use as a leash and a care manual. It was a thing for a while…
Anyway, in an ongoing prank fight with an estranged friend, my friend (with some help and a pickup) had ‘obtained’ a huge Chiquita rock from the beach (many hundreds of pounds) and dumped it on my front lawn in the middle of the night.
The giant Pet Rock was complete with an attached rusty chain/leash and a note expressing hope that I would enjoy my new ‘pet.’
When I woke up in the morning I was angry. The giant pet rock had sunk into the sandy lawn and I had no clue how I was going to move it.
In the end, it took many pizzas and a pool party to recruit enough people to help relocate it intact to the pool area where it became a diving rock for the pool, but I digress…
I knew immediately who was behind it and started plotting my revenge.
Two weekends later, some friends and I quickly dumped a ton of small Chiquita rocks (two pickup beds worth that I had to purchase at the local garden store) in piles all over his front lawn while he was at practice. I also left a card on the door.
My unsigned card read simply, ‘She was pregnant.’
It took him weeks to get all the rocks off the lawn… Revenge is sweet.”
34. Keep Breaking The Rules Without Getting In Trouble? Time For A Scare
“2nd hand revenge. Short but sweet. One of my close friends had a good-looking, charming brother 2 years older than her, who got away with breaking any family rules just because he was such a charmer. She thought this was really unfair after she had been grounded at 17 yrs old for getting home 15 minutes later than her curfew.
She & I discussed options for revenge. The next time he was out late, (he was allowed out until midnight) she hid by the back door where the outdoor coats hung. Sure enough, he was 30 minutes late. As he went to turn on the inside light she placed her cold wet hand over the light switch.
He screamed the roof down not sure what his hand had touched. In the darkness & pandemonium that followed his sister snuck back into her bedroom, the enraged parents woke from their sleep & charged out to berate their favored son for ages & grounded him for a month.
My friend laid comfortably in bed silently congratulating herself and looking forward to telling me of her success the next day.”
33. Demand I Make You Mac And Cheese? I'll Pretend I Don't Know How To Make It
“My little sister for some reason started to demand that I make her food every day. When I spoke to my dad he sided with her and told me that I should. (I wasn’t really against it, but most of the things she could make herself like a bowl of cereal, grab an apple, make a sandwich.
It was pretty stupid.)
So 2 days after this nonsense started she demands (not ask, DEMANDS) that I make her macaroni and cheese off the box. I would have done it regardless because she’s 10 and can’t use the stove, but because she was trying to be a boss and have some kind of weird power trip, she had to demand like a queen that I make it for her instead of just simply asking nicely.
So I fake not knowing how to make it and mess up the food by not draining the water before adding in the cheese. Took her two bites and she was ‘full.’
This was 3 years ago, and she hasn’t bothered me since regarding food.”
32. I'm Not Half The Man You Are
“In high school, I had a ‘friend’ that was in choir class with me.
I’m generally a bit of a good-natured pushover, and I like to believe that there is good in everyone. This ‘friend’ had some home issues. Divorced parents and the like. Well, one day he comes in late, and I’m sitting in his seat next to his partner just talking while we wait for the teacher to start.
He comes in and makes some comment about me trying to flirt with his woman. I readily dismiss this with some comment that tries to let him know that it wasn’t the case. He comes back with a laugh and says, ‘I know (Kithsander), you aren’t half the man I am.’
I’m not sure why or what came over me, but at that moment I knew the game was on. Over the next three months, I took every opportunity I had to talk to his partner. I’d randomly bump into her in the halls between classes, chatting her up about whatever I could.
I found out what she liked, what she didn’t, everything. Finally, it was the last few weeks of school and his car had some issues so he was riding the bus home. I knew what bus he rode and the order that it left the school from.
Her mother was a teacher so I knew she stayed a little late and I lived close enough to walk. I got her out in front of the school, right where the buses drive by and started heavily flirting with her. She ate it up and we ended up rolling around in the grass wrestling, as teenage boys and girls will do, right as his bus went by.
He came into class the next day absolutely livid. Threw his bookbag into the chair and stormed up to me like he was going to body check me back into my seat. He eyed me up and down and, nostrils flaring, demanded to know if I was messing around with his partner.
I smiled and replied, ‘Of course not man, I’m not half the man you are, remember?'”
31. Cut In Front Of The Person Behind Me? I'll Let Them Cut In Front Of Both Of Us
“In line for groceries. Had been making light conversation with the woman behind me. She was nice.
I’m keeping an eye on the checker, waiting to load my groceries, when I hear some conflict in line behind me.
A new woman is now in between us and the person behind us. The woman who’d been there first was politely explaining that she had been in line already. The older lady says ‘Well I didn’t see you..’ etc. The original lady was being nice and the new lady aggressive and mean.
I butt in and say that the other lady was here first, etc. But this new woman won’t budge.
I can see the polite person who got cut off, start to back down. We were just starting to put our groceries on the counter – When I said to the nice woman, ‘ma’am, you go ahead and go in front of us.
We won’t mind waiting.’
The other lady was FURIOUS. She ended up leaving our line to get into another even longer one.”
Another User Comments:
“I went to return something at Old Navy and was told at the courtesy desk to go to the cashier.
So I get in line, the cashier is checking someone out. Meanwhile, another girl comes in, I see her go up to courtesy and get sent to the same line I’m in. The cashier finishes up and in a move I still can’t figure out to this day says, ‘okay who’s next?’ I’ve been standing there waiting and she somehow didn’t see me?
So the girl who’s behind me says ‘oh you can go next’ as if she’s doing me a big favor! I had to bite my tongue not to say ‘oh how kind of you! I’ve been standing here since before you entered the store but you’re going to allow me to go next!’ I also wanted to tell the cashier to pull her head out of her butt, lol.
My partner hugged me after we left and said ‘I know you were angry!'” spaceygracie12
Another User Comments:
“I did that once to a woman who was behind me with a full cart in the express lane. She kept tapping her foot and sighing impatiently.
I looked at her loaded cart, and the two people behind her with only a couple of items in their hands, and invited them to go ahead of me. She started to complain about it, and I told her she was in the wrong line.” Arachnidiot
30. Act Like A Child? Get Treated Like One
“This happened in high school, I believe my sophomore year.
There was a boy in my English class who was a constant distraction, some people thought he was funny, but he was an obnoxious and arrogant jerk that bullied people.
He frequently got into trouble with the teacher because of the disturbances.
One day we had a substitute, he took it upon himself to be extra disruptive that day. Since it was English, we had a dedicated time for reading books. He decided to take this time and start throwing pieces of paper at people.
I tried to ignore it for a little bit because it wasn’t directed at me, but then a piece of paper landed on my desk and he started laughing.
So I said, very loudly, ‘WILL YOU STOP THROWING THINGS AND BEING SUCH A CHILD.’
The substitute, who apparently didn’t know what was going on, said, ‘Who is throwing things! Raise your hand!’
Immediately after she finished speaking, I said, just as loud, ‘YEAH, RAISE YOUR HAND CHILD.’ Which caused immediate laughter from the rest of the class.
He seemed embarrassed.
The fallout was that the next day our English teacher took him out to the hall and chewed him out. He was no longer allowed to turn around in his seat for any reason or talk to anyone, and if he did he would be taken to the office.”
Another User Comments:
“My daughter had kids saying lots of prejudiced things to her like, ‘go make me a sandwich,’ and similar. She is a bit headstrong and a self-described feminist and liberal since 5th grade, so she took a lot of abuse. This was also a Catholic school so her views on pro-choice and contraception were not in line with the school.
She cried a lot about it but after many talks about knowing what you are talking about before you speak and defending yourself she finally figured out her response.
When they said something, she would say loudly, ‘no, I will not make you a sandwich Chad.’ This would immediately get the attention of the teacher and detentions would be had.
Proud of that kid.
The boys would whisper comments to her when the teacher wasn’t looking.” Luder714
29. You'll Regret Eating My Tacos
“My dad was on a road trip with a family friend. They both stopped at a taco restaurant that served a special jalapeno taco. It was filled with hot sauce, and my dad ordered 2. You see where this is going. He eats some of one, and falls asleep, and saves them for later.
He wakes up and checks the bag. Nothing. Just sauce packets. Then he looks over at the friend and sees her chewing. She had her tacos as dad saw her before his nap. And then he quickly put 2 and 2 together and just looks at her with a disappointing look.
She plays it off as if she didn’t just finish his tacos. He gets mad and starts arguing. They didn’t go back since it was at least 30 minutes from the taco place.
Later on, she has to go to the bathroom and says her mouth is dry.
Then she realizes that my dad had hot sauce and didn’t remember that she didn’t get a drink, my dad DID. So my dad realizes this too and just to add insult to injury, he drank some water and THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW. SHE.
WAS. LIVID. She started screaming at him and he said ‘well you shouldn’t have eaten my tacos.’ At the next rest stop, she drank something and just kept going on the road trip. Not saying a word the whole way.”
28. Get Rid Of Me Before Christmas? I'll Replace All Your Business Cards With Mine
“Once worked for a complete fool. It should have been a fun job, designing playgrounds, but the boss had some sort of issue where he would either be shouting at everyone or quietly simmer in the corner, scowling away.
Literally, everyone else except me and one girl left as they couldn’t take it, but I was too broke to leave so whenever he shouted at me, I started shouting back.
Of course, this led to him bringing in someone new to ‘help you do your work,’ which is code for ‘show him how to do your job so I can get rid of you.’ The canning eventually happened on the final working day before Christmas.
Classy.
When I went back a few days later to clear out my desk, the boss was not there; only my replacement, who I didn’t really like but had no hard feelings for.
I really wanted to leave at least a petty ‘Screw You’, but how to do it when he was watching me?
Luckily, right behind my desk was the stationery cupboard. While filling my two big boxes with desk stuff, I opened the cupboard and removed the two boxes containing my business cards. I emptied them into the bin as I wouldn’t be needing them again. I then noticed the boxes containing his business cards and removed them from the cupboard too.
His first name and my first name are the same and our surnames, while different, are similar in length so it was not easy to tell his business cards from mine. I threw about 20% of his business cards in the bin and replaced them with mine, randomly shuffled through the two packs of 500 cards.
I was hoping he would inadvertently hand them out at trade shows so I would get phone calls and wreak further havoc, but the fact that this didn’t happen means he probably had to sit down and manually sort through 1000 business cards”
27. Keep Teasing Me? No School Trip For You
“In middle school, I was bullied by this scrawny, poop stain, Eric, I had known ever since first grade. I really can’t remember what I did to make this kid tease me. He and his friends always pointed and laughed at my clothes and I could never get a word in edgewise when I talked to friends over Eric’s high-pitched, girly giggling.
My homeroom teacher was some idiot who always assured, ‘Oh, it’s because Eric likes you!’ So I quit telling on him because no one would listen.
Apparently, he was in Academic Enrichment classes due to his high IQ (highly debatable). One day, my homeroom teacher announced, ‘Anyone in AE needs to have their permission slip signed by (date).’ For once that was the quietest day I ever had.
Out of curiosity, I asked one of my teachers about the trip, to which she elaborated it was to a museum and exclusive to AE students and cost $50 (tour bus, lunch, etc.) Sounded like fun.
Unfortunately, Eric resumed the teasing the following day. What I do recall is it was one of those days we all have where everything turns to trash because of one thing.
So I’m at my locker, packing as fast as possible when I notice Eric a few lockers away, with his back turned to his pile of books. ..with a white envelope on top. I slammed my locker shut, rushed over, and snatched the envelope before kicking his books down the hall.
Once I was out of sight, I tore open the envelope and sure enough, a $50 check and the permission slip for the AE trip were inside. I ripped everything to shreds and tossed it in the trash.
I walked back to my locker to see Eric frantically gathering his things.
The next day, he rummaged through his things during homeroom to find his permission slip and check. He ended up not going on the trip and wasn’t teasing me too much from what I remember. Alas, old habits die hard.
A month later at my friend’s Christmas party, her parents suggest we go caroling.
The first house we hit had no lights and it turned out to be Eric’s. Here, his mom came out, sweet as pie, to inform us they were celebrating Hanukkah. I stepped forward and introduced myself, and Eric’s mom, remembering me from elementary school, called Eric downstairs.
‘Your friend lucidviolet is here!’ He sheepishly appeared and I must have had the biggest grin on my face as I cooed, ‘Happy holidays. It’s nice to see where you live.’
I kid you not, Eric, nor his buddies, ever spoke a word to me ever again and I was able to enjoy the rest of middle school quietly.”
26. I Stole The Mean Girl's Pokemon Card
“There was a girl in 5th grade named Jenna who, in general, was a jerk. She made fun of people, was an overall awful girl who I took upon myself to teach a lesson.
Every month, we’d read a book as a class, but classes were separated into periods.
This meant that even if you were in my class for homeroom, your reading teacher may be someone else. Same for math etc – you never knew who was going to sit at your desk, so naturally, you don’t leave anything valuable in there.
Well, luckily on this day, I got to sit at Jenna’s desk.
We’re reading ‘Where the Red Fern Grows,’ and out of the corner of my eye, I see something in her desk, a glimmer…
It’s a holographic Dragonite Pokemon card. With some quick handiwork, I put the card under my shirt and then faked like I needed to go to the bathroom.
Inside the stall, I marveled at my loot for a minute and then hid it in the ‘Treasure Box’ found in all women’s bathrooms – You know, where you put your discarded tampons and stuff.
I made sure the bag in it was empty, lifted the bag, put the card under the bag, and left the bathroom with about thirty minutes left in school to collect the loot and go home.
Jenna gets back to class and is hysterical. ‘Someone stole my Pokemon card!’ The teacher begins to tell her why we aren’t allowed to bring them to school, for that reason. So naturally, everyone who sat at the desk that day was scrutinized, but since it was the last bit of the day, the teachers clearly did not really care.
Jenna swore up and down I did it. ‘I just put that card in my desk,’ etc.
But when I emptied my bag and homework books, and even my desk, no card was found. She’s mad, there’s nothing to be done.
Before boarding the bus, I slipped back into the bathroom, take my treasure and go home.
Added that treasure to my deck, and I never felt guilty about it.
I still have that card somewhere too. Heh.”
25. Ruin The Party For Me? I'll Make Sure You Can't Watch TV
“This happened probably a good 8 years ago on Halloween. I went to a house party with some friends of mine hosted by some people I did not know. Pretty much everyone there was cool… except the guy who lived there. If I had to compare his demeanor to anything it was that of an 80’s high school movie villain.
It was casual enough where I asked about his costume (he was a dog I think) and for whatever reason, he got very offended when I said my mom had a dog. What followed next was a series of events I still laugh about to this day (due to my pettiness).
The first thing that happened was the line to the bathroom. This was an old row home with 2 bathrooms, one on the main level and one in the basement. The line to the main level bathroom was lengthy so I decided to see about the basement.
Here I run into this jerk and he yells at me that I am not allowed to use this bathroom. Cool, it’s your house no biggie. As I leave I hear that bathroom door open and someone exits it. Whatever I keep it pushing.
A little while later nature calls again. This time I make my way to the main floor bathroom where I have my second run-in with this dude. Now from my point of view, he is not waiting for the bathroom as he is on his phone.
As I go to open the bathroom door he reaches across the hall and blocks me from trying. Says he’s next. I apologize and try to make some small talk. He is not having it and I’m noticing a pattern of unnecessary aggressiveness.
Following the bathroom incidents are what I would call the final straw. A bunch of us are in the kitchen drinking, talking, and having a good time. This dude comes in out of nowhere and punches me in the nuts. I go down like a ton of bricks and my friends I came with are taken back.
I guess fortunately one of the jerkhead’s friends then punches him in the nuts. Had that guy not done that I think there may have been a fight. I collect myself and my friend is like ‘that dude hates you.’ At this point it is clear, I need to do something.
I’m older now and not proud of my first move but I’d been drinking. I went into his private basement bathroom sneakily and did a 360 pee all over this bathroom. I could’ve left it there but as I am leaving I see a remote for his basement tv.
Then it hits me, I’m going to steal every remote I can find. Spoiler alert I did just that. I took the cable box remotes, tv remotes, DVD/Bluray remotes, surround sound, anything I could find. I was wearing a suit for my costume and there were plenty of pockets in this jacket.
I signal to my friends it’s time to go and we leave. As we’re walking out I notice he lives right next to an alley entrance. What better way to punctuate this than by smashing every remote I’d stollen right next to his house.
I smashed the LIFE out of these and made sure when he found them, they would not work. I’d say I succeeded. To the jerkhead in Baltimore from Halloween, good luck with your tv.”
24. Let Your Dog Poop Wherever He Likes? Don't Be Surprised When Poop Lands On Your Doorstep
“I’m watching my neighbors house/feeding their cats for a couple of days while they’re out of town. For the last couple of mornings, I’ve seen a chihuahua, with no collar, running around loose.
This morning, that chihuahua pooped on my neighbor’s lawn. Of course, no person around to be responsible and pick up after their ugly little rat. I shooed it off as it growled and barked at me, and heard somebody calling for it as it ran to a house a few doors away.
I used a stick to scoop its poop onto a leaf, then proceeded to fling it across their lawn. I’m considering leaving a note about how if they continue to let their dog out to poop where it wants, the poop will promptly be returned to their doorstep instead of the lawn.
For now, I’m extremely satisfied with this petty revenge.”
Another User Comments:
“We had a neighbor like that. They would walk their dog along our street and invariably the dog would choose our yard to leave a gift. The neighbor would never pick up after his dog.
My husband got so sick of it, he saved 2 weeks of yard poop, put it in a bag with a bow on it, and left it on the guy’s doorstep. The dog never pooped in our yard again.
We still refer to it as The Great Turd War of ’04.” rhobeel
23. Won't Come Out Of Your House? I'll Take A Dump On Your Doorstep
“My cousin, a friend, and I went to knock for another friend of ours in the area we all grew up in (South London). We were probably heading off to play football, smoke, or try to steal a car (our extracurricular activities were varied).
The friend was in, we were sure of that, but he wasn’t answering. That was understandable to me, – we all took our turn at doing that sometimes. You’re a kid in your early teens and not the most socially adept, so you ignore the door.
Nobody ever got too stressed out about that. Except for my cousin and except for that day. He knew our friend was in there and he was not willing to be ignored.
He starts banging louder and louder on the door. No response. So he bangs some more, even louder and now he’s shouting too.
‘Open the door you jerkhead. OPEN THE DOOR!’ We’re all like ‘Mate, leave it, he’s probably taking a poop. We’ll grab him later.’ Our response didn’t calm him down but it did give him an idea. He proceeds to shout through the letterbox ‘Mate, if you haven’t opened this door in the next 10 seconds I’m gonna poop on your doorstep.’ This guy lives with his mum and sister and it’s the middle of the day, so we just laugh, thinking he’s just messing around.
Next thing, he starts counting down from 10. Counting down, then pulling down, then crouching down. He gets to 1 and he’s now in a full squat position. The door still hasn’t opened, and so then it happens – a long brown sausage of poop starts slowly bridging the gap between his b******e and the doorstep, then starts curling round like an ice cream filling a cone.
He finished his business, pulled his trousers back up, and said ‘I don’t think he’s coming out, so we’ll leave it for now.’ The only time I’ve laughed harder is when that same cousin fell 2 storeys onto a railing when trying to collect a ball from a roof.
I guess. Karma’s a jerk…”
22. Demand We Make You A New Burger? You'll Only Get Half
“When I was younger I worked at a McDonald’s. Here in The Netherlands, we had a lot of teenagers coming in while they had their breaks from school. And they all wanted the $1 hamburgers, sometimes a couple of them. They were always a pain in the butt.
Being rude to the staff, destroying the furniture, never cleaning up their mess and smearing all kinds of trash (literally) all over the place, etc., etc.
One day a boy came up to the counter and complained that his burger had a pickle on it.
He said he wanted one without a pickle. We were sure he didn’t order one. We looked at his burger and we saw he had eaten up more than half of the burger.
The rest of his friends were laughing and watching from a distance.
Normally, the policy was just to give him a new burger. But this time, we didn’t want to give him a ‘full’ new one. We know it costs only one dollar, but he just didn’t deserve it.
We went to the kitchen and we made him a new burger, without any pickles.
We then got a knife from the storage and cut the burger in half. We wrapped the burger and gave it to him.
He looked really proud of himself to pull off such an elaborate scheme. Then he unwrapped the burger and looked surprised. At the moment we told him that since he had finished half of the original burger, this was only fair.
His proud look slowly turned into a disappointed one.”
21. She Didn't Recognize The Guy She Bullied, So He Messed With Her
“All through secondary school, my friend (M) was the weird fat guy. He was nice, pleasant to be around, smart and funny, he however was overweight and had typical nerd interests. Because of this, he was bullied a fair bit by most people in my year, but worst of all was a girl (we will call her) R.
She was a typical Queen Bee, very pretty, developed early but had a thoroughly unpleasant personality. She was rude and disrespectful to everyone but especially my friend M, I don’t know why she just seemed to have it out for him.
Anyway, at 16 we all split up and go to different 6th forms (UK school 16-18 y/o), during this time M comes out of his shell socially and completely changes the way he looks, loses weight, bulks up, switches to contact lenses and starts wearing good looking clothes.
He becomes a real hunk (so the ladies say).
At 18 we go off to university, by coincidence the same one. During our freshers week, we are at a social event for the sports teams, when I spot none other than R. She spots me and comes over to say hi, after a minute or two M comes over as well, and R doesn’t recognize him, in fact, she fancies him and starts to flirt.
To my surprise M flirts back but says his name is ‘J’, this goes on for a while, they agree to meet up and swap numbers. I asked him if he knew who that was, he did.
M and R start going out, he creates an entirely fake persona of who ‘J’ is and how I know him (I wanted to object but was very curious to see what he was up to).
The relationship lasts over 10 months and R falls head over heels in love with M, says he is her true love, etc. Then at the end of our first year of uni R’s best friend (who she has had a lot of competition with over men in the past) comes to visit for an end-of-year party.
One night, R is coming home from hockey practice and finds M in bed with her best friend. R is shocked and breaks down crying asking M how he could betray her like that. It is at this point that M reveals his real name, and again she doesn’t recognize it, he then goes into more detail, telling how she made his life a living nightmare at school, before finally leaving.
(So he says).
R didn’t return to uni the following year and from what I have been told she never got over M or her best friend, and that her life, in general, started to fall apart, parents kicked her out, min wage work, etc. M has absolutely no feelings of guilt over it, he said what annoyed/hurt him the most was that R didn’t recognize him.
All those years of bullying were just a bit of fun for R, whilst it was a nightmare for him.”
20. I Made The Rude Customer's Night Difficult
“I dunno whether I feel bad about this one or not.
I used to work in a bar, in the VIP area. We’d get our fair share of big-headed types. The ones that wouldn’t even glance in your direction, lots of wealth, etc. I usually serve in a clockwise manner, serving from left to right and returning to the left to go around again, not just picking and choosing those who flashed bills (which is also an incredibly annoying thing for someone to do).
I was walking along the bar and your typical valley-girl type actually reached over the bar and touched me, shouting her order. I said I’ll serve her when it’s her turn and continued getting drinks for the other customer. One of the barmen told me she gave me the finger behind my back, so I told her out straight I wouldn’t serve her.
I served another girl and told her it would be $12. She pointed towards the girl who gave me the finger and she had the biggest smug smile on her face and the money in her hand. So I say ‘alright.’ Take it, that’s fine.
She gave me a $20 bill. I don’t know if she realized something was up because I took so long getting her change but I gave it back to her, $8 in 5 cent coins. Just dumped it in her hand and said ‘there ya go,’ and she just had a look of pure disbelief, shock, and anger.
Very petty, yes, but it was very satisfying.”
19. Be A Jerk To Me? Here's A Frisbee To The Face
“This guy was a jerk in high school to me, (basically verbal bullying) and I was around him some of the time simply because he was friends with my two best buds. So, one time in class we’re in the gym playing some game with frisbees and we’re cleaning up all of the frisbees and stuff.
This is Junior year so I’m pretty fit at this point but not like a fully grown man or anything like some of the seniors seemed. Anyways, we’re kind of tossing them around to each other to speed up the process, and I see him across the gym looking somewhat in the opposite direction and walking towards the bag of frisbees.
I take the opportunity to throw a frisbee as hard as I can in his general direction, and he looks up at me right as a throw it. It was almost in slow motion as the frisbee completed a really wild arc and just WHAP as it nailed him across the face.
I was so worried someone had seen me, but even he didn’t say anything about it as we headed back to class with him holding his face in his hands. Ahhh high school.”
18. Think You Can Control The TV? I'll Relinquish Your Power
“In college, I lived in a house with 5 other roommates. No cable or even local tv. One roommate insisted that we set up his big-screen TV and PS3 in the living room for shared gaming and streaming for the house. Within the first week, the roommate started taking the power cords from the TV and PS3 and requiring us to ‘check it out’ from him if we wanted to use either.
He was super petty about it, and hated me in particular because I ‘reminded him of his older brother.’ The final straw was when I had a girl over, cuddling on the couch watching a flick. He gets home from work, sees us, and immediately removes the power cord mid-scene.
A few days later I noticed he left the PS3 controllers & remote control on the floor of the living room. Not wanting someone to trip on them, I placed the devices up in the dish of an unplugged floor lamp sitting in the corner of the room and conveniently ‘forgot’ I’d placed them there.
The lamp was above eye level and the dish was opaque, no one thought to look up there. It didn’t even have a bulb in it. A few weeks later, roommate bought two more controllers but remained an insufferable jerk about letting anyone else use the living room TV.
This time I moved the controllers up to clear the floor for vacuuming. Two months in, four controllers and two remotes down a house meeting is convened as lack of working tv and console for streaming is really putting a damper on movie nights. Roommate is getting nonsense from other roommates for being so flakey and misplacing the remotes.
He gets defensive, accuses the house of ‘stealing his stuff,’ I act hurt by his accusation but like the bigger man, suggest the house use my 360 and big screen for entertainment. ‘It’s set up in my room but I’m willing to sacrifice my personal entertainment set up for my roomies.’ We start transitioning electronics out.
Roommate is livid, all his power fantasies have fallen apart, he rages, picks up his PS3 from the entertainment center, and spikes it into the corner of the room knocking the floor lamp. The PS3 shatters on the wall, four controllers and two tv remotes spill out from the lamp.
I seriously couldn’t have planned it better.”
17. Blast Your Loud Music? Say Goodbye To Your New Puppy
“Next door neighbors at my apartment move in, a young couple just out of high school, two infant kids already with a third on the way.
Father works the second shift. Every night comes home around midnight, turns the music up as loud as possible until 3 AM. For MONTHS I bang on walls, leave notes, and contact management about them but nothing happens (I was and still am quite worried about the children through this – what kind of parents play music THAT loud that late with children that are probably asleep…?)
So, few months into this. I notice they have a brand new puppy. I see the mother ‘walking’ it daily. And by walking, I mean she takes it 2 feet outside on the concrete covered area where all the apartment doors are and lets it d******e and urinate there without ever cleaning it up.
I am well aware of the apartment rules as well. And it’s a strictly no pet building. So I of course immediately notify management they’re keeping a pet they shouldn’t have and it’s using our front doors as a toilet. The next day, as I’m coming home for lunch, I see the mother packing up the dog and all the belongings in someone else’s vehicle.”
16. Killing Him With Kindness
“My best friend and I went off to college together, and though we had a period where we didn’t like each other after our first year, we eventually made up and became friends again, and there never seemed to be any problems. We didn’t hang out like we used to, but that was so we didn’t repeat our freshmen year.
Well, my senior year, he stops talking to me. Won’t tell me why, won’t tell anyone why, and the few that did know were apparently sworn to secrecy because even the gossipy ones wouldn’t even hint at what I did.
Now we had a large group of friends, at the caf we would routinely take up 15-20 seats, and having two members of this group being angry at each other tended to make everyone else feel awkward.
Now, I’m generally a polite person, even if I have a problem with someone, I will not start nonsense in front of people, I won’t bring it up, or say anything rude or mean, I try to be polite, and leave the drama to private conversations.
Well, every time we happened to be at meals at the caf together, he’d just sit there with this pouty face on, would only grunt at people if they spoke to him. He was usually pretty talkative and making jokes and trying to make people laugh, but the moment I sat down, he’d shut up and not say a word.
Everyone noticed this, and everyone thought it was childish…. so I would always sit close by, always be talkative and friendly to everyone, and he’d sit there and mope like a four-year-old who had his favorite toy taken off him. The childishness of his action ended up putting a lot of friends off and as far as I know, no one keeps up with him anymore.”
15. Refuse To Pay Me For Writing Your Essay? Your Teacher Won't Like Your Next One
“There was a guy in hs who sucked at English (I was living in Denmark at the time) and since I was American, he’d ask for help on his essays, mostly correcting mistakes. Once he asked to help write one out, to help him learn more.
We did it once and sat next to each other in front of the computer to type it out together. Then he asked a second time, and 20 min in he suddenly remembered he had to be somewhere and offered me a small amount of money to finish it for him (after I said no to do it pro bono).
We had already written the outline and I wanted the extra money, so I did it and he got his highest grade yet. Then he was flakey about it and always had an excuse for why he didn’t have it. He then asked me to write an English essay again and offered twice the amount from last time + what he owed me, promising he’d pay up this time.
I warned him not to mess around with me this time, he promised he wouldn’t. The same thing happened ofc, promising to get me the money tomorrow.
When he asked me to write one a third time, I still hadn’t received any payment. But I said yes anyway.
I had noticed he hadn’t been reading them through and saw my chance for payback. I wrote it, but in the middle, I wrote a bunch of nonsense including a sentence where I called his teacher a jerk for making him write the essay. Sure enough, the idiot just turned it in without reading it first. He got into a lot of trouble, and couldn’t blame it on me or he’d get in even bigger trouble for having me write his essays.
He was mad at me and never asked me to write his stuff again. I explained why I did it, and he admitted that he deserved it. He even paid me for the first essay I did (not the rest though, the cheapskate.)”
14. A Colorful Revenge
“Back when I was 6 years old, this little poop stain of a kid was assigned to sit next to me in class.
He wasn’t the brightest bulb in the shed. Got a pencil eraser stuck in his ear, somehow managed to dislocate his shoulder by sticking it in a spin-dryer, and more. He was well known to cause trouble and be difficult, and I was meant to be a good influence on him.
Anyway, one day this kid was being a real jerk, and tried to steal a brand new pencil my grandad gave me (British Aerospace pencil), and I tried to take it back. Little jerk refused to give it to me, so it ended in a pulling match… When he intentionally let go with a grin on his face, as the sharpened lead of the pencil jammed RIGHT next to my eye.
The teacher didn’t see anything so she did nothing about it.
Well, my little vengeful 6-year-old butt vowed revenge.
It was around 2 weeks later when the class was congregating at the back of the classroom, don’t fully remember why, and I saw the box of shared crayons was on my and poop stain’s desk.
A petty little plan formed in my head.
I scribbled and scribbled with every darn color in the box, across the entire table. Layer after layer after layer. Ending a muddy greenish-brown, I got the yellow crayon and signed my artwork with poop stain’s name, and ran to tell the teacher.
Of course, our ex-nun teacher was furious and yelled at poop stain as he cried and denied it. He was forced to stay indoors during lunch breaks for a week, had to scrub the table clean for the rest of the day, and was moved to a table right in front of the teacher by himself for the rest of the year.
So I got to chill by myself at the back of the class and do my own thing for the remainder of the year without some little stinkbug stealing my pencils.”
13. Harass Me With Phone Calls? Oh The Things I Could Do
“The best revenge is to walk away. Seriously, anyone messed up enough to screw me over will fall flat on their face if I step away. I have only had a few people in my life ‘worthy of revenge’ and it always paid out to let them do what they did with maximum force.
Once you start doing revenge fantasies like a Kurosawa film, lone samurai on a horse and all, you’ll look like a darn fool, because that’s only for the movies.
I have come close to temptation. Buddy, I came darn close.
Years and years ago, back in the BBS days, there were these guys on a rival BBS who decided to mess with me.
I never knew why, but they harassed me with phone calls, stole my mail, bothered me at work, and so on. Their hinge belief was that I was a liar, and they were gonna prove it. Sadly, I worked for a company that had some serious security policies, and when they started messing with me at work, the law got involved. We settled out of court, and part of the settlement was to drop the whole thing, which is why I won’t go into it, although one lost his job and another lost his security clearance as a result.
I guess that was kind of revenge… but again, I did nothing; my company was the one who prosecuted because ‘someone is harassing one of our prime security targets.’
But what I wanted to do was insidious. I was a telecom programmer. I had access to some of the largest call centers in the world.
Here’s what I wanted to do, and let’s say two of the people were named ‘Dave’ and ‘Jane.’
Disclaimer: This is 1990s technology. This might not work anymore.
I had Dave’s and Jane’s phone numbers. I had access to a huge call center in Jacksonville where calls were routed by a complex formula of call priorities, agent groups, and contracts of so many calls that had to be answered in X time.
What I would have done is taken one of the trunks, and program one of the phone numbers, let’s say Jane’s, as part of the outgoing group. Given the time of day and percentages, Jane’s number would be selected and forwarded about 2-3 times an hour during peak call times (and possibly none during non-peak).
But since this was not assigned to an agent, there was no code for pickup, so the call would be passed blindly. There would be no response since Jane was not a call center, and when she hung up, the call would die.
The caller to the call center would get the menu, get forwarded to Jacksonville, and then go to what sounded like dead space.
Eventually, the customer would get angry, hang up, and call back. Jane, on the other hand, would get 2-3 calls an hour around lunchtime, and then from about 5 pm to 1 am. She’d pick up the phone, and then hear dead space. Then, I assume, hang up.
But it gets better. I could program the ANI (caller display) to anything I wanted. So I’d put Dave’s number there. Dave was married, and so was Jane, but to different people. Dave and Jane used to be together years prior, and were still ‘good friends.’ She’d probably call Dave back and go, ‘WHAT?’ Dave would deny he was calling her, of course.
After a few nights of this, either Dave or Jane would call their phone company because, d****t, Dave is not calling her! She can’t block the number, either, because Dave’s number is really not calling her: that’s just what shows up in her caller display (it was really some untraceable 888 number).
Dave and Jane’s relative spouses might also be suspicious.
The phone company probably would think they were lunatics. They would have NO RECORD of them calling one another. Of course, eventually, they’d find out someone was calling Jane, but phone companies are notorious for not caring.
But suppose they did. Suppose they were hot on the case because Jane was a very important customer (pfft). They would eventually trace the calls to a trunk in Florida. Then if they still cared, they’d find out that it was a call center, and would call the mainline there, and get some of the most incompetent techs that still were able to function as adults without nursing care.
I doubt they’d care, either. But maybe one would, and he’d have a telecom technician take a look at it.
Guess who that was?
I’d get a call, ‘Bell Atlantic says that one of our outbound trunks is dialing someone. Can you look into this?’
Of course, I can. Then I’d move it to Ogden. Or Phoenix. Or Oklahoma. Or even the Philippines. I had 13 call centers to choose from.
The end result was Jane would have to get a new phone number, which back then was costly and a pain in the butt.
If I made it her cell number, this was before you could transfer numbers, so she’d probably have to break the contract and get a new carrier.
But I thought about it and decided not to, given the 0.01% chance I would have been found out (then, buddy, I’d be in trouble) and I didn’t want to stoop to their level.
Eventually, ‘Jane’ was one of the ones canned from her work for her antics against ‘punkwalrus and his company.’ And that was good enough for me.”
12. Nightmare Manager Wants Me To Give Them Work? Not A Chance
“When we first moved to Georgia it was right before the 2008 recession.
My mother found awful work that paid the bills while my father was still searching. In this place, people were treated HORRIBLE by management but no one else made my mother’s life a living nightmare quite like her manager. This woman treated my mom like utter trash because she knew my mother had children (my sister and I) and also knew that my mother was desperate.
She would lie about my mother, try to get the higher-ups to dislike her, and any chance of her getting a promotion was tarnished by this woman. I believe my mother endured this for 4-5 years. Fast forward several years ahead my mother is now in a WAYYY better place, has good connections with people, and is good at what she does.
Her company was looking to hire more people and guess who walks in for an interview? My mother’s old awful manager and guess who was interviewing her? My mother. She conducted the interview like any other and when all the higher-ups came together to discuss what people to chose, they went out their way to bring in my mother, and ask her what she thought about them and if they’d be good employees.
She gave detailed responses right up until they asked about the ex-manager.
When it came to the ex-manager my mother gave a very generic yet professional answer (out of everyone the ex-manager was the most qualified). The meeting ended and all was well. After the meeting, the Vice President of HR (her and my mom are cool) came up to her cubical and asked what she really wanted to say.
My mother looked up and said, ‘I wouldn’t want to work in the same company as her.’ The VP smiled and said ‘that’s all I need to hear thank you,’ and walked into her office and emailed the ex-manager that they chose a different candidate.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Very classy but I bet she knew what she said would be enough.
Reminds me of the intern I booted on his first day. Came in and (guy was over 100kg) swung his butt upon the workbenches, did not listen while I said I’ll deal you something to work on.
He picked the most expensive pc to repair on his own and broke it further and mouthed off when I said something about it. Left crying for some reason only to come back with mommy and daddy, the latter thinking he could threaten his son back in.
Left in cuffs in the back of the disco cruiser. Then told lies to school and reviews on the internet, potential customers. A real jerk.
Fast forward 8 years later, I worked at an industrial computer company where I was head of the department. We grew so started hiring, I did the interviews.
Guess who was the first candidate that came in? Yep. Came in and saw me and turned white as a sheet. He then said, ‘I guess there’s no point in talking right?’ I wanted to give him a chance, 8 years is a long time but then I saw outside in the canteen area, his father there who saw me, fire in his eyes.
‘Nope, no point at all. Good luck finding something else.’ I half expected daddy to burst in after but he didn’t. Moral of these stories: don’t be a jerk at your job. It might just bite you in the butt someday.” Prestigious_Issue330
11. I May Have Mentioned That My Awful Uncle Likes To Drink A Lot
“My Uncle screwed my Dad out of a good bit of money. He was also pretty much a jerk and drank all the time. For some reason, most of the extended family took up with my Uncle instead of my Dad because my Uncle had a high-profile gig and made a lot of money.
So we just avoided my Uncle as much as possible…
Many years later I am looking for work and apply for an entry-level position at a big corporation that has to do with Natural Gas. My best friend’s Dad is the CEO of this company so I figured I was a shoo-in.
Unfortunately, this is where my Uncle has his high-profile gig in upper management. So the CEO tells me that I wouldn’t be able to work there since a close relative is in upper management. So I say in passing, ‘Well, keep my resume on file.
He drinks a lot and I am sure he’ll be canned eventually.’
Two months later I get called to come in for an interview. I get the gig and start work. My Uncle was canned from his gig and his life immediately went to trash.
His wife divorced him and took him for almost everything he was worth. She also got custody of his two sons who resent the life out of him. He lost his giant house to the bank after he even tried to set it on fire to claim insurance.
Now he is without work and alone. He’s constantly in and out of jail due to DUIs and unpaid child support. Now my family sees what a giant jerk he really is… And maybe my passing statement didn’t get him canned, but I feel satisfied every time I pass him in his awful car, which happens to be the last thing he owns.”
10. Be Mean To My Wife? I'll Mess With Your Computer
“My wife used to work at a small, regional accounting firm when we were in our early 20’s. She was by far the youngest person working there. There were only 5-6 other CPAs, and they were all 60+. My wife is obnoxiously polite and passive. She always told stories about a very mean coworker (lady in her mid-60s) who took advantage of my wife’s personality in various ways.
One night, we were at the office late because she was covering for the mean coworker. Without telling my wife, I found the coworker’s computer and entered the command that flips your desktop image upside-down (CTRL+ALT+DWN?). By the time we left, I completely forgot what I had done.
The next day, my wife calls me during her lunch break…
Me: ‘Hey, how’s it going?’
Wife: ‘Fine. Oh, but a little bit of drama. _____’s screen is all messed up or something. Everything’s flipped. She’s been complaining all morning.’
Me: Long pause ‘Well, that’s weird…’
Wife: ‘Yeah. I just walked by and she has her monitor upside-down and is having to hold it with one hand as she types. I think they’re buying her a new computer.’
My marriage has secrets, y’all.”
9. Don't Go All Out For My Birthday? I'm Taking The Important Hard Drive With Me
“I don’t know if it’s petty as much as it’s outright theft, but I was the assistant to a chef in a major city.
She was tech-illiterate and a tyrant to boot. I was the never-thanked defacto computer person, copier fixer, tech trainer, etc. and I knew she didn’t know her way around a printer let alone the brand new Macs purchased for the office.
My birthday is in November and fell on a Saturday.
The restaurant staff used to go all out for peoples’ birthdays but mine came and went without a peep, including through a weekly meeting where much time was devoted to calling out birthdays, anniversaries, etc. so the next day as I was on my way to have birthday dinner with friends, I got a text from them asking me to call so I could help them fix the copier.
I didn’t respond. On Monday I came in to find a cookie and a hasty note wishing me a happy birthday. Four of the office staff went to lunch that day and brought me back two rolls of sushi and half a pile of salad, leftover.
In addition to other trifling nonsense, stress, and insults that lasted over a year, I gave my notice that week.
I left weeks later and took a laptop with me as well as a hard drive that contained 10 years of menus, recipes, and photos. All of that exists on the chef’s computer too, but that hard drive was my way of buying my silence that I do not go to the press with all the juice and dirt on that place they could handle.
They never knew where any of the tech supplies were at any given moment and I am sure, to this day, they think someone just lost it.”
8. Mess With My Classroom And I'll Mess With Yours
“I teach high school in a relatively big overcrowded district.
We don’t get our own classrooms but instead have to share. Last year I was informed that I would have to teach a special ed class in the special ed wing. I was told that the person I was to be sharing a room with was foolish, but there was nothing I could do about it, and because we wouldn’t have much contact I didn’t really care.
Fast forward about a week and I meet my kids and decide that they need an extra set of textbooks for in-class use and I would keep them on one shelf in the massive cabinet that was school property. To an average sane adult this would not have been a problem because, well, we are adults and have to share the workspace.
But, unfortunately for her, she is not all there and this is where the story gets good.
I walk into the room the next day and someone had removed the books and placed them on top of the filing cabinet next to the original big cabinet.
After the class I had the kids put them back in their original place. Guess what happens the next day? If you said that they would be removed you’d be right. So I waited after class and asked her why she was taking the books out.
She informed me that she needed the space for her stuff, to which I mentioned that there was nothing on the shelf that I was using. I didn’t want to start a major thing so I let it go for a few days and waited to see if she would add anything to it.
She didn’t.
At this point, I was ready to engage petty level expert. She’s the type of teacher who fills the board up with handwritten notes; I’m not. Every day I would erase her notes and write one or two words. She immediately started to write the iconic ‘Do not erase’ so I obliged and erased everything but her note.
She was super angry and would complain to everyone in her department. She went as far as to tell her supervisor but there was nothing that could be done because the storm that she started with me was now a category 4 hurricane of petty. And so she dealt with clean boards until I got tired of erasing them after a few months.”
7. You Don't Stand A Chance Against The Water Hose
“When I was in high school in the late 1990s, I worked at a pretty nice golf course on the edge of town. All of the staffers (myself included) were a very rowdy group of kids, all age 14-20, overseen by maaaaybe a 28-year-old who we all loved as a boss.
It was Caddy Shack times Van Wilder, and the shenanigans were real. We would set fire to boxes out in the cart shed to trigger the sprinklers, or hose down the garage floor so we could see who could do the most three sixties parking golf carts (you had to slide them in sideways to win).
There was a wall out of sight from the customers that we just threw things through to be destructive; rebar, tire irons, knives. We would overshock the pool to see if we could bleach our hair, or drive golf carts across greens to scare the geese away.
So anyway, for some reason one year we got into water gun fights. My friend Carter squirted me or hit me with a water balloon or something while I was wearing my nice golf clothes that we had to work in. I wasn’t mad but I guess I was just a little too excitable at that age, maybe 16.
I ran out on the back porch and got the high-volume water hose we used to fill the horse troughs with booze and water for the nightly meal events. I turned it on full blast, pinched the end over, then walked into the clubhouse and literally fire-hosed Carter and more or less the entire snack bar all at once.
I then chased him down the hallway toward the golf shop, hosing him, the walls, the couches, the ugly paintings, the carpet, the ceiling, everything.
My boss, who was like 6’8″ tall and built like a drive-in movie screen, came running out of his office just in time to get a few splashes himself as Carter streaked by.
I got canned on the spot. I walked out, turned the water off, walked back into my boss’s office, and said, ‘C’mon Bull, you don’t want to can me. I’ll be in tomorrow.’
The next day I walked in, clocked in, and got to work.
Worked there another three or four years.”
6. Third Strike And You're Out
“I had transferred to a very small private school my junior year of high school. Not my choice, but my parents moved to a rough area and my mother worked a second gig to keep me in there because the public school was known to have low graduation rates compared to other public schools in the neighboring cities.
For that, I’m forever grateful. I had gone from being somewhat cool to the new kid without friends. It lent a lot of perspective and empathy and from it, I learned a sense of compassion for anyone being the newb in a class or job scenario as I became an adult.
Anyway, transferring i,. I sat in the hallway outside the principal’s office as the administrative work was being taken care of. Across from me was Jon, (without the ‘h’) who was awaiting discipline for something, though I’m not entirely sure. He looked me up and said, ‘What the heck are you looking at?’ Being a former cool kid, I laughed under my breath, rolled my eyes, and shrugged it off.
That did not go well with him. He told me to go screw myself and he’d see me later just before he went into the office to receive whatever discipline he was there for.
Throughout my junior year, I’d be called names, shoulder checked, even spit at by Jon.
I eventually made friends at the school, so it was tolerable. I always kept my cool. Being a small school, we also were on the baseball team together. I was somewhat of a standout and was awarded captain of the team and on the field, Jon and I had mutual respect and a common goal of winning.
However, towards the end of the season, he broke that mutual respect by peeing in my baseball bag, soaking my helmet and glove with pee. It has always smelled like pee since. I never ratted him out because it just wasn’t my thing. I don’t discount others for doing it, especially in a bullying or dangerous situation, but it just wasn’t for me.
But, I was at the point where I had had enough. I was going to get him back.
He had a class in a period before mine. We had the same desk and he’d often leave me notes that said, ‘Screw you’ on them.
Looking back, I now think it’s kind of funny. But he had made the mistake of leaving a graded test behind one Friday. He had a D so I know it wasn’t a token for him to show his parents. I took it and devised my plan for revenge:
I wrote on the back, ‘Sr. Prank ideas…’ listed a bunch of preposterous ideas like, ‘Cow on the top floor, Set off sprinklers, Call in 100 pizzas’ and finally ‘Throw a mattress in the pool’ among others. I did my best to mimic his writing.
The following weekend, I had driven around town, found a mattress off the side of the road, hopped the fence of the neighboring K through 8th-grade campus, and dragged the mattress, with a ‘Seniors ’02’ spray-painted on it over the fence and into the pool.
The thing about throwing a mattress into a pool is, once it’s soaked, it absorbs a ton of water and becomes very difficult to pull out from the deep end. The school had to rent a bobcat to pull it out. It snagged and ripped and a bunch of foam and debris littered the pool and the school had to drain and clean the pool and fill it again.
Needless to say, it was an expensive fix. The following Monday, I had left his test behind as if it had been there all weekend. Somebody in another class had turned it in to the teacher who then turned it in to the principal. Jon was soon after expelled because it would have been his third strike at the school.
They couldn’t simply suspend him this time. So he left the school, and finished the last two months of the semester at another school, and graduated. From what I heard, his parents didn’t even believe him when he was questioned and denied doing it.
I had a bit of guilt at the time because I was worried I may have set him on course for disaster in life. But through social media, I eventually saw he took over his father’s successful plumbing business and is doing okay so I don’t feel as much guilt as I used to.
I acknowledge how what I did for revenge was messed up and could have been disastrous for him. But he rebounded in life just fine. I just hope that he learned he can’t get away with pulling his nonsense every time- that there is always some force keeping tabs and he treats others with a little more respect.
I’m sure karma will get me back someday but in the immortal words of Daniel Cormier, ‘Screw Jon!'”
5. Delay What's Mine? I'll Dodge Your Calls Once The Issue Is Resolved
“So I bought a phone online from a big vendor here in Egypt, paid with plasticd, it got too delayed so I canceled the order. The customer support rep told me I’ll get my dough back in 14 business days (3 weeks). No big deal.
Fast forward 3 weeks later, no money.
I called them and explained the situation and they informed me (after 6 calls maybe) that all that time they were still getting the approval. They got the approval and I’ll need to wait for another 3 weeks. Heck no.
I opened a complaint with the consumer agency and attached everything.
I called again and tell the customer support agent that I know he doesn’t have anything to do with that and that he can transfer the call to a supervisor or someone who can resolve this. They told me ‘someone from the complaints department will reach out to you within 48 hours.’
Comes as no surprise, no one called. I kept calling and I got the same ‘someone from the complaints department will reach out to you within 48 hours’ nonsense every time.
1 week later, I got the money and the vendor’s ‘complaints department’ called me twice and I ignored the call because I was busy playing a video game.
They called again the next day and confirmed that the money was released. Apologized for the inconvenience and asked me if I can close the complaint with the consumer agency if the issue is resolved.
With the smuggest smirk on my face, I said ‘someone from the complaints department will reach out to you within 48 hours,’ hung up, and blocked their number.”
Another User Comments:
“I have a system set up on the house phone whereby calls that don’t show the number get dumped into a menu. One of the options says ‘If you are a telemarketer, press 1.’ If they do that, the next thing they get is ‘All members of the household are busy assisting other telemarketers; you are in a queue.'” rde42
4. The 3-Year Parking Spot War
“In my apartment building, we have a wide variety of people living. We have retired folk, grandparents living out their golden years, people from out of state, people of different races, cultures, and backgrounds…
..and we also have a ‘resident neckbeard.’ Late 20s, NEET, mooches off his brother…
..and has a 2012 sports car, paid for by his parents, that he doesn’t take care of. The tail light lenses are cracking, the paint is fading and getting weird streaks from years of rain runoff w/o being washed, rotors are perma-rusty, etc. For comparison (and what it’s worth), I drive a beat-up 90s-model Honda.
For some reason, he absolutely HAS to have the first parking spot. He doesn’t care who else isn’t home yet – old people, people with a ton of groceries, etc – that first spot is ‘his’ (even though we do not have assigned parking). He will park in it and leave his vehicle sitting for weeks, sometimes months, at a time just to keep others from having it.
If by some chance, someone else manages to take it, he will wait and move his car to it IMMEDIATELY after it becomes open. I know this because I watched him do this one morning as I left for a grocery store run (having parked in the afore-mentioned space the evening prior).
While I was sitting at the red light in front of the apartment building, I saw him ‘run’ out to his car and reclaim ‘his’ spot.
Now, I’m normally a fairly chill guy. Real live and let live type. It’s not that I particularly care about what spot I park in, but rather the fact that someone will go out of their way to claim it – even if they are literally parked right next to it.
That evening, as I was wiling away my hours on the internet, I kept my blinds cracked open to observe if the RN (resident neckbeard) would move his car again. Once he was gone, I moved my car to the recently open space, leaving the only next available spot to be my former one – at the other end of the lot.
But, my friends, the story does not end there. When the work week started, and I left to be a productive member of society, I once again witnessed the spectacle of the neckbeard moving his vehicle. Alright, it’s on now.
I end up biding my time, waiting for the spot to open again.
As soon as it does, I make it a point to get to my car so this person can watch me take his spot, hoping that the message I’m trying to send of ‘I’m calling you out on your nonsense, now stop it’ comes across clearly.
It does not.
Weeks of this back-and-forth turn into months, during the time I’m trying to make a further point of this person’s shenanigans by not moving my vehicle when it becomes available after a 3rd party claims it. His brother parks there and then leaves again?
Cool, w/e. Other neighbors park there and move? No big deal. Neckbeard moves there and leaves? I’m on it (and vice-versa).
It has now been three years since this started. I’ve tried leaving friendly notes (since I do not know which apt is his & his bro’s) politely asking if he’s not going to be driving his vehicle on the regular to move it to a lesser-used parking spot so that those of us who work regular gigs, guests, and our elderly neighbors can make use of it.
Nothing.
To this day, if his car is in it and later leaves, I will take it with all due haste. If it is open when I get home and his car is nowhere to be found, I will take it until I see him parked in another space and then move for others.
If it is taken by a 3rd party or if it’s open and he’s home, I’ll leave it be. It’s just.. darn, I mean, it’s been over 3 years of this stuff. I very well can’t relent now, it’s gone on too far. The only option is for him to admit defeat.”
3. Would You Like A Side Of Rat With The Other Food You've Stolen?
“At college, I shared a three-bedroom house with two other people, who over time were not always the same two. One housemate was a female (I’m a guy) who I’ll call Beau.
She was a spoiled little rich girl but seemed pretty nice most of the time. We had two refrigerators in the kitchen, one large one that was originally in the house and we all had shared, and a small older one that a friend gave me before he moved away, which became exclusively for my use while my space in the larger fridge then became available to the other housemates.
Win-win.
Even though the house was in a nice neighborhood just across the street from the backside of the University President’s mansion, it was pretty woodsy and we did occasionally have a rat problem with them getting into the house, which I solved with rat traps.
The regular kind that looked like large mousetraps. One time I caught two rats simultaneously in one trap which seemed so unusual that I wanted to show them to my other two housemates, but Beau was so horrified and disgusted that she refused to even look at them and ran from the room to be away from two dead rats hanging from the trap I was holding out.
Hers was not any kind of aversion on the basis of thinking it was animal cruelty or anything like that, this was before PETA and while I was already a vegetarian mainly for those kinds of reasons it would still be a few years before I would even meet another vegetarian, so that’s how far back we’re talking, mid to late ’70s.
I didn’t enjoy killing the rats, but there was no other effective way of dealing with them so I did what I had to do. Beau was just a squeamish little drama queen who felt she had to make a big show about how disgusted she was by the thought of being anywhere near a dead rat.
Fast forward a few weeks or months, I don’t remember exactly, and I eventually became aware that Beau was stealing my food! We didn’t normally share food in the house but each bought and made our own. If she had asked nicely I’d have readily shared with her or if she was obviously starving I’d have offered, but like I said she was a spoiled little rich girl with plenty of wealth to get her own food (which she did), and she never once asked for any of mine.
One time I remember I had just made a plate of steamed fresh vegetables with melted cheese and soy sauce on it (yum) and out of the corner of my eye I watched Beau stab a nice cheesy Brussel’s Sprout off my plate with a fork and pop it into her mouth.
She didn’t realize I had seen her do that, but for the next few minutes I gained some delightful schadenfreude at her expense by talking to her while looking right at her, and she had a very difficult time trying to reply meaningfully with a whole Brussel’s Sprout still in her mouth.
I knew what she’d done and it was kind of trivial so I didn’t blow up about it or anything like that, but that incident alerted me to how stealing my food was kind of a game to Beau, like she thought I was stupid compared to her cleverness and that I would never figure her out.
She kinda had that kind of personality, and even though she had plenty of her own food I guess she enjoyed getting into mine. I used to buy some pretty nice cheeses, maybe that was a big draw for her.
So I started having to pay better attention to my food and marking containers and things like that when I caught on that Beau had been the sort of person who’d steal from the woman housemates.
In no time I started to notice telltale indications that she had gone through my refrigerator while I happened to be out of residence, using little nibbles and shavings from everything she could. The cheese especially ended up being obvious that she’d slashed pieces off because she’d take action in sloppy methods I never ever would.
I was thinking about placing a padlock to my fridge but thought which was not something I should ever before have to do, and I didn’t desire to raise the concern in an event of a conflict with Beau, preferring to stay on otherwise great terms together.
If I’m gonna wreck a relationship with someone we share a house with, it would have to be for a more important reason.
After that one day we got even more rats in the home (it will be a while before I would personally find out their particular entry hole behind the top refrigerator, searching just like the upside-down U you notice in old comic strips), and I caught one in a rat pitfall once I had been truly the only person in the house.
Out of the blue determination stumbled on me, and I covered the dead rat inside the tiniest bit of aluminum foil that could just barely protect him up in a single level, with only maybe 1/8″ of an overlapping seam at most. I quickly put that installation into a tiny plastic Baggie with a rubber musical organization around it, with one hair beneath the rubber band thus I could easily tell if my little dead rat bundle was established. You are able to most likely tell where this story is going but I’ll finish it anyway, and I also didn’t also require the tresses to inform myself the bundle was exposed. It was just the 2nd day once I had left it on the bottom rack of my icebox that I arrived home from college and saw that the aluminum foil ended up being all crinkled up and the baggie wasn’t covered efficiently around it anymore.
I only wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall seeing Beau gagging in revulsion and suppressing the desire to barf as she rewrapped the bundle, specifically as it required many dealing with to get the skimpy little bit of aluminum foil to cover up the dead rat totally.
Even after all these years I however get a belly laugh occasionally when I take into account the vexation degree my thieving meals mooch housemate must-have skilled, oh she was such the entitled little princess! For some time afterward, I’d place secret detective tresses underneath the gasket of my refrigerator before going to college each day, but it was never disrupted and my mozzarella cheese never got sliced on in funny techniques again often, so I knew Beau learned the woman training and remained regarding my icebox.
She never ever stated such a thing towards the event and neither did I, but she discovered another spot to live within two months.
It was great to see the girl go.”
2. I'll Make You Scared To Eat Your Lunch By Wrapping It In Garbage Bags
“Back in the mid to late 70s, my Aunt Judy was married to Mick. One night Judy and Mick had a massive argument, the details of which have been lost to time.
However, Judy believed in not going to bed angry. And so the next morning Mick thought all was fine and forgiven, Judy had even made his lunch for him like she normally did.
That was until he got to work and opened up his lunch box.
Judy had indeed made his lunch, a ham and cheese sandwich wrapped in a garbage bag, and a slice of cake, again wrapped in a garbage bag (A clean garbage bag, but a garbage bag, all the same.) Mick had a great debate if he should eat his lunch or go hungry.
Hunger won out so he unwrapped his lunch, inspected it, and took a tentative bite. Mick’s friends thought it was hilarious, and gave him trouble about it for years afterward.
Judy later confessed she hadn’t done anything to the meal itself, just wrapped it in a garbage bag.
I met Mick when I was 12 years old in 1999. He and Aunt Judy had been divorced for a good 20 plus years at that stage, and he still told the tale.
Aunt Judy passed away just over 3 years ago, and whilst I wasn’t close to her, every time my Husband does something irritating (which isn’t all that often,) I think back to Judy and Mick.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve made sandwiches for my husband before, perfectly, but my revenge was that I didn’t take the plastic wrapper off of the cheese.
I have also cut his sandwiches into the same quarters that I cut the kids’ lunch into…
He doesn’t get me to make his lunch anymore.” rebekahster
Another User Comments:
“Back in the ’70s, they used to make dog food with proper gravy and chunks of meat (tripe, usually) (or so I’ve been told.)
More than one story has been told to me (by family members) of arguments between spouses, and the Wife has made a meat pie for the Husband.
Husband waxes lyrical about how it’s the most delicious pie, only to be told days after the fact that the contents of said pie were actually dog food.
Oh, how we laugh every time!” StrictlyMarzipanOwl
1. Try To Catfish Me? We'll Dump All These Trees On Your Yard
“My buddy broke up with a girl in high school. She made a fake email pretending to be another girl in school and emailed him to ask why. He knew he was being duped, but let it drag on for about a week.
It was shortly after Christmas and everyone was putting their trees on the curb to get picked up by the city.
We got about 4-5 pickup trucks, picked up all the trees we could find, and put them in her front yard. It was probably 80 trees. Stacked as high as we could make it. Took us all night.
We left a note written for her, signed by the girl she was impersonating.
We hid in the bushes outside the gate of her house before sunrise. Her dad opens the garage door, suit, and tie, ready to go to work. His driveway is blocked with trees. He reads the note, walks back inside, comes outside with his daughter about 10 minutes later.
Her dad sat in his car while she dragged trees from the driveway into the street.
It was so incredibly petty but we all got a kick out of it at the time.”
